You canât spell romance without roman
i don't do bad sauce passes
I'd rather be in outer space đž
we're not kids anymore.

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@muttsupreme
You canât spell romance without roman
me and my losing dog think you suck btw
drunk as hell but this Valentineâs Day I want Roman
I want Roman not even asking you to be his Valentine because itâs a bargain deal. He gets you as a life partner, his little fugglesnuggle, his freak, his partner in crime, so yeah, it should be obvious youâre his Valentine. But he sees some tweet about how guys should always ask, that itâs just so important, so â while youâre in the shower, he comes in. As he usually does. But with your favorite flowers (it doesnât matter that theyâre out-of-season). Oh, and outside he also has some huge box of assorted Ferrero Rocher chocolates he remembers you talking about? And those designer shoes, you know, the ones you saw in Saks Fifth? Yeah, you should wear them tonight.
Itâs not really that, though, that makes you all feel-good. Itâs more that he kisses your back and shoulders when you get ready. More, more of that â more of, âYouâre soft. Do you drink virginâs blood? Seriously? The lotion I get you cannot be that good.â
He takes you to your favorite cafe for brunch. It reminds you of Paris, with outdoor seating and a delicious toasted marshmallow latte, but today you get a matcha with strawberry cold foam. He makes fun of you, âYouâre drinking grass. Grass drinker. Itâs not even, like, uhh â a what, cleanser? Just straight urban hippie grass juice. With a little fruity fluff.â
Afterwards, you both attend a nice museum exhibit, which you both enjoy for the first thirty minutes until you realize youâre both self-assigned critics and need a day off. So, movies â which, with Romanâs background in the film industry, is debatably worse. But Annie Hall is playing in his private theater until the late afternoon. Itâs nice, itâs sweet, youâre both entangled like one great, big knot.
For dinner, he takes you to an Italian restaurant. Itâs one that was once way out of budget when you first started working with him, one that you were honestly scared of walking into when he first brought you after work. Now itâs a second home. He calls it âyour placeâ, meaning the place you had your first official-unofficial date. He still gets whiny when you say you didnât know it was actually a date. You were just under the impression that your boss was trying to be nice so you donât tattle on him for every little perversion.
He acts like itâs nothing, âWhatever, fuck you, itâs Valentineâs Day. Was I supposed to let you sit all alone and vibrate yourself numb?â He doesnât expect a âthank youâ, doesnât really expect anything. This is just what you do, right? Standard procedure. Youâre supposed to at least get yourâŠromantic person (he holds himself back from saying âwifeâ), some chocolate and candy and flowers, and a nice dinner.
You walk for a while after dinner; he likes walking sometimes, usually when heâs drunk or high or upset. Heâll tell his driver to follow, just sort of not stay too far away, for when they actually wanna get home. You buy him flowers on the way back; some street vendor has Osiria roses. Beautiful flowers with dark reds and soft whites striping through the petals. He was fucking humiliated, because what, youâre buying him flowers? Like heâs some flamboyant metrosexual? You can only laugh at how ironically accurate that is. Truth is, he really doesnât mind. He actually fucking loves it. Canât stop âsubtlyâ smelling them when you âarenât lookingâ.
He leans all over you on you while walking to the car. He just drapes himself over you, clings to you. Opens the door to the car for you with a snarky, âMâlady, the penthouse princess.â He nuzzles your shoulder and neck the whole ride, like a stray youâve just picked up. For just a moment, he picks up your hand and kisses the part where your thumb meets your pointer finger, and then acts like it didnât happen at all.
He clumsily grabs his roses and â most importantly â your hand as you both walk inside. Nudges you, an excuse to rub up against you as you both step into the private elevator. He quickly gives in, leaning on you and then making some exaggerated snoring sound as if heâs fallen asleep on your shoulder. A moment passes.
âYou full? Like it?â He sounds uncertain. It shows, now, as it always will eventually, that he especially wanted you to like it. Paid attention, thought it out.
âWhen donât I?â Itâs half a scoff and half a laugh. You really have no room to say you donât like one of your favorite restaurants in Manhattan, if not the world. Especially when he gets you the same pasta you had on your first date, the same tiramisu, with a hazelnut latte. He scoffs in return, face scrunching up as if itâs physically painful for him to imagine that youâre just lying, going with the flow.
When you both get into the penthouse, itâs actually not very late. Youâre both full, and he groans as he stretches like an old man. Heâs getting stocky, because he actually eats with you around. You notice when he doesnât.
âYouâŠlike, like me, right?â Heâs changing when he asks the awkward question, one he feels like should be left unsaid, it should be kind of obvious; you live with him, you work with him, youâre his Valentine. Every time something goes wrong or youâre upset, you call him. Of course you like him, duh, but maybe you donât, or maybe youâre just playing the game, getting inside his head.
âRome, come on. Itâs us,â your words are supposed to portray just how dumb it sounds to ask you, of all people, that question. Youâve seen this guy cry, sob, youâve felt him sneak into your bed after a nightmare, heâs told you stories of his fucked-up childhood and youâve seen him get hit so hard heâs lost a tooth. He has admitted to you, in the privacy of the dark, quiet penthouse, while in the same bed with him playing a game of âTruthsâ, that he pissed the bed as a teen. And youâre still here. Youâre always there.
âFuck you, I know. I know you like me. But, do you?â
âYes! Jesus, honey, yes, I like you,â you say quickly. It doesnât take long for you to grab and hold his cheeks, feeling the scruff on them, rubbing circles with your thumb. He leans into the touch, kisses your thumb. His eyes practically twinkle.
âYeah. Yeah, you do,â his first âyeahâ sounded almost whispered, like it soothed some part of his soul, whereas the second âyeahâ immediately turned back into typical Roman. That faux suaveness never fails to make him look silly, all sweet and stupid.
âBed now?â
âBed now,â you agree. And it isnât inherently sexual. Youâre both tired, and he wants your skin on his. He lays the roses beside your flowers, assuming the maid will put them in water for him.
The two of you brush your teeth together in the en-suite. You do your skincare routine together (although his takes longer). And at the end of both, he comes over to where you sit on the edge of the sink and puckers his lips for you to kiss, and you hop off and head over to the bedroom to change.
He nearly never sleeps without a shirt. Whether heâs wearing an undershirt, or one of your tees, heâs almost always in some shirt and his briefs. He takes his shirt off tonight, and doesnât put one back on in its place. Heâs soft, shaven, and just a little pudgy. Little freckles and moles are dispersed sparsely around his pale skin that has very recently been seeing just a bit more sun from a recent vacation to Italy.
âYouâre such a fuckinâ perv,â he comments awkwardly at your staring. It sounds confident, funny, but you can tell that heâs sucking in his tummy, flexing his biceps as if heâs some big, strong man.
âI appreciate beautiful things. Donât you?â
âOh â smooth, smooooth fucking operator, very nice. I mean, an art exhibit is one thing, but full-frontal is kinda different.â
âMm,â you come up to him, kissing his back now, kissing his shoulders. âNot with you.â It has two meanings, a double-edged sword: he always finds such weird shit so artistic, and not even in a directly perverse way; he loves the movie Brown Bunny, and genuinely believes that the blowjob was crucial to the plot. On the other hand, heâs also just â different. Even if full-frontal, on average, may not be worthy of the Louvre, itâs Roman. Heâs Venus as a boy. Heâs something entirely different from the rest.
And he canât handle that. His face scrunches up again, as if in pain, feels his eyes hot, wet. Youâre kissing his back and saying heâs art.
With a quick whine, heâs turned around in your arms and facing you, kissing you the way youâd imagine a woman may kiss her husband after he returns home from The War. Itâs silly, itâs almost like he thinks youâll disappear if he stops, it feels like heâs a kid, like heâs a little kid again with a crush on Sally-May-whatâs-her-name aka who-gives-a-fuck. Like heâs never kissed in his life, and heâs wearing noise-cancelling headphones and the only thing playing is how the fabric of your dress moves against his hand as he hold onto it like reigns, and the squeaky noises of lips on lips, and your soft little noise is surprise.
But you donât push him away. You let him take his fill. And he does, and when heâs done, he licks his spit from your lips with such reverence that itâs hard not to laugh.
âW-fuck, what?â
âNo! No, Roro, itâs fine, no, youâre just,â you chuckle breathlessly, partly because youâre trying to hold back a laugh at his actions, tongue slowly tickling and tracing your lips, and partly because you hardly have any breath left after that kiss. âOh, Romeyrabbit. Youâre just silly. Silly, silly boy.â
Heâs about to retort, but your hands are in his hair and he allows it. Heâs okay with being some fucking stupid âRomeyrabbitâ and âsilly boyâ if you take off this dress. So he crumples, nuzzles into your touch, and tries tugging off your dress.
âOkay, okay,â you respond, paying no mind to his puppy dog eyes the moment you pull away to take off your dress. âYou, too!â You demand, and he quickly obeys, unbuckling and unzipping, slacks on the floor in seconds, tugging his socks off along with them.
He watches while still standing. He knows he looks stupid, just standing there and gawking at you, but â Venus of Townley is in his bedroom tugging down her dress and slipping off her shoes.
Taking too-big, clumsy steps, he walks with his bare feet in only his navy blue Calvin Klein briefs to go behind you and take off your bra with clammy hands. He tugs it down your shoulders and lets it fall down your arms. Itâs not sexual, it isnât anything at all; itâs him, itâs you, itâs a quiet, cool bedroom on Valentineâs Day.
Panties are next and then itâs all off. He keeps his briefs on, usually does, though he may take them off at some point through the night. But this is enough. He leans into the crook of your neck from behind, his nose nudging at your ear.
âMmbed,â he mumbles what seems like a childish demand. âBeddy-bye.â
You hold his hand where itâs wrapped around your tummy, draw it up to your lips, and kiss the back of it. He sways with you in his arms â well, less of swaying, more of yanking you side-to-side with a playful growl. You giggle, let out a ridiculous laugh. You can feel his grin on your skin.
In bed, itâs soft, and the sheets feel as expensive as they are. Your noses touch, and he nudges them together when you start to fall asleep during the ceremonial staring contest ritual that has apparently just begun. But soon, you drift off and he doesnât nudge you, just lets you. You make little âmmn,â noises in your sleep and his lips quirk up at them. He stares. He watches you sleep, if only for a few minutes. Itâs a weird thing to do as is. But he likes it, the two of you entangled and him being able to just love you, watch you, observe you as you are. It is Valentineâs Day, after all. It begs the question of what the whole fucking holiday is about if not just this.
Just this. You and him. How nice is that? How nice can life fucking get?
wide awake, breathing hard
just started my period after a prolonged ovulation (no one cares mutt) and i decided i missed being horny. written for people with periods that use she/her pronouns.
TW: smut, just about straight from the get-go. typical roman hijinks. somno that seems soft but he has ulterior motives because he loooooves you and your poor period pussy. i canât tell if this is misogynistic or just romantic being ironic, but believe me, he loves you. PERIOD STUFF! CRUDE LANGUAGE! DUBCON (wellâŠmaybe noncon)! praise and degradation but kinda fucked in a sweet way. he finds you cute-slash-as beautiful as a goddess. roman films you without your consent and whispers commentary. rimming, roman eats your ass. breeding at the end.
A/N: technically thus far, nothing on my blog is 100% canon to My Roman Storyline (oh shit gotta actually write that â forgot i had to write my own story). this is just for fun. self-indulgent as fuck; nothing more, nothing less. also no beta. no anything actually i wrote this on my phone mostly in the tumblr app and said yeah thatâs good enough send it out. so donât take this as some sort of literary piĂšce de rĂ©sistance of fanfiction, itâs 5k words that i would compare to a tangled ball of yarn. ur welcum
Offering to shave Roman as a super intimate sweet thing and he's blabbing about how you're gonna sweeney todd him or give him a hitler stache the whole time but like....you refusing to DO it until he stops talking because you DONT want to risk even nicking him makes something scared and curled up inside his chest unfurl a little
sometimes you (i) have to totally scrap my compsci scratch assignment because an ask reaches into you and squeezes your heart and womb. i need this, and i need this in a very, very specific point in time; this being when roman's still soft, not too official, when living with him is a familiar routine but it's a lazy day in, probably after something Big happened. like the whole thing when they outbid him and he says he's going back to LA to jerk off? that brief period of time is when i'm thinking this happens â complaining about the immense amount of money he and his sibs just spent to get PGM (which he obvi doesn't give a fuck about, really) and yet still loving that reeling in his head, the feeling of sheer fucking success, running on that high.
this scene ââ
"You're gonna fuck it up so bad," he grins when you grip the razor. He has his citrus-smelling shave oil slathered on beneath a layer of woodsy scented shaving cream brushed on and returned to the bathroom counter behind where you sit.
"Shut uâno I am not! I do this like, every day, so I have more experienced, I'm an experienced shaver," you say, hand trembling a little nonetheless.
"Uh, yeah, experience doesn't mean you're good. Lemme see behind your knees," he teases at a spot you sometimes miss when shaving.
"Fuck youuuu, I'm bound to make mistakes if I do it all the fucking time, it's the law of â something-or-another."
"Mmmhm. You gonna Chaplin me? I'm not sure if I trust you, you got that mischievous look in your eye, I think you're gonna get me cancelled," he squints as he looks in your eyes.
"Yeah, gonna give you a shitstache, heil Roman."
"Don't say that, you're gonna get my dick hard. Cancellable offenses, mmmm yummy-yummy-yum," he exaggeratedly moans, hands drifting to holding your upper thighs beneath the oversized tee you wear. He's in his own white tee, tucked into slacks with his belt hanging off the side of your dresser, still mostly dressed from how he fell asleep last night, just falling into bed after getting off a plane from Manhattan, ready to come back to LA as soon as possible.
"Well, if so, I can give you an obligatory blowie when I finish shaving your furry face," you say with a grin, matching his a little too well. It's weird how much you sort of just keep the banter up, and how you actually enjoy it â and, you have just enough spontaneity (or trust, that he'll make sure you're taken care of no matter how far shit goes?) to go along with his wild fuckery, like coming along with him when he mentioned going to LA, getting out of New York and away from his siblings after the whole Tom fuckery, Dad betraying him, Matsson's â existence.
"Yeahgoodideaâor! I can shave you in return. Shave-for-shave? Or you can keep it, be all â au-naturel, cavewoman," he quickly stumbles through his words, spitting the idea out like it's whatever, half-joking, pitched high and slightly breathy, like he's more anxious than anything.
"Orrrr you can shut up and let me shave you?"
"Yeah, or â you can just go ahead and do it?" he doesn't understand why you don't just fucking do it.
"Um no, because you keep yapping every time I get close and I'm not risking a lawsuit."
"Yeah but I can't sue you â you're un-sueable, like how you can't sue God or some ungovernable thing, like a cat."
"Not really a similar situation but okayâ,"
"Kiiiiiinda is," he mumbles, but shuts up when you give him a pointed look.
"I'm not gonna cut you with this. Point blank period. So you're gonna have to stop for a minute, shhh-sh-sh-sh," you lean in as he opens his mouth to speak, pressing a little kiss to his nose.
"What, do you think I'm â?" he furrows his brows, looking all over your face. His hands on your upper thighs curl in, fingers in what isn't really a fist but more just like a tight, nervous little position where they have full access to pick at the skin around his nails.
"What?"
"Huh?" he teasingly remarks. "No, seriously, do you think I'm...do you really just not wanna nick me?"
It makes his tummy turn a little and he thinks it's a good tummy turn, maybe, like butterfly nausea instead of insecurity nausea, or maybe a mixture, 60% good tummy turns, 15% bad tummy turns, and 25% ambiguous tummy turns.
"Yeah? I feel like that's what I just said."
He still looks confused. Makes a face that looks sort of like he thinks you're insane, eyes widening for a beat and moving to the side, eyebrows raising in that short moment before one of his hands comes up to run through his hair, a little tug for a moment before he releases.
"Fucking â yeah, man. Yeah, you did, good â fuckin' â memory, genius," he scoffs a little, breathless as he speaks. Should he kiss you? He thinks it's something worthy of a kiss, but you're acting like it's nothing that you just don't wanna hurt him, and you're taking precautions specifically to avoid doing so. Like it's the most natural thing in the world to avoid hurting him entirely, like there's no other option. He feels â gross, a little more gross than he did earlier when he woke up in his slacks in your bed with his face in your tummy, kissing you 'good morning' with his morning breath.
"Are you okay? Did I break you or something, the fuck's going on?" you ask, feet dangling off the counter and reaching to wrap your calves around his thighs to pull him in closer, or perhaps to prevent him from running away, or fainting.
"Nothing! Fuck, nothing, just â go 'head, shave away, I'll â I'll shut my trap," he pauses for a second and kisses you, a little peck, shockingly passionate for the short amount of time it lasted, leaving a little bit of his shaving cream around your mouth for a moment, then wiping it off. "There, okay, now I'm done, shave on."
He gets all soft and twinkly-eyed when you shave him, every single time. Just stares at your face and thinks weird shit like how he could do your makeup â you could do each other's and have a little makeup party, how good it would feel to get butterfly kisses from you, how soft your lashes are, how much he wants to nuzzle his nose against you in a little nose kiss, wonders if one day you'd like to shave a little pornstache or goatee for him, how bad you'd bully him for it â or equally hot, how much you'd like it.
He'll keep his hands on your upper thighs, and back, and waist, and maybe massage your boobs depending on your mood, if he thinks you'll lean into it or get all twitchy. And afterwards, when he washes all his shaving cream and shaving oil off, after he applies aftershave, he'll thank you in his own way. Maybe with a kiss, or making out, or dutifully shaving your legs as well (how he's learned to do so well over time), or maybe just plan to rub his scratchy face all over you when it starts to grow back.
he's such a scruffy puppy i can't STAND HIMMMMMMM GOD
Hi mutt! I adored the tom x puppy!reader you wrote and i was wondering do you have any headcanons for Kendall x puppy!reader? Thank you so much đâșïž
yesyesyesyesyes!!! iâm so happy to get the kendall community finally coming here since i havenât really had a lot of kendall fans/kendallgrrrls in my inbox and therefore havenât really had the chance to give him much love lolâŠ.i got a little freakier on this one but if anyone wants more sfw-focused ones lmk!
đŻ whereas tom is a dog lover in general, i donât think kendall is the doggiest of guys. heâs not one to immediately coo when you just do something cute â he expects actual training. he still loves you, pets you, plays with you, but heâs a bit more upper-echelon about behavior and your treatment. and honestly, a bit more unashamed of you. a little more nonchalant about the whole situation.
đŻ he trains you with some simple stuff â coming when he makes a little noise, a whistle or click, and bending over whenever he says, kneeling on command. it becomes a party trick sometimes. you make him proud, youâre sort of a show of strength and power for him. you obey him willingly. doesnât that sort of mean something?
đŻ and ughhhgghh, when kenâs using again, i think heâd love to get his puppy involved. making you stick your tits out or buying you a cute push-up bra (maybe paw print â wouldnât that be so cute!) so he can line some coke up on your cleavage and snort it off. itâs okay, youâre a good puppy, youâll get your treat. heâd take his belt off lazily and tug his pants down for you to go ahead and take what you earned.
đŻ while tom coos softly and sweetly when trying to get his puppy to speak â usually with the pupâs face on his inner thigh with pouty lips and puppy dog eyes, being denied a treat â kendall is not so sugar-coated. ken is soft on you, sure, but not in any way that a puppy would think is rolling over or showing weakness. heâs soft in subtle ways, like the fact that youâll never be without toys or treats, but he also has you under lock and fucking key. youâre an extension of him, and he doesnât keep you â or any of this â private.
đŻ kendall is obsessed with obedience. he makes every âgood girlâ a real reward that you worked for. like ken having people over â lawyers, people drafting documents for him, doing stuff he probably should be overseeing â and giving you a command, seeing if youâll obey. something private and sensitive that youâd be confused about, like him just quickly saying, âPresent,â just to see if youâll bend over the couch how he usually makes you.
đŻ if you donât obey, donât worry. heâs not too much of a restrictive owner. he may not let you cum for a few days â up to a week â but if youâre good, you can still sleep in his bed at night. and hey, if he really wants to show you off, he may even let you have a little treat despite not obeying; just not the treat you were hoping for.
đŻ âLay,â heâll say, knowing youâll at least obey that â and you do, quickly laying down on your belly where you were once sitting on the sofa beside him. âWhatâs that? Come on, nuzzle, show me youâre happy,â heâll sound like an excited pet owner but heâs just making you rub your cheek against his bulge, getting him hard in public despite being in the comfort of his own home, chastising you if you nudge too hard and seem demanding, or nuzzle too soft and seem hesitant.
đŻ oh, and just real quick â kendall definitely likes using âspeakâ when youâre fucking. and fuck, when heâs in one of his moods, i can definitely see him getting frustrated because youâre moaning, not barking, and yanking you by your collar to remind you, âThatâs not how dogs speak.â
Succession (Jesse Armstrong, 2018-2023)
For Roy Week 2026 - May 28th: Shiv Roy & Power
Jerk off to me. This is an order.
anytime i do a character ask game I am reminded that this is the kind of person I am and its awesome i lov e my this
I wish I could have heard you sing this⊠I bet you have a beautiful voice
Miss Mutt I have been here before and Iâll be here again. Buttttt itâs Motherâs Day and Iâm thinking of Roman and his girl who he treats so nice on her special day (a holiday that has nothing to do with her)âŠmmmmmâŠ
and youâre right! hereâs a real, actualâŠthing, ramble, since this one is a very last-minute, slapped-together schtick.
he definitely sort of acts like meh, itâs alright, because youâll probably be a mother of his hellion(s) eventually, so might as well just go ahead and celebrate a couple years in advance, right? so he does the stuff, the typical stuff. your favorite flowers in the kitchen by the window you sit at to drink your coffee in the morning, probably a couple notes scattered around. like that one post jazz made a long time ago where kieran scattered love notes around, except instead of something sweet and simple like âhi baby i love youâ itâs something more âholiday-themedâ â aka, âmommy need her milk?â on your favorite latte from your favorite cafe that he picked up for you (and maybe even made the barista write âhot mamaâ as the name), or your name inside a heart scribbled onto about ten sticky notes slapped onto the walls along your morning routine path.
and when workâs over, heâs taking you to your place, one of the places you guys went for your first date that you hadnât been to in a while. because you donât go for anniversaries or birthdays or all the time anymore, youâve been venturing out and finding new spots, so heâs got a reservation and is taking you back to the basics. and yeah, he got you a stupid card that he drew a smiley face with boobs on the inside of just to piss you off.
but when youâre hoooomeeeâŠ.itâs not a joke. heâs all clingy and what once â mere hours ago â was ironic, heâs being serious about, in his own stubborn and defensive, half-mumbled way. heâs being all sappy with the little, âyeah, anything for my little lady,â comments like at dinner, but then actually getting up and asking if you need like, nutella and a giant spoon, or the chocolate-covered strawberries with hearts drawn onto them that cost his accountantâs hourly rate. definitely faceplants into your boobs once you two settle on a movie to mostly just fall asleep to. might offer to give you a quick massage if youâre feeling especially down. which he always starts too softly, but once he gets the groove of it, heâs pretty fucking good at it. leaves little kisses here and there as he works, on sensitive spots he knows youâre weak for.
happy motherâs day (a little late)!
Yass i so agree with you on Kendall x puppy!reader, i think that heâd show off puppy reader specifically to stewy because I wholeheartedly believe theyâre on the same level of freak
oh my GOD i forgot about stewy im so absorbed by the fucking roys and tomâŠâŠfuuuuuuck stewy coming over and being kinda like ??? cool dog, man. i guess. and kenâs like oh yeah i forgot to tell you about her sheâs chill. you can fuck her. like in the tone of you can pet her she wonât biteđđUGGGRHRHHRHRHHHHH FUUUUUCK
sucking stewyâs dick while ken uses one of your holes. doesnât really matter which, does it? and the good thing about ken is, heâs not really very fertile â so no need for condoms, right? no need to take birth control or worry about any of that stuff; whatever happens, happens, because if anything did happen, itâd have to be fate.
Thanks for sexualizing peoples trauma fuckhead
anytime
kieran culkin as roman roy in succession's celebration (2018)