Angel @mxd-rxe - Tumblr Blog

imastupidfatpig

mealspo ~3~

fuck-that-imstarving

starlonga

growing up:

i wish they would have told me

that one day life will become

only surviving

maybe then my younger self

would have seen importance

in what she was creating,

some days

when my constant worrying

isn't completely eating me alive

i sit down and i read

the things that she wrote

those words are so beautiful to me now,

she never saw them like that

always a flaw,

something that could have been worded better

i think she worded everything perfectly

because i can't seem to remember

what childhood was like

but i feel it

when i open those pages

pain so raw

like an open wound

i guess i've just gone numb to it all now

she inspires me

i wish she would've listened

when people told her that back then.

20 is being too worried about the bills to worry about ur mental health

#help

weltenwellen

Mary Oliver, from “Hum Hum”, A Thousand Mornings

typewriter-worries

[ Text ID: Some wounds never vanish. Yet little by little I learned to love my life. ]

weltenwellen

Ruth Awad, from “Let me be a lamb in a world that wants my lion”

a psychiatrist once told me

that bad things happen to me

because i look like a perfect victim

“look at the way you’re sitting,

you look scared

you look like an easy target”

i think the only thing that i heard that day

is to bite before they do

and i spent a couple years after that

trying to rip everyone’s head off

they said i was angry

but i said i would never be a victim again

no matter how many people

i had to hurt in the process

no matter how scared of this world

i actually was

they would never see that.

#poetry

I speak to the devil in the back seat-

Just how I remembered him.

“You’re in pain,

I can see it in those eyes”

He whispers in my ear,

“I can help you,

If you’d let me”.

But what he doesn’t know is,

I met him already

Many years ago

Back when I lived in the room

With the pink walls.

I’ve tasted his drugs,

His tongue,

His fist

Since childhood.

He is who I got to know best in this world.

“I don’t need your help.”

Doctor,

My anxiety has been eating me alive lately.

I don’t want your little blue pills,

They just make me sad.

I’m not mentally ill,

Just frustrated.

I know what my soul was meant for

But my body is so far away.

I was placed here with no map,

Just a destination

And a world full of people

Who think I’ve lost it.

Doctor,

I don’t know how I’m going to get there

But I promise I’m on the way.

I just thought someone should know.

time is a very strange thing,

something that i avoid thinking about

most of the time

for example

i could have sworn i saw you last night

but somehow it’s been half a year

and i can remember those parties

like i’m getting dressed up for one now

but it’s been a year since i last attended,

the girl who was convinced she was going to die

at the hand of those drugs

has in fact died,

i occupy her body now

we lay in bed alone

we go to work monday through friday

we know how to be sober again

and we don’t crave

the life we used to

it’s a weird feeling to have

i know i made the right choice,

to walk away from it all

but it does get lonely

and that’s just me being honest,

sometimes i miss her,

the girl who would say anything

to anyone

the girl who made out with strangers

and crashed cars

but then i remember

the same girl looking in the mirror

beggging screaming crying

for a way out

the girl who promised that once she

got everything back

she would never let it go again.

headd-lines-deactivated20200806

Interesting how people think your life is easy just because you don’t talk about the things you go through

asoftwrongness

instagram | prints

asoftwrongness

Only a few days left to grab this print from the shop!

mxd-rxe

Guilt-

There are versions of me that exist in this world, that no longer exist in me. They’re out of date and inaccurate, but someone out there knows them better than I do.

Someone out there still calls them by my name,

And that is the hardest part somedays.

I wish I could reintroduce myself to every person I’ve ever known.

I wish they didn’t know me as the girl who cries after she pulls that trigger.

I wish they knew the girl who put the gun away and mourns the souls she killed. All their graves live in my notebooks and I bring them each flowers every night.

I’m sorry that I let the bad people turn me into one of them.

I’m sorry that you had to know her.

I promise

To never kill again.

mxd-rxe

i killed again