grace prepping rocky for what to expect while on the trip to erid.
grace having rocky review his math to ensure he's got his rations measured out right, that he's correctly calculated the rate of taumoeba growth, that the human food to synthetic food ratio is proportional in relationship to both. grace explains the symptoms of starvation and vitamin deficiency so rocky doesn't get scared and think something's gone wrong. lets him know there's nothing he can do, nothing he can fix. that the rations will keep him alive but only keep him alive, and that's the plan. keeps it clinical, textbook, for both their sake.
grace teaching rocky about cabin fever and touch starvation and the effects of human isolation. lets him know what to expect, what behavioral and personality changes might happen, that it won't just be his body that rots from the inside out, and that's the plan too.
grace showing rocky the gun and the lethal injection kits, tells him humans try to kill themselves when they get like this, that grace doesn't want to kill himself now but in the future he may want to, and that rocky has to keep him from doing so. put out airlock question? the lethal injections kits can be reverse engineered by eridian doctors to make human medicine, grace will need it in the future. and the gun can be reverse engineered by eridian scientists to keep erid safe, earth might not want to be friends. passing them through the flexible barrier, telling rocky to hide them and don't reveal them until they get to erid, no matter what he says or does. better take the ropes for good measure, don't give these to him unless he has to do a space walk.
rocky helpless but to watch as grace can do less and less and less, until he spends all his time curled up in the holochamber wearing layers of his dead crewmate's clothes. rocky building walls up around the platform so grace can make a nest of pillows and blankets and clothing, keeping himself warm, watching videos of other humans, crying at random for reasons he either doesn't know or can't explain or refuses to say.
rocky desperately trying to be enough companionship for him. their language barrier makes it difficult, even with their mutual study during the years when grace was sharp. like the taumoeba, it's only just enough to keep grace alive. the xenon barrier allowing only enough touch, enough warmth, to keep grace grounded and no more.
rocky plagued with thoughts of what grace would have done if he'd not come back for him. how would the return trip to earth have been? would he have stayed awake, allowing himself to go crazy and risking suicide, or would he have put himself back under, completely alone with not even a corpse to give the impression of safety, and still risked death from a malfunctioning life support system? grace has the worst of both worlds now. companionship so close but not close enough, a barely satisfied need for conversation, a barely satisfied need for touch, and rocky's needs making it so grace can't go into a coma for the trip. disgust disgust disgust.
rocky building the first version of the form-fitting suit while grace is asleep, which is often. he doesn't want to get his hopes up in case it doesn't work, but rocky will do everything he can to make it work. and when it finally does work and he hugs grace for the first time, grace doesn't let go for a long, long time. rocky isn't used to being so still, so immobilized. he could pick grace up and move him but grace seems better, more like himself, being held and warm and looking at pictures of people.
cloth mother in the form of a basking rock.
grace doesn't want to ask rocky for anymore than he's given, always laughs off his tears and tells him he doesn't have to do this, doesn't have to stay, can do his own thing, do whatever he wants, don't worry about it. but rocky can't. what else is he supposed to want to do but lay there in the nest next to him, limbs draped over him so grace is weighed down but not crushed, reaching up to pet through his hair, wipe his tears, listen to his breathing and his heart beat, and whatever nonsensical meandering conversation his brain tries to drum up. his stomach doesn't growl anymore.
rocky's in hell. this trip has been hell. what did he do to deserve to be tortured in this way? first his crew and now grace - there will be 23 corpses after all if rocky fails this. he can't fail this. and even if he does fail this he can't even kill himself, he has to get the taumoeba back to erid, teach them how to use it, get home to adrian.
why does he have to be the one to shoulder all of reality? thank god he's strong.
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