♏ortem3r.

Hey, tumblr, it's Suzy! I'm also known as Mortem3r. Let's be best friends. [Not Suzy Berhow.]

[madeofnxmbers-deactivated201504]

[text: suzy??] nice to meet you when i’m sober, Suzy [text: suzy??] …wait, suzy? as in arin’s wife? or are you another suzy? [text: suzy??] because if you’re /not/ another suzy [text: suzy??] i’m a really big fan and i know dan and i’m /SO SORRY/

[mxrtem3r]

[text]: Ah, my reputation precedes me. Yes, I am Mrs. Egoraptor. [text]: Wait. You know Dan? Oh, my God. I think he's mentioned you. [text]: Your slate is wiped clean for now, Church dear. At least you didn't vom all over me. That would have been a different story. [text]: And thank you so much!!!

[barricxrn-deactivated20150422]

[text] I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a “let’s fuck” way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of “let me wash your hair” way.

SUPER TEXT LIST! (Texts From Last Night Inspired)

[text] I know what you mean, and it seems like it could be fun. We could have splash wars and everything.

[barricxrn-deactivated20150422]

[Text: Suzy]: If Arin wants, he can. I don’t mind there being a bubble bath party. [Text: Suzy]: We could probably team up against him if he joins. Just cover him in bubbles.

[mxrtem3r]

[text]: Hopefully we'd all fit. [text]: You know, thinking about it, we're a pretty odd bunch. I mean, I knew that before, but now we're planning bubble bath parties.

[madeofnxmbers-deactivated201504]

[text] You kept calling me baby Jesus and trying to see what wise men had to say about my hair…

[text: b abby jeuss] …[text: b abby jeuss] .well i guess that would explain your name in my phone[text: b abby jeuss] my god dude i’m so sorry[text: b abby jeuss] sorry that that’s how we met uh. i don’t really drink often??[text: b abby jeuss] man. um. i’m church by the way. so what’s your real name?

[mxrtem3r]

[text]: It's fine. To be honest, it was actually pretty hilarious. [text]: My hair is pretty godlike, so it's understandable. [text]: Hey, Church, it's nice to meet you sober - even if it's through text. I'm Suzy.

[mxrtem3r]

ooc:

Trying to get in tune with the muse and all my brain is saying to me is "play video games". It means business, guys. So, for now, mostly just memes and little things.

[mxrtem3r]

[TEXT]: Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.

[text]: Holly, I think it may be time for an intervention.

[mxrtem3r]

[text]: You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.

[text]: Anybody who makes me a burrito is an angel, Danny. You should know this.

[rapturcrising-deactivated201807]

[text]: Then I’m pretty convinced that almost all my friends are angels. 

[mxrtem3r]

[text]: You get all the burrito lovin'. But, wait, that totally means I'm an angel. Score.

[mxrtem3r]

[text]: You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.

[text]: Anybody who makes me a burrito is an angel, Danny. You should know this.

[mxrtem3r]

[text]: According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.

[text]: Dan.[text]: Danny.[text]: Daniel.[text]: Don’t do that to me. I need a baby elephant to play with.>

[spaceballad-deactivated20150415]

Little Food!Grumps drawings that I posted on twitter but never on here aha 

[mxrtem3r]

TFLN Inspired Starters

[text]: I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.

[text]: I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS

[text]: We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out

[text]: I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.

[text]: two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.

[text]: I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass

[text]: Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.

[text]: According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.

[text]: You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party

[text]: I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.

[text]: What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"

[text]: Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.

[text]: YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.

[text]: Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.

[text]: I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.

[text]: I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...

[text]: You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it

[text]: I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool

[text]: I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.

[text]: Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.

[text]: A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.

[text]: OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE

[text]: Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.

[text]: Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him

[text]: I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.

[text]: I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"

[text]: Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.

[text]: I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.

[text]: Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.

[text]: I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.

[text]: When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.

[text]: Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.

[text]: i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?

[text]: That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.

[text]: I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock

[text]: I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night

[text]: Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car

[text]: I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress

[text]: Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?

[text]: Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.

[text]: I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there

[text]: She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?

[text]: We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.

[text]: So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together

[text]: That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.

[text]: I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that

[text]: Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant

[text]: Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night

[text]: I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.

[text]: Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.

[text]: I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.

[text]: How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..

[text]: Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you

[text]: I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family

[text]: You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.

[yafictionquotes]

[mxrtem3r]

.

[mxrtem3r]

ooc:

[fortheloveofsega]

✆

"Look, I have no idea who you are. I’m pressing random numbers here. I need help! Help, help!"

[fortheloveofsega]

Chad turned and saw Suzy. He was relieved but a small flash of guilt lit his face. She wasn’t Becky and probably wasn’t an X-Code wielder like Nigel. Where were they? She asked him what the pixelated monster was and he turned to her.

"It used to be a Birdo, I think. The glitchy part of Videoland can get confusing. I’ll explain things really quickly: I’m Captain S, defender of the world of video games. This… thing followed me home." He handed her the light gun he was holding and it looked like a normal SEGA Genesis gun. "Use this. Wait for my signal and fire at it’s head."

[mxrtem3r]

Suzy was utterly confused when she was handed the SEGA Genesis gun. Part of her couldn't help but question the sanity of the so called "Captain S" but the creature that was once Birdo made her blindly put all of her faith in him. Maybe she wouldn't be totally out of her element since what was going on involved video games, but that didn't mean she was any less terrified. She nodded as she held the gun up, aiming for the creature's head, and waiting for his signal. "I'm Suzy, by the way." It neither a timely introduction nor one quite as dramatic as his, but she felt he deserved to know her name at least. With everything so chaotic she was working on auto-pilot.

[mxrtem3r]

Icebreakers I

"Excuse me, but you’ve got a little something on your face there."

"Well... this is awkward."

"I guess this is the part where we shake hands and say 'nice to meet you', right?"

"I've seen you here before, but I guess I just never had the courage to say hello before."

"I'm so excited to finally meet you in person! I've always dreamed of this."

"Sorry, but, um... am I the only one confused here? Why hasn't anyone else showed up?"

"Watch out!"

"Am I dead? Are you an angel?"

"Okay, okay, listen. I miiiiight have had a little too much, and I miiight need someone to help me get home. You look trustworthy, so let's go."

"I'm sorry--please, can you help me?"

"I look forward to working with you."

"I look forward to serving you."

"Stay still! I'm trying to stop the bleeding!"

"I'm not trying to be nosy or anything, but... I've been seeing you here a lot lately, always by yourself. I just wanted to say, if you have anything on your mind, I'd listen."

"Um, I know you don't know me, but I think what you did back there was very brave."

"Some weather we're having, huh?"

[fortheloveofsega]

✆

"Look, I have no idea who you are. I’m pressing random numbers here. I need help! Help, help!"

[fortheloveofsega]

Chad took a deep breath. Good, there was someone out there willing to help him. He pulled out his light gun and turned to face the sprite monstrosity that had followed him out of Videoland. “You’ve met your match, glitchy.” He put on his best bravado.

[mxrtem3r]

Suzy had no idea what was going on but what kind of person would she be if she turned her back to someone in need? She shoved her phone into her back pocket as she slid into her car and began to drive a bit over the speed limit. New York wasn't exactly familiar to her but, luckily she did know her way to Central Park. Her mind was racing as she arrived at her destination. She had forgotten how big said park was. Her darkly outlined eyes surveyed the area in what she thought would be a futile attempt to find Chad. To her surprise, the scene that he was a part of was not easily missed. She knew he had to be the source of the voice on the phone. She got out of her car and ran quickly to him despite not knowing what to do. "What the hell is that thing?" She asked once she was next to him.

[fortheloveofsega]

✆

"Look, I have no idea who you are. I’m pressing random numbers here. I need help! Help, help!"

[fortheloveofsega]

"My name’s Chad Belmont. I’m in Central Park and something went wrong!" The voice on the other line was female. That was all he knew about Suzy at this point. He tried calling Nigel and his girlfriend Becky, but they must have been out of the house. His tone of voice showed an attempt to calm down, but if Chad was trying to call friends, it was really bad.

[mxrtem3r]

"Okay, okay. I think I can make it there." Luckily for Chad, Suzy and Arin had both traveled to New York recently. They were supposed to leave soon but the male on the other end of the phone sounded distressed enough for Suzy to pause her packing. "Just don't go anywhere, I'm getting in my car right now." She spoke into the phone which was wedged between her shoulder and her cheek. She grabbed her purse and her keys before quickly exiting the hotel room.