My Midnight Diary

"It's scary that you never know how much they think about you, or if they even do at all"

[enjoy-the-life-baby]

[lake-to-land]

[diveintothesea]

[my-midnight-diary]

Heavy

My friends asked me to go out tonight. After being closed for remodelling, my favorite place in the city reopened. I can’t believe I told them I was jet lagged. Now that I think of it, they probably know I was lying. I couldn’t go out tonight because you and I had the time of our lives there. They wouldn’t understand this to hurt a year after. But it was the last place in the city where I felt like me, the way I was when I was with you. The girl with the sparkle in her eyes and the head turning smile. I felt happy. Today my heart feels heavy. So heavy, I can’t get out of bed to meet them. Because how could I ever pretend to be happy, how could I force myself to use the little strength my body has to fake a smile, when the last place where we were us, where I felt like me, completely changed?

[stability]

[minusmanhattan]

[clarys]

I cost a girl her life because I was afraid to love her.

[love-personal]

[serependipity]

But just because you bury something, that doesn’t mean it stops existing. Those feelings, they’d been there all along. All that time. I had to face it. He was part of my DNA. I had brown hair and I had freckles and I would always have Conrad in my heart. ”

Belly Conklin

[The Summer trilogy]

(via serependipity)

[my-midnight-diary]

There are things that the mouth does not speak, but the soul screams

D.

[my-midnight-diary]

8:17

Now I need to find the person I am when I’m with you, but I have to do it without you

[my-midnight-diary]

7:36

I miss you.

Because before all of this mess, you were my best friend, even if right now I don’t know what we are, and I cry, and I feel like screaming at the top of my lungs, but I don’t want anyone to hear it.

I love you.

And before all of this, you used to love me too. And even when you were on the other side of the world, you were the person I felt was closest to me. And then you came home. And you hugged me, and you let me cry on your shoulder, but it didn’t take long before you made me laugh.

And it hurts.

Because we are are fighting. because even when we say we are okay, we’re not. Because you don’t love me anymore. And it hurts, because it doesn’t hurt you.

And I am here waiting for you to miss me, but you keep laughing, you are happy, you are still you.

And my head spins a little faster every second, and my heart breaks a little more

[my-midnight-diary]

half-sober thoughts

She asked me why I didn’t let any guy in my life, why I never felt one was special enough for me. Her question kept me up at night, and the only conclusion I could reach was that, while my life was full of chaotic and melancolice events, I wanted the only thing that I could choose to be absolutely perfect.

[cmg-1218]

Jenny Han, The Summer I Turned Pretty

[the-final-sentence]

‘Let me stay a little longer in the sun.’

Winston Graham, from Demelza (via the-final-sentence)

[kilgarymountain-deactivated2013]

[my-midnight-diary]

But, sometimes, we break our own hearts. We think so much about what could be, that we actually believe it, and when it doesnt happen we are dissapointed, and we blame them for our broken heart, when its a broken dream

-D.