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ā dulce et decorum est pro patria mori
yeah that's my emotional support sketching therapy
Hollanov hanging out with the pikes and Hayden trying to get under Ilyaās skin by asking Shane a hypothetical like āwhat kind of guy do you think youād be with if you never met Ilyaā except Shane doesnāt miss a beat before answering very casually and matter of factly āwell I never wouldāve come out if I never met Ilyaā and the mood in the room is suddenly much less jovial
I do think that Shane gets a Russian language tutor. He sees that Ilya is always having to think, speak, and translate in his second language. And he knows that Ilya is fluent by this point, but if he's serious about forever with Ilya (which he is) he wants Ilya to be able to communicate with his boyfriend in his native language. He also saw how much his grandparents struggled with learning English as adults and how much more expressive and talkative they were when they spoke Japanese at home together.
So he gets a tutor. He meticulously researches her (she's from Moscow, so he'll learn from someone with Ilya's same accent). She's signed to more NDAs than he can count. She has 10 years of experience, she's certified to teach English and Russian, and she has 4.8 stars on MyTutor.
Shane pays her a frankly concerning amount of money to make house calls. Twice weekly, unless he's on the road, she arrives at his apartment to teach him foundational Russian. She gives him workbooks, Russia cartoon recommendation, podcasts for beginners, etc. He tells her he's learning because his boyfriend is Russian and she outlines a course that focuses on domestic language first (as opposed to travel or business). She even teaches him what she calls a 'culture course' with lessons on Russian music, food, and various traditions.
She's only a few years older than Shane and he actually finds himself looking forward to her visits. At this point, she's the only person other than his parents that knows he has a boyfriend.
About 4 months in, Shane finally feels comfortable enough to ask about what he'd been very excited about learning.
"You want me to teach you how to talk dirty to your boyfriend?" Ekaterina raised an eyebrow.
"Um," Shane blushed. Was this a little too far? Was this inappropriate to ask of a tutor? "Yes? If - If that's okay, I mean."
A slow smirk spread over her face. "This will be fun. Fun for me, now. Fun for you, later."
"I made a list," Shane admitted. He wasn't going to back out now, he put a lot of thought into his list. He turned to it in his Russian notebook and handed it to her.
She scanned over it indifferently. "You will use all this in one night?"
"Yeah, probably. Is it too much?"
"It is good you have a Russian man," Ekaterina said. "They have good stamina. Mostly, anyway."
And while it was a little embarrassing for Ekaterina to correct his pronunciation of please let me suck your cock, it helped that she seemed just as comfortable with that as there is tea on the stove.
Though, maybe he shouldn't have learned those phrases at the same time, because Ilya will never, for as long as they live, allow him to forget asking, while down on his knees and with excellent pronunciation, please let me suck your tea.
- i bet we were fun.
- like you wouldnāt believe.
Jean Greyās unstoppable rage vs Peter Parkerās immovable kindness
Concept:
Ilya does love seeing old photos of Shane. Fat Baby Shane⢠in all his forms, toddler Shane in his little hockey gear, Shane in elementary school with a big missing-teeth smile, Shane blowing out the candles on his 10th birthday, Shane holding up his brand new driver's license at 16. The list goes on.
One day Yuna finds an old disposable camera. The expiration date on it says 2009. She tells Shane about it; it might have some old photos from his graduation on it or something. She'd gotten a digital camera around that time so she can't remember what she used this one for. Shane is pretty indifferent about it.
Yuna sends the camera off to some company that still develops old camera film. It's about 15 years old at this point, though, so whatever is on it might not even develop correctly.
A few weeks later Shane and Ilya are over for dinner. Yuna tells them she got the photos back and they actually turned out ok. She hands over the stack of 10 photos. Shane rolls his eyes, but Ilya grabs the photos and starts flipping through them. The first two look like they are from some school event; there's Shane surrounded by similarly aged kids in an auditorium. There's one of the three of them on Thanksgiving that year and another of the three of them with Yuna's parents at the same dinner. Two of David asleep on the couch with the family dog clearly taken on different days. One of a Christmas tree in the Hollander's living room. The next two are Shane on the ice in a rink that Ilya recognizes as the one in Regina. The one from their first World Juniors Tournament.
And Ilya freezes. The last photo in the stack is a close-up of Shane. He's in a white hoodie with a black coat over it. He has on a dark green beanie and he's standing next to the door to the rink. He's smiling for the camera and his freckles are crinkled near his eyes. It's the Shane that so awkwardly and so confidently introduced himself to Ilya the first time they met. The Shane that had tried so hard to talk to Ilya then. The Shane that Ilya could admit to himself now that he'd had a bit of a crush on already. His Shane.
His Shane was getting blurry as tears filled his eyes.
Closer to where you are (is where I must be) [Hollanov][Heated Rivalry]
Chapter One: Doubt is not a pleasant condition (but certainty is absurd)
Chapter Two: if the word doesn't exist, invent it
Chapter Three: Sudden deliriums / And slow tremors
Chapter Four: Paris with all its smoke
Chapter Five: Try to be happy, just to set an example
Chapter Six: Even if happiness forgets you a little bit
Chapter Seven: A garden to walk in and immensity to dream in
Chapter Eight: You who suffer because you love, love still more
Chapter Nine: If you can stay, remain; leave, if you must
Chapter 10: Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget to sing in the lifeboats
Chapter 11: The sky was pouring down its gloom upon the dismal, torpid world
Chapter 12: Nothing like a dream to create the future
Chapter 13: Tell me, does your heart sometimes fly away?
Chapter 14: Tomorrow, At Dawn
Premise: In January 2017, Ilya and Shane stay an extra night in Paris, after an exhibition series brings both of their teams to Europe, then find they can't return back after a volcano in Iceland erupts and grounds all air travel across Europe.
Chapter 14 is Up!!
Oh my god, longest thing I've ever tried to write, and I did it šµāš« No one ever let me try to write 100k+ words again, I am insane for doing that. (Pay no attention to this WIP in my google docs that is already 20k words before anything has happened, ugh)
I have so many feelings about having a fic I wrote get popular. It was super validating, obviously. I have been writing fanfiction for ummmmm 25 years (bruh), since I was a teenager, and obviously I started out terrible and got better over many years and tons of writing and now I think I'm decent, but up until this year I wrote exclusively for a veerrrryyy tiny fandom. This is the first time a lot of fucking eyeballs were on my fic, while it was in progress, and that shit was insane. Seeing my own thing come across my Reddit and Instagram was truly an out of body experience. It is nice to discover that in general a lot of other people thing I'm not all that bad of a writer, either. So, thanks for that!
These things happen basically at random, so I don't really have any expectations of it happening again, and if it does I sincerely hope I have the majority of the fic written out before it does, because man that shit can make you get in your head about every little thing you write.
Anyway, thanks for following along and liking this story as much as I liked writing it.
Stop me if you've heard this one before [Heated Rivalry][Hollanov]
(Reposting! If you somehow saw this before, ~no you didn't~) Stop me if you've heard this one before
Just posted a 22k (š) oneshot that took over my life for the last week or so. I really don't know how to summarize it without spoilers and tumblr (for some reason??) does not have any good way of hiding spoilers, so just know it's kind of an amnesia fic, kind of not. Ugh I'm so salty, I have so many thoughts that I can't share bc I don't want to spoil my own fic.
As an aside, I don't really understand the etiquette around tagging other fics as inspiration on Ao3 so I didn't do that, but I fully conceptualized this fic immediately after reading the jane box by @angel-deux-writes so even though it isn't a direct response to that fic it is pretty much the direct inspiration for this one? Anyway, go read that one too if you haven't, it's really fucking good.
my excessive use of commas and my love of run on sentences is alluring and attractive to my readers
shane is insane on the vegas rooftop yes but i think one thing that gets missed in all the analysis about it is that he is 19 years old. like FRESHLY 19. and also he never went through the weirdly intense first relationship you have when youāre 16 that makes you feel like you will die when you break up so itās all new to him. WHO among us made purely rational decisions at 19 years old, especially in matters of sex/love/flints of desire. cast that first stone, go ahead
YOUNG adult!!!!!!!! emotional development of asparagus that's grown in the dark!!!!!!!! turmoil-struck!!!!!!! drunk in front of your parents for the first time!!!!!!!!!! person you most want to see is avoiding you!!!!!!!!!!!!
so what!? so you're just up here sulking cuz what?? you couldn't take another victory lap around me? all you DO is BEAT me!!!! i win one stupid fUCkING thing you couldn't even show your face down there!!!!
...... not even that out of pocket!!!!!!
(I thought I was going to get to see you š„ŗ)
(I looked for you everywhere at this party š„ŗ)
(You told me you would fuck me and Iāve been so excited about it happening here and now youāre acting like youāve forgotten youāve ever said it and youāre breaking my heart because I wanted it so so badly š„ŗ )
The legacies people leave behind in you.
My handwriting is the same style as the teacherās who I had when I was nine. Iām now twenty one and heās been dead eight years but my iās still curve the same way as his.
I watched the last season of a TV show recently but I started it with my friend in high school. We havenāt spoken in four years.
I make lentil soup through the recipe my gran gave me.
I curl my hair the way my best friend showed me.
I learned to love books because my father loved them first.
How terrifying, how excruciatingly painful to acknowledge this. That I am a jigsaw puzzle of everyone I have briefly known and loved. I carry them on with me even if I donāt know it. How beautiful.
absolutely obsessed with these tags
I feel like Ilya would definitely get some āball and chainā type of comments regarding Shane and at one point he ends up in a group of guys who start ragging on him when he's thinking about heading out early, calling him whipped, joking about Shane having him on a tight leash, and Ilya ends up just saying, genuinely confused, ādo you guys not like your wives?ā Thereās complete silence for a second before Ilya continues, āmaybe you should give them the chance to find someone who actually enjoys spending time with them." And then he goes home to his husband, who also happens to be his favourite person in the world.
Ok but Cliff Marlow somehow managing to get into Ilya's phone after the Tunameltdown in the middle of the Hollandry crashout, and getting Montreal Jane's number.
The entire Boston roster piling behind Marly as he types, trying to decide what to say that could save them because their captain has been possessed by the spirit or a soviet military trainer with knife shoes and if they are forced to make double bagskates again they will either puke or die or both.
So Shane Hollander wakes up one day to a message from an unknown number like "Hello Miss Jane ma'am this is Clifford Marlow I don't know if you have heard of me I am sorry to be a bother I'm just wondering if you could give my good friend Ilya another chance, I promise that whatever he did he won't do again, we will help we will teach him to cook and clean and do laundry and he will cook you the best sandwiches ever if you only give him a chance only if you want of course if it's not too much of a bother Miss Jane please and thank you" and he goes through the seven stages of grief in like 4 seconds before it's even 7am. They manage to add the link to a very big spa gift card that they all chipped in to buy because at that point they're desperate.
this implies that ilya was bragging the hell out of his sandwich making ;D date and how he had learned how to make a tuna melt last weekend and it was going to be so good and so romantic. And all the hockey boys sat down when it was not so good and said "yeah my bro ilya is such a good lover, but hes a tad wild, its definitely the sandwich that he messed up"
I would like to relax with you (for once)
hollanov fic recs, part 13! i finally have free time again!! sunlight, i have missed you. you all probably won't though, because here's some more fics
lover's spit mature, 12k, ongoing. the last boston year: moments apart. spit kink and like. the mention of foot fetishes, but mostly feelings. and, well, spit kink.
i could have been somebody else teen, 4k, oneshot. rose and shane friendship, after the breakup. rose doesn't know why men think she should be so desperate to suck dick. shane offers his experience. oh my god, the way i love this fic. rose landry we GOTTA get you a dick for this man to suck. i promise you will be changed. LOVELY friendship too. this author's works make me feel like a dog that's just heard the treat bag rattle.
weāre okay, most days mature, 6k, oneshot. tw for self-harm. ilya has scars on his legs. shane doesn't say anything, and doesn't say anything, and eventually does.
baby, you're not the only one teen, 5k, oneshot. they come out. if only literally anyone could be normal about it, that would be great. hollanov try and get through other queer people's expectations of them mostly alive.
these icy waters explicit, 34k, multichapter. tw for minor character death. somewhat of a supernatural au. ilya is haunted- people around him are starting to die drowned- and he's tucked himself back into a shell of who he was. shane hollander, selkie, is not about to let that shit go unchallenged. closer to horror than mystery, but really good with both.
day 4.5 explicit, 3k, oneshot. cnc, intox sex. shane really doesn't like being high. this works out great when you're trying to play with consensual non-consent. from mean dom ilya week, a fic that drives me insane.
combine mature, 12k, complete. before the draft, players go through a test to find any bond compatibility- hollander and rozanov, as it turns out, are more than rivals. the rest of the world sees a package deal, a great team combo. from the inside, there's a little more at play. really short fic for all the incredible worldbuilding implications it offers.
all the dishes intact unrated, 5k, oneshot. shane is totally fine about being with the centaurs, really. it's just- sometimes. absolutely incredible breakdown fic i ADORE.
unexpected places gen, 2k, oneshot. jackie and shane friendship moment, very early into canon. i think we should get more of this forever. they are so dear to me.
when there's nothing left to burn mature, 23k, ongoing. scott hunter is traded to the montreal metros the same year that shane hollander is made captain. it's a little bit like watching a car crash, emotionally, and also like you just slipped in the shower and are waiting to see if this is a laugh-about-it matter or an er visit one. REALLY fun character study.
Ilya Rozanov's 12 Step Plan For Public Flirting teen, 7k, complete. what it says on the title. also has the PWHL, twitter, and a lot of bickering. really fun.
i want a scar that looks just like you mature, 6k, oneshot. soulmate au, but post-cottage. shane covers his soulmark. ilya doesn't have one. you know i appreciate a good soulmate au.
ransomed teen, 8k, oneshot. omegaverse au. unmated omegas aren't allowed on the ice after their 25th birthday. everyone is fighting over shane hollander. clearly, ilya thinks, the rational course of action is to kidnap him over it.
we go on walks teen, 46k, complete. firewatch au. shane takes up a summer to keep watch over forest fires- isolated except for hayden on the radio and one persistent camper. but there's secrets in the woods. this is like psychological horror, if it were a romance. a MUST read if you like horror; this fic will tug on every instinct and knowledge of the genre you have and leave you white-knuckling your armrest as you repeat to yourself 'i am NOT going to scroll down to find a missing person report for shane hollander' over and over.
spectral shame and other bedroom sports teen, 5k, oneshot. they move into a haunted house. fortunately, the ghost isn't hostile. unfortunately, he's both homophobic AND a prude. hollanov delight in trying to outdo each other in scandalizing him.
it's nice to hear your voice again teen, 3k, oneshot. this is ilya, i will never listen to your voicemail, he said; shane leaves them for him anyway. years later, ilya finds them. just plain cute and lovely.
modern lockets mature, 35k, oneshot. ilya wants, no needs to have shane hollander photocards. and a shrine. the only solution is to use his teammates for camouflage. complete pure and utter crack. i laughed so hard my stomach hurt.
helpless, tender, open explicit, 2k, oneshot. dubcon and bdsm. shane is sick. ilya takes care of him.
periphery teen, 24k, ongoing. you visit the people you know in your dreams, and they visit yours. shane has been dreaming people he doesn't know, in a language he doesn't speak, for years. the most FANTASTIC kind-of soulmate au i have READ i could not tell you how badly this concept fascinates me. so many amazing friendships and ocs. truly a love letter to dreams and friendships. this is one of those fics that leaves you thinking.
apple tree, my brightness explicit, 12k, oneshot. ilya character study, post-cottage. about places. also, i can't reread this when i'm emotional or i might explode. REALLY good.
with your fists for once explicit, 10k, oneshot. ilya character study: touch. he looks at hands and expects a hit. it's the way it's always been, the way it should be. hollander, however, is not that. tw for past child abuse, dubcon, and violence.
make it easy for you explicit, 10k, complete. tpe, free use, human furniture, spit as lube, painful sex. all shane needs to be is good for ilya. to be ilya's. this whole series is incredible AND it makes me horny. god. fuck. read it.
carpe diem, libera noctem explicit, 10k, complete. a past friend of shane's kills himself. he visits ilya in response. tuna melt alternate universe, a really interesting character development, and overall great read.
effleurage mature, 11k, oneshot. ilya gives shane massages. love love love their relationship. they're silly together!!!! pen is an absolute master at their craft (silly in love hollanov) and i encourage you to read all their stuff. especially Shallergies.
performance enhancing strategies mature, 5k, oneshot. shane comes out to the metros about his relationship. with a powerpoint. really fun.
bright light city teen, 8k, oneshot. they fuck up and get married in vegas. turns out, it's a little more complicated than that. a very interesting take on the trope!!
hot, hot, sweat, sweet explicit, 3k, oneshot. fever sex. i just think it's hot when they have sex while they're sick. sweat kink and dacryphilia.
what does this room look like explicit, 14k, oneshot. shane wants to try intox. rape roleplay, drunk sex, and a whole lot of fun.
just let me in your armsĀ explicit, 6k, oneshot. shane sleeps over and wears a t-shirt that ilya has some memories of. not the ones you probably think, though. genuinely so cute and also made me laugh a lot.
find your way back home unrated, 112k, complete. they used to spend all their time together, back when ilya trained in canada with shane as teens. they lose and find each other again. i LOVE a good childhood friends story, and this one has some really lovely friendship and romantic dynamics. (and yes, i left the longest for last)
and the links to parts one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine ten eleven and twelve