Carrying On

—Adventures in transition— -The personal side of life-

[my-wayward-son]

How to know you are a boy:

I went to the dermatologist at 10AM, and I had 5 ablations.

It’s currently 2:30PM, and I just now went and looked in the mirror to see if I have burn marks on my face.

Stereotype? Yes. Still funny? I think so. :)

[my-wayward-son]

Life hacks for people #1

If you’re heading out to a bar or party or anywhere you expect to get trashed, send a text to the designated driver or a safe sober person. Ask them to please not text back. Right after that, send a text to yourself. If you and the safe person are the top two numbers in your messenger conversation list, your drunk texts will likely to stay contained for maximum embarrassment protection.

[my-wayward-son]

Trans truths #13 toss your trash discreetly

(Did I used to call these tips? I can’t remember my own words. Help me out, would ya?)

This is for folks who are comfortable using the men’s restroom in public, yet experience unfortunate cyclic bleeding in unfortunate private places. I will not say the word. I will also refrain from using anatomical language. HOWEVER I do have to talk supplies, articles of clothing, and bathroom etiquette. We good?

Background: Most stalls in a male-gendered bathroom stalls do not have a little silver trash box hanging on the wall. Times are a changin’ (even if the government’s gone to shit), and more and more locations are upgrading their facilities to support the changing population need. ALSO tampons are really for clogging drains, just like “flushable” wipes, and, of course, pads.

Call this a procedural guide to discretely dispose of used items and packaging in a men’s restroom.

It takes a little forethought and packing (no, the other kind of packing. Like you put stuff in your backpack for school.) :)

You will need:

your pads/tampons of choice

A few small ziplock bags (the 1/2 sandwich size? The really little ones?)

A few alcohol or handwashing wipes

Optional: a pocket pack of tissues (usually the regular toilet paper works just fine)

Wear something with pockets. It is totally fine to pack different items in different pockets. If you’re at school or work, putting on a jacket before you use the bathroom gives extra pockets. You MUST put all your items in your pockets before hitting the bathroom. If you’re out and about, by all means, take your computer bag, waist pack, carry-on suitcase, etc.,or whatever you usually carry into the bathroom.

Procedure:

You’re in the bathroom stall. Do your business first and use toilet paper and toss it in the toilet, but wait to flush.

Clean your hands with a wipe.

Open your little bag, line it with a few layers of toilet paper or tissues.

Flush the toilet immediately before removing your protection. If you use something makes a sound when it peels off your underwear, the flush sound will cover the peeling.

Keep ahold of the bag, and remove your used protection, and drop it in the bag. If the TP in the bag saturates, add some more, but don’t sweat it.

Unwrap and apply fresh protection. If that makes a sound, just flush the toilet again.

Put the refuse/packaging in your zippy bag and zip it tightly. If you can’t hold onto it while you get dressed, put it between your shoes. Trust me, no one cares in the mens’.

Pretend to cough or sneeze. Pull out some more toilet paper and cough again or blown your nose. Wrap that TP around the outside of your bag.

Leave the stall. Throw away your “tissues” in the regular bin.

Wash your hands at the sink with soap and dry them. Look at your hands, not in the mirror. Toss your towel in the regular trash and be on your way.

This is rare, but if someone makes eye contact with you or says “hi” or something, give a tiny smile or shoulder nod and move on past. (As I’ve said before, people are dicks who believe they have the right to know and infer everything about you from a single glance. Sometimes people assume a person using a stall is either quite young—which, well, a lot of transguys look young—or they think you have a disability. They probably think they’re being politely social, but it’s a douchy thing to do.)

[my-wayward-son]

Trans truths #12

You need about 4 times more Rogaine shampoo than you do regular shampoo.

[my-wayward-son]

This is my opinion, so don’t hate me for it, but considering the Charlie Kirk shooting and his statement regarding collateral damage from upholding the 2nd amendment:

A perfect fulfillment of the principle that one shouldn’t impose things on others unless they’re willing to do it themselves.

[my-wayward-son]

(Laur gets smarter when he listens to NPR)

So, the IRA stuff, the DEI, the inclusive/exclusive bullshit, the on-campus monitors…

Professor Umbridge, anyone? Didn’t we decide she was the actual most evil character in the Harry Potter series? All those Educational Decrees? A High Inquisitor feeding all the rumors to the ministry? Yeah? Remember when we all learned about that when we were 12?

[my-wayward-son]

Trans truths #11: logos and outward masculinity

The logo of a sportswear or an outdoors lifestyle brand promotes your pass, regardless of the item.

Adidas pants ✅

Nike backpack ✅

Puma shoes ✅

Eddie Baur t-shirt ✅

Other branded clothing is great (I’m over 30 and love me some Hollister), and some particular companies have exceptional pieces to fit changing bodies. There’s one issue, though: the styles and cuts of clothes at the moment are either highly feminized or loose and neutral.

OBVIOUSLY neutral is awesome and a big step forward for our society. However, when people observe others with the relaxed shirt and baggy jeans, they are more likely to check you out for other cues defining your gender.

People (and particularly cis heterosexual people of a certain age, if you get my drift) are nosy little assholes who feel they have the right to categorize and subsequently judge you based on a 1/100th of a second glance.

You don’t deserve this. Our community doesn’t deserve this. I’m so sorry. I’m sorry people are stubborn and closed minded. I’m sorry the political climate is purposefully marginalizing us.

I probably seem like a binary-pushing dickwad for writing up this stuff. I know what it looks like, and I own that language.

What I’m trying to do, at its root, is to proliferate techniques of espionage. You know, Alan Turing and code breaking. The Underground Railroad. One if by land or two if by sea. War is fucking eternal, and you better get it before it gets you.

[my-wayward-son]

What is it with kids’ lullabies? Especially the traditional songs. They’re all so negative; I can’t stand them.

Let’s drop the baby out of a tree, why don’t we? So we put the cradle up in the branches and wait for a windstorm to take down a tree limb and splat the baby on the front lawn, cradle and all? Ick! It’s like a dead baby joke.

And the other one; the one about consumerism? Where people can buy random animals and shit and gift it to this incredibly rude and greedy baby who hates everything? Mocking bird not good enough? Here’s a diamond ring. Oh, how about a mirror? Whoops, now we have broken glass everywhere. I’ll just put some more cash out there and procure another animal for un-pleasure. Jesus. Fuck. I hate it.

I do know these are old songs with probably obscure and neutral meanings. I could look them up. But I just… I can’t stand them. They honestly make me want to cry and feel horrible inside.

[my-wayward-son]

I think the global retort to red-hatters spouting queer misinformation should be a soft, whispered, “Andy, that’s not true.”

[my-wayward-son]

For once my medical equipment puts me at a slight advantage. I have an indwelling Foley catheter (a ~ 10 inch flexible silicone tube with one end inserted into the urethra and the other able to open and close to allow urine to drain). It allows me to use the toilet standing up. I can also use a urinal, though I’m quite selective about where I feel comfortable doing that.

In my limited experience, I’ve noticed that the area where the flush is located has a small wrap-around metal strip (which I assume is part of the structure to secure it to the wall and connect the plumbing, but idk anything about toilets). The strip is maybe 1 or 2 inches long, and it’s convex (like those round curved mirrors at Walmart to help you see around corners so you don’t bash into stuff). The strip is usually shiny enough to serve as a mirror, thus allowing you to see behind you while you’re using the urinal.

If that adds stress, I apologize. However, I find it comforting to see that everyone who comes in pays zero attention to me and what I’m doing.

As far as I know, caths can be purchased over the counter, so if you want to try that option, you probably can quite easily. Self-cathing does require use of a mirror to assess what’s down there and find your urethral opening, so I apologize for that as well if it’s triggering. I just want to relay my experience and put that option out there for you guys.

[my-wayward-son]

If you take the queer out of stonewall, all that’s left is police brutality over a misdemeanor.

[my-wayward-son]

“…a Trump executive order Wednesday intended to ban transgender athletes from participating in girls’ and women’s sports.”(Source - Stars and Stripes)

So trans men are good, right? No worries?

[my-wayward-son]

Disclaimer: this is neither an excuse nor an instruction manual. Cheating on one’s partner(s) probably shouldn’t happen without some discussion first. I think that’s selfish and harmful to mental health.

So, monogamy. It’s great. If partners are well matched, it can foster great teamwork. Nice environment for kids. Rather expected in western countries. Weddings are fun. So are family trees. But, in the end, monogamy is a social construct. There are many different attitudes toward marriage and partnership throughout time and across the globe. Many traditions. None of them are wrong.

Getting laid, though? The urge to copulate? That’s an instinct. Humans are animals, and animals have urges to reproduce. How did the last common ancestor evolve into a modern homo sapien? Sex. It was sex. Sex feels good, so (a lot of) people are driven to have it. There’s nothing wrong with that either. Promiscuity isn’t necessarily wrong. Social constructs can constrain acting on an instinct, but it can’t erase its existence.

So, in summary, sex is an instinct. Monogamy is a social construct. Satiation of sexual urges is normal behavior of the human animal. That’s ok. There are many ways to forge relationships between/among sexual partners; monogamy is just one option. That’s also ok. Don’t be ashamed to follow your what’s in your DNA— those helixes in your genome encourage social grace and communication too. :)

[my-wayward-son]

Trans Congresswoman Sarah McBride hilariously discredits Trump's gender policy with simple science

According to the Trump administration's new policy "everyone a woman" now.

Hello, hello, is anyone home? It’s 9th grade biology! Remember this? Remember me? Or 7th grade sex ed? 12th grade health science? You know this. We all learned this. It’s so important that this country’s k-12 public school system taught it to us before they let us go off to college!

[my-wayward-son]

Problem solved #1

Airport boarding and deplaning is currently set up in a front-to-back manner; those with seats at the front board first, and those with seats at the back board last.

When boarding, the experience is super awkward and generally chaotic, as it involves squeezing down the aisle between very uncomfortable people already seated in the front whilst on the way to a seat at the back.

Deplaning, though frustrating and anxiety provoking for all involved, goes much more smoothly, as the passengers in front exit first and those in the back exit last, so the issue of infringement in personal space is reduced.

My proposal is to use the reverse of the deplaning method as the boarding method. It makes so much more sense to me if those with seats at the back of the plane board first, and those at the front board last. Then nobody’s butt is on anyone’s tray table fewer people get elbowed in the knee.

See? Simple solution. Airline management, take note.

[my-wayward-son]

I know I haven’t posted much on this blog lately. I’ll get back to the trans tips, but I want to bring this space back around to content my life and my thoughts. Sometimes happy. Sometimes frustrating. Sometimes funny. Always random. :)

[my-wayward-son]

Things I have explained to my dad

He was born in the last year of the boomer cohort, and he’s on the spectrum like me. Set in his ways he may be, but sometimes the general knowledge gap is…impressive.

The Mentalist and Sherlock (BBC) are not the same show.

There is a fee to take the credit exam for high school AP classes.

The police are not responsible for the number of traffic lights on a given road. The number of traffic lights is also not the sole cause of road rage.

Taking offense to Christopher Plummer’s line in a movie is not a personal attack by the actor (especially because he won an Oscar for his role). If you need to have a beef with someone, have a beef with the screenwriter.

When a person of color uses a word like “challenge” or “struggle” in a TV interview, your white supremacist eye rolling is beyond uncalled for. Especially when the interviewee in question is talking about training for the US Olympic water polo team.

Similarly, not participating in the activities of the KKK does not absolve you of being a racist asshole.

White eggs and brown eggs are the same inside.

You don’t get a pass on deadnaming because you don’t want to make the effort to change a 24-year habit. You also cannot call a trans person by the initials of their previous name, especially when the person’s best friend goes by the same initials.

Frozen vegetables in a microwaveable package do not require boiling in a pot on the stove.

Angel hair pasta is not the same thing as spaghetti.

It is very obvious when a polo shirt has become sun-bleached. When the inside of the collar has a distinctive color line, maybe that’s a clue to refresh the wardrobe.

You can clip your nails in the house. Going out to the back porch is not required, especially in extreme weather conditions.

When your child has been driving for over 7 years, said child giving you a ride is not a “driving lesson.”

Animal House is not a funny, lighthearted movie about frat brothers. It’s kind of violent and disgusting (there are extreme references to actual animal abuse).

Norwegian Wood is both a Beatles song and the title of a book. Declaring that it’s your least favorite Beatles song is not a great interjection when people (who are not talking to you) are discussing the book. (BTW, the book is a beautifully written piece of literature, but it is a huge mental health trigger fest).