hell, if i know

18+ // 20s // she/her

[analogdelight]

My first egg cracked in 2016. I came out as agender. changed my name to Andi and my pronouns to they/them, started wearing dresses/skirts/crop tops, and dyed my hair all sorts of funky colors. I was starting to be happier with myself in a way I'd never really been as a boy. No one. Not one single person, in real life or on the internet, ever made it seem like being a woman was an option for me. Everything pointed in the opposite direction.

[analogdelight]

I watched the election cycle that year with dread. I watched the vote totals come in at bar with some friends after my teaching gig for the night was over. We drank in silence and in misery. I cried in my truck on the way home, knowing that life was just going to get harder for people like me. I still couldn't call myself transgender. I didn't think that word was for me.

[analogdelight]

I read Tranny by Laura Jane Grace. I really identified with parts of it, but her story as a punk rocker and an addict was so dissimilar to mine that I didn't think I could be a woman, didn't think I would ever be allowed to call myself that.

[analogdelight]

I drank and smoked myself almost to the point of death over the next two years. I was working nearly 100hrs a week between bartending and teaching, and was semi-regularly driving the few blocks home from the bar slightly drunk. Not intentionally, but y'know. If something happened and my life ended? No big deal. Every relationship in my life crumbled around me. It wasn't until I hit rock FUCKING bottom that I thought to myself "what if I'm a woman?"

[analogdelight]

If anyone had told me, even once, that maybe I was a trans woman. Maybe estrogen could help. Maybe transition might make me happier. Maybe I wouldn't have been driving a 2005 F-150 with almost 200k miles on it 90mph an hour and a half to sleep with a girl who hadn't loved me in years. Maybe I wouldn't have buried myself in half a bottle of whiskey every night after work. Maybe I would've never started smoking. Maybe I'd still have any of the friends I made before the pandemic. Maybe I Wouldn't Have Been So Fucking Miserable.

[analogdelight]

So yeah. Forcefem today. Forcefem tomorrow. Forcefem every day forever until not a single girl has to go through what I did, or worse.

[cryptotheism]

There is a lake (nasty) where socrates (nasty) does his stupid magic

[small-bambi]

Harrison Wood Hsiang

[finalfantasyvii]

[cryptotheism]

[smoqueen-deactivated20251108]

christmas every day

[cryptotheism]

it is okay to reblog this now

[cryptotheism]

Hey. Christmas every day okay?

[should-be-sleeping]

In fifth grade a boy tried to impress me by swallowing a whole tadpole live and I punched him so hard that he puked and the tadpole was fine.

[should-be-sleeping]

I kept it in a terrarium and it became a normal 🐸 despite everything. About a year afterward (I thought) it died, so I sadly put it in a shoebox in the shed until the ground thawed enough for a proper funeral but when that day came I opened the box and the frog was fine.

[justprettygay]

[should-be-sleeping]

This is funnier than anything I have ever said.

[should-be-sleeping]

This post is to Easter what a Geiger counter is to radiation.

[peepuddle-deactivated20230124]

[segamascott]

[molqr]

lets be carried by mama

[augvian56]

i think there’s actually nothing better than being randomly told “I love you” after doing something characteristically stupid. Like what do you mean I’m a lovable person and I just did something silly and you thought “of course you would do that. I love you.”. No better feeling

[tlirsgender]

Got bootlace code and hanky code confused for a second & tried to remember what yellow laces mean & thought to myself "piss? No"

[tlirsgender]

What has absolutely no precedent though is that my second thought was "killed a taxi driver"

[aplpaca]

that one thing about blue jays being the one funky colorful guy in a family of goths is fake actually. theres a lot of blue corvids esp in north america. even some of the gothy ones have blue bc corvids just fucking love being blue.

[aplpaca]

Blue Jay, Stellar's Jay, Pinyon Jay

Florida Scrub Jay, California Scrub Jay, Woodhouse's Scrub Jay

Mexican Jay, Black-billed Magpie, Dwarf Jay

Sri Lankan Blue Magpie, Eurasian Jay, Taiwan Magpie

Unicolored Jay, Black-throated Magpie Jay, Turquoise Jay

Beautiful Jay, Azure-hooded Jay, Black-throated Jay

this is nowhere near all of them. Corvids love being blue

[sharktunnel]

They really do

[hawkpartys]

White Throated Magpie-Jay, Azure Winged Magpie, Red Billed Blue Magpie

[titimylove]

corvids just love being blue

[important-animal-images]

[freakslut420]

lets take shelter under mama

[realfootage]

[jackalopescruff]

im genuinely going to have to probably make a proper like gofundme or something for moving expenses because no way can i make enough in less than 4 months to cover costs of moving as well as a down payment on a new place all while already beating back debt that's breathing down my neck ugh

[jackalopescruff]

in the meantime while I figure out everything we are gonna have to do to get out of here to somewhere better, we still have bills to handle and debts (like my taxes that i still owe plus what i just filed) to cover plus anything we get can be saved towards the move. Ill eventually make a proper post but yeah

my venmo is @ LKarnstein

Support jackalopescruff ❤️

Support jackalopescruff

[jackalopescruff]

they took the taxes out i owed to the state and so yeah i really really need the help please

[jackalopescruff]

if it isnt obvious we cannot eat if we dont get donations so seriously please even a couple dollars helps my venmo and kofi are both listed i need help desperately im searching for a second job to try and make more money but i work fulltime as it is i just need help please

[feluka]

Anas has gastric cancer.

Anas (@dr-anas96) is severely suicidal and is dying on the inside in every sense of the word. Mentally he feels his life is over, and physically he's barely moving anymore, only occasionally coming to consciousness and vomiting blood.

I'm begging you from the bottom of my heart not to let my friend die. This entire time, during this genocide he's living through, he's been:

Supporting his elderly parents find shelter through the collapse of their tent.

Supporting the children of Gaza by cheering them up through drawing and acting and other activities, as well as teaching them survival skills.

Corresponding and reinforcing solidarity with the LGBTQ+ community, and the Black community.

Being an invaluable friend to many, including me.

Now, with some reprieve for Gazans seemingly so close, he is dying. I don't use this word lightly because I don't want to believe my dear friend is dying. I am only saying it because I have no escape from believing it

But I still have hope that we can carry him through this so he can see the end of this difficult road. I am not giving up on him and I'm begging, begging, begging, begging you all not to give up either. We're so close.

His blog || His GFM || Vetting Link

[feluka]

I didn't want to share some of the more graphic photos Anas sent me, but his campaign goes days without donations, and he insisted I share these photos. CW for blood under the cut.

[paper-mario-wiki]

white t girl i love you. and also do not forget that you are not the modern martyr for the oppressed voice. that's still black girls. it's always been black girls. stories of black martyrdom simply don't make it into the news cycle until the unrest caused by its reporting can be packaged as a "riot" segment between traffic reports. i know you suffer, but whatever you're experiencing, i beg you, when interacting with your community and building nuanced understandings of each other and the system which binds us, to not forget that a black tgirl has felt it 100 times worse before positioning yourself as an authority on all systems of oppression for having suffered unjustly at all. because you have suffered unjustly, but suffering unjustly as a white person means something so much different.

[paper-mario-wiki]

serenely reblogging this once more after deleting responses from white people saying "talking about this is actually unhelpful because im oppressed too" yeah i know. i wrote that down in the post i made, and i also wrote down why remembering the difference is important. did you read it?

there is no malice in my reminder. no "you need to do better", just a reminder. do not read it as such. i didn't write it as such.

[paper-mario-wiki]

again. i did not say you were not oppressed. this post is literally about how you are oppressed. it is a reminder that you are not the most oppressed person in the world, a way i've seen a lot of white transfems acting lately. maybe not even necessarily in a detrimental way, but in a way that definitely leans towards the "white is default" lane of thinking, which erases black suffering, which erases progress towards black safety. this, to me, is troubling, which is why i made this post. it's important when building solidarity within our community to understand who the most vulnerable of us are, because the safety of the most vulnerable of us will ultimately be the safety of all of us.

please do not be offended when you are reminded that your skin is white. im not calling you evil. im asking you to remain aware of yourself.

[storyweavingspider]

Oh hey I wrote a small essay on exactly this back when I was still being kind and calmly explaining things to yakubian devils

Suffering In Whiteness/Race and Further Marginalizations - Anons.ee

Share via: Facebook X (Twitter) LinkedIn More Something that white folks with one or more […]

[paper-mario-wiki]

wow, look at that, a black trans woman saying the exact thing i said, except she said it a year ago and it didnt get as much traction.

"weird! i wonder why!" she exclaimed, whitely.

please read it. it's not long.