EXPECTATIONS
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@myheartbeatskids
Eriica Enders of the NHRA once said at the age of four, "I always think of Angie (Smith) as "The Evangelica" (when talking about super heroes) although not in a super hero way, she's my personal salvation because she proves to me The Bible is Real. That Love Really Does Exist"
(At age four she spelled her name with two eyes)
Dickie said "shut up, you ain't marrying her and I ain't either. Let me (finish) selfishly read this" and he wiped a tear from his eye "this is my family, too, and I never knew what my family been through" And he turned his back on Matt Hagan and he went inside, so he could cry without an audience and can learn about the strongest, most winning, most brave and hard working people he's ever known.
They refused money for food, they thought it came from Snoop, not the Agency.
So Snoop bought them food and water anyway and always told them "you go, you get more"
Snoop spent about $60 on them when they could got $100 every week.
"You saved us from Human Trafficking, we don't want anything else"
Snoop was bugged. Frustrated.
One day I said. "Snoop. You know what they want? They want you to call the cops on them"
"You know what? Sabrina. Shut up. .... You know what? What else? NO!! WHY WOULD I DO THAT? STOP ME WITH YOUR SHIT!"
"Well snoop, I saw me two vacant buildings out there when I was out snooping around. We call Jess. We PAY THEM to fix it up as apartments. They ain't no betters, see? Then we call the cops on them and FORCE them to live in them. Call them our runaway children or something. Or do a cops blogger where we let them in our little secret. See? Tricks trick."
Snoop put his hand on mine. His giant African American hand on my tiny white lady hand. I thought How different we held a hammer. His hand so big and mine so small. I thought How he was a foot and a half taller nearly it seemed and how tallest work would be easiest for him. Then I realized. I was handicapped. I couldn't work under those types of conditions. I could barely stand. The pain was insufferable.
I jerked my hand from under his. I didn't mean to. It was just.... I wasn't all woman I wanted to be.
And I had anger and disappointment on my face and tears in my eyes.
He peeked at me while his face was still down praying.
And I said "snoop I can't work. I feel like a fraud. I tell these kids all day long they can be anything in the world. And yet I fan barely stand. Walk. And I know hitting a hammer and throwing a ball fan put me in pain for days. How can I keep telling these kids they can win?!" I slammed my hands on the table,
He looked at me with all the hate in the world And growled "YOU JUST DO"
And He swiftly got up and wrapped his giant long arms around me. Andi sobbed for what seemed like hours. Then I sat down.
"So what are we gonna do about these homes?" I looked up his tall frame.
"We're gonna call Jess. Were gonna call payroll and get all them kids on and then we gonna call the cops and make them move in" he smiled at me as if he didn't know my misery.... But he was a bad hider of emotions. Not only did he know it. He felt it, too.
"Ah snoop!!" And I laid my head on his shoulder. And smiled. I sat up "okay! Now we got to get the little kids hammers and DESTROY all the hard work they do!"
He laughed.
"Just the plastic ones -- at first. Then we tell them the kids went all at it after we gave them the day off with pay -- just to be generous. How the little ones escaped me and tore into the sheds and destroyed all their hard work with hammering.... THEN! We will see if they will forgive them and actually teach them a little something with tools that they could use in the future. It could be an adventure!"
"Oh Miss Pippi (Longstocking) only you. Done!"
"Okay then cool. So then it could be (plus) a half day off while they assess the damage"
"With plastic hammers"
"To teach them the rights of belongings. How its unfair and bad luck to undo anyone's hard work. Then we tell them we have to with hold their lunch. And while the older ones eat then we make them sit and watch. Telling them they csn only have crumbs. Cause I tell you snoop. I've never seen a crumb drop on my carpet. They eat CLEAN. THEN they get ice cream and cake. The older ones do. But then we feed the babes. Of course! We always do!"
Spoiler: the kids threw down harder about me saying they could beat anything they wanted with the hammers unless Jesse said not to -- mostly omitting the Jesse part and they had a right to destroy shit that wasn't theirs. Than about not eating. Because they been yelled at unfairly and were gonna hijack the Candy Shack and were making plans. Which they did anyway.
Morale of the Story: the whole education turned inside out. The older kids, The Hobos, learned it was okay to take what they needed.
And Jesse tattled on us about us calling the cops. Well, I was concerned some might run so he asked those that might to stay late. He asked their feelings about cops and their reactions in passing. And funningly, some ran like Hell when the others were escorted in.
(Jason Line, the first one out, faster than the devil himself and the last one in)
Another time we called the cops just to See what they would do and we had to get a search party to find Jason Line.
They were grateful for what little they had. Not only not expecting more, but also turning it down.
Going hungry.
Their histories no one knows.
Their secrets kept for decades.
They weren't homeless. They were simply houseless.
"Oh please tell me its you. No? Then Victor? Then its gotta be.... Gotta be..."
"A girl with amnesia?!" falls upon his ears many times
A girl with Amnesia, can speak duck, aerodynamics, bear, understand the weight of shoes compared to only the weight of shoelaces.
Its much complex than love.
"Does the weight of your shoelaces have anything to do with the girl hiding by the trash barrels?"
"Oh no. That's not trash, that's metal and very valuable. So is the girl"
When I went to approach her, friendly as usual, she ran.
"Uh is she okay?"
"She's sort of homeless"
"What size does she wear in clothes?"
'Uhh 2 I already kinda sorta asked her in case I could get some money. This morning it was in the shade. But not now. /at the metal buckets\ she said at night it gets cold so she probably sorta didn't mind getting warm. I didnt want to bother her. And hey please don't bother her. Its alright. Sometimes at night I stay with her. Sometimes not. If she asks I do. Please! Its alright? Shes been there awhile, a month or two. She doesn't have much clothes that's why she's dirty. And for the bathroom I got a pot. I clean it in the kitchen before school but I dump it in the toilet first. You do not look mad. Are You alright? You look sort of sad. I thought you would be mad"
"You can wake her up before school starts?"
"Uh what?"
"Lets go shop"
"No I don't want to. You two go on ahead. You and Erica"
"You dont know what I mean do you?" I touched his arm "there are two mats in the school. They are to stay in the school. And you don't need no pot. Just make sure the two of you are up and out before school starts. Where do you usually sleep?"
"In the alley with the boys. We ain't got no house"
"I'll talk to Snoop. We will get you one. Until then,in the school. The whole lot of you. Her too."
"No I don't wanna. But the others they may might"
Later that night after Shawntae took me to the store we snuck to the back of the building and I walked to the end of the barrels and quietly laid down a set of brand new clothes. Short jean shorts and a crop tank, a better style, more upgraded. Chains and embroidery on them.
I woke her just by her feeling my presence. "Hers just one suit. Ill bring you some more tomorrow, okay? Its okay you should go to sleep"
"Huh? I dont want none!" She flung the clothes away down the sidewalk away from us.
"You will. I will bring more. You will wear."
"Huh? Why did your accent change? All of a sudden you sound Spanish. Don't take me to Mexico okay?!?! I just want to sleep with my boyfriend and he ain't here!"
I went to Shawntae and got the sweat pants and sweat shirt in heather gray we got her and laid it on the barrels. She stood up, looked at them. Put on the pants and threw everything else. "Pants that's what I want!!"
"Okay good. Ill bring you some more"
Every night I took a next day outfit and a pajama pants set.
Never did she change her day time clothes. So after a a week I went to ger boyfriend and i told him "tell her to change her daytime clothes or I'll beat her"
"She said she don't wanna. Wait. Those are for daytime?"
"Or I'll beat her"
I saw him round the corner.
About an hour later he came around holding her, carrying her and laughing. She was beating him. Shawntae gasped and grabbed my arm as we watched. He put her down and walked away.
And there she stood in a new shirt.
"She didn't change her pants tho. That girl is a mess" Shawntae said and walked away.
Later that night about 830 I went to the barrels she hid behind and lived behind. "Honey I just want to tell you there's money in those jean shorts. The ones with pockets. So you'd have daytime money so you can go and eat. I put $20 in each pocket. So you got $100 strewn all over the sidewalk. Don't look a gift horse in the mouth alright? Okay see you later!"
"No wait!! I wanna see!!"
I waited as she dug through the pockets.
"Oh my god! Thank you so much!!" She jumped up and gave me a hug. I stopped her from running away from me by holding her waist and looked into her eyes. Then I kissed her cheek and let go of her.
A tear streamed down her face
"But you're not my mom" she refused to move from me.
"But that is okay. I am here to take care of you while I am. There is more to come" I turned to walk away.
"But wait! I can sleep in the school instead of here?!"
"Yes. But if you want to"
"But can I tonight?"
"Being its Saturday you'll not have to be out in the morning until Monday"
"Can y'all help me get my stuff?! There's almost too much!"
We walked to the school. Her boyfriend and her and I. Arms loaded with clothes and more. I helped her fold in the school and emptied shelves for her to put her things.
Later that night i felt something unexpected in the air. Uplifting. Like a party. Only slightly worried she'd gone out of control i walked up to the school, the long way in the dark shadows so i wouldn't be spotted. As if I was out for a nightly jog.
At the school door i stopped short, completely stunned. All of the boys from the alley were moving desks and putting down things they had carried in, blankets and pallets.
Far more boys than I realized hadn't had homes. Teary eyed I walked to the big window and stood there touching the ledge. Talking and smiling. With their few precious possessions.
I realized they probably hadn't eaten far enough or well in Between.
I ran in a flurry down to the candy shack and opened the till. Far plenty i assumed. Over $200.
I called and ordered Dominos pizza "how much can I get for $250 in total for everything, tax included?"
"Just pepperoni?"
"A mix"
"Well a one topping. Lets see here, I'm the manager, are you throwing a party?"
"Feeding the homeless"
"Oh! Okay! Its kinda late for that isn't it?"
"Well they are about to go to bed but they are hungry"
"Ill throw you in an extra. 40 pizzas for $200 flat fee, delivery included. One topping each"
"Oh I dont know if that will be too many... That... That will be perfect. Absolutely. Thank you!!"
I was so excited i hung up without giving the address. But called back almost immediately.
Then I sat and waited and paced in various points near the gate so i could pay and hide and watch their faces from the window.
I stood at the corner. And heard "but we don't have any money!!"
"Its already been paid!! Here to help feed the hungry and helpless homeless!!"
She had to make several trips, the manager delivered herself, and i hid in a crevice on the side of the building so they wouldn't see it was me. I definitely did not want pizza thrown at me or down the sidewalk.
I knew they had pride. But i also knew what it felt like to have a full belly after being out on the streets night after night. They didn't know me. They saw a fancy girl in heels teaching the little ones.
They didn't know me in Kosovo, killing a man over a burger that I didn't even eat the meat from because it was half raw because i was starved and hadn't been able to find food.
They didn't know me in Russia, frost bitten feet and hands, no shoes and no coat, willing to steal anything to keep me warm until I got pulled off the street by Matt who had all the things i needed and i cried plenty because I was so relieved.
Oddly I was less scared to murder and steal than go in a shop and steal from a person i left living whom could have me arrested.
I knew what it was like to be hungry.
Starving.
And I wouldn't put them to shame and let them think they were anything other than the brave men I always had believed they were.
I counted the pizzas and knew they were all in and i stood at the window again. A few went out to fetch more.
"Oh Sabrina! Why are you here? Did you do this??"
"Oh i just heard someone coming up the walk..." And shrugged.
That pizza delivery lady blew my cover and handed me $10 and said "i didn't deserve $20 they did all the work"
"Oh okay"
"Hey.. Do you want to come in and eat with us? I mean its just us hobos"
I nodded "I would like to very much" us hobos. What they didn't know, was i, the fancy super smart teacher, was one too.
Someone else asked what the $10 was for. I said "a prize for who carried in the most"
"Oh shit, we didn't keep count"
"That's okay ill put it here and may be you can draw for it? Play a game? Or another competition"
They left that $10 on my chalkboard for the week....
So two weeks passed. On Friday i left $200 on my desk with a note that said "$200 for 40 pizzas. Ask the lady manager at dominos for the hobo special" the week before. But it was still there on Monday
So i told the kids and Steven said "just throw it around the room and make them find it"
"and get rid of that $10 on the board! Its annoying!"
So we did us it that. Taped the original post it note on the board and then wrote "split the change evenly amongst you"
The kids wrote various other things. Messages to the mysterious hobos I wouldn't tell them the identity of. Although they knew who they were. They saw them every single day. And never knew. Just like me.
"I think I love you hobos" was my most favorite of all.
Learn what a bully is
Let momma teach you how to beat him in as many ways as possible.
Love you.
🥺🥺🥺
One time Suga Momma came over to help me with Erica and a girl thing
And it was the normal bath time and day so Steven Torrence asked if he could have his bath, he knew it was bath time because he didn't like a show Erica did so he went for his hour long bath and Erica went after and we all knew to use the potty before his favorite show was over.
He loved to watch "Dallas"
So he asked and usually i would start his bath when iy was the last commercial. Before the credits and then Erica would check on him for her first commercial so i could get a snack for her then I would check on him after two more, usually i checked after i gave her her snack and gave him one. Of course he would throw apple cores in the toiilet...
Then her next to last commercial i let him know it was almost time to get out, then Erica did, she would turn the light off then on real fast to let him know it was the last commercial time.
Because he put his ears under water to ignore Erica or me when it was time to get out, so he tried this "my eyes were closed" bit but Erica would leave the light off till he yelled.
So one time she did and he closed the shower curtain and so she left the light on "mom said its time!!"
So we walked in and he was all dancing like Tom Cruise all like "i won! I won!"
So... If he didn't get out then the next time he didn't get a snack in the tub, Erica did. So she got two diff snacks cause i would make her crackers and cheese then a fruit for her bath and a choice for him of which he wanted for his one snack.
So once he found out he said they both wanted two and she said "if you get out" so she began getting fruit for him during his bath and i would make popcorn or crackers and peanut butter for her bath and he would have his in front of a video he always rewound for Erica.
She watched Dougie Howser but would watch the news after Dallas and so on Dougie nights Steven watched the News.
10 o'clock news but they had school late. So mid night was their bedtime. Usually about 11:15 or 1130 they would both be out. Steven sometimes 1145.. Rarely midnight.
School was at noon until 730 pm with an hour and half lunch and recess combo and then 2 hours free time and 4 different subjects, math, hand writing, English which was reading and grammer for spelling and sentence structure which included hand writing practice during writing their own story on a prompt.
So one night Steven asked for his bath as the TV on a rooftop antenna dictated the time -- they had two clocks one digital and one with hands to learn the times
And yes they pranked each other changing the times -- "mom is very upset you took too long in the bath" steven would say with his hands on hips
"That says AM! I know I did not!"
"Shes doing good mom. We're learning to tell time on our own like she told us to Erica"
They learned quickly to only mess with my clock on Saturday or Sunday after having to wake up at 7 am and get dressed for school, twice. And They were so sleepy they forgot! Or didn't want to tell.
So this time we were helping Erica and Steven asked and said "yeah but you know what, this time why don't you wear your panties? Inside the tub with the water because we have guests. In case they want to check on you"
So he came out, of his tub after he was done and we helped Erica with her girl stuff and he came out all proud "i dont usually wear underroos in the bath, but when i do, Snoop Dogg watches!"
The funny wasn't lost on anyone but him. "What? What i do? I was in the tub and wore my panties like she asked and Snoop sat on the toilet and watched"
So then we had to try to interrogate him to make sure he knew what to say if he told a random stranger and he says "what? Are you lost? He was sitting right there and we had the door open. Gosh! What's wrong with you!? I got to get dressed. Did you see me? I shake my head at you!"
Later we found out he had very "odd" ways of talking about things in the bathroom. Like i would help hin get dressed and he would face away from me and he was very short so he would put his hands on my knees with his elbows bent because he was so short... My knees were higher than his waist so I would help him and he would stand on his hands -- lift his feet off the ground instead of stepping into his clothes or when he did step in, he moved around so he was jostled and he explained it as "boingie boingie"
Cause he would bounce off the walls and my knees and all if I let him.
So he was always just playing as a kid
But it sounded so perverse. Which now is pretty funny and so less scary as a parent.
"I don't always wear my panties in the bath but when I do, Snoop Dogg watches"
Cause he would hang from the shower curtain, drape it around him like he was a lady, wear a shower cap, dance, slip and slide and do all kinds of rambunctious boy things. So he liked to show off his boyhood antics because us girls were like not interested.
We would only check to see if he survived the loud noises he made... Playfighting a pirate that slammed him into the wall or when he ran and tried to jump into the tub and fell on his ass -- multiple times or pouring all the soaps out and scream about singing ij the tub with his scrubbing wand.
We would find spatulas and shovels and all kinds of "his props" once Erica's teddy bear "but i was washing him for you. See? All clean"
With ten pounds of water inside slapped on h we chest in my bed with a wet smack that sent water all over the house!
We had to take him to the school to the dryer for 3 days!
"But when I do, a man that snoops watches"
He says "like my bath time isn't private?! You told me to never talk about it!"
ROBIN HOOD: PRINCE OF THIEVES (1991) dir. Kevin Reynolds
Things my children say
Credit: @pet_foolery
My fellow disabled people whose smiles and facial expressions are affected by their disabilities, whose expressions don’t quite look “normal” to abled people:
Your face and your smile are not less powerful, incredible or lovely just because they don’t match those of abled peoples.
Your emotions are not less real just because abled people can’t read your expressions how they’re used to reading everyone else’s.
You’re still worthy of love and respect, and your face adds happiness to fellow disabled people’s worlds when we see each other.
You are not broken or ugly simply because society does not understand you, nor because your face does not match society’s ideals or expectations.
You are lovely & there is nothing wrong with you.
"And you know Jazmine will resist a rest. No, that's not true, she will take a rest"
O.O "MOMMY!! PLEASE STOP TALKING!" she sits and crosses her arms, "I'm going back emo" she says in a quiet withdrawn voice. "No, not until he apologizes for what he just did" she tells my mommy when she asks "But Jazzy don't you want to just laugh"
Because he told me "put reserved for LLPD" on the baby registry so after I did "So it will be like we're asking!! They don't even have to buy anything!"
And he's literally Rolling On The Floor with Laughter.
So she says "I'm going with my auntie. You need to learn to behave"
And Erica says "don't you want to see what it says?"
And so Jazzy goes "OH! Shut up you two" cause he drives me down this horrible path of laughter with no return.
Cause Jasmine won't nap, she revives by taking to someone. But Windy revives by sleeping.
Friendly reminder bc we are one week away!!!
I let Annabelle wear "fancy dresses" and she would splash in puddles and get paint on them in day care
Day care once told me maybe I should put her in "play clothes"
I said "what? Doesn't she play?"
"Well she had gotten paint on her..."
"Well that's what kids do. If her clothes interfere with her playing that's when you let me know, okay? Because nothing is going to interfere with me and the laundry room. And a stain is a stain. That's just it. It's not going to go away. I'm not gonna try scrubbing till my eye balls fall out and I'm not gonna refuse to put her in it because it has paint or mud. Clothing is like an extra layer of skin and sometimes we tattoo and sometimes we scar. It's ok. I promise"
2015 - Here are some gifs of Donald Trump being attacked by a bald eagle named Uncle Sam, literally the least patriotic thing that can happen to an American. [video]
I’m reblogging this again because I finally realized why this is so funny to me, as a bird person.
In the first gif, what you’re seeing is a man who has zero idea how to handle a bird. That’s a heavy bird, and he’s got his arm stretched out as far as it will go in an attempt to keep the bird away from his face. What that does is create unstable footing for Uncle Sam. The handler is there trying to hold up Trump’s arm, but the bird has already realized it needs to leave or it will fall. In the first gif the bird is not attacking Trump- it is trying to get away from him so it doesn’t get hurt.
In the second gif, what we see is a bird that remembers what just happened and is blaming Trump for it. Uncle Sam sees Trump reach for its tether, and makes a lunge at Trump’s hand to keep him away. The bird /does not/ want to hang out with Trump because it has learned that Trump has no idea what he is doing.
Uncle Sam is rejecting Trump based on Trump’s proven inability to properly handle Uncle Sam. And that is both hilarious and beautiful.
Good bird.
Always reblog Uncle Sam telling Trump to fuck off
This is a better explanation of these gifs than I could have given!
I had to reblog this, for obvious reasons.
A feel-good gif set
i’ve met Uncle Sam multiple times (the man helping trump in the first gif is his owner, and he travels around and gives presentations about birds of prey) and so i always find this super funny when it goes around because:
a) his owner was a bit too eager to tell us about meeting trump, but he also explained another thing that trump did wrong, which is that in the second gif, he approaches Uncle Sam from his blind side. naturally, Uncle Sam was startled and lashed out.
b) trump called him a “very dangerous bird”, but Uncle Sam is a rehabilitated bird who’s blind in one eye and has a bad wing, and he’s regularly included in nature presentations attended by children. i met him as a child. children are allowed to walk up to him as long as they don’t touch him because he’s a chill old bird who’s used to it.
the president of the united states is less respectful to an old harmless bird than a bunch of CHILDREN
Reblogging for the 4th of July
“The axe forgets, but the tree remembers.”
This is a huge thing ESPECIALLY with kids. To the parent, they lashed out when they were mad and forgot about it, expecting the kid to forget too. To the kid? It was a big moment that defined your relationship with your parents. Stuff my parents don’t remember doing or saying were things that to me spoke very, very loudly, that I was not safe to be open and honest with my parents.
The axe forgets, but the tree remembers, indeed.
Also, especially during developmental years, kids are sponges, and survival instincts make us remember the negative stronger than other things.
Today’s wholesome content (x)
