Rainne Cassidy @rainnecassidy - Tumblr Blog

Yeah Mr. Darcy’s proposal was a complete turd and a half but you gotta understand. You got your life together. A good career, stable income, retirement plan, all that shit together. And you meet this girl. And she’s everything. Clever, outspoken, funny, calls you on your bullshit. Grade A cutie, right? And she doesn’t go out of her way to spend time with you but she’s nice, and sometimes you catch her looking your way in a way that makes you think you might have a shot.

But her family. Holy shit.

First off, it’s p much ALL women, and mostly UNMARRIED women, which at this time means of something happens to her dad then you’re financially responsible for like. Four grown ass adults, potentially forever

Because mom in law is DEFINITELY gonna need someone to take care of her when dad in law kicks it, and they have like. NO money. So already you’re accepting that if all goes well, you’re gonna be one random old bag’s retirement home. That’s expensive and exhausting, yeah? Imagine asking someone on a first date knowing that if they say yes and things go good her high-strung chihuahua mother is gonna move in with you. IMAGINE.

And girly’s other sisters. Well, one is a sweetheart, yeah, so she probably won’t be an issue, but that still leaves three more, and two of those ones are INSUFFERABLE. Never went to school, dumb as rocks, spend cash like it’s toilet paper

And while one of the two is young still and might grow out of it the OTHER one is actively torpedo’ing her entire family’s reputation by wandering off with random dudes and chasing ass. She’s never gonna work, she can’t build connections, she’s a fucking sinkhole, and she’s being led on by the same goddamn con man ass leeching tit who’s been bleeding you dry while telling anyone who’ll listen that your family is full of ratty thieving bastards.

And if he dumps her after a week- WHICH YOU KNOW HIS BITCH ASS IS GONNA- you’ve got a SECOND UNMARRIABLE GROWN ASS ADULT TO PROVIDE FOR. And you KNOW she’s gonna be a tantrum-throwing little shit about it, and it’s not like you can lock her in the basement or something, you’re gonna have to bring her fucking. Everywhere. And give her an allowance and shit while she contributes zero, because again, she NEVER GOT EDUCATED AND HAS NO MARKETABLE SKILLS. She’s not even good to TALK to. FUCK

And you’re looking at this girl’s father like “please for the love of fuck get your spawn under control, marry them off, get them working on their résumé, learning to sew or be nursemaids or manage staff or SOMETHING, yall got no money and one foot in the grave” and that old man just laughs like “haha yeah, what can you do. lol”

So you’re looking to the mom and finally it’s making sense how she got that twitch in her eye and as MUCH as she is you’re starting to realize she’s the SMART one, desperately throwing her armloads of girls at random men like they’re a bunch of fucking lifeboats bobbing around a sinking ship, like yes Jesus Christ sweetly that life boat IS old and ugly and kind of boring but for FUCKS SAKE PICK ONE

And you look back at this girl who is ALSO REFUSING THE LIFE BOATS BY THE WAY and god damn it she’s still the most radiant thing you’ve ever seen so fine, fuck it, Christ alive, you’ll do it. You’ll shoot your shot. She’s everything you’ve ever wanted in anybody abut it’s not even just about that anymore, it’s about being her best fucking shot at a future, and even if she doesn’t like you all that much she’s still gonna say yes and that might break your heart a bit knowing it’s about the money but who knows, maybe it will at least be civil, or companionable, and even if she doesn’t LOVE you at least you’ll know she’s well and cared for

And so you’ll do it. You’ll take on the neurotic stress mess mother in law, the absent father, the broke ass wingnut no brain no money no future airhead sisters, the bad mannered relatives and the embarrassing behaviour and the impending future of sharing your entire shit with a clown parade of freeloaders, you’ll risk it all and accept the absolute certainty of financial ruin and emotional exhaustion for the rest of your whole ass life and you’ll make your own family deal with it too, you’ll do it, you’ll fucking DO IT, you stupid lovesick motherfucker

And so you go to this chick like “look. Your whole family’s a shitshow. You’ve got fucking nothing and you’re gonna die on the street. But for some reason- and I don’t get it either- I’ve fallen in love with you, and I wish I didn’t, but I did, so I’m telling you that whether you like me or not, I’ll give you everything. I’ll give you everything even if it’s the dumbest shit I ever done. Fuck my stupid Baka ass, I’ll marry you.”

And she looks at you- having heard or considered absolutely none of your months-long internal debate and monologue- and goes “The fuck did you just say about my family, you son of a bitch?”

And the shock of that is enough to jolt you back into a reality where you are able to actually hear and process what just came out of your damn mouth And yeah

Yeah, I think I kinda get it

gayspagetticat

None of you will be funnier than this I'm sorry

justagirlinacape

Just so we’re all clear:

Things that you SHOULD NOT deadname

Trans women

Trans men

Non binary people

Any other trans identity that doesn’t fit into those three

Cis people who changed their name

Anyone who goes by a different name then the one their parents gave them regardless of how “good” of a person they are, or your personal feeling towards them

Things that you SHOULD deadname

Twitter

writing-in-the-grave

Hey y'all why are writers always cold?

run-remi-run

...why?

writing-in-the-grave

They're always surrounded by drafts!

How many mystery writers does it take to change a lightbulb?

run-remi-run

Oh god.

How many?

writing-in-the-grave

Two! One to change the bulb, and the other to give it an unexpected twist at the end!

What do writers have for breakfast?

run-remi-run

Coffee?

writing-in-the-grave

Synonym buns!

Where do all the struggling writers live?

run-remi-run

How are you coming up with all these?

Where?

writing-in-the-grave

Writer's Block!

What do writers suffer from each spring?

(I've heard a lot of them over the years.)

run-remi-run

Allergies. Next question.

writing-in-the-grave

you were close; A case of allegories

Why are writers always in great shape?

run-remi-run

Circular prose

writing-in-the-grave

Nope! It's because we're always running out of ideas!

Did you hear about the famous writer who turned out to be a fraud?

run-remi-run

I did not

writing-in-the-grave

His life had it's prose and cons...

Why is editing a better job than writing?

run-remi-run

It's more rewording?

writing-in-the-grave

Correct! I am out of jokes. :(

skyinide

afronerdism

This might be the funniest reply I’ve ever seen in my life

thepioden

fozmeadows

I AM WHEEZING

skyinide

PLEASE STOP REBLOGGING THIS OMFG

rainnecassidy

If I ever fail to reblog this, assume I am dead.

thegaylibertarian

liminalweirdo

I am once again begging you to get your hands on physical media and/or save your fave stuff OFFLINE.

christinaroseandrews

Okay, I will preface this with the GIGANTIC disclaimer that I promise I know how this looks, and I *swear* this is not personally motivated:

Hey everyone, it looks like there's some hinky stuff going on with LiveJournal in a way where it might be shutting down relatively soon -- and if not, who knows what will happen to it?

Obviously most of us aren't active users there right now, but a lot of us were active users there at some point, so... if you want to save your blog, this thread includes a few ways on how to do it, as well as a lot more detail on exactly what's going on.

(We also suggest screengrabbing or saving the page of any fics that you care about that are based there, as well as anything else you might have bookmarked.)

Just in general, as a reminder, despite what the old adage is: the internet is not forever. So back up anything you care about!

Note: edited to add screengrabs below the cut in case anyone doesn't want to click on the link.

sailorsally

the thing about captain america the first avenger is that it tries really hard to sell the idea of Bucky being a macho womanizer. Too bad they cast Sebastian Stan, the master of sad longing gazes you'd normally only ever see in eastern european gay porn.

tripleennui

Being an X-Files fan is so funny because Mulder and Scully will be having a fairly normal human interaction but you will be shouting at your screen “OMG THEY’RE IN LOOOOOVE” and you’d be RIGHT

theartofangirling

just because elphaba is gay doesn't mean she's a friend of dorothy. in fact,

basementcherub

The thing about the X-Files is that it's monsters and conspiracies for 43 minutes and then you have that one minute between Scully and Mulder. Maybe it's a scene, maybe it's a gesture, maybe it's a sentence, maybe it's a look, but it's the most devastating, oddly-romantic thing you've ever seen and it leaves you gasping for breath.

aphrostiel

happy pumpkin day!!! 🎃🎃🎃🎃

karrakazz

not sure if this will make sense to anyone besides me but: the antidote to negativity is not positivity, its warmth

karrakazz

positivity tells a sad person that there is no reason to be sad. warmth asks the sad person if they want to go get some ice cream

ares-skittles

Been a moment since I saw this. Glad it’s back on my dash when I needed it.

knightbell

wait, this is freaking eye opening

ivvyela

nothing on this god's green earth can convince me that peter parker doesn't have an ao3 account where he is elbows deep in a 'rise of skywalker' fix-it fic. like, fully invested in it, been writing it pre-spider bite with ned, who is just as enthusiastic about it. but the thing is, it's really hard to do updates when you are literally spider-man.

every three months he'll post and in the author's note there's some shit like "sorry this took a while, i got shot seven times :/" or "i know it's been a minute, i literally got hit by a bus and then stabbed in the leg, but i'm all good!" or sometimes ned would log in and post with a note "hey i'm a friend posting on the author's behalf, they're healing from severe hypothermia but promised an update, so here it is!"

and the fic just gets increasingly more popular for the author notes alone. a good handful of the comments are something along the lines of "i'm not even in the star wars fandom, i'm just here to see if the author is good" or "every update i cheer for another day the author gets to live at this point"

and any reader who is a native new yorker kind of pieces together that holy shit the author might be spider-man because the timeline adds up, and they just fully embrace it. spider-man will stop a robbery and the guy behind the counter will ask when the next chapter will be up. spider-man returns a stolen backpack to a girl and she'll tell him that he "really got poe's voice down so well, it's really impressive."

ned thinks it is hilarious. mj finds out about the fic from twitter, to peter's absolute horror, and changes peter's contact name to "friendly neighborhood ao3 author". but the worst thing to happen is after an avengers battle where peter took a pretty big hit and ends up in med-bay. and during a press conference, when someone asks how spider-man is healing, tony just drops "spidey won't be down for too long. the star wars fic will be updated within the week, probably."

ao3 goes down for two days.