My life as a trans guy

Hello! I'm your friendly local trans guy. I just wanna write about some things in my life.

[mylifeasatransguy]

Lol at me saying I’ll post more often.

It’s been…a while. I don’t know why I’m posting this because even the few people that were following this have deactivated. anyway. It actually got better, who would have thought. I’m now 4.5 years on T, a year post top surgery, and never been better. Transitioning literally saved my life. Still not perfect, still some fucked up things to deal with. But now I can deal with them at least.

Time to live.

[mylifeasatransguy]

Dating?

So I’ve been trying to get into that terrifying world of dating, it’s been ok to be fair but lately I realised that I’m really holding back.

Being fat I spent my school years being laughed at, being the person people flirt with only as a joke for their friends, being bullied by my own family. Add dysphoria on top of that and you can guess my self esteem had never been great. But I’ve been better, I’m not listening to anyone, I’m past feeling sorry for myself. But damn these things can fucking scar you. It’s not that I haven’t had relationships, I did, but it was always other people approaching me and I kinda went along with it. I was not too much into them, I guess I just wanted to have something. But while I’ve been better with accepting myself I still find that when I go out with people this anxiety that they won’t be into me and leave is still there. Right now there are two people that I know are interested in me, I’d like to do something with them, but I keep thinking “nah they don’t like me, no point asking them out”. It really sucks. Because the rational part of my brain knows that they do, but the irrational is louder and says why would they?

No point in this, just realising that these kinda things stay with you. I really need to get myself out there and be bolder. And realise that people can actually like me.

That’s all for now from my big trans gay ass.

[mylifeasatransguy]

2 years later

Wow I actually opened that again huh. It’s 2am and I can’t sleep so I guess instead of thinking I’ll just write.

Guess what, things actually can get better. I’m turning 27 in a few days and I’ve been on T for a year and 4 months now. I could write about all the things that aren’t well but I opened tumblr again and remembered that 2.5 years ago everything seemed hopeless and now I can kinda see some future. Things aren’t perfect but hey what is in this economy. But I started my transition, I ignored all the fears and did it. And it’s been going well y’all. I’ve changed a lot, I have hair on my face, my voice is very different, I have a bank card with my actual name on it, and rarely get misgendered. Still a long way to go, especially for top surgery. It really sucks but hopefully in a couple years time I’ll look back with a flat chest and say to my past self thanks for not giving up.

It’s December so I’m going back to see my family for the holidays in a few days so I expect lots of shit I’ll have to put up with, I’ll try to write here instead of keeping everything inside. I said it before but I’ll try to stick with it this time. For now I have something else I want to write about but I’ll make another post tonight/tomorrow.

My trans siblings, stay perfect and don’t give up ♥️

[mylifeasatransguy]

Binding for large people

Another day, another  article about binding that focuses on trans* people with tiny chests. It’s easy to say “have some binder-free days” but when you’re a large trans masculine person that option is just not there. It’s hard to pass even with a binder on. Now that summer is near it’s ever worse because you can’t wear layers. I admire the people who are confident enough to go out without a binder on. I wish i could do that. Being large chested is hard enough and some times even trans* friendly spaces are not safe, so at least try and include our experiences in trans* related articles and speeches. And if you dare say “then why don’t you lose some weight” you’re an asshole. 

[mylifeasatransguy]

don’t compare yourself to other people kids

Hi

I’m your friendly local trans guy and i decided to start a blog because i suck at talking to people.

I’m a common 24 year old guy trying to make a living in the world and being mad at the previous generations for fucking everything up. I recently moved to London from another european country that i’m not gonna name now. My country sucks when it comes to trans people. Actually it sucks when it comes to a lot of things. Anyway. My frustration mostly comes from this.

Today i wanted to rant about how i keep comparing me to other people and it STINKS. Friends, some younger than me, some out only for a few months, are already moving on with their transition while i feel like i stand still. I want to change my name, i want to go to the gp and get referred to a GIC, i want to finally do something for me. But i cant because my country is run by morons who say “you cant change your name and your gender marker until you get a hysterectomy”. Like, WHAT THE FUCK? And i moved to England so i can do those things but i still can’t because i still have some unfinished business back in my country and i wont be able to go back. It’s messed up. And at the same time i look at my friends transitioning and while i’m glad for them i can’t help feeling jealous. I know that everyone goes at their own speed and i shouldn’t compare myself to others but some days i just can’t help it. I’m a positive person in general but days like this make me want to scream. 

One day....

I’ll try and update this blog often with little rants, positive things and perhaps some photos. I’ll see. 

Until then