I see a lot of asexual people on tumblr casually mentioning how they've been talked into having sex, despite finding it kinda boring or unpleasant; or how they've had to "meet in the middle" and "compromise" with an allo partner; or how they aren't that into sex but they really don't mind and they just do it for their partner. things like that.
so hey. guys. while aces CAN in fact have sex, and that stuff can be okay in context, I really want us to also NOT normalize the idea of just having sex for someone else's sake. a lot of acespec people have complicated relationships with sexual attraction and desire, and I think that can sometimes make it hard to tell what's part of the experience of you being ace, and what's actually *not* okay to be experiencing in a relationship. so let me just say, you should only be having sex if YOU GENUINELY WANT TO. if you're having sex because you feel like you have to for some external reason, or because you can't say no without there being a consequence in your relationship or your life, that is *not consent.* it's not consent unless it's freely given. like, let's be clear, sexual abuse isn't always physically violent. sexual *coercion* is a thing, when people are manipulated or pressured into "consenting" to have sex with someone, and it can be seriously traumatizing. so yeah. having sex when you don't feel like it isn't a compromise you just "have" to make because you're ace. allosexual people don't "have" to have sex in their relationships. and allosexual people's feelings aren't more important than asexual people's bodily autonomy.
