CONSTANTINE

I can get you what you want.

[nevertoooldtolovemuppets]

crackpotcomics submitted to nevertoooldtolovemuppets:

Choosing a favorite Muppet is like choosing a favorite molecule of oxygen, but seeing this skit for the first time definitely secured Dr. Bunsen Honeydew a place in my top ten.

[mynamefirst]

[mynamefirst]

-Police sirens blaring in the distance-

"It is because I am being green isn't it?"

[miss-azura-deactivated20170724]

[mynamefirst]

[mynamefirst]

"If I had American dollar for every such time I am plotting nefarious scheme--I would be having more than one dollar. And if I am having dollar for every evil thought, and the evils when I am having done them...I am getting more dollars on top of my dollars. This is also the way of United States economy." 

[mynamefirst]

'

[pushmipulluridesagain]

There’s a special place in hell for people like me.

[trilliumjones]

“Yay!” Trill exclaimed enthusiastically, happy to have helped. “I’m glad I found you what you wanted.” Picking up her small container of strawberries, she pulled one out and popped it in her mouth. When the frog asked her what her name was, Trill quickly finished chewing to answer him. “My name is Trillium, mammy said I was named after a flower, but everyone calls me Trill, if you want to call me that too. What’s your name, Mister Frog Man?” 

[mynamefirst]

"You are saying mammy instead of mommy?" he paused, mulling it over. "That is...cute, but I am not wanting cute. I am wanting little girl to follow direction blindly."

He watched her eat the berries, fighting the urge to knock the box out of her hands. "I am Constantine, but I am not liking your name. Pick a different one. I cannot be exploiting child for scheming with nicey-nice flower name." 

[kissykissymisspiggy]

"Fine! Then the deal is off!"

[mynamefirst]

"Fine! I will be finding other means."

[kissykissymisspiggy]

"Oh, good Lord, not this again!"

"Okay, ten bottles of Chanel No. 5, the Tiffany Diamond, the diamond costume jewelry that Marilyn Monroe once wore, eight pairs of Loubitons, and the La Peregrina pearl. Do that, and you’ve got yourself a deal.”

[mynamefirst]

"Ey! How am I to be stealing this stuff when I am  on the run, hm? I have no disguise, and no Number Two  to assist. You are choosing impossible things, Miss Pig.  I cannot be doing these things, Miss Pig!"

[charleydriftwood]

Visit Original Link

Cookie Monster is me Tommy Wiseau is torque5

[kissykissymisspiggy]

"…what’s in it for me?"

[mynamefirst]

"I can get you what you want."

[loversdreamersandyou]

[rocafonz]

tru chainz, Sam The Eagle

[kissykissymisspiggy]

"My Foo Foo? Never! I will not allow you to take her from moi!”

[mynamefirst]

"You will be giving Poo Poo to me! You will be giving to me all the pretty-pretty things I need!"

[trilliumjones]

“I would never threaten you, Mister Frog Man,” Trill told him, smiling softly. “But I’ll be back with your food!” Setting her strawberries down, she ran off to go catch some mosquitos. It wasn’t long before she returned with a small container that had been left at the stream from the other kids who’d been catching fish and things. “Okay! I got some. Here you go.”

[mynamefirst]

"Aha! Yes, very good."

What a piece of cake! If all children were as innocent and willing to help as this one was, he really should use them more often for nefarious schemes. He didn't even need to force her to collect the food for him.

"Tell me, little girl, what name are you going by?"

[being-bad-is-rad]

"I am liking villainous mustache, furry leprechaun-man. I cannot be growing these things for myself."

”..Are ya some kind of frog-man? What’s with that mole on ya face?”

[being-bad-is-rad]

"Hmmm…sounds like what I deal with. I share a similar look to this orange guy named Wander. He’s a goody-goody who travels the galaxy helping people. Not my kind of career path."

[mynamefirst]

"If someone is being able to leave planet to travel into space, why would you be going through so much trouble only to help other peoples? Helping peoples is not helping me, so it is waste of time. There could be so many bad things you could be doing instead! Not my kind of career path, either."