I gotta talk to someone i start taking latuda tomorrow & the side affects are scaring me so badly. ๐ญ๐ญ I got diagnosed with bipolar type2 a week ago im very scared. Like I alr have weight issues so I don't wanna gain more & have more issues, one of the side is nausea & I have fear of that ๐คง tweaking out yall
ahh that's scary, and new medication is scary, but I know a few people with bipolar 2 and they all really benefitted from medication! it takes getting used to and finding the best fit for you but it's worth it. you'll also find the best things to do to prevent issues like nausea! so good luck I believe in you
it's so funny when people critique dark tropes and plotlines with "this isn't appropriate, people ACTUALLY going through this" because the human condition is like. very much the point.
Every single time I see a take that amounts to "if you write about X happening, or like fiction where X happens, you like X" I'm reminded of this one time I was at a casual friends house as a young kid. We were in her room, pretending to "be orphans" escaping from an evil orphanage and having to take care of each other and fend for ourselves. It was all very Little Orphan Annie/All Dogs Go to Heaven and based on the 80s pop media.
And this girl's mom comes in, hears what we're playing and gets all MAD and UPSET. She says that if we play act something, it's because we want it to happen. So her daughter must WANT HER TO DIE.
First off lady, we were 6 year year olds, so take it down several notches. We barely had a concept of mortality for fucks sake. She made us feel so guilty and ashamed, because she was taking our game personally.
Now I have a 5 year old. And sometimes she looks at me and says "pretend you're dead, and I have to -" Whatever it is. Some adult task she's assigned herself.
And it's just so transparently obvious that she's practicing the idea of having to do things on her own. Which is exactly what 5 year olds are supposed to do. I actually find it very flattering that the only way she can envision me not being available to help her is to be literally deceased. Otherwise, obviously, she wouldn't have to do scary hard things alone.
It's a natural coping mechanism. She's self-soothing about what would happen if I wasn't there by play-acting independence in a perfectly safe environment. She's also practicing skills she needs, and making up excuses for practicing them on her own, without taking on the responsibility of being able to do them by herself all the time yet.
Humans mentally rehearse bad this in their brains all the time. We can do that by ruminating- going over worries over and over again, which tends to lead to anxiety and helplessness and depression. Or we can do it with a sense of play- by recognizing that the fiction is fiction and we can dip our toe into these experiences and expose ourselves to bad things without actually being injured.
My daughter does not want me dead. And I don't want bad things to happen in real life. But fiction and pretend help me face the horrors of the world and think about them without collapsing or messing myself up mentally.
of course I find the vanity fair lie detector test videos entertaining, but I resent how they are continuing the normalization/propaganda of lie detectors as meaningful in any way.
@trelaney: my phone says we have an unstable connection... and like duh, of course our connection is based on us both being unstable, don't need to tell me that
You see I too often sat in school classes and thought โwhen am I ever going to need this, Iโm never going to be an engineer, Iโm never gonna be a scientist, Iโm never gonna be a linguistโ and then I grew up and it turns out a lot of bigots and cults and scams and grifts hinge their entire business model on you just. Not knowing what a protein is or some shit
a/n:ย ...anyone remember when i talked about this story over half a year ago? back when i threw up a poll for you guys to pick who it would be about? well, it's finally done.
summary:ย โtomorrow I will be on a boat headed back to Englandโฆ and if I donโt go willingly, then my papa will just make me. Thereโs no way in hell heโd ever let me stay behind, even if he did know about you.โ
warnings:ย tarzan!joel miller x reader, smut, tarzan au, historical au (edwardian era), angst with a happy ending, established relationship, primal behaviour, some possessiveness, crying, kissing, outdoor sex, goodbye sex, dirty talk (bro... it was so hard to figure out how he'd do that... like, he couldn't just ramble like how i usually write because he's a hot little jungle dude...), size kink, belly bulge, manhandling, not really any foreplay, multiple orgasms, squirting, overstimulation,ย handjob, oral, 69 (but standing, becasue he a big stong boy), impact play, penetrative sex, unprotected sex, creampie
word count: 2683
โผ gentle reminder that feedback, but especially reblogs are the way you support writers on here โฝ
masterlistย |ย join my taglistย
โJoel? Joel?โ a few of the birds up in the treetops ascended into flight at the echo of your voice as it boomed in the clearing.
A small rustle then found your ears, causing you to whip your head around and spot the leaves on one of the nearby bushes sway slightly before the thin branches calmed once more. And though your initial thought of who the source might have been was the savage individual you were searching for, a shiver then promptly trickled down your spine at the notice of the many dangers of the jungle it might have been instead that was lurking in the shadows, ready to pounce.
But thankfully, it wasnโt a panther that swiftly sprang out from behind a tree.
โJoel!โ you yelped as the wild man playfully scared you and captured your frame in his burly arms, lifting you off of the ground as you continued to screech, โoh myโ, I told you not to do that anymore!โ your palm instinctively soared down to smack his shoulder, โset me down at once!โ you insisted firmly before the grinning man fulfilled your command, reuniting you with the forest floor, โgod, I swear, one day youโll actually scare me to deathโฆโ the muttering accompanied an exhale as it flowed out past your lips.
Finally blinking back at Joel, he looked just the same as he had back when you first met him over a year ago, with the only exception being the broad smile plastered upon his face as he gazed down upon you. Though now you barely noticed his lack of clothing, it hadnโt always been that way, as the fine society youโd been raised in had caused you to initially gawk fretfully at not only his nude state, but also his unkempt hair and beard, as well as the gnarly scars that decorated his brawny frame.
Simply chuckling at your grumbling, Joel then cupped your face, his calloused thumbs briefly stroking your soft cheeks as he smiled down at you before lowering himself to kiss you.
But just before his lips could distract you for too long from the soul-crushing news that ached in your chest, you painstakingly whimpered against his kiss before breaking away to utter, โwait, Iโโฆโ
โWhatโs wrong?โ he tilted his head as you swiftly bowed your own, โdo you not want my touch today?โ
Carefully untangling the warm embrace he had wrapped around your form, you distanced yourself a tad, though kept on clutching his hands as emotions began to thicken your voice in a treat for tears to spring fourth, โIโโฆ I have something I need to tell youโฆโ your stare stayed averted and glued upon his wide palms, โmy fatherโs research was only set to last a yearโฆ and even though I know heโs tried to request for an extension down here, his funding just wonโt stretch for that, no matter if his work is done or notโฆโ
Standing as still as a statue, Joel slowly murmured, โโฆI donโt understandโฆโ
Sucking in a breath, you lifted your teary gaze to meet his eyes, โtomorrow I will be on a boat headed back to Englandโฆ and if I donโt go willingly, then my papa will just make me. Thereโs no way in hell heโd ever let me stay behind, even if he did know about you.โ
โBut youโreโโฆโ he breathed, taking a slight step closer to where you stood before him, โyouโre mine. You canโt leave.โ
โI have to,โ you uttered solemnly, โI wish it could be different, but it canโt.โ
โIโโฆโ his intense eyes briefly averted as he scrambled his brain, โโฆI will come with you,โ he then stated, his strong fingers tightening around your hands.
โNo, you canโt,โ you faintly shook your head, โyou donโt understand what people would do to you if they found out who you are. At best youโd become a lab rat, and at worstโโฆโ the sentence then suddenly crumbled as you couldnโt even utter the truth out loud, how there were some people who would hunt him, simply because of who he was. Tears now streaming down your cheeks, you squeezed both of your eyes shut, โโฆI canโt let that happen.โ
The silence drew out as the nauseating powerlessness sank into him, and when you finally let your eyes flutter back open, they found his own tearful gaze. Slowly, as you both stood there before one another, Joel let one of his broad palms slide up to the back of your head before he bowed down slightly and brought your forehead to his own.
After a shaky breath flowed from your lungs, your eyes then closed as you whispered, โI will never forget youโฆโ
With his gentle hold on you, he tilted your head just ever so slightly as he blinked down at your sniffling visage for but a moment, before he then crashed his lips against your own. Tears cascaded down your face and mingled with the tender kiss.
As you tangled your arms up around his neck, his own soon swept down to envelop the small of your waist, drawing you in as the peck swiftly blossomed into something more.
One of his hands fell to your ass, desperately cupping the curve firmly as he hugged you even tighter, pulling you so near that he instinctively plucked you up into his arms.
โCloserโฆโ he murmured as your legs wrapped around his hips, โI wanna feel you closerโฆโ he begged, โlet me inside one last timeโฆโ
A heartbreaking nod hastily tilted your head, your nose nudging against his own at the proximity, as you both knew that this would be the very last moment youโd share together, so you might as well make the little time you had left count.
With a growl, Joelโs fingers didnโt hesitate before they found the buttons along the top of your dress, tearing it open, before the both of you scrambled to rip the remainder of the garment over your head. Though when he reached your frilly combinations below, his touch had grown too impatient and instead just ripped it to shreds and tossed the scraps to the grass below.
With you still fast in the wild manโs grasp, his feet then shuffled until your spine collided with the trunk of a thick tree.
Soon, your hand soared down between your bodies to envelop your fingers around his girth that had begun to throb against you.
And as you let the very tip of him part your glistening petals, desperately rubbing him against you, a gentle groan vibrated in Joelโs throat as he briefly tilted away from your kiss, โso softโฆโ he murmured in amazement, still utterly mesmerised by the way that your pussy felt.
Shuddering gasps expanded each of your lungs when the bulbous head of his cock then caught your entrance and let him inside just an inch.
โOh godโฆโ you panted, eyes squeezing shut a moment as your cunt stretched open for him, your little hole struggling to take his fat girth so suddenly, โdarlingโฆโ
It was slow, though insistent, the manner in which he gradually sank you down upon his thick length, gently lowering you till he filled you up so completely that as your hazy gaze glanced down, you spotted the imprint of the savageโs staggering size bulging in your belly.
Tears still blurred your vision as your upper body melted back against the rough trunk, and you peered back into Joelโs stare as he manoeuvred your form in his brawny grasp, finding a tender pace that caused your brows to knit together.
Although, the gentle rhythm didnโt last long as his desperate hips soon began to snap up into you with such fierceness that he had to shift away from the tree for your spine not to get all scratched up by the bark.
Your nectar leaked from your pussy, dripping down his heavy balls with every zealous thrust as you soon tumbled over the edge. And as you clambered around his cock and melted down against his broad shoulder, a groan rumbled in his chest, โI need to taste youโฆโ
โHuh?โ you managed to hum as you barely heard through your fog what he had uttered.
But a yelp swiftly left your body as his bestial strength picked you off of his dick and flipped you all the way around till you dangled in his grasp, upside down.
โMineโฆโ his growl vibrated against your sensitive cunt as he greedily buried his tongue deep inside of you, making you squeal in his burly arms before your wiggling legs bent and melted down against his broad shoulders.
Upside down and drooling against his hipbone, your fingers soon found his cock that stood proud mere centimetres away from your face, still glossy and dripping from your desperation.
And as your fist began to stroke up and down the length of him, and your lips soon found the tip of him in a sloppy kiss, you felt him moan against your puffy clit before his palm playfully tapped your ass.
Eventually, when your world was no longer turned on its head, your fingers clawed at the grass below you so tightly that you yanked out clumps of it.
โSo wetโฆโ Joel murmured from behind you as he hiked up your ass and traced the tip of himself through your slit, nudging and tapping his hardness repeatedly against your buzzing pearl. Though you were already a slick and sticky mess, the wild man still let a dollop of his spit drop down to your pussy as he peered down at it, โlook at that little honeypotโฆโ he groaned in a gravely tone before burying himself in your heaven once more, โso goodโฆโ
The rough pace of his hips caused the softness of your ass to ripple at the impact as sloppy claps of your sinful farewell reverberated throughout the jungle.
Catching your chin, he plucked it up and twisted your head back enough for your eyes to lock with his own, your spine arching severely as he moulded you beneath him.
And as you lost yourself in the intensity of his stare, shrill moans billowed forth as you felt yourself near the edge once more, although this time, your pussy gushed around his girth, trembling against his efforts as your squirt soaked the ground below.
Even after Joel had reached his peak as well, your frame stayed buried beneath his as stifled hisses seeped through his teeth as he stubbornly continued to fuck his sensitive cock in and out of you, his girth forcing his load to leak out, as he simply wasnโt ready for everything to end yet.
Even half a year after youโd returned home, your heart was still broken.
You used to like the buzz of busy London, but now it just reminded you where you no longer were. Even when you closed your eyes, as you often did, shutting out the city and clutching onto the few bird songs that echoed from above in a desperate attempt at pretending you were back where your heart longed to be.
Keeping your eyes shut, your legs swayed slightly as you balanced on a thick branch in the lower part of the old oak tree in the corner of your familyโs garden.
Though as you began to hear a pair of heavy footsteps on the pebbled path below, a sigh flowed from your lungs as you fluttered your gaze back open and huffed as you hopped down from the tree.
โPapa, I already told you,โ your back was still turned to the winding garden path as you crawled your way back down to the ground, โI do not wish to be disturbed.โ
But instead of the stern rumble of your father, a different voice found your ears, one so unexpected that it caused your limbs to lock up and freeze at once.
โY/n?โ
Assuming that you were either hallucinating or that youโd fallen asleep up in the tree and that this was the most cruel of dreams, it took you a moment to finally spin around. However, when you did, you spotted none other than Joel standing before you.
With your feet still glued to the ground, your vision began to blur with tears as he slowly started to close the distance. As soon as he came within range, his palms drifted up to finally cup your soft cheeks once again. Bowing his head to get to your level, he briefly let his face gently nudge against yours before his lips captured your own in the kiss you thought youโd never get to feel again.
Throwing your arms around him as a whimper vibrated against his lips, you pulled back a bit as your palms ran down over the lapels of the jacket that he wore.
โYouโre wearing a suit,โ you uttered in a mixture of confusion and amazement as you blinked down at the garment. ย
โI know,โ he chuckled as he peered down at it as well, โitโs even more uncomfortable than I imagined,โ he murmured before dipping down for another taste of your lips.
โWait, wait,โ you swiftly cut the sweet reunion of your mouths short and planted your palms upon his chest, โhow are you even here? Whaโโฆโ
โWell, there was a boat,โ he exhaled, his gaze briefly drifting up to the treetops as he thought. Your eyes swiftly widened as you noticed how much more eloquent and distinguished he seemed, โthen a train and a few carriages in between. Met a kind stranger who lent me some of his wardrobe,โ he gestured to the polished garb that clad him, โand he also offered me a few suggestions on how I could win you back, though I still think they were rather strange, even if those are the ways that you do it over here,โ his eyes didnโt yet dare to find your own as he uttered, โI preferred my own plan.โ
Sucking in a breath, the clutch your fingers had on the fabric of his jacket tightened, โand what is that plan?โ
Finally meeting your gaze, he slowly professed, โthat Iโโฆlove you,โ his breaths were shallow as he blinked down into your eyes. His touch then slid down the length of your arms till he cradled both of your hands in one of his broad ones, โI would challenge any beast to keep you safe, to keep you with me. I would do anything for you, even travel half a world just to see you one more time,โ he declared before his gaze briefly averted as he uttered, โyou once told me about a mating ritual where one would gift the other a jewel and theyโd become bonded forever,โ you watched as his fingers dipped onto his pocket and conjured a little rock. About the size of a berry, the blue stoneโs beauty was jagged and rough, as if heโd just ripped it straight out of an ore before presenting it to you, โwill you?โ he scarcely breathed as he proposed, โbe mine forever, and Iโll be yours?โ
Still gently crying, you blinked up at him and uttered, โJoel, not a single day has passed where I havenโt longed to go back to you. England just doesnโt feel like home anymore. Not since you claimed my heart and became my home,โ your lips curved into a smile, โI love you. Of course, Iโll be yours.โ
โYes?โ he dipped down to examine your weepy expression closer.
โYes! Yes!โ you exclaimed in a clearer tone before you threw yourself into his arms and practically climbed him like a tree as you then kissed him.
Your lips stayed locked as his feet then shifted in haste, rushing back into the house with giggles vibrating on your lips as you tried to guide him up to your bedroom. Though when he finally did find it, his foot kicked the door closed behind you both, the loud slam echoing throughout the large home before he tossed you down upon the plush bed in the middle of your room.
GIRL I.... THIS IS SO GOOD ๐ญ the sweet emotional side vs the fucknasty jungle debauchery, what more could you ask for!! this had me blushing and that's saying a lot considering I'm a total freak and dead inside
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