My confession is that I'm afraid and confused as hell. I safeworded a few days ago during a scene with my Mistress and she got really mad at me. She said she was in control, that my voice didn't matter and that I had to either suck it up or get the fuck out. I sucked it up but now I feel so empty, so lost. Is it normal to feel this way? Also, I'm fairly new to this.
First of all, let me start by saying this: One, you did absolutely nothing wrong and two, your voice matters very much. And thirdly, I’m damn proud of you for speaking out about this.
No matter how new or seasoned you are to this world, no matter how soft or hardcore you play, the very foundation of any kind of BDSM play is Safe, Sane and Consensual and I’d like to add not to be under the influence of drugs and/or alcohol.
Safewords, dear Anon, are designed to keep any participant in BDSM play safe, not matter the role you take on during play. Generally speaking, and most people I know, both in real life as online, use two different safewords. One that warns the Dom(me) of an issue yet does not end the scene and one that puts a direct stop to any and all play.
Depending on the situation or scene, the first safeword is often used when a sub has a cramp for instance, of when limbs fall asleep or when they become overwhelmed/oversensitive and need their Dom(me) to give them a moment to recompose themselves or go slower. To give you a funny real life example; my boy once used it because his nose started to itch really badly and he couldn’t scratch since he was tied up.
Whatever safeword you used, for whatever reason, your Domme needs to respect that. As a Dom(me) it is our responsibility to guide you through a scene, to make sure you’re safe, both physically and emotionally. Not respecting this is a serious breach of trust, Anon. To push a submissive beyond their limits in such a way is dangerous and very harmful, to both the submissive as the relationship between you two.
While you mention being new to this you do not mention your Domme’s level of experience. If she’s new to this, I honestly suggest a long good talk with her. Multiple even. I find it very helpful to write out some rules and guidelines. That way you both know, and agree, to what you write down. I find it increases the level of commitment on both ends.
If your Domme however is an experienced one, I’m sorry to say this so bluntly, she’s unworthy of being called a Domme, let alone of having your submission.
Your voice matters, Anon. Your safety matters. Your wishes and desires matters. Be safe, and if needed be, no matter how much it will hurt, walk away of the relationship.
PS: Don’t hesitate to reach out in private.
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