𝄂𝄚𝅦𝄚𝄞𝅄ㅤ─────────────────────────────⟢ ・⸝⸝
Pairing: Saimatsu (Shuichi Saihara x Kaede Akamatsu)
Summary: Years after the events of the third game, Shuichi continues moving forward, living his normal life. However, today is not just any day: it's Valentine's Day. A day that forces him to face the guilt and loss he has avoided for a long time.
Warning: Potential DRV3 spoilers!
The wind cuts like an icy dagger, the sky is monochrome. The trees are covered in a bright white frost and sway with the slowness of a soft, melancholy melody.
Like the memory of a pure and sweet chord of your presence.
February drags on, heavy and agonizing. For others, however, a day like today is synonymous with love. The streets are adorned with large crimson red hearts, and couples in love walk, oblivious to the cold that surrounds them. Flowers appear like color on a black-and-white canvas, a hope amidst the imminent despair of my gray days.
I walked slowly, my hands in the pockets of my black trench coat, like a ghost in the midst of the growing commotion. I had arranged to meet Maki and Himiko to get through this day, which only leads me to overthink about how it would be if you were still here. They know I can't forget the injustice and pain you had to suffer for having such a big heart. Sometimes, I try to forgive myself for not trying to do anything to save you, but it's useless. The weight of guilt eats away at me, even though Maki and Himiko always say it was inevitable. But if only, if only I had doubted Tsumugi, if I had seen her true intentions.. Or if only I had known how much I..
I arrived at the café, where Maki and Himiko were already there. Maki was wearing a red blouse and loose black pants, while Himiko wore a soft burgundy velvet dress. They were both sitting at a table, probably talking about what they had seen during the day. I know them perfectly; they avoid touching on what happened years ago at all costs. And even though they try to pretend they’ve moved on, I know they still think about it with the same intensity as I do.
Maki gestured with her hand, inviting me to sit in the empty chair.
"Hi Shuichi, you took too long," she said, the sharp edge of her voice softened. "We know this day doesn't bring good memories, but we ordered your favorite coffee so you can relax."
"Nyeh... Valentine's Day is a normal day," Himiko said in her lazy voice. "I don't get why it's a celebration.. Does love even exist?"
"Of course it exists," I said automatically, though as I said it, I felt a chill throughout my body.
Maki looked at me carefully, analyzing my every reaction. She understood my reaction and why I stated it so vehemently. Kaede's echo still orbits around us like a memory of what we lived through; she was the sacrifice of a pure soul to find the mastermind. Himiko, noticing my intensity, decided to look down and started folding the napkins into paper airplanes.
"Well, I also believe it exists," Maki said, as the waiter brought our coffees on a tray. "Thank you very much."
I looked at Maki in surprise, as she blew on her coffee and took a small sip.
"Do you really believe that?" I asked. "I thought you'd also think love doesn't exist."
"That was before I met you all," she said with a slight smile. "Love isn't just about romantic relationships. It can happen in many ways. In family, in friends like us, in yourself.. and it can also arise for those who are no longer here but were important to us. In short, there's also a love for life itself."
At that moment, applause was heard. A pianist had stepped onto the small stage and began to play Debussy's Clair de Lune. The café filled with the soft melody of the grand piano, comforting the place in a nostalgic way. Maki and Himiko looked at me with sadness in their eyes while tears flooded mine, inevitable but necessary to release the overflowing memories upon hearing that song.
"It seems like she's calling you, Shuichi," Maki said, looking toward the stage. "How long has it been since you last visited her?"
"I haven't wanted to since that day. I can't stand the thought of seeing her in that place." I said between tears. "It hurts to remember that I couldn't do anything to help her. How could I visit her if she's dead because of me?"
"That's not true, nyeh," Himiko said, playing with her napkin airplanes. "You did everything in your power to help her. It's Tsumugi's fault for deceiving us all at the trial."
"Himiko's right, Shuichi. You can't blame yourself for something you didn't do, it's all their fault," Maki's soft and reasonable voice resonated in the atmosphere. You should visit her. You don't need to say anything, you can just sit and simply breathe. An action is worth more than a thousand words, isn't it? Souls feel the presence of the people they love most. And despite everything, she'll always be with you.
"But what if I can't bear to be faced with the constant reminder of her absence? What if I fall apart from this and don't have the strength to face reality?"
"If you fall apart, we'll pick you up. That's what we're here for, idiot."
"Besides, we're your friends and the survivors of the game. We're here to support each other, nyeh. It's time to move forward, with the memory of everyone else present."
The melody of Clair de Lune slowly reached the peak of its melody and then gently faded away, followed by a round of enthusiastic applause. After the room fell silent, with only the background noise of conversations, something clicked inside me.
"You're right," I said, getting up from the chair and leaving my share of the bill. "I have to go see her right now. Because if I wait longer, I'll find a thousand excuses. And I've already wasted too much time doubting."
"That sounds more like you," Maki said with a smile, as she suddenly tossed me her car keys and I caught them by reflex. "Here, so you can get there faster. You can return them later."
"Say hi for us, nyeh. And cry if you need to. Say everything you've wanted to tell her for so long," Himiko said, as I put the keys in my trench coat pocket. They looked at me with hope, knowing I would finally face reality and my feelings.
"Thanks for everything, girls. Really."
I left the café, got into Maki's car, and drove to the steep hills that overlooked the city covered in bright lights. On the way, I bought some pink lilies, her favorites, as fragrant as her perfume that I still remember as if it were yesterday. The air was cold, the sky a pale gray, with the soft sound of rain beginning to fall. I walked through the soft snow-covered grass toward where the echo of her memory led me.
The headstone was simple, polished white marble. It's like her essence: fine, bright, and pure. At the top, a small musical note was engraved, a symbol of her passion and dedication to her talent. It was as if even in her absence, her presence refused to be silent.
"Hi Kaede," I said, my voice breaking. "I finally had the courage to visit you, and I'm sorry. I'm so sorry for that."
Slowly, I placed my fingers on the marble, caressing the engraving where her name was. I felt unworthy of doing it, but at the same time, I needed to. To feel that she's still with me, even though she's already left this world. Even though she's dead.
"I've been thinking about everything that happened since the day we got out into the real world. And I didn't want to face everything we left behind. The pain, the frustration, the helplessness.. and the guilt. I'm sorry I couldn't save you, for not realizing the deception. But now you're here, when you should have been with us."
I inhaled and exhaled slowly.
"And you should have been with me."
I fell to my knees in the snow, not caring that it soaked my clothes. I hugged the headstone like a shipwrecked sailor in a stormy sea, while tears streamed down my cheeks and fell onto the marble. I knew I was going to break as soon as the words left my mouth, yet I maintained my composure. This time, I straightened up despite being on the ground and slowly placed the bouquet of pink lilies on the marble. Their warm colors adorned the white like small, impossible-to-ignore sparks, just as she was in my life.
"I brought you lilies, your favorite flowers. Every time I see them, they remind me of you," I said with a small smile that didn't reach my eyes. "Did you know? Maki and Himiko encouraged me to come, and I'm so grateful they convinced me. They say hello.. and they miss you very much."
I gently wiped my tears with the back of my hand.
"Fortunately, they're doing well, moving forward with their lives. Maki teaches self-defense classes to kids, Himiko does magic shows on stage," I said. "And I'm working in the police as a detective. Even I can't believe it. Isn't that funny?"
"I.. I can't stop thinking about the nature of the killing game.. How is it possible that everything we lived through wasn't real?"
The wind began to blow harder, gently swaying the lilies like heron feathers. The rain started to fall harder, but I didn't care. I didn't want to move. I couldn't.
"Was everything supposed to be fiction? Were we just puppets acting in someone else's show? Sometimes, before sleeping, I wonder if your hands, your hair, your eyes.. if it was all a lie. But I don't believe it, I could never even consider the truth of what Tsumugi said. If it were all an illusion, what would I be now? A human crying over a fictional character? An empty shell that had a planned life? Are my actions and my current destiny written?"
"Was it also written that I would fall in love with you?"
It was impossible for me. The vivid memory of Kaede still lives on in my memory, like a tattoo etched into my skin. How is it possible to keep thinking about her, if my body and mind were controlled by someone else? If all those emotions were part of a script, why can't I forget her now in the real world? None of this makes sense. The wind kept caressing my skin and the rain soaked my hair, while I kept questioning the truth.
But of one thing I was completely sure.
"Kaede. I don't care. I don't care if I'm just a character belonging to a screen. I don't care if it was all for a script, because there's something I'm sure of. And it's that I love you, I loved you, and I will love you forever. What I feel isn't something fabricated, it's something real."
I rested my forehead on the smooth marble.
"Your voice, your soft hands playing the piano keys, your angelic laugh, and your sweet blushes.. they make my heart race with emotion. Even if they're just memories."
I looked up at the cloudy sky.
"It tortures me to remember that I couldn't tell you when you were alive. But it's not worth suffering over something that's already passed; Himiko and Maki made me realize that. And I know that in the afterlife you'll be listening to me, because your soul is always with me, isn't it?"
Silence. Only the wind. Only the rain. Only me.
"I was always a coward when it came to confessing my feelings, but not anymore. I fell in love with you when I heard you play the piano for the first time. The golden light bathing your face, your fingers flying over the keys, your gaze full of passion and devotion for music.. Just seeing you, I thought I wanted to hear you play for the rest of my life. And even though at the trial I was the one who pointed at you as the culprit, I never stopped loving you. You're my compass, Kaede; I think of you every time I solve a case, of your determination and your dedication."
I looked at the headstone one last time, the lilies and marble creating a hopeful contrast in the midst of the nostalgic atmosphere.
"Thank you, Kaede, for what I learned from you, for being part of my life, for teaching me to love. Don't worry about me, I'll be okay, because I know that in every step I take in life, you'll be there, wishing me happiness."
I kissed the marble, stood up, and straightened my trench coat. I closed my eyes.
"I love you, Kaede Akamatsu, I love you now, tomorrow, and always. And even if the world says you were never real.. to me, to my heart, you were the most real thing I ever had."
Slowly I opened my eyes; the cloudy sky cleared as a ray of sunlight illuminated the pink lilies, now shining in their splendor. A small rainbow formed, as if it were illuminated just for me. It was a beautiful sight, just like her.
"See you later, Kaede. I have many things to do, people to help. And I long to tell you all about it when I come back. Take care, wherever you are."
Peace and silence. There were no answers to my words, only a tranquility that enveloped my being. I stopped feeling cold; my body felt warm. A slight smile formed on my lips as I turned and began to walk back to Maki's car.
February hurt less this year. The words that needed to be released finally came to light. The wind began to blow through the trees again, carrying away years of guilt and silence; now only a feeling of peace remained. Love is sometimes like that; words aren't necessary, just the feeling. And I felt it. I feel it. And I will always feel it.
I smiled as I got into the car, because for the first time, the echo of February would be a sweet memory.
A memory that this love will never die for anything in the world.
A/N: Hi, it's my first time publishing a one-shot. I hope you like it. Happy Valentine's Day! ♡
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