Notebook

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Fraught & Despair

It’s not something very serious or practical, my feelings are usually not cared about. I need to get the awe out of mind, I have more pensive issues I should be worrying about. I try to drag myself out of the chair but the worthlessness within me shut me down, lightening the weight on my shoulders. I feel highly tensed and  abandoned about all the hate for me that resides within others, it’s mentally disturbing and sorrowful that how a person who used to be happy about themselves now want to lighten up the burden of life off their shoulders. It’s not just a phase, it is not temporary, it has impacts and it destroys the hope of life and success in a person with nobody to lend a hand or a shoulder to cry on, I think when you are on this posture of life you become hopeless with a heavy heart. All these years of being beaten up by your own mind makes you very weak with leaving you with bigger experience. I stand up but the rapid thoughts of death, suicide and all the other unpleasant things in mind slow me down, this time with impulsive wave of unconsciousness surround me. This time leaving me unable to speak and move and I realize nothing could be further worse. Stereotypical thoughts arouse me and I feel lightheaded. 

[myusualwritings-blog]

GIFS.

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I'll miss you forever, like stars miss the sun in the morning star

Lana Del Rey

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It's enough, I've done all I could think of

P!nk

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It's hard to find people who will love you no matter

Anonymous

[myusualwritings-blog]

If you are reading this, I’ll tell you a secret. I often think about death - i think you do too. I starve too - i think you do too. I make bad decisions and wrong ways - i think you do too. I have a silly life - i think you do too. I am often mistreated - i think you do too. I get criticized - i think you do too. People hate me more than they love me - i think this happens to you too. I get depressed - i think you do too. I don’t feel good enough and compare myself to other - i think you do too. But, it didn’t slow me down. 

[myusualwritings-blog]

I heard that you had trouble finding your place in the world.

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Life

I think, the worst parts of life are hardly spoken. If you have been through one of few you’ll know it doesn’t make us weak or uncertain but instead they make us able to stay strong through tough times. There are many states of life when we want to give up. Someone left, someone broke you, someone gave you a lesson, someone came as a blessing, and these things happen. They’re a part of life, even if you don’t make it out very soon, even if it’s very late. It’s gonna end, nothing stays forever. Feelings change, people changes, tables turn, everything changes and just know that it is normal. The worst part of a suffering is that you feel hopeless, and the best part of it all isn’t it’s ending but what it gives you when it’s gone. People don’t think, they cheat, they hurt, they bully, they rape, and remember, they don’t come up to you with trailers. It’s all about the time. Every suffering leaves a scar, every storm leaves a rainbow and every story ends. You are not dead, you are not alone or weak. These things happen. A blade leaves a scar and it fades too but these always remind you of the battle that you played and won. Life is hard, short and miserable too. Stay strong.

[myusualwritings-blog]

Gloomy & Unhappy reality

It’s been a crappy year for my friends and folks, my family has been suffering a lot. Wistful and bitter, these sorrows are real. Obviously, this leaves a bad taste in my mouth. So these things that happened are mostly heartbreaks and weakness, my mom and my grand mother are miserable and tearful, my dad is in a whole lot of trouble, I can explain how this happens but before I can start these tears come out of the dark and I think this is a phase of life and it happens to everybody. I think about how long it is before I give up? My accounts are going on and I’m in  a state of extreme physical or mental tiredness. I’m just trying to play it cool but watching everybody’s sorrow is extremely unfortunate and disheartening and tears me apart. So it begins when I lost all of my friends and told myself it’s not me it’s them. I couldn’t even make it out. I cry for help but it’s too blurry, the tears that drip down my cheeks cover the wound itself, I see things differently and every body gets on my nerves. It’s a torture in here and I wanna get out but no, It’s impossible.I realize this isn’t a phase and not temporary like somebody said. Broken, Upset and wretched I stand behind the lies. Story of my life.

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Raw Emotion

It’s almost 12:00 PM and I’m laying on my bed, my head is pounding with a head ache and it doesn’t seem to leave. I drag myself out of the bed as there is a knock on the door, my mom yells at me “are you asleep?”. I want to reply to it but I’m too tired to urge the words. My mom yells at me “You had dinner?” nine seconds and she’s gone. I’ve been on Caffeine to keep myself active and it’s the third reason I’m mentally exhausted. There’s too much going on and I look  unbothered but deep down I feel the regret screaming. My heart is pounding and I feel sick, I madly dash into the bathroom and wash my face, I feel like Nausea but it goes away the second I stop thinking. My thoughts are howling and I feel very weak at my knees. At the moment, my mind makes up the craziest stuff of all time which is basically because of over thinking. I can feel the pounding on my door and this time it goes “Bam, Bam, Bam” “Open the door, Lallie” my mom is on the door. I don’t feel like reacting to it but I feel pity for she has been tolerating me since I was a child. I open the door and my mom is mad, i see that in her eyes. Her eyes are watery and she’s smiling. She says “your dad is back, come down stairs” at that very moment all my sorrow sinks away and I feel sickeningly alive. “Thank god, Lallie” “You made it through this” I whisper to my self. My dad was arrested for something he hadn’t done, the things people do to you are overrated. - TRUE STORY.