crayon eater @n1carrion - Tumblr Blog

I’ve got a tiny black hole in a jar. Cute and incomprehensible isn’t it? Don’t open the lid. The last guy who did that got turbo radiation poisoning.

what-even-is-thiss

No it’s not a pet but it does eat light. Which is pretty easy to acquire all things considered. Just shine a lamp on it.

Again, do not open the jar.

what-even-is-thiss

What does it weigh? Only about ten pounds. It’s like carrying around a cat. In fact, a cat may have turned inside out on itself to make it. Or maybe it was a small dog or a raccoon, I’m not sure.

In any case, seriously, do not open the jar.

medlabmech

*opens the jar*

what-even-is-thiss

*you immediately fall over due to going through all stages of every type of cancer in 2 seconds*

*closes the jar*

They never listen.

sassyphantomkoala

Wait, how come you don't have cancer?

what-even-is-thiss

I don’t open the jar.

what-even-is-thiss

To those of you saying that the black hole would blow up in less than a nanosecond, clearly not. Because it’s still in the jar.

alnaperera

It would not blow up because the event horizon of a black hole that weighs as much as a cat would be miniscule. No idea how you suspended it in the jar though.

what-even-is-thiss

I didn’t say it was suspended in the jar. It still has mass. It’s on the bottom of the jar.

i-dont-know-how-to-exist

i made fanart of the tiny black hole in a jar

what-even-is-thiss

I love this thank you

romanceyourdemons

told my coworker “they’re accusing the chivelord of chive fraud” and it turns out she doesn’t know what any of that means and i look crazy

romanceyourdemons

HE CONFESSED TO THE CHIVE FRAUD

romanceyourdemons

context for the people not following along with chivegate: chopping a cup of chives is a pretty standard test of a chef’s knife skills, so about a month ago a redditor on r/KitchenConfidential started cutting a cup of chives every day until reddit says they’re perfect. he quickly became a wildly popular character, his chives posts regularly hit the front page of reddit. ah what happy larks we’ve had. chive montage break.

but earlier today someone posted that for the past two days he had posted the same cup of chives, just a different photo and flipped. investigation, accusation, excuses, and despair followed in the comments. a few hours later the chivelord himself posted an apology, stating that he had been having car trouble and was unable to get and chop chives and had been too embarrassed skip a day. he offered to submit to the most-upvoted reasonable punishment, which as of right now is, in second place, buying a tripod and posting videos of him chopping his chives, and in first place, simply sitting with the weight of his betrayal

gopyxp

look at this thang

[x]

cheddar-baby

well, time to die

ladsoftheocean

RISE FROM THE ASHES, DARK ONE

merritocrat

@inkblotttt

inkblotttt

behold!! new guy!!

n1carrion

YAAAAAAAAAY

that-gay-jedi

"All monsters must die bloody, and by a hero's hands, and soon," he says over brunch.

He doesn't think it's a rude thing to say in front of a monster. There are no rude things to say to monsters, only rude things monsters say.

"Don't worry," she says between bites, "You're one of the good ones."

"But I am still a monster," I do not say. I do not say that I love my claws and teeth, my prehensile shadow and my glowing eyes. That I cannot imagine giving them up even for survival, that to hide my shadow and trim my claws for them makes me feel diminished. In public I cannot say that I do not wish to be human.

They're progressives, this bunch, even if he carries a hero's banner with its proud history and none of them ask him to put it away. They know there are good monsters, monsters who can speak eloquently and hold the fork right, monsters you can be seen with in public. Some of their best friends are monsters.

They do not know the monster who is invited to brunch knows solidarity with the monster who is not. Believes and understands the monster who is not invited more than the human who does the inviting.

"Isn't that a little harsh?" says a third human, and I have not forgotten I am outnumbered. "We have ways of killing monsters without blood now, painlessly. And, of course, a monster should be allowed to live if it never growls."

He has never seen me growl. Yet how loudly and endlessly I will, when I'm out of earshot. He's talking about killing monsters who cannot stoop to civility, about mother and brother and lover who were never able to mute themselves like me, and does he not know how small a child who can only growl is?

"To growl is not to kill," I say, and all heads turn toward me. It is one of those rude things monsters say.