Okay I don't know why I didn't understand this in my first watch of SnK but-
-Eren was well on his way to psychotic break before they ever laid eyes on the great blue sea. I honestly watched that episode the first time and interpreted all of his reactions as a kind of initial battle fatigue and that's all.
But now, in the rewatch, I understand that the source of his eventual complete and utter fatal crash out isn't because he's grappling with still coming to terms with the fact that he is Eldian...
-which, mind you, is what everybody else is grappling with! That's what's fuckingup everybody else. It's news to them that there's even different races of humans.
But for poor Eren-
who is for all intents and purposes, the coordinator of his race and therefore has impressions of all of the memories of every capital subject of Ymir who has ever lived-
-and has been actively and somewhat willfully reliving the memories of his father and The Owl in particular...
He already knows in a realistic and accurate manner how overwhelming the truth of "the world wants us dead" is.
Because he has, unfortunately, real memories of different parts of the world outside. You think there weren't Eldians trying and falling to blend in on the other continents??? Please. That's so many different flavors of genocide and suffering to have in your memory, holy shit, like...oh my God?????
So Eren does not have any of the hope that there is something amazing and feasibly wonderful outside of the wall in the ways that his peers and the rest the folks from Paradis could have if they were inclined to look at this information in a hopeful light.
He does not even have the permission to hope.
It would be a useless exercise and we see him freeze several times in the days after waking up with his coordinator power unlocked (I can't believe my 24 year old self wrote that off as just regular first time PTSD lol, I'm wild wild wild) because his brain can't even bother to finish out hopeful scenarios.
Baby his imagination is DEAD. He's not even 16 years old 😭😭
And the thing is that the soul thing that used to drive him was the fact that if he just got over them fucking walls that would be life and something better than survival on the other side. That is literally what powered Aaron from the time he came out the womb until the day he opened his eyes in confinement with way too many people's memories in his head. So he lost his literal will to live before we even got to season 4...
He's become even worse than our beloved Erwin, who had to sacrifice his of thirst for truth to the people's wish for him to become a heroic devil. Erwin at least did have a baby dream (get to that basement, confirm if humans exist outside) even if he had no hope. Eren, sadly, just fucking has neither.
Honestly it's actually quite impressive that he fought what had to have been intense and enduring urges to take himself out of the game. Four years is a feat, in light of that. Or you could also suppose that sheer malice powered him those 4 plus years, since he refused to take himself out solo. Still - while I haven't gotten to the final season yet maybe the fact that he possesses the Attack Titan is the sole reason he holds out so long. Maybe, just maybe, an ancestral racial soul - known for always fighting for freedom, no wonder the era - that couldn't look away from injustice did its best to influence Eren's behavior - no matter how fucked up that urge manifested.
Of course he crashes out in the wildest and most suicidal way possible. He had no hope from just about the beginning of the war... he was never going to survive the end of it.















