you ruined me @nailsinmyeyes - Tumblr Blog

i hate christmas because its a reminder that my family makes no effort to understand me. i see so many people around me get showered in gifts that are exactly a reflection of who they are and what they like but the only things i ever get for christmas are last ditch efforts at trying to get something popular for people in my age range. i even made a christmas list this year with all sorts of information about who i am and what i like and the only presents im getting this year are from my mom who already said she just got me little meaningless things. i dont mean to sound ungrateful but i spend all my efforts trying to deeply understand the people around me but my own family cant even make an effort to give a fuck about me. my family isnt poor, its not like we cant afford anything. i just want some proof that my family cares about me as a person, or anyone for that matter. i only really have two friends and they live states away, and my brother is too poor to get me anything. i only get gifts from my mom and cousins. my grandparents just give me money and my cousins usually just get me one small thing. its hard watching everyone else in my family feel seen and understood with their gifts but i sit there every time feeling looked over

my mother is sick and tired of hearing her child call her every single day in tears because they dont see a reason to go on, because they feel fundamentally unlovable, broken, worthless. she is sick and tired of knowing that someone lead them to believe they had worth in their eyes only to be left discarded and demonized after they did their very best with what they had. she is sick of you. she is sick of hearing your name come out of my mouth every time i feel like i cant go on. you PROMISED. and you left me to BURN.