Natsukashii Journal

Hey this is Jen! I'm 24 and currently on the verge of uni burn out so I decided to create this blog to get rid of my way too frequent daydreams in form of anime fanfics. Please enjoy!

[natsukashii-journal]

[11:34 pm]

“Does this mean it’s over?”, you whispered, voice trembling with fear, anticipating a negative answer to your question. Iwaizumi shook his head but didn’t say anything. He clenched his fist, biting his lip to stop tears of frustration from leaking.

For the last hour, the two of you – a couple of three years - engaged in a heated argument about your future. While some time ago, which seemed like an eternity now, both of you were sure of your feelings, of what you expected from being with each other, that was not the case now. It all changed after Iwaizumi came back from his month-long trip to California with the offer of an internship after graduation. The two of you were too focused on making up for missing each other to even think about what that meant for your relationship, so you have been avoiding talking about it for over a year. That is until Iwa received a text from a friend that he met at UCI saying: “I’ll be in Japan this summer, want to show me around?”

You were not the type to get jealous, you felt secure in your relationship and trusted your boyfriend. At least you thought you did. The text made you think about all the stories Iwa told you from his time in the US, about all the people he met, the parties he attended and that made you wonder where your place was overseas. Your doubts grew even stronger when said friend arrived in Tokyo. They took over all his free time, disregarding your position in his life. Iwa reasoned with you that it would only be for two weeks and that you’d have him back after that acquaintance is gone but it did not soothe your unwelcome feelings. The night that friend left Japan, you tried approaching Iwaizumi about his behavior, wanting to speak your mind about your doubts, however he brushed you off claiming he was too tired. That attitude dragged on for weeks until finally your patience ran low. His constant rejection made negative, chaotic feelings well up and you needed relief.

“Hajime, we need to talk.”, You said firmly. You stood at the doorway of your shared bedroom, looking at him while he was changing. “What is it love?”, he said lazily without turning to look at you. For some reason that upset you a little. You’d been desperately trying to communicate, to clear up any doubts, but all he was doing was planting more insecurities and you hated that.

“You haven’t been spending much time with me ever since that acquaintance showed up.”

Iwa chuckled at your short, straightforward explanation and said: “I never thought you could be the jealous type.”

You crossed your arms and said sternly: “Please take this seriously, it has nothing to do with jealousy. I’ve been trying to talk to you about something for a while now, but you’ve been completely disregarding my needs.”

Iwaizumi sighed at that: “I had a lot to do baby, I can’t always be staying up all night talking, I need to keep my grades up in order to secure that internship at UCI.”

At that you tensed a little. You knew that Iwa was serious about going abroad for a while and you supported his decision, but you were wondering what that meant for the two of you. Would you go with him? Would he want you to go with him? Would you want to go?

“That’s exactly what we need to talk about”, you mumbled. “Can we do that another day? I’m really tired from studying and training all day.” your boyfriend said, a little annoyance creeping into his voice.

You shook your head and commented reproachfully: “You always say that, you always push it to another day, and never come back to it.”

“Y/n please, I can’t be running after you all the time. I have a future to think about.”, Iwa said, rolling his eyes.

“Am I not part of that future?”, you said quietly.

“That’s not what I said.”, Iwa turned to look at you now, brows furrowed in annoyance. “Besides how would I know? A lot can happen in a few years.”

That was the last straw.

“Is it always going to be like this from now on?” You raised your voice a little. “You’ve been to California once and suddenly you treat me as if I was not a part of that life you’re building.”

Irritated, Iwa asked: “What do you mean?”

“What is it going to be like when you actually move overseas? Are you excepting me to come? Or to wait? Did you ever pause to ask me what I needed from this relationship?”, you continued, your mouth spilling all the questions you’ve been bottling up unconsciously.

“You can do whatever the hell you want, I don’t expect anything from you. What is this even all about?”, Iwa asked, now furious.

“So, you’re not counting me in when you plan the next few years?”, you asked, your mouth staying open, expressing disbelief.

“Is this about my friend from California? Are you actually jealous?”, Iwa threw his hands in the air, an exasperated sigh leaving him. “Hajime are you even listening to me?”, you raised your voice even more.

The next hours were spent engaging in a screaming match, trading question after question. Accusation after accusation. That is until Iwaizumi exclaimed: “I don’t want to be thinking about this kind of stuff, it only creates unnecessary drama. I want to have a good time abroad and not be bothered by doubts and questions.”

The silence that followed was deafening, almost threatening. The couple was staring at each other, panting until you finally put your worst fear into words: “Does this mean it’s over?”

Iwaizumi let out a deep breath, pinched the bridge of his nose and suggested: “Let’s cool down first, then talk about this when we’re not in this hectic state.”

You scoffed: “That’s always your solution, cool down, hope we forget about it and move on.”

When your boyfriend looked away, you shook your head and continued: “We can’t keep it up like this. We’re not avoiding the heartbreak; we’re dragging it on until it gets unbearable and destroys us. If you’re not planning to have a future with me, I’d rather we end it now.”

Iwaizumi brushed his hands over his face and said: “No, that’s not true. I want to be with you, I love you. I’m sorry, I really am. I’ll try and do better. But please stop talking about breakups.” His eyes started glistening when you lowered yours. “We were okay until now, weren’t we? I love you y/n. I want a future with you.”

“We’re not okay, we haven’t been okay for a while and you ignoring that is part of the problem.” You sat down on the chair at your vanity. Iwaizumi crossed the room to crouch in front of you and took one of your hands in both of his. He brushed his thumb over your knuckles and whispered desperately: “I’ll fix it, I promise.”

“How did you go from screaming at me, making excuses about being too busy for me, to making such a promise? You can’t blame me if I find it hard to believe. Look at how trying to talk about our needs escalated.”, a soft sob escaped your lips before you continued, your voice pained: “Can’t you see how much has changed? You’re putting something else first Hajime.”

Iwaizumi stared at you for a while, thoughts in unbearable chaos, then nodded, stood up and turned his back to you. “Then I guess I’m not able to give you what you need from this relationship.” When you didn’t respond he dropped his gaze to the floor and said: “I’m sorry.”

“This is the end then.”, You said tiredly. Iwa didn’t turn to look at you, he couldn’t even dare to say anything as he didn’t want you to hear the brokenness of his soul. You took a bag out of the closet, filled it up with some essentials all while tears were running down your face. Iwaizumi didn’t move the whole time. When you were about to walk past him, you reached out to put a hand on his back. You felt his shoulders tremble ever so slightly, the one thing revealing how he really felt about this turn of events and whispered: “I’ll be at a hotel. I’ll come get the rest of my stuff when I find a new place.” You proceeded to walk away, but a strong hand grabbed your wrist, keeping you from disappearing forever for just a moment longer. When you turned to look at your now ex-boyfriend you saw a face streaked with tears, bloodshot eyes and trembling lips.

“I never wanted it to end this way. I want you to know that. Please never forget that.”, he whispered desperately. You gathered the last of your strength and nodded. He then released your arm, letting your walk away. When he heard the front door closing, Iwaizumi knew he had lost you forever. Not only his lover, but his best friend, his best supporter and maybe even the love of his life.

[natsukashii-journal]

Time worth wasting

Akaashi Keiji x reader 

Fluff

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Akaashi Keji didn’t develop crushes. He’s far too busy with school and volleyball to even think about relationships. While handling Bokuto’s frequent mood swings takes up most of his time, he doesn’t get the chance to develop real feelings beyond friendship for someone at this point in his life. However, the deciding factor for the lack of romance in his youth is that Akaashi is far too realistic to believe that one could find real love at seventeen and anything less than that doesn’t interest him. So, when he first saw the girl who got his heartrate to rise with just a look, he shrugged it off, blaming your dashing smile and beautiful exterior for the unwelcome reaction. He was still a human teenage boy after all.

It had been the first training camp in Tokyo that Karasuno attended. Before their arrival, the hottest topic between some of their teammates was the fact that Karasuno did not only have a hot manager, but they were also accompanied by their co-coach’s cousin, who was no other than y/n y/l/n, current number one wing spiker in the Japanese Women’s Volleyball Youth League. He heard that you were taking frequent breaks from training with your team due to health issues and agreed to help out the Karasuno volleyball club in order to stay in shape for your eventual comeback.

Of course, Akaashi knew you. You’ve been known throughout your whole High School Volleyball Career, as you transferred from an American High School when your parents moved to Japan. The school that you went to was a local Tokyo High School, the Okamisawa. He never met you in person, but during the spring tourney in the previous year, Akaashi had seen you play. Your form and your technique were impressive. It was clear to see that you played on a whole different level than any of the girls and maybe most of the boys your age. You transformed every ball that was set to you into a lethal weapon, while elegantly scheming your way around any defense tactics the opposing team had and not allowing yours to break. He admired you, that was for sure and that day he saw you play he couldn’t help but imagine how it would be to play on your team, to guide the ball into your delicate yet dangerous hands. Usually, the setter is the one to control the game play, however in your case, it seemed as if you were the sovereign your teammates followed, as if each ball was served on a silver platter, trusting that the queen would lead her people. That was the first time that Akaashi longed to look at someone, to be close to someone. Even though your grace was intimidating, he couldn’t help but wish for more. Naturally, he didn’t think that this was qualified as a first spark that could ignite feelings he’d never felt before. When they left the gymnasium in Tokyo that day, you left an impression, but little did he know that this seemingly insignificant admiration would be the cause of something similar to a butterfly effect.

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When Karasuno finally arrived, they were received by Nekoma’s coaches and captain. They were given some time to settle in and were then shown around the gym. That was when Akaashi saw you. He knew that you were a big presence, but he was not prepared to be taken aback by your effortless yet graceful appearance once again. Trying to focus on keeping up his usual cool demeanor, he couldn’t help but steal a few glances in your direction which thankfully went unnoticed as everyone else was already staring shamelessly. He made it a point to try his best and control his behavior around you, as he was sure you didn’t need a full gym of men gawking after you that whole weekend. As all the teams’ head coaches introduced themselves to you, Akaashi couldn’t help but notice how each time Kuroo was leading you, staying by your side when he didn’t have to play. It seemed that he was not the only one to wonder as Bokuto excitedly asked Nekoma’s captain during individual practice: “How do you know THE y/n y/l/n?” Kuroo shrugged and said nonchalantly: “Oh I forget that she’s a celebrity. Her mom and my mom were best friends, and we spent most summers together when she came to Tokyo ever since we were kids.”

“No fair! I want to be that close to her, she’s so hot.”, Bokuto whinnied. Kuroo smirked and glanced at him darkly: “Never say that in front of her. She doesn’t like to be reduced to it.” Akaashi dared to voice one of his thoughts: “Isn’t it intimidating being friends with her?” Kuroo looked up and explained proudly: “y/n is the coolest. She’s not as full of yourself as people might think and she gives great advice. You get used to her being famous after a while, you realize that she’s just one of us. She can be strict sometimes but she’s always fun to be around. Even Kenma likes talking to her.”

“If I’m that fun to be around, why not invite me to spike some of your balls?”, a melodic voice coming from the gym entrance interrupted their conversation.

Instantly Kuroo started blushing furiously, realizing that he was caught in an embarrassing moment. “Hey, hey, hey! So, you decided to join the cool crew.”, Bokuto piped shamelessly. You laughed at his words, a sound of airy and soft tones escaping your lips before saying: “I’m just tired of polite conversation and people looking at me as if I had two heads. I knew that wherever Kuroo would be, was the most normal. So, could I join?”

“Let’s go then kitten. You join Akaashi and Konoha. Bokuto, Lev and I will go up against you”, Kuroo said to your which made You blush a little at the mention of your old nickname. You went up to the Fukurodani players and said with a smile: “Hope that’s okay for you.”

“Sure, that’s no problem.”, Akaashi replied trying to keep his voice as nonchalant as possible. The look Kuroo and Konoha gave him made him realize that he was trying a little too hard which made him seem out of character. He made a mental note to relax and hoped that no one would bring his forced behavior up at dinner. The first ball was served by Lev, which Konoha bumped with ease, sending it to Akaashi.

This was it, something Akaashi had written off as wishful thinking was about to happen. He suddenly thought back to the game he watched a year ago, how Okamisawa’s setter put the ball up high and close to the net. Before he registered it, his body moved as of its own free will as he watched you jump, your back arched elegantly and your arm swinging abruptly to hit the ball angling it in the opposite direction of where the three tallest people of the whole gym tried to block you. Your wicked cut shot seemed so effortless, that everyone had to take a moment and realize what just happened. “That was a very nice set. You put it up the way I like it best.”, You said smiling at Akaashi. Forgetting himself, he immediately started blushing, stuttering his thanks. Now even Bokuto and Lev stared at his unusual response, making him curse in his head. He’s never going to hear the end of this.

For the rest of the short game, the only things Akaashi said were the last names of his current teammates. They cut of the set at 15 to 11 as it was getting late, and they were told to get something to eat at the cafeteria before it closes. When they left the gym, you turned to the setter and his teammates saying: “That was a good game, thank you for letting me join. But please, just call me y/n from now on.” Bokuto’s eyes started sparkling and he kept on going about how you hit perfect balls each time even if he set it up for you. “You and Akaashi had great chemistry from the get-go, that almost made me jealous to be honest.”, he pouted which once again stole a laugh out of you. You nodded and said: “That seems to be a talent of his, synching up to new people that quickly.” Kuroo shook his head and smirked: “I don’t think so, it’s just you I guess.” Akaashi was glad that it was already dark outside, and his red cheeks were camouflaged by the lack of contrast as he said: “You kept hitting each ball flawlessly, I believe it had nothing to do with my setting.” You turned to look at him and said in a serious tone: “Don’t play yourself down like that. You’re good. Own it.”

At dinner you joined Karasuno, sitting down next to Sugawara listening to him as he was talking about how their training went. He asked you where you went during solitary practice and you explained that you played a small three-against-three match with Kuroo and the others.

On the other side of the cafeteria, Kuroo sat down in front of Bokuto, with Yaku joining him. They sat in silence for a few moments, which developed into an awkward contest between Kuroo staring and Akaashi avoiding his gaze. “Why so shy Akaashi?”, Bokuto called out clapping on his back. “Oh man, did I miss something? This half-staring contest seems way too intense.”, Yaku said nervously. Kuroo started smirking his signature half-smile and explained: “I believe someone has developed a crush.” Akaashi felt the heat rising to his face and started stuttering: “I did not, I just got flustered playing with one of the top players in Japan. Nothing else.” Bokuto put his hand up to his chin, thinking: “But you already do that on a daily basis Akaashi, and you never get flustered around me.” Now Konoha was chuckling and said: “Last time I checked, you don’t qualify as being a beautiful woman.” Bokuto seemed to take this comment as an insult, as he complained: “But I am beautiful, am I not Akaashi?” The setter sighed and said: “Yes you are Bokuto, the most beautiful.” The ace nodded solemnly at the assurance and then continued: “But I understand your admiration for y/n-san. She is impressive.” Konoha laughed out loud: “If I didn’t know for sure that Akaashi didn’t develop crushes, I would honestly have thought he might have fallen in love with her. I mean who could blame him, just look at her.” At his words, everyone within earshot turned to look in the direction where you were chatting with Ennoshita, laughing, and smiling sweetly, brushing your hair behind your ear.

They seemed to stare for a little too long when Yaku finally interrupted their daydream: “What do you mean with ‘Akaashi doesn’t develop crushes? I mean everybody does.” Konoha shook his head and said: “Akaashi rejects every girl that tries to get close to him or he simply doesn’t notice. It’s just his thing.” “You make it sound as if girls come up to me confessing on a regular basis. I just don’t have time to think about this stuff right now. Could we now please stop talking about me and my supposed feelings, I’m not some kind of entertainment.” Kuroo smirked and said: “Alright, but if you ever decide to act up on this ‘I was just flustered, not really a crush’, let me know. I might be able to help.”

“That’s never going to happen. Thanks, but no thanks.”, Akaashi said coldly.