12/7/2018: This post will go over the details of what happened along with many new accusations surrounding my work (points 1-5) and me (6-12):
1. Tumblr users who donât know TSERâs work claimed Iâm the âExecutive Directorâ of the organization. We do not have an ED position. I have actually been in a background advisory role at TSER for the past year because I am close to aging out of the programming. This has been my plan for years. I rarely work with the people there directly aside from TSERâs staff online these days. Iâve opted to focus more on grad school than organizing. The staff and board are aware of all the talk against me. As I am aging out, we have plans in place for my position to be split into several to ensure organizational sustainability anyway. My main goal is to train younger leaders to take over my work. We will then abolish anything resembling a singular directorial position. Fearmongering that Iâm putting âchildren at riskâ is ridiculous on so many levels. Nobody who Iâve ever met has claimed Iâm a pedophile and this is eerily reminiscent of anti-gay attacks from the 1980âs.
2. I do not and have never accepted payment from TSER. All of my work is volunteer. TERFs are trying to claim that Iâm exploiting money from the community while attempting to get TSERâs funding pulled in the process. Thankfully they have not succeeded. The organizationâs funding goes to the paid staff salaries and TSERâs programming costs. 90% of the paid staff are trans youth of color (I bring this up to address false claims that this money is going to white trans people).
3. Yes, Iâm actually getting death threats. I have seen posts and messages calling for me to be shot, hanged, mutilated, raped, and killed this past week. Iâm appalled this is even called into question, you can look them up yourself. Because they contain identifying information, I wonât post them publicly here. Youâre welcome to message me for screenshots and links if youâre curious.
4. There are new vague claims that I âraped people with [my] penisâ on Twitter. I do not have a penis and have not since my mid-teens. This is anatomically impossible. Stop using individual trans women to leverage transmisogynistic claims.
5. Thereâs an allegation that I removed someone from a queer event I hosted months ago. To my knowledge, no one was removed from this event. If they were, it wasnât by my request. I do not recognize the person who made the accusation but I do know theyâre misgendering me and openly a TERF. This series of tweets has hundreds likes and includes a slew of bizarre accusations against me.
6. I saw a post claiming that I was found guilty in a Title IX case against me in college. This is incorrect. I began making a Title IX complaint against my main accuser (DD) in August 2016. DD then filed one against me in retaliation with accusations from 2013. The case against me lasted months and concluded that their accusations had no merit. Pitzerâs Title IX office has a reputation for being strong. It has expelled several students before. Although, I always want to cast doubt on these procedures as they have historically failed our communities. As DD already graduated and I was graduating in a few weeks, I saw no reason to move forward with the case against them. I now regret this as I have screenshots of DD attempting to coerce me into sexual acts with them. However, all my college could do was involve police when they entered campus. I reject the use of police in any of these situations.
7. Now for the more heavy claim that I take very seriously: two other people (TLB and M) have appeared on Twitter with allegations that I cannot ensure are false. The one of them that I recognize (TLB) is one of my main accuser (DD)âs closest friends. They state I added an additional finger into them without consent in Winter 2014, when I was 19. There are many important details they left out of the post. First, the post was written by DD, which you can easily tell based on the distinctive language. The writing style does not match that of the person making the claims. It was also written 1 day after DD regained access to their Facebook in 2016. I donât bring this up to discredit them but do think you deserve to know the circumstances.
I want to give more context as to why I havenât addressed this claim. This is the first time Iâve seen the full post too. I was not aware of the seriousness of the accusations. I am familiar with this individual using the language of âdiscomfortâ around that night from my 2016 Title IX case when DD brought them in to bolster their narrative. I believe this is why DD wrote the post at that time. I have not heard âassaultâ until now, 4 years later.
TLBâs post left out two more crucial details that change their story: (1) my main accuser, DD, was involved in this interaction and (2) TLB explicitly told us that if they were penetrated, they would likely bleed because they had sex with someone else earlier that day. They consented to penetration recognizing this likelihood but did not knowingly consent to the additional finger being added. This does not make it their fault - the fault is all my own. TLB does not contest these above-mentioned crucial points yet still omitted them from their post.
TLB claims everything was consensual except that I âintentionallyâ (in their words) added another finger without asking. I recall this interaction because I felt terrible about making them bleed afterward. I asked, âIs this okay?â while gesturing to adding another finger. TLB replied, âyeah.â I then noticed there was a small amount of blood on my hand, commented that they were bleeding, and immediately stopped. It was all within a matter of seconds. DD loves to focus of gross, graphic details and fixated on this while writing TLBâs post. Afterwards, as TLB mention, I comforted them and profusely apologized. In retrospect, I now realize TLB may have understood âis this okay?â to be a check-in rather than asking for permission. It is likely they didnât see what I gestured to. The event was not intentional but intent is not the same as impact. Since I learned about their discomfort years ago, I made sure to explicitly state what Iâm doing and track the individualâs eyes when I ask for consent. I want to fully recognize that consent without knowledge of whatâs happening to oneâs body isnât truly consent. I believe TLBâs post is truthful, although the way DD wrote it leaves out crucial details about the interaction.
8. The second new person (M) I do not recognize and would appreciate if they could reach out to me or find a mediator to speak. I am happy to find a neutral party if possible. If their vague accusations are true, I want to be accountable in whatever way is appropriate. However, I cannot do this without knowing any of the details about this serious claim. I do not know if I have met them before or the exact nature of their accusation.
9. Next, I want this to turn into a discussion about consent. Because TLBâs accusation is based on a shift in what we were doing, I want to ask if youâve asked consent and verbally confirmed with every person youâve interacted with before for every change in what you were doing? Did you ensure that they knew exactly what you were asking? Did you ask when you shifted positions? If youâre sexually active, you almost certainly havenât 100% of the time. This is not an excuse to avoid asking consent. Itâs not a dismissal of how much harm breaching consent can do to someone. Itâs a request for all of us to do better, something I have actively worked on since the events when I was a teenager. Consent is required every time. Making sure your partner(s) understand what youâre asking is too. I want to shine light onto the details and be accountable for where I made mistakes, in not checking in explicitly enough. I cannot confirm this person understood what I was asking and I believe their post.
10. Being involved in transformative justice organizing in queer/trans/feminist spaces also brings up many more questions. I have been sexually assaulted and raped by multiple people in the past. I have never gone public about any of these accusations aside from DD, and have instead sent these individuals information to hold themselves accountable. Perhaps I have too much faith in them. But I have seen concrete changes in some. I know at least one has received a separate callout post, which has simply pushed them into a different city to continue causing harm. I do not believe any of these individuals, including DD, are disposable. Disposability is the only result of this form of calling out. Accountability for them means education and dialogue to ensure they never cause harm again. It does not mean killing them. It also does not necessarily mean forgiveness either, which is not what I ask for.
I am disappointed in seeing Twitter users claiming to be ârestorative justice feministsâ then calling for my murder/exclusion without any of this context. Forcing people who have caused harm into different spaces away from you will just cause harm in the new spaces. I have seen this in people who have assaulted me and my friends who have been accused of assault. I strive to hold my friends accountable when I see them mess up just as I hope they will do for me.
In my own case, is adding an additional finger without the person being aware of what I was asking enough to call for my death, unemployment, or excommunication from all community spaces? Does it mean Iâm a danger to those around me? None of this is an excuse or minimization for how TLB must feel. However, for the sake of the people who have assaulted me, my community, and myself, it is a plea to find ways of holding one another accountable without death threats, dehumanization, or objectification. Anyone is capable of causing harm, even you.
11. Speaking of different forms of accountability, I have actually taken up all the requests from my main accuser, DD, whether because I believe them entirely (as is the case in their claims of ableism - I took classes on disability); because I want to do my due diligence (attending several comprehensive educational courses on consent and years of therapy); or simply by coincidence (aging out of TSER). DD even suggested I enter academia (as shown in their screenshots), which I enjoy and will continue to be a part of. Claiming I shouldnât be here is actually against the requests of DD. I am sorry to DD and TLB for harm I have caused them. But âsorryâ will never cut it. This is why I have taken these years of additional measures. I have not heard any claims against me following consent trainings. I have confirmed with my institutions there were no complaints against me since then.
12. Finally, there are two main points in this post: (1) Donât believe everything you read on the internet. You need to do your due diligence before sharing any callout posts with limited context, especially against trans women and organizers. The burden of proof should fall on the accused (me) in cases of sexual violence, which I have provided in detail in both this and in my previous posts. (2) My existence isnât putting anyone in danger. The rhetoric of âsafetyâ that merely tries to remove someone from a space without investigation is dangerous. Despite what you may believe, you have family members, friends, teachers, colleagues, and authority figures who have assaulted people before. It does not reflect who they are. What does is how they respond to it. I have taken steps toward accountability processes for years since these events when I was a teenager, which I have not seen mentioned in the callout posts. Responses to these actions that call for my murder or excommunication ignore the requests of the accusers. I will continue to take further steps as I learn new information. I will find new steps to ensure accountability and have already reached out to community members who can facilitate this.
As always, you can message me for more information. I have links, screenshots, and more. Click here for my original response to DD. If you have more information I should add to this post, please let me know.
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