取り除く

H O L I E S T yamato from naruto est. dec 2016

[neoyorzapoteca]

SOMETHING BRIGHT, THEN HOLES I used to do this, the self I was used to do this the selves I no longer am nor understand. Something bright, then holes is how a girl, newly-sighted, once described a hand. I reread your letters, and remember correctly: you wanted to eat through me. Then fall asleep with your tongue against an organ, quiet enough to hear it kick. Learn everything there is to know about loving someone then walk away, coolly I’m not ashamed Love is large and monstrous Never again will I be so blind, so ungenerous O bright snatches of flesh, blue and pink, then four dark furrows, four funnels, leading into an infinite ditch The heart, too, is porous; I lost the water you poured into it

Maggie Nelson (Four Poems - BOMB Magazine)

[nedzuita]

I got nothing. This blog will be on hiatus for a few days while I try to dig my Yamato muse out of his grave.

[nedzuita]

Yamato’s sleep schedule is totally fucked and by that I mean he is typically awake for about 13-14 hours and then sleeps for 4-6 hours and then is awake again for another 13-14. Yes he’s going to bed at 3pm today. Yes he woke up at midnight. Yes he’ll go to bed at 8am later in the week. Yes he will also go to bed at 10pm later in the week but he will be up by 3am.

He tends to sleep pretty well when he does— dreams rarely feature and when they do they tend to be nonsensical and don’t bother him much if he even remembers them.

[nedzuita]

write a letter to your inner child and tell them what you’ve bloomed into

     a  poppy,  for  remembrance. 

"through the dancing poppies stole a breeze most softly lulling to my soul." — john keats, endymion (1818), book I, line 565. — you seem to mourn your past, as your inner child has died. you've been through your battles yet still have an immense amount of hope for the future. a yearning for peace of mind is what you have when you try to look for the sparks you've once felt in your life. but remember, you will no longer have to fight or defend yourself after you grow in a field where the vibrance of your petals are accepted.

tagged by @icecurse​

tagging @kahenn​ @formerfool​ @fistsbled​ @amegatari​ and anyone else 

[catasters]

[matemisho]

Thorsty

[mattefier-deactivated20221118]

S C L O R M P

[rpmemetic]

✯ A SONG OF ICE AND FIRE SENTENCES / PART TWO

↪ A list of SENTENCES from George R. R. Martin’s novel A Game of Thrones, to be used and changed however you see fit. possible trigger WARNINGS for violent and sexual content, profanity, and alcohol.

↪ All parts can be found here.

❝ mercy is never a mistake. ❞ ❝ i will not kill a man for loyalty, nor for fighting well. ❞ ❝ poison is a coward’s weapon. ❞ ❝ the man who passes the sentence should swing the sword. ❞ ❝ your home is in my heart. ❞ ❝ a woman can rule as wisely as a man. ❞ ❝ if you’re planning to make us climb that mountain in the dark, i’d rather you kill me here. ❞ ❝ love is sweet, dearest ____, but it cannot change a man’s nature. ❞ ❝ i was promised a crown, and i mean to have it. ❞ ❝ i promise you, whatever might happen, i will not let this be forgotten. ❞ ❝ put down your steel now, and i promise you shall have a quick and painless death. ❞ ❝ a dead enemy is a thing of beauty. ❞ ❝ come to think on it, i’m not hungry after all. ❞ ❝ i beg you to remember, this man is my prisoner. i will not have him harmed. ❞ ❝ a man in your place should count himself fortunate that his head is still on his shoulders. ❞ ❝ i shall wear this as a badge of honor. ❞ ❝ how do you fight someone if you can’t hit them? ❞ ❝ can i make him fly? i want to see him fly. ❞ ❝ i am so happy for you all. ❞ ❝ listen to the crow call the raven black. ❞ ❝ aren’t you going to eat those? ❞ ❝ he’s frightened. we’re leaving him. ❞ ❝ i can stand here all night if i must. ❞ ❝ without us to keep him safe, ____ will have no chance. ❞ ❝ your mind is as deft as your blade, it would seem. ❞ ❝ it was your blade i needed, not your love. ❞ ❝ do i look a liar to you? ❞ ❝ life is not a song, sweetling. you may learn that one day to your sorrow. ❞ ❝ pain is a gift from the gods. it means the bone is knitting, the flesh healing itself. be thankful. ❞ ❝ a thousand other women might have loved him with all their hearts. what did he do to make you hate him so? ❞ ❝ i do not know which of you i pity most. ❞ ❝ a true man does what he will, not what he must. ❞ ❝ i have made more mistakes than you can possibly imagine, but that was not one of them. ❞ ❝ when you play the game of thrones, you win or you die. there is no middle ground. ❞ ❝ no one may carry a blade here or shed a man’s blood. ❞ ❝ he should have them. he does not need to steal them. he had only to ask. ❞ ❝ he was the only one left. the only one. he is all i have. ❞ ❝ i’m here for the feast. ❞ ❝ that was all i wanted. what was promised. ❞ ❝ he was no dragon. fire cannot kill a dragon. ❞ ❝ damn you, ____. why do you always have to be so headstrong? ❞ ❝ ah, fuck you, ____, i killed the bastard, didn’t i? ❞ ❝ paper and ink. there, on the table. write what i tell you. ❞ ❝ you must not do this. don’t die on me. the realm needs you. ❞ ❝ i shall… guard your children as if they were my own. ❞ ❝ even the truest knight cannot protect a king against himself. ❞ ❝ children are so vulnerable in the innocence of their youth, how well do i remember. ❞ ❝ excellent. you’re learning. ❞ ❝ have you no shred of honor? ❞ ❝ ____ is no friend of yours, nor of mine. ❞ ❝ you’ll need someone to share your burdens. i assure you, my price would be modest. ❞ ❝ they follow the man who pays them. ❞ ❝ you wear your honor like a suit of armor, ____. you think it keeps you safe, but all it does is weigh you down and make it hard for you to move. ❞

[velvetys]

Senpai you’re looking ugly as hell is there something wrong with you?

[ninnekomata]

@nedzuita |  ❝ tell me about your day. ❞

—–

“Well,” he begins, neatly setting himself on the other’s shoulders, uncaring that to do so he has knocked the other’s face guard and headband askew, and seriously mussed up already un-styled hair. “It was going pretty well for most of the morning. And then the strangest thing happened; couldn’t believe it when it happened! You see-”

“I was walking along, enjoying the day, and a tree started talking to me. Big tall thing, up and moving around like it was nothing. Then it had the audacity to ask me questions! Questioned me about my day and everything! So of course I sat on it in retribution.”

Idly, he flicks his tail in the other’s face, further pushing Yamato’s faceguard out of position. feline face splits into an approximation of a grin.

“I’m sure you can agree I got the last laugh on that over grown shrub!”

[nedzuita]

          Ronin kind of reminds him of Kakashi. 

     He wonders if either of them might be offended were he to make the comparison aloud-- and finds he doesn’t much care whether they would or not, because he’s a little too busy trying to straighten his armor without dislodging the cantankerous old cat. 

     Not that it matters, Ronin’s tail is quite strong. He supposes it’s to be expected. Still, practice with dealing with all of Kakashi’s annoying bullshit allows him to keep his cool, keep a lid on the mild irritation that bubbles in his gut-- it’s easier to focus on the amusement, and so he lets a smile slip across his face instead. 

     “Oh, I’m sure you got him good,” he demurs, reaching up to settle a palm right over the top of Ronin’s ears. Rub rub. Could he lose a hand? Sure. But Yamato fears nothing, not even death, not even the wrath of a cat-spirit-ninja that may or may not be enthusiastic with his claws and his teeth. “How dare he be interested in anything about you, hm? Perhaps he learned not to ask after you at all.” 

[gdbot]

[daddystrangetm]

𝑇𝐴𝑌𝐿𝑂𝑅 𝑆𝑊𝐼𝐹𝑇 -  ’ 𝑓𝑜𝑙𝑘𝑙𝑜𝑟𝑒 ‘ 

Below is a collection of lyric starters taken from Taylor Swift’s eighth album ‘folklore’.

The album holds references to: sex, alcohol, blood, depression, warfare, toxic relationships, medical failure, death as well as lines that could be taken as suicidal thoughts and parental abuse — so please be mindful if you are sensitive to these subjects. All lyrics are posted as written on the album, but feel free to change pronouns or words to fit your purposes.

i’m doing good, i’m on some new shit.

i thought I saw you at the bus stop

the greatest films of all time were never made

if you wanted me, you really should’ve showed

we were something, don’t you think so?

if my wishes came true, it would’ve been you

in my defense, i have none for never leaving well enough alone

it would’ve been fun if you would’ve been the one

you know the greatest loves of all time are over now 

if one thing had been different would everything be different today? 

when you are young, they assume you know nothing 

i felt like I was an old cardigan 

a friend to all is a friend to none 

to kiss in cars and downtown bars was all we needed 

you drew stars around my scars but now I’m bleedin' 

i knew you’d haunt all of my what-ifs 

cause i knew everything when I was young

i knew i’d curse you for the longest time 

i knew you’d miss me once the thrill expired and you’d be standin’ in my front porch light 

i knew you’d come back to me 

the wedding was charming, if a little gauche

there goes the maddest woman this town has ever seen 

who knows, if she never showed up, what could’ve been 

she had a marvelous time ruining everything 

there goes the most shameless woman this town has ever seen 

i had a marvelous time ruining everything 

i can see you standing, honey, with his arms around your body 

it took you five whole minutes to pack us up and leave me with it

you were my town, now I’m in exile 

i can see you starin’, honey, like he’s just your understudy 

I’m not your problem anymore, so who am i offending now? 

there is no amount of crying i can do for you 

you didn’t even hear me out

you didn’t even see the signs 

cause you never gave a warning sign 

i gave so many signs

if I’m on fire, you'll be made of ashes, too 

even on my worst day, did i deserve, babe, all the hell you gave me? 

cause i loved you, i swear i loved you til my dying day 

i didn’t have it in myself to go with grace 

if I’m dead to you, why are you at the wake? 

you wear the same jewels that i gave you as you bury me 

you know i didn’t want to have to haunt you 

when i’d fight, you used to tell me i was brave 

and i can go anywhere i want just not home 

you can aim for my heart, go for blood but you would still miss me in your bones 

you had to kill me, but it killed you just the same 

i’ll show you every version of yourself tonight 

i want you to know i’m a mirrorball, i can change everything about me to fit in 

i’m still a believer, but i don’t know why 

are there still beautiful things? 

and though i can’t recall your face i still got love for you 

love you to the moon and to saturn 

i think your house is haunted. your dad is always mad and that must be why 

i think you should come live with me 

never have i ever before

will you call when you’re back at school?

i remember thinkin’ i had you 

for me, it was enough to live for the hope of it all 

so much for summer love

you weren’t mine to lose

i can see us twisted in bed sheets 

i’ve been having a hard time adjusting 

i didn't know if you’d care if i came back 

i just wanted you to know that this is me trying 

pulled the car off the road to the lookout, could’ve followed my fears all the way down 

they told me all of my cages were mental, so i got wasted like all my potential 

my words shoot to kill when i’m mad, i have a lot of regrets about that 

it’s hard to be at a party when i feel like an open wound 

that’s the thing about illicit affairs and clandestine meetings and longing stares, it’s born from just one single glance but it dies a million little times

you showed me colors you know i can’t see with anyone else 

don’t call me “kid,”

don’t call me “baby”

you taught me a secret language i can’t speak with anyone else 

you know damn well, for you, i would ruin myself a million little times 

were there clues i didn’t see? 

isn’t it just so pretty to think all along there was some invisible string, tying you to me?

time cutting me open, then healing me fine 

what did you think i’d say to that? 

fuck you forever

every time you call me crazy, i get more crazy 

when you say i seem angry, i get more angry 

it’s obvious that wanting me dead has really brought you two together 

i’m taking my time cause you took everything from me 

sir, i think he’s bleeding out

you dream of some epiphany, just one single glimpse of relief to make some sense of what you’ve seen 

doc, i think she’s crashing out

some things you just can’t speak about 

i won’t make assumptions about why you switched your homeroom but i think it’s ‘cause of me 

the worst thing that i ever did was what i did to you 

would you trust me if i told you it was just a summer thing? 

i don’t know anything but i know i miss you 

if i just showed up at your party, would you have me? 

our coming-of-age has come and gone 

i never had the courage of my convictions 

i could never give you peace 

i’m a fire and i'll keep your brittle heart warm if your cascade, ocean wave blues come 

all these people think love’s for show but i would die for you in secret 

would it be enough if i could never give you peace? 

your integrity makes me seem small 

i’d give you my sunshine, give you my best but the rain is always gonna come if you’re standin’ with me 

you know i left a part of me back in new york 

you knew the hero died so what’s the movie for? 

darling, this was just as hard as when they pulled me apart 

don’t want no other shade of blue but you. no other sadness in the world would do

[nedzuita]

Yamato’s mythology is that he’s a himbo

[onlinecounsellingcollege]

“So, if you are too tired to speak, sit next to me because I, too, am fluent in silence.”

— R. Arnold

[nedzuita]

“do you ever think--” no <3

[nedzuita]

subject 0001483 was sold to orochimaru as a clump of cells and grown in an artificial womb in a dark room underground. it was one of the many experiments being run that was meant to see if implanting a fetus with hashirama’s cells might be more successful than other, previous subjects– adults, children, and babies. 

all subject 0001483 knows for a very long time is that stasis chamber, floating and drowning and surviving– the moments when it’s removed being filled with excruciating pain, and then being placed back into the chamber. when orochimaru ‘abandons’ the lab and his experiments (read: finally gets busted and has to flee konoha without taking anything with him), subject 0001483, aged four, remains in the stasis chamber and watches as the rest of the ‘failed’ experiments wither and die around it. 

it takes about six months for the lab to be discovered. subject 0001483 grows weaker and weaker and its vision dims and beating its tiny fists against the glass has no effect so why bother but– 

it is four years old when the wren mask pulls it out of the stasis tube and carries it by the wrist to set it at shimura danzo’s feet. this is called a rescue. it is given the name kinoe and it is told this: it had been abandoned by orochimaru, the torturer and the caretaker, because it had been considered a failure. it had been left alone because it hadn’t been good enough, useful enough, successful enough to be deemed worthy of either a life or a swift death. 

kinoe swears to himself that he will not allow himself to be a failure again. danzo will not abandon him too. 

he learns he wasn’t so unsuccessful as an experiment soon after, once he begins being able to mold chakra and it’s discovered that he is able to use mokuton. training begins immediately, and a year or so later he is placed on active duty as a ROOT member at the age of six, mostly serving as Danzo’s personal bodyguard and errand boy, one of the old man’s best soldiers. 

kinoe is eleven when he meets hatake kakashi for the first time, teaming up and learning the power of friendship and love and discovering the possibility of family. he is not yet tenzo, but he isn’t quite kinoe anymore either. 

two more years in service to danzo warps him again and he hates hatake kakashi for lying to him about the meaning of friendship, and then he hates hatake kakashi for telling him the truth about the meaning of friendship too. kakashi drags him out of ROOT almost kicking and screaming. tenzo is thirteen when kakashi puts him on team ro and takes to guarding him from danzo and the old man’s ilk an enablers like a particularly unkind mutt. he is thirteen when he meets hayate and genma and gets tree-napped rather forcefully into the most normal life he can lead.

tenzo is fifteen when he meets shisui. sixteen when he meets itachi and sasuke and mikoto and learns what family and loyalty and love mean to others. he is nineteen when shisui dies and he’s twenty when the uchiha are massacred and he’s twenty one when kakashi almost bites it and all he learns from these things is this: loyalty is hard earned and harder lost. 

he learns that some people deserve to die and you still can’t quite make yourself swing the sword. he learns that he is tired and he wants to keep the little he’s managed to scrounge together. 

[shiranuigenma]

kinoe for anon.

[nedzuita]

😈

     😈 Jump out of the shadows to scare/startle my muse

     The green tea in his to-go cup is exceptional today-- the woman from the shop on the corner near the ANBU building had said the leaves were off a fresh shipment from the land of Tea, aptly named. Whether or not she’d been telling him the truth matters little, because it’s obscenely delicious. Strong flavor, delicate hints of orange and some kind of spice-- it’s still a little too hot to truly savor but the sips of the beverage he’s managed so far are certainly good enough to warrant the frankly outrageous price he’d paid for it. 

     He’s drawing it up to his face to take another one of those too-hot sips when there’s a flash of yellow from the corner, and he leaps back without a sound, a knife coming to his empty palm even as his other fist closes around the flimsy cardboard and crushes the cup of hot tea, spilling it everywhere. 

     Once Tenzo realizes just what-- and who-- it is jumping out at him, he allows his shoulders to slump with a long, mournful sigh. The tea is splattered on the ground, hot on his hand, and he thinks about maybe trying to lick some of the dregs off his fingers but... ugh. Ugh. “Miki,” he greets, trying and failing to keep the whine out of his voice. “I paid six dollars for that. It was really good.” 

          No comment on her leaping out at people to startle them-- she’s a ninja in a ninja village, she knows the risks. 

@kahenn   ///   but here in the fields there's not a thing growing. maybe next year, ya know, there is a way of knowing.

[moonsdying]

Yamato leans down and presses his face against the nape of his neck and Squeezes him around the waist just a little bit with a long sigh.

the house seems quieter than usual. which is weird, considering the fact that yamato isn't necessarily gone any more or less than he's ever been, but it feels different, with him being suddenly tasked with leading team seven. he's no longer much of a shadow, but hayate supposes it isn't as easy as usual to remain hidden, especially around people like naruto and sakura. the thought brings a small, tired smile to his face, and he wonders if they'll be as good for yamato as they have been for kakashi.

getting lost in his thoughts is a certainty when his hands glide across the counter, chopping vegetables and chicken to add to the large bowl of lettuce and spinach set off to the side. cooking has always been a pastime for hayate, even moreso now that he actually has people he can feed, and though conflicting schedules have kept he and yamato apart, there's something viscerally pleasing about opening the fridge to see that yamato's been eating the lunches (and kale smoothies) prepared for him.

it's the little nods of appreciation that require no words and even less contact. hayate is assured that yamato is eating well, and — he hopes — yamato sees that even when they aren't together, hayate is thinking about him. so much so that he doesn't think twice when akino scurries toward the door.

it's probably kakashi. he's taken to coming around more often, considering there isn't much he can do while his body heals.

it isn't until hayate hears the footsteps that he realizes who it is, biting the inside of his lower lip against a smile, and he has no time to turn before yamato's forehead is resting against the back of his neck. a broad arm sweeps his waist and squeezes in a way that makes hayate feel warm all over, his own hand reaching down to squeeze yamato's wrist in return.

"mission go okay?" he asks, returning to his salad after a few moments pass, but he allows the other man to cling to him. encourages it, really. it's been nearly two weeks since the new team seven were set out follow the leads sakura had gained from her fight with sasori, and while hayate expected them back sooner, yamato doesn't sound any more than simply exhausted. he definitely must be, considering all he gets in response is a quiet sound, and hayate pauses long enough to tip his head back, resting atop yamato's own.

"let me finish here and then we can go take a shower."

on repeat in the back of my mind // @nedzuita.