I don't know what I was expecting

Zane. 31. Vancouver. BC IGN Potatocanon

[bugs-are-buddies]

I think the lipstick looks really nice actually, and maybe this was the pig's first night out in a long time.

[goodgrammaritan]

[forgamers]

[renehhh]

tumblr needs to stop calling me out

[in-hearts-affliction]

I need more tattoos I need more tattoos I need more tattoos I need more tattoos I need more tattoos I need more tattoos I need more tattoos

[cuprohastes]

Shiftshaper

Day 1 of infiltrating the crew.

One of them got too far from the group. Paralysed him and took his form.

Returned to the ship. Everyone keeps asking me where my pants are.

Day 2 of infiltrating the crew.

We have taken off. I have explained that one of the 'native lichens' made me allergic to pants. The rest of the crew seems to accept this.

Day 3 of infiltrating the crew.

I have been helping out around the ship while learning its secrets. And also trying to figure out where my quarters are supposed to be. Got it right fourth time. Managed to talk my way out of three awkward encounters.

Fourth one, not so much. I think I'm dating Crewman Eloise now.

Day 4 of infiltrating the crew.

Brought Eloise some breakfast and used my cunning skills to pump her for information.

So successful that I contrived to bring everyone else breakfast. I am a genius.

Day 5 of infiltrating the crew.

The captain keeps asking for Crewman Vitsie. They are obviously incompetent and lazy and have not responded. Captain sounds very irate. Perhaps I should find Vitsie and eat him to improve crew morale.

Day 6 of infiltrating the crew.

... I'm Crewman Vitsie. Got yelled at by the captain. Grovelled handsomely and explained that I am incompetent and lazy. I think I got away with it.

Day 7 of infiltrating the crew.

Space pirates. Why is it always space pirates?

Replicated one of them, infiltrated the ship, ate their captain. Very greasy.

Swapped back to my Vitsie disguise and pretended I snuck on board and shot the captain.

Luckily nobody asked about why I now weigh 50% more

Day 8 of infiltrating the crew.

Captain mentioned he knew I was a shiftshaper. Now hiding in an airduct. I'm not crying. That's... just... OK I might be crying. Eloise was going to put on a movie and I was really looking forward to it.

Day 9 of infiltrating the crew.

Captain has been yelling into an airvent for the last hour. They say they figured it out immediately.

Turns out Vitsie was an asshole, and they just liked me better.

NGL, feeling kind of proud.

Captain says since I saved the ship from greasy space pirates, they'll call it even if I promise not to eat any more crew.

Asked if that includes Robins from Engineering. Captains says Robins included because he's the only one who knows how to fix the toilets.

This is reasonable.

Day 10 of infiltrating the crew.

Watched "The Thing" with Eloise. Didn't sleep all night. That was terrifying!

[oddarette]

Windex Xenomorph

Windex Xenomorph 💦

[tikkety-tok]

Harsh, but I accept it I suppose.

[youkoartemis]

[Transcription: Speaker is a blue-eyed older man with dark blond hair that falls down his back, a round face, and a moustache and beard combo with some gray hairs amongst the blond. His voice is deep, and a bit choked up at points.]

“These are my red flags for women:

If she stabs me more than twice.

If she has a concerning amount of ex-husbands who died on their honeymoon, like... [a brief pause for thought] Like four or more.

If Gozer the Gozerian asks me to choose the form of the destructor and then one of my childhood crushes walks through New York City at 300 feet tall, uh, and steps on a church... [takes a breath and pauses for a second] I mean, it’s not the height! It’s not the height. I like a climb. But, like. [another breath] She stepped on a church. Or any building, really, ‘cause. [deep breath followed by a brief pause] Legally they’re not supposed to be able to ask you about that on like your homeowner’s association application, but- but they’ll ask. They’ll look it up.

If she doesn’t exist in the same physical timeline as I am... [several seconds long pause before continuing, sounding distraught] I’m not doing that again.”

[galaxywarp]

Greg Universe.

[captainjonnitkessler]

Babysitting a toddler is a lot like being the narration in a point-and-click adventure game. Watching him knock on the doors of empty rooms and saying "hmm. I don't think anyone's in there". Watching him attempt to use [spoon] on [cat] and saying "I don't think those things go together". Watching him throw a cup of water onto the floor and just commenting "the floor is wet now" when he looks up at me to see if I approve.

[the-real-seebs]

so i read this but the first time i read it, i missed a couple of key words, and i was just imagining the toddler walking around saying these things.

[jaubaius]

No way out

[bogleech]

idiot jail for ignorant beasts

[lochnutmonster]

Sisyphus

[chortlebot]

one must imagine sisyphus ouppy

[the-enchanted-little-star]

[yorgen-sh]

[sayhelloanimalfriends]

this is the first time in my life i thought oh i hope there’s music

[burntundertones]

[butt-berry]

Dragapult family (about to adopt a new sibling)

[pocket-deer-belly]

at some point in being autistic it becomes really clear that everyone wants you to come up with solutions to problems you've never been helped with

[pocket-deer-belly]

i don't know how to fix our communicative problems, you're the source of it and it's exhausting to be treated as irrational for not responding correctly to small talk, do you think you could help a disabled bitch out and not put the onus of solving the problem on me, the one who is constantly excluded and treated as a freak

[pocket-deer-belly]

and then when you point this out they're like "but we literally put up with you, could you do something for us please?" and it's like. you put up with me?

[ohcaptains]

[enyter]

[prokopetz]

It doesn't bother me when none of the houses in a fantasy or sci fi video game town have toilets. I understand that the floor plans we're seeing are simplified for gameplay purposes; the houses don't "really" have no toilets in the same way that the town's total population isn't "really" twelve people and a dog.

It does, however, bother me immensely when exactly one house in the town has a toilet. What the fuck.

[asneakyfox]

if hiphop weren't real its existence would sound like an exceptionally heavy-handed metaphor about racism from a really cringe didactic fantasy novel. yeah the racialized underclass in this society, the one that's constantly derided by the ethnic majority as stupid and anti-intellectual, they have a complex artistic tradition based around improvisational poetry which is sometimes enacted on a competitive basis for dispute resolution. you get judged based on the subtlety of your wordplay and the complexity of your internal rhyme schemes. the dominant group periodically gets mad about how this doesn't count as real art like their own objectively more simplistic music and poetry because sometimes it has swears in it

[dykepuffs]

And it isn't just a single artform, it's part of a philosophical tradition that links four accomplishments (Poetry, music, calligraphy and dance) and which uses these together to describe the practitioner's own history and the lineage of their teachers, to communicate in the present, and to tell archetypal stories which encode plans for the future.

[pinkrangerv]

Also it's like basically identical in abstract to flyting, a version the ethnic majority had in their past. The author is doing a very heavy-handed "we're all the same" metaphor.

There's a subplot where some disabled people are, because of their culture, struggling with processing this form. Later writers use this to highlight how people are shaped by their surroundings, and how it's awful the ethnic majority is basically limiting people's ability to enjoy things.

[winged-void]

does it mean a girl likes you if she builds a labyrinth around your house

[rocketdrifter]

Yes but in the way an entomologist likes a colorful beatle.

[winged-void]

[nods] she wants to fuck it. bad.