softness is not weakness

* . ⊹ private indie oc rp blog ⊹ . *

[wintcrstcrfall]

Going out with friends was always a special thing for Jeremiah because of how rarely he found the time to do it. There had been plenty of times when he'd refused or been unable to, even if it was a Friday night. It was just who he was and the jobs he had during the week and weekend left him with very little free time or energy. For Isabelle's birthday, though, he'd made the plan on his schedule weeks in advance, just to be absolutely sure he'd be able to go out and actually wouldn't fall behind. And as expected, the night was great. Most importantly - she seemed great, smiling and laughing more than she'd been in a while and the whole thing warmed his heart. She deserved it and even more, so it was a good thing to be able to give her something that would lead to a bunch of good memories. She certainly could use more of them. "Hey, it's your night. You call the shots." Jere grinned then, pretty proud of his little pun, before leaning more towards her side so he could hear her better amidst the noise. "But I got you. I'll get you one." Reaching to touch her hand resting on the table, soon after he pushed his chair backwards and rose, a soft smile on his lips. "I'll be right back. Don't do anything I wouldn't."

[needxheavenxnow]

When his pun landed, Isabelle gave him a knowing look paired with a laugh. As soon as Jeremiah was out of an earshot, their mutual friend, Anna, leaned over to her, brows raised like she’d just discovered a big secret. “What was that?” Isabelle simply looked at her completely clueless. “Didn’t you see what he just did?” Isabelle blinked, trying to figure it out like it was solving a riddle. “Who?” “Is! Are you blind? Jere just told you that he loves you without using any words. This man is hopelessly in love with you!” Still feeling lost, Isabelle shook her head, quick to deny the claim yet within seconds, her cheeks warmed with a soft blush and a nervous laugh tumbled out of her. “Love me? What… Anna, no! W-Well, yes, he loves me, like a good friend does. That’s -- It’s Jeremiah… He’s like this with everyone. It doesn’t mean --” “He’s never looked at me or anyone that way.” Innocently, Anna picked up her drink from the table, taking a drink as Isabelle sat, speechless and dumbfounded, trying to process her words. Again, she laughed, this time with a note of disbelief at such a notion. “I think you’ve had too many Long Islands. And I need to use the bathroom.” Blushing still, Isabelle rose maybe too quickly from her seat, realizing too late she was lightheaded. Jeremiah returned the moment she stood, and before she could steady herself, she stumbled forward, landing against him, her hands instinctively gripping his biceps then letting go quickly. “I-I’m fine. I need some…” Straightening herself out, she glanced past his shoulders, her gaze directly meeting Klaus from across the room. Even at a distance, there was no mistaking that face. “H-He’s here. It’s him, Jere -- Klaus.” Her heart began to race instantaneously. Without giving it any thought, she reached for Jeremiah’s wrist and pulled him away from the rest of the group. She wanted to get away but she didn’t want to be caught anywhere alone. 

[luckhissoul]

@needxheavenxnow liked the starter call

"tonight feels longer than it should." he says with a note of exasperation in his voice. everything feels bloody heavy, doesn't it? a weight around him that seems to tug at him. he takes in a breath and lets it out heavily. "can't wait for morning."

[needxheavenxnow]

The sound of his voice pulls Isabelle away from her intrusive thoughts as she turns her gaze from the moonlight to him. “I know,” she says quietly, taking a seat beside him, shivering as a breeze passes through. As exhausted as she is, sleep somehow still evades her. The cool night air doesn’t exactly help either. “M-Maybe we should keep moving?”

[soulunderfire]

This wasn’t easy. Dealing with somebody like Genevieve never was. She hurt him too many times, more times than he could count. She messed him up for anyone else to come in and patch him up. No one tried to, either. To this day, folks still brought up the hell she put him through, how much he had changed since. Then again, he had let her walk all over him like a welcome mat. As much as everyone liked to blame her, maybe the fault was his own.

He doesn’t know what to say anymore. They’ve been here before. It’s always the same song and dance with her. How was he supposed to believe history wouldn’t repeat itself? “Well, you’re right about that - I don’t believe you. What makes this time different than the last, huh? Or the time before that?”

Feeling peeved, he pulls out money out of his wallet to cover his tab and rises from his seat. “We’re not doin’ this in here.” If she thought she was gonna waltz back into their child’s life that easy, Gen had another thing coming. The man had many words to say to her but it wouldn’t be right for him to lecture her in a bar. Too many eyes around to witness him scolding her. “C’mon, follow me.” Sets the bill on the table then walks off, not looking back to check if she’s behind. She’d follow.

[needxheavenxnow]

As Genevieve grasped for the right words, anything to ease his worries and if possible, eliminate his concern, silence fell between them. This wasn’t going to be a walk in the park but she also hadn’t imagined it would suddenly feel this hopeless and impossible. Perhaps she’d been too optimistic. Maybe she was asking too much. No… she knew. She knew she was asking for Ethan to take this massive, impossible leap of faith he likely wasn’t prepared to take. And would he ever be ready? After everything she’d put him and Willie through, why would he take a chance on her now? But her mind turned to Willie and how much he deserved to have the both of them in his life, so then it also became impossible for her to give up so easily.

Her feet carried her to Ethan’s truck without hesitation. It was raining cats and dogs outside, thunder and all, so when she spoke, her voice fought the rumbling and roaring. “I know I don’t deserve another chance -- I know it! But I’m beggin’ you, for the sake of our son, please give me one last chance! One, final chance…” Genevieve’s voice held the kind of desperation only a mother could feel after being separated from her child for as long as she had. Even though the rain had no mind to stop, her hands came up to clear the water away from her eyes. At that moment, she felt crushed by the weight of not having Willie in her day to day life and missing the fleeting moments of his childhood, that which slipped away like sand falling easily through fingers. Don’t say it’s too late now.

[vikanderstan]

Alicia Vikander in the movie “Euphoria” by Lisa Langseth

[dixt]

paris, france · ph. dzabello 

[monsterxmade]

Anya walks into the room and the look on her face can only be described as something both awed and wanting. It was nothing special, truly, just a small room with simple furniture all in plain, neutral colors but it was the way Isabelle had said it.

This room here is for you.

She had never really had anything for her before, and after weeks of fending for herself on the city streets, the safety and comfort of a room indoors seemed like nothing short of Heaven. For a brief moment, Anya found herself not even caring if Isabelle truly meant well or if she would betray her in some way. She just wanted to wash up and sleep in comfort behind a locked door that could offer just enough assurance to let her drift off more fully than she had managed in a long time.

“Um…”

The teen turns to look at her, uncertainty creeping back into her gaze.

“You…you don’t need my parents’ permission to let me stay? You’re not going to call anyone?”

[needxheavenxnow]

Isabelle hadn’t anticipated the concern from the young girl, which certainly revealed something about her. She wasn’t as naive as Isabelle had initially thought she was. “No, not tonight anyway, but I’d be lying if I told you we wouldn’t try to contact them. Then again, if you ran away from home, that tells me there’s, more likely than not, a good reason why. The most important thing in this moment is that you’re here and not there. And you are safe here, Anya. I would never allow anyone to take you back to them if they’ve hurt you in some way.”

“Listen… We-We don’t have to talk about any of this tonight, unless you want to of course. We can give it a few days -- whenever you feel ready to talk.” As much as she wanted to understand the girl’s situation better, Isabelle also didn’t want to pry, fearing she would ultimately change her mind about staying.

[wintcrstcrfall]

Jeremiah couldn't explain how, but he knew that her quick beating heart wasn't just because of excitment. His heart gave a painful squeeze at the thought that his words had made her want to cry, but the only reply that seemed decent was for him to hug her back, as tightly as he would allow himself. His arms held her close for as long as she would've wanted it. "Yeah, I'll take you home", he whispered, lips moving in her hair. He still couldn't believe that she'd hugged him, which was such a wild thing to be amazed by, considering that they'd spend the night cuddling pretty tightly on his couch. Now that he stopped to think about it, he got a little embarrassed too, but didn't allow himself to show it; otherwise, he knew, it would only make her feel worse and there was no reason to do that. She was his friend. He was hers. And friends could fall asleep next to each other occasionally without that making everything awkward. Right? "But first, breakfast is on me. I can't, in good conscious, send you home hungry when you took the time last night to come and feed me a proper meal." There was lightness in his voice as he pulled back, clearing his throat. His eyes lingered on her and how cute sleepiness looked on her; the sight was enough to grip his heart, the emotion strange but not unwelcome. Eventually, Jeremiah pulled back, then got up, stretching until he could feel his joints pop with a satisfying sound. "Wow, I think I'm getting too old for sleeping on the couch." Racking a hand through his hair, he turned to look at her over his shoulder. "Just give me a second and I'll be ready to get going. I have the perfect place in mind for breakfast."

[needxheavenxnow]

Breakfast with him? It wasn’t what Isabelle was expecting her first, post-divorce birthday morning to look like, but then again, why not? No longer bound by Klaus’ restrictions, she was a free woman and certainly free to do whatever her heart desired. Although a small part of her had been looking forward to having some time for herself on this particular morning, that feeling completely vanished when Jeremiah offered to take her out. Maybe it was the hopeful look on his face, but Isabelle just couldn’t turn him down. “Hang on,” she said, reaching for his wrist to pull him back. “Is that- Is that a silver-gray I see right there?” Plucking out a strand of his hair, she couldn’t hide the grin that broke her straight face before Isabelle quickly moved past him. “‘Ladies first’!” She burst into a peal of laughter, rushing to the bathroom before he had the chance to try and get ahead of her.

* . ⊹ * . ⊹ * . ⊹

When the time had come to get ready for dinner, Isabelle was torn on what she wanted to wear. There was a dress she kept coming back to, but the only issue with it was that it was something Klaus had bought her, and she had no idea why it was still hanging in her closet. After deliberating for much too long, she finally gave in, deciding that it was just a piece of fabric, and it didn’t matter who had given it to her, just that she wanted to wear it for tonight. Slipping on the slim-fitted black dress, Isabelle gave herself one final look in the mirror before tossing her keys and wallet into a clutch and heading out the door. Dinner at her favorite Italian restaurant went off without a hitch, and everyone agreed to meet for drinks afterwards. By the time the second round of drinks hit the table, Isabelle could already feel a familiar, warm buzz settling in. Glancing around as the sound of laughter and chatter filled the air, her heart swelled with appreciation towards everyone who had shown up tonight to celebrate her, including Jeremiah. The simple company was better than any material gift she had received. Turning to him, Isabelle looked rather sheepish, a small smile curving her lips. “I might need to pace myself on this one… Otherwise, I’m not sure how long I’ll last. I need some water.”

[thrillxseeking]

Daisy shrugs, though it’s not clear which point exactly she’s replying to. It could be any, as anyone who knew Daisy might guess.

It wouldn’t bother her that Isabelle has a boyfriend because under the influence as she was, Daisy tended to be indiscriminate when it came to sex. She’d fuck Isabelle either way without a second thought. She’d fuck Klaus if their positions were reversed. She’d fuck both at the same time if they were into that. As long as she got what she wanted out of it, it didn’t much matter who it was or how it happened.

And Daisy wouldn’t be sure what she took either. As indiscriminate as she was with sex, she was with drugs and alcohol too. She would imbibe in anything that would give her the high that allowed her to forget all the pain she harbored deep, deep inside. It didn’t matter what it was.

And even if she did know the answer to the last question — and maybe some part of her does beneath her manic smile and the bubbly laugh she gives at what she sees as Isabelle’s prudish and overly innocent demeanor, and a challenge — Daisy wouldn’t ever willingly say.

“Oh but he could join us,” she says, voice slurring, as she effectively ignores the other woman’s concern. Her hands move to clutch at Isabelle, cradling both between her palms. “It is so much fun in a group. Just let me show you. I don’t doubt you’ll agree.”

[needxheavenxnow]

Against her will, her face turned a shade of crimson at Daisy’s bold suggestion. She had never really considered such things, partly because she was saving herself for marriage, but mostly because Isabelle didn’t openly have discussions about sex with… well, with anyone, much less herself. Especially not Klaus, as they’d only recently started seeing each other. They had barely even held hands, so it made the situation all the more mortifying for Isabelle.

With a nervous laugh, she gently removed Daisy’s hands away from the sides of her face. "Perhaps you’d like to call him and ask him yourself?" The only reason why Isabelle bothered humoring her again was because she had reached her wit’s end. It felt much like she was dealing with a stubborn, demanding child in a way, though Isabelle couldn’t decide which was worse. Calling Klaus was mildly tempting. It would be nice to have some help, but maybe he wouldn’t know how to handle someone under the influence either.

“I-Maybe you’re right, but I-I’m sorry, I just can’t! I made a vow to wait until marriage, and I won’t break that promise now. It’s very important to me. And do you know what else is important to me? You. I care about you, even if you don’t care about yourself. I wouldn’t want anything bad to happen to you. I really hate seeing you like this. That’s why I’m begging you… Please, drink some water and have something to eat. Please."

[needxheavenxnow]

random music from isabelle’s records // 2/∞

song: lost boy artist: ruth b.

[stay-close]

“I like cancelled plans. And empty bookstores. I like rainy days. And thunderstorms. And quiet coffee shops. I like messy beds and over-worn pajamas. Most of all, I like the small joys that a simple life brings.”

— Unknown

[bruisedmooons]

Autumn memories

[wintcrstcrfall]

He'd worried about falling asleep and waking up not to find her next to him. It had been a silly notion, of course, and even before his mind had been able to fully shake itself from the sleepiness, Jeremiah could feel the pressure of another body close to his. At first, it seemed like the most natural thing in the world. It was only when his brain got more awake that Jere's heartbeat rose despite his best efforts not to give himself away. Eventually, he had no choice but to stir, which made Isabelle pull away too - obviously already awake. His mind was still too jumbled to think something besides the obvious fact they were there and she'd been as close to him as ever before. "Morning to you too," he said slowly, a hand brushing over his face in an attempt to chase the drowsiness away. "Of course I would. I mean... uh..." Slowly rising himself to a seated position, Jere threw a quick look around, the events of last night coming into place. "I thought about moving you to the bed, but you probably would've woken up and you needed the rest, so..." So, what? He stayed the night, instead of going to his own bed like a normal person? Something heavy lodged itself in his throat as his eyes eyed her braiding her hair. Without another thought, Jere's hand reached and brushed a wild strand. "You missed one." There was warmth in his voice as he watched her, a soft smile on his lips as he clearly saw that she was fussing. And then it dawned on him. "Happy birthday, Isabelle," the man said more clearly, his hand moving to rest on her cheek. "I hope its the best one yet. You deserve it and so much more."

[needxheavenxnow]

Before Isabelle could also thank him for not leaving her alone during the night, she completely forgot what she wanted to say as soon as his hand came up to brush back the loose strand of hair. Despite the warmth in his tone and the innocence found in his smile, she couldn’t help thinking he was only teasing her in a remarkably subtle way due to her self-consciousness at that moment. And then, all of those thoughts, too, disappeared when Jeremiah wished her happy birthday, reminding Isabelle of the significance of this day. But she could hardly think of a proper response with his ever gentle hand upon her cheek. At that moment, she wanted to tell Jere how much she appreciated him for not giving up on their friendship when really, he should have long ago and thank him as well for the support he had given her when she most needed it, but those words failed her too or she simply chickened out. It was difficult for her to know which it was then and there. “Thank you, Jere,” Isabelle said softly, pulling him in for a hug and squeezing him tightly. As she held him close for a few seconds, tears rolled down her rosy cheeks filled with warmth. However, unlike the night before, these were tears of gratitude and of joy. Birthdays were meant to be shared with family as well as friends, but her family had been gone most of her life. For the first time in a while, she was starting to feel like she knew what a real family was, one that Jeremiah was part of, whether he realized that or not. After his well wishes, Isabelle felt bright and hopeful that it would be a good day, and it certainly showed on her face after the hug. “Will you take me home now?” She gave him a sheepish smile, hoping it wasn’t too much of an inconvenience for him. Most of her day was spoken for, and she had imposed on him long enough.

[soulunderfire]

The man sits at the far end, hunched over a half-empty glass of bourbon, staring at nothing in particular. The place is quiet, save for the low hum of a country tune on the jukebox and the soft clink of glasses being washed behind the bar. Same old joint as it’s always been and will always be, most likely. Smells like stale smoke and stories folks don’t tell each other sober. It’s like any other evening, except it’s not.

The door swings open and with it, warm rain rolls in with her, coat clinging to her shoulders. The second he lays eyes on her, the world just... stops, including himself without realizing it. His whiskey’s half-raised to his lips, but his hand’s still as stone. All the noise around him dulls to nothing but the steady pounding of his own heartbeat. It’s been years without a word of her, not even a phone call for William on his birthday or a gift tucked in the mail for Christmas. Nothing.

He’d waited at first. Hell, he waited longer than a man should. Kept his ringer on loud, checked the mailbox every damn day like a fool, told himself maybe she was just figuring things out. And now, out of the blue, here she was. When their eyes finally met, all he could say was, “Took you long enough.” Before taking a drink and placing the glass down again.

[needxheavenxnow]

She had hardly expected a warm reception from Ethan. In fact, his reaction was precisely what Genevieve had imagined it would be after being absent for so long. He hadn’t changed in that regard. And although the words immediately stung, for the moment it was enough that he was even willing to speak to her. With a weight sitting far too comfortably on her chest, and fully aware he hadn’t exactly invited her to sit, she slid into the booth across from him anyway, hoping he wasn’t about to shut her down before they even had a chance to talk. “I know it did…” God, she resented that fact so damn much. With every fiber of her being, she hated that it was the truth. There was a knot in her throat. The words were there, waiting to be uttered, but it felt impossible to get them out without feeling as though she had just swallowed a lump of dry sand.

When she was met with nothing but silence, Gen continued, “I wish I coulda’ come back sooner, a whole lot sooner, but I couldn’t come back ‘til I knew I wasn’t just gonna waltz back into Willy’s life only for me leave him all over again. For a while, I couldn’t trust myself there. And I wouldn’t do that to him, Ethan. I’ve already done enough damage to him. You understand that, don’t you?” Genevieve clung tightly to her own promise, the one she had made when she had said her last goodbye to the both of them, that she wouldn’t hurt their son by leaving him ever again. Twice in his young life was already too many times. “I wouldn’t be here now if I wasn’t sure I was really ready. Even if you don’t believe me, I’m not goin’ anywhere unless I have Willy right by side.”

[needxheavenxnow]

……

and i am back (ish) again! for the 50th time lmbo. long story short, last month and the beginning of october was really rough for me iykyk. not dropping threads so far but i will be on a semi-hiatus for awhile so the replies may be far and few in between. thank you all for the starters and replies i’ve received since i’ve been gone ♡

[all-the-crackships]

[needxheavenxnow]

i  have  no  idea  what's  in  this  but  it  tastes  good.

quiet stillness sentence starters

“Merci. You’re welcome to take as many as you’d like.” Isabelle smiles, setting down the little tray of miniature cakes beside Anya before taking a seat on the granite steps of the courtyard. The tray sits between them. Her eyes immediately lift up towards the beautiful roses across the way, because they were big and bright, practically demanding attention by their beauty. It was the perfect place to enjoy a sweet treat or just soak up the good weather. “Do you like it here so far?” @monsterxmade

[wintcrstcrfall]

Being silly with Isabelle never came hard for Jeremiah. It hadn't for a while now, at least. There had been times when things had been difficult, mainly because of her marriage to that monster; they'd even spend weeks or months not hearing from each other but in the end, when they reconnected once more, it was like no time had passed. Thought the man remembered each stretch of time she hadn't been actively in his life - at some points, even against his will, - Jere was glad that their friendship hadn't been irrevocably destroyed. Now, making her laugh was the best accomplishment of the day for him. He didn't care how that made him look like from far away, because mostly, it was only she who got to witness this. And it was a good thing, because despite it coming in the middle of a silly struggle, Isabelle's touch struck him like a lightning - quick and fast, there one moment and gone the next. But the aftermath of it lingered in the places where she'd touched him, making him a little distracted. His mind, finally, was not on the next story slowly brewing up; rather, it was on the girl dozing off on his couch - the one he couldn't bring himself to wake up once he finished the dishes. Instead, after looking at her for a moment, teeth digging into his lips, Jeremiah slowly eased his body back next to hers, the decision made. Carefully, he provided comfort for her body to lean into his while simultaneously pulling a blanket over them, making sure that she was warm and safely tucked. Only then did the man fully relax, turning off the lamp next to the couch. His mind was starting to get tired too, but what he was glad of was that he was going to be the first one to wish her 'happy birthday' in the morning. Like a real, good friend. "Goodnight, Is," Jere whispered, his lips moving close to her hair, before he slowly drifted off too.

[needxheavenxnow]

One moment, Jere had been washing dishes and the next, he was fast asleep beside her, the light of the early morning beginning to peek through the curtains. Isabelle now found herself lying on top of him, her head resting on his chest, one hand placed gently beside it. Somehow during the night, they had both shifted into this position without waking, evidently comfortable enough not to stir. Although Isabelle felt well-rested, she made no effort to move away just yet. The shared warmth of his body and the blanket wrapped around them made it nearly impossible to pull away. Besides, she didn’t want to accidentally wake Jeremiah before he was ready. It was only when he finally began to rouse from his sleep that she slowly began to untangle herself from him, easing back with as much care as she could manage. “Good morning,” she murmured, her voice soft like the morning light. And then the warmth she had felt from their bodies pressed together quickly migrated to her cheeks. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to fall asleep. Thanks for letting me sleep.” On you. Suddenly, a new awareness crept in — this was the first time Jere had seen her so early in the day. Flustered, Isabelle combed fingers through her hair, though without a mirror, she had no way of knowing whether she looked presentable or more disheveled than before. Gathering her hair together on one side, she began to braid the long brown tresses instead.