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SUMMARY | After a long absence for military service, Jaehyun is finally back, and the air between you is thick with unspoken feelings and years of history. What began as a comfortable "situationship" without labels quickly ignites into an intense morning of intimacy that pushes the boundaries of your "just friends" status.
PAIRINGS | Jaehyun x Fem!Reader
RATING | Mature, NSFW, EXPLICIT, MDNI, 18+, Any Minors and Ageless Blogs will be blocked
GENRE | romance,smut
CONTENT/WARNINGS | non-idols au, profanity, praising, flirting, friends with benefits, situationship, unprotective sex (wrap it up folks), oral sex (both female/male receiving/giving), skin marking, hair grabbing, pet names
Your eyes flutter open to the familiar sight of your ceiling, the morning light filtering through your blinds in dusty stripes. It's been a few days since Jaehyun's been back from his military service. A week? Taeyong invited you over to his place for a party a few days ago, but you knew that Jaehyun would love the time that he spent with his friends. Of course you're a friend, you think, but your bond with him had always been different, special, and so you told Taeyong that you wanted to take a rain check.
The nature of your relationship with Jaehyun is ambiguous. To outsiders, he seems like your boyfriend because of the way he dotes on you, but between the two of you, there's no definitive label or concrete answer regarding your situationship. Whether you're friends or friends with benefits, the only thing that has ever truly mattered is the mutual happiness found in each other's company: the shared laughter at terrible jokes, the racing hearts from small touches, and the amazing sex that you aren’t about to let go anytime soon.
You intended to maintain this arrangement for a while longer since things are going so well. Jaehyun appears equally content, seemingly unbothered by the lack of formal steps forward. Neither of you had immediate plans to change the status quo, finding satisfaction in the present moment.
Damn, you really fell hard for him. It's impossible not to, considering the guy was a true beauty. It was like sculptors created him, always putting time and effort into carving him to look perfect in the most effortless ways. You can't really fathom that he's friends with someone like you, especially when most girls that hung around him were always absolutely stunning. Still, he doesn't seem to have a problem being in the current arrangement the two of you are in so you just hope you could keep this going for a little while. You wouldn't know what you'd do if the two of you didn't have each other's company in your daily routine.
Truthfully, you planned to keep up the situationship for just a bit more because things seemed to be going really well. Jaehyun's enjoying himself, not bothered at all that the two of you haven't made any steps.
A breathless moan slips past your lips as your fingers tangle into the dark, silken hair at the nape of his neck, pulling him closer. Jaehyun watches the way your body reacts with hungry eyes, his gaze heavy with a raw, primal lust that seems to consume the very air between you. One of his large hands grips your inner thigh with possessive strength, anchoring you open for him, while his fingers continue their rhythmic, punishing thrusts inside your soaking heat. All the while, his plush lips remain focused on your skin, trailing tender, searing kisses that leave you absolutely undone.
Jaehyun decided to spend the night at your place tonight and he was just the kind of distraction that you needed. So when he joined you in bed, slipping under the covers shirtless and in sweats, the two of you proceeded to cuddle and share about your day before ending up tangled in each other's arms. Now, he's watching how his fingers sink inside your soaked pussy with hungry eyes, lips red and swollen from sucking on you before he focused his mouth back on your thighs. There are more hickeys and bites all over your body, decorating every curve, from his insistence and desire.
"Awake?" His voice is raspy, thumb drawing circles near where you want his tongue again. You whimper a quiet sound of affirmation, trying to gain back some form of coherence.
"Jaehyun," you sigh out, swallowing the lump in your throat. Your hands pull on his hair in response to his hands skimming down your hips.
"Not quite done here," he chides playfully, biting your inner thigh. You breathe in a sharp breath as his tongue dances around the fresh bruise, his fingers easing you towards the edge. "Missed seeing your cute face when you get eaten out like this."
And oh, how his words make you so much more aroused. Your pussy squeezes around his fingers, chest heaving, your breathing becoming faster.
"Oh," you sigh, the feeling of his lips returning to your cunt makes your toes curl. One hand wanders into his dark hair, your fingers brushing over the nape of his neck. Your thighs start to tense when his tongue finds your clit. "Fuck, I miss this."
He smirks, and you wish you could kick him. How dare he look that hot when he was in between your thighs? You bite your lip as he groans, vibrations making you whine.
"Been so long since you let me have my meal," he knows what he does to you, playing with you, pressing his palm against your pussy like that. You don't have anything to respond with when his mouth is on you again.
"A-Ahh, Jae..." He pulls back, waiting. "Please." The sensation of his fingers brushing over the swollen spot gets you to whine again, toes curling, mouth agape. All the frustration is coming back tenfold and your neediness seems to inflate tenfold. You tug at his hair, "Let me cum."
Jaehyun places kisses all around your inner thigh. Your breath hitches, eagerness flooding in your veins as you anticipate his return to where you want him. His tongue is warm and his lips are plush. You pant softly, pressing yourself against his tongue as it glides back and forth, the flickers of his muscle sending electricity throughout your nerves.
The low sounds that emerge from the back of his throat send goosebumps across your skin as you rock back and forth along with the thrusting rhythm of his fingers. The coil in your abdomen is about ready to break. Your back begins arching. The pad of his index finger finds your g-spot and hits it, continuously, the sensitivity of the swollen bundle overwhelming you.
He is clearly relishing the moment, and why wouldn't he be, as your walls tighten possessively around his fingers. He is fully aware of how close you are to the edge. A whine leaves your pretty mouth, then another, and you almost squeak. Your thoughts have completely dissolved, leaving only the sensation of his movements and the sound of your own breathless moaning. You don't even know how your hand got to hold onto his, but you're just desperate for something to keep you stable as the tides wash over you.
You're so close. So, so close.
He presses a third finger inside and it's finally too much for your tired mind. Jaehyun chuckles in satisfaction, letting you grind yourself out on his palm, coaxing you for just a little longer until you're shaking in his hands, his name falling from your lips. Once your breath stabilizes, Jaehyun raises himself on his elbows to meet your face with a smug grin and you flush red all over.
He hums, pecking your lips and smiling, "Told you that you're so cute when you're getting eaten out. Thank you for breakfast."
"Sh-shut up," you manage, avoiding his teasing stare. Instead, you try to take notice of the feeling in the atmosphere, or better yet, the feeling in his sweatpants that was becoming quite difficult for him to hide. "Do you...want me to help you with that?"
Jaehyun brushes some hair off your face. "Nah. I wanted to treat you this morning since I'm sure no one satisfies you like I do."
"Jae," you roll your eyes and he laughs.
"Alright, that, and," he shifts his weight, moving back down the bed to settle on his side beside you, smoothing down your nightgown, "I'd really love another round, if you're up for it." He flashes that signature, dimpled smile before starting to untangle himself from the sheets. "Hold on, let me grab us some water and a few essentials first—"
"You better not have any flowers or any of that nonsense," you groan playfully, the sound muffled by the pillows. "You know how I feel about flowers."
"Not a single petal this time," Jaehyun snickers, a rich sound that vibrates through the air. He slips his arm beneath you, hoisting you up with effortless strength as he carries you out of the room. "Just the two of us and a fresh pot of coffee. How does that sound?"
Golden sunlight streams into your kitchen as the curtains are swept aside, revealing a cheerful dawn just beyond the glass. Jaehyun sets you down on a chair with effortless ease, the room quiet save for the soft rustling of leaves from a potted plant. The fresh greenery was his little gift to you, perched on the windowsill in hopes of adding a touch of life to your chaotic routine.
"Not a single petal this time," he snickers, his smugness practically radiating off him. You hear the soft rustle of his clothes as he sweeps behind you, his plush lips pressing a tender kiss against your temple.
"Good boy," you purr, a triumphant grin spreading across your face as your hand finds the sleek, firm muscle of his bicep.
He releases a light-hearted scoff, the rich sound vibrating through the morning air as he presses a lingering kiss to the crown of your head before strolling towards the stove with effortless ease. "Just like how you're a good girl?" A sudden wave of heat rushes to your cheeks, and you quickly hide your face behind your hands, the vivid memory of his head buried between your thighs just moments ago making your skin prickle. You hear him snicker, that smugness practically radiating off him, before he asks, "Where’s your stash of coffee grounds, Y/N? I’ll brew us something nice. You just rest there."
"On top of the cupboards," you reply. Your eyes rove over him as he stretches upwards to the cabinet to take the bag, his sweatpants hanging low enough to provide you with a view. "A little more, on the left." He reaches to the correct location, bending forwards and showcasing the sinful muscles of his upper back. His arms are thick and you can remember how they flex and tighten whenever he's holding you against him.
You lick your lips, subconsciously trying to resist the urge to walk up and hug him from behind. To pepper his neck with kisses and distract him enough so you could slip your hand past the waistband and satisfy that throbbing bulge. To make the cup of coffee a cup of nothing and forget the day.
He turns around, grin twitching as he holds back his laughter. "Like what you see?" he asks with a smirk.
You stick your tongue out in a silly fashion, a small groan of playful frustration escaping your lips. Jaehyun doesn't take long to finish with the coffee, taking a leisurely sip before placing a warm mug right in front of you. He sinks into the seat opposite yours, flashing that signature, dimpled smile—the one he reserves only for those moments when he's truly, genuinely pleased.
It feels good. Not the coffee or the aftermath of the orgasms, but just...spending time with him. Like this. Without a single thought, you decide you want moments like these to continue.
"What do you want to do today?" He asks, his voice low as he takes a leisurely sip from the warm mug in his hands. "The guys are itching to go out, but I've already spent so much time with them since I've been back. Honestly, I'd much rather just stay right here with you today, if you'll have me."
"No complaints from me," you say. His eyes seem to dance with happiness, teeth sinking into his lower lip. Jaehyun says nothing else, allowing the silence and company of the morning to soothe your hearts.
He looks handsome, the sunlight drifting over the side of his face, brushing across the edges of his jaw and kissing his smooth cheek. His eyes remain focused on his reflection in the liquid as it swirls. Jaehyun then brings his mug up in a toast, flashing a knowing smile in your direction and motioning his head towards yours.
How can this gorgeous man be just a friend? Just someone to talk to? Just to keep you company? You hate the fact that those questions continue to play in your mind as you raise your mug to join his, smiling as though everything is the same. Because they have been and things have stayed this way for years.
You don't even remember how sex came into the picture but you were glad you let it happen, allowed yourselves to be wrapped up in the lust and passion. And somehow, in the midst of tangled bodies, you found comfort, you found the answer.
It wasn't exactly a realization that would shake the universe, nor would it cause the angels and clouds to sing, but it was just like that, it felt right. You wanted to keep being by his side, and that was when you realized your feelings and realized why it hurt when he was gone for military service.
You missed him, you really did, more than you could ever say out loud. It wasn't just because he wasn't warming your bed, you slept around to find replacement, the others couldn't satisfy you the same way. None had the same ability to bring you the utmost pleasure like he had.
You both stay silent for a minute and you can feel a change in the atmosphere. Tension seems to stir in the air, making everything thicker and suffocating. His expression is clouded, a trace of doubt flashing on his handsome face.
"Jae...what are we exactly?" you murmur. Your question hangs in the air like a weighted blanket, heavy with the uncertainty of your shared moments. "Never mind. You don't need-"
"What do you want us to be, Y/N?" he interrupts softly. He reaches across the table to take hold of your hand. "Tell me."
"It's still confusing," you mutter, the words barely a breathy whisper. Though the confession is hidden beneath the mumble, you know he hears you clear as day. Your heart pounds out a thousand frantic beats, filling your chest with a heavy, newfound weight. "But I also can't ignore this—this flutter in my chest whenever I see your stupid, handsome face. Every single time." You risk looking him straight in those beautiful, dark eyes, allowing a raw burst of vulnerability to peek through your facade. "I really, really don't want to fuck whatever this is up. Especially not because of my own dumb feelings."
"Hey," Jaehyun kneels on the floor beside you. Gently, his thumbs brush the wetness forming at the corners of your eyes. His gaze is solemn yet kind. "Look at me, Y/N. Take a breath. Do you trust me?"
"Of course, I do," you choke out in response. "You were the only one who's been there for me and that means a lot, Jaehyun."
"Look." He gives you a weak smile. His palm caresses your face tenderly, rubbing your cheek. "I never expected that you would turn my whole world upside down. I tried to tell myself otherwise, that I shouldn't pursue more and simply stay friends."
"And?"
"But it didn't work out the way I wanted," he sighed, his voice dropping an octave as he admits his failure to stay detached. "I feel like you understand me as much as I understand you, and that's a feeling that's so damn hard to ignore. Plus, we're good together. We make a good team in bed, sure, but in the beginning, I felt the connection, you know? And I realized I didn't have those same feelings for my previous partners." His grip remains firm and stable, even as he grazes your skin, his thumb tracing lingering patterns that make your heart stutter. The movement is steady as he patiently continues, "The days went by and I found myself liking you more and more. I told myself to push through, that it'll fade away but... you're too unforgettable, and I just can't seem to let go."
"J-Jaehyun..." Your voice wobbles as you desperately try to find something to say.
His head shakes firmly, resolve painted onto his face. "So let me just be completely transparent with you because I'm so goddamn in love with you, Y/N. That's not a lie. No excuses, no fake emotions, just the honest truth that I'm absolutely in love with you."
"This has to be some kind of dream," you mumble as your body goes slack against him. His hands lift you to face him as a beautiful laugh rings out into the air. "I can't believe my stupid crush fell for me as much as I did for him...what is this bullshit?"
"Is my ass dreamy enough for this to be a dream, Y/N?" Jaehyun jokes with a snicker, waving his free hand behind him. The palm on the side of your face travels upwards, cradling the top of your head and playing with strands of your hair.
"I love your dreamy ass but that's not the point here." With an unsteady breath, you try to find the words to answer him. "Yes," you confess, "Yes, I do love you. Like really, genuinely love you."
His eyes widened comically. "Wow." Jaehyun seemed to be at a loss for words. He looked deep in thought for a moment. "Fuck it," he spat suddenly before lunging forward, "I'm going to kiss you now. That is, unless you'd rather not."
"If you don't fucking kiss me right now," you whimpered before grabbing him by the collar, "I'm literally going to implode."
With that, he surges towards your mouth, gripping your face as he angles his. When his lips meet yours, all the fear seems to melt away, like it was never even there. Nothing mattered in this moment except the beautiful feeling of the man of your dreams sharing the deepest and purest part of his love for you. And just like that, the love between you blossoms, a pink rose from a red garden rose.
Your mouth moves against his as if you had been meant for each other, meant to be, as the cliché saying goes. There was an urgency in his kiss, as if to solidify his confession and ease the tremors running through his heart. All you could think was this was how it's supposed to be.
After a few minutes of kissing, his forehead leaned against yours. "This," you begin as you tap his forehead, "I'm liking."
"This," he tapped your forehead, a little higher than where you did, "I'm loving."
"You know," you laugh before throwing your arms around his neck, "I know a good way for us to continue showing our affections..."
"Oh?" he questions, eyebrows raised suggestively.
You rise from your chair and he quickly stands as you start leading the both of you towards the couch in the living room. Once there, you straddle his hips and situate yourself comfortably in his lap. He catches your face in both hands before tugging you down into another kiss.
"Hmmm," you hum as you swipe your tongue along his bottom lip. "I really did miss you, even if the whole phone sex thing helped a ton."
"We're gonna do more than sex to make up for our time apart," he says. He grinds your hips together and lets out a small sigh. "God, I missed you too, baby. Thought about you all the time. I felt empty every night without having you next to me."
"I know I had to have my fix elsewhere...but," you moan out a soft whimper when you move on his hardness again, "nothing is going to compare to your dick, Jae."
"No more other men, Y/N," Jaehyun nips your shoulder, earning another shaky sigh, "not when I'm finally back. As your boyfriend now."
"Boyfriend, huh?" you whisper. One of your hands slides down his naked chest and then begins playing with the band of his sweatpants. "Not complaining," your voice grows lower as a finger begins drawing circles on his abdomen. "Although, I might miss the toys. They don't talk back as much as you."
He laughs. The noise is happy, carefree and bright, something that always manages to get butterflies a flight in the pit of your stomach. "Maybe the toys can stay." Jaehyun tilts your chin and studies your face. "A toy plus my dick."
"Mhm. And, what does my new boyfriend have in mind to make up for the absence?"
"So many possibilities," he runs his index finger down the length of your chest. "What does my pretty girlfriend want?"
"So many things," you answer, your hand diving beneath the elastic, gripping and stroking his already rock hard length. "So. Many. Things."
Jaehyun releases a raspy chuckle, groaning your name as his hands are cupping your ass. "Someone's impatient," he comments.
"Says the guy who was just eating me out earlier like a starved man."
"Still had you shaking, didn't I?" he boasts, quirking a single brow. He lets his hips rise, thrusting upward for more of the sensation and lets out a sharp moan. "Fuck, that feels so good," he groans against your lips. "Stop, Y/N, let me at least get our clothes off."
You get off his lap, only to get on your knees and begin peeling off his sweatpants, revealing his arousal in all its glory. "Now that I think about it…I haven't had my breakfast yet." Without skipping a beat, his cock was engulfed in your hot and wet mouth, lips pressing flush against him as you deep throat him in one swift go.
"Goddamn, you feel amazing," Jaehyun rasps. It was almost impossible not to devour him with how long and perfect his cock looked as it strained in front of you. His hips stutter at the feeling. He fists his hands in your hair, using the grip to piston his cock further down your throat, his other hand placing on your shoulder to steady himself. "Don't forget to breathe, love," he warns gently as he resumes his movements.
When you come back for breath, you feel your saliva drip down your chin, an absolute mess, but the lust-crazed look in Jaehyun's eyes doesn't miss a beat to admire every second of it. "So messy for me," he says before slipping his thumb into your mouth and letting you suck on the appendage. "What an absolute mess," he murmurs with a smirk.
"Only for you," you coo before going back to wrap your lips around his erection. His hand falls from your mouth and Jaehyun steadily grips the back of your head as he presses deeper into your throat until the tip hits the back.
He jerks his hips wildly and fucks into your mouth, balls bouncing against your chin as Jaehyun chased the release his cock needed. The gagging sounds make his thrusts stop but his voice only comes out a low growl of frustration. He eases the push but maintains the vigorous motion of his hips. "Tap my thigh or anything else," he grunts, "if you can't do it, alright? You need to breathe, baby." You give his leg a comforting rub and the worry in his eyes dissipates. "Good girl," he whispers.
You continue sucking him off like it's the first meal you've ever eaten. "Missed the taste of this so bad," you comment before you tongue a line from his base to the very tip. "Need you to cum down my throat, Jae."
"Didn't even have to ask."
A grin plays on your face before swallowing the entirety of his cock again. It takes all the willpower inside of him not to erupt in your mouth, the warmth and softness of the wet heat of you taking him too soon. But just a few thrusts and he spills right down your throat, moaning and hissing his release.
"Y/N," he whispers, his voice an octave lower and raspy. "I'm close, fuck, I'm so close." Jaehyun bites his lower lip, biting back the guttural groans of satisfaction that threaten to spill out of him. His fingers tug on your scalp, trying his best to slow down his own movements as he feels the pleasure shoot down his spine like a whip crack. Your hands massage the top of his thighs, encouraging the cock hammering your throat. A minute longer of this and he cums, biting down onto his sleeve to mask his moans and keeping your gaze all throughout, wanting your eyes on him and nothing less. "So beautiful like this, all mine."
After swallowing everything, you stick your tongue out in a silly fashion, laughing a bit as he reaches down and squeezes your cheek.
"Y/N, oh my god," he looks a mix between exasperated and amused, "that's too cute and fucking dirty." He flicks your nose in a teasing gesture before helping you to your feet. "Wait a moment," Jaehyun picks you up again to throw you over his broad shoulder, patting the cheeks of your rear playfully. "To the bedroom with you. It's breakfast time again."
You let out a laugh, too occupied in staring at the mesmerizing curves of his back.
Yeah, there was no way you were ever letting him go. Not now, not ever.
pairing: dj!johnny x jazz club singer!reader
rating: 18+
warnings: lovers to exes, cigarette smoking (bad), alcohol consumption, angst, no happy ending, no beta
wc: 3.9k
synopsis: Angel was your stage name and it was fitting given your voice. On a night where you had the chance to change your career, you sing a song that you wrote mourning the only relationship that mattered.
author's note: this is inspired by Jonny by Faye Webster as well Mia and Sebastian's ending scene in La La Land. It's funny because originally this was going to be a fic written in honor of DJ Johnny and how good he looks as a DJ. i'm clearly in a very angsty nct time of my life rn. i swear the next fic will be a seventeen one <3
listen while reading
tags: @neocity-net
The familiar smell of tobacco fills your lungs when you open the back door to Orange Seoul. You've been coming to this club before you were even old enough to legally buy a drink. Not your home, but you definitely know your way around.
The usual crowd in their spots, like they hadn't moved since the last time you were in here. Leaning up against the doorway, you survey the lay of the land and tick off the imaginary checklist as you count the heads in the room.
Hyunwoo? Check. Looking over paperwork, no doubt double checking last month's numbers. A quick look at the bar top tells you that he's two whiskeys deep and will likely retreat upstairs into his office soon. Making a mental note to greet him later, your eyes move to the next regular.
It's Friday so Shua and Hyeri are the starting bartenders tonight. You see the latter cutting up lime wedges for the bar. Shua is missing from your eye line, but not for long as you hear him yelling "Behind" and out he comes with a crate of Highball glasses in his hands. Check and check.
The front entrance of the club opens and in walks Jeno and Mingyu, who both give you a wave to which you return with a salute. For a pair of big, scary, muscly bouncers those two are quite literally the biggest puppies you have ever met in your entire life. They walk to one end of the bar and start chatting with Shua. Another two ticks off your list.
Last but certainly not least is Robby, the only non staff member here. He's a doctor at the hospital a couple blocks away, but you swear being at this club is his second job. His head is in between hands and his usual glass of bourbon right in front of him, already empty.
Using your shoulder, you push off the doorway and nestle yourself on the barstool next to Hyunwoo. As you're setting your bag onto the stool next to you, Hyeri slides a gin and tonic in front of you.
"Thanks," you reply with a smile. At the sound of your voice, Hyunwoo looks up from the stack of papers and greets you with a hug. Hyunwoo has been in your life for as long as you can remember. Your parents were best friends and even though he was older, the two of you were thick as thieves. He's the only piece of family you have out here in Chicago. He's also the biggest supporter of your music career, letting you sing at his jazz club every weekend since you decided to pursue music full time.
"Ready for tonight?" He asks as the two of you separate. Drumming your fingers along your glass, you nod and take a big sip of your drink.
"That big gulp and color of your knuckles say otherwise," he laughs. You didn't even realize that you had been gripping the glass so tightly.
"No big deal tonight, just getting scouted by someone that could likely change my life and career," you joke through gritted teeth. You feel his hand clap onto your back when he leans back and laughs at your nervousness. Shaking it off, you turn your body towards him and look at him with pleading eyes. Sensing that your anxiety might take over your entire body, he rubs circles into your shoulder and sternly assures you.
"Hey, you have this. Every single person in this room is rooting for you," he jerks his head towards the end of the bar. You sigh and let go of the tension in your shoulders. Hyunwoo then calls for everyone to start giving you words of encouragement and you bury your face in your hands at the sudden call to attention. Hyunwoo also reminds you that Joy, the talent scout whose future is in your hands, is a friend of his and tends to like anyone associated with him. Deep down, you warmed at the thought of everyone being excited for you to finally get your chance.
Life has not been kind to you. It feels like it never has. Your mother passed when you were just starting high school, leaving you with a broken-hearted father who might as well have died with her. Your dad is still around now, but he's in hospice and every day is a toss up of whether or not he lives to see another sunrise. School was never a cake walk as you never cared much for education. You still went to college, the same university your mom went to, just to feel like you still had a piece of her.
College was the first time where you felt like maybe things were going to turn around for you. You'd stayed in Illinois just in case your father needed anything, but UIC offered you a full ride and a chance to distance yourself from the childhood that scarred you. And for a while, it was the reprieve that you had desperately chased. You rekindled your love for music and ignited your passion for a career in songwriting and producing. With friends that turned into family, a place to call your own, and a renewed vigor on where your dreams could take you, life finally felt like something you wanted to keep experiencing.
Then Johnny bulldozed himself into your life. The two of you met in an audio engineering class, he was in his second year and you were just starting your second semester. The Chicago native offering himself to be your personal city guide when you had mentioned that in all the time you'd been living in Illinois, you had never explored the city. The days blurred into weeks, then into months and suddenly the two of you were glued at the hip.
It was no surprise to everyone around, when Johnny asked you to be his girlfriend. You of course said yes, having fallen deeply in love with the second man in your life that felt like coming up for air. By the time you were wrapping up your final semester of college, the two of you had already been living together for what felt like forever. During your senior year, Johnny's career as a DJ was starting to really take off. You couldn't be prouder of him and even of yourself, as some of his more popular tracks had vocals that you laid for him. Johnny had heard you singing in the shower one day and was convinced you had a gift.
When you graduated, Johnny was a well known name in the industry and was regularly flying out of your one bedroom apartment to get to his next gig. You didn't mind, every so often you'd tag along and have fun sharing the music you'd made together. In the time that had passed, you had fallen in love with singing and found that you actually were good. So much of that confidence came from Johnny and his never ending support and love for you. The two of you were sickly in love with each other, life was good.
Was.
You don't have time to recollect on the pain that was beginning to surface as your band clamors in and calls out for you to rehearse with them.
You're taking a sip of water when you see Dr. Robby leave. There's something in you that warms at the thought of him sticking around for that long. Orange Seoul was busier than ever, you aren't sure what to chalk it up to: busy weekend or Hyunwoo inviting more people. Either way, you're happy to have so many people listening and giving you a chance.
The nerves haven't gone down though as you're almost done with your set and you haven't recognized anything affirming from the record label scout. The chair next to her was still empty and you're wondering if that's why she might be distracted. You take a deep breath and look to Mark at the piano, who instantly rushes over to you.
"Hey, everything okay?" He whispers. You slowly nod and inform him that there was going to be a change in the setlist. There's a question in his eyes but all you tell him is to play JS and he immediately understands. He nods and turns to tell the rest of the band. Another deep breath in and you return to the mic.
"I have one song left for the night," you say sheepishly. The crowd sighs in sadness and you fight the smile on your face.
"I recently wrote a new song and tonight felt like the perfect opportunity to share it. I hope that's okay."
Scattered cheers and whoops come from the crowd. There's a yell that sounds kind of familiar, but your nerves don't let you focus on placing the sound to a person. The stool you'd signaled for is brought onto the stage and you take the mic off the stand. Turning back, you give Mark the signal and he counts you and the band in. The slow drums start and while you're waiting for the piano to come in, you light a cigarette. A perfectly timed drag, the opening notes start, and you croon out the beginning line.
I'm losing my mind. Why the hell did I paint these walls white?
The song you were singing wasn't actually new. In fact it was a year old. You wrote it in a drunk and painful daze a week after you and Johnny had broken up. The following week you removed the sage green walls that you and John painted together, foolishly believing a fresh coat of paint could erase everything. The two of you ended in a fiery flame when you realized that both of your careers were pulling you away from each other. He went from flying out of the apartment to flying out of the country for weeks at a time. At first, you truly didn't care. You had been working odd hours as an audio engineer for a local producing company so you just cherished any time that you and John were together.
Working as an audio engineer had its perks as a new musician. With your audio engineering background and steady access to a studio, you were able to make serious progress on your career. You already had published and released songs, even an EP, when most of the artists around you were still only in the demo phase. This is how you got the gig at Orange Seoul.
After realizing that your childhood friend lived in the same city, you asked him to catch up and he led you to the beat-up but full of character club that became your solace on the weekends. Hyunwoo had left the state for college so by the time you were his age he was in Washington living his own life. He bought Orange Seoul after coming back to Chicago and his now wife, then girlfriend, had dreamed of owning a jazz club. The two of them remind you so much of his parents and yours before your mom passed. The night that you met with Hyunwoo, he immediately offered a singing gig every weekend while you built up your following.
You're eyes have been closed the entire first verse. You open them as you begin the first line of the chorus and you're blinded by the stage lights. The only thing you can really make out is a tall figure standing in the back of the room. Something about them seemed painfully familiar. You close your eyes again and sing.
Johnny, did you ever love me? Johnny, help me figure it out.
Moments of doubt were few and far between when it came to your relationship with John, but when they came, they came hard. The week leading up to your separation, you found yourself spiraling in what felt like a never ending feedback loop of uncertainty. You never used to care about the silence, you even found yourself happy at the fact that the two of you could comfortably sit in the quiet. But in the past year, the silence was no longer comfortable. It felt like the itchy sweater that he'd gotten you for the holidays but you forced yourself to wear because of how much you loved him.
Johnny, do you see what you're doing? What you're making me think about?
One night you finally took the sweater off. He'd just come back from a gig in Thailand. You sat him down and told him you wished he would talk to you more when the two of you were together. When you were in the same city, all you did was sit in the apartment. You asked where the romantic guy you'd fallen in love with had gone. He argued back that you weren't being fair, that traveling for work often left him tired. The tone of your conversation getting louder and louder as the two of you traded fiery blows.
No one left that conversation unscathed, and by the end of the night the two of you were crying in each other's arms. The diminuendo of your relationship coming to a halt when they clock hit two in the morning. The shit thing about the whole situation was that the two of you still loved each other. It was evident in your arguments. Laced between every shout was a tinge of care, a message that the two of you were fighting because you wanted to make this work.
He left your apartment that night/morning. Letting you grieve alone. It was also convenient for him as he was scheduled to appear in New York for the upcoming weekend. You told him that you'd be working all weekend so he could have the apartment to himself while he packed up. Who would've thought that your differing schedules, the big stick of dynamite that blew up your relationship, would have been the thing that made this break up infinitely easier.
Johnny, maybe you'll never hear this. Well, I hope it makes you cry, the way that I did
There's a knot in your throat as you choke out the words. You open your eyes and you're blinded again, but not by the lights. The rims of them are wet and you have to blink a few times to clear the tears that are stuck. The tall figure standing by the bar had disappeared, you don't know why but you find yourself craning your head to look for them. A quick look at Joy's direction and you cannot clue into anything. The lights are still blocking your vision.
Moving off the stool, you saunter over to Mark and lean against the piano he's playing on. There's a bit of an instrumental break, so you use that time to catch your breath and take another drag of the cigarette in your hand. Flicking your ashes onto stage, you feel the delightful head high come on, and start swaying to the orchestral sound filling up the club. The violin slows to a bare beat and you put your all into the last lyric of your song.
This wasn't 'posed to be a love song, but I guess it is now
The last note plays and you sniffle out a thank you to the audience. Cheers ring out across the room, lots of loud ones coming from your crew. You move back to the front of the stage and take a bow, sharing a gentle reminder that you're playing here every Friday. Turning around, you give everyone in your band a hug, then exit the stage. As you're coming off, you see Hyunwoo waving you over and Joy is standing next to him. Her expression is undiscernible and it makes your heart plummet to your stomach. You make your way towards the bar, where every so often you're stopped by a stranger giving you a compliment. When you get to the pair who had been waiting for you, you greet them with a confidence pulled out from your ass.
"Joy, it's a pleasure of mine to introduce you to Y/N," Hyunwoo gestures to you after you pull away from his hug.
"Y/N? I thought your name was Angel?" She reaches her hand out in confusion. You laugh and shake her hand as you explain that Angel is just your stage name, the people who actually know you call you by your actual name. She nods and as she pulls her hand back, something on her gets caught on your bracelet. Your eyes zero in on what is stuck and you see a ring with a massive rock of a diamond, latched onto your red bracelet.
"Oh gosh I'm so sorry," she fusses as she removes the ring off her finger. You chuckle and tell her it's no big deal, you remove your bracelet and unlatch it from her ring. As you hand it back to her, a comment slips out from your mouth about her ring. She laughs lightly and slips it back on her finger.
"I know right! My fiancé did a great job," she gushes as she admires the ring. You congratulate her on her engagement, trying to suck up to her to try and weasel your way into asking about your set. She thanks you and mentions that her husband was off getting a drink and would be joining the three of you soon. You nod and there's a pause before mercifully, Hyunwoo talks about how great your set was. Joy nods enthusiastically and gushes about how much she adored the final song you sang.
An rush of relief relaxes your shoulders. Thanking her, you begin to ask if there was anything else she liked about your set. She's cut off when a voice interrupts behind you. A voice that makes the hairs on the back of your neck raise.
"Sorry, do you mind if I step around you?" A squeal comes from Joy and she reaches past you to pull the person behind you to her. As the person steps by you, you get a whiff of them and the scent makes you nauseous. Not because it smelled bad.
No, that scent belonged to—
"Johnny! Baby you made it!"
The guy who broke your heart, the one who you wrote that last song about, the one who you still loved was suddenly standing in front of you. And he was pressing a kiss to the lips of the woman who you had desperately been trying to impress all night. You swear you hear your heart break into a million pieces. You also feel Hyunwoo stiffen behind you.
"Sorry! Where are my manners?! Angel, Hyunwoo this is Johnny, my fiancé." Her hand nestles onto his chest and the ring on her finger glistens under the neon lights. He sheepishly says hello and reaches his hand forward for either of you to shake it. Hyunwoo takes it while you just nod and say hi. You're stuck between a rock and a hard place. How are you possibly supposed to pretend that everything is fine, that you aren't dying on the inside. The conversation keeps going and you start to disassociate.
The ringing of Joy's phone pulls you back into the world. She apologizes, saying that it's a work call and she has to take it. Before she steps away, she takes your hand in hers and tells you to send her a demo and she'll make sure it gets to the right people. A blank nod comes from you and then suddenly, Hyeri tells Hyunwoo there's an emergency on the other side of the bar. Your friend shoots you a quick look to ask if you can handle yourself, you nod quickly and shoo him away.
"So—"
"I'm so—"
The two of you begin sentences but clumsily stumble over each other. He apologizes first and signals for you to speak first. You're about to start your sentence up but nothing comes out. For someone whose career is based on writing out your emotions, you can't seem to find your voice.
"You had a great crowd tonight," he's the first to actually speak a sentence. You're still stuck and you can only nod. There's another beat of silence. You open your mouth because you think you finally have a string of words put together, but again your voice is stuck in your throat.
"I didn't know you'd be performing tonight. I knew you worked here but when Joy told me that we were seeing a musician she was scouting, she used a different name." He keeps talking, trying to fill the empty space. You stare at the black and white checkered floor, the white tiles reflecting the orange lights of the club. Willing the black tiles to open up and swallow you whole only for them to betray you and stay still.
"Can you say something so I don't feel like you hate me. Or even tell me you hate me.. Anything but the silence," he whispers that last part and you scoff at the irony. That was the exact question you asked him the night the two of you ended things. Funny how the roles have switched. You scoff at the notion that you could ever hate him. At the idea that you hadn't spent several months in drunken stupors mourning the first person who had ever made you feel like there was life in your bones. The only man who made you understand what your dad felt when your mom passed. That just like your father, you might as well have died when the two of you said goodbye.
You plead with your brain to say anything, to tell him every thought in your head. The confession sitting on the tip of your tongue. That despite the ache of it all, you still loved him. That every night you sang at Orange Seoul, you wished he would walk through the double doors and appear through the smoke to return home.
I don't h—"
"So sorry about that," Joy interrupts you and nestles herself next to Johnny. They clasp their hands together and you don't miss the way Johnny's eyes light up when he's kissing atop her head. Joy apologizes a second time, citing that the two of them actually have to get going. The corners of her eyes crinkle in a smile when she asks you to send her your contact information through Hyunwoo so she can set up an official meeting.
Plastering on a smile that hurts your cheeks, you thank Joy for coming and giving you a chance. She returns your gesture with another smile and a nod. The two of them turn and head towards the exit. Your gaze averts back to the floor as you blink away the tears that have collected at the rim. The couple of drops that escape are hot and sting as they make their way down. You see them splat onto the tile, catching the lights from above. Realizing that you never got to tell Johnny that you didn't hate him, you wipe your eyes and look back up at them. They haven't made their way out yet. You'll never know if it's intuition or the connectedness that you and John still had, but as you see Joy turn the corner to the stairs that lead up Johnny stops. He turns around to meet your gaze
The world stops when the two of you are staring into each other's soul. Eyes saying everything that words never could. There's a slight smile that appears on his face, and you find yourself mirroring him. Even though you aren't saying anything to each other, you both get each other's message.
It's okay. I love you. It was good to see you. Goodbye.
Because there are a lot of characters for my NCIT series, I figured I would drop character profiles!! These are for the male characters and if you want me to, I'll drop the female characters at a later date.
Hope you enjoy reading them as much as I enjoy making them.
(Pssssttttt...and yes, I'm still going to write Mark's fic. You can take the man out of Neo but you can't take the neo out of the man. 💚)
Find the series masterlist here:
NCIT: A NCT Series Masterlist
Summary : February 14 repeats itself in its own way when you choose the person who patiently waited for you instead of the cheating ex you tried so hard to keep loyal.
⤷ boyfriend cheating, open ended ending
Non-idol fantasy & romance au ♡ NCT Dream Jaemin x female reader ♡ 13+ SFW ♡
⤷ IM CRYING WHY ARE THE PHOTOS SO BLURRY WHEN IT WORKS FINE WITH MY SCREENSHOT😭😭 Should i even be blaming twinote😭
pairing: (ex)idol!mark lee x f!reader
rating: pg
wc: 1209
warnings: angst, feeling guilt, no beta we die like men
synopsis: it's the end of march into april, your boyfriend is about to drop something that will rock the industry. and here you are experiencing that first beat of quiet after the shock. pahinga in tagalog means to rest.
author's note: an idol leaving hasn't affected me this deeply since jonghyun. i haven't been a resident of ncity for long but mark was THE member that pulled me in. this fic inspired by this edit i made for him and by the ending scene in avengers endgame where pepper delivers THAT devastating line. i'll always be a fan of his and should he choose to come back to the spotlight, i will be there cheering him on. i always had plans to write for mark and i still might but not as much as i originally planned. anyways enjoy ♡
The day he came home from the final encore show, you wrapped him in sweater-covered arms under the midnight sky. Placing a gentle kiss on his cheek, you whispered an apology for not being able to make it that night. He scoffed as he squeezed you harder, signaling the your sentiment was silly.
The whole night, you listened, that's all you could do.
You let him cry out everything that he forced himself to bury during the concert.
He'd positioned his back in between your legs while you sat on the sofa and he slumped onto the floor. Plates of his favorite comfort meals laid out on the coffee table in front of him. Rubbing his back when he would get choked up on words, you reached for the food and nudged it toward him. Encouraging him to eat and take a moment, reminding him that you were in no rush, that you were planted here for him as long as he wanted. As long as he needed.
He gets choked up when he spoke about the searing pang of guilt he felt when he saw Jisung break on stage. You rub small circles at the base of his neck to try and ease some of the anxiety you know is building up under his skin. Very few people knew that the announcement was coming on Friday. The members had known for a while that he was leaving. But you were the first person Mark even told that he was considering this option. You know the upcoming announcement is the biggest cause of his anxiety. You tried to assure him that the only opinion that matters is his and that everyone in NCT understood his choice. You of course understood why he was so anxious. Fans have not always been the kindest and this is an incredibly huge change. You weren't around for his "graduation" from Dream, but you had seen the headlines. Seen the outcry, the petitions, the reaction. The reaction he had was warranted.
"Could you feel the love?" You ask, trying to lead him away from the nerves and guilt.
"Hmm?"
"When you looked out into the crowd, what did you see? What could you feel?"
A smile hid in the corner of his lips as he recollected the way the fans looked at him with adoration. The unmistakable twinkle in his eyes returned when he spoke of how happy he was performing with the guys. When he finished, you tipped his head back to look up at you.
"That," you say as you soothe circles into his chest, "Keep that with you always."
The smile hiding in the corner breaks out and splays across his lips. Leaning down, you place the softest kiss on nose. As you pull away, you feel his hands cup your cheeks and pull him back towards you. Your lips meet and it's your turn to smile. When he lets you go, you jerk your head towards your bedroom. The mere mention of sleep has him scrambling up. He's halfway down the hall when he realizes you aren't following behind. He turns around with a shocked face. Giggling softly, you gesture him to keep going, letting him know you were just gonna clean up the food first. An argument dies at the tip of his tongue when you sternly deny his ask to help you.
Mark had no schedules for the rest of the week but you were unfortunately were still a working citizen. You came home early on Friday and found him looking at a frame in your living room. The frame was one that you gifted him a while back. It was a picture of his groups after their first ever completed tours. Quietly you approach him and slowly wrap your arms around his waist. He jumps at the sudden contact, but immediately relaxes when he realizes it's you.
"They're gonna be okay, y'know?" You say into his shoulder.
You don't know how much assurance your words give him but you continue to talk. Telling him that although it will be different without him, they'll be able to move forward and they will take care of each other. Reminding him that this decision will never, could never erase the years he's spent with his brothers. That choosing himself will never be something he regrets.
He points to the coffee table where a stack of papers lay. Your eyes follow his hand and you can see his handwriting all over the papers.
"I spent all of today writing and I think I finally have everything down."
You squeeze his hand to affirm that you know exactly what he's asking. You sink into the sofa while he paces around. Papers in hand, you begin to read his goodbye letter. Deep down you knew that whatever Mark wrote would be perfectly fine, but you hold it so close to your heart that you've always been the first person he shared things to.
Your heart aches while reading. You can feel that just like everything, Mark poured his all into writing this. When you reach the end, tears well up in your eyes. Looking up at him, you see him biting his lip.
"It's perfect. As usual," you squeak out.
He nods hesitantly while you continue to instill the belief that his fans will learn to understand. That those who are happy for him to get a break are the ones filled with so much love.
You've moved to your bedroom and you can visibly see the tension in his shoulders release when he finally hits the post button on Instagram. There was a breath in your chest, that you didn't realize you had been holding.
"It's done. I put it out there," he says in a hushed tone. You take his phone from him and delete all the social media apps off them. He watches you without protest, knowing that staying away was the best choice for his peace of mind. Before you return his phone, you send a quick text to notify his members and managers that he'll be off socials for the time being.
"You did," you say with a gentle smile as you hand him his phone back. He pockets it and lays out on your shared bed with his eyes closed. Like moth to a flame, you curl up next to him, alternating between drawing shapes and tapping your fingers on his chest. There is a long beat of silence in your bedroom. You hear the birds chirping outside and the slight jingle of the wind chimes on your patio. Before you can revel in the peace, you feel Mark stiffen beside you. Turning your head to him, his eyes have shot open and there's a question on the tip of his tongue. Lightly tapping his chest, you draw his attention to you.
"What is it?"
"What do I do?"
Your brows are drawn up in confusion. Untangling yourself from him, you sit up and ask him to clarify this seemingly out of the blue question.
"I mean… What do I do now?" The look in his eyes screams sincerity and your heart aches for him.
"You rest. You can rest now," you say softly as you pull him under the covers with you.
SUMMARY | Taeyong has always been the protective, authoritative, and completely off-limits older brother of your best friend. For years, this rule has defined your relationship, but the dynamic begins to shift as you both realize some rules are meant to be broken.
PAIRINGS | TA!Taeyong x CollegeStudent!Reader
RATING | Mature, NSFW, EXPLICIT, MDNI, 18+, Any Minors and Ageless Blogs will be blocked
GENRE | angst, romance, drama, smut
CONTENT/WARNINGS | non-idols au, college au, profanity, alcohol, drinking, college parties, y/n and taeyong sneaks off at a party, praising, flirting, secret relationship, unprotective sex (wrap it up folks), riding, skin marking, hair grabbing, creampies, pet names, pregnancy, drama
LENGTH | 19,549 words
TAGLIST | (join the NCIT fic series taglist here or join my perm taglist here)
AUTHOR’S NOTE | It's here! The 2nd fic to the NCIT series! I hope you all enjoy it and see you in the next one. 💚
NCIT: A NCT Series Masterlist
NCT Main Masterlist
'As my best friend, you're not allowed to like my brother. He's off-limits Y/N.'
Lee Jinkyung, one of your best friends since forever, has always warned you not to fall for her brother. Because Lee Taeyong is so good with girls that he probably left a trail of broken hearts and one-night stands in his path. He was the man your mother warned you about. The one that your girl group of friends always giggled and squealed about, no matter how old and jaded you all have grown.
Those words ring in your ear but did you listen? Hell no. Not when you're in Taeyong's arms, his lips grazing against yours and his strong body enveloping yours. The gorgeous smile, the dark hair, the sharp eyes, the honeyed laugh and husky voice, not to mention the lithe, svelte body and that defined chin and jawline? Yes. Just everything about him screamed sexy.
Oh, and he was an older, well-experienced guy. What can possibly make him more irresistible than that?
For the longest time, you would come home with Jinkyung, and by default, run into Taeyong every weekend. His large form, that piercing gaze, and his infamous half-smirk would greet you and his younger sister whenever he would find you both at his apartment, waiting for him.
Jinkyung's friendship is more than a decade long with yours, so Taeyong's friendship is also a given for as long as you two know each other. When he graduated high school and moved out for college, you felt a pang in your chest at the knowledge that you wouldn't bump into him so much and see that dazzling smile of his.
But now that you're at NCIT, the same college that he's a TA at, you can't get rid of him if you even tried.
Sure, his protective older brother qualities still shine through, like the time he helped you and Jinkyung move into your shared apartment and advised you not to have any guys over apart from him, his friends and Xiaojun, yours and Jinkyung's male best friend. And he re-enforces that rule anytime he pops in, sometimes dropping off groceries from time to time and has a curfew and lecture about school safety etiquette and all that. It gets annoying at times, but that's what being a best friend to his sister gets you, and honestly, you can't imagine your life without either of the Lees in your life.
As for your relationship with Jinkyung, that's solid and there are no secrets between you two. You two tell each other almost everything, except for... the small details. The ones about Taeyong.
Your... indiscretions and occasional encounters, so to speak.
All she needs to know is that the reason you get home late most weekends is because of schoolwork, and that's partly the truth, if schoolwork meant Taeyong's bedsheets, his kisses on your skin and how his hands could effortlessly turn you into mush underneath them.
Somewhere between last spring break and now, the relationship with the older Lee began to get more serious. He found you bawling your eyes out, drunk at one of the college's popular bar hangouts. Your boyfriend at the time had just cheated and dumped you and you couldn't find Jinkyung or Xiaojun in the midst of the packed sea of bodies, music blaring, neon lights flashing, and drunk people everywhere.
Luckily, Taeyong found you at the worst possible time. Unfortunately, he witnessed just how unglued and pathetic you got and whisked you off into his car to sober up. He texted Jinkyung, letting her know that he took you to his place and watched over you after giving you water and advising you to go to sleep in his extra bedroom. He soothed your drunk rants and kissed away your tears, promising to kill the bastard that caused you such heartbreak and emotional distress.
You don't know what came over you at the time. Maybe it was the heartbreak or just him being so kind and sweet, maybe it was because of the rum you had been knocking back earlier, or just because of Taeyong's amazing ability to make any girl feel secure, special and safe. All you knew was that you lunged at him, lips pressed hard against his own, his strong arms anchoring around you.
You had half-expected him to push you away, but to your surprise, he pulled you closer, deepening the kiss while his strong body dominated your own. That night led to his bed and the sound of both your pants and moans, only fueled by the feelings and emotions you kept pent up for far too long.
It was inevitable really. But something changed that night. Both of you became a lot closer, he always seems to seek your presence and comfort, and you can't deny the magnet-like pull and draw towards him as time went on.
Over the semester, you and Taeyong continued sneaking around. It started off as fun, quickie flings or late-night booty calls here and there. With him, you realized the things that you and your ex used to do in your relationship, well, with Taeyong they just became ten times better. He was older and more experienced. Even though he could easily date other women, he seemed happy to spend most of his free time with you, and even risk a relationship.
"Wanna explain the marks on your neck?" Jinkyung asks with a quirked brow, scrutinizing you, sitting on the couch of your apartment with Xiaojun, as she waits for the kettle to finish boiling some tea.
"What marks?" Your voice jumps as you rub the said part, only to realize that your action makes it very suspicious.
She giggles as Xiaojun watches on curiously. "The fact that you are touching your neck right now makes it even more suspicious. Who's been messing with you?"
"You got a new boyfriend?" Xiaojun chimes in, trying to grab a packet of cookies before Jinkyung swats his hand, ignoring his whine, and fixes a stare towards your way.
"Hmm?" She stares at your expression, "Is it one of the guys from Robotics? Don't tell me it's Jaemin?"
"What? God no," you shut that down quickly. "No way. Who'd go out with Jaemin after the string of hearts that kid has broken?"
"Jaehyun from Computer Sciences? " Jinkyung ponders while stirring the packets of tea into her own cup of steaming water.
"He has a kid, Jinkyung," you roll your eyes at her and her horrible choices.
"So what? He's single and hot," Jinkyung scoffs at your sass. She looks at Xiaojun. "Is it Jun-jun?"
"Ewwww," you scrunch your face and look at Xiaojun in disgust. "I'm going to throw up. No, just, ewwwww."
"What wrong with dating me?" Xiaojun demands defensively, "I'm the perfect guy!"
"It's someone you don't know," you snort at them. You pour yourself some green tea, watching them in amusement.
"Well, who could it possibly be then?" Jinkyung rolls her eyes.
"Some guy," you wave it off. "He's just... we're just fucking around. Nothing serious, he's just a casual fuck buddy, that's all."
"See," Xiaojun frowns while plopping himself on the couch and crosses his arms. "That's all the kids want. Fuck buddies. Nothing but the sex."
"Oh, Jun-Jun. Don't worry," Jinkyung comes back and strokes his face comfortingly, placing his cup of tea in his hands. "There will be someone. You're smart and kind and not to mention, you look pretty good too."
"Yeah," you laugh, taking your cup. "You'll get a girl soon. You still a virgin?"
You ignore Xiaojun's glares as he raises his middle finger. Jinkyung snorts into her cup as she hides her laugh. "Very mature, Y/N."
"Hey, just wondering," you stick your tongue out at him.
"Fuck off," Xiaojun growls, sipping from his teacup and huffing. You can't help but notice how his eyes are flitting to Jinkyung from time to time when she isn't looking.
You know Xiaojun has it bad for Jinkyung and he has forever. Jinkyung, sweet Jinkyung, is just oblivious to the fact that her male best friend harbors something other than friendship for her. Not that you blame him. With her cuteness and bubbly personality, who wouldn't fall for her? And even though Xiaojun has plenty of experience with girls, with her, he seems at a loss of how to show his feelings. It's too bad because they would look perfect together.
But despite you constantly teasing him and hinting, your best girl friend is completely clueless and that might never change.
"Anyway," Jinkyung sits next to Xiaojun, scrolling on her phone while absentmindedly sipping. "My brother mentioned something about a party at his apartment on Saturday. You're going right, Y/N?"
"Um..." You gulp down a drink and set your cup on the counter. "Yeah. I guess."
She doesn't catch onto the fact you aren't even trying to hide the blush creeping up on your cheeks. Xiaojun does. His brown eyes catch your own gaze and squints his eyes, his mind quickly thinking and assessing.
You give him a threatening glare in warning before mouthing the words, 'Do NOT.'
His brow arches in question, still processing the possible suspect who left the dark marks on your throat and the reasoning behind it. You stare at him in another challenging stare. You just know that Xiaojun will never let this go and won't drop the subject unless he knows the truth.
So, with that being said...
"You know," Jinkyung smiles at Xiaojun while typing up on her cell, oblivious to your silent conversation. "It might be good for you to hang around some cute girls."
"Cute girls?" Xiaojun clears his throat. He glances at you as you pick at some chips.
"Don't you want a girlfriend?" she laughs at his dazed expression. "Seriously, do you like... like anyone?"
"Um..." his voice breaks. "Sorta..."
"Seriously? Who?" Jinkyung pokes him, "Come on! Tell me. Are they gonna come to the party?"
Xiaojun sighs as if Jinkyung has pulled all of the air out of him. You roll your eyes at the little heart to heart session they're having, realizing how dumb Jinkyung's oblivion makes her when it comes to Xiaojun's pining crush.
"S-something like that."
Jinkyung grins. "Then you should come!"
You hide the amused smirk as she's missing the obvious hint. What can you do when Xiaojun makes it painfully clear how much he wants her? He doesn't want cute girls. He wants her, and only her, regardless of her not even batting an eye in his direction.
You sip your drink as your cell vibrates on your pocket. You fish it out of your pocket, glance over to where your friends chat away, then to your cellphone, wondering who could be bothering you.
Taeyong: Hey, you free right now?
You stare at the message, trying to keep a neutral expression when Xiaojun's eyes shoot daggers into you as he can tell by the stupid grin on your lips who it is. You purse your lips and type away.
You: Currently drinking with Jun-jun and Jinkyung at my place.
Taeyong: Ditch them and come over. We can have some drinks and watch a movie.
You: Uh huh. Watch a movie, right. Sureeeeee.
Taeyong: Although to be honest, seeing your pretty ass next to me and feeling it too would make the movie more exciting.
You glance up and catch Xiaojun staring at you. "I'm gonna go make a sandwich. You guys want one?"
"Make one for me please!" Jinkyung doesn't pay you much attention, but Xiaojun keeps giving you the stink eye. You shake your head and wander towards the kitchen, tapping back a response.
"Who are you texting?"
"Who the fuck?!" You hiss, whirling around to see Xiaojun following behind you into the kitchen. "Goddammit Xiaojun! Don't go giving a girl a fright, man."
"Alright," Xiaojun stares at you expectantly, leaning against the counter. "Don't lie to me, Y/N. I can read right through you. Spill."
You scoff, bending to pull a sandwich platter from underneath the sink and moving to make some turkey sandwiches. "Don't know what you're talking about."
"It's Taeyong. Isn't it?" he snorts. You shoot a dangerous look, hoping it shuts him up.
"What makes you think it's Taeyong?" you mutter in annoyance, opening a bottle of mustard, pretending to play it off coolly.
"Unlike Jinkyung, I have eyes," Xiaojun drawls. He stands in the kitchen and takes a bottle from your hand, opening it with ease, not fazed at all by the piercing gaze you shoot him. He scoffs, "I mean, I see the way you two have been looking at each other."
"Fine. Just don't tell Jinkyung, okay?" You hold a knife midway in the air while gripping the loaf.
He nods and folds his arms across his chest. "Go on, spill."
"Taeyong and I... " you struggle to come up with a good word to describe your 'relationship'. "...have been hanging out together. Like a lot. Like a hella lot. If you say anything, I will strangle you in your sleep," you threatened. "And I'll tell Jinkyung that you like her too, how about that? Then how would you feel?"
He rubs his face and mumbles something under his breath. "Ugh. Fine. It's your call, but really, Y/N? Him? He's off-limits, remember?"
"Uh... I kinda blew that chance," you rub the back of your neck, tensing when Taeyong continues to reply to your texts. "Look. I really like him and if this is the only way I can have him, then fine."
Xiaojun's thick brows crease. He pauses, as if searching for the right words to say. "What if your heart gets broken again?"
"Then that will be my mistake," you give him a small smile, understanding the concern in his voice. Xiaojun has always been protective of both you and Jinkyung, just not always expressing it vocally. But you know deep inside, there's always been a pained silence between you and him. "Jun, relax, okay? I got it handled."
"Well..." he shrugs. "If you think so, fine, but if this blows up in your face, don't expect me not to tell her."
"Thanks, Jun-Jun," you grin. "Now... want to help me fix some sandwiches?"
'As my best friend, you're not allowed to like my brother. He's off-limits Y/N.'
Lee Jinkyung, one of your best friends since forever, has always warned you not to fall for her brother. Because Lee Taeyong is so good with girls that he probably left a trail of broken hearts and one-night stands in his path. He was the man your mother warned you about. The one that your girl group of friends always giggled and squealed about, no matter how old and jaded you all have grown.
Those words ring in your ear but did you listen? Hell no. Not when you're in Taeyong's arms, his lips grazing against yours and his strong body enveloping yours. The gorgeous smile, the dark hair, the sharp eyes, the honeyed laugh and husky voice, not to mention the lithe, svelte body and that defined chin and jawline? Yes. Just everything about him screamed sexy.
Oh, and he was an older, well-experienced guy. What can possibly make him more irresistible than that?
For the longest time, you would come home with Jinkyung, and by default, run into Taeyong every weekend. His large form, that piercing gaze, and his infamous half-smirk would greet you and his younger sister whenever he would find you both at his apartment, waiting for him.
Jinkyung's friendship is more than a decade long with yours, so Taeyong's friendship is also a given for as long as you two know each other. When he graduated high school and moved out for college, you felt a pang in your chest at the knowledge that you wouldn't bump into him so much and see that dazzling smile of his.
But now that you're at NCIT, the same college that he's a TA at, you can't get rid of him if you even tried.
Sure, his protective older brother qualities still shine through, like the time he helped you and Jinkyung move into your shared apartment and advised you not to have any guys over apart from him, his friends and Xiaojun, yours and Jinkyung's male best friend. And he re-enforces that rule anytime he pops in, sometimes dropping off groceries from time to time and has a curfew and lecture about school safety etiquette and all that. It gets annoying at times, but that's what being a best friend to his sister gets you, and honestly, you can't imagine your life without either of the Lees in your life.
As for your relationship with Jinkyung, that's solid and there are no secrets between you two. You two tell each other almost everything, except for... the small details. The ones about Taeyong.
Your... indiscretions and occasional encounters, so to speak.
All she needs to know is that the reason you get home late most weekends is because of schoolwork, and that's partly the truth, if schoolwork meant Taeyong's bedsheets, his kisses on your skin and how his hands could effortlessly turn you into mush underneath them.
Somewhere between last spring break and now, the relationship with the older Lee began to get more serious. He found you bawling your eyes out, drunk at one of the college's popular bar hangouts. Your boyfriend at the time had just cheated and dumped you and you couldn't find Jinkyung or Xiaojun in the midst of the packed sea of bodies, music blaring, neon lights flashing, and drunk people everywhere.
Luckily, Taeyong found you at the worst possible time. Unfortunately, he witnessed just how unglued and pathetic you got and whisked you off into his car to sober up. He texted Jinkyung, letting her know that he took you to his place and watched over you after giving you water and advising you to go to sleep in his extra bedroom. He soothed your drunk rants and kissed away your tears, promising to kill the bastard that caused you such heartbreak and emotional distress.
You don't know what came over you at the time. Maybe it was the heartbreak or just him being so kind and sweet, maybe it was because of the rum you had been knocking back earlier, or just because of Taeyong's amazing ability to make any girl feel secure, special and safe. All you knew was that you lunged at him, lips pressed hard against his own, his strong arms anchoring around you.
You had half-expected him to push you away, but to your surprise, he pulled you closer, deepening the kiss while his strong body dominated your own. That night led to his bed and the sound of both your pants and moans, only fueled by the feelings and emotions you kept pent up for far too long.
It was inevitable really. But something changed that night. Both of you became a lot closer, he always seems to seek your presence and comfort, and you can't deny the magnet-like pull and draw towards him as time went on.
Over the semester, you and Taeyong continued sneaking around. It started off as fun, quickie flings or late-night booty calls here and there. With him, you realized the things that you and your ex used to do in your relationship, well, with Taeyong they just became ten times better. He was older and more experienced. Even though he could easily date other women, he seemed happy to spend most of his free time with you, and even risk a relationship.
"Wanna explain the marks on your neck?" Jinkyung asks with a quirked brow, scrutinizing you, sitting on the couch of your apartment with Xiaojun, as she waits for the kettle to finish boiling some tea.
"What marks?" Your voice jumps as you rub the said part, only to realize that your action makes it very suspicious.
She giggles as Xiaojun watches on curiously. "The fact that you are touching your neck right now makes it even more suspicious. Who's been messing with you?"
"You got a new boyfriend?" Xiaojun chimes in, trying to grab a packet of cookies before Jinkyung swats his hand, ignoring his whine, and fixes a stare towards your way.
"Hmm?" She stares at your expression, "Is it one of the guys from Robotics? Don't tell me it's Jaemin?"
"What? God no," you shut that down quickly. "No way. Who'd go out with Jaemin after the string of hearts that kid has broken?"
"Jaehyun from Computer Sciences? " Jinkyung ponders while stirring the packets of tea into her own cup of steaming water.
"He has a kid, Jinkyung," you roll your eyes at her and her horrible choices.
"So what? He's single and hot," Jinkyung scoffs at your sass. She looks at Xiaojun. "Is it Jun-jun?"
"Ewwww," you scrunch your face and look at Xiaojun in disgust. "I'm going to throw up. No, just, ewwwww."
"What wrong with dating me?" Xiaojun demands defensively, "I'm the perfect guy!"
"It's someone you don't know," you snort at them. You pour yourself some green tea, watching them in amusement.
"Well, who could it possibly be then?" Jinkyung rolls her eyes.
"Some guy," you wave it off. "He's just... we're just fucking around. Nothing serious, he's just a casual fuck buddy, that's all."
"See," Xiaojun frowns while plopping himself on the couch and crosses his arms. "That's all the kids want. Fuck buddies. Nothing but the sex."
"Oh, Jun-Jun. Don't worry," Jinkyung comes back and strokes his face comfortingly, placing his cup of tea in his hands. "There will be someone. You're smart and kind and not to mention, you look pretty good too."
"Yeah," you laugh, taking your cup. "You'll get a girl soon. You still a virgin?"
You ignore Xiaojun's glares as he raises his middle finger. Jinkyung snorts into her cup as she hides her laugh. "Very mature, Y/N."
"Hey, just wondering," you stick your tongue out at him.
"Fuck off," Xiaojun growls, sipping from his teacup and huffing. You can't help but notice how his eyes are flitting to Jinkyung from time to time when she isn't looking.
You know Xiaojun has it bad for Jinkyung and he has forever. Jinkyung, sweet Jinkyung, is just oblivious to the fact that her male best friend harbors something other than friendship for her. Not that you blame him. With her cuteness and bubbly personality, who wouldn't fall for her? And even though Xiaojun has plenty of experience with girls, with her, he seems at a loss of how to show his feelings. It's too bad because they would look perfect together.
But despite you constantly teasing him and hinting, your best girl friend is completely clueless and that might never change.
"Anyway," Jinkyung sits next to Xiaojun, scrolling on her phone while absentmindedly sipping. "My brother mentioned something about a party at his apartment on Saturday. You're going right, Y/N?"
"Um..." You gulp down a drink and set your cup on the counter. "Yeah. I guess."
She doesn't catch onto the fact you aren't even trying to hide the blush creeping up on your cheeks. Xiaojun does. His brown eyes catch your own gaze and squints his eyes, his mind quickly thinking and assessing.
You give him a threatening glare in warning before mouthing the words, 'Do NOT.'
His brow arches in question, still processing the possible suspect who left the dark marks on your throat and the reasoning behind it. You stare at him in another challenging stare. You just know that Xiaojun will never let this go and won't drop the subject unless he knows the truth.
So, with that being said...
"You know," Jinkyung smiles at Xiaojun while typing up on her cell, oblivious to your silent conversation. "It might be good for you to hang around some cute girls."
"Cute girls?" Xiaojun clears his throat. He glances at you as you pick at some chips.
"Don't you want a girlfriend?" she laughs at his dazed expression. "Seriously, do you like... like anyone?"
"Um..." his voice breaks. "Sorta..."
"Seriously? Who?" Jinkyung pokes him, "Come on! Tell me. Are they gonna come to the party?"
Xiaojun sighs as if Jinkyung has pulled all of the air out of him. You roll your eyes at the little heart to heart session they're having, realizing how dumb Jinkyung's oblivion makes her when it comes to Xiaojun's pining crush.
"S-something like that."
Jinkyung grins. "Then you should come!"
You hide the amused smirk as she's missing the obvious hint. What can you do when Xiaojun makes it painfully clear how much he wants her? He doesn't want cute girls. He wants her, and only her, regardless of her not even batting an eye in his direction.
You sip your drink as your cell vibrates on your pocket. You fish it out of your pocket, glance over to where your friends chat away, then to your cellphone, wondering who could be bothering you.
Taeyong: Hey, you free right now?
You stare at the message, trying to keep a neutral expression when Xiaojun's eyes shoot daggers into you as he can tell by the stupid grin on your lips who it is. You purse your lips and type away.
You: Currently drinking with Jun-jun and Jinkyung at my place.
Taeyong: Ditch them and come over. We can have some drinks and watch a movie.
You: Uh huh. Watch a movie, right. Sureeeeee.
Taeyong: Although to be honest, seeing your pretty ass next to me and feeling it too would make the movie more exciting.
You glance up and catch Xiaojun staring at you. "I'm gonna go make a sandwich. You guys want one?"
"Make one for me please!" Jinkyung doesn't pay you much attention, but Xiaojun keeps giving you the stink eye. You shake your head and wander towards the kitchen, tapping back a response.
"Who are you texting?"
"Who the fuck?!" You hiss, whirling around to see Xiaojun following behind you into the kitchen. "Goddammit Xiaojun! Don't go giving a girl a fright, man."
"Alright," Xiaojun stares at you expectantly, leaning against the counter. "Don't lie to me, Y/N. I can read right through you. Spill."
You scoff, bending to pull a sandwich platter from underneath the sink and moving to make some turkey sandwiches. "Don't know what you're talking about."
"It's Taeyong. Isn't it?" he snorts. You shoot a dangerous look, hoping it shuts him up.
"What makes you think it's Taeyong?" you mutter in annoyance, opening a bottle of mustard, pretending to play it off coolly.
"Unlike Jinkyung, I have eyes," Xiaojun drawls. He stands in the kitchen and takes a bottle from your hand, opening it with ease, not fazed at all by the piercing gaze you shoot him. He scoffs, "I mean, I see the way you two have been looking at each other."
"Fine. Just don't tell Jinkyung, okay?" You hold a knife midway in the air while gripping the loaf.
He nods and folds his arms across his chest. "Go on, spill."
"Taeyong and I... " you struggle to come up with a good word to describe your 'relationship'. "...have been hanging out together. Like a lot. Like a hella lot. If you say anything, I will strangle you in your sleep," you threatened. "And I'll tell Jinkyung that you like her too, how about that? Then how would you feel?"
He rubs his face and mumbles something under his breath. "Ugh. Fine. It's your call, but really, Y/N? Him? He's off-limits, remember?"
"Uh... I kinda blew that chance," you rub the back of your neck, tensing when Taeyong continues to reply to your texts. "Look. I really like him and if this is the only way I can have him, then fine."
Xiaojun's thick brows crease. He pauses, as if searching for the right words to say. "What if your heart gets broken again?"
"Then that will be my mistake," you give him a small smile, understanding the concern in his voice. Xiaojun has always been protective of both you and Jinkyung, just not always expressing it vocally. But you know deep inside, there's always been a pained silence between you and him. "Jun, relax, okay? I got it handled."
"Well..." he shrugs. "If you think so, fine, but if this blows up in your face, don't expect me not to tell her."
"Thanks, Jun-Jun," you grin. "Now... want to help me fix some sandwiches?"
Taeyong answers the door and wastes no time. His muscled arm sweeps over to grip your waist as his lips meet yours in a desperate, impatient kiss. The force sends you two backwards as he kicks the door shut behind him and grips both arms tightly around you.
"Missed you," he mutters against your neck as you slide your hands into his thick, silken strands and wrap your legs around his waist.
"Missed you more," your mouth finds his again as he strides with ease towards the couch and allows gravity to pull you down on the leather sofa below, his body hovering on top of yours.
His lips leave a hot, burning trail down your throat, nipping at your skin and licking your collar bone before sucking lightly.
"Don't start," you warn, breathing deeply at the contact. "Jinkyung was asking about the ones you left on me the other day. I had to say that I'm fucking around with a guy she doesn't know."
Taeyong flops on the couch next to you and places both hands behind his head, closing his eyes. He hums to himself as the leather fabric creaks beneath him and flashes a smug, mischievous smile. "Why don't we just tell her? About us."
Your eyes flicker and widen. "Are... are you crazy?"
He tilts his head, cracking open one eye. "Why not? Y/N, I've wanted to ask you for awhile. Why not?"
You pause, searching for the right words, the safest ones. Because his tone and voice sound a bit too serious and... real. Taeyong doesn't usually get into anything remotely serious and is definitely not someone you would expect to talk about the future and his feelings.
"Taeyong," you shift in the seat next to him, sighing. "It's complicated."
"How so? My sister is grown, a legal adult," his eyes find yours as you reach a hand out and trace the skin of his neck and his strong shoulders. He shivers, then whispers. "Just let me take care of you, Y/N."
A pang of desire floods through you at the hungry way his dark gaze takes your form, the deep tone of his voice commanding and hungry. You clear your throat, the last bits of uncertainty ebbing away.
"Because... I love your sister and she would be furious, never mind that she told me herself that you are completely off-limits since high school," you turn away and feel yourself drown in those fathomless black orbs of his. "So... it would hurt her, right? Imagine if she finds that her best friend was sleeping with her older brother behind her back."
He presses a hot, lingering kiss to the skin of your neck, inhaling the sweet scent of your perfume. He drops his hands onto your hips, gripping possessively.
"Baby..." his voice was husky, heated, the tone turning into a soft moan. "Please."
"I like you Taeyong. I really do but..." you hesitate as his eyes harden and his voice cools a few degrees. "Can't we just keep it simple?"
He goes rigid. "Simple? Does this," he points between you and him, then gestures around the apartment, "feel simple to you, Y/N?"
"Taeyong..."
"Because to me it fucking doesn't," he continues, sitting back and crossing his muscled arms in that sexy, intimidating manner. "So no, Y/N, no matter how hard I try and how many times I tell myself, I can't pretend like we're not nothing."
A pitiful sigh leaves your lips. Your face drops. "You're right. But... Taeyong, I can't risk my friendship with Jinkyung."
"What about me?" He quirks his brow, studying your face for a moment, eyes analyzing. His head shakes. "Let's just forget it. I'm too damn selfish when it comes to you, anyways."
You tilt your head in confusion and the side of his lips pull upward into an affectionate, warm smile. "What is this between us Taeyong?" Your hand touches his cheek, cupping it gently.
His eyes flit close, basking in the warmth of the feel of your fingers. "Nothing simple, baby. Nothing simple. This isn't some fling to me anymore. This isn't a hookup for the college fun or weekend kicks. This..." His gaze flicks open, looking at you seriously. "... is real." He leans in and softly traces the skin of your cheek, letting his touch trail a path to the corner of your lips. "What am I to you?"
You stop and your breath quickens at the sudden rush of emotions flowing between you two.
"The only exception to all the rules," you whisper in a trance.
He laughs, but his eyes were serious, curious, studying. "And why is that?"
"Because..." You shut your eyes, and there it was, right in the middle, his heartbeat was there against your lips. "I really, really like you, Lee Taeyong. And I couldn't resist you if I tried." Your lips crash, and both of you burn, fall into flames as your arms encircled and tighten around his neck.
"I'm tired of hiding it from everyone, baby, including me and you. I love being able to do this," his lips latch around the tender flesh of your exposed neck, causing your moans and gasp to spill into the living room air, "and I want you all the time."
"The feeling is mutual," you whisper against his mouth, teeth scraping and sucking against the edge of his bottom lip.
A groan rumbles in the center of his chest. Taeyong grips around your back tightly, pulling you on top of him to straddle his lap. You allow yourself to get lost in his warm and protective arms, the safety and comfort you feel with him surrounding you as you find yourself looking back up into the hypnotizing dark orbs he possesses.
Your mouths were molded, desperate, urgent.
"Y/N," he utters hoarsely, tugging at the front of your blouse as the buttons break loose in the palms of his hands. "Fuck."
"You're going to have to buy me a new shirt now," you grumble teasingly as he yanks the useless material over and discards it in a heap somewhere behind the sofa.
His deep, velvety chuckle travels right to the center of you, igniting that dull and growing burn of desire. "Fine, babe, anything for you."
"Anything?" You arch a brow, whispering as your hands work feverishly, removing his belt and allowing it to drop to the carpeted ground.
His kisses trail up from your chest and you can't contain the heat of his touch, or how it burns beneath your flesh. Your fingers are fast in slipping his shirt up and off, and the soft hair of his abs is on the edges of your fingertips, the sight of his gorgeous chest making your pulse accelerate and hammer furiously.
"God... yes..." you moan softly when his mouth moves upward and he sucks that spot right behind your ear. Taeyong smirks triumphantly.
"Who knew my sister's best friend was a kinky little thing?" He purrs, nipping at your skin there. Your heart seizes in your chest. He notices the slight reaction, the jump that escapes. His eyes turn slightly to glint with caution as he carefully backs away to observe. "Baby," he prods.
"Yeah?" Your breath shudders as your fingers comb through his thick hair and his teeth latch themselves around the delicate slope of your shoulder.
"I know a better place to leave my marks on you," he kisses a trail between your breasts and you whimper, enjoying the slow torment as he leans in closer. He lays you on the couch, hikes up the skirt around your waist, and wets his lips. "Somewhere where no one but us would know..." he peels away the thin, lace material of your panties slowly, baring the junction in between, your arousal apparent, "somewhere secret, only for me."
"Y/N? Y/N!"
You jolt and look up, snapping out of the thoughts that were flooding your mind. Professor Suh's, no Johnny's, girlfriend is looking at you with concern. You wonder how Aimee ended up bagging a man like Johnny, as he's ridiculously tall and a total man's man, who likes to drink his coffee black with whiskey, read scientific journals, and workout every morning, despite being a busy professor for the biomedical engineering department.
Aimee looks at you in concern and you remember the struggles she went through a few months ago when everyone found out that she was seeing her professor. At first, no one knew that they were involved, but the college soon heard wind of their forbidden relationship.
But their love was real. Their passion and dedication to their feelings for each other is something you would aspire to one day have. A relationship as complex and confusing and messy, but meaningful all at once. It sounds almost surreal.
Johnny had decided to step down, no longer wanting to deal with the drama and commotion it was bringing. But the board couldn't find anyone to take his position and reinstated him as professor with pay raise. Although it's obvious he did it to be able to maintain the relationship with Aimee without issues or complications. It took a lot of convincing for the administration board to allow the two to have a chance. But the reasoning was simple. Despite the complications, the two had proved that it was just pure, genuine love between the pair, the bond between them was indestructible.
Their passion, despite being forbidden, was one of those unique types that couldn't be torn down no matter how hard the force. Their feelings were real. And they stayed real. And Aimee stuck with Johnny despite everyone else telling her she was making the wrong decision. In the end, it was decided that Johnny and Aimee could still see each other as long as the latter isn't in Johnny's classes.
"Sorry," you straighten in your seat and place down your iced latte on the marble table.
She frowns and continues looking over to her right and stares out across the terrace. "Where were you? Daydreaming again?"
"Yes..." you eye her from your peripherals. "A lot has been on my mind."
"Taeyong?" You arch a brow. Aimee turns back to face you and flashes her charming, bright smile and stirs her drink nonchalantly. "I'm not one to judge. I had that whole forbidden thing with Johnny, remember? I understand you. Honestly, I do. But hey, at least you're not his student. Small wins."
"You're one of the handful that knows about us," your shoulders sink at the revelation. "I can't tell Jinkyung that I'm sleeping with her older brother."
You got to be good friends with Aimee because of your relationship with Taeyong. She knew about the two of you before you even knew there was something to label about your bond. She's smart, intellectual, and sophisticated. You love Jinkyung, you truly do, but with Aimee, you can always talk to her about certain things and topics you would never share with your best friend.
Like your relationship with Taeyong.
"Listen, Y/N, and think about what I'm about to say, okay?" Aimee's expression turns serious. She watches and gauges your reaction, curious as you take another sip from your drink and stare down at the creamy substance. She takes a deep breath and purses her lips, "Have you considered telling her the truth about what is going on between you and her brother?"
"Not just yet," you drawl. "I think that it's better this way. If things end, the less drama and chaos that ensues. Trust me. You know me, Aims. I would do whatever it takes to protect her, to shield her."
She winces a bit, and her body is visibly stiff. There's a grim and heavy pause. "But do YOU want to end things with him? You deserve just as much happiness. Forget about Jinkyung and worry about yourself for once. It's okay, you know? To follow your own happiness and lead."
She's right. So why is it difficult for you to grasp and make a decision? What holds you back? What has you feeling uneasy, anxious, and out of control? You suppose it is true when they said feelings can't be helped.
"It's weird. I mean..." you pause for a few beats, swirling the half-melted ice inside your glass. You choose your words carefully, knowing full well she is willing to help, willing to listen, and always has been. "We keep arguing about not labeling what's between us, but at the same time... I think a part of him wants to label what we are."
"Look. I had that trouble, remember?"
Johnny comes up from behind and presses a quick peck on her lips, earning a teasing grimace from her and a boyish, crooked smirk in response from his. Aimee sits up and makes a gesture to offer him her seat. But he waves the offer off.
"What trouble?" He adjusts his glasses, shoving the hair from his face. His eyes quickly find yours. "What did I miss?"
Aimee stands and slips beside him, both arms looping around his waist. She pulls him down to her height. Her lips find his for a brief moment, a hint of a playful, affectionate look shared between them. "Oh, I was just telling Y/N how I was on the receiving end of a forbidden relationship not too long ago," Aimee casually admits as if it's the simplest thing.
"Ahhh," he nods in realization. "Trouble in Taeyong paradise?"
"You can say that," you sigh, not realizing it slipped from your tongue, because suddenly both of their pairs of eyes turn to you.
"Listen. We have our issues, yes, but at least we can sort them out openly," Aimee presses a palm against Johnny's chest. "Right, baby?"
He grins and pulls her even closer, pecking the tip of her nose with a fond smile. "Definitely."
"Guys, please. I already have enough drama on my plate," you cover your face with a palm. "It's honestly just getting... really difficult."
"You can only talk things out by talking, Y/N," Johnny adds seriously. "Taeyong really cares for you, and I've seen the way you look at each other. If his sister can't accept that fact that her best friend and brother care deeply about each other, then she'll have to learn. You've sacrificed your life long friendship long enough for her. Why don't you put yourself first this time? Both you and him?"
Yeah, they're right, aren't they? You've been hiding the truth to protect yourself. To shield Jinkyung's heart from betrayal. To hold the truth so that you can maintain the dynamic relationship the two of you have had for years. But to hell with that. You should do what makes you happy. After all, isn't that what you deserve the most?
And right now, more than anything, what makes you truly, genuinely happy, is being with Taeyong. No matter the conflicts, arguments, or the complicated and messy, undetermined path in front of you two.
"Damn. You're right," you agree, letting out an anxious sigh. You have to finally put yourself before someone else's happiness. "I really like him too. So much that it scares me."
Aimee and Johnny share a meaningful look of affection with one another and take in their surroundings. The university's quad is covered with cherry blossom trees, creating a soft atmosphere where students can study on picnic blankets or walk together, and where couples sit together while enjoying their afternoon lunch.
"There's a lesson learned every day," Johnny squeezes Aimee tighter against his chest and smiles brightly. "Love and emotions don't come easy, so we have to take chances to feel that heart-fluttering, heart racing, thrilling sort of emotions, that warmth. When you do, it's a moment worth all the difficulties, worth taking the risks. Chances can break hearts, sure, but in the end, the sacrifice would always be worth it when you have the love that's pure."
"Stop being poetic, baby," Aimee elbows him softly. "You're being such a nerd."
"I'm your nerd," Johnny turns and kisses her deeply.
She grumbles. "Johnny..."
"Love you," he rasps and kisses her again.
"Hey, get a room," a familiar voice calls. You turn to find Yuta and Taeyong waving, walking up to the terrace of the campus cafe.
"Good morning!" Yuta beams, waltzing to you and Aimee and slinging an arm around your shoulders, a flirty wink thrown your way. "How is my cutie Y/N doing? You're as lovely as always."
Taeyong pulls his arm away and presses his body protectively between yours and Yuta's. "Do you ever stop flirting? One of these days, someone is going to fall for your smooth shit, idiot. Get a girl of your own."
Yuta clicks his tongue, leaning back casually and balancing the weight on the edge of his toes. He tsks and winks mischievously. "Yeah, yeah. Forgot that you two are in this super secret, mysterious, undefined thing that you don't want anyone else to know. Lucky you."
"You tell anyone..." Taeyong's eyes darken, his tone is an intimidating, stern warning.
"Dude, I wouldn't dare," Yuta laughs, his hands up defensively. "Don't need cutie Y/N murder me in my sleep with her pocket knife."
"How did you know I have a pocket knife?" You asked jokingly, waggling your brows.
"Damn, I need to lock my apartment," Yuta exclaims and glances over at you and his friends in fake terror. Taeyong pats him on the back in mock comfort and chuckles deeply. "Oh by the way, you're coming to the party right? The one at Taeyong's?"
"Of course I'll be there," you quickly answer and shrug. "Why wouldn't I? Besides, free food."
"...and other stuff," Yuta coughs to himself, pretending he never uttered a word, and gives a look of innocence. "Great! Anyways, I gotta get going. Later losers. Byeee."
Johnny snorts, shoves his glasses higher, and loops an arm possessively around his girlfriend's slender form. "What a social butterfly. Off to annoy other people. Damn."
Aimee smiles in amusement. "I shudder to think if he and Haechan teamed up together wreaking havoc."
"They'll blow up a building," Johnny states seriously and lets out an exhausted sigh. "Let's go make sure your friends and mine don't wreak destruction over campus."
As Johnny and Aimee wander off hand in hand, laughing together, a soft tug on your elbow alerts you of the presence and heated feel of skin. Your hand drops to meet a palm and intertwine perfectly. A strange calm and electrifying jolt follows, and your head whips to face his own.
"Hey," you whisper breathlessly, staring deep into the orbs of his eyes, feeling the magnetic pull and invisible string that is beckoning you.
"Hey," he parrots, gently dragging the tips of his calloused finger over the inside of your wrist, then your hand, then traces your fingertips. "About what we talked about last night... baby, I don't care if people find out about us. I mean, fuck, I don't want you sneaking out at three a.m. in the morning anymore either. I want us to sleep next to each other until the fucking sun burns the city into nothing but ash. Fuck, I don't care what everyone thinks."
Tears prick your eyes. "You really mean that?" Your words are shaky and emotional, a shaky sob ripping past your lips as you're pulled closer into his body. The overwhelming presence is comforting.
"I would never lie, ever," he responds instantly. The depth and strength is evident and raw. "Especially when it comes to us."
You shut your eyes tight, taking in the man in front of you and smiling contently. You interlock your fingers with his and grip him, signaling him that the feeling and intensity of feelings you share is mutual.
He stares at you, all stars and sparkles. Eyes wide, big, round, full. His eyelashes brush your skin when he leans down and captures your lips in a sweet, delicate kiss. He wants to tell you that he's hopelessly in love with you. He wants to tell you that you are his anchor, his rock, the steady ground he seeks to keep him stable, composed, and sure. He wants to tell you how special, kind, beautiful, brilliant, unique, and breathtaking you are, the person who has shown him how to live.
And that he doesn't care about the complicated world outside. Only yours and him. Together.
As long as you're standing by his side, nothing and no one else matters.
You're standing next to Jinkyung at the party Taeyong is throwing, sipping slowly on a rum and coke concoction in a red cup. Taeyong's talking to a few of his Computer Sciences students, holding a beer in hand, a toothy grin directed to two female students you're not familiar with. It bothers you a little bit, when their fingers touch and they laugh in amusement together. When their giggling increases, so does your annoyance, because the second they touch him again, your shoulders become tense and your lip pouts a tad bit. You're not jealous, of course. Definitely not.
Yuta leans against the wall near the two females, an obvious display of flirting, the female students all giggly and smitten.
"Hey, are you okay?" Jinkyung calls over, concerned. She tilts her head to the side, examining your posture.
"Yeah, yeah, it's nothing," you lie, feigning innocence.
Jinkyung examines the slight crease between your eyes, the way your fingers grip tighter against the red solo cup, the way your eyebrows slightly twitch. But you're good at hiding the insecurities bubbling beneath, at disguising how you're really feeling.
"He's up to his old tricks again, I know. Watch, he's gonna get bored eventually, move onto his next target," Jinkyung takes another quick glance between her brother and you before huffing out and muttering under her breath, "I know you're always careful around him, Y/N. He may be nice to you but I just don't want you get hurt by him," she says to you before she dismisses herself and floats effortlessly through the party, mingling.
You know he won't hurt you, no he couldn't, at least from what he's been whispering into your ears and all the late nights he spends confessing his thoughts to you, laying chest to chest. It's hard not to read the genuine emotion in his eyes, to know that it isn't some fluke or faux emotions. The way you feel about him and him to you is as real as the gravity beneath your feet.
But who can you really be sure? Especially when Jinkyung's words stab into your body and heart?
That is, until you sense a presence at your side, pulling your wrist and gently rubbing the heel of your palm with his fingertips. Yuta stands next to you, arm draped across your shoulders in casual friendliness. Your head whirls to face him, only to see his smile beaming.
"Something happen, cutie? Why the long face?" His fingers begin to dance teasingly and flitter around the bottom of your sleeve and wrist, feather-soft. "Wanna talk about it? I'm a very good listener."
If Taeyong sees that Yuta is talking to you, he doesn't care. He continues to talk to the girls surrounding him in the corner of the room, sharing another round of laughter and anecdotes, followed by the rest of the female students who are totally mesmerized and under Taeyong's trance. You internally growl, wanting nothing more than to slap their hands off of his bare, sculpted arm, and storm across the room to stake your claim.
Yuta clears his throat to capture your attention. "So?" Yuta inquires. "What's wrong, Y/N?"
Your gaze shifts to Taeyong, his shoulders taunt, tight, muscles flexed as he lifts his arms above his head, shirt hiking up and exposing his washboard stomach. You swallow thickly, clearing your throat. "Nothing, everything's fine," you lie, putting on your best facade and faking a wide smile.
Yuta follows your line of sight and grins wickedly, nodding his head towards the scene unfolding across the room, teasing the female students, biting his lip in a flirtatious manner. "Girl, don't worry. He ain't going anywhere, especially not with that crowd of women waiting for his undivided attention."
"Whoa, I'm not worried about who he's talking to. He can do whatever he pleases," you defend instantly, throwing your hands up and giving Yuta a sharp side-eyed glare.
"Oh, of course. Silly me, thinking you are jealous," Yuta winks playfully, placing a comforting, gentle hand on your shoulder and sighing exaggeratedly. He leans down and whispers, just loud enough so the eavesdropping girls hear. "But if you were worried, I would totally step in," his deep timbre resonates into your bones, fluttering in your chest. "Just say the word."
You raise a single brow and reach across the space separating the both of you, jabbing the man right in the ribs. He howls, throwing his head back and grimacing as his entire body curls inwards, cupping the sore area with a comically pouty lip.
"I don't need a knight in shining armor," you laugh, grinning. "I'm not jealous."
You really are a terrible liar. And even though you've mastered the ability to deceive and hide the way you are feeling most of the time, when it comes to him, all he has to do is tilt his head just a fraction of an inch and the crinkles form at the corner of his eyes and you find your heart stuttering out of beat and words dangling precariously.
"Go get some fresh air and maybe you won't seem so annoyed," Yuta suggests and pats your shoulder one more time, jostling you from the stupor. "But if you feel up for a distraction, my offer from earlier still stands. I could totally help out. I have amazing diversionary techniques and skills. It'll help with your frustration."
"Thanks for the offer, Yuta, but no thank you," you find yourself smiling up at him genuinely, "I'm gonna turn it down. Again."
He laughs at your deadpanned expression and shrugs, placing his hands up and backing away with a smug, lazy smile.
"Your loss, I'm very good looking and charming. Very hard to resist," Yuta reminds and twirls around, his lean figure gracefully maneuvering the crowd of party attendees.
And maybe, Yuta does have his qualities. Yes, he's very handsome and extremely charming. Most females swoon over his confident and quirky persona. And maybe, just maybe if things were different, if it weren't for this gorgeous and generous and honest man, you would take Yuta up on his offer to have a bit of fun.
Maybe.
But there was Taeyong and there is only Taeyong and the simple and pure fact that your body craves his, you pine after his touch and miss him when he isn't near.
And Yuta definitely wasn't Taeyong. There wasn't a chance you'd ever give into his advances, even if the opportunity were to present itself again in the future.
You were so lost in thought that you didn't notice someone leading you away from the rowdy noise of the music and the squealing crowd of party goers, stumbling towards a quieter place, his palm gentle, reassuring against your back. His touch burned through your clothes, as if his fingertips could feel directly against the heat radiating off your skin.
You didn't even realize the stranger guiding you was the center of your desire until you found yourselves tucked behind a dark, private, corner and pressed flush against his chest, your nose bumping softly and intimately against his warm collarbones, palms spread out against his ribs, your breathing synced and sped up.
"Shhh, baby. Just breathe," he reassured, his thumbs gently rubbing the nape of your neck, moving in soft and slow circles.
When did Taeyong arrive? You're not sure. All you can think about, focus on, smell and feel is his rich, natural scent and how his hands were playing with your strands of your hair, tousling them affectionately.
His face moves to brush against yours, mouth caressing along your cheeks, trailing light kisses to the curve of your jaw until his plush lips hover delicately along the shell of your ear. "Shhhh," he soothed once more. "Shhhhh. Everything is fine, baby."
Your eyes flutter shut when his mouth moves to place a chaste kiss to your temple. "Breathe," he repeats before lightly pecking the tip of your nose, bringing both hands to your face, framing your features within his grip. "I miss you."
"I miss you too," you say, burying your face into his shirt, clutching tightly, never wanting to let him go. His fingers begin to knead comforting circles to the base of your skull. And fuck, nothing is more soothing than his gentle ministrations.
You allow the calming silence to lull your chaotic, frazzled thoughts, his touch bringing relief and peace to your frenzied heart and anxious nerves. And as you slowly settle back into him, breathing normally, his hold loosening as well. He leads you backwards to sit on a nearby bench, arm curling over your shoulders, bringing his other to hold onto your palm. You interlock your digits, leaning further into his body, resting your head against his strong muscles.
"Wanna talk about it?" he nudges tenderly, exhaling.
"Jinkyung warned me to be careful, about not trusting you and that this was just another one of your schemes," you breathe against him, voice low. "But I don't want to be careful, not with you." You hate how pitiful your voice sounds. It's small and unsure, cracked under the surface. "And when I see those girls talking to you…" you begin, unsure of where exactly you were going. "I just feel annoyed."
"Y/N, hear me out, okay?" Taeyong's brows knit together. His face becomes a focused, stern expression, deep and intense, burning through you. "Baby, you don't have to be jealous. This, what I feel for you is not a joke, not a game. Fuck. You know how many women approach me, proposition me, constantly throwing themselves at me?" You feel your stomach begin to flip. You clench your teeth, unsure what he was trying to get at. "I don't want that, not for one minute, and not from the start. Yeah, maybe I've said that in the past but they mean absolutely nothing to me. Not when you exist."
Fuck. How do you respond to such declarations? When he's practically laying his emotions open, bare and raw. Not only are the words sweet, but the tone is full and genuine, making every syllable, vowel, and consonant drip with an earnest and meaningful confession.
Taeyong inhales once again, allowing himself a second to regain his composure. He tugs you in by your waist, circling his arms protectively around you, cupping your nape and the side of your face gently. "You're the only one who matters, so believe me and trust me when I say, that every part of my body, heart, and soul is yours, completely and utterly yours and it only wants you, needs you." He presses his lips to yours softly. "Let me show you, let me prove it to you," and it's so soft and so tender. You swear your heart thuds a beat at his hushed pleads. "Let me love you."
God, Taeyong, your brain seems to have short-circuited. His eyes pierce into you, fierce and intense, bottomless, passionate, burning. It's like you are being lit on fire, in flames. The intensity radiates and sears. You can't even comprehend it anymore. It's the truest and most sincere confession of his feelings you've ever received and it's blowing your mind, causing your breathing to falter and quicken.
"I love you Y/N, completely and utterly, and I don't care if I have to shout it across campus, climb every billboard and streetlamp, write it all across the night sky or make sure the entire world knows. "
"I love you too," you mutter, "so, so much."
You allow Taeyong to crash his soft, plush lips into yours, melting into him until your breathless and his lips have you so incredibly drunk. "Let's go somewhere more private, yeah?" he suggests, holding you tightly into his embrace.
"There are people everywhere in your apartment, Taeyong," you smile wryly, only pulling back momentarily and slinking an arm around his torso.
"But no one's in my bedroom," he muses and waggles his eyebrows suggestively. "You want some?" He kisses you again, and it's short and sweet, like he can't help but taste you even if only briefly. "'Cause baby, I am the absolute best dessert."
You roll your eyes as he leads you by the wrist, making sure no one sees, into the familiar privacy of his room. The door closes, shuts, and latches tightly with an echoing click. And when you both move to lay against the sheets and pillows, he tugs you on top of him and his lips find their way back against yours.
"Don't know how you're in the mood to fuck when you have guests over," you laugh, allowing his touch and grip to dictate the speed at which this moment was happening.
Taeyong moans softly against your jaw. "Baby, just let me love you, okay," he growls and hooks both wrists around your thighs. "even if it's a quickie." He places soft, sensual, wet pecks along your exposed collar bones. "And then, when everyone goes home, I promise I'll give you all my attention and time," Taeyong moves his hands upwards under your skirt, hooking a finger under your thong and tugs it aside and swipes a tentative digit through your center, smirking against the pulse of your heartbeat as he teases you.
You take this moment to focus on his features, sharp yet somehow soft, angular yet full, a sculpted, immaculate structure of pure lust and masculinity. God, you are fucking whipped and not to mention completely in love with everything about him. There were nights where his entire form was carved behind your lids, so deep you could never rid him from the walls of your psyche.
He hovers above you, arms boxing in around you, knees apart, strong thighs trapping you beneath him as you wrap your fingers in his soft locks and lead him directly downwards in a hungry and desperate kiss, all teeth and tongue and sloppy and needy, aching and hot and desperate.
When Taeyong tugs your thong to the side, pressing his thumb directly onto your aching nub, you practically bite his bottom lip off, sinking your teeth into him and clawing along his clothed broad shoulders.
The pressure from his thumb, rotating, circling your clit was so fucking agonizingly good, you whimper against the moistness between the both of you, whining as his free fingers, plentiful and thick, sink within you, dragging out painfully and torturously, tauntingly slow. You arch against him and gasp aloud, shivering beneath the meticulous pressure.
"Taeyong, hurry the fuck up," you bark. Your brain couldn't possibly take much more of his teasing. He is too generous with his fingers and touch. The tips of his fingers alone could have you undone, without even fucking you first. "Just fucking get inside me already!" you wail.
"Baby, calm your sweet pussy down," Taeyong murmured, huffing airy chuckles. He adjusted his torso above you, smirking and smugly teasing your cunt further, pressing his own needy cock, full and heavy and throbbing, directly against your clit, groaning when the motion of him shimmying out of the fabric sent shudders all over his body.
Thank god the music was loud, the party obnoxious, and the number of guests intoxicated. Thank the heavens for drunken fools because none of them have cared enough, or paid any sort of attention to the fact that your sweet, little self, was tucked away within the sanctuary of your man's room.
He pries your legs wide, bending, and forcing your knees upwards and draping them over his wide and strong, lean, muscular, shoulder, pressing himself against the apex between your thighs. He unzips his jeans, fishing out the throbbing flesh, glimmering, pulsating, leaking with thick beads of his arousal. And you'd be lying if you said that this man's body wasn't gorgeous. So fucking glorious. His anatomy was made solely for worship. Each carved inch of skin, contoured muscle, chiseled edge, was shaped for the highest adulation.
He pushes into you, without a condom, with a purposeful thrust. Every stretch, every ridge and curve within him, burns along your walls in the most delicious, addicting sort of pain. He stills, as he seats himself within your molten heat, reveling in the sensations. "You feel so perfect, baby," he croons, lips dragging tenderly and delicately against yours, gentle fingertips tracing, featherlight and affectionate, along your jaw. "So absolutely perfect," he moans. "Promise that I'll make love to you later tonight," he says. "And when you wake up, I'll make love to you, just so you never forget."
For a quickie in the midst of a noisy, boisterous, and chaotic, rowdy party, it was more sensual and intimate than any other rendezvous before. Perhaps, you're over-analyzing. You know that your feelings, love and lust for him was growing stronger by the minute, but each and every meeting was full of surprises, endless in pleasure and passion. And yet, even amidst the bliss and ecstasy of intercourse, with his lips claiming you, hands loving you, cock filling you, the party goers below were simply white noise in the background, in comparison to the way Taeyong seemed to know precisely how, and where to kiss, exactly what sort of speed, rhythm, and depth to pump himself into you.
The sounds you were eliciting, panting, and screaming were only drowned out by the pop beats coming from the speakers, thumping, shaking, rattling, and vibrating all over his bedroom, but his movements did not falter, hips continuing to slap, thighs spreading your wide, as you curled against the sheets, fisting your fingers, hair falling messily as he slammed his dick harder into you.
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. It felt amazing and the high of each climax was causing every bit of pleasure to spike and quake, ripple and shudder, coursing through your veins and limbs, muscles sore, aching, and taut. When you clenched your teeth, curving your nails sharply into his shoulders, legs buckling, breathless and trembling beneath his touches, a rough and guttural growl came from him and it sounded absolutely primal. He grunted a few expletives before pulling out of you, removing himself swiftly in one fell, rough stroke, a filthy string of mixed wetness seeping between the two of you. He dropped his jaw and bellowed his release into the air, collapsing over you, head falling onto your breasts.
"Baby, that felt so good," he drawled, pecking small kisses on your collarbones as he nuzzled into the bare flesh of your neck, tugging his boxers to conceal himself back into his pants. He's fixing your hair now, smiling tenderly, brushing the stray strands and locks behind your ears, so fondly and sweetly, pecking the top of your forehead. "I'll leave first and then you can leave right after. Wait a good few minutes," he crooned, kissing your lips and lingering for a bit longer than usual. "Go join the party when you come out."
And Taeyong does just that, slipping out of his room as though he were never even there in the first place, greeting guests as if he hadn't just fucked you senseless. And you tried, really hard, to conceal your exhaustion, to not give away how fucked out and giddy you were feeling. You looked in the mirror, fixing your skirt and fixing your hair back into some sort of semblance of neat. When you looked presentable enough, you sighed and exited his room and re-emerged into the world of his bustling apartment filled to the brim with noisy college students.
You're in the kitchen, when Jinkyung comes up from behind, squeals, and latches herself onto your back. She laughs loudly, happily and full of drunken energy and joy.
"Where have you been? Hmm," Jinkyung chirps in a sing-song voice, obviously quite intoxicated, blinking owlishly at you with an expression of confusion. "I was looking everywhere for you," she cackles, smiling and slurring a bit, tugging you closer, nearly spilling the wine coolers you were holding, spilling liquid onto her shoes.
"I was outside, getting some fresh air," you reply, trying not to stumble forward under the weight of her swaying. "It got too hot in here."
"Oh!" Jinkyung squeaks in sudden comprehension, nearly popping your eardrums in the process. "Yeah! It's packed in here! Thank god my brother has air conditioning." She leans forward and inhales and her breath smells like a cross between vodka and peppermint, sharp and a bit stinging. "Xiaoojunnn," she giggles and then turns to wave at Xiaojun, who was standing on a stool, throwing Cheerios at the crowd in a strange, maniacal fashion. "JUN-JUN!" she calls out and waves wildly.
Xiaojun leaps off the stool and rushes forward. "Someone's drunk," he mocks.
"No," Jinkyung denies, frowning. "Maybe a lil bit," she admits. "Come walk with me outside? It's hot as balls here. I need some fresh air."
"And me?" You ask.
"You just came from outside, silly!" Jinkyung scoffs with a sassy eye roll. You watch her drag Xiaojun with her as they trudge and weave through the throngs of drunken fools until you're sure they've disappeared completely. The music is thumping loudly from the speakers that are installed everywhere in Taeyong's apartment and the party continues, uninterrupted, but he suddenly appears out of nowhere and stand next to you. He's pretending to look busy, observing, scanning around the crowd with a neutral expression but his hand is brushing against yours.
And when Jinkyung comes rushing back in a few moments later, flushed in the face and dragging Xiaojun back to where you are, it looks as if he's moved apart from you, but he stands, protective and territorial, inches close to your side. "Oh, oppa is here! You wanna hang with us?"
Taeyong shakes his head. "I have other things to do than hang out with my sister and her friends."
He says that as he looks at you but you know you shouldn't take it the wrong way, so you laugh as casually as you can. "Oh? We're too annoying for you, Tae?"
He laughs and gives his head a dismissive shake. "Too much." He looks back at his sister and shakes his head. "Go sober yourself up, little lady."
Jinkyung pushes him roughly by the shoulder. "Stop bossing me around." She reaches over, giving him a strong hug and mumbles. "Missed you, oppa." She plants a quick smooch on his cheek and he goes beet red.
"Ewwwwww," he exclaims, wiping his cheek and Jinkyung giggles wildly.
You've finished your wine cooler, putting it off to the side, laughing. You follow your friends closely as they move into the living room, surrounded by loud, singing, dancing, partying and drinking students, swaying back and forth along to the beat of the music as it surrounds you completely. You can't help but stare back at Taeyong as he gazes longingly at you, flashing the smallest smirk and mouthing. 'I love you,' before Jinkyung steals your attention, flailing her arms, wiggling her shoulders, dancing along, carefree and loose.
You don't know how much time has passed. A few hours have probably gone by and your friends are nowhere to be seen. Your buzzed, tipsy-self attempts to seek them out, weaving through the large living area, kitchen, bedrooms, and bathrooms. You find Xiaojun drinking with Yangyang and Hendery, Mathematics majors, on the couch and rush towards them.
"Where's Jinkyung?" you ask Xiaojun frantically and Xiaojun shrugs.
Hendery jumps in, blinking and spinning slowly. "Oh, Y/N. Long time no see. What's up?" He plops backwards into the couch, gracelessly, narrowly avoiding the liquor on the side table. "Why is the room tilting a little? Am I drunk?"
You groan in frustration, searching high and low, scurrying throughout the premises of the party, asking guests left and right if they've seen Jinkyung. When they say no, you search the next set of students until you make it back around the circle full. When no one seems to have seen her, you wander off to the back, away from the bodies and booming music. Maybe you would have better luck away from the masses of sweaty students. And as you move away and into a corridor, and go outside, you hear soft, muffled noises coming from the other side, closer, near the entryway to the terrace.
You approach quietly. Jinkyung is giggling and hanging on the arms of that heartbreaker, Jaemin. He's smiling handsomely, flirtatiously and leading her outside and into the balcony, arms around her waist, pressing her close to his chest and the way their gazes clash makes you queasy, makes you realize that yeah, Jinkyung was hiding secrets of her own. And just a bit, in your periphery, just barely within the edges, a familiar shape, body and face is lingering in the darkness and observing from a short distance.
Xiaojun notices you looking straight back at him but does nothing as he watches the pair, watches the way Jaemin and Jinkyung touch, gaze and hold. There's jealousy, green and toxic burning and threatening to spill and consume. His gaze meets yours. His brows furrow and then he turns away from your stare, from the sight of his crush canoodling with the university's notorious playboy and saunters off elsewhere.
You walk back into the kitchen, setting down your drink as you press a hand to your forehead.
There's a hand touching your back gently, comfortingly and warm. "Baby, you okay?" Taeyong asks, as you turn your gaze back to meet him. He looks down at you with an empathetic grin and he's standing so close.
"A bit dizzy, that's all," you lie with a little laugh, fanning yourself in an attempt to cool the blood rising to your cheeks. "Been a bit of a hot, stifling night. I've had too many wine coolers, probably," you say as he grins crookedly, offering you a glass of water, which you accept with thanks. "Tae, do you think we should tell her?" You wonder, looking away from his fond gaze and onto the sea of dancing bodies, laughing faces and people enjoying themselves on the dance floor.
Taeyong follows the direction of your focus and is seemingly observing, scanning the crowd. "Why the sudden change?"
"I feel like... it's only fair... you know?" You sigh, still facing the bodies on the dance floor, though his fingers find its way to your wrist, smoothing over your pulse and suddenly the once crowded, noisy and hectic scene was suddenly muted. Everything else faded. Everything, except him. "I caught her with Jaemin...and with the way they were...she never told me, either."
"Let's just worry about us," he says quietly, eyes locking into your own. "Okay?" And he's smiling, squeezing your fingers in his.
You nod, agreeing. "Okay."
It's later on in the evening when the party finally began winding down. People began dwindling and dispersing, disappearing completely and it seemed as though the apartment had finally become calm and quiet, tame and still. The noise had ceased. The chatter had calmed and died down and the thrum of the music was barely present in the background.
Jinkyung is plopped down on the couch, laid out on her back, exhausted from the day. She's quite drunk, definitely tipsy, flushed cheeks, and intoxicated, still singing happily, as she looks up at the ceiling. She laughs, leaning her head back against you and slurring. "Where's Jun-jun?"
"He left with Hendery and Yangyang," you answer. "There's another party happening at the Marine Bio and Math departments."
"And he left me? Left you?" She scoffs loudly and sips her drink.
"You were passed out on the couch and I told him to go so that I can take care of you."
She sighs and smiles. "You really are my best friend. My favorite person."
"Of course," you mumble. You're tired, eyes droopy and sore and you can tell your best friend is, as well.
She's wasted and is all smiles and laughter and warmth. "You're amazing. Seriously never change. Don't let oppa change you."
"Why would he?" You ask, wondering where this conversation was going.
"Because, you know," Jinkyung laughs with an innocent, mischievous smile. "Like, okay, I know he has a reputation...like girls just jump into his lap...and," she stops, giggling into her hands and hiding a large, sloppy smile. "You're different, I'm saying," she finishes, shaking her head, realizing she isn't making much sense. "I love my brother, I do, but don't be another one of his flings, hm? Promise me?" Her eyes are wide and sad and she reaches forward to touch your arm comfortingly.
"Kyungie, we're just..." You pause and gulp nervously. "We're just friends. Yeah. Friends..." You trail off, sounding unconvincing, even to yourself.
"Okay, Y/N," she taps the side of your nose cutely. "Anyway, was the guy you're messing around with, here at the party?"
Yeah, it's your brother, you think sarcastically, rolling your eyes and then you shake your head and sigh loudly, pretending to think. "Hmm... Nope, you didn't see him at all tonight. He wasn't here."
Jinkyung moves to stand in front of you with a half smirk, her brown eyes are teasing, quirking an eyebrow, eyes glinting under the bright lights. "Really?"
"Yes. Really, Jinkyung, Jesus Christ, what's up with these questions?"
"What! I just want to meet this mystery guy, that's all. I've seen you talking and flirting with so many people tonight, geez. How am I supposed to know which one he is!" She laughs, shaking her head and continues with another bout of giggles.
"God, she's shitfaced," Taeyong chimes in from the opposite side, sighing. "Drink some water," he orders.
"We need to take her home," you laugh but when Jinkyung stands abruptly and swings an arm over her big brother's shoulder, kissing the top of his hair, you catch sight of his reaction. His jaw clenches and you feel your eyes roll internally at her sudden over-affectionate displays.
You're envious, suddenly and viciously, burning with envy, licks of green-tinted fire rising and boiling within the pit of your stomach, staring at her adoring and unintentionally provoking his strong arms wrapped tight around his neck, and she leans in and mumbles. "Nooooooo," before letting go. "I don't wanna go hooommme. Don't make me."
"If you're not going home, then go and sleep in the guest bedroom and stop acting like a pain in my ass," Taeyong snaps back.
Jinkyung pouts. "Where will Y/N sleep, then?"
Taeyong chugs the entire contents of his red cup, rolling his eyes. With him, of course but he's not going to tell his sister that, obviously. So, he answers as nonchalantly as he can. "Y/N isn't a drunk like you, I'm sure she'll manage to go home just fine," and finishes his drink, glaring at her. "She'll come pick you up tomorrow, now just lay your ass down and I'll get you some fucking water. I swear, the more you drink, the stupider you become," he groans out in frustration. He gives his younger sister a gentle, protective hug, bringing a small smile to your face as you watch him lead her towards the guest bedroom where he'll have her plopped down under some blankets in a few minutes, just to be safe and to make sure she's okay.
He comes back out. And after taking a long swig of his water bottle, he asks. "You coming?"
Your brows rise. "Am I going somewhere?"
He laughs as he laces your fingers in his and drags you towards the opposite end of the apartment, where his bedroom resides. "Come on."
"Taeyong," you whisper frantically, "Jinkyung is..." you trail off, "like, right there...we can't..."
"She's drunk and snoring. We've got more than enough time," he tells you as the pair of you duck away and hurry quickly down the hall into his room. "I promise I won't keep you for too long," he promises with a naughty grin as you smile playfully.
"Liar," you tease, teasing the hemline of his shirt, leading him in, guiding his movements. "I know you. The minute you have me in bed, I'm not leaving."
"Is that such a bad thing?" He mumbles with a lazy, satisfied smirk, landing right next to you as your back presses into the pillows and against the mattress. "Can't help that my pretty girl doesn't want to leave my bed," Taeyong snickers into your neck, kissing all around the curve. "I did promise that I was gonna make love to you," he mumbles against the hollow of your neck, his hands touching anywhere they could get their greedy, warm hands onto. Your hips, waist, face, neck, cheeks, until he brings you in, closing the proximity between you and him, chest to chest and belly to belly. "Now that everyone is gone and we're finally all alone... "
"Jinkyung is in the opposite end of the apartment," you remind him, flushing. "Taeyong. Seriously, I don't want her hearing..." you say quickly, quiet and almost breathless at the feeling of him palming and fondling your ass.
"Then you'll have to be quiet, pretty baby," he tells you softly, pressing his lips against yours, silencing any more retorts with the soft and silky caress of his kisses.
"If I look at another bottle of alcohol," Jinkyung starts as she walks back and forth across the carpeting of the living room, "I might vomit."
She presses her temples, as Taeyong goes back to prepping her coffee, for her terrible hangover that will definitely result in an uncomfortable, lonely Sunday spent lounging around their apartment and recovering from what appears to be the largest, most alcohol-filled party of the school year. He walks over to you, and gestures for the fridge, handing you a water bottle, asking you to bring it to her as he fishes out the last of the bacon from the pan.
JInkyung takes the water bottle graciously, gulping a sip, before walking over to Taeyong. She greets him with a bear hug. "Oh my God," she complains into the fabric of his sweatshirt. "Jun-jun totally ditched me to get wasted with Yangyang and Hendery and...that...was mean," she adds sadly. She pouts and whines when Taeyong pats the top of her head, though it sounds fond, sympathetic to a point. "My feelings are fragile."
"No one told you to chug so many shots," Taeyong points out, rolling his eyes before shaking the greasy spatula in the air, "Now get off me," he shoos her away. "Behave if you want some eggs and toast with your hangover," he tells her warningly.
"What happened last night, anyway?" Jinkyung sighs as she wanders back to her seat at the counter and rests her cheek on her elbow. "I feel like someone put like a...heavy blanket on my brain and..."
You wait with bated breath, chewing slowly, pausing with your spoon halfway to your lips as you listen attentively, eyeing Taeyong's reaction.
Jinkyung can only groan before continuing, "God, everything is just...foggy and dark."
Taeyong clicks his tongue. "Because, young grasshopper, you decided it would be a good idea to chug an entire handle of soju with a bunch of science dweebs from the Biomed and Robotics department," he says flatly, glancing at his sister. "Which is why you're now suffering the consequences," he reminds her, going back to cooking his omelet. "You should have stayed with the rest of the Astronomy kids on the rooftop and looked at stars or something."
"Your department has a whole bunch of science dweebs too," she answers grumpily and bitter, frowning in frustration and rubbing her temples. "I find it hard to believe that both Jaehyun, the hot single dad, and Jungwoo, the cute little comedian he is, are Computer Sciences majors."
"And what's wrong with my kids??" Taeyong glares, pointing a finger at his sister. "Not all of us can be like Johnny and have fucking geniuses in their classes. I'll take the dad and the comedian, thank you very much." He snorts, smiling, putting another omelet on Jinkyung's plate as you sit between them, sipping your coffee. You're half paying attention to the siblings bantering back and forth, enjoying your morning immensely.
"Anyway, I haven't heard from Xiaojun all morning," Jinkyung sighs sadly, tucking into her eggs, groaning blissfully. "Think he has a morning class or..." She pauses, staring at you suddenly with a lifted brow and a confused expression.
"Probably," you shrug. "I heard that the Marine Bio kids are going through a pretty intensive semester because they were planning some really big-scaled project over spring break," you mumble over your eggs and rice. "Want me to text Renjun or Kun?"
"Ah...nah..." Jinkyung sighs. "You don't have to bother the other Marine Bio folks. He'll probably answer eventually," she adds, hoping. "Anyway, I have a quiz and a test and a final and a presentation. And a ton of other work that's due soon too, but my brain hurts and I can't think," she pouts.
You pat her hair affectionately as Taeyong begins clearing your plates away and humming lightly in acknowledgment, a chorus of sighs following, indicating Jinkyung's frustrations. You then pat her hand, making her look your way as you wink with a mischievous grin. "Come on, my bestie. Lets finish eating breakfast, clean up, and then we can go back to the house and I'll help you. All day. I promise," you add with a cheery grin.
"Really?" She says, pout becoming less exaggerated as she practically squeals and bounces.
"Really," you promise.
"Okay," she sings happily, slipping off her bar stool and disappearing from your sight to the bathroom, leaving you alone with Taeyong who immediately steps closer.
"I have a class to teach and a meeting," he wraps an arm around your middle, tugging you in closer. "I'm going to miss you," he whispers as you kiss him.
"Gonna miss you too," you smile against his mouth before pulling away and lightly pushing him towards his room, "now get going or you'll be late, Mr Lee," you say playfully. "I'll text you later."
"You better," he teases, laughing and stealing one last quick peck, before heading towards his room.
You're finishing up the last of your coffee when Jinkyung slinks back over to the counter and asks, "Ready? I'm ready to get home and shower... I feel gross and my brain is melting inside of my head... ughhh," she grunts.
"You're fine," you tell her, even as you rinse your cup and place it in the dishwasher and close it shut before standing and slinging your purse strap around your shoulder, grabbing Jinkyung's forgotten coat and her messenger bag. "We'll get ice coffee on the way home, if you want? You might perk up more..."
"Good plan," Jinkyung replies, moving closer to her, taking her purse strap from her shoulder. "Thanks for getting my shit, by the way," she mumbles.
"What are friends for?" You joke. She smiles and goes for the door.
"Tell oppa we're leaving!" Jinkyung suddenly pipes up and you blink rapidly for a second before watching her slip out of the front door.
So much for saying goodbye, you think to yourself, rolling your eyes, leaning slightly to get a glimpse of your boyfriend, smiling and waving at the sight of him at the doorway to his bedroom, finishing up getting changed, throwing a wave your way and a mischievous smirk and an excited wiggle to his eyebrows.
Taeyong promised not to keep you long. But as you lay beside each other in the warmth of his bed, huddled up under the dark green comforter and tangled within the sheets, breathing evenly, steadily in and out, fingers twined with Taeyong, who lies just a few inches apart, head pillowed by a pillow of his own, listening to his slow heartbeat under your ear, the darkness of his bedroom and the low thrum of a song in the background are suddenly making this moment all the more intimate.
Taeyong hums as he slowly shifts his body, half-dragging his warm arms, along your shoulders and you feel yourself being lured and pulled deeper into the feeling of just being here. The smell of his woody-spiced body wash, his skin radiating heat that is enough for both of you and his protective hold over you has your heart pounding wildly and relentlessly under your chest and you hear it, beating loud and rhythmically with every passing second.
He leans forward and kisses you slowly. "You don't have class tomorrow morning, do you?" He asks.
"Why do you ask?" You retort, raising an eyebrow.
"Can't I want a few days and nights of having you to myself?"
"Hmm," you say thoughtfully with a crooked smile, before moving to straddle him. "How long are you gonna need?"
He adjusts himself underneath you, legs spreading, until he is laying more comfortably, leaning on the headboard of his bed, looking up at you with that grin he usually always wears on his lips. His hands reach forward and settle themselves comfortably on your hips, grabbing your curves, a little rougher than his usual. He looks amused as you go about gently exploring his chest, his collarbones, before continuing the path downwards towards his torso and navel.
"Baby," his fingers trail upwards, brushing the stray strands of your hair back as he smiles even bigger and harder at you. "However long it takes."
"Well," you murmur in the shell of his ear, tracing the outline, brushing and letting your fingertips dance a little along the curve and dip. "That is a long time..."
He squeezes your thighs and laughs, low and husky.
"Mhm," you hum, looking away thoughtfully as you prop your chin on your knuckles, eyes going up and down. "You should be lucky that your sister is on that Astronomy trip for like two weeks..."
"I'm the luckiest guy alive," he smiles against the skin of your neck. "Gonna have you every night in my bed. But maybe we can cut down on the snuggles a little?"
"But the snuggles are the best part," you grumble unhappily.
He laughs. "You can snuggle me all you want after we fuck." Taeyong hums deeply, dipping in and capturing your lips into a hot, languid kiss. "You know what I was thinking about?"
"What were you thinking about?" you whisper quietly, carding your fingers through his silky locks.
"How pretty my baby is when she's sitting in my lap, cumming all over my cock," he mutters in response, making you sigh. "How she's such a sweet, good girl," he says as his hands curl into your hair. "Always taking my dick like it belongs there and always beaming so brightly when you have your favorite cock inside you." He grinds his growing, semi-hard member between your legs, "it's just so adorable, sweetie," Taeyong says as he pulls away with an arrogant, victorious grin. "You can't go a few days without me fucking your pretty pussy?" he teases as he continues, before smirking.
"Oh my god, Tae. Just shut up and kiss me," you mumble, placing his large palms flat against your waist, giggling lightly.
"Right away, pretty baby. So bossy," Taeyong responds happily, swooping in again and again, kissing you more firmly. His lips are hot, rough and eager. Your own soft ones yield to his greedy mouth, tongue moving insistently and persistently in his direction, parting and allowing entrance to your mouth. One hand grasps at his muscular back, shoulders, and chest as the other curls in his silky hair, holding him in place.
"What do you want?" Taeyong whispers heavily. "Use your pretty, sexy little mouth. Say it to me, baby," he continues in your ear, tracing it and your outer shell. "You want my fingers?"
You whine, feeling his long, beautiful digits caressing your sex. He teases your sensitive clit lightly, not giving enough friction or enough pressure. "Taeyong," you huff unhappily at the pace. You want more and you can feel yourself become increasingly slick. "Fuck!" you protest. "Tae..."
He interrupts you again, slipping into his condescending attitude, grinning happily, enjoying every moment of your frustration as your brows furrow in confusion and the whine escaping from your lips. He smirks as he raises an eyebrow. "Yes, my little queen?"
"Touch me," you say breathlessly, "please, Tae...need your fingers...your cock...just..anything! Please!"
"Oh," Taeyong chuckles, pausing from rubbing your swollen little clit slowly and deliberately. "That wasn't so hard now, was it?" He teases, his lips back onto yours, as his fingers dive deeper, curling them at a certain, specific angle and stroking with rhythm. His chest vibrating with soft moans of his own as he presses the heel of his palm harder onto your clit. "C'mon, sweet baby...cum for me. Show me how good it feels," he groans into your lips, making you moan helplessly. His fingers know just how to curve into your slick walls and make you sob in desperation. They drive deeper and hit all the spots he's familiar and accustomed to.
You start mewling, clutching tightly at his biceps. "Mm, Taeyong..." you pant his name like a sacred prayer as you ride his skilled digits. "...feels... so good! Close!" you babble mindlessly.
"Let go," Taeyong answers. "Wanna watch you fall apart."
With a few more strokes and a swirl of his deft, talented digits, you find your end with a loud cry, sobbing, writhing as Taeyong places a hot open-mouthed kiss against your neck, tongue sliding over a spot at the center of his attention, teeth lightly nipping before soothing it. "You're okay," he tells you softly, "such a good girl," he says appreciatively.
"I love it," you grin up at him before sliding a hand through his hair, the fingers of your other hand caressing his length gently. It's hot, hard and ready to fuck you senseless.
"You just came and you already want another one, huh?" He replies playfully. You grin at him as you grab his cock and line it at your entrance. "No condom?" he raises a brow in surprise before shaking his head as you start circling his cock at your slick entrance, sinking it in slowly. "You sure that's okay?"
"We'll use one next time," you groan, closing your eyes. "But this time...I-I really need this, Tae," you whimper, grinding down. "C'mon...I'll do the work," you sigh blissfully as you move your body slowly and firmly. "But can you maybe," you pause, pouting, "put those incredible hands of yours to good use? Tweak and play with my pretty little nipples?"
Taeyong's lips land on your jaw, "How could I ever say no, pretty girl? Anything for my baby," he whispers into your skin, relishing in how you tighten around his girth. His fingers trail across your stomach before moving up and gently taking your sensitive breasts into his hand.
Your mouth parts, breath coming out a little heavier as you circle your hips around, circling and shifting in slow motion, riding your boyfriend in slow-motion, setting a pace that has your heartbeat racing as your lungs constrict. "O-oh!" You huff when you feel him give a light twist on one nipple as he lowers his face and his free hand snakes to the back of your neck. His mouth lowers and lands onto the underside of your boob and he drags his tongue, painting it along before landing a harsh nip. "Fuck," you keen, the action adding a special burst of pleasure. "So good."
"What else does my little princess need?" Taeyong questions, giving another brutal bite on the same spot, enough for him to tug your plump breast into his mouth, swishing and swirling the red tip with his talented tongue. "This feel nice, kitten?" he asks between wet sucks.
"Y-yes!" You nod furiously, breathing becoming erratic, hands grabbing the headboard behind Taeyong. "God! Tae..." you gulp. "Oh!" you sob as your hips falter.
"Here let me help you, pretty baby," Taeyong husks in response and moves one arm to wrap around the base of your spine, while his other grips tight enough onto your hip and he begins rocking his hips. The rough action forcing you to rock along his lap harder, the burning ache at your center now replaced with warmth, heat, and sparks igniting. The walls of your pussy clamping down around him as you pant harder, feeling him hit deliciously deep and hitting every sensitive, aroused bundle of nerves.
"There's a good girl," he moans approvingly as he looks up from latching onto your breast, as your head leans back, closing your eyes. You continue crying out and whining louder, whimpering and groaning, loud sobs escaping as Taeyong maintains a rough and quick pace as he fucks you in long, deliberate strokes. The sweetest of curses spilling out of your mouth without shame as you gasp, breathless, sobbing, as you feel your body threatening to crumble.
"Mmmm," he hums, tongue twirling expertly along a nipple as the other hand pushes roughly at your hip, tugging it back down each time it rocks forward with force, trying desperately to chase the all-consuming feeling. He knows every part, every line, every little crevice and sweet, soft spot of your body so well - knowing just where to hold, touch, pinch and tease to have you reduced into a withering mess of weak, shuddering limbs and an overactive heartbeat. "Gonna fill this pretty pussy," he says through deep grunts, making sure you're on the right edge. "Gonna make sure I have my sweet little baby sated and full."
"Yes," you grit, through teeth, unable to keep the stinging in your tear ducts in check as a hot trail glides down one cheek, overcome by sensation. You claw at Taeyong's bicep, finding some solid structure, feeling him move even harder and rougher within you. A strangled sound leaves your throat before your body stutters and an unfamiliar moan fills the air, you practically sob out Taeyong's name, close to blubbering and babbling as you struggle to breathe. "T-tae..." You choke out, losing strength.
"Let go," Taeyong gruffs against the space between your neck and shoulder. "Don't hold back, sweet girl. Cum for me, so I can cum."
And suddenly, your orgasm erupts with full force, the waves of your ecstasy rushing over in hot, stinging, overwhelming bursts. You can feel everything throb, squeeze and spasm within you as your climax has you at a loss, your lips parted in a silent, incoherent plea. Taeyong growls loudly as he chases his own release and it's not long after your own subsides, that he's pumping you full of thick ropes of milky fluid. He spills, grinding slowly, clutching to your hipbones for dear life, never parting until the final strings have shot inside.
He lifts you away before you can collapse - turning you both over and cradling you tenderly on his chest. It's quiet for the moment, save for the slowing pants and gradually slowing beating of hearts. "Still okay?" He breathes eventually.
"Very," you sigh. "But...sooo tired, Tae."
"Me too, pretty princess," Taeyong smiles. "I love you so fucking much." He coos, cradling the side of your face and swiping the thumb against your cheek, pulling you in.
"I love you so freaking much more, Tae," you slur gently. "Thank you." You reach out and gently caress his cheek with the pad of your thumb, eyelashes fluttering slowly. Your own mind begins fading, threatening you with the darkness. "You can pull out now, by the way," you whisper in response.
"I dunwanna," he grumbles.
"Taeyong!"
He shakes his head, "Wanna keep it there a little longer," he grumbles. "We need more sex. All the sex."
"You're being ridiculous, we have a perfectly healthy sex life. You literally can't go more than a day before pouncing me, you silly ass," you muffle another laugh, before playfully slapping him on the chest and smiling happily. "Fine, do as you wish," you tell him before kissing his nose. "But I expect cuddles at the very least, Mr. Lee."
"Anything for my queen," he nuzzles his face further in your neck, inhaling and closing his eyes. "All the snuggles she wants, coming right up. After we shower and I change my sheets."
"Okay," you let a soft giggle escape, caressing the top of his silky hair, before Taeyong pecks you on the lips gently.
"Shower," he repeats, reluctantly untangling from your form and rolling out of bed. He peeks back at you before reaching a hand out to take yours. You accept, grabbing it gently and he pulls you along towards the bathroom, laughing merrily.
You can't help but throw yourself at the nearest toilet after stumbling over your feet and your surroundings once you realize the intense need for vomit. You let everything up and empty your stomach contents, throwing up your entire lunch. You don't know why all of sudden your body had gotten that urge, you don't know how it's possible to make your head spin and for the contents of your stomach to come rushing right out.
"Fuck, are you okay?" Jinkyung stands behind, rubbing a hand along your back. "I told you not to drink."
"I did nothing!" You protest and she helps you to sit upright when the tears spill down. "All I did was eat and I felt..." you stop, not wanting to get into it. You just want to stop feeling sick. The room feels like it's spinning, even with the grounding touch of your friend's hand on your back.
"You felt what?"
"Uhhh...Sick to my stomach."
She groans and hands you a wad of tissue. "Did you like, maybe eat something bad? I had that weird punch..."
You frown as a thought enters the fray. "Fuck, Jinkyung."
"What?"
"I need to make sure," you rummage under the bathroom sink and find a strip of pregnancy test boxes. You keep a box, just in case, for the both of you. Better be safe than sorry, but you knew better than to take the chance and not have anything in case the unexpected happened. "I can't think of another reason for me feeling so fucking bad."
"Please tell me you are joking and this is a gag," she whispers quietly. She sits at the edge of the bathtub, and waits for you while you go pee.
Your eyes close in frustration because now that you've sat down and really started to think about it...it wasn't completely out of the realm of possibility.
You and Taeyong had been going at it pretty intensely these past couple months, but you always used protection and made sure you were always being extra safe. You used condoms religiously. Unless...the heat of the moment, there was that period...that period where Jinkyung was on the Astronomy trip.
Oh no...
Once the little indicator comes up with two lines. There's no mistaking it. No denying the facts, even with the minuscule possibility, you had taken multiple tests, but they always came with the same result. Positive. Pregnant. 100%.
"No way..."
"What?" Jinkyung pops her head into the room when you don't answer, finding you leaning up against the sink, holding two positive tests in hand, shaking like a leaf. "No fucking way," she grabs the strip, eyes widening in disbelief.
You can't breathe properly as you finally face the hard reality.
"Are you going to keep the baby?" Jinkyung asks.
"Of course I'm going to keep the baby," you sniff and turn to wash your face in the sink. It's nice to wash off the traces of the nauseous feeling.
"Do you know who the dad is?" She whispers.
"What?" Your head pops up and you glance her way. There's no way you'll tell her it's her own fucking brother. She doesn't know about your secret romance, no one can ever know. "Of course I know..."
You know Taeyong's going to fuss over you and won't let you do anything yourself. That he won't ever leave you and will love, spoil, and provide everything he possibly can. Taeyong would be more than supportive and a caring parent, he would love any child you would bare.
And a tear comes out, knowing Taeyong would be ecstatic when you tell him that he was going to be a father. But the excitement doesn't last as quickly as it comes. Not when Jinkyung, your best friend, the other important person in your life, the person that was always your number one, no matter how much you cared about Tae, finds out about the biggest secret you've kept.
You tell Jinkyung that you're going to take a nap, exhausted and drained, and she nods, muttering about going to the bookstore to get some books. The minute you have the bedroom door closed, and you hear the front door open, then shut, the dam opens and your emotions release.
And the guilt doesn't relent.
Because of your hidden love affair, now Jinkyung will probably resent you because you had been sneaking around with her brother, without her knowledge. You pull back the covers and lay in bed and begin to weep, both in misery and sadness, and for the fear. Fear, mostly, you imagine for the months ahead, that will be long, laborious and that the results, well, only the universe knows how it will be in the end.
Forgive and forget, but also, trust and hold, and remember how fragile, all things in the world can be, are.
You rub a soothing, comforting circle on your lower stomach. "Hello, little peanut," you whisper and smile. "Don't worry mommy is always going to take the very best care of you," you murmur quietly, before drifting into a peaceful slumber.
Jinkyung closes the front door behind her and makes her way to your room to check up on you. You're still sleeping peacefully on your bed, clutching a pillow. You look content and the complete opposite of the girl that had just dry heaved into the toilet bowl.
She closes your door and returns to the living room where Taeyong lets himself into the apartment with the spare key he carries and bags of take out in his hands.
"Hey," he greets and sets the plastic bags on the table, "thought I'd drop by with some food." He turns around to find his sister looking at him with a mixed look on her face. "Is everything okay?"
"Oppa," she starts quietly and looks down the hall towards your door. "Has Y/N been acting weird or out of sorts?"
"I don't think so...But you would probably know more since the two of you are constantly together. Did something happen?" He asks with concern.
"No. Just forget about it."
"You wouldn't be asking unless you thought there was a reason," he says, crossing his arms, "so did something happen to her?" He's concerned, frowning, voice tinged with worry.
"Listen, it's probably nothing. It's just...maybe I'm just being paranoid...but it's like Y/N is keeping things from us or hiding stuff," Jinkyung bites her lips. "We're best friends. We tell each other everything and go through everything together. If something big happened in our lives, like a break-up, or some tragic event, we'd always talk to each other and support each other. But it just feels like we've been distant, these last few months."
Taeyong glances at your bedroom door, shifting his stance.
Jinkyung shoves her hands into the back pockets of her jeans. "Oppa, promise not to tell anyone what I'm about to tell you next."
"What's going on?"
"Promise?" Jinkyung stares and watches her brother make a pinkie swear, and then she breaks the news to Taeyong. "Y/N is pregnant."
"What?" His face drains of color, shocked, dazed, and clearly not comprehending the information.
"Don't tell her I told you," Jinkyung shakes her head, "But I thought you should know. You've been like a big brother to her too, and you are like, super protective of Y/N, so...I just want to ask you that you look out for her," she explains quietly, knowing that if the tables were turned and her best friend was pregnant, she would definitely want her brother to do everything he could.
Taeyong looks to her bedroom door again, wondering, "Did she say who the father is? If he's at all involved?"
"That's the thing. She won't tell me the guy's name," his younger sister tells him, "I know she's been seeing someone, but she won't fess up. So please be there for her? She's going to need someone in the end, when her asshole boy toy runs out the second she starts showing."
Of course he's going to be there for you. You're the woman he's madly, and deeply in love with. You're the mother of his baby. There is nothing on the entire goddamn world that would stop Taeyong from loving, providing for, and helping take care of his growing family.
"Yeah, don't worry I got her. She won't even need to ask me and I'll be there," he smiles, pretending to brush the whole situation off. "Now come, I picked up your favorite. Some Bibimbap, and stew."
A sigh of relief passes Jinkyung's lips. "Thanks oppa. Can you go wake her up while I set up the plates?"
"Sure thing," he says and moves to make his way down the short hallway. When the bedroom door shuts closed, he steps closer to your sleeping form and places a kiss on your temple. His fingertips move the loose hairs off of your cheeks.
You stir. "Taeyong..." you mumble sleepily.
"Hey there," he smiles, warmth reaching his features. He cups your cheeks, fingers trailing along the soft skin. "I brought food."
"I don't know if I can eat though," your reply, the idea alone of trying to consume food causes your stomach to flip unpleasantly.
"Yeah, I heard you've been not feeling the best, huh?"
You sit up straight in bed. "Did she tell you...?" Your voice goes higher at the thought.
"Yeah. She asked me to be there for you," Taeyong sits beside you. He pulls you close and buries you to his chest, lips placing a lingering kiss atop of your head. "You don't need to ask. I'll always be there, sweetheart."
"I wanted to be the one to tell you first," you sigh, pushing back and turning to look him straight in the eye.
"Everything is going to be just fine."
The breath leaves your throat and you almost choke when a hot tear escapes the corner of your left eye. "You don't hate me?"
"How could I? How could I be mad at the woman who's carrying my child?" He turns you to face him and gives you a small peck on the forehead, eyes lighting up. "The woman I'm madly and desperately in love with."
"Promise you'll be there. All the way, Taeyong?" Your bottom lips tremble. "Even when we tell Jinkyung about us? Even if she stops being friends with me?"
"We can tell her whenever you feel ready. Don't force anything. She's my sister, and it would be awkward for awhile, but she would come around eventually. She wouldn't hate us for long," he takes your hands and kisses them reassuringly. "And the truth is that I should have already told her that I've been madly and desperately in love with you for quite a long, long time. Since the beginning, maybe."
"Yeah?"
He nods. "Now let's get you fed. You're going to need to keep up the nutrition for our growing baby."
It's only the start, but everything feels lighter. Like maybe it will work itself out eventually, that everything will be just fine.
You're six weeks into the pregnancy with the slight changes becoming more and more noticeable to others. You and Taeyong were trying to hide the obvious bump as much as you could. And now, it's becoming increasingly harder for the two of you.
At least, the worst part is over: morning sickness. It was wretched, having a rolling stomach all the time and you could only manage sipping at some broth for breakfast.
With the light of morning sun shining brightly from behind your curtains, you begin the day. When you texted Taeyong, he texted back saying that he had an early morning class and an office hour session. So you spend time hanging around the living room watching some television before settling back to finish a small meal. Jinkyung had rushed off to class that morning, leaving the apartment to you.
When Taeyong comes to check on you after his office hours were over, you open the door to see his tired eyes, which slowly clear to see you. "You seem to be a lot better today," he says, patting your shoulder and slipping into the apartment after dropping his backpack in the entrance.
You wrap your arms around his middle, breathing in the subtle scent that's Tae.
"I missed you this morning," he murmurs into your neck before kissing up the column of your neck and behind the curve of your ear. "Sad that you're living with my sister and not me."
"Oh, stop," you hum, a little pleased. "I'll just move in with you when I can, AFTER we tell her. Is that a good deal?" You can see the eagerness in his eyes.
"Fair enough," he snickers and kisses your mouth with more fervor and you melt, body soft against him. "I love you so much."
Tears fill your eyes when you pull back to look at his handsome, tanned features, the white-black haircut making you swallow. "I love you, so, so much. But are you ready to be a dad?" You wonder. "You'll be the first to be a dad out of you, Johnny and Yuta."
He laughs softly, brushing a strand of your hair off of your forehead and back into the ponytail you put it in. "I'm ready, sweetheart. And if I ever need dad advice, I do have Jaehyun, the single hot dad, as one of my students, to consult."
Your soft lips place a delicate kiss on his cheek and you whisper, "You'll be such a great father."
"We have two months to think up a plan to tell Jinkyung. Just focus on us, for now."
Jinkyung will freak. You know it. Because her older brother was the last person anyone would have guessed. She's not even going to care about the details - about when it started, when it's over, if you two had a drunken tryst - she's not going to care about the backstory, because once she hears Tae's name, everything is over, as far as she'll care about. You don't even imagine it. All hell would break loose.
Because she would be conflicted. And once you come clean, there'll be no turning back from here on out, you're only going to end up breaking her heart. Because what would she think, when she finds out the person she confides in, her own flesh and blood brother, is secretly and emotionally involved in a relationship with someone she always has called one of her best friends, too.
The worst of it all is knowing the pain Jinkyung is going to go through once the news breaks. She may be the kind and gentle friend, but knowing something big like this? The kind, gentle, beautiful soul will hate you. And while you're trying to juggle these dark thoughts in the night, a small light flickers.
Tae's going to be right by your side no matter what happens. Because there's no way of running from this now.
When Jinkyung finds the ultrasound pictures of her best friend's baby tucked in her brother's notebook, she stares. And for the first time in ages, Jinkyung does not have any words to say.
Her older brother and her best friend has been keeping this secret for many months now, and she thinks she's supposed to be angry, but she finds herself not feeling any anger at all. She is surprised, astonished and flabbergasted, but the only thing her mind does at that moment is wonder how on earth, they kept this up, under the watchful eye of everyone, including herself, without anyone figuring them out.
She should be angry. Right?
You had confided into Jinkyung all about your dating history. All of the bad decisions, terrible guys and assholes who wanted you for only one night, and how much it had hurt for a long, long time, being in and out of relationships. Jinkyung knew you well, having the history you have and the shared secrets you always managed to tell her. It was just you two against the world. The inseparable friends who told each other everything.
At the same time, she always had thought her brother and best friend would never be romantically compatible because her brother was always in and out of relationships with girls who could easily keep his interest.
Jinkyung should be angry. Yet, after looking between you and the sonogram, her eyes watered. "What's this doing in oppa's notebook?" Jinkyung sets the photo down, watching you closely, a million emotions rushing through her mind and heart.
She hears your breath catch in your throat and knows, just by the simple noise that you're uncomfortable and there is an underlying layer of truth behind the slip. It hurts, but Jinkyung has to hear the confession. Her mouth falls slack as the tears drop down her rosy cheeks and into her palms. She knows, of course she fucking knows the whole situation now and why her best friend was so uncommunicative.
"Is oppa the father? The asshole boy toy that impregnated you and won't show himself?" A silent gasp leaves Jinkyung's lips, fingers moving away from her mouth and down to her chest. Jinkyung never had felt her heart pound so heavily and she wonders why the hurt is so deep. She should hate you right now, she shouldn't care at all, she should feel anger and confusion and maybe even rage and disappointment. But as she watches tears streaming down your own, your hair pulled up and away from your face, showing your flushed face in clear view, she's upset with you. Upset, because you hid the entire situation from her for months.
Tears blur your eyes as you move over to her friend. "Jinkyung..." your breath hitches, the very air around you getting denser and harder to take. There's a stinging, searing hot pain where your chest pounds beneath the layer of muscle, tissues, and blood, like you had just been slapped by the mother of all slaps.
This is probably the part where her friend will shove you away and curse your name, and promise to never forgive you or talk to her. Jinkyung doesn't know and she isn't prepared to let that happen. You've hidden it and that hurts the most. The lies that had been piling up, your distance that had slowly crept in. This wasn't you. Not you who laughed and made silly faces every time.
Instead, her arms move around your neck, pulling your body close and it all breaks. It all breaks because of her soft skin, her familiar smell and her delicate fingertips pressed tight into your back.
"Oh Y/N," Jinkyung says, a tear sliding across her chin. "Y/N. You don't need to shoulder this by yourself, okay? Just tell me honestly... Are you and oppa..." she takes a deep breath, her heart thundering in the center of her chest. "Are you seeing each other?"
A pause, and then you give a small, faint nod that you could not deny.
"So this," she pulls back and shows you the sonogram you had put back on the table earlier, the black-and-white picture with the faint curve of a forming human in the shape of a bean. "This is oppa's?"
"Yes," you whisper and another tear escapes. "Please don't hate me. Please. This is the most terrifying thing that has ever happened in my whole life. I wanted to tell you and that I had been wanting to, for months. Months, Jinkyung!"
You fall forward and Jinkyung catches you as you sob into the sleeve of the maroon cotton sweater and she is taken aback to feel something, maybe she didn't hate you entirely and she should because of what's been done, but at least that feeling was missing and there was no longer any trace of hate in her body, heart, or mind, to feel empathy and to want to support her friend.
"It was supposed to be just a drunken mistake but I kept going back to him for more," you sob into the sleeve and your best friend can do nothing but pull your body against hers tighter and hug the absolute shit out of you. "Your brother and I kept sleeping together for the fun of it, no strings attached... But... we got caught up, Jinkyung. I swear I never had the intentions of ruining our friendship! You know how much I love you! You have been like a sister to me and we did so much and... Fuck."
You breathe, gulping the air and pulling away and looking back at her.
"Please... Don't hate your brother either," you plead, gripping your hands around her wrists. "I... I can't get myself to stay away from him no matter how hard I've tried because I fucking fell in love with him."
"And oppa? Does he love you? Like... enough to stick around after the baby is born?" Jinkyung questions softly.
"He..."
"Yeah. More than enough." The man's voice coming from the entrance of your apartment.
"W-When did you come back from class?" You stutter, turning away from your friend as her gaze flickers between her brother's expression and the sudden tension that filled the air. "You told me you wouldn't be back until the evening."
"Class got out early so I came back to check on my girlfriend before heading back to the lab for an office hour. Imagine my surprise to find her in tears with my angry sister," he says, lifting an eyebrow.
"I'm not angry, oppa," Jinkyung says softly, folding her arms. "Just...surprised. And maybe a little hurt."
"We weren't going to say anything to you for awhile," Taeyong says, his voice even. "It just started as one night, no strings attached...and we just never expected that it would have...gotten this far."
"How did this all start, anyway?" Jinkyung questions softly, staring at the two of them. "Because I never... I really didn't think you two would have even looked at each other like that. And what did this turn into, exactly? Was this supposed to be a secret from everyone? All our friends, even Xiaojun?" Jinkyung sniffs a little and wipes her tear away. "I just hate the fact that you didn't tell me, didn't trust me, enough to come forward with it. It's already bad that I had to find out like this, isn't it?" Jinkyung presses her hand against her heart, gazing at you and then her brother.
"Remember that night at the bar when Jeonghan cheated on me?" You ask her, staring at your lap. Jinkyung nods silently, Taeyong beside you. "I couldn't find you or Xiaojun anywhere. Taeyong found me a mess at the bar and let me rant about Jeonghan, about all the shitty guys I'd dated," you murmur, cheeks hot. "I'd gotten wasted, sloppy, but Taeyong didn't leave my side, no matter how drunk I got and how stupid I got."
Taeyong grabs your hand from where his is against his thigh, and places his other atop yours. "I took her back to my place since I didn't have the spare key to your apartment that night. I only intended to be a shoulder for her to rant on and for her to cry to, since I'm her best friend's brother, you know?" Taeyong laments, glancing to her and Jinkyung listens, her ears perked. "It didn't end that way, though. Not at al; because when Y/N started kissing me, I just gave in. It had nothing to do with the fact I was single and hadn't had sex for months... it had something to do with the way she needed me and I couldn't say no," his words were murmured.
"I was always going to tell you, Jinkyung...and the past months were always hell for me," you whisper to her and it breaks her to see your eyes misting up. "We thought...maybe it would all just fizzle out or one of us would get bored of the secret fling. But the longer it dragged on, the more invested and the more we became." You sigh. "I love him so fucking much," you bite your lip. "And I'm scared shitless at the same time."
"Hell Y/N," Taeyong rumbles lowly, bringing your hand up and kissing it softly. "I fucking love you too."
She sees the tenderness, the intimacy and affection exchanged between you, and Jinkyung is never, ever, going to forget the moment because she isn't entirely angry, and it's clear the love you had for each other was so genuine and Jinkyung knew her brother had found a partner. "You both really do love each other, huh?"
"Yeah, well..." Taeyong shrugs, grinning with pride. He beams. "Y/N and I," he begins and wraps his arms around your body, pulling you back against his firm chest and holds you close, chin hooked over your right shoulder, "really love each other. A lot. Like a lot, lot, lot, like a ridiculous and ridiculous amount. A whole entire fucking ocean's worth. More than the number of stars up there. All of it."
"Stop being so disgusting," his sister groans, rolling her eyes dramatically.
"You're not mad?" You ask. "Or disappointed?"
"I'm mad that you didn't trust me enough to be truthful with me. How many times had we said that we wouldn't keep secrets, that if something big happened, like a tragic event, or a break-up, we would turn to each other. Always." She's right. You made those promises. "So it kinda sucks to know that it was me that was left in the dark and that you and oppa didn't trust me."
"You're right. There is no excuse," you say softly, squeezing Jinkyung's hand, "You told me not to fall for him and I went against your wishes and we made a mess of things."
Jinkyung snorts loudly and crinkles her nose. "Oh, yeah. For sure. But then again, Taeyong-oppa isn't exactly a small, teeny-tiny mess. I should have figured." She sniffles, thinking hard, staring at her older brother. He only smiles innocently and tries hard to avoid her glare. He's happy, but at the same time, sad. "I understand. I get it. I just," she heaves a deep sigh, "it's going to be an adjustment knowing that you two are...together now."
You both glance at each other. Taeyong shrugs, amused, and sighs, his lips slowly tugging into a knowing smile. His fingers caress yours, reaching under the coffee table.
"Well, then, maybe this could work," she comments, with a teasing quip to her tone, "At least now that I've thought of it, you'll be my sister! I mean, how could you not like the idea? You ARE planning on getting married right? You're not planning on leaving my best friend alone with your kid and run off right?" She narrows her eyes at her older brother, scoffing lightly.
"The brotherly pressure, coming in at full force," Taeyong jokes, standing and rounding the table. He opens his arms as his younger sister wraps herself tightly against his chest.
"Please take care of her, oppa. Really. She needs you a lot more than you think she does, in all this mess." She smacks his arm and points a threatening finger at him, a few inches away from his nose, "and I'm warning you. Don't fuck this up. If I come around one day to see a broken mess in the middle of that room and Y/N doesn't want to speak to me anymore, it's all on you. I swear to god. Don't test my patience, mister."
A heartfelt laugh escapes from Taeyong as he pulls his little sister back in. "What the hell are you talking about, silly?" He kisses the top of her hair. "And have I ever let you down before in my whole life? Don't underestimate your big brother."
He waggles his brows and he and his sister share an understanding look before they both turn to you, smiles still wide and filled with hope. And in that moment, the tears run free from the corner of your eyes and down your face.
"Baby," Taeyong rubs a hand along the side of your arms as Jinkyung steps closer to envelope you. It's overwhelming and unexpected, but your body feels the sense of relief and tension, the rush of the nerves dying down into a nice calm. "Are you okay? Y/N?"
You shake your head and hold your hand to your stomach, nodding, trying to bite back the lump building in your throat, sobs wracking your chest. "Yeah. I just love you guys. A lot. A stupid amount."
Taeyong tucks his chin on your right shoulder and plants another kiss. "I love you too."
"Eww, go get a room you two." She leans in to wrap her arms around you. "I love you too, bestie. And you can't ever leave us."
A wave of happiness washes over you, a release of everything that had been on your shoulders, a huge weight off your shoulders, and a great deal of relief washes through you as the emotions flow, taking over until you're not crying anymore, until the pain becomes something bearable and less painful.
And you remember. You always, always will. Because you're not alone.
Hidden Beneath the Phoenix Crown [Part 1] | Dong Sicheng
SUMMARY | You are a powerful Empress who defies patriarchal norms to lead the empire into battle against northern invaders, while Dong Sicheng, a former soldier disguised as a woman, joins the military to protect his sister. Amidst war and shifting societal roles, you and Sicheng—connected by a shared past—cross paths again, setting the stage for a deeper bond forged in loyalty, identity, and destiny.
PAIRINGS | Winwin (Sicheng) x Reader
RATING | SFW since there is no smut. Mature for themes such as war
GENRE | historical fantasy, angst, drama
CONTENT/WARNINGS | no smut warnings (there will be in part 2), political strife, new societal norms, the empire is a matriarchy now, action, this is war folks, slight angst, more content/warnings to come in part 2
AUTHOR’S NOTE | What was supposed to be a one shot is now a 2 parter lol. I thought it would make more sense to have sexy times in a part 2 rather than have it in part 1. Finally wrote a fic for Winwin and it took me foreverrrrr. This was inspired by Mulan lol. Happy reading!
NCT Main Masterlist
"Your Majesty, please consider sending more soldiers!" The ministers' unified cries rang out through the Royal Court. "The Huns are wreaking havoc upon the empire!"
Behind the silk screen sat the Daughter of Heaven—a term the ministers often used to describe you, the empress. You rubbed your temple, as you watched the ministers babble. Though you wanted them to quiet so your migraine would stop, they would not stop until the issue was settled.
You took the throne when your father passed away with no male heirs. His last decree was that you, his eldest and wisest, become empress. You would inherit his ministers, lands and great armies. You were twenty when your reign began and you've ruled your empire since.
As empress, you faced a lot of scrutiny, even from your ministers. Your beauty is timeless—unparalleled throughout the world, some would argue. That did nothing to help you. Most believed a woman is delicate, and should only ever tend to the affairs of the palace and family—but you were no ordinary woman.
In the eight years that you've ruled, you've proven yourself to your ministers and people time and time again. At first, there were countless times the ministers doubted you, and their lack of faith led you to spend countless days overcoming the difficulties of being a woman. A strong woman that led only female soldiers to victory against the enemies your father had faced—but failed to beat.
And despite their reservations, your ministers fell into your favor as you proved how much of a competent leader you were. But it does not mean they are without fault. Your court still finds faults with you, despite what you've overcome.
The old men then begged for an immediate expedition to the wall, and for you to consider raising an army of hundreds of thousands. All to expel the Huns' barbarity from their beloved lands.
You had half a mind to berate them as they justified sending thousands of women to the battlefield in the name of honor. But you were at a crossroads—it was the only choice you had, to continue fighting this war, or suffer another devastating attack.
Still, was this the right course?
With a deep sigh, you looked beyond the veil.
"Prime Minister Hsu," Your voice echoes throughout the Royal Court.
A grey haired man kneeled before you. "Yes, Your Majesty?"
"Prepare the armies for immediate action," you commanded. "I will personally lead this war, but only if all of my ministers agree, that is." You glance across the ministers to judge their reaction. You folded your hands in your lap. "Her Majesty, the Empress Dowager will oversee the imperial court, with your guidance Prime Minister."
"You cannot fight on the front lines, Your Majesty!" The men raised their voices, but not loudly enough to disrespect you.
"You do not believe I am capable?" You kept your chin up high.
"Forgive us," they cried, dropping to the ground. "We have no doubt that Your Majesty's fighting capabilities have remained the same. However," They nervously look around the Royal Court, to meet the cold gaze of the Daughter of Heaven, who stared down her subjects. "Your Majesty is very important, we can't afford to risk losing you. You've yet to produce an heir!"
That was true. It was imperative that you'd produce a child as soon as possible.
"Then you should pray for my victory so that I can return swiftly and bear an heir," you say. "Minister Liao, draw up an edict that every eligible and able-bodied female will be drafted into the war effort. Send all soldiers who can and will fight to the north, to the border between us and the Huns.”
Minister Liao raised an eyebrow. “What about the men?”
You shake your head and pointed out, "We do not have the numbers or time to organize a separate division for the men. Those who served under my father will retain their position but no new men will be drafted. They will stay behind to protect their fields, their businesses and their home. Times have changed Minister Liao. We lost many men during my father's reign to battle. Men who left widowed wives, and left behind their children fatherless. It is time we change our thinking."
"This is madness," another minister, Chen, argued but was silenced when you locked eyes. He bit back his tongue and bowed deeply in your direction.
“Yes, your majesty.” Minister Liao bowed. Though Minister Liao accepted your orders without protest, the other ministers did not agree. But you are the law, and all were subject to the rule of the Empress. No matter who disagreed with her.
“In the meantime, we will send our prayers to the ancestors, asking for strength and good fortune." You rose from the seat behind the screen. The ministers watch you intently. "I will depart at dawn, take up my sword and spear, and bring honor back to our glorious empire. May the ancestors guide my path."
As you rounded the curtain, the ministers began a cacophony of chanting. "May the Emperess live and reign for ten thousand years!"
Dong Sicheng sighed as he walked into the matchmaker's tea house.
When Xie Meilin expressed her desire to marry Sicheng, she begged her father—Sicheng's former military commander—to arrange a marriage to her. Xie Yunxi agreed, not knowing that Sicheng didn't even want to enter the marriage mart, nor be married at all. His parents only wanted him married, not because they wanted him to be happy, but because he was the eldest son and heir to his family's ancestral name.
Sicheng only wanted freedom, not to be stuck in a marriage where he would have to listen to his wife's every whim and take care of the children. Ever since the Empress's reign started eight years ago, women had started taking on the roles that men once dominated. Although there were men still in court, women ruled the domestic market and started entering the military. As a result of this drastic shift in the sexes' roles, men were forced to assume the duties of women like cooking, cleaning, sewing, and childcare, while women, were no longer confined to domestic life. Instead, women have begun training to defend the empire, which also helped contribute to the shrinking male population.
He was a warrior by nature—and as a man of honor and duty, his martial skills are essential to the wellbeing of the realm. Having served the former emperor and defending the southern borders, Sicheng wanted to continue making a name for himself. But when the emperor passed and the current Empress came to power, the men at the Southern border were replaced by the female regiment the empress ordered.
Once the dynasty turned to the matriarchy and women-dominated the military and domestic scene, there was no place for the remaining males, besides at home or in the matchmaking business. In the end, Sicheng had to resign from his position as a captain to join his parents run the family's silk business since his father had many duties as a minor official.
Since his transition to being a businessman and the future master of his household was a rocky one, he desperately clung onto his free life, as long as he could. He tried to prolong his bachelorhood. But that wish had vanished, and now he found himself seated at a tea table with Xie Meilin. He hoped today would go well, that his mother was wrong, and Xie Meilin was a woman just after his wealth and status. But a nagging feeling told him to leave, that there would be no reason to be there at all.
"You want to what?" Xie Meilin froze, teacup still hovering before her mouth.
Sicheng dug into the bowl of candied lotus root on their shared tray, oblivious of the heat on his fingers. "I don't want to go through with an arranged marriage," he said through mouthfuls of sugar.
Meilin stared incredulously at Sicheng's lax posture as he ate. "So what are you saying?"
"Can't I just not marry?" He gave her a shrug, swallowing the sweetness.
"Then what will you do, Dong Sicheng?" She shot him an exasperated look. "You're not getting any younger. You know how rare men like you are nowadays, if I let you get away, no man would ever want me!"
"You'll have plenty of men falling on their knees for you!" He threw his hands around for emphasis. "I want to explore the world and discover new places! You know how badly I've been wanting to travel," he scoffed and sat back in the hard wooden chair, folding his arms. "And I can't do that if I'm to be a husband and take care of the house and children."
“So you’d just going to leave me here alone? All the other ladies have found themselves matches, Dong Sicheng!" She buried her head in her palms. Meilin had been hoping that Sicheng would agree to the match since he was the best match. "What will my father, your former military commander, say if he learns of this? What if the whole city hears that I have no husband because you want to see the world instead of marrying me!? You may have no regard for your reputation, but I care a great deal about mine!"
"I'm sorry Meilin, I don't intend to disrespect you. But don't you think that you deserve better than this?" Sicheng gestured to himself. "You deserve someone who's going to devote his life to you, love you, not me."
"But I can never see a future with another man..."
"You'll find one, I promise." Sicheng took her hand and brushed a thumb against her knuckles. "When you find the man that's willing to give you everything, he'll be your forever."
Xie Meilin's face paled as the words left his lips. "You will never survive out there Dong Sicheng. The world is dominated by women now. You will never survive without the comfort and protection a wife will bring."
"I'm sorry Meilin," he squeezed her hand before letting it go and stood to leave. "Please tell your father, I apologize, but this is something I have to do. There's no changing my mind. The gods will keep you safe."
Meilin began to feel dread in the pit of her stomach as her childhood friend rose, pushing the tray aside. Her eyes went wide, frantically following his motions, as he rounded the table, until he had fully fled the tearoom.
Sicheng breathed out a sigh of relief, running a hand down his face. If Sicheng had stayed even another second in the tea house, Xie Meilin and he would be matched for life and he was no where near prepared for marriage. It was no secret that Meilin, as the daughter of Sicheng's mentor, Commander Xie, had wanted to match with him since their coming-of-age ceremonies. But no matter how badly she tried to convince him that they'd make a good pair, he was not convinced.
Walking through the marketplace, Sicheng saw numerous people gathering by the front of the city's entrance gates, with soldiers mounted on horses patrolling the streets. In all his years living in the city of Wenzhou, the gates were rarely closed and the military was rarely seen walking the city.
"Hey! Why has the gate closed off!?" Someone from the crowd yelled.
"Empress's orders!" A female soldier atop her horse said. "All female citizens of Wenzhou, regardless of gender or class, have been ordered to attend a draft!"
A gasp ripples through the crowd. "A draft? You've got to be joking! She can't just do this, can she?" Another bystander asked.
The woman pointed her lance to the sky and silenced the crowd. "Anyone who fails to obey the draft is subject to a charge of treason against the Imperial Court!"
"A draft!?" the first person from before yelled again. "Isn't this unfair? There hasn't been a draft since the former emperor and that was years ago to defend the Southern borders! Why are we drafting if the enemy was driven out years ago?"
"Her Imperial Majesty the Empress, has summoned an expedition against the Northern border," she clarified. "Any female able-bodied enough, will join the cause. Failure to report, will result in dishonor and the destruction of one's house. That is all!"
Sicheng joined his family's presence on the street, as other people lined up near the main gate. In total, there were around twenty young adults being conscripted into the military and divided into three groups, according to age: fifteen to sixteen, seventeen to eighteen and nineteen and above.
"Is anyone from the Dong Family here?" An Imperial Scout scanned the faces from a high post. Sicheng watched as his sister raised a timid hand. "Are you the only one?"
His father placed a strong grip on their daughter's shoulder, as they looked up to the scout.
"Please, my daughter is to be wed soon." His father protested. "She mustn't fight!"
"My condolences, Official Dong, but these are orders straight from the Imperial City," the soldier said. "From now on, these are new times, and this war will determine the future of our nation. Anyone who defies her Majesty, will no longer exist." She drew her bow from her back, preparing her arrow. "Orders are orders!"
"I have a son," Official Dong's voice cracked. He's never once lost his composure in front of so many people before. "He's served at the Southern borders with my wife's brother and has experience under his belt. Isn't there an exception that he can be drafted in their place, rather than my daughter?"
"Official Dong, you of all people know, that men are needed to tend to the home, the farms and families," the soldier sighed. "As capable as your son is, these are different times now. Your son has done enough for our nation and now it is time for him to fulfill his responsibility, to his household and the family."
"But—"
The soldier cuts off Official Dong and everyone took a collective breath, watching the scout load the arrow in her bow, ready to shoot at the Dongs.
Sicheng quickly moved from his spot in the crowd, rushing past other townspeople and towards the scout. He stopped when his sister saw him and put her hands up in the air to defend the family.
"Caiwei!" Sicheng cried. "What are you doing!?"
She closed her eyes tightly and shook her head. "It is my duty as the daughter of the Dong clan. I will protect the Dong House as long as my heart still beats."
Sicheng watched as the scroll was placed in his sister's shaking hands. "You are hereby enlisted, Dong Caiwei, as a member of the Imperial Military," the scout announced, pointing to the large print on the scroll. "In ten days, you will report to the training grounds, where your journey into becoming an officer begins."
Sicheng's hands curled into a ball, eyes never leaving Caiwei's terrified figure. His sister was raised as a lady that was skilled in embroidery and knew all the social graces required for her age; not the art of war. Now, he was witnessing a young woman be whisked away from her home, and her family, because an Empress called it so.
His heart couldn't take much more, and Sicheng looked back at his parents, whose tear-stained eyes told him they were hopeless to do anything to help their daughter even if they were one of the Empress's own officials, minor or not. The Empress's words are law—no matter the price.
He couldn't let his sister be drafted. Not now, nor ever. It was unbecoming for a nobleman's daughter to fight, despite the changing times. He couldn't live knowing her fate, so he had no other choice.
That afternoon was full of grieving families, parting ways and promises to keep in touch. In ten short days, the daughters, sons, wives and husbands would begin a dangerous path into joining the military and would embark into a life of struggle and war.
Sicheng couldn't have that for Caiwei, he'd never forgive himself if his sister was harmed or hurt. Grabbing his sword and cloak, the young man ventured outside the safety of his home.
This was his only chance to protect his sister, or risk never seeing her again.
You watched from the sidelines, as rows upon rows of young soldiers lined in the military training camps, while their respective instructors discussed tactics and formations to the battalions of girls. You kept to yourself, quietly looking around as the officers yelled to the girls about battle strategy, which weapon was suitable, the basics of using the tools in battle.
You were talking to a male general that had been in service since the dynasty fell to you. General Wu and the other remaining senior male military generals stayed in their positions, serving alongside you and guiding you along the way. Even after the matriarchy began, they made sure to welcome their female comrades without hesitation. It was an interesting dynamic to say the least.
"Your Majesty," one of the higher-ranking female officials walked into the tent, and bowed.
"I've told you many times, Captain Luo to address me as general." You insisted and paused in conversation with General Wu. "I understand that I'm the empress, but while we train these battalions, treat me no differently."
General Wu crossed his arms, silently nodding along.
Captain Luo bowed again. "Understood." She brought her fist to her palm and bowed deeply again. "General."
"Well, why did you interrupt us?" General Wu asked.
The female captain nodded. "Sorry, General. There seems to be an unruly woman in the ranks."
"Unruly?" You hummed and squared your shoulders.
"Yes." The captain shifted on her feet. "A rather tall female that already has years of combat experience. She says her teacher was General Xie. I've only met her today, and she's rather...gruff."
"What is this soldier's name?" You raised an eyebrow.
"Dong Caiwei, Your--er, General." Captain Luo cleared her throat and waited for her next order.
"She's one of General Xie's?" Wu questioned. You remember that name vividly. The General that used to lead the defense of the border, right before you assumed the throne. General Wu chuckled at that. "Now I'm really intrigued."
With a curt nod, you made your way to the practice grounds, as Captain Luo led you there. When you arrived, it took you a minute to understand what Luo had meant by unruly.
Standing in front of a soldier was a tall woman, perhaps just as tall as General Wu and broader too. Her eyes were sharp and she glared at her instructor like she wanted to murder her, which was intimidating to say the least.
"Dong Caiwei, is it?" you approached the taller female with General Wu by your side. Your eyes scanned the recruit in her dark leathers, and noted her bold facial structure—an almost boyish quality, similar to that of the males. There was a ferocious intensity in her eyes and posture, similar to what you noticed when your instructors first taught you how to be a fighter and leader. She wasn't pretty but rather handsome, if you can describe a person in such a manner.
Caiwei bent her knee and put her fist in her hand, bowing to the ground. You sensed the respect Caiwei had for authority. "Forgive my insolence, I apologize." You noticed that her voice was rather low for a girl, though not low enough to be considered masculine.
"How many years of martial arts and combat do you have, soldier?" Wu asked.
Caiwei snapped up like lightning and met her commanding officers' eyes. "Thirteen years, general."
"You were one of Xie Yunxi's, no?" Wu furrowed his eyebrows together.
"Yes, General," Caiwei nodded. "I have trained under him since I was fifteen. When my brother served at the southern border, we were learning how to fight."
"Good." He looked pleased with that answer and then looked over at Captain Luo. "What seems to be the problem then?"
Captain Luo pressed her lips together, her fists balling at her side. "She failed to respect the rules of the court, by disrupting the trainings by another female officer."
"What was it that Private Dong did?" You asked.
"She engaged in a fight against a fellow soldier." Luo clicked her tongue.
"Do you agree with the Captain, Private?" You asked Caiwei.
"No General," she said. "It was not a fight but rather a sparring session with another private. I was showing the other girls, especially the younger recruits, different moves on a fellow soldier." Caiwei explained.
You looked at the other female recruits and noticed their small nods, silently confirming what the soldier told you.
You folded your hands before you, feeling a tight squeeze in your chest. Caiwei was no ordinary soldier, you knew. Just by standing there, you can see she's a born fighter. It's all in her movements—she is graceful, quick, light on her feet. Very experienced, more than anyone else here. If what she says is true, then perhaps there can be more use for her in other ranks of the military.
"Captain," you said, breaking the silence between the four of you. "Let her go."
"Pardon?" Captain Luo raised an eyebrow.
"Send Private Dong to General Wu's battalion," you said, General Wu nodding in agreement. "If she has this much experience, then surely there will be more use in her skill than training with new soldiers."
Caiwei didn't appear surprised or grateful but rather her expression was a neutral one. A good quality to have in a military officer.
"As you wish," Captain Luo bowed, leading Caiwei towards the opposite side of the field where the older more experienced soldiers were training.
"A fine choice, Your Majesty. A woman like Dong Caiwei is hard to find. Strong, willing, and skilled. She'd make a valuable asset for any battalion," he said, once you and he were alone.
You offered him a soft smile. "We shall hope," you murmured, taking one last look at the woman and her new surroundings. "There's something about her...her presence almost reminds me of..." You shake your head. "No, it doesn't matter."
"Are you okay, Your Majesty?" he asked.
"Yes," you sighed, walking towards the center of the field. "Let us go check the supplies, shall we?"
Sicheng watched the retreating form of the commanding officers from his place. He knew it was risky to spare with a recruit but it was his way of being prepared and ensuring his own survival.
He was lucky that no one found out that he was a man. Sure, the women were curious about the recruit with boyish features and broad shoulders but to their knowledge, the recruit was Dong Caiwei. No one suspected that Dong Caiwei was male.
"Private Dong," Captain Luo said once they've reached her destination. "You'll now train with the other veteran and seasoned soldiers. Here's to your future."
Sicheng straightened his shoulders and saluted back to the captain, as Luo strode away to command her other charges. As she vanished from the scene, another figure made itself known.
A smaller man wearing all black, with a long dark ponytail and piercing gaze, walked towards Sicheng's group. "I am your instructor, Liutenant Qian Kun. I have served the Imperial Court since the days of the old Emperor and I have been blessed to continue serving under the present. General Wu informed me of your addition to the troop," his eyes raked through Sicheng's figure. "You were one of General Xie Yunxi's?"
Sicheng hesitated before answering. "Yes."
Qian Kun continued to circle him like a vulture. "Tell me soldier, have you ever engaged in battle before?"
"Many times sir," he replied. "While my brother was defending the Southern Borders, I helped defend the town." Sicheng stopped, when the commander halted directly behind him, breathing hot air down his neck.
"Your brother was in the army?" He asked.
"He served under the former Emperor, but once her Majesty came to power, he was replaced with the female regiment." He answered.
Kun's eyebrows narrowed. "Your brother is?"
Sicheng let out a breath. "Dong Sicheng, sir."
"Interesting..." Kun hummed as his eyes drifted towards the others before looking back at him. "What's your name private?"
"Dong Caiwei," Sicheng answered, shoulders relaxing as Kun continued to examine his frame. He fought the urge to panic, but remained cool and collected.
"I didn't know that Official Dong's children were skilled," the commander walked around to the front of the new recruit. "Good. I would hate to waste valuable talent. If you're anything like what I heard about your brother, then I should expect great things."
"Yes sir," Sicheng saluted to his instructor.
After some time, Sicheng was training with the rest of the more experienced and seasoned female soldiers of the imperial forces. Despite all the experience he has had fighting, training alongside women, felt very...odd. He knew some of the senior officers were men that served her Majesty but aside from the few, the rest were made up of girls and women of varying ages.
Sicheng had the eye of many veterans, so getting stares were nothing new. He couldn't blame them for being curious. As he continued training, the male soldiers often pointed him out and were impressed with his form. He knew he had to blend in with everyone, in order to pass as Caiwei and get to safety.
He attracted the eye of one particular officer, the beautiful general that accompanied General Wu. General Y/L/N had seen him perform different techniques in her presence, and every single time, she appeared satisfied. She was a firm-faced beauty, and her voice was silky, carrying a sense of leadership and superiority to it. But something about the way she walked, held her head up and looked directly into others' eyes, it seemed very familiar.
On most days, it was all the same. Everyone would wake up, eat breakfast, report to their separate trainings, train, work, train and work, until dinner time and go to sleep. Then, they would repeat it all over again.
That was how life at the camp worked, but it was different during nighttime. During nighttime, is when all of the soldiers were free, or as close to free as they can be. Some of them talked about their lives and how this war would mean more for them, others talked about how they were trying to keep up appearances in the presence of others and some were complaining that they were homesick and wanting to go home.
Not Sicheng. He didn't have any of these thoughts. All he thought about was his mission and nothing more.
"Are you not homesick Caiwei?" one of the soldiers asked. "All of us are."
He shook his head. "This is what is necessary. A duty to protect what I love." He said, hoping this would satisfy her.
And it did, because the soldier smiled. "It's wonderful to hear." She tucked a lock of stray hair behind her ear and let out an affectionate sigh. "It's hard for me not being able to be with my husband," she said wistfully. "Being stuck here in this army." She gave him a rueful smile.
"Do you have a husband or fiance back home, Caiwei?" another soldier asked.
Sicheng didn't know the appropriate response, as he debated on how he could possibly talk himself out of a marriage or whatever other complicated situation that the girls were in. "N-no," he said slowly. "I was never really interested in getting married. No man has ever wanted to marry someone as tall, loud and aggressive as me." Sicheng responded, in hopes the girl would drop the subject.
"Oh please Caiwei," the first girl said, flicking her wrist and rolling her eyes. "Any man would be lucky to have a warrior like yourself as his wife."
"You sell yourself short Caiwei!" the other one chimed. "Have you ever even been in love?"
Sicheng wanted so badly to shrink into the blanket, but opted to quietly nod, recalling a childhood memory of the girl in red he met at the southern borders and briefly entertained the idea of her, before pushing those thoughts away. Now was not the time for memories and wishes.
The group of female soldiers sighed. "My, oh my, there has got to be someone out there, waiting for your arrival," one of the girls said dreamily.
"He'd be very lucky indeed, to be a man chosen by a fine warrior like you," another smiled warmly.
Sicheng averted his gaze, as the other ladies gushed about men and arranged marriages. All he could do was watch the stars above, not uttering a single word. How can he tell them that he was a man masquerading as a girl in the female military?
This would remain his secret forever, for his sister's sake.
Once all the girls have gone to their respective sleeping bags, Sicheng returned to staring at the moon. No, there was no way he could tell them he was male. No way he could tell anyone. The stakes were high and his survival meant that his sister would live to see another day. That was the only option.
Suddenly, he heard footsteps in the distance and noticed General Y/L/N that making her way towards an empty clearing with a sword in her hand. He got up from his place and followed, not making any noise or suspicious movements, while staying hidden behind the shadows of the woods.
When Sicheng watched her face-to-face, the general was practicing some techniques on her own, swinging and dodging various objects—a stick or log of wood. She held the sword and positioned her stance, careful and focused. He observed the woman swing the weapon with expert skill. He can see that she has been training for years, based on how her body was graceful, agile and every movement was as smooth as water. Her swordplay was powerful and passionate, filled with emotion and poetic. Like music that told stories.
Her swordplay reminded him of the girl in red—their resemblance was uncanny. But there's no way it's possible that the general was the very same person, right?
The young lady dressed in red, whom he first met nearly twelve years ago, at the Southern border, had always been a vivid presence. Those same eyes, full of fire and passion, and a fearlessness and hunger for what she desired. That girl still lingered in Sicheng's mind—even today.
"I know you're here, Private Dong. Don't hide. It's impolite." She continued to practice without facing him.
Sicheng held in his breath but knew the only option was to obey her orders. He came out of the shadows and placed his fist in his palm, bowing to the ground. "This recruit apologizes, General Y/L/N," Sicheng said, bringing his eyes upward. The resemblance was the same and yet somehow different. "Please accept my sincerest apologies."
The general rolled her shoulders back, her fingers dancing around the hilt of her sword. "Liutenant Qian and General Wu sings nothing but good praises regarding your skills, private."
Sicheng stood up. "This recruit is flattered by their words."
"You speak very humbly for someone who has so much raw talent, soldier. Who would have thought Official Dong's children were capable warriors as well?" Her voice was rich with praise. "Wouldn't it be nice, to prove all those that ever doubted your abilities wrong?"
She still had her back to him. He sensed some kind of opportunity presenting itself. "Your words are appreciated," he said carefully, calculating her moves.
She brought her weapon down, as she finally met Sicheng's gaze. "I see potential in you, private. Not just your skills but something beyond that."
"What would that be?" he asked.
The corner of her lips curved, reminding Sicheng of a fox's. "That's up to you. Take advantage of this training. Use it to show the world just how valuable you can be, beyond what they see. Show the world what Dong Caiwe—ah, but you aren't Dong Caiwei...are you?"
"Who are you?" he couldn't stop himself. How did she figure it out? He was certain no one else would know. He made sure not to engage in unnecessary combat, just in case there would be physical scrutiny or...something. His cover was blown.
His commander's shoulders sagged and the grip around her weapon loosened. "That's a question I haven't heard in a long time." She almost looked melancholic. "Perhaps one day, we might find the answer, and when we do, it'll be you and me against the world."
"Why?" he demanded.
She turned back to him again. "Because the first time, we crossed paths, the winds shifted into place."
"I-I'm sorry?" He raised an eyebrow. "I don't think I understand."
A chuckle escaped her lips. "It has been a long time," she smiled as if reminiscing a sweet moment of her past. "Like I said," she twirled her sword, face serious and posture perfect. "Take advantage of this opportunity, before it passes you. I won't tell anyone about who you are, so long as you prove yourself in this war, Dong Sicheng."
"If anyone finds out my identity—" he started but cut himself off when a laugh came from her lips, something harsh.
"Oh I know about the punishments if your identity was ever found out, believe me," she shook her head. "But I won't turn down a valuable asset like you."
He remained still as the general went over to a pile of large rocks and logs of wood, a huge mound that was large enough for a human to hide beneath. It reminded him of a training dummy. "What do you know about me?" Sicheng said.
The commander brought her weapon up, sword striking at the dummy with precision. Sicheng watched with fascination. "A great deal." She responded. "Your father is a minor official stationed in Wenzhou and your family runs a silk business as well. Your sister Caiwei, is betrothed to Zhong Chenle, a tea merchant who has come into money. You served at the Southern Borders under General Xie under the former Emperor's reign, when men were allowed to serve. Once her Majesty, the Empress, assumed the throne and the females took over, she had the men removed. You had a normal chance at life and yet..." The commander made a slicing sound with the sword. "Here you are."
His lips parted in surprise. She had learned everything in such a short time? The other officers didn't make mention of anything but the commander knew everything about him. It was like she knew exactly who he was.
"Why should I trust you?" Sicheng challenged.
"Because, Dong Sicheng," she faced him, meeting his gaze. "Your life is in my hands."
You were right. Dong Caiwei was Dong Sicheng, the very same young man you met, twelve years prior. At first, you weren't sure. It'd been many years since you've seen Sicheng, since you were last at the Southern Border, training and studying war tactics and arts under General Xie. You were fighting at the Southern Borders alongside other soldiers, both male and females, as you defended the border against attacks.
From the beginning, General Xie treated you no differently than a common soldier, no matter your status or royal birth. He said if you are going to be a General leading a battalion, he won't show you any special treatment, the same way no soldier will receive such benefits for their roles. So, you were subjected to the same diets, routines, trainings as male soldiers, which in itself was a chore to adapt to. However, that same discipline gave you the skillset to train new women soldiers and ensure they had proper combat training and enough abilities to take down a man in battle, whether with a weapon or without.
During your time there, you noticed one boy around your age, that stood out more than anyone. Dong Sicheng, the kind of boy with bright eyes and beautiful lips, the young man who could be very determined when he put his heart and mind into doing anything.
He was beautiful, like a piece of art carved in stone. Whenever you got the chance, your eyes were glued to him, from the way he stood proud and tall to the way his laugh rang as clear as spring. From afar, you were merely content just seeing his soft, cheerful smile.
Yet, you knew better than to be distracted, for your duties came first.
Unfortunately, your stay there was short, and you were whisked away once you received an emergency summons back to the capitol, where the Emperor had fell sick suddenly. You were needed immediately and that, despite your reluctance, took precedent above everything else.
Just before you departed, however, you'd caught him outside, near a pavilion where flowers would bloom in the spring. You could never forget those eyes that belonged to him.
He was the first thing that flashed through your mind the moment you'd laid your eyes on Sicheng. In that instant you recognized him from twelve years ago—the boy was all grown up, more broad-shouldered and more confident. But he remained a beautiful painting, one that would capture everyone's attention in the room and remain at the front of a gallery. He had always been the shining, pure light among others. And somehow, even though the time in between has gone and he became a soldier, that beauty only enhanced his features, sculpted into the very man you've found yourself face-to-face with again.
You had the urge to seek him out, to converse with him and feel like a girl again. But it's difficult. This is a place of war, and you must set aside all other matters in order to survive.
"Are you not hungry?" General Wu said to you, a brow raised. It appears you weren't listening. "We've finished preparations. The final drafts of the strategy will go underway the moment General Huang arrives. If he doesn't, I fear the worst." He turned to gaze at you, a solemn look on his face.
You remembered your father's old friend Huang Lingyun—he had retired from the Imperial Court some time ago, and moved to the coast. His son, Huang Renjun, would now act as the new General of the East. It wasn't uncommon to retire after the new Empress's coming of age, in order to enjoy life to its fullest. This left the ranks for younger, more promising candidates.
"I'm sorry," You offered a weary smile, grabbing a bun and eating it with no fuss. "It has been quite tiring lately, has it not?"
"Mhm. But we cannot falter and we must give our all," General Wu finished the last bit of his wine, patting his stomach in satisfaction. "It's amazing how fate always seems to find a way of working out itself."
You paused your eating. "How so?"
"Well, you and I." Wu smiled fondly, looking deep into the embers of the fire in the distance. "I remember your father speaking proudly of you, a young child that wanted nothing more than to follow his footsteps. A true leader. When his illness kept him bedridden and he passed, you had taken upon the responsibility of following his dreams, never allowing your status as a woman stop you. How could the stars have known, that years later, we would cross paths in a completely different scenario, no less together in war?"
Your cheeks felt hot, a warmth pooled in your stomach. Your memories were vivid and clear. All of those nights you had cried and wished someone would make your father's health better. To keep him alive longer. That's what you'd always prayed for. But in the end, it wasn't meant to be.
You smiled back at him. "You were always like a second father to me, General Wu. Always there during those times I lost father."
He nodded, resting a hand on your shoulder and squeezing it affectionately. "And like your father, I'll ensure your reign as empress will continue as is destined. Your father would have been so proud of you, your accomplishments, your triumphs and tribulations. To have created such a dynasty in your honor, and that you lived to tell the tale of your people."
His words rang true, bringing a familiar ache in your chest. Your father never missed an opportunity to tell you just how proud he was, for everything you did and will achieve. Even in his deathbed, he wasn't bitter nor upset about having lost the empire. He was happy. Happy to pass a dynasty along to you.
General Wu had no children of his own, but perhaps by not being a blood relation or a relative in the traditional sense, it didn't stop the bond formed in the early years when you had to learn the ins and outs of combat, and train extensively for it. Back then, he was an unspoken father figure, the closest thing you've had to your real one. He taught and disciplined you and watched over you. Even now, as General, he was like an honorary uncle, although you were the general superior in the situation.
There was another reason the old man became close to you and that was because General Wu and your father were as thick as thieves, childhood friends who ran through the gardens together in their youth. He'd seen you as his own niece, a daughter of his heart. After losing your real one, General Wu was the only family member you'd come to trust after the new regime was formed.
"My apologies," he shook his head and released you.
You took a sip of wine. "No need for apologies, General."
"Now," he rubbed the side of his chin. "Who's to say what will happen in a few days?"
"We only have one goal, and one objective—defend our country from the threats and potential dangers to the north." You looked at the night sky and gazed upon the starry sky, your mind drifting to thoughts of the one soldier whose presence lingered in the back of your mind. You tried desperately to shut those thoughts out.
The journey was a long and dangerous one. At the very least, Sicheng hoped and prayed to get through in one piece. There were no promises that anyone else was alive out in the desolate wilderness, other than himself and his comrades.
Soon, the road opened and the skies began clearing. He caught glimpse of his group—other women clad in uniform and weapons strapped onto their persons. Some rode on horseback and other on foot. A noticed a few men that used to serve the former Emperor's court, as they remained within their ranks, no questions asked. The war was imminent and was going on, which meant that it was essential they unite all of their forces together as one unit.
From the horizon, Sicheng noticed more and more of their fellow forces. Each woman, young, old, some male and all united for one goal.
He scanned through the faces—some looked stoic, while others' determination burned strong. All of the soldiers wore the standard imperial attire with armor and a symbol of their nation. As the armies joined and they marched towards the Northern frontiers, the sound of drums rang out and trumpets were being blown.
Before their eyes, the marching, well-organized troops kept a quick, steady pace towards the main army. They moved almost rhythmically, in perfect synchrony.
Finally, the view of the troops came into full view—you were in the lead, atop the head of a magnificent chestnut mare. You'd donned your battle armor, holding onto the reigns of your horse while gazing ahead with an indifferent stare. In your hand, was a great weapon—a shining blade that was said to be crafted from the heavens above—and behind you were hundreds, perhaps thousands, of skilled, powerful fighters ready for action.
So you were the Empress that had united all of these troops and citizens. That much, he was aware. What he couldn't have anticipated was how young you are. You could've been around his age, yet, there was a quality to you that he could not put his finger on. Maybe it was how determined your eyes looked, with the weight of an entire empire on your shoulders.
Everyone was present and accounted for. Each division, every regiment had joined the fight. When the Emperor died and your father named you his successor, the surrounding territories and regions thought you to be nothing but a little girl who grew up protected from the world. Those rumors died down when you captured and secured several border provinces as an example, and subdued various insurrections. But now the men are able to see a fierce, commanding sovereign that led them into battle.
Sicheng could hear the whispers from the troops. The atmosphere seemed almost intimidating. But the looks of everyone seemed excited, happy, filled with drive and eager to engage. There were also a handful that were wary of your presence but respected your choice to fight as they have.
"I applaud you all for being here," the Empress spoke, addressing the soldiers and all those that would be in the field. The fires roared in the distance, highlighting the troops and all that had assembled. Your gaze lingered to every single one that would fight beside you. "Many have said that war would lead to a dark and unjust world, but that is why we stand here. No, we do not fight to cause injustice, we fight to maintain peace and tranquility in the land. You may have been asked to come here with uncertainty, and for that I commend each of you and all your contributions. Regardless of who or what you are, man or woman, citizen or noble, we all stand on the same ground, willing to protect our families and nation. Willing to risk it all, to see a tomorrow. May the Heavens bless us all and bring us victory!"
Your cry was joined by everyone else in your command—they answered your cry with their own enthusiasm. Everyone raised their fists and weapons, yelling their loudest. Sicheng couldn't deny that even he felt this surge of energy. For the Empress. For his fellow soldiers, men or women. For his family. This was for all the loved ones and ancestors that paved the way and brought them here.
Everyone that was under your banner raised their swords and banners high. The officers and generals echoed your call and shout, before turning to each soldier of their brigade.
"Men! Forward march!"
"Charge!!!"
"Give all you've got, no retreat! Charge!"
Everyone was ready and marching forward, with General Huang leading his part in defending the northern front. War wasn't something new for Sicheng, so he felt no sense of fear—however, he couldn't say that about everyone. He turned to a fellow private and could see her face visibly shaking.
"Hey," he said, gripping her shoulder. "Keep your head on. Breathe. All will be well."
She forced herself to smile. "O-okay."
Sicheng pulled himself away from his private and led his band to go to the north. All of them looked resolute in their place.
He's fighting a war and doesn't have the privilege to think about other matters at hand—however, something won't leave his mind and it was his encounter with the General and the Empress that looked exactly like the girl in red from his memories. Could it be? Was she and the Empress one and the same? It's something he could think about.
But for now, Sicheng will focus on defending his country.
"Private Dong! Get a move on!" a Lieutenant yelled at him.
"Yes m'am!" Sicheng replied quickly, getting into formation and walking into the unknown.
"This is it!" another comrade said. "Once we charge the enemy, it'll all be a matter of time."
"Just keep breathing, no matter what, we stick together, alright?" Sicheng instructed. "We'll protect our homeland until the last of us."
"Forward march!" General Wu, along with the other generals and lieutenants, kept a tight hold on the reins of the troops.
As the sun rises high, and the enemy standing on the opposite side, the leaders raised their weapons into the sky. The next battle was going to decide everything, afterall.
"Advance!" The war horns blasted across the valley. And in that very moment, the generals charged straight into the first wave of enemies, leaving only screams of dying men in their wake.
As expected, the battles between both sides were intense. It was an all out bloody fight for glory and the right to take control of the territory. Every blow and attack from your battalion was precise and ruthless, attacking from the flank to cause panic and mayhem.
Like every battle before, this one was no exception. Blood was drawn and life was taken from your hands. Swords clashed, bones were shattered, bodies crushed by shields, feet running over corpses and armor stained crimson red, mixing with mud and grime. Men with bloodlust attacked blindly, aiming to kill everything and anything.
This was war.
Everything around you was chaos, blood, dirt, screams and despair. Still you kept fighting on, to survive, to conquer, and to endure.
After weeks, months on the battlefield, you and the soldiers finally crossed the Imperial City's gate to a hero's welcome. Women wept in tears and cheers filled the crowd as they celebrated. Citizens were bringing flowers and foods, and families rejoiced as the injured troops arrived home, even some would run outside and catch their loved ones, embracing tightly and relishing the presence they once lost.
With pride, you watched as soldiers broke off from the main battalion to be with their families, who were ecstatic at seeing their loved ones return from war. One woman screamed happily, waving frantically at someone. She dropped all her belongings and ran towards one person in particular, as they stumbled in the dirt and laughed when they crashed against each other.
Who would be waiting for you back at the palace? What was there to welcome you at the very moment? The Empress Dowager? You knew she wouldn't since she wasn't your birth mother and only became Empress after your own mother passed away in childbirth. Your sisters? No, they were never there and seemed to enjoy living an extravagant and expensive lifestyle, relishing the rewards for doing absolutely nothing.
Oh, who cares? All that mattered was that you were finally home, that's all that ever mattered.
"Your Imperial Majesty," General Wu spoke up from behind you as you made your way into the city. His voice sounded raspy from exhaustion. "A job well done. Your father and mother would be proud."
You clenched your fist tightly, pressing the reigns of the horse as it rode forth. The generals, officers and troops followed your trail. "Thank you, General."
He rode at your side, a little ways before glancing up and noting how you looked far off into the distance, more so in thought. "It's a bit disappointing that the rest of the imperial family did not receive us," General Wu said with disappointment.
"I'm not at all surprised," you chuckled humorlessly. "The Empress Dowager and my sisters and their consorts couldn't care less and it's clear how they feel about the me."
"Your Majesty," he urged with worry in his tone. "Don't say such things—"
"What use is it anyway? Why should they bother coming to see me if they hate my existence to begin with?" You questioned, bitterness lacing in your tone.
A sigh left his lips, the exhaustion now catching up. He scratched the back of his head, noticing the gathering of the crowds of people who have all turned their attention to you as your presence was near the Imperial Palace.
"Even so, they're the only kin you've left in the world..." General Wu admitted with a hint of sympathy.
"You're more like family than they'll ever be," you smiled softly. He nodded and left it at that, knowing it would be fruitless to persuade you any more.
The night you returned back to the palace, a feast and banquet was thrown to honor your service and triumph of returning victorious. Most of the men, women and girls who had served were celebrated and thanked personally by you and some others. After the banquet, the celebration lasted a couple more weeks as they handed out provisions, gold, money to families who'd lost someone and many things in the war.
Today, you stood alone at your balcony, the winds dancing across your hair and skin as the moon's glow radiated off the sky. Stars scattered above, sparkling like tiny gems, a myriad of beauty. It was something that kept you preoccupied, rather than thinking about anything else.
Some people saw the sky and just accepted what was there, but sometimes there were nights like this. These clear nights when the stars would just shine brilliantly in the sky, uninhibited, unobscured. Yet the glow of the moon had taken center stage.
It's how things tended to work in life.
Some days were beautiful, like the gentle kisses on the neck at a moment's notice. Or those rare nights when everything aligned perfectly, making the perfect moment in time. But other days were full of storms and thunder. Everything's dark, clouded by uncertainty and misconception.
The thoughts wouldn't stop. Thoughts of everything—what happened, why did it happen? Where was this all heading? Your grip on the ledge became tighter, eyes scrunching up, heart pounding heavily in your chest. You needed something, but you were unsure of what that was. Perhaps, a certain person that crossed paths once again...
What were the chances that both of you would meet again, like this? A man in battle, and a woman, both soldiers destined to meet on the frontlines.
You had the ability to track him down. Maybe ask around or something. Would it be strange, for an Empress like you to seek out a lowly private like him? It would certainly raise some eyebrows and give birth to rumors. But you wanted to, for so many years now, you wished to see his bright smile and gorgeous eyes again, and talk.
It seemed impossible to attain what you wished. This position was not suited to allow much freedom for what you wanted, or who you wanted.
For the briefest of seconds, you closed your eyes, wondering and trying to imagine what Sicheng would look like. How different did he appear now, twelve years after your fated meeting. Did he become a better warrior, or perhaps a farmer, a blacksmith, a carpenter, a doctor or even a scholar? Who was he now? Would he have a family by now? Children maybe?
The thought made you furrow your eyebrows. Your nails dug into your flesh. Why does that bother you so much?
Your eyes fluttered open at the sound of someone approaching you. "Your Majesty," it's Eunuch Yu. "It's late. Everyone has gone to sleep already. You shouldn't remain up so long either."
"Thank you, Yu," you smiled.
"Can I assist you with anything else, your Imperial Majesty?" Yu bowed his head.
"Actually," you faced him fully. "Summon General Wu. I need him to find someone for me."
Sicheng entered the market with his horse by his side, along with a basket filled with all sorts of vegetables. With the winnings he collected, he planned to pay a visit to his grandmother's grave with fruits and vegetables to give thanks to his family.
It's been several months since the great battle and everyone was returning to a normal and quiet life. No wars, no violence. That meant Sicheng would get to focus on his family's silk business, while his father focused on his duties as an official.
When the war ended and Sicheng revealed that he was a man disguised as a female soldier, all his comrades were astonished and shocked beyond belief. All this time they thought him to be a beautiful young woman! And to top it off, he was also a brilliant soldier that played a crucial role in securing the war.
Many of the other soldiers made lighthearted remarks and teased him, wondering how a man so attractive as Sicheng could possibly conceal himself as a woman and play the part well. Some even asked if he was looking for a wife, that their sisters or daughters would have no issues if it was him.
From that point onwards, everyone knew him as a true man.
No, a great warrior who earned the respect of his fellow comrades and men and women alike.
So here he was. A civilian. A man. A soldier. A vendor.
Every day is a different experience, a new set of emotions and challenges. Sometimes, it felt empty not fighting or training anymore. There was no adrenaline rush of swinging a sword, slashing or holding his bow and arrow. Nor was it the pride and sense of accomplishment in defeating an enemy or winning a spar with a fellow soldier. But he still found ways to push and persevere.
Even now, he's content just living quietly and helping his village survive and grow, without needing the sword at his hip or arrows strapped onto his back.
Sicheng crossed paths with many farmers, a few vendors, peddlers and customers looking for food or tools. Their conversations were the background noise while he continued looking and checking out each booth, admiring the wares and his ears perking up at each bit of gossip and idle chatter.
One conversation caught his attention.
"Did you hear, about the Empress? Well she's still unmarried..."
"Is she not afraid of age catching up to her, sooner or later? Soon, her ability to bare heirs will fade and the nation will fall into ruins."
"But the empire has other—"
"None of the other princesses and their consorts want the position. Who knows when another war might come? You think they would step up to defend the nation?"
"Heavens, let it never come. But now that the last batch has gone through, and none have passed her Imperial Highness's test, I wonder if her highness might go searching elsewhere."
Sicheng raised a brow, continuing along the path while hearing bits and pieces. Then his mind went back to the battlefield where he met you, and how powerful you were in command. If they truly had the capability to oppose you, it would've happened already. Besides, your authority wasn't only an empty title. Anyone who thought of an opportunity to play political games would know just how terrible your wrath would become.
At the very least, being alone has its own charm and beauty. You could grow at your own pace, becoming whoever and whatever you wished, without relying on anyone or needing anyone. You are the most powerful woman in all of China, and should there be any opposition, you could handle it with ease.
But the pressure to marry, especially one as powerful as you? The thought gave Sicheng chills and made him more thankful for not being you, of being a mere farmer instead. The burden is just too much for one person alone.
The noise picked up, along with the crowd, making Sicheng pause and focus his vision. There's no mistaking what was approaching. The imperial guards surrounded an older man, a eunuch no doubt, walking beside a sedan, with all its ornate decorations and beautiful craftsmanship.
Everyone around Sicheng stopped to lower their heads, bending over with respect and offering a reverence, all for the one and only empress and ruler of all of China even if you weren't present.
"Is there a Dong Sicheng in the crowd?" the older man called out, eyes scanning across the hordes.
"I'm him," Sicheng replied. He could not escape an imperial eunuch after all. His family relied on him to ensure no harm ever came, despite their social ranking. Sicheng lowered himself in an elaborate bow, and waited as the eunuch examined him.
The eunuch unrolled the scroll to read from the paper. "Private Dong Sicheng has served during the northern campaign, received the General's honors for outstanding bravery and distinction in battle. The empress hereby confers on him the honorable position of Royal Guard of the Right, along with a salary, housing and a substantial bonus to be distributed among his family. Do you accept this decree?"
He had to accept under imperial order, it was written plainly enough for him to comprehend. And really, it didn't surprise him. Many of his comrades, and those from the opposing army, were all given these opportunities.
"I, Dong Sicheng, accept the royal appointment from the throne," he spoke aloud.
"Good. You will enter the palace in a months time."
The eunuch rolled the parchment up, placed it in Sicheng's hand and moved on. People continued with their lives, and his gaze dropped to the imperial gift given to him. It should be enough for his family to prosper and have a decent life. But still, an invitation from the empress. She might remember him, and in return, he still has those memories he holds dearly.
It seems that fate might be fickle at times, but regardless, he's going to treasure and embrace what awaited.
Hidden Beneath the Phoenix Crown [Part 1] | Dong Sicheng
SUMMARY | You are a powerful Empress who defies patriarchal norms to lead the empire into battle against northern invaders, while Dong Sicheng, a former soldier disguised as a woman, joins the military to protect his sister. Amidst war and shifting societal roles, you and Sicheng—connected by a shared past—cross paths again, setting the stage for a deeper bond forged in loyalty, identity, and destiny.
PAIRINGS | Winwin (Sicheng) x Reader
RATING | SFW since there is no smut. Mature for themes such as war
GENRE | historical fantasy, angst, drama
CONTENT/WARNINGS | no smut warnings (there will be in part 2), political strife, new societal norms, the empire is a matriarchy now, action, this is war folks, slight angst, more content/warnings to come in part 2
AUTHOR’S NOTE | What was supposed to be a one shot is now a 2 parter lol. I thought it would make more sense to have sexy times in a part 2 rather than have it in part 1. Finally wrote a fic for Winwin and it took me foreverrrrr. This was inspired by Mulan lol. Happy reading!
NCT Main Masterlist
"Your Majesty, please consider sending more soldiers!" The ministers' unified cries rang out through the Royal Court. "The Huns are wreaking havoc upon the empire!"
Behind the silk screen sat the Daughter of Heaven—a term the ministers often used to describe you, the empress. You rubbed your temple, as you watched the ministers babble. Though you wanted them to quiet so your migraine would stop, they would not stop until the issue was settled.
You took the throne when your father passed away with no male heirs. His last decree was that you, his eldest and wisest, become empress. You would inherit his ministers, lands and great armies. You were twenty when your reign began and you've ruled your empire since.
As empress, you faced a lot of scrutiny, even from your ministers. Your beauty is timeless—unparalleled throughout the world, some would argue. That did nothing to help you. Most believed a woman is delicate, and should only ever tend to the affairs of the palace and family—but you were no ordinary woman.
In the eight years that you've ruled, you've proven yourself to your ministers and people time and time again. At first, there were countless times the ministers doubted you, and their lack of faith led you to spend countless days overcoming the difficulties of being a woman. A strong woman that led only female soldiers to victory against the enemies your father had faced—but failed to beat.
And despite their reservations, your ministers fell into your favor as you proved how much of a competent leader you were. But it does not mean they are without fault. Your court still finds faults with you, despite what you've overcome.
The old men then begged for an immediate expedition to the wall, and for you to consider raising an army of hundreds of thousands. All to expel the Huns' barbarity from their beloved lands.
You had half a mind to berate them as they justified sending thousands of women to the battlefield in the name of honor. But you were at a crossroads—it was the only choice you had, to continue fighting this war, or suffer another devastating attack.
Still, was this the right course?
With a deep sigh, you looked beyond the veil.
"Prime Minister Hsu," Your voice echoes throughout the Royal Court.
A grey haired man kneeled before you. "Yes, Your Majesty?"
"Prepare the armies for immediate action," you commanded. "I will personally lead this war, but only if all of my ministers agree, that is." You glance across the ministers to judge their reaction. You folded your hands in your lap. "Her Majesty, the Empress Dowager will oversee the imperial court, with your guidance Prime Minister."
"You cannot fight on the front lines, Your Majesty!" The men raised their voices, but not loudly enough to disrespect you.
"You do not believe I am capable?" You kept your chin up high.
"Forgive us," they cried, dropping to the ground. "We have no doubt that Your Majesty's fighting capabilities have remained the same. However," They nervously look around the Royal Court, to meet the cold gaze of the Daughter of Heaven, who stared down her subjects. "Your Majesty is very important, we can't afford to risk losing you. You've yet to produce an heir!"
That was true. It was imperative that you'd produce a child as soon as possible.
"Then you should pray for my victory so that I can return swiftly and bear an heir," you say. "Minister Liao, draw up an edict that every eligible and able-bodied female will be drafted into the war effort. Send all soldiers who can and will fight to the north, to the border between us and the Huns.”
Minister Liao raised an eyebrow. “What about the men?”
You shake your head and pointed out, "We do not have the numbers or time to organize a separate division for the men. Those who served under my father will retain their position but no new men will be drafted. They will stay behind to protect their fields, their businesses and their home. Times have changed Minister Liao. We lost many men during my father's reign to battle. Men who left widowed wives, and left behind their children fatherless. It is time we change our thinking."
"This is madness," another minister, Chen, argued but was silenced when you locked eyes. He bit back his tongue and bowed deeply in your direction.
“Yes, your majesty.” Minister Liao bowed. Though Minister Liao accepted your orders without protest, the other ministers did not agree. But you are the law, and all were subject to the rule of the Empress. No matter who disagreed with her.
“In the meantime, we will send our prayers to the ancestors, asking for strength and good fortune." You rose from the seat behind the screen. The ministers watch you intently. "I will depart at dawn, take up my sword and spear, and bring honor back to our glorious empire. May the ancestors guide my path."
As you rounded the curtain, the ministers began a cacophony of chanting. "May the Emperess live and reign for ten thousand years!"
Dong Sicheng sighed as he walked into the matchmaker's tea house.
When Xie Meilin expressed her desire to marry Sicheng, she begged her father—Sicheng's former military commander—to arrange a marriage to her. Xie Yunxi agreed, not knowing that Sicheng didn't even want to enter the marriage mart, nor be married at all. His parents only wanted him married, not because they wanted him to be happy, but because he was the eldest son and heir to his family's ancestral name.
Sicheng only wanted freedom, not to be stuck in a marriage where he would have to listen to his wife's every whim and take care of the children. Ever since the Empress's reign started eight years ago, women had started taking on the roles that men once dominated. Although there were men still in court, women ruled the domestic market and started entering the military. As a result of this drastic shift in the sexes' roles, men were forced to assume the duties of women like cooking, cleaning, sewing, and childcare, while women, were no longer confined to domestic life. Instead, women have begun training to defend the empire, which also helped contribute to the shrinking male population.
He was a warrior by nature—and as a man of honor and duty, his martial skills are essential to the wellbeing of the realm. Having served the former emperor and defending the southern borders, Sicheng wanted to continue making a name for himself. But when the emperor passed and the current Empress came to power, the men at the Southern border were replaced by the female regiment the empress ordered.
Once the dynasty turned to the matriarchy and women-dominated the military and domestic scene, there was no place for the remaining males, besides at home or in the matchmaking business. In the end, Sicheng had to resign from his position as a captain to join his parents run the family's silk business since his father had many duties as a minor official.
Since his transition to being a businessman and the future master of his household was a rocky one, he desperately clung onto his free life, as long as he could. He tried to prolong his bachelorhood. But that wish had vanished, and now he found himself seated at a tea table with Xie Meilin. He hoped today would go well, that his mother was wrong, and Xie Meilin was a woman just after his wealth and status. But a nagging feeling told him to leave, that there would be no reason to be there at all.
"You want to what?" Xie Meilin froze, teacup still hovering before her mouth.
Sicheng dug into the bowl of candied lotus root on their shared tray, oblivious of the heat on his fingers. "I don't want to go through with an arranged marriage," he said through mouthfuls of sugar.
Meilin stared incredulously at Sicheng's lax posture as he ate. "So what are you saying?"
"Can't I just not marry?" He gave her a shrug, swallowing the sweetness.
"Then what will you do, Dong Sicheng?" She shot him an exasperated look. "You're not getting any younger. You know how rare men like you are nowadays, if I let you get away, no man would ever want me!"
"You'll have plenty of men falling on their knees for you!" He threw his hands around for emphasis. "I want to explore the world and discover new places! You know how badly I've been wanting to travel," he scoffed and sat back in the hard wooden chair, folding his arms. "And I can't do that if I'm to be a husband and take care of the house and children."
“So you’d just going to leave me here alone? All the other ladies have found themselves matches, Dong Sicheng!" She buried her head in her palms. Meilin had been hoping that Sicheng would agree to the match since he was the best match. "What will my father, your former military commander, say if he learns of this? What if the whole city hears that I have no husband because you want to see the world instead of marrying me!? You may have no regard for your reputation, but I care a great deal about mine!"
"I'm sorry Meilin, I don't intend to disrespect you. But don't you think that you deserve better than this?" Sicheng gestured to himself. "You deserve someone who's going to devote his life to you, love you, not me."
"But I can never see a future with another man..."
"You'll find one, I promise." Sicheng took her hand and brushed a thumb against her knuckles. "When you find the man that's willing to give you everything, he'll be your forever."
Xie Meilin's face paled as the words left his lips. "You will never survive out there Dong Sicheng. The world is dominated by women now. You will never survive without the comfort and protection a wife will bring."
"I'm sorry Meilin," he squeezed her hand before letting it go and stood to leave. "Please tell your father, I apologize, but this is something I have to do. There's no changing my mind. The gods will keep you safe."
Meilin began to feel dread in the pit of her stomach as her childhood friend rose, pushing the tray aside. Her eyes went wide, frantically following his motions, as he rounded the table, until he had fully fled the tearoom.
Sicheng breathed out a sigh of relief, running a hand down his face. If Sicheng had stayed even another second in the tea house, Xie Meilin and he would be matched for life and he was no where near prepared for marriage. It was no secret that Meilin, as the daughter of Sicheng's mentor, Commander Xie, had wanted to match with him since their coming-of-age ceremonies. But no matter how badly she tried to convince him that they'd make a good pair, he was not convinced.
Walking through the marketplace, Sicheng saw numerous people gathering by the front of the city's entrance gates, with soldiers mounted on horses patrolling the streets. In all his years living in the city of Wenzhou, the gates were rarely closed and the military was rarely seen walking the city.
"Hey! Why has the gate closed off!?" Someone from the crowd yelled.
"Empress's orders!" A female soldier atop her horse said. "All female citizens of Wenzhou, regardless of gender or class, have been ordered to attend a draft!"
A gasp ripples through the crowd. "A draft? You've got to be joking! She can't just do this, can she?" Another bystander asked.
The woman pointed her lance to the sky and silenced the crowd. "Anyone who fails to obey the draft is subject to a charge of treason against the Imperial Court!"
"A draft!?" the first person from before yelled again. "Isn't this unfair? There hasn't been a draft since the former emperor and that was years ago to defend the Southern borders! Why are we drafting if the enemy was driven out years ago?"
"Her Imperial Majesty the Empress, has summoned an expedition against the Northern border," she clarified. "Any female able-bodied enough, will join the cause. Failure to report, will result in dishonor and the destruction of one's house. That is all!"
Sicheng joined his family's presence on the street, as other people lined up near the main gate. In total, there were around twenty young adults being conscripted into the military and divided into three groups, according to age: fifteen to sixteen, seventeen to eighteen and nineteen and above.
"Is anyone from the Dong Family here?" An Imperial Scout scanned the faces from a high post. Sicheng watched as his sister raised a timid hand. "Are you the only one?"
His father placed a strong grip on their daughter's shoulder, as they looked up to the scout.
"Please, my daughter is to be wed soon." His father protested. "She mustn't fight!"
"My condolences, Official Dong, but these are orders straight from the Imperial City," the soldier said. "From now on, these are new times, and this war will determine the future of our nation. Anyone who defies her Majesty, will no longer exist." She drew her bow from her back, preparing her arrow. "Orders are orders!"
"I have a son," Official Dong's voice cracked. He's never once lost his composure in front of so many people before. "He's served at the Southern borders with my wife's brother and has experience under his belt. Isn't there an exception that he can be drafted in their place, rather than my daughter?"
"Official Dong, you of all people know, that men are needed to tend to the home, the farms and families," the soldier sighed. "As capable as your son is, these are different times now. Your son has done enough for our nation and now it is time for him to fulfill his responsibility, to his household and the family."
"But—"
The soldier cuts off Official Dong and everyone took a collective breath, watching the scout load the arrow in her bow, ready to shoot at the Dongs.
Sicheng quickly moved from his spot in the crowd, rushing past other townspeople and towards the scout. He stopped when his sister saw him and put her hands up in the air to defend the family.
"Caiwei!" Sicheng cried. "What are you doing!?"
She closed her eyes tightly and shook her head. "It is my duty as the daughter of the Dong clan. I will protect the Dong House as long as my heart still beats."
Sicheng watched as the scroll was placed in his sister's shaking hands. "You are hereby enlisted, Dong Caiwei, as a member of the Imperial Military," the scout announced, pointing to the large print on the scroll. "In ten days, you will report to the training grounds, where your journey into becoming an officer begins."
Sicheng's hands curled into a ball, eyes never leaving Caiwei's terrified figure. His sister was raised as a lady that was skilled in embroidery and knew all the social graces required for her age; not the art of war. Now, he was witnessing a young woman be whisked away from her home, and her family, because an Empress called it so.
His heart couldn't take much more, and Sicheng looked back at his parents, whose tear-stained eyes told him they were hopeless to do anything to help their daughter even if they were one of the Empress's own officials, minor or not. The Empress's words are law—no matter the price.
He couldn't let his sister be drafted. Not now, nor ever. It was unbecoming for a nobleman's daughter to fight, despite the changing times. He couldn't live knowing her fate, so he had no other choice.
That afternoon was full of grieving families, parting ways and promises to keep in touch. In ten short days, the daughters, sons, wives and husbands would begin a dangerous path into joining the military and would embark into a life of struggle and war.
Sicheng couldn't have that for Caiwei, he'd never forgive himself if his sister was harmed or hurt. Grabbing his sword and cloak, the young man ventured outside the safety of his home.
This was his only chance to protect his sister, or risk never seeing her again.
You watched from the sidelines, as rows upon rows of young soldiers lined in the military training camps, while their respective instructors discussed tactics and formations to the battalions of girls. You kept to yourself, quietly looking around as the officers yelled to the girls about battle strategy, which weapon was suitable, the basics of using the tools in battle.
You were talking to a male general that had been in service since the dynasty fell to you. General Wu and the other remaining senior male military generals stayed in their positions, serving alongside you and guiding you along the way. Even after the matriarchy began, they made sure to welcome their female comrades without hesitation. It was an interesting dynamic to say the least.
"Your Majesty," one of the higher-ranking female officials walked into the tent, and bowed.
"I've told you many times, Captain Luo to address me as general." You insisted and paused in conversation with General Wu. "I understand that I'm the empress, but while we train these battalions, treat me no differently."
General Wu crossed his arms, silently nodding along.
Captain Luo bowed again. "Understood." She brought her fist to her palm and bowed deeply again. "General."
"Well, why did you interrupt us?" General Wu asked.
The female captain nodded. "Sorry, General. There seems to be an unruly woman in the ranks."
"Unruly?" You hummed and squared your shoulders.
"Yes." The captain shifted on her feet. "A rather tall female that already has years of combat experience. She says her teacher was General Xie. I've only met her today, and she's rather...gruff."
"What is this soldier's name?" You raised an eyebrow.
"Dong Caiwei, Your--er, General." Captain Luo cleared her throat and waited for her next order.
"She's one of General Xie's?" Wu questioned. You remember that name vividly. The General that used to lead the defense of the border, right before you assumed the throne. General Wu chuckled at that. "Now I'm really intrigued."
With a curt nod, you made your way to the practice grounds, as Captain Luo led you there. When you arrived, it took you a minute to understand what Luo had meant by unruly.
Standing in front of a soldier was a tall woman, perhaps just as tall as General Wu and broader too. Her eyes were sharp and she glared at her instructor like she wanted to murder her, which was intimidating to say the least.
"Dong Caiwei, is it?" you approached the taller female with General Wu by your side. Your eyes scanned the recruit in her dark leathers, and noted her bold facial structure—an almost boyish quality, similar to that of the males. There was a ferocious intensity in her eyes and posture, similar to what you noticed when your instructors first taught you how to be a fighter and leader. She wasn't pretty but rather handsome, if you can describe a person in such a manner.
Caiwei bent her knee and put her fist in her hand, bowing to the ground. You sensed the respect Caiwei had for authority. "Forgive my insolence, I apologize." You noticed that her voice was rather low for a girl, though not low enough to be considered masculine.
"How many years of martial arts and combat do you have, soldier?" Wu asked.
Caiwei snapped up like lightning and met her commanding officers' eyes. "Thirteen years, general."
"You were one of Xie Yunxi's, no?" Wu furrowed his eyebrows together.
"Yes, General," Caiwei nodded. "I have trained under him since I was fifteen. When my brother served at the southern border, we were learning how to fight."
"Good." He looked pleased with that answer and then looked over at Captain Luo. "What seems to be the problem then?"
Captain Luo pressed her lips together, her fists balling at her side. "She failed to respect the rules of the court, by disrupting the trainings by another female officer."
"What was it that Private Dong did?" You asked.
"She engaged in a fight against a fellow soldier." Luo clicked her tongue.
"Do you agree with the Captain, Private?" You asked Caiwei.
"No General," she said. "It was not a fight but rather a sparring session with another private. I was showing the other girls, especially the younger recruits, different moves on a fellow soldier." Caiwei explained.
You looked at the other female recruits and noticed their small nods, silently confirming what the soldier told you.
You folded your hands before you, feeling a tight squeeze in your chest. Caiwei was no ordinary soldier, you knew. Just by standing there, you can see she's a born fighter. It's all in her movements—she is graceful, quick, light on her feet. Very experienced, more than anyone else here. If what she says is true, then perhaps there can be more use for her in other ranks of the military.
"Captain," you said, breaking the silence between the four of you. "Let her go."
"Pardon?" Captain Luo raised an eyebrow.
"Send Private Dong to General Wu's battalion," you said, General Wu nodding in agreement. "If she has this much experience, then surely there will be more use in her skill than training with new soldiers."
Caiwei didn't appear surprised or grateful but rather her expression was a neutral one. A good quality to have in a military officer.
"As you wish," Captain Luo bowed, leading Caiwei towards the opposite side of the field where the older more experienced soldiers were training.
"A fine choice, Your Majesty. A woman like Dong Caiwei is hard to find. Strong, willing, and skilled. She'd make a valuable asset for any battalion," he said, once you and he were alone.
You offered him a soft smile. "We shall hope," you murmured, taking one last look at the woman and her new surroundings. "There's something about her...her presence almost reminds me of..." You shake your head. "No, it doesn't matter."
"Are you okay, Your Majesty?" he asked.
"Yes," you sighed, walking towards the center of the field. "Let us go check the supplies, shall we?"
Sicheng watched the retreating form of the commanding officers from his place. He knew it was risky to spare with a recruit but it was his way of being prepared and ensuring his own survival.
He was lucky that no one found out that he was a man. Sure, the women were curious about the recruit with boyish features and broad shoulders but to their knowledge, the recruit was Dong Caiwei. No one suspected that Dong Caiwei was male.
"Private Dong," Captain Luo said once they've reached her destination. "You'll now train with the other veteran and seasoned soldiers. Here's to your future."
Sicheng straightened his shoulders and saluted back to the captain, as Luo strode away to command her other charges. As she vanished from the scene, another figure made itself known.
A smaller man wearing all black, with a long dark ponytail and piercing gaze, walked towards Sicheng's group. "I am your instructor, Liutenant Qian Kun. I have served the Imperial Court since the days of the old Emperor and I have been blessed to continue serving under the present. General Wu informed me of your addition to the troop," his eyes raked through Sicheng's figure. "You were one of General Xie Yunxi's?"
Sicheng hesitated before answering. "Yes."
Qian Kun continued to circle him like a vulture. "Tell me soldier, have you ever engaged in battle before?"
"Many times sir," he replied. "While my brother was defending the Southern Borders, I helped defend the town." Sicheng stopped, when the commander halted directly behind him, breathing hot air down his neck.
"Your brother was in the army?" He asked.
"He served under the former Emperor, but once her Majesty came to power, he was replaced with the female regiment." He answered.
Kun's eyebrows narrowed. "Your brother is?"
Sicheng let out a breath. "Dong Sicheng, sir."
"Interesting..." Kun hummed as his eyes drifted towards the others before looking back at him. "What's your name private?"
"Dong Caiwei," Sicheng answered, shoulders relaxing as Kun continued to examine his frame. He fought the urge to panic, but remained cool and collected.
"I didn't know that Official Dong's children were skilled," the commander walked around to the front of the new recruit. "Good. I would hate to waste valuable talent. If you're anything like what I heard about your brother, then I should expect great things."
"Yes sir," Sicheng saluted to his instructor.
After some time, Sicheng was training with the rest of the more experienced and seasoned female soldiers of the imperial forces. Despite all the experience he has had fighting, training alongside women, felt very...odd. He knew some of the senior officers were men that served her Majesty but aside from the few, the rest were made up of girls and women of varying ages.
Sicheng had the eye of many veterans, so getting stares were nothing new. He couldn't blame them for being curious. As he continued training, the male soldiers often pointed him out and were impressed with his form. He knew he had to blend in with everyone, in order to pass as Caiwei and get to safety.
He attracted the eye of one particular officer, the beautiful general that accompanied General Wu. General Y/L/N had seen him perform different techniques in her presence, and every single time, she appeared satisfied. She was a firm-faced beauty, and her voice was silky, carrying a sense of leadership and superiority to it. But something about the way she walked, held her head up and looked directly into others' eyes, it seemed very familiar.
On most days, it was all the same. Everyone would wake up, eat breakfast, report to their separate trainings, train, work, train and work, until dinner time and go to sleep. Then, they would repeat it all over again.
That was how life at the camp worked, but it was different during nighttime. During nighttime, is when all of the soldiers were free, or as close to free as they can be. Some of them talked about their lives and how this war would mean more for them, others talked about how they were trying to keep up appearances in the presence of others and some were complaining that they were homesick and wanting to go home.
Not Sicheng. He didn't have any of these thoughts. All he thought about was his mission and nothing more.
"Are you not homesick Caiwei?" one of the soldiers asked. "All of us are."
He shook his head. "This is what is necessary. A duty to protect what I love." He said, hoping this would satisfy her.
And it did, because the soldier smiled. "It's wonderful to hear." She tucked a lock of stray hair behind her ear and let out an affectionate sigh. "It's hard for me not being able to be with my husband," she said wistfully. "Being stuck here in this army." She gave him a rueful smile.
"Do you have a husband or fiance back home, Caiwei?" another soldier asked.
Sicheng didn't know the appropriate response, as he debated on how he could possibly talk himself out of a marriage or whatever other complicated situation that the girls were in. "N-no," he said slowly. "I was never really interested in getting married. No man has ever wanted to marry someone as tall, loud and aggressive as me." Sicheng responded, in hopes the girl would drop the subject.
"Oh please Caiwei," the first girl said, flicking her wrist and rolling her eyes. "Any man would be lucky to have a warrior like yourself as his wife."
"You sell yourself short Caiwei!" the other one chimed. "Have you ever even been in love?"
Sicheng wanted so badly to shrink into the blanket, but opted to quietly nod, recalling a childhood memory of the girl in red he met at the southern borders and briefly entertained the idea of her, before pushing those thoughts away. Now was not the time for memories and wishes.
The group of female soldiers sighed. "My, oh my, there has got to be someone out there, waiting for your arrival," one of the girls said dreamily.
"He'd be very lucky indeed, to be a man chosen by a fine warrior like you," another smiled warmly.
Sicheng averted his gaze, as the other ladies gushed about men and arranged marriages. All he could do was watch the stars above, not uttering a single word. How can he tell them that he was a man masquerading as a girl in the female military?
This would remain his secret forever, for his sister's sake.
Once all the girls have gone to their respective sleeping bags, Sicheng returned to staring at the moon. No, there was no way he could tell them he was male. No way he could tell anyone. The stakes were high and his survival meant that his sister would live to see another day. That was the only option.
Suddenly, he heard footsteps in the distance and noticed General Y/L/N that making her way towards an empty clearing with a sword in her hand. He got up from his place and followed, not making any noise or suspicious movements, while staying hidden behind the shadows of the woods.
When Sicheng watched her face-to-face, the general was practicing some techniques on her own, swinging and dodging various objects—a stick or log of wood. She held the sword and positioned her stance, careful and focused. He observed the woman swing the weapon with expert skill. He can see that she has been training for years, based on how her body was graceful, agile and every movement was as smooth as water. Her swordplay was powerful and passionate, filled with emotion and poetic. Like music that told stories.
Her swordplay reminded him of the girl in red—their resemblance was uncanny. But there's no way it's possible that the general was the very same person, right?
The young lady dressed in red, whom he first met nearly twelve years ago, at the Southern border, had always been a vivid presence. Those same eyes, full of fire and passion, and a fearlessness and hunger for what she desired. That girl still lingered in Sicheng's mind—even today.
"I know you're here, Private Dong. Don't hide. It's impolite." She continued to practice without facing him.
Sicheng held in his breath but knew the only option was to obey her orders. He came out of the shadows and placed his fist in his palm, bowing to the ground. "This recruit apologizes, General Y/L/N," Sicheng said, bringing his eyes upward. The resemblance was the same and yet somehow different. "Please accept my sincerest apologies."
The general rolled her shoulders back, her fingers dancing around the hilt of her sword. "Liutenant Qian and General Wu sings nothing but good praises regarding your skills, private."
Sicheng stood up. "This recruit is flattered by their words."
"You speak very humbly for someone who has so much raw talent, soldier. Who would have thought Official Dong's children were capable warriors as well?" Her voice was rich with praise. "Wouldn't it be nice, to prove all those that ever doubted your abilities wrong?"
She still had her back to him. He sensed some kind of opportunity presenting itself. "Your words are appreciated," he said carefully, calculating her moves.
She brought her weapon down, as she finally met Sicheng's gaze. "I see potential in you, private. Not just your skills but something beyond that."
"What would that be?" he asked.
The corner of her lips curved, reminding Sicheng of a fox's. "That's up to you. Take advantage of this training. Use it to show the world just how valuable you can be, beyond what they see. Show the world what Dong Caiwe—ah, but you aren't Dong Caiwei...are you?"
"Who are you?" he couldn't stop himself. How did she figure it out? He was certain no one else would know. He made sure not to engage in unnecessary combat, just in case there would be physical scrutiny or...something. His cover was blown.
His commander's shoulders sagged and the grip around her weapon loosened. "That's a question I haven't heard in a long time." She almost looked melancholic. "Perhaps one day, we might find the answer, and when we do, it'll be you and me against the world."
"Why?" he demanded.
She turned back to him again. "Because the first time, we crossed paths, the winds shifted into place."
"I-I'm sorry?" He raised an eyebrow. "I don't think I understand."
A chuckle escaped her lips. "It has been a long time," she smiled as if reminiscing a sweet moment of her past. "Like I said," she twirled her sword, face serious and posture perfect. "Take advantage of this opportunity, before it passes you. I won't tell anyone about who you are, so long as you prove yourself in this war, Dong Sicheng."
"If anyone finds out my identity—" he started but cut himself off when a laugh came from her lips, something harsh.
"Oh I know about the punishments if your identity was ever found out, believe me," she shook her head. "But I won't turn down a valuable asset like you."
He remained still as the general went over to a pile of large rocks and logs of wood, a huge mound that was large enough for a human to hide beneath. It reminded him of a training dummy. "What do you know about me?" Sicheng said.
The commander brought her weapon up, sword striking at the dummy with precision. Sicheng watched with fascination. "A great deal." She responded. "Your father is a minor official stationed in Wenzhou and your family runs a silk business as well. Your sister Caiwei, is betrothed to Zhong Chenle, a tea merchant who has come into money. You served at the Southern Borders under General Xie under the former Emperor's reign, when men were allowed to serve. Once her Majesty, the Empress, assumed the throne and the females took over, she had the men removed. You had a normal chance at life and yet..." The commander made a slicing sound with the sword. "Here you are."
His lips parted in surprise. She had learned everything in such a short time? The other officers didn't make mention of anything but the commander knew everything about him. It was like she knew exactly who he was.
"Why should I trust you?" Sicheng challenged.
"Because, Dong Sicheng," she faced him, meeting his gaze. "Your life is in my hands."
You were right. Dong Caiwei was Dong Sicheng, the very same young man you met, twelve years prior. At first, you weren't sure. It'd been many years since you've seen Sicheng, since you were last at the Southern Border, training and studying war tactics and arts under General Xie. You were fighting at the Southern Borders alongside other soldiers, both male and females, as you defended the border against attacks.
From the beginning, General Xie treated you no differently than a common soldier, no matter your status or royal birth. He said if you are going to be a General leading a battalion, he won't show you any special treatment, the same way no soldier will receive such benefits for their roles. So, you were subjected to the same diets, routines, trainings as male soldiers, which in itself was a chore to adapt to. However, that same discipline gave you the skillset to train new women soldiers and ensure they had proper combat training and enough abilities to take down a man in battle, whether with a weapon or without.
During your time there, you noticed one boy around your age, that stood out more than anyone. Dong Sicheng, the kind of boy with bright eyes and beautiful lips, the young man who could be very determined when he put his heart and mind into doing anything.
He was beautiful, like a piece of art carved in stone. Whenever you got the chance, your eyes were glued to him, from the way he stood proud and tall to the way his laugh rang as clear as spring. From afar, you were merely content just seeing his soft, cheerful smile.
Yet, you knew better than to be distracted, for your duties came first.
Unfortunately, your stay there was short, and you were whisked away once you received an emergency summons back to the capitol, where the Emperor had fell sick suddenly. You were needed immediately and that, despite your reluctance, took precedent above everything else.
Just before you departed, however, you'd caught him outside, near a pavilion where flowers would bloom in the spring. You could never forget those eyes that belonged to him.
He was the first thing that flashed through your mind the moment you'd laid your eyes on Sicheng. In that instant you recognized him from twelve years ago—the boy was all grown up, more broad-shouldered and more confident. But he remained a beautiful painting, one that would capture everyone's attention in the room and remain at the front of a gallery. He had always been the shining, pure light among others. And somehow, even though the time in between has gone and he became a soldier, that beauty only enhanced his features, sculpted into the very man you've found yourself face-to-face with again.
You had the urge to seek him out, to converse with him and feel like a girl again. But it's difficult. This is a place of war, and you must set aside all other matters in order to survive.
"Are you not hungry?" General Wu said to you, a brow raised. It appears you weren't listening. "We've finished preparations. The final drafts of the strategy will go underway the moment General Huang arrives. If he doesn't, I fear the worst." He turned to gaze at you, a solemn look on his face.
You remembered your father's old friend Huang Lingyun—he had retired from the Imperial Court some time ago, and moved to the coast. His son, Huang Renjun, would now act as the new General of the East. It wasn't uncommon to retire after the new Empress's coming of age, in order to enjoy life to its fullest. This left the ranks for younger, more promising candidates.
"I'm sorry," You offered a weary smile, grabbing a bun and eating it with no fuss. "It has been quite tiring lately, has it not?"
"Mhm. But we cannot falter and we must give our all," General Wu finished the last bit of his wine, patting his stomach in satisfaction. "It's amazing how fate always seems to find a way of working out itself."
You paused your eating. "How so?"
"Well, you and I." Wu smiled fondly, looking deep into the embers of the fire in the distance. "I remember your father speaking proudly of you, a young child that wanted nothing more than to follow his footsteps. A true leader. When his illness kept him bedridden and he passed, you had taken upon the responsibility of following his dreams, never allowing your status as a woman stop you. How could the stars have known, that years later, we would cross paths in a completely different scenario, no less together in war?"
Your cheeks felt hot, a warmth pooled in your stomach. Your memories were vivid and clear. All of those nights you had cried and wished someone would make your father's health better. To keep him alive longer. That's what you'd always prayed for. But in the end, it wasn't meant to be.
You smiled back at him. "You were always like a second father to me, General Wu. Always there during those times I lost father."
He nodded, resting a hand on your shoulder and squeezing it affectionately. "And like your father, I'll ensure your reign as empress will continue as is destined. Your father would have been so proud of you, your accomplishments, your triumphs and tribulations. To have created such a dynasty in your honor, and that you lived to tell the tale of your people."
His words rang true, bringing a familiar ache in your chest. Your father never missed an opportunity to tell you just how proud he was, for everything you did and will achieve. Even in his deathbed, he wasn't bitter nor upset about having lost the empire. He was happy. Happy to pass a dynasty along to you.
General Wu had no children of his own, but perhaps by not being a blood relation or a relative in the traditional sense, it didn't stop the bond formed in the early years when you had to learn the ins and outs of combat, and train extensively for it. Back then, he was an unspoken father figure, the closest thing you've had to your real one. He taught and disciplined you and watched over you. Even now, as General, he was like an honorary uncle, although you were the general superior in the situation.
There was another reason the old man became close to you and that was because General Wu and your father were as thick as thieves, childhood friends who ran through the gardens together in their youth. He'd seen you as his own niece, a daughter of his heart. After losing your real one, General Wu was the only family member you'd come to trust after the new regime was formed.
"My apologies," he shook his head and released you.
You took a sip of wine. "No need for apologies, General."
"Now," he rubbed the side of his chin. "Who's to say what will happen in a few days?"
"We only have one goal, and one objective—defend our country from the threats and potential dangers to the north." You looked at the night sky and gazed upon the starry sky, your mind drifting to thoughts of the one soldier whose presence lingered in the back of your mind. You tried desperately to shut those thoughts out.
The journey was a long and dangerous one. At the very least, Sicheng hoped and prayed to get through in one piece. There were no promises that anyone else was alive out in the desolate wilderness, other than himself and his comrades.
Soon, the road opened and the skies began clearing. He caught glimpse of his group—other women clad in uniform and weapons strapped onto their persons. Some rode on horseback and other on foot. A noticed a few men that used to serve the former Emperor's court, as they remained within their ranks, no questions asked. The war was imminent and was going on, which meant that it was essential they unite all of their forces together as one unit.
From the horizon, Sicheng noticed more and more of their fellow forces. Each woman, young, old, some male and all united for one goal.
He scanned through the faces—some looked stoic, while others' determination burned strong. All of the soldiers wore the standard imperial attire with armor and a symbol of their nation. As the armies joined and they marched towards the Northern frontiers, the sound of drums rang out and trumpets were being blown.
Before their eyes, the marching, well-organized troops kept a quick, steady pace towards the main army. They moved almost rhythmically, in perfect synchrony.
Finally, the view of the troops came into full view—you were in the lead, atop the head of a magnificent chestnut mare. You'd donned your battle armor, holding onto the reigns of your horse while gazing ahead with an indifferent stare. In your hand, was a great weapon—a shining blade that was said to be crafted from the heavens above—and behind you were hundreds, perhaps thousands, of skilled, powerful fighters ready for action.
So you were the Empress that had united all of these troops and citizens. That much, he was aware. What he couldn't have anticipated was how young you are. You could've been around his age, yet, there was a quality to you that he could not put his finger on. Maybe it was how determined your eyes looked, with the weight of an entire empire on your shoulders.
Everyone was present and accounted for. Each division, every regiment had joined the fight. When the Emperor died and your father named you his successor, the surrounding territories and regions thought you to be nothing but a little girl who grew up protected from the world. Those rumors died down when you captured and secured several border provinces as an example, and subdued various insurrections. But now the men are able to see a fierce, commanding sovereign that led them into battle.
Sicheng could hear the whispers from the troops. The atmosphere seemed almost intimidating. But the looks of everyone seemed excited, happy, filled with drive and eager to engage. There were also a handful that were wary of your presence but respected your choice to fight as they have.
"I applaud you all for being here," the Empress spoke, addressing the soldiers and all those that would be in the field. The fires roared in the distance, highlighting the troops and all that had assembled. Your gaze lingered to every single one that would fight beside you. "Many have said that war would lead to a dark and unjust world, but that is why we stand here. No, we do not fight to cause injustice, we fight to maintain peace and tranquility in the land. You may have been asked to come here with uncertainty, and for that I commend each of you and all your contributions. Regardless of who or what you are, man or woman, citizen or noble, we all stand on the same ground, willing to protect our families and nation. Willing to risk it all, to see a tomorrow. May the Heavens bless us all and bring us victory!"
Your cry was joined by everyone else in your command—they answered your cry with their own enthusiasm. Everyone raised their fists and weapons, yelling their loudest. Sicheng couldn't deny that even he felt this surge of energy. For the Empress. For his fellow soldiers, men or women. For his family. This was for all the loved ones and ancestors that paved the way and brought them here.
Everyone that was under your banner raised their swords and banners high. The officers and generals echoed your call and shout, before turning to each soldier of their brigade.
"Men! Forward march!"
"Charge!!!"
"Give all you've got, no retreat! Charge!"
Everyone was ready and marching forward, with General Huang leading his part in defending the northern front. War wasn't something new for Sicheng, so he felt no sense of fear—however, he couldn't say that about everyone. He turned to a fellow private and could see her face visibly shaking.
"Hey," he said, gripping her shoulder. "Keep your head on. Breathe. All will be well."
She forced herself to smile. "O-okay."
Sicheng pulled himself away from his private and led his band to go to the north. All of them looked resolute in their place.
He's fighting a war and doesn't have the privilege to think about other matters at hand—however, something won't leave his mind and it was his encounter with the General and the Empress that looked exactly like the girl in red from his memories. Could it be? Was she and the Empress one and the same? It's something he could think about.
But for now, Sicheng will focus on defending his country.
"Private Dong! Get a move on!" a Lieutenant yelled at him.
"Yes m'am!" Sicheng replied quickly, getting into formation and walking into the unknown.
"This is it!" another comrade said. "Once we charge the enemy, it'll all be a matter of time."
"Just keep breathing, no matter what, we stick together, alright?" Sicheng instructed. "We'll protect our homeland until the last of us."
"Forward march!" General Wu, along with the other generals and lieutenants, kept a tight hold on the reins of the troops.
As the sun rises high, and the enemy standing on the opposite side, the leaders raised their weapons into the sky. The next battle was going to decide everything, afterall.
"Advance!" The war horns blasted across the valley. And in that very moment, the generals charged straight into the first wave of enemies, leaving only screams of dying men in their wake.
As expected, the battles between both sides were intense. It was an all out bloody fight for glory and the right to take control of the territory. Every blow and attack from your battalion was precise and ruthless, attacking from the flank to cause panic and mayhem.
Like every battle before, this one was no exception. Blood was drawn and life was taken from your hands. Swords clashed, bones were shattered, bodies crushed by shields, feet running over corpses and armor stained crimson red, mixing with mud and grime. Men with bloodlust attacked blindly, aiming to kill everything and anything.
This was war.
Everything around you was chaos, blood, dirt, screams and despair. Still you kept fighting on, to survive, to conquer, and to endure.
After weeks, months on the battlefield, you and the soldiers finally crossed the Imperial City's gate to a hero's welcome. Women wept in tears and cheers filled the crowd as they celebrated. Citizens were bringing flowers and foods, and families rejoiced as the injured troops arrived home, even some would run outside and catch their loved ones, embracing tightly and relishing the presence they once lost.
With pride, you watched as soldiers broke off from the main battalion to be with their families, who were ecstatic at seeing their loved ones return from war. One woman screamed happily, waving frantically at someone. She dropped all her belongings and ran towards one person in particular, as they stumbled in the dirt and laughed when they crashed against each other.
Who would be waiting for you back at the palace? What was there to welcome you at the very moment? The Empress Dowager? You knew she wouldn't since she wasn't your birth mother and only became Empress after your own mother passed away in childbirth. Your sisters? No, they were never there and seemed to enjoy living an extravagant and expensive lifestyle, relishing the rewards for doing absolutely nothing.
Oh, who cares? All that mattered was that you were finally home, that's all that ever mattered.
"Your Imperial Majesty," General Wu spoke up from behind you as you made your way into the city. His voice sounded raspy from exhaustion. "A job well done. Your father and mother would be proud."
You clenched your fist tightly, pressing the reigns of the horse as it rode forth. The generals, officers and troops followed your trail. "Thank you, General."
He rode at your side, a little ways before glancing up and noting how you looked far off into the distance, more so in thought. "It's a bit disappointing that the rest of the imperial family did not receive us," General Wu said with disappointment.
"I'm not at all surprised," you chuckled humorlessly. "The Empress Dowager and my sisters and their consorts couldn't care less and it's clear how they feel about the me."
"Your Majesty," he urged with worry in his tone. "Don't say such things—"
"What use is it anyway? Why should they bother coming to see me if they hate my existence to begin with?" You questioned, bitterness lacing in your tone.
A sigh left his lips, the exhaustion now catching up. He scratched the back of his head, noticing the gathering of the crowds of people who have all turned their attention to you as your presence was near the Imperial Palace.
"Even so, they're the only kin you've left in the world..." General Wu admitted with a hint of sympathy.
"You're more like family than they'll ever be," you smiled softly. He nodded and left it at that, knowing it would be fruitless to persuade you any more.
The night you returned back to the palace, a feast and banquet was thrown to honor your service and triumph of returning victorious. Most of the men, women and girls who had served were celebrated and thanked personally by you and some others. After the banquet, the celebration lasted a couple more weeks as they handed out provisions, gold, money to families who'd lost someone and many things in the war.
Today, you stood alone at your balcony, the winds dancing across your hair and skin as the moon's glow radiated off the sky. Stars scattered above, sparkling like tiny gems, a myriad of beauty. It was something that kept you preoccupied, rather than thinking about anything else.
Some people saw the sky and just accepted what was there, but sometimes there were nights like this. These clear nights when the stars would just shine brilliantly in the sky, uninhibited, unobscured. Yet the glow of the moon had taken center stage.
It's how things tended to work in life.
Some days were beautiful, like the gentle kisses on the neck at a moment's notice. Or those rare nights when everything aligned perfectly, making the perfect moment in time. But other days were full of storms and thunder. Everything's dark, clouded by uncertainty and misconception.
The thoughts wouldn't stop. Thoughts of everything—what happened, why did it happen? Where was this all heading? Your grip on the ledge became tighter, eyes scrunching up, heart pounding heavily in your chest. You needed something, but you were unsure of what that was. Perhaps, a certain person that crossed paths once again...
What were the chances that both of you would meet again, like this? A man in battle, and a woman, both soldiers destined to meet on the frontlines.
You had the ability to track him down. Maybe ask around or something. Would it be strange, for an Empress like you to seek out a lowly private like him? It would certainly raise some eyebrows and give birth to rumors. But you wanted to, for so many years now, you wished to see his bright smile and gorgeous eyes again, and talk.
It seemed impossible to attain what you wished. This position was not suited to allow much freedom for what you wanted, or who you wanted.
For the briefest of seconds, you closed your eyes, wondering and trying to imagine what Sicheng would look like. How different did he appear now, twelve years after your fated meeting. Did he become a better warrior, or perhaps a farmer, a blacksmith, a carpenter, a doctor or even a scholar? Who was he now? Would he have a family by now? Children maybe?
The thought made you furrow your eyebrows. Your nails dug into your flesh. Why does that bother you so much?
Your eyes fluttered open at the sound of someone approaching you. "Your Majesty," it's Eunuch Yu. "It's late. Everyone has gone to sleep already. You shouldn't remain up so long either."
"Thank you, Yu," you smiled.
"Can I assist you with anything else, your Imperial Majesty?" Yu bowed his head.
"Actually," you faced him fully. "Summon General Wu. I need him to find someone for me."
Sicheng entered the market with his horse by his side, along with a basket filled with all sorts of vegetables. With the winnings he collected, he planned to pay a visit to his grandmother's grave with fruits and vegetables to give thanks to his family.
It's been several months since the great battle and everyone was returning to a normal and quiet life. No wars, no violence. That meant Sicheng would get to focus on his family's silk business, while his father focused on his duties as an official.
When the war ended and Sicheng revealed that he was a man disguised as a female soldier, all his comrades were astonished and shocked beyond belief. All this time they thought him to be a beautiful young woman! And to top it off, he was also a brilliant soldier that played a crucial role in securing the war.
Many of the other soldiers made lighthearted remarks and teased him, wondering how a man so attractive as Sicheng could possibly conceal himself as a woman and play the part well. Some even asked if he was looking for a wife, that their sisters or daughters would have no issues if it was him.
From that point onwards, everyone knew him as a true man.
No, a great warrior who earned the respect of his fellow comrades and men and women alike.
So here he was. A civilian. A man. A soldier. A vendor.
Every day is a different experience, a new set of emotions and challenges. Sometimes, it felt empty not fighting or training anymore. There was no adrenaline rush of swinging a sword, slashing or holding his bow and arrow. Nor was it the pride and sense of accomplishment in defeating an enemy or winning a spar with a fellow soldier. But he still found ways to push and persevere.
Even now, he's content just living quietly and helping his village survive and grow, without needing the sword at his hip or arrows strapped onto his back.
Sicheng crossed paths with many farmers, a few vendors, peddlers and customers looking for food or tools. Their conversations were the background noise while he continued looking and checking out each booth, admiring the wares and his ears perking up at each bit of gossip and idle chatter.
One conversation caught his attention.
"Did you hear, about the Empress? Well she's still unmarried..."
"Is she not afraid of age catching up to her, sooner or later? Soon, her ability to bare heirs will fade and the nation will fall into ruins."
"But the empire has other—"
"None of the other princesses and their consorts want the position. Who knows when another war might come? You think they would step up to defend the nation?"
"Heavens, let it never come. But now that the last batch has gone through, and none have passed her Imperial Highness's test, I wonder if her highness might go searching elsewhere."
Sicheng raised a brow, continuing along the path while hearing bits and pieces. Then his mind went back to the battlefield where he met you, and how powerful you were in command. If they truly had the capability to oppose you, it would've happened already. Besides, your authority wasn't only an empty title. Anyone who thought of an opportunity to play political games would know just how terrible your wrath would become.
At the very least, being alone has its own charm and beauty. You could grow at your own pace, becoming whoever and whatever you wished, without relying on anyone or needing anyone. You are the most powerful woman in all of China, and should there be any opposition, you could handle it with ease.
But the pressure to marry, especially one as powerful as you? The thought gave Sicheng chills and made him more thankful for not being you, of being a mere farmer instead. The burden is just too much for one person alone.
The noise picked up, along with the crowd, making Sicheng pause and focus his vision. There's no mistaking what was approaching. The imperial guards surrounded an older man, a eunuch no doubt, walking beside a sedan, with all its ornate decorations and beautiful craftsmanship.
Everyone around Sicheng stopped to lower their heads, bending over with respect and offering a reverence, all for the one and only empress and ruler of all of China even if you weren't present.
"Is there a Dong Sicheng in the crowd?" the older man called out, eyes scanning across the hordes.
"I'm him," Sicheng replied. He could not escape an imperial eunuch after all. His family relied on him to ensure no harm ever came, despite their social ranking. Sicheng lowered himself in an elaborate bow, and waited as the eunuch examined him.
The eunuch unrolled the scroll to read from the paper. "Private Dong Sicheng has served during the northern campaign, received the General's honors for outstanding bravery and distinction in battle. The empress hereby confers on him the honorable position of Royal Guard of the Right, along with a salary, housing and a substantial bonus to be distributed among his family. Do you accept this decree?"
He had to accept under imperial order, it was written plainly enough for him to comprehend. And really, it didn't surprise him. Many of his comrades, and those from the opposing army, were all given these opportunities.
"I, Dong Sicheng, accept the royal appointment from the throne," he spoke aloud.
"Good. You will enter the palace in a months time."
The eunuch rolled the parchment up, placed it in Sicheng's hand and moved on. People continued with their lives, and his gaze dropped to the imperial gift given to him. It should be enough for his family to prosper and have a decent life. But still, an invitation from the empress. She might remember him, and in return, he still has those memories he holds dearly.
It seems that fate might be fickle at times, but regardless, he's going to treasure and embrace what awaited.
SUMMARY | Your trio—you, Jeno, and Jaemin—has always been effortless. But as adulthood hits and feelings shift, the balance becomes fragile. Both men start acting differently, and when the truth comes out, you’re forced to confront what you’ve been avoiding: You don’t want to lose either of them.
PAIRINGS | Jeno x fem!reader x Jaemin
RATING | Mature, NSFW, EXPLICIT, MDNI, 18+
GENRE | smut, friends to lovers, threesome
CONTENT/WARNINGS | non-idols au, profanity/strong language, childhood friends turn lovers, confessions, slight angst, threesome, fingering, oral sex (both male/female receiving/giving), double penetrative sex (vaginal/anal), unprotective sex (wrap it up folks!), dirty talk, praising, pet names, hair grabbing, creampies
When you turn to look at Jeno, you thought he was playing a joke on you, but the look on his face wasn't a playful one. He looked scared, nervous, but hopeful. "W-what did you say?"
He looks at Jaemin, who was standing behind him, looking a little nervous as well. "I said that I love you."
You feel your cheeks getting warmer and you look over at Jaemin.
He gives you a soft smile and walks over to stand beside Jeno. "So do I, actually," he says, rubbing the back of his neck. "Have been for awhile."
When Jaemin suggested that the three of you take a vacation from your workplaces and go on a road trip together, you were all for it. And you were even more excited when you found out that he had rented a really nice RV, complete with a bedroom, kitchenette, and bathroom. You had packed everything you needed, including enough food and drinks to last the entire trip, and were ready to go.
The whole idea behind this trip was so that you, Jeno, and Jaemin could reconnect after being busy with work. Jeno had been busy with his bar, which had been taking off in recent months, and Jaemin had been stuck in a pool non-stop, but that's what happens when you're a coach for a high school swim team. You yourself had been a little busy, working your way up the ranks at your corporate office job.
Jeno and Jaemin were already thick as thieves when you met them in middle school. Your family had just moved into the neighborhood and you were so nervous about starting school in a new place. But on your first day, the two of them welcomed you warmly and made you feel at home. You became fast friends, and before you knew it, a duo became a trio. You three were always together, going to school, hanging out after school, and then doing whatever on the weekends.
But somewhere along the way, things changed. Your feelings for them changed. You couldn't explain it, you just...fell for them. Hard. But the two of them never saw you like that, at least you thought they didn't. They dated around and always had a girlfriend, and you were the one always watching them. Watching them from the side, and sometimes wishing that it was you.
Now, as the three of you stood in the tiny kitchenette, you felt awkward. Jeno and Jaemin were acting weird throughout this whole trip, and it was beginning to get on your nerves. They were quieter than normal and were constantly looking at you when they thought you weren't looking. They weren't touching you like they usually would, either, no more head pats or arms wrapped around your shoulders. It was almost like they were trying to keep their distance from you, and you had no idea why.
And when the RV stopped at an unoccupied campground, you cornered them both in the small space and demanded what was going on. You never imagined being confessed to by the both of them at the same time.
"What?" you say, dumbfounded. You're not sure how long you had stood there, frozen, not knowing what to say.
"So, which one of us are you going to choose?" Jaemin asks.
"I-I," you're still unsure how to react, "You're joking with me, right? This is a joke, isn't it?" You're trying to laugh it off, hoping that this is a big joke and they'll break character soon. But neither of them move. Neither of them even crack a smile. "Jeno? Jaemin? You're messing with me, right?"
They're still silent. Your heart is beating out of your chest, your throat goes dry. "This is a joke, right?" your voice trembles. "Guys?"
"No," Jeno speaks softly, his eyes cast down to the floor, "It's not."
Your head is spinning, and you're having trouble breathing. The RV starts to feel small, the walls are closing in. It's silent, aside from your heavy breathing, the only sound filling the room.
What can you say? Your best friends of many years have just confessed their love for you, and they're expecting an answer, but what are you supposed to say? How can you even begin to tell them how you're feeling right now?
"I don't know," you finally say.
"What do you mean, you don't know?" Jeno asks.
"I mean, I don't know what to say." You feel like your heart is going to burst out of your chest. "You both just confessed your feelings for me, and I don't know how to respond."
"We understand if you don't feel the same way," Jaemin says. "But we wanted you to know how we felt. We didn't want to keep it a secret anymore."
"We know it's a lot to process, but we're here for you," Jeno says, reaching out to grab your hand. You flinch at his touch and when you look at Jeno, his face drops a little.
"I need some time to think," you say, taking a step back. "I need to figure this out, I'm sorry." You turn and quickly leave the RV.
You walk down the path, not knowing where you're going, and not caring. You just need to get away. Away from the guys, away from their confession, away from the confusing feelings they're making you feel.
"Y/N! Wait!"
You hear Jeno calling for you, and it only makes you walk faster. But before you can get too far, a pair of strong hands grab you by the arm and spins you around. You come face-to-face with Jeno, his expression full of concern.
"Where are you going?" he asks, his voice a little breathless from running after you.
"I-I don't know," you admit, trying to pull your arm from his grasp. But he holds firm. "Let go of me, Jeno."
"No, not until you talk to me." His voice is pleading. "Y/N, please."
"Why are you doing this?"
"Doing what?"
"This!" you say, motioning between the two of you. "Why are you doing this to me?"
"Doing what?" Jeno repeats, his eyes searching yours. "Y/N, talk to me. Tell me what's wrong."
"Everything is wrong," you cry, feeling the tears start to flow. You see Jaemin running up behind Jeno, but you're so overcome with emotions that you don't care. "You and Jaemin, telling me how you feel, it's all wrong."
"How is that wrong?" Jaemin asks as stands next to you.
"Because!"
"Because why?" he asks.
"Because I've been in love with both of you for years," you yell, your voice echoing off the trees. You let out a sob and bury your face in your hands. "And now, you're making me choose, and I don't know what to do. I don't want to hurt either of you, but I can't choose between you. So, why are you making me choose?"
You feel strong arms wrap around you, pulling you into a tight embrace. You cling to the person, burying your face in their shoulder, sobbing uncontrollably. You hear voices speaking, but you're too upset to pay attention.
"I'm sorry, Y/N," Jeno says, his voice close to your ear. "We didn't know. We never would have done this if we knew."
"It's not fair," you cry, still clinging to him. "I'm so tired of watching the two of you go through girls and I'm left alone, watching. And when I entertain the thoughts of having either of you, I'm just hit with the reality that it's never going to happen. That if I'm with one of you, then our friendship is ruined and I'm not willing to risk that. But now, I'm faced with the reality that I can't have either of you."
"Why do you think you can't have us?" Jaemin softly asks.
"Because I'm afraid of what will happen if I do."
"What are you talking about?" Jeno asks, gently pushing you away from him and holding your face between his hands, forcing you to look at him. "Why would anything change?"
"Because relationships change things, Jeno." You feel yourself tearing up again. "What if you one of you get tired of me? What if you change your mind and realize that you don't actually love me? What if you stop wanting to hang out with me? Stop talking to me? What if..."
"Hey, hey," Jaemin interrupts you, grabbing your hand and squeezing it tightly. "Stop, okay? Just stop. We're not going anywhere, we're not going to change, and we're not going to stop wanting to be around you. And besides, none of those 'what ifs' are going to happen because we're not going to leave you. Ever. And we're certainly not going to stop loving you."
"But...I don't understand," you say, shaking your head.
"Let's take the rest of this trip to just… be together." Jeno says, rubbing the tears from your cheeks. "No decisions. No pressure."
You stare at him, not quite understanding what he's saying. "What are you suggesting?" you ask, wiping your eyes.
"Let's just enjoy the rest of the trip," he says. "Spend time together, have fun, and at the end of the trip, we'll sit down and talk. Just the three of us. Okay? And we'll figure this out."
You look over at Jaemin, and he gives you a reassuring smile and nods. "We don't have to decide anything now," he says. "Let's just...be together, like Jeno said."
You take a deep breath, letting it out slowly, and nod. "Okay," you say, giving a small smile. "I think I can do that."
Jaemin lets out a sigh of relief and Jeno wraps his arms around you, pulling you in for a hug. You return the hug, burying your face in his neck and letting yourself relax. You feel Jaemin's arms wrap around both of you and the three of you stand there, embracing each other.
As the week goes on, the three of you get back into the groove of things. You spend the days exploring, hiking, and sightseeing. You enjoy the fresh air and the beautiful scenery, and you even go canoeing on the lake nearby. Jeno and Jaemin keep the conversations light and playful, and the tension from the RV confession melts away.
But at night, when it's just the three of you in the bedroom, the air is charged. You can feel it in the way Jeno and Jaemin watch you, the way their eyes linger on your body, the way their touches last a bit longer. You feel yourself getting warmer every time they look at you, and you're pretty sure they can hear your heartbeat.
You try to ignore the tension, telling yourself that it's nothing, that it's just your imagination. But every night, when the lights go out, you can't help but wonder what would happen if you gave in. If you let yourself go, and just...let it happen. You lie awake, listening to the sound of Jeno and Jaemin breathing, and you think about what it would be like. What would it be like to have their hands on you, their mouths on you, their bodies pressed against yours? What would it be like to have both of them at the same time?
You toss and turn, unable to sleep, the thoughts racing through your head. You're frustrated, and the tension is building inside you, threatening to explode.
"Can't sleep, Y/N?" Jaemin whispers, rolling over onto his side, his head propped up on his elbow.
"No," you say, your voice soft. "I can't."
"Me neither," he says, his eyes locking onto yours.
You swallow hard, feeling your heart race, and your palms get sweaty. The tension is growing, and you're not sure if you can take it anymore. You feel yourself trembling, and your breath is coming out in short pants.
"Are you alright?" he asks, his brows knitting together in concern.
"No," you whisper, barely able to speak.
"What's wrong?" Jeno asks, rolling onto his side and mirroring Jaemin.
"I can't take this anymore," you say, your voice breaking. "The tension is killing me. I can't sleep, I can't think, I can't do anything. It's driving me crazy."
"What tension?" Jaemin asks, his voice low and husky.
"You know what I'm talking about," you say, looking between the two of them. "Don't pretend like you don't."
Jeno and Jaemin share a look, and a smile tugs at the corner of their lips. "So, what are you going to do about it?" Jeno asks, his voice dropping even lower.
"I...I don't know," you reply, your own voice faltering.
"Maybe," Jaemin starts, "you should do something about it."
You feel your cheeks getting hot and your heart rate quickening. "What?"
"Do something about it," he says, leaning in closer. "If the tension is driving you crazy, then do something about it."
Your eyes flicker between his eyes and his lips, and you feel yourself trembling. You're not sure if it's from the tension, or if it's from his closeness.
"Do something, Y/N," Jaemin repeats, his eyes darkening. "Before I do."
You swallow hard, your breath hitching in your throat.
"Go ahead," Jeno whispers, his eyes boring into yours. "Kiss him."
You hesitate, not sure if this is really happening. But before you can talk yourself out of it, you lean forward, closing the gap between you and Jaemin. His lips are soft and warm against yours, and his hand comes up to cup your cheek. He kisses you back, slowly at first, then more urgently. Your hands find their way into his hair, and you tug at the strands. He groans, and the sound sends shivers down your spine.
You break apart, breathing heavily, and stare at each other. Your heart is pounding, and your skin is on fire.
"Now kiss me," Jeno says, his voice low and commanding.
You turn towards him, and he cups your cheek, his thumb stroking your skin. He leans in, capturing your lips with his. His kiss is different than Jaemin's, but no less passionate. He's gentle, but demanding, and his tongue slides along yours. You feel your knees buckle, and you grasp onto him for support.
You pull back, panting, and look at both of them. Their eyes are dark, their pupils dilated, and their chests are rising and falling rapidly. You feel dizzy, and your mind is spinning. "What now?" you ask, your voice barely a whisper.
"Whatever you want, kitten," Jaemin says, his voice thick with desire.
"Whatever you want, princess," Jeno says, his gaze never leaving yours.
You shiver at their pet names, feeling a rush of heat pool in your belly. You don't know what to say but you definitely know what you want to do. Sitting up in bed, you pull your shirt over your head and throw it aside. You're not sure who moves first, but suddenly, you're back flat on your back and Jeno and Jaemin are hovering over you, their faces inches from yours.
"Are you sure about this, baby?" Jaemin whispers, his voice deep and husky.
"Yes," you reply, nodding vigorously.
"If at any point you want to stop, just say so," Jeno says. "Promise us."
"I promise," you say, smiling softly.
"Good girl," Jeno murmurs, before lowering his lips to yours.
Jaemin starts trailing kisses down your neck, while Jeno devours your lips. You moan as their hands explore your body, sending jolts of pleasure through you. You can feel Jaemin's hands tugging at the waistband of your shorts, and Jeno's fingers fumble with the clasp of your bra. The two of them make quick work of the rest of your clothes, tossing them aside without a care. Their eyes roam over your exposed body, their gazes hungry and predatory.
"You're so fucking beautiful, Y/N," Jeno mutters, his voice hoarse.
"Gorgeous," Jaemin agrees, his hands trailing along your sides.
You can feel your face heating up under their scrutiny, and you bite your lip nervously.
"Are you okay, baby?" Jaemin asks, his hand stilling.
"It's not fair if I'm the only one who's naked here," you reply, reaching out and tugging at his shirt.
Jaemin smiles and sits up, pulling his shirt off and tossing it aside. His bare chest is toned and muscular, and you can't help but admire the view. Jeno sits up as well, quickly stripping off his own shirt, and your eyes roam over his equally muscular body.
"Happy now?" Jeno asks, a smirk on his lips.
You nod, unable to form words. It's not like you never saw them shirtless before, but seeing them like this, doing this with you, it's a whole new experience.
Jaemin leans in and captures your lips, his tongue swiping across the seam of your mouth. You moan as his hands move to cup your breasts, his thumbs teasing your nipples. "God, your tits are perfect," he growls, his eyes darkening.
You gasp as his mouth moves to suck on your nipple, his teeth grazing the sensitive bud. Jeno's hand moves between your legs, his fingers dipping into your wetness.
"Fuck, you're so wet for us, princess," he groans, his eyes never leaving yours. He adds a second finger, stretching you, and you cry out as his thumb circles your clit. "You like that?"
"Yes," you pant, arching your back.
Jaemin switches to your other breast, lavishing it with attention, while Jeno's fingers continue their assault. The sensations are overwhelming, and you feel like you're about to burst.
"Jeno, Jaemin," you moan, their names falling from your lips. You watch as Jeno settles between your legs, his mouth inches from where his fingers are. You gasp as he presses a kiss to your inner thigh, his fingers still pumping in and out of you.
"Do you want me to eat your pussy, princess?" Jeno asks, his voice dripping with lust.
"Yes, please," you whimper, your hips bucking against his hand.
Jeno smiles and leans in, his tongue replacing his fingers. You cry out as his mouth latches onto your clit, sucking and licking. Jaemin kisses his way up your neck, his lips capturing yours once more. You tangle your fingers in his hair, kissing him back with fervor. His hand trails down your stomach, joining Jeno's between your legs.
Jeno licks a broad stripe up your slit before focusing on your clit, alternating between sucking and circling it with his tongue. Jaemin slips a finger inside you, then another, curling them up to hit that spot deep within you. "Does that feel good, baby?" he murmurs, nipping at your ear.
"Yes," you gasp, unable to form any other words.
"Tell us what you want, princess," Jeno says, pulling away and sitting back on his heels. His lips and chin are glistening with your juices.
"I want you both," you moan, looking between them.
"Both of us, huh?" Jeno teases, his eyes dancing.
"At the same time?" Jaemin whispers, his tongue flicking over your earlobe.
"Y-yes," you stammer, your breath hitching.
"Well, I can't say I'm surprised," Jeno chuckles, his fingers skimming down your spine.
"We've had the same thought," Jaemin murmurs, his lips tracing the curve of your jaw.
"You've...what?" You can barely form a coherent thought as their hands and mouths explore every inch of your body.
"Mm, we've talked about it," Jeno says, his voice husky. "About how we've both wanted you."
"And how we've wanted to share you," Jaemin adds, his lips brushing against yours.
"Share?" Your heart is pounding, and your brain is trying to process what they're saying.
"About how good you'd look, between the two of us," Jaemin whispers, his lips brushing against the shell of your ear.
"About how good it would feel," Jeno continues.
"About us fucking you," Jaemin says, his hand trailing down your stomach. "Having you cum around our cocks." Jaemin's hand continues lower, until his fingers are sliding through your slick folds. You moan as his thumb finds your clit, rubbing slow, lazy circles. "God, you're so wet for us, babe," he says, his lips curving into a wicked grin. "Were you this wet when Jeno went down on you?"
"She was," Jeno says, his hand reaching around to cup your breast. "She was practically dripping."
"You liked that, didn't you, baby?" Jaemin asks, his eyes fixed on yours.
"Y-yes," you stutter, biting back a moan as his fingers curl inside you.
"Did it feel good when he ate your pussy, baby?" Jaemin continues, his voice dropping lower.
"Y-yes," you repeat, unable to form any other words.
"Do you want me to eat your pussy, Y/N?" Jaemin whispers, his breath hot against your skin.
"God, yes," you moan, your hips bucking against his hand. Jaemin gives you a smirk, before kissing his way down your body.
Jeno leaves the bed momentarily, tugging off his pants and briefs before coming back. He settles near your head, cock in hand, stroking it slowly. "Suck my cock, princess," he says, his eyes dark and heavy-lidded.
You swallow hard and nod, opening your mouth and letting him slide his cock between your lips. He's so big and thick that you can barely take him, but you manage to take half of him into your mouth.
"Fuck, that's it, baby," he groans, his hands tangling in your hair.
Jaemin's mouth reaches your center and his tongue laps at your clit. You moan around Jeno's cock, the sensation overwhelming.
"Yeah, that's it, baby," Jeno says, his hips bucking forward, pushing his cock deeper into your mouth. "Just like that."
You bob your head up and down his length, your hand wrapping around the base. Jaemin's tongue continues its assault, licking and sucking at your sensitive nub. His fingers join in, pumping in and out of you, curling and hitting that sweet spot. You reach to grab at his hair, needing something to hold on to.
Your moans and whimpers are muffled by Jeno's cock, and he groans as the vibrations travel through him. "Fuck, you're so good at this, baby," he murmurs, his fingers tightening in your hair. "Your mouth feels so fucking good."
Jaemin's tongue flicks against your clit, faster and harder, and his fingers pump into you faster. Your moans grow louder, and your hips buck against his mouth.
"Are you gonna cum, princess?" Jeno asks, his cock continuing its assault on your mouth.
"Yeah, baby, are you gonna cum on my tongue?" Jaemin growls, his mouth never leaving your center.
"Mmhm," you moan, unable to form actual words.
"Then cum for us, Y/N," Jeno murmurs, his hips thrusting harder. "Cum for us."
With his words, you fall apart, crying out as your orgasm washes over you. Jaemin keeps licking and sucking, drawing out the pleasure. You shudder and whimper, your body twitching. Jeno pulls out of your mouth, giving you a moment to breathe. He's hard and throbbing, pre-cum leaking from the tip. You look up at him, knowing that he wants to cum, too.
"Can I have it?" you ask, your voice raspy.
"Have what, princess?" he replies, a smirk tugging at his lips.
"Your cum," you reply, blushing.
"Fuck," he groans, his hand tightening around his cock. "Oh, you'll have my cum when I'm balls deep inside you, princess."
Jaemin climbs off the bed, Jeno moving into his place. Jaemin is taking the rest of his clothes off, while Jeno lines up his cock with your entrance.
"Jeno, please," you whine, needing him to fill you.
"Please what, princess?" he teases, running the tip of his cock through your wetness.
"Please fuck me," you say, grinding your hips against his.
"Since you asked so nicely," he murmurs, his hands gripping your thighs.
You gasp as his cock slides into you, filling you to the hilt. He pauses, letting you adjust to his size, before beginning to thrust. His movements are slow and steady, but soon he's slamming into you, making the bed creak.
Jaemin stands at the side of the bed, watching the two of you. His hand is wrapped around his cock, stroking himself in time with Jeno's thrusts. "God, that's so fucking hot," he growls, his eyes locked on where Jeno's cock is sliding in and out of you.
"Mmm, it feels so good, Jaemin," you moan.
You're eyeing his cock, and he notices. "What is it, baby? Do you want my cock, too?"
"Y-yes," you whimper, "Want you to fuck my mouth."
"Jesus, Y/N," Jaemin mutters, his hand tightening around his shaft. "Keep talking like that and you'll get anything you want."
"Please," you moan, Jeno withdrawing temporarily to reposition you on all fours. He slides into you again, and Jaemin positions himself in front of you.
"Open wide, baby," Jaemin says, his eyes dark and hungry. "Let me fuck that pretty little mouth."
You open your mouth, letting him slide his cock in between your lips. He's big, too, and you struggle to take him. He doesn't push, though, allowing you to set the pace. You start bobbing your head up and down his length, moaning around him.
"Fuck, your mouth feels so good," he groans, his fingers tangling in your hair.
Jeno's thrusts become harder, his hips slapping against yours. The sounds of skin slapping skin and the three of you moaning fill the room. "So fucking tight, princess," Jeno grunts, his hands gripping your hips.
You try to moan, but the sound is muffled by Jaemin's cock in your mouth. Your eyes roll back as Jeno hits a particularly good spot, his cock brushing against your G-spot. "Yeah, you like that, baby?" he murmurs, one of his hands coming down to spank your ass.
"Mmhm," you whimper, trying to speak with Jaemin's cock still in your mouth.
"Good girl," he says, his fingers digging into your skin. "Such a good girl."
Jeno's thrusts grow faster, his hips slapping against yours. Your bodies move together in perfect rhythm, each of you chasing your own pleasure.
Jaemin's hand tightens in your hair, his hips thrusting into your mouth. He groans as his cock hits the back of your throat, and his movements become more erratic. "Can't wait to cum down your pretty throat, baby," he growls.
The sensation of having them both is almost too much, and you feel your second orgasm building. You moan around Jaemin's cock, the vibrations sending a shiver through him.
"Yeah, that's it, baby," Jeno says, his voice low and husky. "I'm so fucking close."
His hips snap against yours, his cock hitting that sweet spot inside you. You cry out, the pleasure overwhelming, and your orgasm rips through you. Your body convulses, your muscles contracting, and your eyes roll back in your head.
"Fuck, that's it," Jaemin groans, his thrusts growing more frantic. "Cum on Jeno's cock, baby."
Your walls clench around Jeno's cock, the pressure becoming too much for him. He thrusts once, twice, then buries himself inside you, spilling his seed. "Fuck, I'm cumming," he moans, his cock pulsing.
Jaemin's thrusts grow harder, his cock sliding deeper down your throat. You gag around him, the sensation sending him over the edge. He grunts as his cock twitches, cum shooting down your throat. "Fucking swallow it all, baby," he groans, his grip on your hair tightening.
You do, your cheeks hollowing as you suck him dry. He finally pulls out, his cock slipping from between your lips.
Jeno slowly withdraws from you, his spent cock sliding out. You collapse onto the bed, exhausted, but Jaemin grabs your hips, pulling you atop him. "We're not done yet, baby," he growls, lining up his cock with your entrance. "Now it's my turn."
"O-oh," you gasp, as he thrusts into you. You're still filled to the brim with Jeno's cum but he doesn't seem to mind.
"The thought of another man's cum dripping out of your pussy turns me on," he mutters, his hips slamming into yours. "It makes it even better knowing that it's Jeno's cum."
"Fuck, Jaemin," you moan, his cock hitting a spot deep inside you.
He chuckles, his fingers digging into your hips. "I can't believe how lucky we are, Jeno."
"Hmm, yes. Look at her, she's so fucking beautiful like this," Jeno murmurs, his eyes roaming over your body before finally settling on your ass.
Jaemin reaches around to smack it, the sting making you cry out. "That's it, baby. You like that, don't you?"
"Yes," you moan, unable to form any other words.
"Has anyone else touched you here?" Jeno asks, his voice dark and heavy as he palms your ass. "Have you played with yourself back here?"
You could only nod, and the boys' eyes flashed.
"Tell us, kitten," Jaemin rasped, his fingers tightening in your hair. "Tell us about the last time you played with yourself."
You felt yourself blush, but there was no going back now. "I... I've used my fingers," you whispered, averting your eyes. "A butt plug once, too."
"Fuck, that's hot," Jeno growled, his hand reaching out to caress your ass.
"Did you think about us when you did it?" Jaemin asked, his fingers tracing along the curve of your jaw as he thrust up into you.
"Y-yes," you admitted, the blush on your face deepening.
"Did you fantasize about us taking turns fucking your tight little ass?" Jeno murmured, his lips trailing along your shoulder.
"Oh God," you moaned, the idea sending a fresh wave of arousal through you.
"I can tell you like the sound of that," Jaemin said, a smirk on his lips. "Maybe Jeno and I can give you a little taste right now, hmm?"
"Wh-what?" you stuttered, your eyes widening.
"Oh, yeah. I think you'd like that, kitten," he growled, his hands gripping your hips tightly.
"You'd love having both of our cocks inside you at the same time, wouldn't you, princess?" Jeno's lips were right next to your ear, his breath warm on your skin.
"Oh, fuck," you whimpered, the image making your heart pound.
"Do you want that, baby?" Jaemin asked, his hips slowing their thrusts. "Do you want us both to fuck you at the same time?"
You could only nod, not trusting your voice.
"Tell us," Jeno growled, his finger pressing against the puckered entrance of your ass.
"Y-yes," you finally whispered. "Please Jeno. Fuck my ass."
"Good girl," Jaemin murmured, his lips brushing against yours.
You moan as he captures your lips in a heated kiss, his tongue swiping across the seam. You don't know where the lube came from, but suddenly you feel the slickness of it against your skin. You can feel Jeno's fingers circling your ass, slowly pushing inside. The sensation is strange, but not unwelcome.
"Oh, fuck," you whimper, as his fingers pump in and out of your ass.
"Are you ready, princess?" he asks, his voice low and husky.
"Yes," you reply, barely a whisper.
"Good girl," he growls, slowly pressing the tip of his cock against your ass. You gasp as the head slips in, stretching you.
"Breathe, kitten," Jaemin soothes, his fingers lightly stroking your cheek. "Just relax."
Jeno takes it slow, giving you time to adjust. His cock is big, and you feel the stretch and burn as he slowly pushes inside. The feeling is different from using a butt plug—this is real, and it's happening, and it's Jeno.
"Fuck, that's tight," Jeno grunts, his fingers digging into your hips. "You alright, princess?"
"Yes," you whimper, your body trembling. "Jeno, move."
He obliges, slowly rocking his hips. The feeling is strange, but not unpleasant. He moves at an excruciatingly slow pace, letting you adjust to the sensation.
Jaemin's fingers trail down your spine, his touch soothing. "You're doing so well, kitten," he murmurs, his eyes raking over your body.
"Feels...different," you manage to say, the sensations overwhelming. "Feels good."
"I'm glad, baby," he whispers, leaning in to kiss you. His tongue dances with yours, his hands skimming over your skin.
Jeno's movements are slow and steady, but each stroke is deep and intense. "You're doing so good for us, princess," he groans, his fingers gripping your hips tighter. "Taking our cocks so well."
Jaemin's thrusts are slower than usual, matching the rhythm of Jeno's. The sensation of being filled is almost overwhelming, but it's the connection to both of them—being surrounded and surrounded at the same time—that sends an unexpected jolt of pleasure through you.
"Oh, God," you cry out, feeling the coil in your belly start to wind up tighter. "Jeno, Jaemin, I-"
"Don't hold back, kitten," Jaemin orders. "We want to hear you when you cum."
Their words send you spiraling, and you're swept away. You moan, their names falling from your lips as you find your release. Your walls clench around Jaemin's cock, his hips pistoning in and out of you faster as he chases his own high. His nails dig into the skin of your hips, and he moans loudly, painting your walls white.
"Fuuuckkk, kitten," Jaemin groans.
Jeno continues to roll his hips, driving into you. His cock has you stretched to your limit. "Come on, princess," he rasps, "Be a good little girl for us and cum again."
It's like a switch is flipped; your toes are tingling, your eyes are rolling back into your head and the orgasm just hits you like a freight train. It feels like you're cumming in slow motion, every muscle in your body seizing and twitching in time to your contracting walls around both of them.
"Tha-- That's my girl," Jeno grunts above you. "Fuck... gonna fill you up, princess."
Your ass is aching from the relentless, rough pounding, but Jeno's cum spurting inside and Jaemin's own warmth splashing against your cervix trigger a third climax, drawing out an extended whine.
Your senses slowly return and the only things registering are the men's ragged panting, your own throbbing sex, and the warm wet stickiness spreading everywhere. "I think I'm gonna pass out," you mumble against Jaemin's sweaty neck.
Jeno pulls out, rolling onto his back on the bed beside Jaemin, breathing heavily. "I'm gonna need a minute or two to recover myself..."
"Me too, kitten. Give a guy a bit to cool down first," Jaemin's eyes were closed, his hand idly tracing lazy circles over your lower back. "Then we'll clean up and then maybe we can sleep."
"Sounds like a plan," you say, the heaviness in your eyes starting to take over.
"No sleeping just yet, princess," Jeno says, chuckling and lazily patting you on the behind. "Come on. I'm sure we can all use the shower before anything else."
As you stand, you wince. "You guys really did a number on me back there," you say with a sigh, shooting Jeno and Jaemin a look.
"Awe, don't worry, kitten," Jaemin wraps an arm around your shoulders and gives you a quick peck on your cheek. "We'll make sure you're good as new by tomorrow."
After washing, you curl up in bed with them—all three bodies tangled together, seeking comfort in closeness, exhaustion slowly overtaking your limbs.
The rest of the trip is spent in blissful exploration. You, Jeno, and Jaemin are completely insatiable, and there isn't a surface, position, or toy that isn't claimed by the end of the trip. Hell, you even had sex with them sprawled under a tree once, just because they wanted to do something new and different.
As the last day of the trip arrives, you made your choice.
You're lying in bed with them, curled between their warm, solid bodies, when the thought occurs to you: What if you don't have to choose? What if you can have it all?
"What are you thinking about, princess?" Jeno asks, his hand trailing along your arm.
"Just... everything," you reply, smiling softly.
"It's been a wild week," Jaemin says, pressing a kiss to your forehead.
"We've learned a lot about ourselves," Jeno says, his thumb stroking your cheek.
"And each other," Jaemin adds, his hand resting on your hip.
"And what are you learning?" Jeno asks, his dark gaze meeting yours.
"That I love you," you say, your eyes darting between the two of them. "Both of you. And I want the three of us to be together. Like a throuple."
Jeno and Jaemin exchange looks, their expressions unreadable. You begin to panic, thinking maybe they've changed their minds, but then they're both laughing.
"We're laughing because we had the same idea," Jeno says, smiling.
"It's crazy," Jaemin says, shaking his head. "But the way we've been these past few days...it feels right."
You sit up in bed, looking at both of them. "Really?"
"Really," Jeno and Jaemin reply, in unison.
"So we're going to try this? The three of us, together?" you ask, tentatively.
"If that's what you want, baby," Jaemin says, smiling.
"We just want you to be happy, Y/N," Jeno says, taking your hand in his.
"I think I'll be very happy," you reply, a grin spreading across your face. You snuggle against Jaemin, your hands trailing down his toned chest, and pull Jeno in close, his arm wrapped around you. "In fact, I think I'm already there."
"Good," Jeno whispers, kissing the nape of your neck.
"We love you, baby," Jaemin says, pulling the three of you down onto the bed.
"I love you, too," you murmur, smiling.
As the sun sets, casting the sky in vibrant shades of red and gold, you lie there in the arms of the men you love, feeling truly happy and at peace.
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warnings: pg, fluff, slight angst about a hidden relationship, mentions of hiding a relationship, navigating a relationship where both are famous, military enlistment
word count: 3052 words
summary: you miss your idol boyfriend while he's in the military. you miss him especially during valentine's day, which also happens to be his birthday.
a/n: not beta read, sorry! happy birthday jaehyun! i miss you endlessly, i cannot wait until you're back. this is also dedicated to @gyuswhore who to me is THEE valentine, i hope you enjoy em! anyways sorry for my lack in posting life has been... A LOT but i have other stuff on the way trust <3 reblogs are much appreciated ♡
Idol life is hard.
The grueling practices, the juggling of multiple schedules, the little sleep you get when you're overseas for a tour.
Idol life as a foreigner is even harder.
The constant switching between your mother tongue and the Korean that's been drilled into you from your trainee days makes your brain feel heavy. The many nights spent trying to catch your family before they head to bed. The stuttering feeling that creeps in every time you're at a work event and it takes your brain a minute to decipher what everyone else is saying.
Somehow dating Jeong Jaehyun came easy. It felt like breathing most days. Of course the hiding and not being able to love out loud was no cake walk, but that didn't matter. The mismatched schedules made seeing each other a bit more difficult, but even that didn't matter.
What the two of you had was yours and yours only.
You came home, tired as all hell, to each other.
The two of you met when you were a host for Music Bank and he had been promoting with NCT 127 for their song, 2 Baddies. You'd cursed at him in your mother tongue when you slipped on a drink he'd accidentally spilled. The mess he made effectively ruining your pants as you were five minutes away from being on stage. Instead of being scared off by your cursing, he just laughed and offered to replace his jeans with yours. You had looked at him incredulously for the offer and he replied that he had no use for the jeans since he'd wrapped filming already. Johnny, who had seen the whole thing go down, said that the rest was history was at that point.
And he was right.
Later that day, Jaehyun actually stayed until after you were done filming the show to ask for your number. Over that year, texting turned into flirting in the halls when schedules allowed. Flirting turned into one date. One date turned to many. Secret meetups at the Han River under masks and the night sky. Until the two of you couldn't take it anymore and came clean to your members. Your girls couldn't be happier and his members took you in like you were their own. Management was painfully cautious, but eventually supported the two of you.
After surviving your first year together, the two of you decided to move in together. Every once in a while fans of yours or his would speculate about the similarities of the backgrounds whenever either of you were doing a livestream. This prodded the two of you to be more careful and eventually you two decided that streams would no longer happen at the apartment you shared.
Your members asked if keeping the secret ever got to be too much and you indulged that sometimes the secrecy actually made it more fun. It was a game where you and Jaehyun were the only players and again, it was something that yours and yours alone.
The beginning of your second year together was marked by his military enlistment. You'd known it was coming but that didn't make seeing the notice hurt any less. If you were being completely honest, you were scared. Jaehyun had become your rock, the thing that kept you tethered when the pressures of idol life were threatening to pull you under. You knew your members could relate to the anxiety you felt, but there was a different comfort that Jaehyun brought to you.
The day it came out, he'd begged the others to end practice early so that he could come home and console you. When he swung your door open, the sight of you teary eyed and pouty-faced made him chuckle. His deep giggles simultaneously comforting you and annoying you.
"It's not funny Jae! What am I supposed to do while you're gone?"
He cooed at you and smoothed your hair over as you cried in his arms.
"You work jagiya. You literally have a tour scheduled right after I leave." You softly hit his chest to which he responds with a hum, the vibration of it ringing through his chest. He assured you that his time away would pass by like nothing. You knew he was right but the sting of him leaving was still etched into your heart. He wiped your tears with his thumb and the two of you fell asleep that night in each other's embrace.
You wished with every bone in your body that you could've spent more time with Jaehyun before he went in. But idol life called, and there was an overseas tour waiting for you. The days leading up to his enlistment, you spent holed up at your company. If you weren't in dance rehearsals, you were in the studio recording backing vocals. If you weren't shooting promotional videos, then you were in fittings for your tour outfits. By the time you would come home, it would be late and your body would be on the brink of falling apart. But Jaehyun didn't mind, he never did. He knew exactly what this life was like and you couldn't be more grateful for that fact. Every time you came home, he'd greet you at the door, the biggest smile on his face. Another thing he'd have ready is a steaming cup of your favorite tea, knowing how much it brought you comfort.
On particularly frustrating rehearsal days, he'd let you ramble in your native tongue. Never expecting you to slow down, even if he could not understand a single word that sped out your mouth. He knew how tough rehearsals could get, he lives the same life, he pieced together what it is was you were frustrated by. Endearingly, he'd pick out words that he thought sounded interesting and have you teach him instead. You always obliged, finding the ask incredibly sweet. Not once in your relationship have you ever had to feel like your language was something that you couldn't share with him.
The day he shaved his head he didn't even give you a warning. Just a selfie with your favorite goofy smile. When he came home, you spent a few minutes mourning his blonde locks. Giggling as you chased him around the living room fake crying over his head that honestly reminded you of a golden kiwi.
The day before he left, you two planned to spend the entirety of it together. Jaehyun went the extra mile (like he always did) and filled your apartment with an overwhelming amount of bouquets of your favorite flowers, the sweet smell of them hitting your nose when you woke up that morning. You disguised yourselves to walk along the Han River, reminiscing about your secret meetings under the moonlight. Laughing about how the first kiss you shared only happened because you had burnt your lip on the ramen you had been sharing. It hadn't snowed in Seoul yet, but the air was cold enough that the laughs you shared after the kiss could be seen against the night sky.
The morning he went in, you were the first to say goodbye. The two of you came to the conclusion that it was probably best if you weren't at the training center, for fear that you being there might cause speculation. The cruel timing of your idol obligations made it so that you were promoting your newest single off the new album that you'd be touring with. So even if you could have been there, it would have been physically impossible. You look at him wistfully and with tears in your eyes when the guys come around yours to pick him up. With a final wave the two of you said goodbye and you went about your day. You were still an idol after all.
That was November of 2024.
Time passed quickly. Jaehyun was right, (of course he was) time flew by. Of course it didn't come without its moments of terribly missing him. Your tour was an absolute success and you even got to see your family while you were overseas. Every once in a while, the two of you would be able to make your schedules match and you'd be able to spend some time together.
But that time together never felt enough.
You don't know what it was that was different, but you found yourself getting sadder every time the two of you said goodbye. There was a sadness that you hadn't been able to pinpoint. And as the time away was drawing to a close you found yourself getting restless.
It was now February of 2026 and Jaehyun was a little over two months away from being home.
More specifically it was February 14. Valentine's day. His birthday.
You woke up that morning to your bedroom being filled with balloons of different hues of pink and red. When you stepped out into the living room there were even more balloons but it was also filled with what looked like a billion roses. You hurriedly find your phone to greet your lover and thank him for the flowers.
Admittedly, you weren't too excited about the day. Jaehyun had shared earlier in the month that he had military obligations so he wouldn't be able to come home for the weekend. You expressed your disappointment with an understanding smile. Of course you understood, who were you to ask him to defy the Korean military?
Only one of the bouquets had a card in it. Shoving some of the balloons out of the way, you gingerly pick up the card and open it.
Will you be my Valentine? xx J.
There a smile making its way across your face and without a second thought you're making a video call to him. You place the card on the kitchen counter as you wait for him to answer. After a few rings, the face of your handsome boyfriend appears. You quickly shoot out an apology, acknowledging that you knew he was supposed to be at work. The smile of adoration on his face let you know that he was at the very least happy to see you. Letting you know that he had a bit of time, you gush about how much you loved the gesture.
"You didn't have to get me a billion roses you know. Would've been happy even a single rose," you jokingly tease him. He returns a dimpled smile and teases back that he would have bought you more if there was space. You roll your eyes and start humming the lyric to Unconditional. The two of you share a chuckle, both probably reminiscing about the chaos that came from his release of the song. You distinctly remember being up well past midnight laughing as the two of you dived into endless Twitter threads dissecting the song.
Your recollecting is cut short when you hear a group of people calling Jaehyun's name. He turns around and yells something back at them. When he returns to face you, there's an apologetic look on his face. One that says, "I don't want to leave, but I have to."
"Duty calls," you say wistfully, giving him a nod. You try and give him a smile that reads as understanding. You quickly wish him a Happy Birthday and tell him you love him. Blowing you a kiss, he thanks you and ends the call with,
"I'll see you soon. I love you."
Giving him one last wave, you end the call and the rim of your eyes start to get wet. You sigh and let out a breath, the room becomes a blurry mess of red and pinks.
The rest of the day goes by in a bit of a blur. A meeting with your manager about an upcoming brand deal. A quick live with one of your members to promote the sub-unit that was just announced. Later in the day you attended a concert of your sunbaes, S.Coups and Mingyu, with your members. You'd been a Carat before you were a trainee and you found yourself lucky enough to have gotten close with the maknae line. You'd also met Mingyu a few times through Jaehyun since the two were part of the infamous 97 line. Through them you met the rest of the group, which is how you found yourself in the back of the concert hall for their Busan concert.
After the concert you were completely ready for the day to be over. You walk into your apartment and the sight of the roses and balloons reminds you of the melancholy feeling that had been hanging around your head all day. After hanging your purse inside the closet hallway, you plop yourself on the couch. The exhaustion of your unexpectedly busy day hitting you hard as you sink in. You shoot a quick text to Jaehyun asking if he was available to call one more time before the day ended. While passing the time to wait for his reply, you scroll through Weverse and reply back to some fans. A bit of time goes by and he hasn't replied yet. Glancing at the time, you reason that he may have already gone to sleep. You continue answering your fans, more of them posting when they noticed that you were online, many of them asking to do another live. Mulling over the thought, you reply back that you'll do an audio only live. Bouncing to your bedroom, you grab the tablet's that's been charging so you can set up the stream.
You start the stream and immediately the comments flood in asking you if you could turn your camera on. Teasing them and calling them selfish, you deflect the question by greeting everyone a Happy Valentine's Day. Scrolling through the chat, you find comments asking about sub-unit spoilers, a TMI, some of them even asking about love advice. Answering the questions here and there, you don't even notice that another hour has passed.
In the midst of the stream, a knock on your door startles you. You weren't expecting anyone, especially not this late at night, so you brush off the noise. But then the knock happens again. You sit up straight and check your phone to make sure that you hadn't missed a notification from your manager. Luckily your fans can't really hear much of what is going on. You send off a rattle of texts to your manager and your group members, asking if any of them were here or were dropping something off. Your members reply that they were all home from the concert. Your manager texts back that she isn't at your door, but that you'd want to open your door. A bit suspect of the text, you tell your fans that you'd run to get some water. Before you leave the living room, you turn up the music that had been playing on your phone just in case.
When you open the door, you don't know who or what to expect. You certainly don't expect to see your idol/military boyfriend standing in front of you with a bouquet of deep red roses. Fighting the urge to squeal on the off chance that its louder than the music, your jaw just drops open. Jaehyun opens his arms and your body moves before your mind does. Pulling him into a hug, you walk the two of you back into your apartment. When you pull away, there's a smile on his face. You look at him in shock, the obvious question is being asked in your eyes. You feel like you could be hallucinating this right now.
"You di-" The deep and loud baritone of his voice brings you back to reality. You clap your hand over his mouth and jerk your head toward the coffee table in the living room. He follows the direction of your head and immediately understands, you feel him trying to fight the giggles under your hand. Scurrying over to the tablet, you quickly tell your fans that you actually have to go. Most of them reply with nothing but question marks. There's a few comments that ask if someone else was with you. Quickly ending the live, you exit the app and turn the tablet off to ensure that nothing can accidentally get recorded. Putting the tablet back on the table, you turn back to Jaehyun, who you still can't believe is right in front of you. He's staring at you with the biggest smile on his face and you swoon at the sight. The exhaustion of the day melting off you when you run back into his embrace. He picks you up and spins you around, the two of you fighting for oxygen as your lips crash together. The sparks between the two of you blossoming into a full-on firework show. He gently lets you down and when you finally pull away, both of your chests are heaving.
"Jae… What are you doing here? I thought you were-"
"You never answered my question," he says very nonchalantly. Your eyebrows knit up in confusion and ask him what question, but he doesn't immediately supply you with an answer. Instead he walks over to the kitchen counter and picks up the card and waves it at you. Picking up the bouquet he was holding earlier, he walks back to you. You think about your video call from earlier and the gears in your head spin. When he had said I'll see you soon, you thought nothing of it. You'd moved on because the two of you always ended calls like that, never goodbye. The two of you decided that saying that would maybe help when contact between you would be minimal.
Love glimmered in his eyes as he calls you "darling" in your first language. When he reaches you, he presents the roses to you and takes hold of your hand.
"Will you be my Valentine?" He asks with the biggest smile. You feel the turners of your mouth turn up, as you nod and kiss him in response. He pulls away, smile even bigger than before. He plants three kisses on your face; once on each cheek and on the tip of your nose. He utters a word between each kiss.
im baaaaaack!!!! like... officially this time though lol. I missed writing so much and I miss writing spider mark the most if I'm being completely honest. this is just a quick little one shot I worked on a while ago that I felt didn't make the cut but after going all of my spider mark stories, it felt like a good way to slowly come back to tumblr. I'm excited to share what I have for you all and once again, I hope you all enjoy (: happy reading!
I find out about the hideout because Jaemin will not stop smiling.
It’s not even a loud smile. It’s the quiet, satisfied kind, like he already knows how this ends and is enjoying my confusion as a warm up. Jeno keeps checking his phone like he’s counting down to something. Haechan is bouncing on the balls of his feet, which is never a good sign.
YN notices immediately.
“Why do you all look like you’re about to do something illegal,” she asks, stabbing a fry with her fork.
“Define illegal,” Haechan says.
“I refuse,” she replies.
I swallow. “Guys. Please.”
Jaemin claps once. “Field trip.”
“Where,” I ask.
“Somewhere safe,” Jeno says.
“Somewhere secret,” Haechan adds.
YN narrows her eyes at me. “You didn’t agree to this without me, right?”
“I don’t even know what this is yet,” I say.
“That’s worse.”
After school, we head to a building that looks abandoned, but not in a horror movie way. More like the city collectively forgot it existed. Boarded windows. Peeling paint. A sign that says CLOSED TEMPORARILY that has clearly been lying for years.
Haechan knocks three times. Pauses. Knocks twice more.
The door unlocks.
YN stares. “You practiced that.”
“Yes,” Jaemin says proudly.
Inside, the lights flick on in sections. Concrete floors. Wide open space. A half loft above us. Hooks along the beams. A workbench neatly organized. A whiteboard against the wall.
Jeno nods. “We figured if you’re doing this, you shouldn’t be doing it without backup.”
Haechan gestures around. “First aid. Tools. Snacks. Emotional support couch.”
I stare at the whiteboard like it might start talking back.
“This is… a lot.”
Jaemin grins. “You’re welcome.”
YN steps closer to the workbench, eyes sharp. “Okay. This is impressive.”
I relax a fraction.
Then Jeno clears his throat. “There is… one rule.”
YN turns slowly. “I don’t like how you said that.”
Jeno points to the board. RULE #3: YN DOES NOT COME HERE.
The silence is immediate and deadly.
“What,” she says flatly.
Haechan rushes in. “For safety. Not exclusion. Very different vibes.”
She crosses her arms. “You built him a superhero clubhouse and decided I’m not allowed inside.”
Jaemin winces. “When you phrase it like that, it sounds bad.”
“It is bad.”
I step forward. “Okay, listen—”
She looks at me. “You agree with them.”
I hesitate.
She scoffs. “Wow.”
“I’m not saying never,” I say quickly. “I’m saying not right now.”
“Why?”
“Because this is dangerous.”
“So is crossing the street.”
“That’s not—”
“Mark,” she interrupts. “You don’t get to protect me by deciding things for me.”
The room goes quiet.
She steps closer, voice steady, eyes locked on mine. “I’m not asking to go on patrol. I’m not asking to fight. I’m asking to not be shut out.”
I open my mouth. Close it.
Haechan whispers, “She’s winning.”
Jaemin nods solemnly.
Jeno shifts uncomfortably. “We just don’t want you hurt.”
“And I don’t want him carrying this alone,” she says, not breaking eye contact. That lands.
She gestures around the room. “This place is smart. It’s thoughtful. It’s careful. And you all built it because you care about him," her voice softens. “So do I.”
I rub my face. “You’re not wrong.”
She raises an eyebrow. “I know.”
I exhale. “Okay. Compromise.”
Everyone perks up.
“You don’t come here yet,” I say. “But eventually. When we’re sure. When there are rules. And training. And an exit plan.”
Haechan gasps. “Training arc.”
YN tilts her head. “Eventually?”
I nod. “Eventually.”
She studies me for a long moment.
Then she smiles, slow and victorious. “Deal.”
She points at the whiteboard. “But I get to add rules.”
Jaemin groans. “We made a monster.”
She grabs a marker and writes:
RULE #4: MARK EATS BEFORE HEROICS
RULE #5: NO LYING BY OMISSION
RULE #6: EMOTIONAL CHECK-INS ARE MANDATORY
I swallow. “That feels targeted.”
She grins. “It is.”
Later, when we’re all sprawled across the couches, Haechan testing the mini fridge and Jeno reorganizing for the third time, YN sits beside me.
“So,” she says quietly. “Eventually.”
“Eventually,” I agree.
She bumps her shoulder into mine. “I’m not trying to be reckless.”
“I know,” I say. “You’re just… brave.”
She smiles at that.
I glance around the room again. My friends. The hideout. The rules written in her handwriting.
I lean closer and whisper, “You realize if you join, you’re technically my boss.”
She snorts. “I already am.”
Jaemin looks over. “What was that.”
“Nothing,” I say quickly.
YN smirks.
After about an hour of endless conversation, the rule board becomes a living document.
I don’t know how it happened. One second it’s just a whiteboard with a few bullet points, and the next, Jaemin has uncapped three different colored markers and declared himself “a visual thinker,” Haechan has sat cross legged on the floor with a notebook he absolutely did not bring for school purposes, and Jeno is pulling up satellite maps on his phone like he’s planning a small, well organized rebellion.
YN stands back for a moment, arms crossed, watching.
“This,” she says finally, “is either going to save your life or get you all arrested.”
“Both can be true,” Haechan replies cheerfully.
Jaemin adds a new section to the board: EXIT PLANS.
“Plural,” he emphasizes. “Always plural.”
I sit on the edge of the workbench, hoodie pushed up my arms, feeling oddly… official. Like I should’ve gotten a welcome packet or a badge or something.
“You don’t need this much planning,” I say, even as I lean forward to look.
Jeno glances up. “You absolutely do.”
YN nods. “He does.”
Traitors. All of them.
Jeno projects a map of the city onto the far wall using a borrowed mini projector that I do not ask about. Streets glow faintly. Districts outlined. High rise clusters circled.
“Okay,” he says, laser focused. “Primary patrol zones stay within a three mile radius. No deep dives yet.”
“Deep dives sound cool though,” Haechan says.
“No deep dives,” YN repeats.
Jaemin writes it down immediately.
I squint at the map. “Why that area?”
“Visibility,” Jeno says. “Crowds mean witnesses. Witnesses mean less escalation.”
YN steps closer, studying the map. “And escape routes.”
Jaemin brightens. “Oh. Yes. Those.”
He flips to a new page in his notebook. “Okay, hypothetically. If Mark is being chased.”
Jaemin continues, unfazed. “You need vertical exits, ground exits, and last resort exits.”
“What’s a last resort exit?”
YN answers calmly. “Hospitals.”
The room goes quiet for half a second.
Then Jeno nods. “Exactly.”
He pulls up another map. This one dotted with red crosses.
“Level One injuries,” he says. “Urgent care. Level Two, ER. Level Three—”
“Trauma centers,” YN finishes.
I look at her. “You've thought about this.”
She meets my eyes. “I always think about this.”
That lands heavier than anything else today.
Haechan clears his throat. “Okay but on a lighter note, I brought granola bars.”
Jaemin claps. “See. Balance.”
Training starts awkwardly.
Which makes sense, because I’m trying to explain my powers without sounding like I’m pitching a very niche superhero movie.
“Okay,” I say, standing beneath one of the ceiling beams. “So. Web shooters are wrist mounted. Range depends on anchor point integrity.”
Haechan immediately raises his hand. “Can I try.”
“No.”
“Please.”
“No.”
YN tilts her head. “Let him see the mechanics.”
I look betrayed. “You’re on my side.”
“I’m on the ‘no secrets’ side.”
I sigh and demonstrate instead, firing a single web upward. It sticks cleanly.
Jaemin stares. “Every time, it’s still insane.”
Jeno watches carefully. “Angle matters.”
“Yes,” I say. “Angle always matters.”
YN steps closer, craning her neck to watch the webbing retract.
“So training,” she says. “Is not about pushing limits yet. It’s about control.”
“You’re… very good at this.”
She shrugs. “I like plans.”
Haechan flops onto a mat. “I like vibes.”
Jaemin writes that down.
RULE #7: NO VIBES-ONLY DECISIONS
Haechan groans. “Dictatorship.”
By the time the sun starts dipping through the high windows, the hideout feels lived in.
Maps taped to walls. Arrows scribbled in pencil. A stack of printed hospital info packets. A list titled THINGS MARK FORGETS WHEN STRESSED that is longer than I’m comfortable with.
YN sits on the floor cross legged, highlighting something, humming quietly.
I drop down beside her. “You’re really serious about this.”
She glances up. “So are you. You just hide it behind jokes.”
“That’s unfair,” I say.
She smiles. “It’s the truth.”
I watch my friends across the room. Jeno carefully labeling a supply bin. Jaemin debating color coding systems. Haechan testing the couch for maximum nap potential.
“This isn’t permanent,” I say quietly.
“I know,” she replies. “But first days matter.”
I nod.
She bumps her shoulder into mine. “And when I do officially join.”
“When,” I repeat.
She grins. “I’m bringing my own binder.”
I laugh, “Of course you are.”
Jaemin looks over suddenly. “Team meeting.”
We all groan but gather anyway.
He gestures around. “Nothing is final. This is Day One. But today? We proved something.”
Haechan raises his hand. “That we’re cool.”
“That we’re careful,” Jeno corrects.
“That we’re not alone,” YN adds.
They all look at me.
I swallow, then smile. “Yeah. That.”
For the first time since all of this started, the weight feels… shared.
Not gone. Just carried better.
By the time roles come up, the room feels warmer.
Not from the lights. From time. From ownership. From the way maps have started curling at the edges because they’ve been handled too much. From the rule board now full enough that Jaemin has drawn an arrow that says CONTINUED ON NEXT BOARD.
Everyone’s sitting in a loose circle. Floor. Couch. Workbench. No one’s standing like they’re in charge.
Which makes it easier to say the hard part.
“So,” Jaemin says carefully. “Roles.”
Haechan perks up. “I want something cool.”
Jeno doesn’t look up from his notes. “You want something useful.”
“I can be both.”
YN shifts beside me. “This isn’t about titles.”
Jaemin nods. “It’s about coverage.”
All eyes drift to me and I straighten a little. “Okay.”
The word lands heavier than I expect.
Jeno clears his throat. “Logistics makes sense for me. Maps. Supplies. Timelines.” No one argues.
Haechan raises a finger. “Comms. I’m fast. I notice patterns. I can talk.”
“You can also panic loudly,” I point out.
He grins. “But effectively.”
Jaemin leans back. “Strategy. Big picture. Worst-case scenarios.”
YN hums. “You already do that anyway.”
Jaemin looks proud and slightly offended.
They all glance at me again.
“And you,” Jeno says.
I swallow.
“I’m… field,” I say. “I take the hits. I make the calls when things go wrong.”
Haechan frowns. “That sounds like too much.”
“It is,” I admit. “But it’s mine.” The room goes quiet.
Then YN speaks, soft but steady. “And me.” Everyone looks at her.
I hesitate. “Eventually.”
She nods. “Eventually.”
She waits. Doesn’t push.
I take a breath. “When you join… you’re oversight.”
Haechan tilts his head. “That sounds important.”
“It is,” I say. “You see what we miss. You call it out. You pull the plug when I won’t.”
She studies me. “You’d listen.”
“I always do.”
A beat.
She smiles, small and real. “Okay.”
Jaemin scribbles it down.
ROLE: OVERSIGHT / MISSION CONTROL
He underlines it twice.
Haechan squints. “That means she can override you.”
I nod. “In emergencies.”
YN raises an eyebrow. “Only emergencies.”
I meet her gaze. “I promise.”
Another quiet moment settles in.
Then Jeno says, “Final authority still rests with you," and everyone nods.
I don’t argue, because they’re right.
I lean forward, elbows on my knees, voice low. “I need you to understand something.”
They do. Instantly.
“This only works if I’m the last line,” I continue. “Not because I want control. But because if something goes wrong… it needs to stop with me.”
YN’s hand finds mine.
“If I mess up,” I say, “it’s my name. My suit. My choice.”
No one jokes.
Haechan swallows. “You don’t have to carry it alone.”
“I know,” I say. “But I carry it first.” That’s the difference.
Jaemin nods slowly. “Protection first.”
“Always,” I say.
YN squeezes my hand. “And we protect you.”
I look at her. Really look.
Then I smile. “Yeah. You do.”
Later, when we’re packing up, the excitement creeps back in. Haechan arguing about call signs. Jaemin insisting on laminated cards. Jeno already planning upgrades.
YN lingers with me near the board.
“You didn’t have to say all that,” she murmurs.
“I did,” I reply.
She leans into my shoulder. “You’re not alone anymore.”
I kiss the top of her head. “I know. That’s why I can do this.”
The lights go off one by one as we leave, the hideout quiet again but no longer empty.
SUMMARY | You and Johnny celebrate his birthday in the office.
PAIRINGS | Johnny x fem!Reader
GENRE | smut just pure smut
CONTENT/WARNINGS | non-idols au, established relationship, unprotected sex (wrap it up folks!), kissing, oral sex (both m/f receiving/giving), hair grabbing, creampies, swearing, fingering, skin-marking, anal play, pet names (sir, angel, princess,etc), office sex, desk sex
AUTHOR’S NOTE | It's my man's birthday ❤️Happy 31st, Johnny!
NCT Main Masterlist
"What are you looking at?"
Your eyes snap back up to look at your boss's face. You've been gazing somewhere around the level of his very impressive, exquisitely fitted, silky smooth tailored pants, and while it's not the first time you've done so in his presence, it might be the first time he's ever noticed. Your boss is an absolute sweetheart of a man, and just looking at him makes your mouth water, but you certainly can't ever let him know how he makes your head spin.
"Sorry, Mr Suh," you say quickly, clearing your throat and straightening some papers that you had no intention of actually reading, "You were saying?"
Johnny Suh leans forward onto his desk with his forearms, looking at you intently as he tries to decide if you've really pulled a fast one on him, or if he can forgive your inattentive, lust filled gaze. Johnny is a smart, strong and intense person who sees almost everything and overlooks nothing when it comes to work, so the chances are slim for forgiveness and acceptance on a very professional basis, despite any very unprofessional feelings he may harbor towards you.
And he certainly harbors quite a few.
"What's going on in your head?" He finally asks you quietly, causing you to blush, despite being a grown ass woman.
You don't have to pretend like your attraction to him doesn't exist, or deny any sexual chemistry between the two of you. You've had enough coffee "breaks" and heated glances exchanged across his office to leave any such pretense aside. There's an unmistakable charge in the air between you two and your relationship with Johnny isn't exactly subtle from when you first became his secretary. You'd grown a lot closer lately, spending all of your lunches together, having stolen, intimate make out sessions behind closed doors, so things are bound to get out sooner or later, one way or another.
And when that day came, no one batted an eye to yours and Johnny's relationship.
"Honestly?" you ask him shyly.
He smiles in amusement, cocking an eyebrow at you as he gives a brief nod.
"I was kind of," your lips quirk at the edges as you give an impish grin, "day dreaming, I guess?"
"Oh, were you now?" He sounds amused as he gestures you to approach him. "And what might you have been daydreaming about?"
It's only you two in the office, late on Friday evening as you usually are. Usually you stay overtime to go through the week's notes, typing them down and getting them all in order while Johnny wraps up any major projects. Tonight, he's finishing up some client files as you sit across from him and try to figure out what the hell is going on in the team's expense report.
"You," you say slowly, feeling bold and decidedly flushed, but playing the game you've always played when it comes to him.
"Do tell." His grin is infectious. You take a step in front of him and his hands reach out to stroke gently, yet firmly along the back of your legs. "Come on, sweet Y/N. Aren't you going to tell your boss all about the filthy fantasies running rampant in that pretty little head of yours?"
"Johnny," you half laugh, half whine, squirming with frustration and desperate to close the rest of the distance between you, "Are we really doing this?"
He shrugs casually as he sits you on his strong thighs. "Sure, why not? No one will bother us tonight."
And you can see in his eyes how eager and eager he is to play this out, because what started as a harmless bit of workplace banter has become a relationship you've been longing for years. Johnny's such a good guy, you've known this since your college days when you'd gotten a taste of him, and you had never thought in a million years he would've wanted something real, or that he'd come after you for real. But here he is, letting you call all the shots on whatever direction your relationship goes.
Your college days with Johnny are a decade old by now, back when he'd made your panties melt with nothing but a quick wink and a whispered promise. Back then he had just been a fun thing you kept going back to, whenever your needs or hormones couldn't be handled with just your fingers and vibrator. It hadn't been anything romantic, just the easy and pleasure seeking kind of romance that college kids often indulge themselves in, when the mood strikes. But ten years is a long time to look back at how things had been, and although you're sure there were definitely nights he wasn't thinking of you, you know that you've been pining for him in the same fashion.
Since graduating from the same college, your life went one way and Johnny's life took him somewhere completely different. But fate would be kind and bring you together yet again ten years later, reuniting you not only with him, but also some of your friends from the college days you thought had long passed.
Who would have thought that you'd end up as his personal secretary, reporting directly to him and privy to many of the daily details of his personal life? It wasn't at all the route you thought your life would take or had even intended to go, but it's been such an amazing adventure so far. It was a demanding job that Johnny made worth your while, always ensuring you got what he felt you were due for your dedication and hard work.
And boy, do you ever love it when he takes charge of your body, treating you like the queen of his universe, like he doesn't give a flying shit about how your world spins around his axis. Because he most definitely does if that diamond ring on your finger means anything at all.
"No one would think sweet, little Y/N had this boss on a leash," he says lowly. "Is that what you want, princess? Do you want to have your way with me right now and tell everyone what an insatiable brat I've turned you into?"
"Johnny," you shudder as he slips one finger between the crease of your legs and down to your wet pussy, rubbing gently along the lips and slick outer walls of your core as he looks at you with lidded, heated eyes, "Shit. Johnny... We're in the office. We shouldn't."
"We shouldn't, should we, princess?" he agrees in an entirely unconvinced way, sliding his finger down into the delicious tight, warm, sticky wetness of your dripping pussy, massaging your inner walls, relishing the sensation as he drinks in the pleasure from watching how you react to him. "But whose fault is it for not wearing panties today?" He wants more than just his fingers inside you, and by the way you shift your hips over his hand to press against his dick, it seems as if you can barely contain how much you want his length buried deep within your hungry little cunt. "Baby, I want to bend you over my desk, fuck you right in front of that giant window for the world to see, and let everyone know who's pussy that is."
"You wouldn't," you challenge, meeting his heated stare with your own as you tilt your head and take in how painfully hard his erection is already. "You promised me not when we're in the office," you pout and cross your arms over your chest, still grinding yourself against his straining length.
"Maybe I should reconsider those rules," he growls in response, rolling his hips upwards to press the firm heat of his erection to your core, and you whimper in need.
"Can't we go home and do that, sir?" You beg him as you whine and thrust your hips forward against his, grinding your dripping wet, needy hole to his cock through the fabric, as if trying to tempt him. You'd seen how much it drives him wild when you call him 'sir' in bed, so you feel confident the pet name will work now, too.
"Soon," he replies with a gentle shake of his head, wrapping his free arm around your waist and pulling you flush against him, keeping you there with a strong, powerful, commanding arm that has you grinding in anticipation. "We still have some unfinished business here to take care of first."
You press your head into the side of his neck, shuddering against him as you clutch his shoulders and dig in, rocking your hips against his. "Please, sir," you mewl into his ear, feeling him shudder beneath you.
His eyes darken as you speak, and his hand is rough, gripping, urgent, slipping and pulling and pressing and clenching at whatever he can touch, anything he can grip, anything to make you feel what he feels for you, everything he desires.
"If you suck me off here, baby, I'll take you home," his words are so tender, "take you home so that I can fuck you senseless in our big, comfy, bed."
You immediately slide to your knees between his legs, your thighs rubbing together hungrily, desperate for friction and pressure. With one hand on the top of his thigh, you nuzzle at his clothed cock and look up at him through your thick lashes.
"Can't wait to get home, huh, princess?" his hands card into your hair and tugs it a little.
With deft fingers, you pull his dress shirt free and run a fingernail down his lower abs, so close to where his cock is throbbing, making his dress pants tented and straining. You give a devious grin before pressing a gentle kiss to the prominent bulge straining through the fabric.
"Suck my cock, you dirty, little angel," he orders you, voice husky and impatient, "Do a good job and I'll take care of that pretty pussy once we're back home in bed." Johnny spreads his legs wider for you and unbuttons his pants to free his leaking cock, letting his fingers come to rest tangled loosely in the soft locks of your hair, not pulling or pushing, but simply stroking and threading the fine strands between them. You feel his hand lightly resting on the back of your head as you run your palm up his clothed, hardened cock and hear his moan as you graze a fingertip over the wet, fabric covered tip.
The thought of his dick filling you, stretching you, pressing all the right places and lighting up all the nerve-endings spots that makes you whimper in need, is too tantalizing to resist. His length is impressive, and thick enough to fill up every inch of your aching, swollen pussy. You undo his zipper completely and carefully peel his boxer briefs away from the shaft, sighing in longing.
His member twitches as you release it, and you immediately trace your fingertips up along the veins, wrapping them around him and swiping your tongue over the red, leaking, slit.
"Yes, baby. That's it," Johnny encourages you with his praise, and his hand cups the back of your head and pushes gently, trying to guide you to suckle at the engorged cock-head.
You gently push his hips away with your free hand, just far enough that you're the one dictating the pace of his cock, licking at the veiny side of his hard on, starting at the base and making your way up. His mouth falls open in a soundless gasp as you cover him in your saliva, leaving him a soaked mess. It's filthy and unabashedly carnal as you dip lower and slowly envelope his crown with your hungry, wet mouth, and the muscles in his thighs clench and the air leaves his lungs as you slowly let him past your lips.
His hips buck, and his body jolts as he pulls you in to him. He's desperate, you can feel it, hear it, taste it as he grabs your hair tighter and holds you as close as you can come with his cock shoved down your throat, muffling your noises. His dick is searing hot and throbbing, filling every inch of your mouth until he's hitting the back of your throat.
"That's my baby," he groans with approval, leaning forwards to meet the movements of your mouth. "That's my gorgeous wife."
One of his hands remains tangled in your hair, while his other dives towrds your breast, squeezing and flicking your hard nipple. "That's a good girl, taking my cock, swallowing down my cum," he pants, and his hips jerk involuntarily as you run the tip of your tongue up and around the engorged vein near the tip. "God, baby, that mouth. Fuck."
His breathing quickens with every stroke of your mouth, every caress of your hands and fingers, gripping at you like he'll lose his mind if he isn't touching you, holding you. And you could be losing your mind too, in the exquisite feeling of having your mouth on his cock, his moans and pleas of arousal filling the quiet, dimly lit office as the heavy shaft pulses against the hollow of your cheeks. He's close, very close, you know, from the way his breath hitches, and his skin twitches when he feels the slight press of your teeth, just shy of breaking skin and causing pain, but threatening pleasure just the same.
"Fuck!"
And he's coming. The load spurting over the back of your tongue, down your throat. You swallow down every last drop, letting his cum drip from the corner of your swollen, glistening lips as you look up at him from under your thick, hooded eyelashes. He cups your chin between his thumb and index finger and gently runs his thumb along your plump bottom lip, wiping at the cum before raising it up towards your mouth for you to clean it off. Your tongue flicks out and curls around the digit, sucking gently at it until it pops out from between your lips.
He removes his thumb from between your lips and slides them back into your mouth to keep them open, allowing him to collect the last bit of cum from your cheek, which you dutifully suck clean off. The rest he uses to gently massage over the plump, velvety skin of the crown. Your eyes lock together, the corners of your mouth curling upward into an anticipatory smile.
"Good girl," he murmurs, gently brushing a loose strand of hair behind your ear as his fingers slip from the wet heat of your mouth. "I would take you home but..." He hoists you up before turning you over to bend you down against his desk. "I really need to fill that sweet, dripping pussy now."
"Johnny," you let out a whine.
"Baby, I promise, I'll take you home," Johnny promised, circling his arms around your waist and pressing a soft, feather-light kiss to the crook of your neck. "But for now, just let your husband indulge himself in your pretty pussy." He moved his palms along your front to squeeze at your breasts before dipping to rest at your thighs, spreading your legs further. He slips your panties off and tucks the damp fabric into his front pocket, dropping to his knees. You hear him groan lowly behind you and squeeze at your plush, supple flesh.
"I'm a greedy man," he whispered as if he was saying it more to himself than to you, and planted his lips firmly to the back of your thigh, giving a little bite before sucking softly against the mark that would form and then letting go, enjoying the sensation of watching the angry red skin fade back to normal.
You know he loves seeing his marks all over your body and giving them to you was one of his biggest turn-ons. He breathed onto the freshly-formed bruise before leaning forward to flatten his tongue over your engorged, dripping, sex, running the wet, warm muscle up from your hole to the underside of the hood and continuing all the way back up, pressing his tongue slightly against your tight ring of muscles. You moan into the wood, eyes fluttering closed at the feeling and slight teasing at another sensitive part of you that Johnny always loved to torment.
He can't get enough. This wasn't his favorite, not even remotely close, but it was definitely up there and every time the opportunity arose he just couldn't get enough. There's something so, so dirty about pushing his face between the ass cheeks of a woman who trusts him, knows him, lets him play with and love on her so much, and get down in the filthiest, nastiest kind of way. His thumbs were holding you open so he could slip his tongue further, getting it to wriggle and squirm as deep and hard as possible, and then suddenly he was sticking a finger inside your asshole and your legs began quivering, thighs and tummy tensing in orgasm. He hadn't meant for this to happen, had just intended to tease, but damn did he enjoy the way you would writhe beneath his ministrations and let him feast on your cunt as much as he wanted, just for being such an attentive lover.
"Fuck!" Your whole body shivers, trembling a little as you collapse on top of his desk and your pussy spasms, hot juices trickling out, and Johnny darts out his tongue to eagerly catch every drop of them that comes spilling out, lapping at it, scooping up more of your essence, making you tremble as he sucks softly and playfully at the puffy lips, then licking at your clit again, just to have his face soaked with your honey.
"What a great way to celebrate my birthday," Johnny says into your pussy, looking up and admiring the way he's made your body shiver and the little sounds of pleasure you make as he continued to lap up at your wetness, taking every last drop he could manage into his mouth. "Eating my gorgeous wife's sweet, sweet, pussy for dessert." He murmurs appreciatively.
"Shit, Johnny, it's, fuck, it's too much," you pant, fingers flexing and knuckles turning white as they grip around the edge of his desk, in desperation to gain traction as he presses into your tight walls, exploring every crevice, tongue fucking your soaked core.
"Too much?" Johnny scoffs, pulling away enough for his mouth to make an audible pop. His hand groping at the flesh of your rear roughly, and his other holding onto the base of your thigh tightly. "Why, do you want me to stop, princess?"
"Johnny," you whisper brokenly. "I can't wait. Please."
"I thought you wanted to wait until we get home?" Johnny teased with a chuckle, pressing the lightest of kisses to your inner thigh. "Do you really want my cock now, baby?"
"Johnny," your face turns pink with embarrassment. "Stop teasing me! You've got a beautiful wife begging and moaning for her big, strong husband to just fuck her already! Give it to her now, please?" Your pussy throbs painfully with need. "Can her birthday boy fill her hungry cunt?"
The look Johnny gives you then, oh God, the look... And how could you resist such a lust-fueled, manic, almost rabid look like the one Johnny's giving you right now. Johnny's always so sweet with you, treating you like royalty and kissing and cuddling and spoiling you rotten and all the normal things a person's spouse should. But you love how animalistic he gets sometimes, treating your body like the temple he worships daily, his own personal, private, holy garden in which he can pray to his heart's desire and sin to his heart's content.
"Fine," Johnny sighs. "But don't go getting all sensitive on me later, alright?" He says, placing the tip of his hard dick against your slit.
You can't even answer. All you can do is gasp at the delicious friction and burn of the hot, heavy cock stretching and stretching your soaked walls. He keeps the pace nice and slow and steady, bottoming out fully without any forceful thrusts or brutal shoves.
"Doing okay, angel?" he asks, sliding one hand to squeeze your breast before rubbing your nipple gently with his thumb. "Is the big bad Johnny hurting his gorgeous, dirty, naughty girl?"
"Yeah, the big bad Johnny is really going hard tonight," you sigh, trying not to let out a laugh.
Johnny makes a pleased, faux-offended sound and adjusts his angle, pulling out and pushing in slowly as his cockhead grazes over your walls, making you moan. "You always were the brattiest thing I ever fucked," he muses thoughtfully, hands still roaming over the flesh of your thigh. He continues grinding himself deep inside you.
You snicker a little before grabbing his wrist and giving it an almost playful smack. "Maybe she should teach her big, bad Johnny to shut that filthy mouth and fuck her like a proper husband ought to."
"Maybe she should put a gag on that bratty mouth," he retorts, squeezing and kneading at your ass with a passion.
"There's something so erotic and wrong, about fucking you in our workplace after hours," you giggle, clenching and unclenching your tight cunt, the muscles tightening around the width and thickness of him. "But since it's your birthday... I'm doing this for you," you say, but the grin on your face and the tone of your voice told him everything he needed to know, you were enjoying it too. "But next time, we're going home and you're taking me to bed. No excuses."
You hear him snicker and lean down to nip at your earlobe, lips pressed to your jaw as he ruts his cock deep inside of your dripping core and pulling back out, the way his length slid over every crease and fold, every bump and groove inside you had you moaning.
"Deal," Johnny promises.
"Happy birthday, Johnny," you tell him as he slides a finger into your mouth and you suck it teasingly. "How do you feel about giving me a few babies on your special day?"
"Yeah?" He mumbles, reaching one hand between your legs to rub teasing circles on your clit. "You want my baby, sweetheart?"
"I want a bunch. All yours," you reply. "Please, sir?"
He laughs. "It would be the perfect gift for me," he admits.
You groan as he brushed a finger back and forth across your clitoris in slow circles, making you gasp and buck up towards the touch. The pleasurable feeling has him groaning loudly before thrusting upwards to match yours, his arms looping themselves underneath yours so that his palms could wrap around your breasts to hold on to. The walls of your vagina start sucking hard on him.
"You really love the way I fill you up, huh baby?" He pants breathlessly. "Doing okay down there, princess? I know I have a fat dick but shit. Never expected to fill up a princess so well."
"Stop talking. More fucking," you beg impatiently.
"Bossy, bossy, my baby," Johnny chuckles, running a palm down between your legs and cupping the skin over your abdomen with his hand, feeling the bulge in you shift slightly at his ministration. "I bet your hungry little hole is begging for more cum from her big, bad husband. You're a good girl, letting her man use and play and toy and tease and fuck her, filling her up full of his baby, aren't you, baby girl?" He pushes his entire shaft in one move, your tightness milking him eagerly and you cry out his name in bliss. "Keep clenching me like that baby," he purrs and picks up the pace, chasing his orgasm, the tip of him nudging your g-spot and forcing waves and waves and waves of pleasure through your entire being.
"Johnny," you whimper and squirm, "I'm close, my love," you groan and squeeze tightly, his balls hitting your thighs each time his thrusts picked up tempo.
"I know, angel. So am I," Johnny replies, the weight and fullness of him overflowing your senses and filling every inch of space available, stretching your tight, wet heat beyond the capacity you thought you could accommodate. "Think we can come together?" He asks softly, hand tangling in your hair and guiding you to turn your head a bit so that he can see your face, thumb and index finger lifting your chin and encouraging you to maintain eye contact with him as he spoke, a crooked, teasing smirk spreading across his handsome features.
You nod quickly, body trembling and clenching in eager anticipation. "I love you," you groan out.
He looks so handsome when his cheeks are flushed and his chest heaving and his muscles all tensed, and the sight of you spread beneath him was bringing his impending orgasm much, much closer.
"I love you so much, angel," he breathes, capturing your lips in a searing kiss as his rhythm falters slightly, and suddenly his movements become almost desperate, like he can't get enough. "You're doing so good," he encourages softly. "God, fuck, baby, I'm gonna blow inside you if you keep clamping down like that."
You grip the sides of his desk, sweat beading and pooling, hair falling astray, a bead or two running down between your heaving breasts. The heavy drag and glide of him through your wet channel feels incredible. Your sex clenches tight around him, needing the release so bad, feeling his tip rub against the spongy patch inside.
"Johnny," you whimper out as a small smile tugs the corners of your mouth, eyes threatening to roll to the back of your head, his hand helping support the front of your torso while the other falls between your legs, spreading the dripping folds for his full view.
"Let it go, baby, come for your birthday boy," Johnny encourages, dipping his fingers deep and stroking you in tandem with his powerful thrusts. The room is filled with nothing but moans and labored breaths, and he lets go, fingers sliding further over your soft mound, sliding the flesh from the hood of your sensitive clit, using the pads of his middle and index finger to massage small circles into the bud.
The orgasm hits you suddenly, his name on your lips as the room tilts, your hips jerking, bucking into his in need as a rush of fluids drip out and around his throbbing erection, your muscles convulsing and pulsing in unadulterated ecstasy. He spills into you soon after, mouth falling open, hips stuttering in erratic pumps, spilling wave after wave of his seed inside and out of your trembling cunt as you moan loudly through the rest of your high.
Your combined juices and cum start to dribble down along your thighs, his member softening and slipping out of your quivering core. He's pulling tissues from the box on his desk to help you clean up, pressing soft kisses to your face and stroking the stray hairs plastered to your sweat-sheened skin from behind your ears, leaning forward to nuzzle against you sweetly, his warm breath tickling you.
"Happy birthday, Johnny," you coo sweetly, turning your head enough to capture his lips with yours. His hands move to your waist, wrapping his strong arms around you protectively, fingertips lightly trailing against your back soothingly.
"Thank you baby," Johnny mumbles against your lips, "And now let's you get cleaned up and home and straight into that big bed of ours."
lee taeyong x reader ꫂ ၴႅၴ angst, hurt/comfort ꫂ ၴႅၴ smau! ꫂ ၴႅၴ warnings: miscommunication, language, saesangs mentioned!, markhyuck yell at taeyong but its deserved
song rec: i wanted to rec something nct-related but right now firework confetti by tws is playing on repeat, nonstop in my head so i couldn't even if i tried (we're truthful around here 😖)
my note: ha..hahaha this was meant to go up the weekend after doyoung and jungwoos when taeyong returned from the military but since when is @nonononranghaee ever on time and organised so this is going on almost 5 weeks later 😃!! my yongie welcome back!! i hope you adjust suoer quickly and i love how re-alive ilichil is now like YES GIVE US MORE!!!!! other than that in this smau taeyongs kind of an ass until mahae knock some sense jnto him (yes mahae lets go) ive been inhaling angst and hurt/comfort these days like a fucking deranged person, that has nothing to do with this since i wrote this ages before the hurt/comfort and angst re-obsession but i just felt like tmi-ing today ☺️ i also JUST realised im such an ass bc i have a whole theme dedicated to hae but i have not a SINGLE work of him this is insane wtff 💔 ive yapped for too long as you can see this is probably the longest hafs note ever and idek if yall read these But Yeah. BYESIESS
