I'm just saying, if they made a remake of the parent trap today they wouldn't have the guts to make it a "Martin and Chessy learn they actually have two goddaughters and decide to team up to steal both of them from their idiotic neglectful parents"
Peter Solarz
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PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH

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@neph3lee
I'm just saying, if they made a remake of the parent trap today they wouldn't have the guts to make it a "Martin and Chessy learn they actually have two goddaughters and decide to team up to steal both of them from their idiotic neglectful parents"
If a fantasy world has an ancient tree of wisdom, that means it must also have young trees that are dumb as shit. Just giving terrible advice like, "the evil wizard is kinda hot"'
okay. rude.
Absolutely love how emotionally aware my child is for a 4 and a half year old do not however love stubbing my toe on the island for the 100th time today and hearing "hey mama it's okay to cry! It's not okay to throw a fit though, and we hafta re-...we have to reconitize the difference"
When I immediately say "oh no thanks" to a food she offers me she says "oh mommy, chefs try new foods. Can you take one , two, bites for me and if you really don't like it then I won't ask forever again deal?"
like you know what fine sure I'll try your truly heinous concoction because I do in fact hafta respect the deals
Can u tell I love their loser fail dynamic
Plugging our pjo zine applications again too @twofoldzines
becoming a wizard lawyer and immediately getting a client who describes themself as "the bruce springsteen of nonbinary liches"
what the hell happened to attorney client confidentiality
you tried to pay me with one dusty old fake emerald
maybe one day. (yt)
This was my art school’s water fountain. Drink from them wolf tiddies
Assignment misunderstood. I have now built a city.
Give it a day
I love that "Hayden Pike has a crush on Shane Hollander" isn't just a fandom trope, it's genuine textual analysis.
I also love that "Marleau and Ilya have definitely shared women and/or fucked in front of one another" is not even close to being hinted at in canon but we all know it to be true.
stop saying "gen z brought back bush-era purity politics" i grew up in the bush era and even then people weren't saying that you're a sex addict for having boring marital sexual congress in the same house as your children. this is just plain unhinged
Literally almost every millennial I know has a memory of accidentally walking in on their parents or hearing their parents having sex. It's fucking normal. Human beings have sex. Your parents fuck. Get over it. Being weird about it isn't healthy.
I really loved Robert Evans’s response to this
One should always have at least 2 craft projects going. That way, when one of them is messed up and misbehaving, you can switch to another, and let the first one sit there and think about what it's done.
Sometimes (oftentimes), when a creative project is "misbehaving," it's because it is tired, and overstimulated, and just needs a time out to rest -- like toddlers often need.
And sometimes, you should give your creative projects time to talk to each other, as well as to you.
Instructions unclear; my 17 ongoing craft projects have unionized against me.
the human stress response seems so maladaptive!
To be fair 99% of our evolutionary stress response was meant to deal with far more immediately conclusive scenarios than the tedious bullshit we put up with these days.
very very slow tigers are chasing me
not to leave a serious comment on a silly post but one of the best pieces of advice I ever got about stress was to SLEEP but secondly, when overwhelmed, lay in a bed and intentionally hold all your muscles clenched. clench EVERYTHING. hold it for a few seconds, then let go. It tricks your animal fight-or-flight monkey brain into thinking it had, and won, a fight, and some of the stress response will leave you
#turn a slow tiger into a fast tiger with this fucked up trick
I need everyone to know that when I am educating clients on tension release exercises in therapy all I can think of is this post. It takes everything out of me not to say "let's try the fucked up tiger trick" in session.
just say it queen, let's make it happen
Another day in the Office
Surrealist humor sure is taking on a new flavor huh
I have finally identified my only two braincells.
In 3d video games at least, objects that clip like this bump around and make so much noise because they are gaining speed as they rapidly cut between being pushed and pulled by the surface's collision box. These objects can possess immense speed even if they look relatively stationary.
Touching the chair may well result in releasing this enormous amount of confined speed into your body, which is a fun way to meet the dev team.
#well now i gotta forever use meet the dev team as a euphamism for dying
Hey tumblr friends, in case I haven't told you lately, I have no idea what the FUCK half of you are on about and I WISH I didn't know what the rest of you are on about. Great work. Keep it up.
Hey tumblr friends, in case I haven't told you lately, I have no idea what the FUCK half of you are on about and I WISH I didn't know what the rest of you are on about. Great work. Keep it up.
i'm so curious, what's the first best scene in television history!?
the people have been asking. so, let me elucidate on the best scene in cinema:
--
Rozanov hits like an angry fuck.
Shane always has to be careful to not be careful, taking his checks. Has to lean hard into two decades of instinct on how to take a man's body against the boards. Not tense up, not try and turn and escape. Rozanov is too heavy for that, too powerful.
You take his hits and you breathe through it and you elbow him back where the refs can’t see and feel the heat of his answering grunt in the kick of your cock against your cup and you beat him to the puck and you clear it out along the board to the guy waiting out of the pile up and work on tangling Rozanov up so he can't go after him. You stay on top only by anticipating what he'll do. Because you can't stop him from doing it. The Raiders fucking phenomenal winning cup run in June lit a fire under Roz's ass that's still burning. He's whipped his boys up into fever pitch for this mid-October season opener, gunning for the repeat.
That's fine. Shane knows his team. Knows which way the ice will tilted. They play their best with a challenge.
When Rozanov slams into Shane's back as he's hunting down the puck behind the net, Shane defends the puck. Stick clashing with Rozanov's, scuffling, shuffling his left skate to cover the hole left behind. Pinning it so Rozanov can't find it. Jabs back with his elbow. Feels the solid weight of Rozanov's big body. Listens for JJ at the point, calling for the puck, slapping the ice loud over the call of the home crowd, eager for violence.
Rozanov laughs, shoves on Shane's back, digs at Shane's skate with his own, and Shane rolls his tongue over his mouthguard. His cheeks hurt as he bites down on the smile. He squirts the puck free, feeds it over towards JJ's waiting tape. Bad angle. Tangles his stick with Rozanov's. Keeps him there for three extra seconds, keeps him mouthing off, "shit pass, Hollander. Did you forget to practice in summer?" while JJ and Lukes tag team the net, late Boston change, only one D, and there. By the time Rozanov slams Shane one last, skin-shivering time, the goal horn is wailing at the ceiling.
"Nope," Shane says, and slides his body free from Rozanov's. Taps Rozanov's shins with his stick. "Seems like you did, though," and skates up the ice to crowd around Lukes for the celly.
Rozanov will get him back, but that's the point; Shane loves it best when Rozanov goes down swinging.
--
--
Rozanov fucks like game seven overtime.
Shane always has to be ready to be ready, taking his cock. Has to lean into the mess underneath him, the months of training to relax enough to accept a cock in his ass. Not tense up, not try to take it too fast. Rozanov is too thick for that, too hard, usually.
You take his cock in increments and push back into every thrust and exhale and hook your ankle around his shin and brace yourself in the cushions and tilt your hips for the right angle to find the empty, craven space inside you. You stay underneath him, by knowing how to arch into the slap of his balls against yours. Because you don't want him to stop doing it. The season starts with Rozanov slamming Shane's door and leads into Rozanov slamming Shane into the couch, hands ripping down Shane's sweats without asking, without needing to ask. Fever pitch, between every inch of salt-stick skin, both of them racing to the finish.
It's good. Shane knows his body. Knows Rozanov's body. They do their best work overheated, supercharged.
When Rozanov slaps his hand into Shane's cheek as he's picking up the pace, Shane groans wetly. Hole clutching up around Rozanov's dick, shuddering, squirming his right leg up to deepen the stretch. Proffering the bruise on his hip Rozanov made. Feels the solid squeeze of Rozanov's big hand. Listens to their shared heaving, the echo of announcers calling their names, still inside his molten bones.
Rozanov laughs, shoves on Shane's face more, knees Shane's legs open wider, and Shane smears spit and pre-come and cut-off pleas everywhere. His head pounds in tune with the thrust of Rozanov’s cock deep in his guts. The cool lube Rozanov hastily squirted into him is churned loose, replaced by Rozanov’s driving heat. Glorious angle. Wraps his hand around Rozanov’s flexed wrist. Keeps him pushing down, muttering, “so tight, Hollander. You have been waiting for me all summer?” while the rhythm goes ragged and rough. By the time Rozanov spears his teeth into the sweat budding across Shane’s shoulders, he can feel the orgasm screaming in his nerves.
"Yeah," Shane says, and clenches up around Roz's body. Feeling Rozanov’s pulse drum against his sweaty palm, inside his ass. "Yeah, it's. I did. Fuck."
Rozanov leans down to sucks a kiss across Shane's nape, pulls too hard at Shane’s blood, but that’s the point; Shane loves it best when Rozanov leaves marks behind.
--
i hope that helps! 🤞