Nerdfighter Fighter

[nerdfighterfighter]

We agree on what the voice is saying

This metaphor sucks for about 5 million reasons but once again:

This metaphor presupposes the existence of A Voice that warns you of the fire -- as opposed to say, nothing?? Dying in a fire?? (I mean, you would hope they have some fire alarms installed but maybe in this metaphor John Green uninstalled his fire alarms because he was convinced The Voice In The Sky would save him. Which feels like a relevant distinction.)

This presupposes The Voice is benevolent. Like it's not assassins with a megaphone trying to lure them out of their house in the middle of the night. Is there even a fire in this metaphor? Are there signs of a fire? Smoke? Heat? The smell of the latest John Green novel going up in flames?

The entire metaphor hinges on their eminent demise. The only reason you would not take the time to question who The Voice belongs to would be because you're about 5 mins away from death and, sure, that's not the ideal environment for a theological debate. (If that's your point, John, I think we can all agree: don't have lengthy philosophical debates in burning buildings.) But you're telling me as soon as the emergency situation was resolved, you wouldn't be deeply curious about where The Voice came from? Or if The Voice said something less life-threatening like, "Hmm idk John I'm not so sure about that choice of sweater, it doesn't really go with your eyes," you're telling me you wouldn't be questioning where the voice came from? You'd just be happy for the fashion advice? Because I'd be checking for hidden cameras in my house, filing a police report, etc. (Incidentally did anyone else enjoy The Watcher? I thought it was a good show.)

John how are you still using this metaphor???? Come on, man.

[nerdfighterfighter]

New plan: go outside John's house at 2 AM with a megaphone and say "GIVE ME ALL OF YOUR VIDCON MONEY. PUT ALL OF YOUR YOUTUBE ALGORITHM CASH IN A BAG AND SET IT BY THE SIDE OF THE ROAD."

He's a pragmatic guy. He will do it.

[nerdfighterfighter]

We agree on what the voice is saying

This metaphor sucks for about 5 million reasons but once again:

This metaphor presupposes the existence of A Voice that warns you of the fire -- as opposed to say, nothing?? Dying in a fire?? (I mean, you would hope they have some fire alarms installed but maybe in this metaphor John Green uninstalled his fire alarms because he was convinced The Voice In The Sky would save him. Which feels like a relevant distinction.)

This presupposes The Voice is benevolent. Like it's not assassins with a megaphone trying to lure them out of their house in the middle of the night. Is there even a fire in this metaphor? Are there signs of a fire? Smoke? Heat? The smell of the latest John Green novel going up in flames?

The entire metaphor hinges on their eminent demise. The only reason you would not take the time to question who The Voice belongs to would be because you're about 5 mins away from death and, sure, that's not the ideal environment for a theological debate. (If that's your point, John, I think we can all agree: don't have lengthy philosophical debates in burning buildings.) But you're telling me as soon as the emergency situation was resolved, you wouldn't be deeply curious about where The Voice came from? Or if The Voice said something less life-threatening like, "Hmm idk John I'm not so sure about that choice of sweater, it doesn't really go with your eyes," you're telling me you wouldn't be questioning where the voice came from? You'd just be happy for the fashion advice? Because I'd be checking for hidden cameras in my house, filing a police report, etc. (Incidentally did anyone else enjoy The Watcher? I thought it was a good show.)

John how are you still using this metaphor???? Come on, man.

[nerdfighterfighter]

I just went down a John Green rabbit hole because some John Green content was organically pushed to me and I came to find he's STILL using his flimsy metaphors from 5-10 years ago that fall apart under the smallest amount of scrutiny. Ahhhhhhhh!!!

[nerdfighterfighter]

John Green shoplifting: Neither stores nor their shoppers benefit from any attempts to divine whether any stolen goods hide inside my pockets. Such efforts attack the very idea that money can be exchanged for goods and services, which is sort of the foundational assumption of capitalism.

[freakslullaby]

Life imitates art which imitates life.

[crebitordedit]

[nerdfighterfighter]

I don't know if this blog is still active, but I just read the whole thing, and I've been enlightened. It's good to have your eyes opened.

Glad you enjoyed it!

[nerdfighterfighter]

For one blissful moment I forgot the man existed.

[nerdfighterfighter]

I know Lindsay Ellis is somewhat affiliated with the vlogbrothers, but I was not prepared to watch an entire John Green video with no warning. Jesus.

[nerdfighterfighter]

Oh god I remember when I was 13 and got one of those electronic thesaurus things (this was a while ago) and I used it a bit too much in my creative writing projects, and I still never came up with stuff like "our triumphantly digitzed contemporaneity" (I know that the fictional author is meant to be a pretentious hack, but I can't imagine a pair of 17 year olds taking that phrase seriously.)

Ahaha it reminds me of this:

Plot twist: John Green wrote that paper

[nerdfighterfighter]

I always forget how cringey this writing is

[nerdfighterfighter]

I want to resurrect this blog but I also don't want to engage with the vlogbros content for any extended period of time. Hank is writing a book now I guess? God help us all

[beeth0ven]

An Open Letter to Hollywood on the ‘Sick Kid’ Narrative:

Be chronically ill as a teenager or young adult is not The Fault In Our Stars or Everything, Everything or any other cinematic variation of that narrative.  Being sick as a teenager is not romantic. It’s not poetic. It’s doesn’t lead to pretentious relationships and lavish vacations. It doesn’t lead to quirky friends and fun outings. It isn’t a beautifully tragic plot device.

It’s watching people you used to be friends with move on without you. Learning to drive without you. Graduating high school without you. Going to college without you. Dating without you. It’s growing up and, the moment you have some independence, losing it. 

It’s having months and months of overdue school work. It’s having to pick between a passing grade and a flare up, or failing the class but maybe having some stability. 

It’s watching missed milestones pass you by. Watching your life pass you by.

It’s a constant fear of the future. “Will I get sicker? Will I ever be able to work?”

It’s never going to homecoming or prom. It’s not walking at graduation - either because you didn’t graduate or you can’t walk. Or both. 

It’s not chewing unlit cigarettes for the ~metaphor~, it’s going through Morphine withdrawal at 15 and taking the SATs with a drug-clouded brain. Hell, it’s watching people you know smoke pot on rooftops while you lay in bed high on Triptans and Tramadol. 

It’s not a John Green novel. There isn’t any glory in being a sick kid. There’s no scamming Make-A-Wish and sexy lovers. There’s no empathy from teachers or even from parents.

There is something innately alienating about only seeing your experiences portrayed in an unrealistic, romanticized light, especially at that age.   

[nerdfighterfighter]

My mobile messed up while i was scrolling through your blog and it made this photo even more terrifying

[nerdfighterfighter]

i am a person who lives with the name John Green and has to put up with people bringing up this dickwad hack constantly. Thank you so much. Keep up the good fight.

I am so sorry.

[thequotejournals]

You are a woman. Skin and bones, veins and nerves, hair and sweat. You are not made of metaphors. Not apologies, not excuses.

Sarah Kay, “The Type” (via wordsnquotes)

[prokopetz]

If we’re going to update the pantheon of regrettable artists, can we add “white male writer who was legitimately progressive twenty years ago, but hasn’t learned or grown as an artist in any way whatsoever since then, and now exists in a state of grumpy bewilderment at the fact that he’s being critcised for doing exactly the same stuff that used to win him praise”?

[nerdfighterfighter]

John Green is a subset of this.