The Nerdy Cartographer

Weapon Proficiency: love <3

You joke, but there is a whole ongoing book series about a man who turned love into a weapon.

#Artorian's Archives

prokopetz

Tetsuya Nomura’s reputation notwithstanding, I think the Final Fantasy VII remake was actually the perfect piece of media to go full Meta Fuckery™ on.

Final Fantasy VII has a unique position in gamer culture in that its story is so iconic that a lot of people are naturally going to want to see it reproduced perfectly in HD – but on the other hand, if there was one thing a great many fans would change about the original if they could, Aerith permanently dying would be it.

From that standpoint, making the remake explicitly about that tension, with a bunch of creepy fate-enforcing ghosts trying to keep the remake’s plot on the original game’s rails while it constantly tries to jump the tracks, and Aerith herself as both the literal and narrative focal point of that enforcement, is actually kind of brilliant. It’s like the remake exists in the milieu of every fanfic you’ve ever written, and the ghosts are the self-appointed Canon Police out to ruin your fun.

I mean, there’s a very good chance that subsequent instalments are going to completely balls it up, but the potential is there.

prokopetz

(Honestly, it would be kind of awesome if the remaining episodes did fuck it up, because then we’d have to write fixit fic about a piece of media that’s about interrogating the relationship between canon and fixit fic, which is, like, advanced Meta Fuckery.)

I feel like it only seems like socks disappear often due to the fact when one is taken, another is Left behind as a reminder…

which begs the question, how often do we just forget the Personal Belongings that disappear without a trace…

Socks don't disappear. They fall through the opening between the drum and the body of the machine. Slipping through a hole in space into an alternate dimension. The beings in this dimension see the socks as a gift, and as thanks leave random mismatched pieces of tupperware in your cabinets.

A dungeon but every room is a tavern

This week on Dungeons, Dinners, Drive-ins, Dives, and Dragons! Escape from Flavor town!

…when i google dreadlocks the first pic that comes up is of a white woman…

Dreadlocks have existed in Greece dating back to at least 615 BC. And there are Roman accounts of the Celts having snake-like hair. Dreadlocks, swords, and some kind of fried dough seem to be the things every civilization will always create on their own.

draconym

Naturalists have got to be one of the groups of people most susceptible to being tricked by the fae. Travellers these days are much less likely to follow a mysterious light or the smell of roast beef into the forest. Meanwhile, find me a naturalist who would not completely lose themself in pursuit of:

An unidentifiable bird call

A butterfly that's slightly off-color

An opossum with its head stuck in a yogurt tub

A really big woodpecker

gallusrostromegalus

The Fae better be fuckin ready to be tagged and fitted with a Radio Collar for Science then, I got new hiking boots and no other ideas for research grant money.

annoys the heck out of me that we let vampires pretend to qualify as ‘undead’. they walk they talk they create drama, dead people do not get up to that kind of shit.

if you aren’t currently enjoying being a rotten corpse untethered by the burden of sentience then DON’T call yourself undead thanks

shadow-guardian-anabiel

wow never would’ve expected you to be a gatekeeper. excluding groups from the undead community just because YOU think they’re “practically alive” is kind of yikes

ok you’ve managed to make me feel quite ashamed of this post actually. shame on me

I stand by that vampires are not undead. Undead implies that while they should be dead, for one reason or another, they aren't. Zombies, ghouls, mummies, ghosts, spirits, etc., all have that in common. They are a person that has died, and have in some form or another been brought back.

Vampires simply don't fall under that category. While I am not fully studied in all vampire lore (specifically missing information regarding eastern countries such as China and Japan), everything that I know about how vampires create more vampires is that it is always performed on a living person. Usually in the form of both parties drinking some amount of blood from each other. In this case vampirism seems more like a willingly transferred disease. At no point in this process is the person ever considered dead, so there is no basis for then calling them undead.

Always have Keanu Reeves in your campaign. Always. No matter how irrelevant, how nonsensical, no matter what. ALWAYS have Keanu Reeves in your campaign.

Get one of those staples "that was easy" buttons, but instead have it be Keanu Reeves saying "woah"

smote-for-pedantry-deactivated2

Make oozes more dangerous by having them grow fully-grown bare human legs and sprinting towards players.

You know not what curse you have brought upon this world. Your hubris has forced my hand and you must now face the consequences of your actions.

smote-for-pedantry-deactivated2

If that isn’t bad enough here’s a worse one

I regret to inform you that I ship them -Mod Pencil

marlynnofmany

Stabby’s space shanty

(With thanks to @stonetheskald)

What do we do with a stabby roomba, What do we do with a stabby roomba, What do we do with a stabby roomba, In the void between stars

Way, hey, and hit the warp drive Way, hey, and hit the warp drive Way, hey, and hit the warp drive In the void between stars

Give him the best knife and some respect Give him the best knife and some respect Give him the best knife and some respect In the void between stars

chorus

Get yourself some armor for your ankles Get yourself some armor for your ankles Get yourself some armor for your ankles In the void between stars

chorus

Give him a promotion with each stabbing Give him a promotion with each stabbing Give him a promotion with each stabbing In the void between stars

chorus

Promote him to the top when he stabs the captain Promote him to the top when he stabs the captain Promote him to the top when he stabs the captain In the void between stars

chorus

Salute him when he passes with all fanfare Salute him when he passes with all fanfare Salute him when he passes with all fanfare In the void between stars

chorus

Cheer when he stops alien space pirates Cheer when he stops alien space pirates Cheer when he stops alien space pirates In the void between stars

chorus

Three cheers for Captain Stabby Three cheers for Captain Stabby Three cheers for Captain Stabby In the void between stars

caffeinewitchcraft

I’m taking japanese because I want to read Junji Ito’s entire works in the original language and I just found out I need to memorize TWO THOUSAND KANJI to be considered literate and I’m stressing because the only thing I’ve memorized since 2014 is a truly hilarious number of memes

Solution, learn Japanese exclusively through Japanese memes

ravenkult

Some Creepy houses! by Reza Afshar https://www.artstation.com/artwork/lVkX9e

badly-drawn-art-stuff

This was from a draw challenge I did a couple months back. The reference photos were from a smell study, but I can't remember what the theme was.

Why does this make me think of some weird OK GO music video?

whitepeopletwitter

They need more keys to finish the typewriter.

The guns are to give you the chance to fight back. As it is more entertaining that way.

The painting is your prize, should you survive.

Same energy

Dice subs: Look around. The number of legs on the next animal you see (including insects/arachnids) is what you rolled.

I feel you will get a Lot of Twos. But perhaps that is your aim. Or perhaps you play with a menagerie of different animals you have stolen from the local zoo and now keep in your board game cupboard. I try not to assume.

I told you all having a millipede farm would pay off!

incorrect-marvel

[At Disneyland on the teacup ride]

Tony, Steve, and T’Challa: *spinning calmly, enjoy their ride in peace*

Peter, Shuri, and Bucky: *flying past them, spinning as fast as they can, screaming*

unknowndemigod

Someone draw this please

fireflies-from-the-mind

Bucky is using his metal arm to spin the teacup at the speed of sound, Peter is probably going to fly out and Shuri just keeps chanting “Faster!”