nerdy agony

friendly neighbourhood nerd. they/them, audhd, socially anxious, aro ace. welcome to my safe space.

[nerdyagony]

my brain is refusing service send help

[nerdyagony]

i would love to deny the implication that i’m a disney princess (because being referred to as being exclusively femme makes me uncomfortable) however my four pets and my volunteer position at the rspca would like to differ

[nerdyagony]

hello and yes while piercings are fun and cool and djsjdjdkdbdj i have metal in my skin they can also be a pain in my sleep schedule. for example i got both ears pierced yesterday (2nds lobes) and was advised not to sleep on them for a while. but like. that’s how i sleep. i sleep on my ears. i can’t sleep if my ears aren’t being squished between my head and my pillow like if i push hard enough fairy dust might tumble out

[nerdyagony]

different people have different standards for being “put-together”. my standard for being put-together is being able to ride the bus without having a panic attack. don’t judge yourself too harshly

[nerdyagony]

I CAUGHT THE BUS FOR THE FIRST TIME IN LIKE FOUR YEARS YESTERDAY ARENT I SUCH AN ADULT

[eridan-ampora]

baby animals move like theyre playing a new video game & havent figured out the controls yet

[eridan-ampora]

^ just found the dodge button

[er3mo]

'you never read anymore, you used to love reading' and i have 200 safari tabs open. it never stopped it just got weird

[nerdyagony]

different people have different standards for being “put-together”. my standard for being put-together is being able to ride the bus without having a panic attack. don’t judge yourself too harshly

[write-on-world]

[heytatertot]

@nathanwpyle

I literally love this.

I couldn't stop laughing for 20 minutes.

No joke.

[meg-moira]

This has the same energy as a writer desperately trying to make their insanely cool but devastatingly off the wall plot point work with the rest of the story

[nerdyagony]

i think all high school and university science teachers should be autistic, like if you’re not autistic then you don’t pass the criteria to become a science teacher.

this is the result of me asking my biology teacher multiple of the same questions regarding one assignment and him giving me very real estate agent answers in response (i.e., he’s answering while not giving me any actual answers).

that is this month’s opinion. thank you.

[oscar-isaac]

RYAN GOSLING "I'm Just Ken" wins Best Original Song at the 29th Annual Critics' Choice Awards (January 14, 2024)

[forsovngarde]

[stillmuseum]

[yorksilk]

this week in I Am Very Smart: having enough money to go to the opera, museums and concerts correlates with having enough money for food, shelter and basic health needs

[cyborgfirelord]

They controlled for socioeconomic factors though! The people who conducted this study knew that people with lots of money to attend the opera were also more likely to be able to afford basic necessities, so they controlled for it in their analysis. The fun thing about statistics is that you can control for different confounding factors so you can look at the effects of one independent variable (opera or whatever) on the dependent variable (mortality). Part of being critical of potential biases is actually reading the article and knowing what to look for.

[starstuffandalotofcoffee]

In addition to that very good point about controlling for socioeconomic factors, the article says a single museum or concert per year makes a difference. Most cities have free community concerts (some even have free opera performances!) and museums that are either free, pay-what-you-want, or at least have specific days/times during which they are free or at a significantly reduced cost. Many libraries (which are free) provide free museum passes to card holders. In fact, the article quotes a museum worker who works at a free art museum in Baltimore.

If you actually read the article you would also read that educators are excited about this study because it provides evidence that the arts should be made more accessible financially - by restoring arts programs in the public schools, for example.

[flocon-tourne-en-rond]

My dear @jamiebythesea I hope you don’t mind but your tags are important I don’t want them to disappear

[certifiedlibraryposts]

Certified Check Out What Your Library Is Hosting Post

[dessknightenjoyer]

Important detail nobody is mentioning: This study only measured people aged 50 and up. Here is a link: https://www.bmj.com/content/367/bmj.l6377

[homobiwan]

there are some autistic “traits” that people find really annoying but that are inherently kind

[homobiwan]

like overexplaining. a lot of autistic people didn’t have certain things explained to them because “everyone knows that.” so when an autistic person overexplains something it’s not because they think you’re stupid it’s because they know how it feels for someone to assume you know something you don’t and just not ever explain how or why. it’s a kindness. autistic people aren’t annoying or stupid for this. they’re kind.

[ace-and-aro-support-group]

Worst fear: finding out that I really am just a late bloomer or something and I’m no longer asexual/aromantic and having to tell everyone and them being like told ya it was just a phase therefore giving people more “proof” asexuality/aromanticism doesn’t exist gah

[sexualitiesgalore]

the thing is, it’s okay if it’s just a phase. It doesn’t give people “proof” because there are still millions out there who are aro/ace. If it is “just a phase”, it doesn’t matter, because aro/ace is how you identify right now, and people should respect that. And if you change your mind some day, people should respect that too

[ace-and-aro-support-group]

You’re my fav kind of human

[a-romantic--aromantic]

Impermanence of being doesn’t mean it never happened and wasn’t real. Temporary identities can still be true and important. What matters is that you’re respected in each feeling and identity you have.

[rubber-duck-obsessed-boi]

Reblogging cause this is important to remember!

[feral-flower-child]

This was me. Once I started processing my trauma and finding a partner I could trust, I was able to enjoy sex. And yeah it sucks having to realize your label was wrong, but I was also able to recognize that the label was good for me at the time. It served its purpose

[ineffectualdemon]

Some people have a very strong sense of identity. They are like mountains that are still subject to change but it is a slow process that takes a long time

And that’s great for them!

Other people (like me) have a fluid sense of identity. We are water and we constantly shift and change. Our paths change with the weather and tides. We abandon old river beds and find new ones

And that’s also great!

It doesn’t mean every place I’ve been or shape I’ve held was a lie. It was just a point in my history and it was my reality while I was there. There is no shame in being changable and it doesn’t make you a liar

(also phases in general are part of human experience and often integral in shaping who you are)

[kyraneko]

being a caterpillar is a phase that doesn’t mean no butterfly ever actually was one.

the caterpillar had different needs than the butterfly and different abilities than the butterfly and was vulnerable to different things, and all of that was real.

even if every asexual eventually became some variant of sexual, that doesn’t mean any of them weren’t asexual when they were.

you are allowed to be what you are even if there’s an annoying stereotype about it.

[vriskakinnieaynrand]

[03josten]

stop fucking using the word psychotic to describe bad behaviour and violence already god fucking damn it

[03josten]

oh my god i’m so tired psychotic does not mean violent it does not mean angry or erratic. it refers to a person suffering from psychosis, a loss of touch with reality that includes hallucinations and/or delusions. psychotic people are not inherently violent and y'all need to understand how much stigma you create when you again and again incorrectly use the word psychotic without even thinking about it

[03josten]

would appreciate if non-psychotic people could reblog this

[lillyofthewoods]

Love that they put “a sense of impending doom” as one of the symptoms of a heart attack, like girl, that’s just how it is to be alive these days, you’re gonna have to be more specific

[undeadhousewife]

This made me chuckle but after scrolling away I felt the need to come back to it.

Because as someone who has felt this I can not stress how different it actually is from anxiety. Which is saying a lot because I have a massive anxiety disorder.

I’ve only felt this twice in my life - once when I was going into kidney failure due to an infection and again when my body was going into shock due to dehydration and malnourishment due to GI issues - and I can not stress how much it saved my life. It’s hard to even put it into words. It’s not like a panic attack, or anxiety. It is a horrific gut turning feeling of absolute dread.

Especially if you have anxiety you’ll know the difference honestly. It’s so much worse. It’s every cell in your body and your brain screaming that there’s something horribly wrong in a way you’ve never felt. It’s your brain screaming out that you are going to die in a way no panic attack has ever done before.

I can not stress how important it is to get yourself to the ER if you feel this way. Especially if your having other physical symptoms.

[naamahdarling]

This is amazing and incredibly helpful, oh my god. Thank you.

[vmohlere]

Seconding the above : I was going into shock from internal bleeding, and that sense of “something is gravely wrong” was entirely different from my day-to-day whirlwind of anxiety.

For me, it was very quiet. For me, there was a deep sense that I could just lie down on the floor and not have to ever get up again, no effort required.

That combined wrongness/relief was so weird and so unsettling that I drove myself to the ER.

The “impending” part is really key to that symptom, I think, based on my experience. It’s not the existential dread of late-stage capitalism grinding the world into nurdles. It’s a ghost crow on your shoulder whispering “it’s here, it’s now.”

[thebibliosphere]

Impending doom is also a feature of anaphylaxis, something I’m intimately familiar with as someone with mast cell dysfunction.

For me, its the overwhelming, near calm certainty of doom that distinguishes it from the jittery panic of “but something could go wrong.”

There’s no “what if?” There’s no room to question it. It just IS. And it’s very different from the “calm” of disassociation too. I’m not disassociated from myself when it happens. I’m probably actually the most present ever.

I’ve turned to doctors and told them calmly and with utter certainty “I am going to die” and the reaction that calm certainty gets is immediate intervention because doctors also recognize that stillness as the body not bothering to waste any time on fight or flight and just going straight to “death is imminent due to some internal failing, act accordingly.”

[bourneblack-deactivated20240910]

When I was lying in bed recovering from a hit to the head, I remember a moment in the middle of the night where I went from a sorta half asleep state to being instantly wide awake and feeling, with absolutely certainty, that I was about to die. It was dead silent in my head other than that thought, screaming at me that Something Is Wrong, something is Terribly Wrong. It was like I could feel the dread seeping into my bones, my chest, like I could see it in the back of my eyes, sense it around the corner. Everything was going haywire, like a train was blowing its whistle and I was on the track and my body was trying to get me to Move Dammit.

I called emergency services and tried to explain what I’m feeling. I thought I would be written off, but when I started describing the feeling, immediately the dispatcher sent paramedics to my apartment. Good thing too, as I had a stroke in the ambulance.

Impending doom is real, and a defense mechanism created by the brain to get you to get medical help for something that you cannot handle by yourself, and as someone with panic disorders, it is wildly different and arguably even more terrifying than any attack I’ve ever had.

[dollsonmain]

Oooh oooh! I had this when my kidneys gave out after having been backed up and infected for a couple years!!!!

It was this “Something is Wrong” feeling and it is very difficult to describe just how urgent and different it feels from the usual “Whelp, I’m going to die.” feeling anxiety has.

I got to the ER in time and they slapped antibiotics on me before even knowing what was wrong, and I felt better by the next morning but I was thisclose to dying.