Nero Phoenix

Trans enby | They/ae | 24 | Gender dysphoria | BPD | Suspected System | Trauma Survivor | Artist

[nero-the-enby]

Help an Enby Access Life Saving Surgery

I've been made aware that there are surgeons who have no BMI limit in other countries (mostly the US, a couple in Canada). I'm applying for a passport and making a go of this because im tired of sitting and waiting and trying but not making progress. Please share and/or donate if you can.

~~~~~~

Hello, my name is Nero (yes, like the Roman emperor), and I'm fundraising to access gender-affirming surgery.

I've been attempting to access gender-affirming care for 6 years, and although I'm now seeing a gender clinic (which has allowed me to start HRT), I'm facing a big barrier to accessing surgery; my weight. The way I've dealt with my gender dysphoria and the distress it creates is to eat - it brings me comfort. Sadly this means that my current BMI is too high for UK surgeons to say yes to operating on me. Most surgeons here have a BMI limit of 30, and some limit to 40. My BMI is 47. I am being supported to lose weight (dieting, exercising daily, pills, etc) and I have already lost over a stone (yay!). However losing weight is going much slower than I thought it would, and that has only served to increase my dysphoria, taken away my comfort in food, and increased my suicidal ideation. My family fully believes that I will end up taking my own life if I can't access this much-needed, life-saving surgery within the next 2 years. I'm not sure I can wait another whole year but I'm fighting hard.

With this fundraiser, I'm hoping to travel abroad to where there are surgeons who have no BMI limit and who can and will give me what I so desperately need. My dysphoria is robbing me of a life I should be having at 24 years old. I should have a job. I should have friends. I should be out socialising and having fun. Instead, I sit at home and spend all my time trying my best not to let my dysphoria convince me that it's all hopeless.

If you could spare £1, £5, or even just 10p, that would make a world of difference to me and my family.

https://gofund.me/ccf9e186

[nero-the-enby]

Hey that really sucks about your top surgery :( I hope it gets going better for you. If you can afford to travel/are in one of the countries listed, there are some surgeons that don't have a bmi limit, just another option to maybe look into if you haven't already

https://www.transbmi.com/

thank you for this. unfortunately going abroad would mean i'd have to fundraise which would taking months/years that i dont want to spend waiting and being miserable. i wish it was faster but reality is that it isnt. my dysphoria is so severe that i frequently put myself at risk. so the faster, the better

[nero-the-enby]

struggling to keep going

I have severe chest dysphoria. I'm at the point in my transition journey where I'm seeing a pilot clinic who's helping me with T, but I have to lose weight for top surgery. It's been really hard because my dysphoria makes exercising hard and my neurodivergence makes dieting hard (sensory). I'm seeing someone new next week to see if a dietitian can be of any use but I'm honestly feeling really down again. I have lost some weight but still not enough for surgery, and I'm honestly feeling like d3@th is the easier route because this is taking so long and I just want surgery now :(

stupid thing is that my gender specialist with the clinic has said that i need to be 6 months free of sui attempts before surgeons will even say yes. that they "understand its hard" but I still need to lose weight before they'll do the surgery. i feel like im not enough. im tired of fighting so hard for something they keep denying me. why can't it be easier?

[genderqueerpositivity]

Celebrate trans joy. Our transness is not defined by our suffering, transness is defined by our happiness and authenticity.

[daen7kat]

Aggressive pride flags!

[dadstielkline]

fun facts about sharks

[aubryjoi]

Bundled up 💙

[selfcaremyselfcare]

[em3rg3ncy-backup-deactivated202]

intersex and non-binary solidarity

[mangojuulpoddd]

[i-love-my-trans-body]

love threat letter to any and all transphobes

[afab-advice-help]

You do NOT have to know you’re transgender at 5 years old, you’re still trans if you figured it out at 15. Hell, even 50. There is no deadline, there’s no disqualification because of your age, you’re still transgender.

[nero-the-enby]

Help Trans Person Get Life Saving Surgery, organized by Nero Phoenix

In February of 2017, Nero's GP referred them to The Laurels, a Gender Identity … Nero Phoenix needs your support for Help Trans Person Get Life Saving Surgery

This holiday season the best present anyone could get me is donating to my #GoFundMe! I've got £150 in my ISA which means I'm already half way to getting my first specialist appointment! Please share & tag people who may be able to donate ❤

I'm going to double check the paperwork at some point soon so I know what specific amount I need for specialist appointments, referral letters, etc. Cuz my memory is shit and I cant remember the specifics but I know we're close!

I think I need at least one appointment for a diagnosis of GD with a specialist, then another appointment to get a letter of referral (x2), then I need to choose a surgeon... and the (top) surgery itself is between £6,000-12,000+ depending on the surgeon. I haven't even looked into the costs for the bottom surgery I want yet. Damn this is complicated. I would super appreciate it if anyone who's gone down this path would be able to help/give advice (DM me if you can). This process is long and complicated 😰

[wingkink]

Therapists are just…. Common sense filters

[wingkink]

Me: yeah so I just don’t have the energy to get up and make myself a sandwich or wait for something to cook so I just. Don’t

Her: why don’t you just eat the sandwich components without putting them together

Me:

Her: you can just eat a handful of cheese and some sandwich meat. You don’t have to make a sandwich.

Me:

Me: what

[cyanoticfallacy-deactivated2018]

Therapists finding loopholes for mental illness things is one of my favorite things about dealing with mental illness because it really helps me understand that just because a reaction is Common doesn’t mean it’s Right. Does doing dishes stress you out a lot? Buy paper plates. Do your obsessive thoughts make you worry about leaving your curling iron on so you drive home from work to check? Just put the curling iron in your purse and bring it to work with you while we work on tackling where this worry comes from. Symptom management doesn’t have to look like drudgery.

[ziggyplayedd]

i used to go days without showering because seeing my body was so upsetting that i would end up spiraling and then i realized i could simply turn the lights out. it took some getting used to but i’ve been showering with the lights off for years and it’s now one of my favorite parts of my day.

do whatever you want nothing is real and there’s no need to inflict unnecessary suffering on yourself just to try to seem “normal”

[biyaself]

I love this post

[jettestblack]

Hmmm

[petrichorepoch]

These kinds of loopholes make life so. Much. Better.

[fuckyeahasexual]

One of my favorite stories is this lady had extremely bad OCD. Every day she’d be late to work because she was convinced that her hair dryer was going to burn down the house so would always have to turn around and check it. Multiple times a day even. A bunch of doctors tied to “fix” her of that fear, until one day she got a doctor that suggested she bring the hair dryer with her. Other doctors were annoyed, saying that wasn’t a the correct way to help, but she gave it a go. When she had that fear, she’d look over and see the hair dryer unplugged in the seat next to her and was able to carry on. I think it’s such a perfect example of actually helping someone instead of forcing them into a neurotypical standard.

[eclecticpersonswondersland]

That story helped me stop repeatedly checking if my front door was locked. Instead of checking that the door was locked over and over I would check my security system app. If it’s on it will alert me if the front door opens.

[daughter-of-rowan]

“…actually helping someone instead of forcing them into a neurotypical standard” should be added to the Hippocratic Oath.

[frax-and-co]

To fake something implies a conscious decision you’ve made to pretend.

If you haven’t made that decision,

you aren’t faking it.

If you’re plagued with a fear you’re faking, you literally aren’t.

[nero-the-enby]

Terrified to Transition - 16/09/2019

I am so scared to begin my medical transition. Why? Because I know my BMI is over the required limit for top surgery. I hate BMIs. They’re stupid and fatphobic and ableist and classist as well. The whole thing is bullshit.

But I am so scared that once I do finally get seen by the gender clinic, and am given a consultation and referral for top surgery, they’ll insist I lose weight first. That is the most petrifying worry for me.

I already have huge, complex issues with food - stemming from trauma and ending in an completely inability to diet or control my impulses (thanks BPD). So food changes are off the option list. What else can be changed? Physical activity. While I think this would be the best option, it’s also the option that would cause really intense dysphoria, social anxiety, and would agitate my already shit ankles.

The point is, I don’t believe for a second I could actually lose weight prior to having top surgery. It’s just not possible. The only way I see myself being able (or trying to) lose weight before it would be to starve myself. Which is also a bad option.

With all this in mind, I’m hoping so desperately that I might be allowed to have surgery anyway. I’m hoping that they’ll see my gender dysphoria is ruling and ruining my life, and thus getting top surgery would make me more stable and likely be able to finally F I N A L L Y improve so many aspects of my life.

And if they don’t... I don’t wanna think about that scenario.

[this-is-not-dissociative-archive]

What is the diagnosing criteria for OSDD-1b? I will not use this for self-diagnosing purposes.

I asked something about OSDD-1b and I’m worried it didn’t send because I’m on mobile? Could you maybe check please?

we have your message and i have been contemplating how to answer it. things have been a bit slow on here cuz both Those Interrupted and my system recently started school full time and have been having our own system difficulties. we sincerely apologize for aspects of the blog falling to the wayside. things have been difficult, and it’s been hard to juggle three blogs as a result.

e (SN)

———–

The complete diagnostic criteria for OSDD in the DSM-5 can be found here. Within that criteria are different examples of what presentations fall under OSDD, and these are treated as subtypes of the disorder. The first of these, or OSDD-1, is defined as follows:

1. Chronic and recurrent syndromes of mixed dissociative symptoms: This category includes identity disturbance associated with less-than-marked discontinuities in sense of self and agency, or alterations of identity or episodes of possession in an individual who reports no dissociative amnesia.

By this definition, OSDD-1 is any presentation of chronic and recurrent mixed dissociative symptoms. This is usually used as a blanket category for individuals who present in a similar manner to those with DID but don’t quite meet the full criteria. This can occur in two main ways.

The first discussed, or OSDD-1a, is defined as an “identity disturbance associated with less-than-marked discontinuities in sense of self and agency.” What this refers to is the presence of parts that aren’t fully differentiated. This can mean that the parts present as different versions of the host, the host at different ages, or very simple parts with defined and narrow tasks and limited senses of identity. This can also mean that the parts manifest only through passive influence so as to change how the host views and interacts with the world and the host’s skills and abilities without necessarily changing the host’s sense of identity or self. An individual who suddenly feels and behaves like a six year old when a part is present but doesn’t experience this intrusion as “not them” at the time would fall into this latter category.

The second discussed, or OSDD-1b, is defined as “alterations of identity or episodes of possession in an individual who reports no dissociative amnesia.” This usually refers to the presence of parts or alters who never fully assume control in a way that results in a black out or another form of time loss. Alters in this case could be fully differentiated but unable to fully front or may at all times be co-conscious with the host if they do front. OSDD-1b can also refer to experiences of “possession” that are not accompanied by amnesia. Sometimes, individuals with OSDD-1b do experience dissociative amnesia in the form of fugue/trance states, and they may or may not be amnesiac for their trauma history or for more recent traumas, but this dissociative amnesia is unconnected with alter activities and so usually not considered sufficient for a diagnosis of DID.

An individual can have parts that are less than distinct and are unable to cause time loss. This is one reason why a blanket diagnosis of OSDD-1 is more common.

-Katherine of Those Interrupted