One Wey @nessamazingg - Tumblr Blog

maybe re watching code geass will help this depressive episode.

russiawave

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what’s she celebrating

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she got promoted, shes now top manager!

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I’m proud of her!!

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😞

#selfish

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exceptionals

*makes my kids go on tumblr mobile to teach them patience*

It’s a different type of hurt

Gus’s death may have been so insignificant to others but it hit me hard, which is odd to me. I had always dismissed him along with other “lil” rappers but this year decided to give them all chances. I didn’t even get that into his music until some friends i knew listened to him a lot and decided to dive in more. I was instantly a big fan. The emo nostalgia he brought took me to a different place. I’ve always joked about crying to certain music, but his truly brought me to tears. I woke up one morning after tossing and turning. I was looking at my Instagram where my friend Matt(one of the friends who listening to him a lot) posted a story with his music saying “I wish it wasn’t real” “R.I.P.” I never for one second thought it was him and as soon as i closed his story another friend Djimon posted “This n- was such a kind soul” with Peep’s picture and it instantly clicked. I jumped on twitter and see my timeline flooded with it. I started shaking a little bit and felt this rush of sadness come over me I couldn’t believe it. I was in the restroom for a good 10/15 minutes just going through what had happened along with some people tweets. I walked out of my restroom to tell my husband about his death and just said “I’m sad as fuck....” I had to go on with my day. It was my last week at this department at HEB and didn’t want to call out of work even tho I felt weird. On my way to work I was listening to him knowing I could have seen him live that weekend in Austin but instead went to a Friendsgiving. I cried in the parking lot at work, knowing I’ll never have the chance, knowing he will never have a chance to shine in the spotlight. Through out the day he trended on twitter and his death was controversial because of the drugs he did. After the day of his death I couldn’t listen to his music, I would get too sad. So I sit here listening to Beamer Boy to the point of crying because this young aspiring artist will never have the chance to make it, to be seen as more than a “lil” rapper. It hurts me knowing he’s passed and how he did. I’ll never more music, I’ll never get to anticipate an album as a fan and follow him as I’ve done with some favorites of mine. And he won’t get to experience those things you do as you grow up. Gus, you will stay in my heart forever. And ever. I miss you so much. My only regret is not seeing you live. </3

#personal #music #lil peep

I've never been this depressed. I've heard people say they have days where they can't even get out of bed, and it's was always a crazy thought for me. But here I am, no motivation to get up and do anything. I have so much to do. These last 2 weeks haven't helped. I'd look at my husband and not feel anything, id try to make myself happy but nothing would work. I know I'm not the only one in this world to have this feeling, but can you imagine looking at someone you know you love but not able to feel anything? I was supposed to go to church on Tuesday for my mom and because I wanted to, but when the time came I just wanted to lay in bed and stay in. I know my mom was sad and I know she probably cried and it hurts me. How is it that I can cry and feel bad but i can't feel anything else? Finally yesterday I had a good day, I had felt happiness. It's so ugly knowing that you're happy to be able to feel happy. Feelings are a blessing to me now a days. After a good day I wake up today and find out something small, a small lie but a lie and it just ruined my whole mad and outlook on the other day. I shouldn't have to feel like this. I only think if I should make a call or maybe I just need my mom to get home. I'm conflicted and I just want to be able to feel something other than sadness and guilt.

#personal