Embracing Vulnerability, Combating Shame and Cultivating the Courage to Dare Greatly
Dr. Rauscher makes the compelling call to get in the arena, show up, and live wholeheartedly.
By: Megan McDermott
“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly… who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly.” ~ Theodore Roosevelt
The above quote is the inspiration to Dr. Brené Brown’s thought-provoking book: Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead. Neumann’s most recent NU on Tap on October 8th focused on the fascinating topics of vulnerability, shame, wholehearted living and ‘daring greatly.’ Inspired by Brown’s epic book, these topics were meaningfully brought to life by Dr. Marisa Rauscher, or Dr. R, as most of you know her by. Integrity is the 2015-2016 theme for the University, and it was this very theme that shined through during her thought-provoking discussion.
Dr. R chose to delve into these particular topics because she was inspired by Brown’s insights and how they relate to the challenges faced by young people today. She offered some insight and voice about the evening. "The October 8th NUonTAP was a gift. It allowed me to share my thoughts on Brown's work regarding vulnerability' and 'feelings of inadequacy'; I found the students to be generous in the conversation and willing to deeply consider paths to living a more 'wholehearted' life. I always underestimate the power of connectivity and relationship -- the NU students really know how to dare greatly by actively leaning in."
Today, we live in the scarcity culture of “never enough.” We face constant messages from multiple sources about how we should and should not act, how we should look and what we need to buy. With these continually bombarding messages: “Am I pretty enough?” “Skinny enough?” “Cool enough?” ”Successful enough?” “Smart enough?” “Perfect enough?” The culture of scarcity thrives in an environment where everyone is aware of lack. This constant comparing and assessing of our lives to unattainable, media-inspired ideals of perfection, leads to feelings of unworthiness, shame and disengagement. For young people, the messages are especially afflicting. Pressure to conform to a consumerist celebrity culture, all while navigating through the process of growing up, school, work, emotions, relationships, and trying to find our place in the world, is an enormous mental, emotional, and spiritual challenge.
In response to the culture, we numb. This numbing emerges in various ways for each person. Whether it be cynicism, addiction, emotional withdrawal, perfectionism, or materialism, all of these numbing factors cut us off from being able to authentically connect with others and to living full, wholehearted lives.
“Dr. Rauscher raised some amazing points about vulnerability that we don’t tend to really think or talk about. I think we all have insecurities that we are dealing with on a daily basis and we wonder...is it us? Am I this imperfect thing? Maybe God is not paying attention to me? The things that she was pointing out... were things that everyone goes through. Those imperfections, are what make us who we are and we have to not only live with them but embrace them to live this concept of a wholehearted life. I think that was what really related to folks that night. People are still talking about it. We were blessed to have her.” ~ Patrick MacKenzie, Campus Ministry
By embracing our vulnerability, and by showing up to let our real, authentic selves be seen, we can open up a door to living wholeheartedly. We don’t need to numb. We are enough. Imperfect, yes. But this is beautiful and fascinating. Our vulnerabilities are what make us human; failing and learning from failure is all a part of the human experience. We learn and transform from our mistakes. Daring Greatly means having the courage to embrace this very real part of ourselves.
It doesn’t matter what we have done in the past or what our background is. We can converse on our experiences because we are all imperfect and this is beautiful. This is what makes us human. When young people are aware of this reality...it becomes ok to open up, to be vulnerable, and to try. It enables us to own our growth and learning.
The conversation then delved into the concept of gratitude and how the cultivation of it into our lives has the power to transform the way we live and interact with others and the world around us. When we are grateful for what we have, for all that we have been given, even if it may be very little or simple, it encourages us to embrace the path of a growth mindset. Gratitude, along with trust and faith, are poignant catalysts for living authentically
During the discussion, Dr. R provided a brilliant example of what it truly looks like to embrace vulnerability and Dare Greatly. If you are familiar with the 1989 movie Say Anything, than you may be familiar with the character of Lloyd Dobler. Noble underachiever Lloyd dares greatly many times throughout the film, but his most epic daring feat is is when he bares his soul and authentically explains his life goals to the girl of his dreams’ father at a family dinner. To really get a grasp of this you must watch the scene. Here is a link to Lloyd’s epic greatness: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VEgu7jdc_fs Check it out. I dare you.
I also dare you to read Brene Brown’s epic book: Daring Greatly. It may change your perspective on how you embrace and view those hard and awkward moments in your life. It without a doubt did for me. It doesn’t matter what we have done in the past or what our background is. We can converse on our experiences because we are all imperfect and this is beautiful. This is what makes us human. I think that when young people are aware of this reality...it becomes ok to open up, to be vulnerable, to try no matter what. It enables us to own our growth and our learning. We are not afraid to try because we are not afraid to fail. It is in these moments...when something resonates with you, touches you, or opens up something that you didn’t realize before...that meaning is created. Find the things that are universal to all of us. Find those things and then experience it together.
“To put our art, our writing, our photography, our ideas out into the world with no assurance of acceptance or appreciation - that’s vulnerability….to let ourselves sink into the joyful moments of our lives even though we know that they are fleeting, - that’s an intense form of vulnerability.” ~ Brené Brown
The discussion ended with Dr. R talking about how this epic topic of Daring Greatly directly connects to the theme of Integrity. Today, we view integrity as a personal choice to uphold oneself to consistent moral and ethical standards. However, integrity taken from the Latin root word integer, means something much more tangible: to have integrity means to be complete. Integrity is that inner sense of "wholeness" drawing from qualities of honesty and consistency of character. This is wholehearted living in its purest form.
Dr. Rauscher had the courage to pitch Brown’s ideas, to implement and articulate the thought-provoking topics, and to challenge us all to embrace our vulnerabilities, own our stories, and Dare Greatly by living wholeheartedly. What an epic way to cultivate Integrity into all of our lives.