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Claire Keane
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@nevermacdown
↳INSTAGRAM: @d.sterling uploaded a photo:
a girl whose name rhymes with tribeca watched me load this photo up and immediately unfollowed me. huh! weird! @heathhudson
@maconthego: In the same room as you? Ballsy.
@maconthego: The photo is fucking cute, though.
↳INSTAGRAM: @jamesyhan11 uploaded a photo:
I don’t like to encourage paparazzi but I have to admit, this is a pretty funny photo! Lol! 😆
@maconthego: One of the campers printed this out and put it on their bedroom wall, just so you know.
↳INSTAGRAM: @asspeenlol uploaded a photo:
Summer so far.
@maconthego: Fucking love doing Summer with you, man.
@maconthego: Gonna put that picture of you and James in a little heart shaped locket, by the way.
He nodded absently, his heartbeat not quite slowing, but the thumping in his chest becoming much more manageable. Ellie was making her intentions clear, letting Reid know he wasn’t insane for assuming she wanted him. She wanted this to happen too.
The corners of his mouth picked up, trying to reassure her right back with a smile.
“Touch yourself?” he asked, as blunt as possible. If this was what they were doing, he needed to know the parameters, or else he’d go insane.
“I can show you. But if it gets too much, ever… you gotta tell me, sugar.”
The moment Reid put words to it, Ellie felt herself go wobbly. Even if she was the one touching herself, it still felt scary, exhilarating, and a whole lot sexy to know he'd be involved somehow.
"Mhm, yeah. That. You could show me what... Other girls like, I guess?" She crinkled her nose. No, she didn't care what other girls liked. She didn't want to know what Reid got up to with those girls. She wanted him to make her feel good. "No, um. What I like. You could... I think you could make me..."
She trailed off, embarrassed. You could make me come. You could make me orgasm. They were both adults, they knew what she meant.
"Hey, of course. I'll be honest with you," she nodded eagerly, her hand still cupping his cheek. She leaned forward to press a kiss to his cheek, chaste and wholly innocent, her heart racing as her lips accidentally brushed the corner of his mouth.
"Sorry," she laughed, as though they hadn't been discussing something far filthier.
He scanned Ellie’s face for any indication he’d gone too far. If he had even the faintest idea he’d made her uncomfortable, he would back off, walk away, pretend they’d never had this conversation. It would be awkward and awful and Reid wasn’t sure their friendship would ever be the same, but he’d do it.
He let out a long, slow breath when he realised he wouldn’t have to.
“Yeah.” he said, throat thick and voice dangerously low. “I think I could.”
His heart picked up in the way it only did when Ellie was near. He held himself as still as possible, or else he’d do something stupid like lean in and deepen the kiss, pull her closer, or say something stupid.
“Don’t be.” he said. Stupidly. “I could get used to this.”
This fucking woman was going to be the death of him. Not only was she propositioning that he be allowed to let all of his dirtiest, most delightful daydreams come to light, she was halfway to riding his goddamn thigh. He bit off the choked moan that built in the back of his throat, trying not to overthink just what it all meant. He’d succeeded in turning Ellie on. Which, maybe wasn’t an overwhelming success, given she’d spent her whole night presumably playing scrabble with her new buddy Cody.
His cheeks flared as he moved to hold her hip steady, fingers digging into her skin. Maybe he was actually keeping himself steady. Who knew?
“I’m sorry.” he started, talking quicker than he’d ever heard himself in his life. “I just… I’m scared I’m misreading the signals here, El. But… yeah, I would want to.”
Did Reid know exactly what he was doing? Hadn't it been his hand on her hip that had driven her wild only moments before, and now his grip was tighter, firmer. There was something to be said for the way her dress had rucked up around her thighs, his fingers digging into the fabric as he either tried to encourage or dissuade her from the thoughts inside her head. She couldn't be sure.
"You're not. It's okay, baby." She reassured him, her hand sliding from his shoulders to his cheek, cupping his skin as she smiled up at him.
Her heart was racing at a mile a minute, and she simply nodded along with his words, hardly able to believe it. He wanted to. He wanted her. There was no reality in which Ellie could have thought it possible that a man like Reid might be attracted to her enough to want something like that.
"Maybe we could... Sometimes, maybe... You could show me how to..." Her throat was dry and she felt ridiculous, words catching in her throat. Reid did this sort of thing all the time, so why was it so difficult? "I trust you."
He nodded absently, his heartbeat not quite slowing, but the thumping in his chest becoming much more manageable. Ellie was making her intentions clear, letting Reid know he wasn’t insane for assuming she wanted him. She wanted this to happen too.
The corners of his mouth picked up, trying to reassure her right back with a smile.
“Touch yourself?” he asked, as blunt as possible. If this was what they were doing, he needed to know the parameters, or else he’d go insane.
“I can show you. But if it gets too much, ever… you gotta tell me, sugar.”
Reid let his forehead rest against hers, eyelids fluttering shut as he attempted to regain his composure. Ellie said it was flattering, but would she if she really knew all the crude, filthy thoughts running through his head? There were sweet ones too, Reid interlocking his fingers with hers, his hand cradling the back of her head so she didn’t hit it off the headboard. He tried even harder not to romanticise these fantasies he had about Ellie, like that was a step even further.
“What are you saying to me right now?” he breathed, laughter chasing the edge of his words. “What are you fuckin’ doing to me right now?“
He squeezed her hip gently, eyes glancing towards the door, still slightly ajar.
“Now?” he asked, voice pitched slightly too high.
Ellie laughed with him, completely unprepared. She had no idea how to answer him because she simply didn't know. A sharp sound escaped her when she felt him squeeze her hip, and she wasn't proud of it.
"Oh," she murmured, shifting her weight, moving to clamp her legs shut. She'd forgotten how she'd tangled the two of them together, instead feeling the light pressure of Reid's thigh between her legs. She gasped, blushing. "OH."
Her whole body felt as though it was on fire, and she covered her face with her hands, suddenly feeling light headed.
"No! I mean, I don't know?" She gasped, surprised by his new line of questioning. It seemed like Reid had jumped from being horrified at her suggestion to already lining out the time, date and location. He hadn't even entertained the idea yet, not out loud.
"I mean, is that something you'd... I don't know. Would you want to...?"
This fucking woman was going to be the death of him. Not only was she propositioning that he be allowed to let all of his dirtiest, most delightful daydreams come to light, she was halfway to riding his goddamn thigh. He bit off the choked moan that built in the back of his throat, trying not to overthink just what it all meant. He’d succeeded in turning Ellie on. Which, maybe wasn’t an overwhelming success, given she’d spent her whole night presumably playing scrabble with her new buddy Cody.
His cheeks flared as he moved to hold her hip steady, fingers digging into her skin. Maybe he was actually keeping himself steady. Who knew?
“I’m sorry.” he started, talking quicker than he’d ever heard himself in his life. “I just… I’m scared I’m misreading the signals here, El. But… yeah, I would want to.”
Reid’s throat was dry, the air thick and hot as Ellie nestled closer, always unwilling to give Reid the space he needed to get over her. Whether that be a minute or a lifetime. Instead, he watched the way her lips parted, pretty and pink and too fucking inviting. He was a goner.
“Yes.” he choked out, guilt coursing through him. “I try not to. But sometimes I do.”
He let Ellie pull him closer, every movement sheer agony as she slid her leg between his own. Her hands on his broad shoulders. Too close and not close enough. His hand skirted the curve of her hip.
“Nice boys won’t do the things I want to do to you.” he breathed, tilting his head to kiss the tip of her nose. He wanted her to know he was still sincere, that he hasn’t lost his mind entirely and surrendered to all the whims of his cock.
“But I would be nice to you.”
Ellie couldn't believe what she was hearing, but she didn't hate it. In fact, she was surprising herself with just how much she wanted it.
"I don't mind," she told him, a shy smile on her lips. She meant it. She'd told Reid already that she'd thought of these things before, even if she'd never done anything about it. It only seemed fair that he thought of her that way too, right? "It's kind of... flattering?"
Her eyes widened at his words, a thrill shooting through her spine. He hadn't said the things he could do to her, but the things he wanted. That had to count for something, right? A nervous, breathy giggle escaped her at the light kiss to her nose, and she felt herself squirming, heat building readily between her thighs.
"Would you show me?" She ventured, heart pounding. "If I asked, would you... teach me?"
Reid let his forehead rest against hers, eyelids fluttering shut as he attempted to regain his composure. Ellie said it was flattering, but would she if she really knew all the crude, filthy thoughts running through his head? There were sweet ones too, Reid interlocking his fingers with hers, his hand cradling the back of her head so she didn’t hit it off the headboard. He tried even harder not to romanticise these fantasies he had about Ellie, like that was a step even further.
“What are you saying to me right now?” he breathed, laughter chasing the edge of his words. “What are you fuckin’ doing to me right now?“
He squeezed her hip gently, eyes glancing towards the door, still slightly ajar.
“Now?” he asked, voice pitched slightly too high.
Reid couldn’t imagine tamping down his innate lust. Not that he was some kind of sex addict. He had sex, and often. He liked to fuck and he liked to think he was good at it. He’d grown up with a very healthy approach to his own desire. And here was Ellie, repressed and awkward and in dire need of help.
But that wasn’t Reid’s place.
“You could… google it? Watch some videos, or something?” his nose wrinkled at the suggestion. Ellie. Watching cheaply made, poorly acted porn. Alright.
“I dunno. You just gotta.” he held up two fingers in mid air, crooking them slightly, hoping to at least make her laugh. “Figure out what you like.”
This time, Ellie didn't even attempt to hide the look of horror on her face. She groaned loudly, her hands flying up to cover her face as she whined, "Reid! I am not watching porn!"
The thought of it made her shiver, and before she knew it her whole body was wriggling dramatically as she tried to shake off the thought of it, distracting them both with her playful antics. She thought she was finally relaxing when she saw Reid's fingers, and her jaw dropped.
"You want me to put those inside of me? And do that?!" Ellie gasped, before hearing her own words echoed back to her. "Mine! Not yours. I mean, obviously you don't want yours inside of me. Wow. Please can I stop talking."
Reid would laugh if it wasn’t so entirely, utterly humiliating. The look on her face was funny, don’t get him wrong, but the conversation was one Reid could have done without. They’d been friends for over a decade, and had happily steered all conversations away from the… intimate. Mostly to preserve Reid’s sanity. Until now.
He spluttered, dropping his hand. He could steadily feel his whole face turning bright red. Maybe his chest too. Fuck. Yep, he was on fire.
“I wasn’t suggesting that!” he scrambled for an excuse, trying to look anywhere but Ellie’s hands, or her face. Or at Ellie at all. “I’m not… Yours will be less intense. It was just a suggestion.”
Ellie’s forehead crinkled in confusion, her lips parted as she tried to make sense of what he was saying.
“Mine will be less intense? What does that mean?” She flushed, embarrassed she even had to ask.
She fell quiet for a moment, heart racing as warmth spread down to her stomach and much… much lower. Sex was not the sort of thing she and Reid talked about, and now she felt totally cuckoo crazy pants, cuddled against his chest and having him talk to her about… sticking her fingers… inside places! Places no fingers had ever been before! She shot him a glance and immediately melted at the sight of him.
“Aw, sugar. You’re blushing,” she giggled, rolling over to face him. She shuffled closed, hoping their familiar casualness might help calm her, and lifted a hand to cup his cheek.
“Just that… they won’t be as… big and… you know, you won’t be as nervous. And…”
If there was a God, Reid hoped He was listening. Because if He was, there was a high chance that lightning might strike directly through their third floor apartment window and strike him dead, effectively ending this conversation with Ellie.
“No, m’not.” he mumbled, despite the fact he could feel his cheeks burning up. Ellie’s hand was cool to the touch, and he was red all over.
“If it helps… I am also blushing,” Ellie teased, her voice barely above a whisper.
Her gaze flitted involuntarily to his lips for a moment and she surprised herself. She and Reid didn’t have that sort of friendship, but it was hard not to be flustered when your best friend was talking about… that.
“How can someone as confident as you be so nervous right now? It’s not like you’d ever wanna…” she cut herself off, eyes widening. Would it be such a terrible idea? “I mean… would you?”
“You’re always blushing.” he breathed, dropping his voice to match hers. Cuddled up with her on the sofa gave him the same feeling as pulling the blankets over your head, locked in their own private world.
“‘Cause pretty girls make me nervous.” he laughed, watching as her eyes scanned his face. Was she looking at his mouth? Surely not.
Time slowed down as he slid his hand into her hair. It felt like he was threading through molasses, ears plugged up as he struggled to make sense of her words. Because she couldn’t be…
“Have sex with you?” he asked, uncertainty coating his words. “Ellie...”
He paused.
“You’re beautiful.” he said. A non-answer, because he couldn’t bring himself to say anything less damning.
She couldn’t make sense of it. She didn’t make Reid nervous because she was just… Ellie. He always told her she was pretty or beautiful, always made sure to compliment her and lift her spirits, but it never made her feel like this.
“Are you saying I make you nervous?” Ellie hummed softly as she leaned into his touch, enjoying his hands in her hair. She didn’t mean anything by her words, said mostly in jest, but her tone didn’t quite match her intention. She was caught up in the softness of how he was holding her, the pretty shade of pink that coated his cheeks as he looked at her.
Time stood still.
“What? I just… I didn’t mean….” She bit her lip, nervous. What had she meant? She wasn’t sure. Her ears were burning and her heart was racing, pressed up against him she was surprised he couldn’t feel it. Maybe he could?
“I’m not… sexy, though. I’m not the sort of girl who guys…” She shrugged, lost for words.
Reid didn’t ever have to wonder if Ellie knew the power she had over him. She was blissfully unaware, and that’s maybe why her hold on him was so much stronger. She was unselfish with her love, her touches, no ulterior motive. As far as she was aware, he loved him the exact way he loved her. Which is why she never had to second guess herself. Not like him.
“Very nervous.” he said, twirling a strand of blonde hair around one finger. “Not all the time. But now? Very much so.”
He smiled, despite the fizzing in his belly. It was the good kind of nerves, like scaling a brand new rock face or jumping into a foreign body of water, not knowing what was underneath the surface.
“I think you’re sexy, Ellie.” he blurted out, unable to stop himself now he’d started. “I’m guys. And I think you’re unbelievably sexy.”
Ellie eyed him curiously, a lump forming in her throat that she nervously swallowed down. Her insides were on fire, her legs had turned to jelly. It was insane, totally crazy and seriously inappropriate of her, but she felt… aroused.
“You could have any girl you wanted,” she noted, though her eyes never left his. Maybe he could, maybe that’s why this was perfect. It wouldn’t have to mean anything to him.
A soft gasp escaped her, immediately followed by a nervous giggle. She felt shy, unsure of herself. Had Reid always thought that? He was a guy, she supposed. She’d never been oblivious to how handsome he was, so how different was it?
“Yeah, well. I bet you could show me a thing or two,” she half-joked. It would never happen – it should never happen – but what would be the harm? She was a mother, yet she didn’t even know how to masturbate. It was outrageous.
Reid swallowed back the urge to say the obvious. But I want you. It was fucking cheesy, for a start. Like something a young Hugh Grant might say, hair flopping all over the place. And secondly, it revealed far too much. He could never say that to her, even if he wanted to.
“You’re my best friend.” he said, half to remind himself of the boundaries he’d built up, brick by brick. “Why would I want any other girl?”
Still too earnest.
His thumb brushed the nape of her neck, grounding himself as the sound of her giggle went, unfortunately, straight to his cock. He couldn’t entertain this with Ellie. He wanted her too much, and had for far too long.
“The things I could show you...” he smirked, not trusting himself to finish that thought. Were they still kidding? Reid adjusted himself on the couch, angling his hips backward.
“You should find a nice boy to show you all those things.”
Ellie’s lips parted, her mouth dry and her heart beating overtime. Had Reid always been this sexy? Sure, he was handsome. She’d thought about it from time to time, when they’d cuddled for too long and she’d felt the press of something hard and sturdy against her thigh. Lonely nights when he was away and all she had to keep her company were shirtless photos plastered all over his Instagram stories or the sound of his voice, low and gravelly, when he phoned her before bed.
“Have you ever thought about it before?” She blurted out, unable to stop herself.
As Reid leaned away from her, her own body seemed to follow. She tangled their legs together, her hand sliding up his chest and around his shoulders. Their noses brushed and she smiled, enjoying the familiarity of it, the innocence amidst the madness.
“I already know a nice boy,” she pointed out. “One I trust more than anybody.”
Reid’s throat was dry, the air thick and hot as Ellie nestled closer, always unwilling to give Reid the space he needed to get over her. Whether that be a minute or a lifetime. Instead, he watched the way her lips parted, pretty and pink and too fucking inviting. He was a goner.
“Yes.” he choked out, guilt coursing through him. “I try not to. But sometimes I do.”
He let Ellie pull him closer, every movement sheer agony as she slid her leg between his own. Her hands on his broad shoulders. Too close and not close enough. His hand skirted the curve of her hip.
“Nice boys won’t do the things I want to do to you.” he breathed, tilting his head to kiss the tip of her nose. He wanted her to know he was still sincere, that he hasn’t lost his mind entirely and surrendered to all the whims of his cock.
“But I would be nice to you.”
Reid couldn’t imagine tamping down his innate lust. Not that he was some kind of sex addict. He had sex, and often. He liked to fuck and he liked to think he was good at it. He’d grown up with a very healthy approach to his own desire. And here was Ellie, repressed and awkward and in dire need of help.
But that wasn’t Reid’s place.
“You could… google it? Watch some videos, or something?” his nose wrinkled at the suggestion. Ellie. Watching cheaply made, poorly acted porn. Alright.
“I dunno. You just gotta.” he held up two fingers in mid air, crooking them slightly, hoping to at least make her laugh. “Figure out what you like.”
This time, Ellie didn't even attempt to hide the look of horror on her face. She groaned loudly, her hands flying up to cover her face as she whined, "Reid! I am not watching porn!"
The thought of it made her shiver, and before she knew it her whole body was wriggling dramatically as she tried to shake off the thought of it, distracting them both with her playful antics. She thought she was finally relaxing when she saw Reid's fingers, and her jaw dropped.
"You want me to put those inside of me? And do that?!" Ellie gasped, before hearing her own words echoed back to her. "Mine! Not yours. I mean, obviously you don't want yours inside of me. Wow. Please can I stop talking."
Reid would laugh if it wasn’t so entirely, utterly humiliating. The look on her face was funny, don’t get him wrong, but the conversation was one Reid could have done without. They’d been friends for over a decade, and had happily steered all conversations away from the… intimate. Mostly to preserve Reid’s sanity. Until now.
He spluttered, dropping his hand. He could steadily feel his whole face turning bright red. Maybe his chest too. Fuck. Yep, he was on fire.
“I wasn’t suggesting that!” he scrambled for an excuse, trying to look anywhere but Ellie’s hands, or her face. Or at Ellie at all. “I’m not… Yours will be less intense. It was just a suggestion.”
Ellie’s forehead crinkled in confusion, her lips parted as she tried to make sense of what he was saying.
“Mine will be less intense? What does that mean?” She flushed, embarrassed she even had to ask.
She fell quiet for a moment, heart racing as warmth spread down to her stomach and much… much lower. Sex was not the sort of thing she and Reid talked about, and now she felt totally cuckoo crazy pants, cuddled against his chest and having him talk to her about… sticking her fingers… inside places! Places no fingers had ever been before! She shot him a glance and immediately melted at the sight of him.
“Aw, sugar. You’re blushing,” she giggled, rolling over to face him. She shuffled closed, hoping their familiar casualness might help calm her, and lifted a hand to cup his cheek.
“Just that… they won’t be as… big and… you know, you won’t be as nervous. And…”
If there was a God, Reid hoped He was listening. Because if He was, there was a high chance that lightning might strike directly through their third floor apartment window and strike him dead, effectively ending this conversation with Ellie.
“No, m’not.” he mumbled, despite the fact he could feel his cheeks burning up. Ellie’s hand was cool to the touch, and he was red all over.
“If it helps… I am also blushing,” Ellie teased, her voice barely above a whisper.
Her gaze flitted involuntarily to his lips for a moment and she surprised herself. She and Reid didn’t have that sort of friendship, but it was hard not to be flustered when your best friend was talking about… that.
“How can someone as confident as you be so nervous right now? It’s not like you’d ever wanna…” she cut herself off, eyes widening. Would it be such a terrible idea? “I mean… would you?”
“You’re always blushing.” he breathed, dropping his voice to match hers. Cuddled up with her on the sofa gave him the same feeling as pulling the blankets over your head, locked in their own private world.
“‘Cause pretty girls make me nervous.” he laughed, watching as her eyes scanned his face. Was she looking at his mouth? Surely not.
Time slowed down as he slid his hand into her hair. It felt like he was threading through molasses, ears plugged up as he struggled to make sense of her words. Because she couldn’t be…
“Have sex with you?” he asked, uncertainty coating his words. “Ellie...”
He paused.
“You’re beautiful.” he said. A non-answer, because he couldn’t bring himself to say anything less damning.
She couldn’t make sense of it. She didn’t make Reid nervous because she was just… Ellie. He always told her she was pretty or beautiful, always made sure to compliment her and lift her spirits, but it never made her feel like this.
“Are you saying I make you nervous?” Ellie hummed softly as she leaned into his touch, enjoying his hands in her hair. She didn’t mean anything by her words, said mostly in jest, but her tone didn’t quite match her intention. She was caught up in the softness of how he was holding her, the pretty shade of pink that coated his cheeks as he looked at her.
Time stood still.
“What? I just… I didn’t mean….” She bit her lip, nervous. What had she meant? She wasn’t sure. Her ears were burning and her heart was racing, pressed up against him she was surprised he couldn’t feel it. Maybe he could?
“I’m not… sexy, though. I’m not the sort of girl who guys…” She shrugged, lost for words.
Reid didn’t ever have to wonder if Ellie knew the power she had over him. She was blissfully unaware, and that’s maybe why her hold on him was so much stronger. She was unselfish with her love, her touches, no ulterior motive. As far as she was aware, he loved him the exact way he loved her. Which is why she never had to second guess herself. Not like him.
“Very nervous.” he said, twirling a strand of blonde hair around one finger. “Not all the time. But now? Very much so.”
He smiled, despite the fizzing in his belly. It was the good kind of nerves, like scaling a brand new rock face or jumping into a foreign body of water, not knowing what was underneath the surface.
“I think you’re sexy, Ellie.” he blurted out, unable to stop himself now he’d started. “I’m guys. And I think you’re unbelievably sexy.”
Ellie eyed him curiously, a lump forming in her throat that she nervously swallowed down. Her insides were on fire, her legs had turned to jelly. It was insane, totally crazy and seriously inappropriate of her, but she felt… aroused.
“You could have any girl you wanted,” she noted, though her eyes never left his. Maybe he could, maybe that’s why this was perfect. It wouldn’t have to mean anything to him.
A soft gasp escaped her, immediately followed by a nervous giggle. She felt shy, unsure of herself. Had Reid always thought that? He was a guy, she supposed. She’d never been oblivious to how handsome he was, so how different was it?
“Yeah, well. I bet you could show me a thing or two,” she half-joked. It would never happen – it should never happen – but what would be the harm? She was a mother, yet she didn’t even know how to masturbate. It was outrageous.
Reid swallowed back the urge to say the obvious. But I want you. It was fucking cheesy, for a start. Like something a young Hugh Grant might say, hair flopping all over the place. And secondly, it revealed far too much. He could never say that to her, even if he wanted to.
“You’re my best friend.” he said, half to remind himself of the boundaries he’d built up, brick by brick. “Why would I want any other girl?”
Still too earnest.
His thumb brushed the nape of her neck, grounding himself as the sound of her giggle went, unfortunately, straight to his cock. He couldn’t entertain this with Ellie. He wanted her too much, and had for far too long.
“The things I could show you...” he smirked, not trusting himself to finish that thought. Were they still kidding? Reid adjusted himself on the couch, angling his hips backward.
“You should find a nice boy to show you all those things.”
Reid couldn’t imagine tamping down his innate lust. Not that he was some kind of sex addict. He had sex, and often. He liked to fuck and he liked to think he was good at it. He’d grown up with a very healthy approach to his own desire. And here was Ellie, repressed and awkward and in dire need of help.
But that wasn’t Reid’s place.
“You could… google it? Watch some videos, or something?” his nose wrinkled at the suggestion. Ellie. Watching cheaply made, poorly acted porn. Alright.
“I dunno. You just gotta.” he held up two fingers in mid air, crooking them slightly, hoping to at least make her laugh. “Figure out what you like.”
This time, Ellie didn't even attempt to hide the look of horror on her face. She groaned loudly, her hands flying up to cover her face as she whined, "Reid! I am not watching porn!"
The thought of it made her shiver, and before she knew it her whole body was wriggling dramatically as she tried to shake off the thought of it, distracting them both with her playful antics. She thought she was finally relaxing when she saw Reid's fingers, and her jaw dropped.
"You want me to put those inside of me? And do that?!" Ellie gasped, before hearing her own words echoed back to her. "Mine! Not yours. I mean, obviously you don't want yours inside of me. Wow. Please can I stop talking."
Reid would laugh if it wasn’t so entirely, utterly humiliating. The look on her face was funny, don’t get him wrong, but the conversation was one Reid could have done without. They’d been friends for over a decade, and had happily steered all conversations away from the… intimate. Mostly to preserve Reid’s sanity. Until now.
He spluttered, dropping his hand. He could steadily feel his whole face turning bright red. Maybe his chest too. Fuck. Yep, he was on fire.
“I wasn’t suggesting that!” he scrambled for an excuse, trying to look anywhere but Ellie’s hands, or her face. Or at Ellie at all. “I’m not… Yours will be less intense. It was just a suggestion.”
Ellie’s forehead crinkled in confusion, her lips parted as she tried to make sense of what he was saying.
“Mine will be less intense? What does that mean?” She flushed, embarrassed she even had to ask.
She fell quiet for a moment, heart racing as warmth spread down to her stomach and much… much lower. Sex was not the sort of thing she and Reid talked about, and now she felt totally cuckoo crazy pants, cuddled against his chest and having him talk to her about… sticking her fingers… inside places! Places no fingers had ever been before! She shot him a glance and immediately melted at the sight of him.
“Aw, sugar. You’re blushing,” she giggled, rolling over to face him. She shuffled closed, hoping their familiar casualness might help calm her, and lifted a hand to cup his cheek.
“Just that… they won’t be as… big and… you know, you won’t be as nervous. And…”
If there was a God, Reid hoped He was listening. Because if He was, there was a high chance that lightning might strike directly through their third floor apartment window and strike him dead, effectively ending this conversation with Ellie.
“No, m’not.” he mumbled, despite the fact he could feel his cheeks burning up. Ellie’s hand was cool to the touch, and he was red all over.
“If it helps… I am also blushing,” Ellie teased, her voice barely above a whisper.
Her gaze flitted involuntarily to his lips for a moment and she surprised herself. She and Reid didn’t have that sort of friendship, but it was hard not to be flustered when your best friend was talking about… that.
“How can someone as confident as you be so nervous right now? It’s not like you’d ever wanna…” she cut herself off, eyes widening. Would it be such a terrible idea? “I mean… would you?”
“You’re always blushing.” he breathed, dropping his voice to match hers. Cuddled up with her on the sofa gave him the same feeling as pulling the blankets over your head, locked in their own private world.
“‘Cause pretty girls make me nervous.” he laughed, watching as her eyes scanned his face. Was she looking at his mouth? Surely not.
Time slowed down as he slid his hand into her hair. It felt like he was threading through molasses, ears plugged up as he struggled to make sense of her words. Because she couldn’t be…
“Have sex with you?” he asked, uncertainty coating his words. “Ellie...”
He paused.
“You’re beautiful.” he said. A non-answer, because he couldn’t bring himself to say anything less damning.
She couldn’t make sense of it. She didn’t make Reid nervous because she was just… Ellie. He always told her she was pretty or beautiful, always made sure to compliment her and lift her spirits, but it never made her feel like this.
“Are you saying I make you nervous?” Ellie hummed softly as she leaned into his touch, enjoying his hands in her hair. She didn’t mean anything by her words, said mostly in jest, but her tone didn’t quite match her intention. She was caught up in the softness of how he was holding her, the pretty shade of pink that coated his cheeks as he looked at her.
Time stood still.
“What? I just… I didn’t mean….” She bit her lip, nervous. What had she meant? She wasn’t sure. Her ears were burning and her heart was racing, pressed up against him she was surprised he couldn’t feel it. Maybe he could?
“I’m not… sexy, though. I’m not the sort of girl who guys…” She shrugged, lost for words.
Reid didn’t ever have to wonder if Ellie knew the power she had over him. She was blissfully unaware, and that’s maybe why her hold on him was so much stronger. She was unselfish with her love, her touches, no ulterior motive. As far as she was aware, he loved him the exact way he loved her. Which is why she never had to second guess herself. Not like him.
“Very nervous.” he said, twirling a strand of blonde hair around one finger. “Not all the time. But now? Very much so.”
He smiled, despite the fizzing in his belly. It was the good kind of nerves, like scaling a brand new rock face or jumping into a foreign body of water, not knowing what was underneath the surface.
“I think you’re sexy, Ellie.” he blurted out, unable to stop himself now he’d started. “I’m guys. And I think you’re unbelievably sexy.”
Reid couldn’t imagine tamping down his innate lust. Not that he was some kind of sex addict. He had sex, and often. He liked to fuck and he liked to think he was good at it. He’d grown up with a very healthy approach to his own desire. And here was Ellie, repressed and awkward and in dire need of help.
But that wasn’t Reid’s place.
“You could… google it? Watch some videos, or something?” his nose wrinkled at the suggestion. Ellie. Watching cheaply made, poorly acted porn. Alright.
“I dunno. You just gotta.” he held up two fingers in mid air, crooking them slightly, hoping to at least make her laugh. “Figure out what you like.”
This time, Ellie didn't even attempt to hide the look of horror on her face. She groaned loudly, her hands flying up to cover her face as she whined, "Reid! I am not watching porn!"
The thought of it made her shiver, and before she knew it her whole body was wriggling dramatically as she tried to shake off the thought of it, distracting them both with her playful antics. She thought she was finally relaxing when she saw Reid's fingers, and her jaw dropped.
"You want me to put those inside of me? And do that?!" Ellie gasped, before hearing her own words echoed back to her. "Mine! Not yours. I mean, obviously you don't want yours inside of me. Wow. Please can I stop talking."
Reid would laugh if it wasn’t so entirely, utterly humiliating. The look on her face was funny, don’t get him wrong, but the conversation was one Reid could have done without. They’d been friends for over a decade, and had happily steered all conversations away from the… intimate. Mostly to preserve Reid’s sanity. Until now.
He spluttered, dropping his hand. He could steadily feel his whole face turning bright red. Maybe his chest too. Fuck. Yep, he was on fire.
“I wasn’t suggesting that!” he scrambled for an excuse, trying to look anywhere but Ellie’s hands, or her face. Or at Ellie at all. “I’m not… Yours will be less intense. It was just a suggestion.”
Ellie’s forehead crinkled in confusion, her lips parted as she tried to make sense of what he was saying.
“Mine will be less intense? What does that mean?” She flushed, embarrassed she even had to ask.
She fell quiet for a moment, heart racing as warmth spread down to her stomach and much… much lower. Sex was not the sort of thing she and Reid talked about, and now she felt totally cuckoo crazy pants, cuddled against his chest and having him talk to her about… sticking her fingers… inside places! Places no fingers had ever been before! She shot him a glance and immediately melted at the sight of him.
“Aw, sugar. You’re blushing,” she giggled, rolling over to face him. She shuffled closed, hoping their familiar casualness might help calm her, and lifted a hand to cup his cheek.
“Just that… they won’t be as… big and… you know, you won’t be as nervous. And…”
If there was a God, Reid hoped He was listening. Because if He was, there was a high chance that lightning might strike directly through their third floor apartment window and strike him dead, effectively ending this conversation with Ellie.
“No, m’not.” he mumbled, despite the fact he could feel his cheeks burning up. Ellie’s hand was cool to the touch, and he was red all over.
“If it helps… I am also blushing,” Ellie teased, her voice barely above a whisper.
Her gaze flitted involuntarily to his lips for a moment and she surprised herself. She and Reid didn’t have that sort of friendship, but it was hard not to be flustered when your best friend was talking about… that.
“How can someone as confident as you be so nervous right now? It’s not like you’d ever wanna…” she cut herself off, eyes widening. Would it be such a terrible idea? “I mean… would you?”
“You’re always blushing.” he breathed, dropping his voice to match hers. Cuddled up with her on the sofa gave him the same feeling as pulling the blankets over your head, locked in their own private world.
“‘Cause pretty girls make me nervous.” he laughed, watching as her eyes scanned his face. Was she looking at his mouth? Surely not.
Time slowed down as he slid his hand into her hair. It felt like he was threading through molasses, ears plugged up as he struggled to make sense of her words. Because she couldn’t be…
“Have sex with you?” he asked, uncertainty coating his words. “Ellie...”
He paused.
“You’re beautiful.” he said. A non-answer, because he couldn’t bring himself to say anything less damning.
Reid couldn’t imagine tamping down his innate lust. Not that he was some kind of sex addict. He had sex, and often. He liked to fuck and he liked to think he was good at it. He’d grown up with a very healthy approach to his own desire. And here was Ellie, repressed and awkward and in dire need of help.
But that wasn’t Reid’s place.
“You could… google it? Watch some videos, or something?” his nose wrinkled at the suggestion. Ellie. Watching cheaply made, poorly acted porn. Alright.
“I dunno. You just gotta.” he held up two fingers in mid air, crooking them slightly, hoping to at least make her laugh. “Figure out what you like.”
This time, Ellie didn't even attempt to hide the look of horror on her face. She groaned loudly, her hands flying up to cover her face as she whined, "Reid! I am not watching porn!"
The thought of it made her shiver, and before she knew it her whole body was wriggling dramatically as she tried to shake off the thought of it, distracting them both with her playful antics. She thought she was finally relaxing when she saw Reid's fingers, and her jaw dropped.
"You want me to put those inside of me? And do that?!" Ellie gasped, before hearing her own words echoed back to her. "Mine! Not yours. I mean, obviously you don't want yours inside of me. Wow. Please can I stop talking."
Reid would laugh if it wasn’t so entirely, utterly humiliating. The look on her face was funny, don’t get him wrong, but the conversation was one Reid could have done without. They’d been friends for over a decade, and had happily steered all conversations away from the… intimate. Mostly to preserve Reid’s sanity. Until now.
He spluttered, dropping his hand. He could steadily feel his whole face turning bright red. Maybe his chest too. Fuck. Yep, he was on fire.
“I wasn’t suggesting that!” he scrambled for an excuse, trying to look anywhere but Ellie’s hands, or her face. Or at Ellie at all. “I’m not… Yours will be less intense. It was just a suggestion.”
Ellie’s forehead crinkled in confusion, her lips parted as she tried to make sense of what he was saying.
“Mine will be less intense? What does that mean?” She flushed, embarrassed she even had to ask.
She fell quiet for a moment, heart racing as warmth spread down to her stomach and much… much lower. Sex was not the sort of thing she and Reid talked about, and now she felt totally cuckoo crazy pants, cuddled against his chest and having him talk to her about… sticking her fingers… inside places! Places no fingers had ever been before! She shot him a glance and immediately melted at the sight of him.
“Aw, sugar. You’re blushing,” she giggled, rolling over to face him. She shuffled closed, hoping their familiar casualness might help calm her, and lifted a hand to cup his cheek.
“Just that… they won’t be as… big and… you know, you won’t be as nervous. And…”
If there was a God, Reid hoped He was listening. Because if He was, there was a high chance that lightning might strike directly through their third floor apartment window and strike him dead, effectively ending this conversation with Ellie.
“No, m’not.” he mumbled, despite the fact he could feel his cheeks burning up. Ellie’s hand was cool to the touch, and he was red all over.
Reid couldn’t imagine tamping down his innate lust. Not that he was some kind of sex addict. He had sex, and often. He liked to fuck and he liked to think he was good at it. He’d grown up with a very healthy approach to his own desire. And here was Ellie, repressed and awkward and in dire need of help.
But that wasn’t Reid’s place.
“You could… google it? Watch some videos, or something?” his nose wrinkled at the suggestion. Ellie. Watching cheaply made, poorly acted porn. Alright.
“I dunno. You just gotta.” he held up two fingers in mid air, crooking them slightly, hoping to at least make her laugh. “Figure out what you like.”
This time, Ellie didn't even attempt to hide the look of horror on her face. She groaned loudly, her hands flying up to cover her face as she whined, "Reid! I am not watching porn!"
The thought of it made her shiver, and before she knew it her whole body was wriggling dramatically as she tried to shake off the thought of it, distracting them both with her playful antics. She thought she was finally relaxing when she saw Reid's fingers, and her jaw dropped.
"You want me to put those inside of me? And do that?!" Ellie gasped, before hearing her own words echoed back to her. "Mine! Not yours. I mean, obviously you don't want yours inside of me. Wow. Please can I stop talking."
Reid would laugh if it wasn’t so entirely, utterly humiliating. The look on her face was funny, don’t get him wrong, but the conversation was one Reid could have done without. They’d been friends for over a decade, and had happily steered all conversations away from the… intimate. Mostly to preserve Reid’s sanity. Until now.
He spluttered, dropping his hand. He could steadily feel his whole face turning bright red. Maybe his chest too. Fuck. Yep, he was on fire.
“I wasn’t suggesting that!” he scrambled for an excuse, trying to look anywhere but Ellie’s hands, or her face. Or at Ellie at all. “I’m not… Yours will be less intense. It was just a suggestion.”
"But you're talking to me about it." he said, very matter of fact, despite the fact his heart was going a mile a minute in his chest. He wondered if that was a good or bad thing - was he so safe, so utterly un-sexy to her that they could discuss this stuff? Or had he gotten the wrong end of the stick entirely?
Something spiked in Reid's stomach at Ellie's confession. He wasn't sure if it was sheer devastation on Ellie's part mixed with a worrying amount of arousal. God, this should not be turning him on.
"No, it's not weird, baby." he bit the inside of his cheek, treading dangerous waters. "It happens to lots of people."
"You don't?" he said, trying to keep his voice at a normal decibel. "What about when you get like...?"
He gestured vaguely in mid-air. Good one, Mac.
Ellie merely shrugged, unable to find the right words. Her voice was small, her ears burning so bright she thought there might be steam coming from them. "Yeah, well. You're you. Everything's safe with you."
There was something a little dazzling about the way Reid called her baby. It wasn't unusual; He called her baby all the time! They had an unprescedented amount of ptenames for one another, but that particular one was flustering her in brand new ways tonight. Probably on account of the humiliating conversation they were having.
"Um, well, I guess I just... ignore it?" she admitted, cringing outwardly. She had nowhere to hide, the neck of her dress too low, with no sleeves to cling to. Instead, her big eyes met Reid's instead, silently imploring him to understand. She felt resigned by the time she finally admitted, "I don't know how."
Reid couldn’t imagine tamping down his innate lust. Not that he was some kind of sex addict. He had sex, and often. He liked to fuck and he liked to think he was good at it. He’d grown up with a very healthy approach to his own desire. And here was Ellie, repressed and awkward and in dire need of help.
But that wasn’t Reid’s place.
“You could… google it? Watch some videos, or something?” his nose wrinkled at the suggestion. Ellie. Watching cheaply made, poorly acted porn. Alright.
“I dunno. You just gotta.” he held up two fingers in mid air, crooking them slightly, hoping to at least make her laugh. “Figure out what you like.”
Ellie couldn't tell if she was imagining it, but it almost looked like Reid was blushing. She wanted to lift her hand and trace the stubble along his jaw, to dip her thumb against his dimpled cheek and feel the rush of heat beneath her touch. She also thought she might pass out if they kept talking about this.
"What?! I'm not... I'm not asking Ainsley about... that. Or Aspen. Or anyone!" she laughed, her voice shaky.
The silence was deafening, and Ellie's heart felt like it might explode directly out of her chest. "Besides, it's not that weird. Right? I mean, sure, Adam never made me... finish, but plenty of people have never... It's not like I have sex a lot. Or, you know, touch myself, or whatever."
"But you're talking to me about it." he said, very matter of fact, despite the fact his heart was going a mile a minute in his chest. He wondered if that was a good or bad thing - was he so safe, so utterly un-sexy to her that they could discuss this stuff? Or had he gotten the wrong end of the stick entirely?
Something spiked in Reid's stomach at Ellie's confession. He wasn't sure if it was sheer devastation on Ellie's part mixed with a worrying amount of arousal. God, this should not be turning him on.
"No, it's not weird, baby." he bit the inside of his cheek, treading dangerous waters. "It happens to lots of people."
"You don't?" he said, trying to keep his voice at a normal decibel. "What about when you get like...?"
He gestured vaguely in mid-air. Good one, Mac.
Ellie felt a little hot and bothered. Her cheeks were pink and she'd just admitted to her best friend that she'd never had an orgasm. She wasn't sure if he'd picked up on the subtext, on the fact that it wasn't just Adam who hadn't gotten her there, but there was something about Reid's touch that seemed to burn through her skin right now.
"What?" Ellie gasped, eyes wide. She wriggled nervously, a spark shooting through her skin at his light touch. "You want to describe... Which part? Like, the doing sex good part?"
Sometimes, it was hard to remember that Ellie was a qualified teacher.
Reid tried to laugh, but the noise got stuck in his throat. He felt hot all over, and this conversation was suddenly terrifyingly, dizzyingly real. He and Ellie didn't talk about stuff like this.
"The orgasm part." he explained, clearing his throat. "Though, you should probably just ask Ainsley, or something. Or even Aspen."
He wriggled his eyebrows at her, trying to make light of the situation that felt suddenly, suffocatingly heavy.
"Well, there it is! I guess that's our answer. We should elope!" Ellie announced dramatically, her fingers tickling the hairs on the back of his neck. She beamed across at him.
The smile wavered momentarily as embarrassment set in, her cheeks now a mortifying shade of pink. She dropped her hand, letting it fall clumsily against her chest as she stared up at the ceiling. Adam had never been interested in finishing the job, and it wasn't like she had any experience elsewhere, with other men or her own hand.
"Nope. Never. Not once. Zero..." she winced, dropping her voice back to a delicate whisper. "Zero orgasms. I mean, I assume. I'm not sure what it's meant to feel like at all."
"My Mom would be so pleased." he said, beaming right back at her. God, things were so easy with her.
Reid let Ellie back away, giving her the space to wallow in her own mortification. Not that she had anything to be ashamed about. Men who didn't make sure their girls came were the worst kind of men, in Reid's experience.
Resting his head on the palm of his hand, he peered down at her, side-on. His other hand moved to walk his fingers up her arm in a - hopefully comforting - touch.
"You want me to describe it to you?" he smirked, half wanting her to turn red again. "You're missing out."
