My anniversary is in about 2 weeks allhumdulillah...
As I sit here reflecting on the last 25 years of my life, I thought I would share some advice...
We’ve gone through just about everything from birth to death and so much in between; things that could of very easily of torn us apart, but we not only survived, we’re stronger than ever.
I’d like to give some advice from what a quarter of a century of marriage have taught me about how to build a strong relationship:
•The best time to work on your marriage is before you even get married.
•You must know who you are. You must Know your boundaries and beliefs.
•Set a foundation and build on that and all relationships are to be built around it.
•Look for someone who shares the same and doesn’t want or expect you to change in order to fit their life.
•If you don’t hold to your boundaries you will turn even the best intentioned relationship on it side.
•Also, Be mindful that your friends are not relationship experts!!
•Best things in life are kept private!!
•Don’t involve anyone in your relationship, unless they can give you sincere unbiased guidance.
Remember that advice is when someone tells you what they think and feel about your life and that guidance is when someone helps you to think and make your own decision based on facts from all sides.
•If someone is always telling you what you want to hear, chances are they aren't the best person to get honest guidance from.
This is a big one and hard for alot of people but:
•Relationships are never 50/50.
At times you give more and other times you take more. Over the years things change, roles change and priorities change but if you grow together then it can be a smooth flow through any water.
•Communication is so important so that understanding is one another is easier. No one wants to play secret agent in their home to see what help they can be or why someone is not happy.
•Compromise becomes easier when communication is done regularly.
Both of these are so important.
•Do what you say you will do.
(Don’t say you will do something if you don’t really intend to do it.)
•If you have a delay then call, but always show up and do what you say you will. Inconsistency shows your spouse they aren’t a priority and destroys trust and trust is the foundation of your relationship.
•No one wants to be put on the back burner all the time. Your spouse is more important than work or friends.
•Listening to your partner’s problems without passing judgement is one of the kindest things you can do. Be the support you want in your spouse!!! Just be quiet and listen before you speak.
•Be kind and respectful to your spouse. Keep that same respect you had from the start and build from there.
•Keep private things private and be mindful they have feelings as well.
•There's is no such thing as a stagnant relationship. It's either growing or dying. If you are losing interest or feeling tired then you need to work on that together while communicating. There's no in between for this. Your relationship is like your garden your only going to get out of it what you put into it. If you neglect it and don't water it properly it will die, if it give it attention and what it needs it will grow and thrive.
•The fact that you know you're not perfect isn't an excuse to keep making the same mistakes. You have to put in the work to see the results.
•Everyone loves differently, and everyone expresses that love differently and thats okay and so its very important to learn your partner’s love language and remind them often through it. Embrace it and give it back too.
•Don't fight! Don't argue or have explosions while angry. Walk away reflect, compose your thoughts and discuss it rationally. Alot of things we say when heated, we say to be hurtful and this isn't something we honestly want to do to someone we love and want to spend the rest of our lives with. We don't want to be hurt so don't try to hurt either.
•Love everyday as if its your last. Tomarrow isn't promised so savor the moment and enjoy the time you have.