Undernegotiated kink and subdrop Cegan moment that I've been spinning in my head like a rubix cube. It's not a fic, it's just my goofy, longwinded thoughts.
Those thoughts below are 18+
Okay okay where do I start.
Well. Like I said. Established Cegan relationship. This is just me thinking of something that'd be fun to have in a very elaborate multichapter fic that I'll never write anyway cuz I can't write for shit, but I need to put this into words anyway.
Carl likes it way, *way* more than he lets on when Negan calls him good boy. He always does, but the frequency seems to peak when he blows him.
And Negan, old and experienced and therefore aware that having Carl slobbering over his dick and taking and inch, maybe two, and using his hands, is way better than having him choke on it, doesn't *ask* Carl to take it deeper.
Sure. He really wants to see it. Maybe he calls him good boy a little more often when he imagines grabbing his hair and forcing him the whole way onto his dick. And yeah, he 's fucked up, but he knows how to pick his battles. He doesn't want his dick shredded by teeth, and Carl feels useful, and he's eaten enough terrible things to fucking swallow without a second thought. Negan is fine with that, he prefers sticking it in him anyway.
Carl's not content with that. He finds out through an off-handed comment that Negan actually wants it differently.
And fuck if that doesn't ignite that *Why can't you just be proud of me- daddy issue of Carls. Of course he wants it differently. He probably wants it like he wants everything else, with a bit of a fight.
And let's get so fucking for real. Negan would abuse the everliving fuck out of that insecurity - He wouldn't realize it at first, or at least not....The degree to which Carl is actually willing to bend for him. Mostly because it turns out to be good for him too (at least it feels good). So he doesn't protest. Or he does.
But Carl will say, "fuck you, stop it," when Negan just starts jerking him off because Carl's being nosy, or trying to be a part of grown up decision making, and ssshhhh, just lean into it, c'mon, I'll be right out, go shoot some targets or something, promise it won't be long.
And Carl is a ball of raging hormones, so he folds immediately, cums, and just leaves like he was told in a mix of sexually satiation and a conviction that Negan definitely meant that it wasn't that important, and he probably wasn't needed there after all, but that he was still appreciated - He touched him after all. He wouldn't do that if he didn't.
And like. Carl will accept this because he hasn't had time to live with the consequences of that dynamic so he like. Just enjoys it. Enjoys being treated as an adult, because nobody else will 😤 (they do, Carl, just not in these fucking area holy shit)
He eggs Negan on because they're a terrible combination. Whenever Negan has a micro second of conscious and says, "Naw kid, bad idea." Carl goads him.
And he's dumb enough to take the bait, cuz he's depraved enough to justify it with *But he's literally asking me, and if he says stop I'll stop*. So Carl gets what he wants. And he gets to cum. He's praised to the heavens, and Negan gets him off like. Fucking 2 or 3 times after because he needs more and Negan needs to relax but he does have two perfectly functioning hands.
Now. About the blowjob.
Carl says, "You can just push my head." Like he isn't directly asking. Negan doesn't do it.
Blowjob ends abruptly.
Why are you like this, I'm not that stupid, I know it's a bad blowjob blah blah blah ):<
And really, it's not at all. It gets the job done - It's perfectly perfect. But he *would* look and sound cute gagging and choking.....
Negan won't argue with him, is he gonna unknot those panties or is he gonna keep hissyfitting because if he is, he's just gonna pack it up and leave -he's not dealing with this shit today.
Carl insists. He always does whatever he wants anyway so why won't he just shove his head down if he isn't living up to expectations ):< ? It's not like he'll *break*, he can just punch him if he wants to stop - He's done it before.
And Negan's like.
Okay. Let's weigh our options and consider it.
He is insisting on this. He *wants* to be choked on it. And given how he usually reacts, he's gonna fuss a little, but he'll always yield, because Negan just goes ab bapbap sssshhhh sshhhh and fucking jerks him with a hand over his mouth cuz it usually makes him forget he was angry in the first place. If it doesn't there's always take two.
So he gives in. Alright. He'll hold his head down a bit.
He does. But not hard. It's more like he has the back of his head cradled in his head, and he's just applying a lil pressure. Carl grunts, annoyed and strangely obsessed with this goddamn blowjob, scrapes Negan with the corner of a tooth a lil as he pulls his face off of his dick and he's like *stop that, you never listen to me anyway, just do it, I'll be fine!*
Negan says, you're getting on my nerves, I'm about to lose my erection and you leaving dents in it with your big boy teeth is not helping, adjust your fucking attitude or I will
But Carl being Carl and definitely a respected grown up who does grown up things, insists. He's not made of glass, he's done worse things than this, and Negan has done worse things to him, he never lets him do any delegating of sanctuary 'jobs'/chores, he insists on calling him *kid*, why is he treating him oh so tenderly one second and the next he's fucking him into the wall. Make up your mind Negan, you're just a pussy who doesn't think I can do anything, I CAN HANDLE IT!!!! FUCK YOU? ):<
And boy does he take the bait. Carl gets the reaction he expected.
Jokey Negan has waved goodbye, because he's not gonna just sit there and be spoken to like that when *he's* the one being considerate, and the little crotch goblin has the audacity to tell him he's a pussyrooni lil bitch? And he says it, *knowing* who he is?? Fine. FINE. Talk shit, get hit, he'll take the blowjob - if Carl's so eager to do better, not like he wasn't just trying to spare him this entire time (CAN WE GET AN AMEN FOR SAINT SMITH???).
And the thing is, Carl's probably asking the way he is because he likes it, right? He likes getting roughed up, and Negan likes doing it, so it's gotta be his way of asking for it without asking by provoking him.
That's cute. And perfect.
So
Negan does just that.
You want to show me good you can be, then start working.
And then he's suddenly got his fist full of Carl's hair, and he's definitely grabbing it in the wrong way on purpose, and he just yoinks him back to his dick. Makes him take more than he usually does, and Carl gags - but he doesn't outright push away. Theory confirmed - Lil man just wants to be treated rough.
So he continues. Keeps holding him and using it to move his head, while he starts snarkily monologuing.
Yap yap yap, obligatory *You think you're so fucking cute, and you are, but not enough to let this piss poor attitude slide. You want something - you ask, nicely*-comment
And he doesn't ease up, he forces him down some more, and Carl's struggling to breathe, but he *is* breathing, and he's making noises that sound a lil desperate, and very cute. It doesn't look or sound as good as he imagined it, but it's fine. He'll probably get there eventually. It's why he created this situation out of a non-issue in the first place, innit???
Now we got Carl.
And he's not ready to tap out. But he's immediately, violently and unfortunately realizing that he can't take it all. He is *struggling*. But he'll make it.
Negan's *not* gonna eat his words and he won't apoligize, but he'll be unable to not praise him for a prime quality bj.
But the praise isn't really coming. Where's the fucking fingers through his hair?? The hissed-through-teeth-sharp-inhale followed by *That's it, good fucking boy*.
He feels robbed. And it's only when he *almost* chokes that he connects those dots. Negan's not gonna say it, and apparently he's doing a shitty job, so why is he not letting go?
He'll deal. He can deal, he's not gonna let Negan get away with a *told you so, cowboy*. He wants to do this (he doesn't anymore, it's exactly as awful as Negan kept saying it was gonna be)
And like. Negan sees him tensing up. Reads it as *Jesus christ, he's getting turned on by this* because he's seized up like he is when he fucks him (Except that's because he's busy cumming and not cuz he's focused on breathing and staying alive).
He grabs him though, because the lil rascal tries and push away from him again, and it's just pure instinct of not wanting to be bitten again that he grabs him by the jaw. Totally instinctual. Not cuz he wants to use his mouth as a fleshlight. Nuh uh.
And he does. After he tells him to mind the teeth.
And Carl? He's having a bad time. A fucking shitty time. The more Negan yaps, the more he doesn't hear him, cuz he's getting increasingly light-headed and he feels less like he's returning a favour, or treating Negan to something and more like he's being used.
And he hasn't called him anything nice, he's been berating him the entire time, *it's what you wanted right? so I'm giving it to you*.
And that's true but also not, and he can't pin down **why** but he doesn't like this kind of manhandling. It's not fun anymore, he would like to stop, please, Negan normally does stop when he asks, after just a few *Seriously, stop*, but usually it's not this bad and Negan will talk until he changes his mind.
But this ain't it.
And at some point, Negan's gonna move his hand, to his throat, and there's a hand in his hair and Carl's really fucking not having fun anymore. But he can't tell him stop, his mouth's busy, and every push and shove is just chalked up to inexperience and him being a bit difficult. And he is both of those things, so maybe it's fine, he'll be fine, it's *fine*, he just needs to survive
Except he can't breathe. And he feels that weird buzzy, prickling wave, that somehow feels like dark grey static, and it's travelling from his shoulders and along his spine, and he chokes with an ugly nasty gargle, blacked out for half a second, because Negan, gentleman extraordinaire, forced the entire thing in at once.
And he keeps him there, and Carl's maybe deaf or and blind now, but he's definitely not after all, cuz he can *only* hear his heartbeat and blood in his ears, before he feels, rather than hears Negan coming, and it's like. Messy.
Fucking messy as hell.
Cuz he fucks it up. He could've taken it, he just had to stay in place, and the second he feels a bit of reprieve, he tries pulling away - Gets yanked right back. And it's not like he has a lot to give from but he chokes, vomitting. It's just mostly bile, spit, and cum. But there's no room for it to escape entirely, so some of it is gonna go through his nose, in just the best-terrible lil acidic, mucuous-y cum-snot cocktail.
And then, at last, Negan seems to finally notice. (Still hasn't praised him fucking once, fuck this whole blowjob thing). And he lets go.
Carl's instantly off of him, and I'm gonna be so for real, I'm orchestrating all of this for the sole reason that I need him to just *howl* in this disastrous combination of fear, and betrayal, and humiliation and shame and overstimulation and exhaustion, and disappointment.
And he's already crying by the time he's let off, and he's stuck between wanting to run away immediately, decking Negan, and just wanting him to apoligize - And part of him won't ask for that because *Carl made him be rough, did it to himself*.
But he can get his frustrations out by yelling at him. Calling him a fucking idiot, why didn't he let go, couldn't he see he was choking (he could, that's why he warned you).
He just. Disintegrates. Going through the entire emotional register and back again in 20 seconds, where he yells at Negan, blaming him, saying sorry, asking what he did wrong, telling him he's fucking insane and don't touch him, don't fucking touch him, *I hate you I hate you I hate you, don't touch me, you didn't even want me to do it in the first place cuz you didn't say I did it right even once*.
He avoids directly asking why he wouldn't praise him, at least right away😡
He's not gonna beg, and it always, always helps to be vague when you're exploding into an accusatory rage, so Carl's doing great!
And then he notices just how fucking gross he is?? Lil bro's gasping for air and he's got that nasty slimy sticky spit mixed with cum on his fingers from smushing his hands into his face to get rid of it, it just needed gone, cuz Negan's definitely already making up comments to poke fun at him, catalogued for later (he's really not but Carl's expecting that 💔)
Cue Carl finally just breaking into the most angst-filled sobs that make him sound his age, except someone his age shouldn't ever be brought to tears by that situation. Inconsolable wailing that doesn't seem to end, but it does, because Negan kind of just. Does what he does best. And he doesn't mean to, but how the fuck does he navigate *this*.
So he says, neutral but internally conflicted - he *knows* he's the reason why Carl sounds like this.
*You wanted me to. You asked me*
Carl is gonna make an ungodly noise. Like. A feral half-yell, half-shriek because *I was trying to make you stop, you're so fucking- I hate you, I didn't ask for it, I wanted to-*
Insert loud wail because Carl doesn't want to admit he just wanted to do good. Negan has been able to pick up on it so far without needing to be told, why is he making him admit he wants the praise, if he says it out loud, it ruins it.
And Negan thinks what he wanted was to get off.
What he wanted was approval, to get a sense that he provided something, and it only makes him cry more, cuz he's still sticky and there's drying cum flecks on his shirt, in his hair from when he threw up and he feels small, and like he needs to combust, he needs to be alone so no one can ever see him, he needs his mom to hold him and press kisses into his hair and tell him she loves him but she can't *do* that cuz he *killed* her, and also Negan's kind of taken the hairpetting spot to a degree but FUCK Negan, he's the worst person, and he wishes he was DEAD too ):<
He doesn't want Negan dead, he wants him to be someone else, someone who didn't do this to him, so he could unload every one of his biiiiig feelings, and be validated.
Except Negan's the perpetrator of the thing he needs him to be a saviour from. And it's his own fault. Boohoo.
Fucking. Boohoo.
And in Negan-land?
In Negan-land, he is watching the consequences of his actions unfolding in real time, and it feels. *bad*. More than he wants to admit. He can't fucking cheer him back up if he won't let him touch him, and sure, he smacks him away sometimes and then he yanks him close anyway till he yields - He always yields. It's never not seemed like he just can't get himself to ask - and he doesn't ask either, when the hell has a teenager ever been good at expressing themselves, come on.
Everything in his system is screaming at him that this time it's very, very detrimental for him *not* to poke and prod the way he normally would. Eat the snarky comment you hope will get Carl to retort back, till the tension petters out through bickering, and don't reach for him so you can overpower him, you've done enough bozo.
But also. Carl *asked*.
And he did the thing.
He did what he wanted him to, c'maaaahn.
His flimsy excuse is getting flimsier by every second that Carl spends crying and talking nonsense because he already knows.
Like.
He *knows* he did this. But if they share the blame it's easier to pretend he isn't just allowing Carl to mimic an adult while he decides when to indulge him and when not to.
Cuz if he does acknowledge that he's fucked in the head, he's gonna want to distance himself from Carl and he doesn't wanna do that. He wants him. He got Carl to trust him, he gave him his first smooch (ssshhh let's pretend), and he swiped that v-card, he disrupted his family dynamic and somehow came out the victor (fuck you Rick), and he just *wants* to keep him.
He's stubborn and brave in a, "You need to be more careful, you dingus"-kinda way and he derives more pleasure than he cares to admit from being around someone who isn't entirely jaded, whose life from before the apocalypse is retold in a solely positive light, unimpacted by life as it was.
Someone who believes there *is* some sort of fix. Stabilization or *whatever* to do, in the world instead of being a pessimistic adult like himself and everyone else.
All he needs to do is keep Carl happy. Which he can do. It's surprisingly easy, cuz he bounces back from his little hissy tizzies pretty fast. That, or maybe he just postpones it by distracting him and he's just bottling everything up by suppressing his initial reactions.
He's breaking the thing he likes about him by treating him the way he seems to wanna be treated, but Carl is dumb and he just wants to feel nice, have a semblance of stability, be praised, and Negan provides it - Until he doesn't. And then he's the same person to rectify that, by making him feel nice.
Now that I've written this small essay, I can attest to the fact that yes, Carl's gonna eventually buckle. After Negan fights every urge to just force Carl into a hug because forcing him was how they got there in the first place.
And by the time Carl does buckle, he's migrated over next to Negan, half draped over him, but he still doesn't want him to touch him, he was going to punch him and never did- But also *why won't you hold me, you always crush me even when I say no and you didn't even say I did good, you hate me, I can't do anything,* and he's climbing up onto Negan, who tries not to seem too eager or non-chalant. it's difficult tho.
Reconciliation. Carl's need to feel useful and loved and taken care of overrides the humiliation and the fear. He *did* ask for it, after all. He'll be fine. Carl's just so *fine*, he'll be okay soon, he's *so* fine. Pwomise
Aight. That's it.
Me when I type all of this shit down and pelt it onto innocent bystanders because the problematic gays are rattling about in my head and I need to have someone nod sagely and tell me it'd be fun if it happened
