sex is not supposed to be about what you can tolerate!!!!! sex is supposed to be about what you genuinely want and enjoy!!!!! and if youโre traumatized and/or not straight, believe me, I know itโs not that simple to figure out what it is that you actually want and enjoy.
youโre not a bad person if you do something that you donโt particularly enjoy because, for example, it makes your partner happy, but always remember: you have no obligation to engage in sexual activities that you donโt fully like and enjoy.ย
and you donโt ever, everย need to justify that - if your partner has an issue withย โIt makes me kind of uncomfortableโ orย โI donโt really like itโ, then that person does not deserve a moment of your time, in or outside of the bedroom. you donโt have to prove yourself to anyone; you donโt have to meet anyoneโs standards of acceptable vs. unacceptable activity (or lack thereof); you donโt have to force yourself to be comfortable with something becauseย of any perceived political connotations of performing or refusing that act.
saying yes because you feel guilty about saying no is not consent. saying yes because youโre scared of what will happen if you say no is not consent. saying yes because you figure you might as well just endure it is not consent. sex ed on here and elsewhere doesnโt give a single shit about traumatized people and I wish someone had told me all of this a lot sooner.ย
also sex should never be part of any transaction. iโve seen posts talking about asexuality that say, โi have sex with him and he does laundry, like any other division of chores.โ sex should never be a chore or some kind of necessary labor you grit your teeth through. doing dishes is necessary, sex is not
