So I was reading Mark Oshiro’s latest installment of Mark Reads Discworld, and he’s at the part in Feet of Clay where Nobby is telling dirty jokes to the toffs of Ankh-Morpork. Apparently (according to the Annotated Pratchett Files) a bunch of fans back in the day created a joke to fit, and it’s too good not to share on Tumblr.
This Klatchian walked into a pub carrying a small piano. He puts in on the bar and has a few drinks. When it comes time to pay up he says to the publican, “I bet you double or nothing I can show you the most amazing thing you ever saw.”
“Okay, but I warn you, I’ve seen some weird stuff.”
The Klatchian takes out a tiny stool, which he sits in front of the piano. He then reaches into his robes and pulls out a box, about a foot long, with tiny air-holes in it. He takes off the lid and inside is a tiny man, fast asleep. As the lid opens he wakes up. Instantly he jumps to the piano and plays a perfect rendition of ‘The Shades of Ankh-Morpork’! Then, as everyone in the bar is clapping, he jumps back into the box and closes the lid.
“Wow!” The publican says, and wipes the slate clean. “If I give you another drink, could you do it again?” The Klatchian agrees. This time the little man plays the Hedgehog song, to thunderous applause.
“I gotta ask, where did you get that?”
“Well, a few months ago I was travelling across the deserts of Klatch, when I suddenly came across a glass bottle. I picked it up and rubbed it and lo and behold, out popped a Genie. For some reason it was holding a curved bone to his ear and talking to it.”
“'Genie,’ I said to him, ‘I have freed you, and in return I ask only three wishes.’”
“'Huh?’ The genie said, looking at me for the first time. 'Oh, OK, three, whatever.’ He then started talking to the bone again.”
“'Genie, I would like a million bucks!’ I said to him.”
“Did you get it?”
“Not exactly. The genie kept talking to the bone and he waved one of his hands. Instantly, I was surrounded by a million ducks. Then they flew away.”
“What was your second wish?”
“I said to him: 'I want to be the ruler the world!’ the Genie was still talking to his bone, but he waved his free hand and a piece of wood appeared, with inches marked on it.”
“Oh, a ruler. It sounds like the genie wasn’t paying much attention. Did you get your third wish?”
“Let me put it like this: do you really think I asked for a twelve-inch pianist?”
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