okay this is messy but here’s how widower arc would go if jack was actually a baby
- widower arc goes on a bit longer (maybe not in episodes but in like, in-show time) and everything in 12x23 happens the same except sam picks up the baby and the baby’s eyes glow and there’s some kind of visual manifestation of his power and then he just. starts crying so sam extremely awkwardly shooshes him and rocks him and you can tell he’s thinking “is this how you hold a baby ????????????” (not generally, no, but he’s got the spirit.)
- then the funeral scene where sam is still holding jack and dean can’t even look in their direction, same extremely drained shot of dean from 13x01 and we cut to them walking toward the car, dean’s eyes are EMPTY empty, and sam is struggling with jack, he won’t stop crying and u can tell he’s at the end of his rope. sam goes “can you please just -” and holds him out at dean bc he does NOT know how to interact with babies. and jack is crying and dean scrubs a hand over his face and looks at jack for the first time
- sam is like “please, he won’t stop crying i don’t know what to do can you -” and this goes on for like, a little bit too long. u can tell dean has an irrational beef with this baby. but he steps forward and he didn’t say anything at the funeral so the first thing he says is “give him here” and tucks him against his chest and jack immediately starts settling. he sighs and he looks at the sky like why god have you made it your personal goal to fuck with me and hands sam the car keys, and slides into the backseat of the impala
- sam makes a face at him and he’s like what?? a baby shouldn’t be sitting in the front seat of any car let alone this one just drive, sam
- anyway dean stares out the window rubbing jack’s back until jack falls asleep and u can tell he doesn’t want to but he falls asleep too and the whole thing should be very bittersweet, sam glancing at them in the rearview mirror
- they head immediately for the bunker. sam points out that they need baby stuff and dean says to just drop them off at the bunker because they should keep him warded as much as possible because god knows who’s looking for him and god knows what jack can do. dean stays with jack mostly because sam does NOT want to be alone with the baby he’s making that very clear but he does want to be useful so he’s like okay. okay i’ll be back i’ll just………..look up a list of stuff we need??? what do we need???? and dean is like christ sammy you’re in your 30s please figure it out and go grocery shopping while you’re at it i feel like we’re gonna be stuck here for a while
- jack is EXTREMELY fussy (he can feel that cas is dead and that comes out in baby emotions & also he doesn’t want to be left alone so someone ALWAYS has to be holding him at first) and so this does end up in dean one night getting so frustrated he can’t help but start crying a little himself and he’s doing the thing where you plead with the baby u know “please just tell me what you want i’ll do whatever it is please please what do you want” and he eventually lands on sitting in his recliner in the dean cave with jack cradled against his bare chest and that’s finally what calms jack down. up until this point dean has been holding on to the connection in his mind between jack’s birth and cas’ death and as soon as jack settles down on his chest he’s so relieved that that relief expands outward and loosens him up a little and suddenly he’s saying softly “oh god” and shaky crying but he’s trying to keep his breathing steady cuz he doesn’t wanna freak jack out when he just calmed down
- because cas is gone and this was supposed to be cas’ kid. this IS cas’ kid. he’s sitting here holding part of cas and now that he’s let go of this blame that he put on the kid he also feels incredibly guilty. thoughts run through his head about how he always fucks things up but he can’t - he won’t fuck this up because this isn’t just cas’ kid this is his kid, now. he doesn’t know when it happened but it’s been a little over a month now and he loves this baby more than he could possibly say and - this is his kid, huh?
- it would soften dean SO much, his priorities would shift because he can’t help but be a caretaker that’s who he is and like, jack also recognizes dean as his dad. sam is around all the time of course but, jack sleeps in dean’s room. (sam picked up a bassinet but jack doesn’t like it and dean doesn’t mind co-sleeping with him, though he does fussily look up how to do it safely and worries about it at first.) cas coming back and seeing just how drastically their lives have changed? he gets to see dean in a whole new light and also that his kid!! that’s their kid
- dean is putting him down for the night (in dean’s bed because that’s where dean and jack sleep) and singing hey jude until jack falls asleep and cas has the most fond look on his face as he quietly watches from the doorway. it’s the first night cas has been back and he’s been hovering near him all day. jack falls asleep and dean slowly gets off the bed and then sees cas standing in the doorway, looking like That at him. and dean just. smiles back at him extremely softly. he says, “he’s a good sleeper once you get him down” u know proud like only a parent can be about their baby sleeping and the two of them end up on the couch that i’ve just decided is also in the dean cave and cas says to tell him everything and dean does and he’s talking about all the little details of jack’s still very short life and it’s lighthearted they’re both smiling but dean isn’t really meeting cas’ eyes and then dean’s voice wobbles
- then he meets his eyes and the words almost get stuck in his throat but he says “i missed you so much. i was so scared.” (i don’t wanna do this without you.) and then he’s crying and pitching forward and burying his face in cas’ chest and cas is wrapping his arms around him and dean is letting out gasping sobs while cas rubs his back and repeats softly again and again “i’m here now. i won’t leave you again.”
also. this leads immediately to the three of them sleeping in dean’s bed because after this conversation on the couch they’re both wiped and they walk down the hall to their rooms except cas keeps going after they get to dean’s room and dean just says, “where are you going?” and cas gets as far as, “i just thought-” before dean is ushering him in and saying, “you’re his dad, you should be here with us.” and dean shuts the door and resolutely starts getting ready for bed because that was the right thing to say and it’s true but also now he’s switching his jeans for pajama pants as casually as he can manage while cas just sort of stands there where dean had pulled him.
so he just sort of keeps barreling forward because well, he’s in it now, and asks if cas needs something to wear. he does. dean gives him a pair of his sweatpants and a t shirt and while cas changes dean sits on the bed and watches and explains the co-sleeping and when jack will probably wake up and how he can take care of it in a low voice and cas has a little eyebrow furrow, the kind he gets when he’s listening intently, nodding along. so dean gets under the covers and asks cas to turn off the light. cas sits next to him on top of the covers, leaning back against the headboard, and dean squirms, looks up at him from where he’s lying down. they look at each other. and dean says, “come on, man, get comfortable.” cas keeps looking and says, “angels don’t sleep, dean.” dean doesn’t say anything. after a minute cas says, “if it would make you more comfortable,” and slides underneath the covers, turns on his side, and curls toward him. “isn’t that better?” dean asks. and cas levels a look at him and just says, “go to sleep, dean.”
so he does. and if he wakes up in the morning with his face pressed to cas’ chest and cas hand on his shoulder, well. isn’t that something that two people raising the same kid can do together. jack is nestled next to them and deep down in the back of his mind he thinks. well, isn’t this what a family can be?
