confessions of a school addict

ㅣ17ㅣsydney, australiaㅣcurrent IB studentㅣ just some tips, study tricks and info to help also i post about my life sometimes sorry

[night-owlenthusiast]

life tip #1 it’s okay to take care of yourself

tldr: it’s okay to be selfish and to put your health and wellbeing over another person. it’s okay to let go of toxic relationships and it’s okay to move on and take care of yourself. you are the most important person in your life. 

This is a personal story of mine; it’s going to be v long so sorry :P 

I value friendships a lot. I don’t hold grudges and I’m nice to everyone. 

It’s my greatest strength and my greatest weakness. 

I grew up in a very collectivist culture which basically means that there’s a strong emphasis on family values and community support. Family, education and community wellbeing is at the top of the priority ladder which means friendship falls somewhere near the bottom. So for someone like me, growing up with a group of friends was like something amazing because I never knew how much a bunch of strangers could grow to be like your family. 

Or so I thought. 

I refused to think of it then as verbal abuse and obviously I refused to think of it as bullying. Because I just thought to myself ‘oh they’re just playing around, that’s what friends do.’ 

It kind of happened at one point in Year 5. I was about 10/11. I got really sick and I fainted. It wasn’t a big fuss, I just wasn’t drinking enough water or something and then when I got back to school, naturally, the first thing I did was tell my friends. Instead of asking me if I was okay, they started saying I was pregnant and that I was a slut so that was why I started fainting. Later that day, I got a message in my locker from one of my ‘friends’ with basically the same insults typed out in large black font. Thankfully, another girl stepped in and took it to the teacher. 

I forgave her. But that wasn’t the end of it. 

Near the end of the school year, we went to one of my friend’s house and all was well for about two hours until they told me to stay in a room and wait for a bit while they all did something. Blame my naivety but I thought absolutely nothing of it. About 10 minutes pass and I get suspicious so I look outside and they’re putting on jewellery, laughing and taking photos of each other. And they know I’m standing right there, watching them because they deliberately make eye contact with me every few seconds as if to say ‘look at us, and look at you, the loser.’ I was so upset, I called my Dad to pick me up and we left it at that. 

I forgave them the next day. 

In Year 6, I met another girl in my year outside my friendship group. Let’s call her Maria. She was smart, funny and she loved books and I instantly connected with her so much more than with my current ‘friends.’ I have her to thank for my love of literature today. I started hanging out with her more often; I enjoyed her company more, and somehow that translated to ‘oh, they’re both lesbians.’ 

I’m not a lesbian. I’m straight. There’s nothing wrong with being part of the lgbtq+ community but to be labelled as such when I was just friends with this girl was demoralising, rude and hurtful. They started saying things like ‘since you like her so much, why don’t you guys get married,’ and ‘you’ve betrayed our group since you’re hanging out with your lesbian girlfriend.’ I couldn’t for the life of me understand why they were saying these things. And you know what I did? 

I apologised. I apologised for hanging out with her too often. They shunned me, calling me names in person, on social media… they ignored me at school and I remember standing on the top level of my classroom building looking over the railing and feeling just utterly, utterly lost. I was 12 at the time, and I remember Maria seeing me standing there and knowing something was wrong. She was the only one who noticed and she pulled me into the bathroom and asked me what happened. I brushed it off and told her everything was fine. It wasn’t. 

The abuse continued on and off for the rest of the year; luckily, I had received a scholarship to another school so I was leaving everything behind. Even so, I still cried when I left. I cried with my friends and told them I’d never forget them and I’d keep in contact with them. 

Of course that didn’t happen. I lost contact with them and unfortunately with Maria as well. 

As I entered my new school, I was able to meet a totally new group of people who have taught me so much, who have shaped me into the person who I am today, who have been there for me and who are just beautiful human beings inside and out. It was about in Year 8 that I told myself that yes, those people in my primary school were bullying me and that it was a toxic relationship that I had with them. And that it was totally okay to hate them and totally okay to move on. I forgave and forgot; we were young at the time and it’s true that kids can be unnecessarily cruel. 

But I’ve grown up now, into a better person and someone who also tries to look out for herself as much as she looks out for her friends. I didn’t realise at the time how much it took a toll on my mental health and I know now with a beautiful group of people I call my friends what a good friendship is like. 

I know my story isn’t as extreme as other bullying cases out there or as terrible as some relationships. Some of you have been through truly awful times and sometimes, it just feels like you want a dark hole to swallow you up. But we’ve all made it to the other side, albeit with bruises and cuts and scrapes. We’re still here and kickin hard. 

I wanted to leave my story here for people to read and know, and to accept that no matter how hard it is, if that friendship or relationship is taking its toll on you and you feel sad more times than you feel happy, then it’s time to let go. 

I still struggle to move on sometimes, which is okay. But now I’ve accepted the fact that if something just isn’t working out for me, I need to leave it. I’ve had enough of people walking over me and using me. And you should too. You are the most important person in your life and you need to take care of yourself. 

We are social animals. We want to belong, to be liked and to be popular. But there comes a time when there’s a fine line between pleasing other people and hurting yourself in the process. 

Love yourself. You deserve it. Let go of that toxicity, that terrible burden, and move on. 

Otherwise it’s not fair on you. 

as always, feel free to share your story :) my inbox is always open

[lifeofamedstudent]

Friend: wow I’m so tired Me, med student: tired? 😂😂 I’m never tired 💪 rotations all day everyday! 💯👌 Library is my second home 🙏🏡❤ ATP what’s keeping me going! 🏃🔥 MITOCHONDRIA IS THE POWERHOUSE OF THE CELL 👑💯

[beaconpress-blog]

[kissnecks]

THIS OKAY

[ten-and-donna]

You want to get kids out of foster care and into good, loving homes? I’ve got a simple solution to your problem.

[reginaeinferos]

Did you know LGBT couples are more likely to adopt older, children of color and disable children than straight couples? LGBT couples tend to adopt ‘undesired’ children more (basically kids no one else wants.)

[just-a-penis--with-a-dream]

This is so important because I remember being in the system and being so scared that I would never be adopted or loved or whatever and seriously just fucking let them, take the fear out of finding a family

[followerspleasecheckinbox]

Exactly. I reblog this every time I see it. EVERY time.

[wonqtae]

You’re cute ^^

[overtimidly]

hope everyone has a good first day of school !

[scholarsetc-blog]

{14.08.16} 

 My favourite bullet journal supplies!

[cherryliqour-deactivated2017062]

https://instagram.com/p/BLGdQVhBPPt/

[inkskinned]

i witness pictures of a “relaxing” woman and i think: it is funny how they see us. in the movies under the shower, the actress stands with shaved legs, leaning into the water, opening her mouth with a sensuous sigh. our sleepovers are supposed to come with bras and tight panties, laughing our painted lips over pizza you don’t see us eat. we take walks in the park in good heels, look excellent after running, always have a gentle smile on our pristine faces.

an artist draws a piece about how women alone don’t have to be sad that they’re alone, they should relish in it, which i thank him for giving me permission to do. the result of his work is half-nude ladies draped like linens over their couches, flashes of thigh gaps and open lips, breasts swelling pleasantly, a yawn and and stretch that shows off her hipbones. 

the only evidence i have that i’m normal is considered comedy. our reality is comedy. lying in bed under three covers, bra off but sweater on, laptop positioned directly under lack of a chin: that gets a laugh. in the movies, the quirky girl in a cute-ugly but somehow flattering pajama set gets caught at the supermarket and it’s a nice romantic scene where we find out how awkward it is for her to exist without makeup, without her best effort to please sexually. she sees her boss or her cute friend or whatever else makes us laugh and cringe and the next time we put on “real clothes” before we go out shopping.

the real world exists somewhere outside the picture of women. we come home and strip off our bras, but instead of that being a still image of a delicate female stepping away nude, it’s a moment of our peacefulness. the narrative so often stops here, us heading our improbably slim legs to the bedroom. but instead our breasts don’t always hang evenly, instead some of us do not have breasts, instead we swipe a hand over our tired faces and smear our makeup but are too lazy to take it off. our bodies crack and crunch and do not stretch like a cat but instead in weird directions, we rush out our breath and slouch and barely keep our eyes open. we lie with our thighs touching and our stomachs hanging because it’s comfortable. we sling ourselves undainty over whatever will support our weight. our showers consist equally of staring into the void as of unflattering angles while we wash; our bodies never come pre-shaved and for some reason our underarm hair is really persistent or our leg hair is dark and shows even after shaving or maybe both. our sleepovers mostly feature netflix and wine, getting food on our faces, eating until our stomachs make round pleased hills, talking trash and swearing up storms more than we paint our nails. we don’t go to the store in cute-ugly clothes, we go because we forgot to buy tampons or we dropped all our rice on the ground or because we’re human and we need supplies to survive. 

there is a very strange body-positive rule where somehow, we always end up under the slogan “beautiful.” our loneliness, our adulthood, our moments where were are not even being judged - i should remind you that those are beautiful too. but the truth is that you don’t need to be beautiful. and these moments in particular, that belong to you: they’re yours, they don’t need to be told that they exist in some plane of desirability. who cares if they’re ugly, if they’re truly self-serving and unflattering and indelicate. when you are home, you are finally human, returned to skin that itches in awkward places and ugly habits and it’s okay. they won’t show you a version of that without laughing about it, but we are real, we don’t keep ourselves perfect in even our peaceful moments. it’s okay. i know you might be worried what happens if you get a partner or roommate and they learn you live this way, that you’re messy and forget to brush your teeth sometimes and get food all over the place when you eat and i’m telling you: you’re not unusual. you’re just human, and these moments aren’t somehow shameful. they’re not untouchable and unspeakable because they’re not pretty. because instead they’re human.

we aren’t here to be watched, and we don’t need your approval. we weren’t created to always please. sometimes we get to take a break from beautiful.

[fozmeadows]

when you are home, you are finally human, returned to skin that itches in awkward places and ugly habits and it’s okay. they won’t show you a version of that without laughing about it, but we are real

[softwaring]

[dxactivatxdusxr]

A group of rough looking boys walked past me today and all I heard of their conversation was “he’s got that anxiety disorder bro so I went with him so he’d be more comfortable” and it made me realise the world isn’t all that bad

[fitzefitcher]

#this is team skull

[its-just-a-phage]

The pet store I worked at had a pen with rabbits near the front door. On every side of the pen were huge signs saying “You can pet me, but don’t pick me up!” One day two absolutely huge guys came in and one immediately reaches into the pen to grab a rabbit. Before i could say anything his friend grabbed his arm and asked him “did you see the sign?” He said “yeah! it says that you can pick them up but don’t pet them!” Then he went quiet for a moment and softly said “I didn’t read it right did I?” And his friend just puts his arm on his shoulder and said “its ok, i know you’ve got that thing where words get mixed up. Let just pet these cute lil shits” And I still haven’t gotten over that interaction.

[yallmightt]

I was walking my dog through Boston bc he likes the likes car rides. He’s a little thing tbh we call him short and long. So this huge scary man with a full beard approaches me like “hey can my buddy and I pet your dog? He gets nervous around dogs but your’s is so small I think it’s a good place to start.” Ofc I was like “yes he’s very friendly!” So this guy brings his equally big friend over and they sit on the floor while this man looks terrified of my tiny dog so big man number one asks “can I pick him up?” And i say yes so he picks him up and puts him on man number two’s lap and man number two is abt to freak out and his friend straight up just goes “hey man, it’s okay just relax I’d never let anything hurt you. He’s a good boy.” I’ll never forget it ever bc I know that man looked at me (5'3 , glasses, probably wearing a sweater vest) and my dog (kinda goofy looking little thing) and was like ‘ah yes the two least intimidating living things I’ve seen in Boston all day he’ll feel relaxed around them’ and went out of his way to help his friend. It makes me so happy

[mintycoolnessisrelevant]

A good post, pure.

[raven-lunatic]

A biker in his 30s once walked into the bookstore I worked at. He had piercings, tattoos, and bruises, everywhere, was ripped and stout, and looked like he could take down anyone, anywhere. He put his worn helmet on the counter, looked at me, and said, “Do y’all carry Percy Jackson?” I replied, “Of course! I love those books. Percy is my favorite.” His face lit up like a Christmas tree, and he replied, “Oh, no–it’s Annabeth or BUST.” And for the next few minutes we talked about Greek myths, and I swear we both made each other’s day. 

[thegrumpymathematician-deactiva]

Reblog if you ARE a woman in STEM, SUPPORT women in STEM, or ARE STILL BITTER about Rosalind Franklin not getting credit for discovering the structure of DNA and the Nobel prize going to Watson and Crick instead.

[night-owlenthusiast]

since yr 9 since i learnt about franklin, it still pisses me off to this day

[jordanmcmakin]

(image source)

[somestudy]

1/8/2017: one week down, fifty-one more to go ~~ d(⌒ᴗ⌒)b

[littlestudyblrblog]

[triflingthing]

old friends in old libraries 

[balancethestorm]

Balance your chaos, and embrace it, for it will define who you truly are. a strong spirit. 

[bluely9]

[night-owlenthusiast]

this is so aesthetic holy..... 

teach me how