Carpe noctem

we are a poly DID system with 140(+) headmates and four subsystems trying to survive and heal . . our body is 26 years old and our collective name is Pan

[i-am-a-fish]

hey bro, can you give yourself some grace? cut yourself some slack? maybe treat yourself with the same patience and love you offer to your peers?

[heartbeat-sys]

plurality is beautiful. 50+ guys and none of us want to front

[traumasurvivors]

You’re allowed to grieve the childhood you didn’t get. The safety you were denied. The peace you had to earn the hard way. Grief doesn’t have to mean that you're stuck. And it’s okay if it takes time to let go of something you never even got to have.

[traumasurvivors]

Gentle reminder

It wasn’t your job to fix your parents.

It wasn’t your job to be calm, quiet, perfect, or invisible.

You were a child. You deserved compassion and love.

[museify]

[moonlitmeadowsys]

me a few years ago: why do i feel like i just came into existence when i was 12 or 13? why do i not really remember my childhood very well? why do i have such a horrible memory in general? why do my identity and behaviors vary so drastically?

me now: oh

[osddid-i-do-that]

For any system that needs to hear this:

Experiencing periods of silence in your brain is normal. You’re not making it up or faking or actually just a singlet just because you can’t hear other alters 24/7/365.

[fleshfictive]

NOT supportive to your system friends:

- "can you make [alter] front?"

- always asking who's fronting

- getting upset when they can't remember something

VERY supportive to your system friends:

- giving them money

- "here's $50 for you"

- relinquishing your money to them

- offering them money

[one-voice-of-many]

Idk maybe that's why

[debarked]

trauma so bad my coping mechanisms have names and pronouns

[osddid-i-do-that]

Having multiple things that affect memory is always a fun time because it’s like, Did I forget [thing I’m positive I Know] because of ADHD brain or chronic illness brain fog or did the info just never get handed off to the alter who was fronting at the time???

Or was it possibly all three at once???

[old-habitz-die-hard]

being a "singlet very interested in systems" to finding out you ARE a system pipeline is real

[nightgarden-system]

Started looking into DID when our body was 14.

Got diagnosed 9 years later, whoops 🥲

-Nia

[fetty-fazbear]

“Stop thinking of alters as separate people” this and “alters are each there own different entities that shouldn’t be blended” that

How about we let each system decide what feels best to them and stop policing systems that are already dealing with a very complex and varying disorder

[syscultureis]

sys culture is constantly being in a loop of "we're a sys", "wait maybe not", "no we definitely are" etc until you have access to actually being evaluated

.

[nightgarden-system]

Yeah still in that loop after 3 years of being diagnosed with DID, knowing most of our inner world, knowing (probably) most alters and working with them in therapy 😬 but hey maybe I'm just imagining it or making stuff up

-Nia (she/her)

[dissociated-bones]

Day 1 of recreating my old DID/OSDD memes

[nightgarden-system]

Sometimes I'm just devastated.

I'm the primary protector for this system and I've had that job for a couple of years now. On the inside I work closely with some of our gatekeepers and I take care of lots of traumaholding alters. Mostly children.

I like that job and I wouldn't change anything about it.

But on some days I'm devastated and speechless when I see what those traumaholders have to carry every day. The amount of pain, disgusting memories, flashbacks they have to live through on a daily basis, even though we are more than 400kms away from our abusers is so heartbreaking.

And it's making me angry. Anger isn't part of my "working style" but that shit hits on a different level.

And I am sorry to every traumaholder who carries this awful burden.

Not only in this system

All of you. I am sorry you have to live like this

And I believe you, the pain you're experiencing and it's not fair you have to feel that

You are not alone and I see you

-Reeve (he/him)

*I'm not used to writing about my thoughts and feelings like that and it feels really weird. But it was important to me to write those words down

[lesbianumbreon]

You are not a fake system because you can't hear your alters, most of us can't! Most people with DID have very limited communication between alters in general.

You are not a fake system because you don't know your headcount, or you don't know your alters names. That can take years! For some people, they need a long time in treatment to even get that ball rolling.

You are not a fake system because you don't know what other alters are doing. You don't need to know who dressed you this morning or who bought the food you're allergic to, high amnesia is normal.

Don't feel like any less of a system because of expectations set by the internet. You don't need to present the same way as people on the internet. The presentation of DID on the internet can be pretty atypical, so don't spend your time comparing.