12 Guys, 1 Braincell

For all the shit I can’t say on my main ✌️ AuDHD | Physically Disabled | DID | OCD | Queer & Nonbinary

[osddid-i-do-that]

Changed my blog name and focus as things have evolved.

Chronically ill. Part-time mobility device user. Neurodivergent - Autistic and ADHD.

What was suspected BPD turned out to be RSD (rejection sensitive dysphoria) tied to ADHD. Therapist helped officially rule out the BPD.

Things professionals have helped us rule out: Bipolar Disorder, various personality disorders, neurological disorders. (Most if these were things I specifically asked to be evaluated for because I thought they were more likely than DID.)

Suspected dissociative identity … thing. Either DID or OSDD. Confirmed plurality.

Officially diagnosed with DID (yay…?) & OCD.

Currently seeing a trauma aware therapist!

No longer keeping an open list of alters because that felt invasive. I’m not making any rules that they need to post with any identifiers.

This is an open journal. I’m looking to connect with others on the same journey. (Looking for friends that can relate 🥺👉👈) So if you’re just here to be an ass, you get the ban hammer.

To everyone else … 👋😊

[Updated 2024-12-20 @ 10:57]

[osddid-i-do-that]

For any system that needs to hear this:

Experiencing periods of silence in your brain is normal. You’re not making it up or faking or actually just a singlet just because you can’t hear other alters 24/7/365.

[osddid-i-do-that]

Replying here because I actually think this is important and I want it to be visible on reblogs!

Depends on what you mean by “hearing” them — I don’t tend to hear anyone like you’d hear someone irl speaking to you (I’ve had a couple instances where that happened but for me it’s /not/ the norm). Usually they sound the same as thoughts in my head. They just have more … agency??

But afaik some people don’t have that, either! Alter’s presence or “voice” can be more like feelings or vibes, usually you’ll notice them because they’re in conflict with what you’re feeling or they seem to come out of nowhere. (I get this as well!)

Or, maybe there isn’t any communication at all. Amnesia barriers can definitely be that high! It just means everyone is pretty separated out from each other. If your barriers are that high, you’ll be more likely to either have vague memories of doing things “you” wouldn’t normally do or say, or just flat out have more missing time/amnesia.

And it turns out amnesia is really difficult to pinpoint a lot of the time, because you don’t remember it happening! And a lot of “daily living” parts will have pretty high amnesia because it keeps us functional, so there could be instances of communication that you don’t know about because you’re cut off from that part of the system.

If you want to get to a point where you’re getting more communication, I really recommend (and for disclosure purposes I am not a doctor, just someone else with DID) journaling or keeping notes somewhere or even setting up discord so alters can talk to each other. It feels a bit like roleplay initially, especially when you aren’t used to “hearing” anyone, but it does help internal communication get better.

Even with that, though, there are times when I feel very much alone in my own head, and that’s still very “normal”.

[konoko]

sorry i'm being an absent friend i'm being an absent self too

[goth-queen]

[osddid-i-do-that]

What they don’t tell you about being an adult that sometimes carries a plushie around is that most people will be chill about it. Some adults might not want to talk to you but that’s okay because you probably don’t want to talk to those sorts of adults anyways.

[orthocase]

I guess I'm just not allowed to remember

[osddid-i-do-that]

Anyone else ever see something that resonates with a guy in your head you didn’t know was there and they’re just like, “oh that’s meeee!!!! That’s me af I FEEL SEEN!!!”

And you (host or something) are sitting there wondering who the hell this guy is and how long they’ve been there…?

[osddid-i-do-that]

Early trauma/c-ptsd making it more likely that you develop OCD and DID really feels like a cruel joke ngl

[alteredpanel]

host complex so strong you forget how the disorder works

[anxietyproblem]

[alteredpanel]

the beginning is never easy

[greelin]

people when trauma victims act traumatized especially in a way that is unpalatable to them because it involves lashing out and unpredictable moods and having boundary issues rather than just being demure, sad, and consumable

[anxietyproblem]

[mollyjames]

Wait hang on... was I traumatized as a teenager? *thinks about it for a bit* Well I can't remember anything traumatic so it's probably fine.

[mollyjames]

HEY

[hometoursandotherstuff]

[doctor-doodleman]

I should lock the fuck in *half an hour passes* I should lock the fuck in *half an hour passes* I should lock the fuck in *half an hour passes* I should-

[quasi-normalcy]

We have this interesting situation where we basically no longer have privacy nor the expectation of privacy, but we also don't have community or meaningful connection with others, so we're all simultaneously both completely exposed and absolutely alone, and please understand that when I say this situation is "interesting", what I in fact mean is that it's "nightmarish and I wish I could wake up"