Nonny here, do have a list of any writers you would recommend and maybe even one or two of their fics?
Would love some more reading material and thank you so much if you do end up sharing with me.
Hi Nonny! Absolutely, I do! There are a ton of amazing writers, both here and on AO3, especially for Star Trek since it's such a long-standing fandom. I will absolutely list some of my favorites, but please do not be afraid to explore the tags both on AO3 and here on tumblr, because there are a ton of amazing writers that I haven't encountered yet, and I'm probably leaving some out unintentionally. (I'm so sorry! My memory is like that of a gnat at times!)
Also, on my pinned welcome post under the "Keep Reading" there's a link you can click that will (hopefully) take you to all the posts I've tagged on here as fic recs! So feel free to take a look at that too!
I highly recommend any/all stories by the following authors, and beneath their names I'll list 2-3 of my favorite stories from each:
@creature-of-the-stars - on AO3 here as ToeBeansMcGee
"Weeds Among Stones" <- this is ongoing and brilliant and amazing and i love it 🥰
"Oh, Don't Mind Us" <- this is a oneshot sequel to another favorite called "Be Still" which is a multi-chapter that I adore 🫶
"Keep Your Enemies Closer"; the sequel "Rekkhai"; and the follow-up "Beyond Fortunate" <- just pure perfection *chef's kiss* 🤌
@bigblissandlove1 - on AO3 here as bigblissandlove
"The Raptor's Descent" <- many chapters and it gave us S'Talon and just utterly delicious 😍
"The Assignment" <- a gorgeous oneshot that gave me emotions 😭💖
"Surrender To Me" <- a long oneshot that made me fall in love with a side character 💚
@horta-in-charge - on AO3 here as Horta-In-Charge
"X Minus 1" <- it hab sad, wet-eyed Weyoun, I mean, what more could you want??? 👀💜
"Broken Covenant" <- cannot words enough to praise this sufficiently, so just go read it 🧡
"Fantasy" <- the emotions omfg THE EMOTIONS 😭💖
@starrynightgardens - on AO3 here as jaylens_twin
"Proposition" <- this fic and it's epilogue are gorgeous and I have read it so many times 🫶
"Things Unseen" <- this is an amazing multi-chapter fic and there are so many emotions 💚
"Regenesis" <- I...there are no words, this is so amazing 💜
@leopardcoffee - on AO3 here as Leopardcoffee
"Ashayam, I despise you" <- beautiful, chef's kiss, excellent! 💙
"Maroon" <- it's a wip and a damn good wip 🥰
"On Pause" <- the angst omfg 😭❤️
@crowfootwrites - on AO3 here as CrowfootWrites
"Devotion & Diplomacy" <- as far as I know, this is the first Star Trek fic they've written, and it's an absolutely gorgeous wip 💖
@stay-neurotic - on AO3 here as stayneurotic
"A Prisoner's Needs" <- how do I even words about this??? 🥵💜
The entire "Keevan and the Spy" series <- read the tags before you start; this scratches a very specific itch ❤️
The entire "A Hostage Situation" series <- read the tags before you start; this also scratches a very specific itch 💖
@maybeamultiverse - on AO3 as maybeamultiverse
"A Matter of Security" <- it has young Vreenak, so how could I not adore it??? 💚
"The Vulcan's Limerence" <- Solok/Sisko!!!!! 💙
"War Birds" <- this is honestly such a well-written Letant fic. ngl, the whole fic is fabulous, but the first three chapters live rent-free in my brain and they always will 🥵
@emilie786 - on AO3 as Emilie_786
The entire "Discs" series <- apparently I'm v behind in this series, but I've read the majority of it and I am SO IN LOVE WITH HOW THEY WRITE SHRAN 💙
"Paranoid" <- this is...how do I even describe how much I love this fic??? 🫶
"The Hug" <- god, this is just SO CUTE 🥺
@foreverforty2 - on AO3 as forever_42
"His Eyes Speak" <- read the tags for this one; honestly such an amazing fic! 👀 (have I even talked about this fic here?? if I haven't, then I've been very remiss!) to be completely transparent, I haven't read any of their other works, because (I believe) most of the rest are Star Wars centered, and I don't know pretty much anything about Star Wars.
@indignantlemur - on AO3 as IndignantLemur
"Emigre" <- obviously this is on there. a fabulous fic, excellent, wonderful, stupendous, glorious! if you like Andorians, this is the fic for you! 💙
"The Stars Keep Watch" <- badass Andorian from SNW my beloved 🥰
@sleepycat82 - on AO3 as MeowMeowPowPow
"Grace Under Pressure" <- a gorgeous Letant/Reader/Vreenak fic that deserve a ton of love 💜
"Emergency Surgery" <- istfg one of the few good things to come from PIC is Krinn, and I'm so excited to see where this wip takes his character 👀
"The Wager" <- I literally just saw that this existed and I'm about to go start it. 💚
@ericbogosbian - on AO3 as Vorta_Scholar
"Testing the Effects" <- yes i'm outing myself as a Data smut enjoyer, but this...it's good Data smut 💛
Any of their Sito Jaxa/Vorik works 🫶
"Reprieve" <- omfg this is some good smut that i honestly didn't know I needed til I found it!! 💜
@attention-bajoranworkers - on AO3 as beyond_antares
"Just this once (and then once again)" <- this is a gorgeous wip and it will continue to be gorgeous. Dukat smut, my beloved 💖
"Moments" <- such sweet Malcolm fluff 💙
@schn-tgai-scripted - on AO3 as SchntgaiScripted
"A Good Vulcan Husband" <- this fic has made SUCH A MESS OF ME (in a good way, obviously) 💚
"See A Need" <- this was the first Vorik fic I ever read and I will always recommend it. it has some smut, some feels...i love it 💛
"A Bad Vulcan Prophet" <- read the tags; I...I don't even...I just love it 🖤
@brokenblade-legendarycreature - on AO3 as BrokenBlade
"Exceptional Airs and Dances" <- MORE WIIIINEEE 🍷
"Make It Harder" <- I feel no shame for the copious amount of times I've read this particular Dukat smut 💖
"Spa Service (Relief)" <- I just...yep. 💜
@love-at-first-contact - on AO3 as Graphite_crumble
The entire "Gwemmer" series <- Hemmer and an OC being adorable af. what more could you want??? 🤍
The entire "Vorik and Juna" series <- this pair is just utterly precious. I love them 💛
"Together" <- Vorik/Reader/Taurik fic...omfg I just...I have so many feelings about this 👀
@shibonoku - on AO3 as Shibonoku
Literally any of their Vorik fics. they're just absolutely fabulous 💖
Also, any of their Solok fics 💙
itsthemirrorforme on AO3 (no idea if they have a tumblr tbh)
literally all of them. read the tags first, of course, but all of them!! 💜
WikkityTweak on AO3 (no idea if they have a tumblr)
"Holosuite Number 3" <- This is THE FIC that made me fall in love with Senator Letant 💚 the author mentioned a potential sequel, but they haven't updated since 2016, so...for now i'll simply savor this fic's existence.
"True Weakness" <- this is an awesome Solok fic 🖤
@eyes-of-the-fox - on AO3 as dhiamn_aehallhh
"Small Tales" <- these are gorgeous stories; the Soval/Forrest ones are my favorite 💙
Honestly, all of their Maxwell Forrest/Soval fics are gorgeous 🫶
@the-stags-cave - on AO3 as StagofRomulus - alternately find vem on Quotev here as Stag of Romulus
"Ahr'ehraet Hru'rhaarhno: Season 1" <- half Romulan McCoy!!!!!!! Also McCoy/Spock SCREEEEE 💜
Admittedly I haven't read all of ver works, but vey are such a great writer, I can't help but recommend literally all of those stories!!
Just passing by dropping these, since I didn't found anything on Parem…That being said, these summaries gives me ideas. Love the way they poinpoint Rekar's "close bond" with Nevala…This boy is 100% a servant of these ladies to me.
(From a Romulan Senator who was just there for work and then fell in love and did the ROMULAN THING)
3 Months Prior to the Letant Incident(Hirens’ Headache)
Vreenak was strolling along a nearly empty hotel podium at one of the many diplomatic planetary missions he was attending for the Romulan Empire.
While taking a stroll and minding his business he accidentally collided(well someone collided)with another life form. Being Romulan, he was sturdier than he looked(with his pointy eared,ridge having shoulder padded fine self) and took no damage to his person. The opposite could not be said for the individual who hit him, seeing as she was sprawled on the floor and the wind literally knocked out of her.
Vreenak: (Peers down at prone form) Are you alright human?
Y/N: (Laying on the floor & squinting to see who bumped into her)Do I look alright Mr.Pointy? Of all the times I have to run into a brick wall?! It has to be a pointy eared one? Sits up and starts looking for her glasses.
Vreenak: (Takes a closer look at her, and get dumbstruck, literally the deer in the headlights look)
Y/N goes on all fours while still searching for her glasses
Vreenak: Looks at the human whos crawling on the floor and his eyes dilate, starts having heart palpitations, lightheadedness, a tightening of some lower part of his anatomy and feeling as if the room is too small and hot. Speaking Rihan “No, this has to be a joke. This is impossible” Nonononono! This should not be happening to me. He’s unconsiously thinking how adorable she looks scrunching her face while looking irritated, and how her position is giving him very nsfw images.
Y/N: (Feels Vreenak staring at her) Hey! Stop talking & staring and help me find my glasses?
Vreenak: (Comes out of his stupor feeling offended at the comment) I dont know what you are looking for?Looks at the human to see her mimicry of goggle eyes with her hands. (Starts thinking she looks ridiculous with her gestures but is cute and so adorable & starts blushing green from the tips of his ears)
Y/N: Its a frame for my eyes called eyeglasses and I use it to see. It fell off my face when you bumped into me. (Goes back to searching for it)
Vreenak: Still confused(are human eyesight so bad??) and sees something at his feet and picks it up. (Doesnt move from his position since he likes the view of y/n (perving on her already) on all fours on the floor).
Y/N: (Sighs) Gives up trying to find her glasses(rolls over and lays back down on the floor). Hey Pointy McPointster, lend me a hand to get up. I also might need you to take me to my room since I cant see within an ich of my face. (puts her arm up)
Vreenak: (mumbles to himself my human is addlebrained) Walks towards her and reaches out his arm to pull her up.
Y/N: (Blurrily sees the arm) Grabs it and gets pulled up and feels a jolt when their hands touched. She also feels something slide on her face (starts smiling because its her eyeglasses and she can see) and an arm around her waist but winces because her shoulder got dislocated by the force of his pull.
Vreenak: Feels the electricity with their joined hands and his reaction is to pull her closer to him. Hes still in disbelief because hes clearly having the Romulan Version of Shon-ha’lock(Vulcan love at first sight) because of this human. She’s so close to him that he can see the dark color of her eyes that are twinkling at him merrily behind that contraption.
Y/N: (Sees Vreenak clearly and likes what she’s looking at) Well, youre not a Vulcan wall I was expecting, but still a type of vulcanoid brickwall.(gives him a lil smile while still being held by him).
Vreenak:(The urge to keep her this close to him rears its head. He’s unconsiously daydreaming of having her forever). He felt her wince & realizes that the force of his pull might have hurt her. An Idea starts forming in his head(and he starts smirking unconsciously). Im sorry Ms?
Y/N: Its L/N, my names Y/N. You can call me by my first name.
Vreenak: Y/N seeing that I caused you bodily harm! Allow me to help with your dislocated shoulder as well as administering some basic first aid so I can ascertain your wellbeing? My quarters are not too far from here and it would expedite your recovery.( Hes asking whatever deity is listening that she would say yes).
Y/N Pauses for a minute and looks at Vreenak. Thinks about whether its safe to go to this mans room alone?
Vreenak:(starts to get anxious) If you are worried about your safety I assure you that there are plenty of witnesses (gestures at some of the hotel staff) who will see you coming into and leaving my room once Ive given you aid.
Looks at her earnestly and she smiles at him, agrees and he leads her to his room, passing some of the local hotel staff and midnight concierge who were looking at them with equal parts amusement, confusion and surprise.
Vreenak just smirks at all of them while opening the door and letting y/n go inside his room.
(WEAR HEADPHONES/EARPHONES) PLSSS ITS NSFW
WATCH THE VIDEO
What happened inside his room:
Having been in the diplomatic/senatorial (and secret squirrel Tal’Shiar) profession for most of his career, Vreenak knew about the local custom. They had an affinity for odd numbers and the only time that two unmated individuals(pair) would be seen together in public was when declaring partnership or declaring to finally mate by going into each others private space with the progression of conjugal ties. All that was needed was witness(es) to have seen the pair in a space (to be considered affianced) or when the pair is seen going into each others private venue where they need to stay a certain amount of time and with some proof that congress has occured for the legal conjugal union. The witnesses would tell the local officiant(i.e any elder or person within a position of power) and the pair would be considered for all intents and purposes together.
With Romulan cunning(and luck from the Elements) he was able to keep Y/N in his room for the allotted time, with the supposed proof(Watch the video) from the witnesses(es) and was officially declared married by the local planetary customs. Now how he would break it to his new wife was a totally different story.
I just had a birthday and, thanks to my fandom ties, I'm truly the easiest person ever to shop for. Like, get me anything Star Trek and I'm soooo happy. So, here's some photos from a book my best friend got me for my birthday!
I am feeling a bit better. Working very hard lately-- 75 hour work week! Ah! Hopefully, I can upload a chapter of something soon.
Description: in this story Vreenak from "In the Pale Moonlight" is a changeling and it's discovered. The real senator is rescued and brought aboard DS9 where he has to stay until his health improves after a long period of imprisonment. Reader is a local security officer who grows a little too familiar with the station's new inhabitant...
Warning: use of Y/N; reader is a friend of some original characters (Jadzia, Julian etc.); Romulan/Human romance; mutual pining; both believe this relationship is doomed (but everything is resolved in the end); angst with a happy ending, reader gets severely injured (slight description); touch telepathy; mention of "Romeo and Juliette" by Shakespeare, implied (but not described) intimacy; some fluff; Vreenak is a softie when he wants to be.
(I'm sorry if I use any of them wrong, I'm still yet to master this language)
The Promenade was bustling with noise and movement. People from all corners of the galaxy from stolid Vulcans to impetuous Andorians could be found here, creating a colorful crowd of different appearances, cultures and opinions, peacefully – on most occasions – co-existing on board of Deep Space 9.
Me and Dax were comfortably nestled at Quark’s, chatting and observing people. My shift had just ended; welcoming a lazy feeling of content that would always come after a productive day, I was slowly taking sips of my drink, wandering what I would like to spend my evening on. Maybe, I would read that new book Julian recommended, or watch an old movie. Or just take a shower and go to sleep… In any way I would be lying down, head on my soft pillow, and devil himself wouldn’t force me up until I had my rest.
The train of my thoughts paused as a tall, slender figure leisurely proceeded inside and took a seat on the other side of the counter. The person made sure to distance himself from other customers, his regal posture appearing a bit out of place in its prideful solitude. Tall eyebrows and pointy ears, accompanied by a sullen look on his face, would make it very easy to mistake the man for a Vulcan, if not for his clearly Romulan uniform.
My gaze must have lingered on him a tad too long, and it backfired.
– If you continue looking at the poor guy like this, you will drill a hole. – Jadzia commented, smirking.
I shot her a sarcastic look.
– If he is bothering you so bad, why don’t you just come and talk to him?
– Have you tried talking to a Romulan? Their arrogance instantly kills any enthusiasm to hold a conversation.
The Trill chuckled
– Maybe, but I heard from Sisko he was not that bad. After all, it’s not a changeling anymore, is it?
I lifted my glass and took another sip. Indeed, senator Vreenak the captain had a meeting with a month ago was not the same person sitting at the moment before my sight with an artificially synthesized Kali-fal in his hand. By some extremely lucky chance the fact of substitution was revealed during the imposter’s stay on Deep Space 9, and our people arranged a rescue mission while there was still someone to rescue.
The senator was in a critical state when he was found and ripped out of the Dominion’s claws. In fact, it was so bad, the Romulan government and the Federation both agreed to leave him at the station until he would fully recover.
As it could be expected, real Vreenak didn’t sympathize with the Founders in the slightest. Sharing Sisko’s wariness, he pointed out the necessity of an alliance between Humans and Romulans to fight a common threat. However, what the changeling nailed perfectly during his stay was the senator’s demeanor. I flinched at the memory of a look he sent me across the corridor as I passed him, laughing with my friends, previously that day.
– He is still a jerk who, I bet, is very displeased with his superior Romulan ass being saved by flimsy Earthlings! – I spit out with a shrug.
– Or, maybe, he is lonely and isolated in environment that he and his people have got used to treating as hostile. I wouldn’t say he is wrong – we are no fonder of Romulans than they are of us. Yet, Vreenak can look past that. Not like it’s doing him a big favor, he is just a politician and we all are about to face an intergalactic war, but…
Her hand landed on my shoulder.
– It still means something, Y/N. If you didn’t know better, you wouldn’t look at him the way you’ve been for the past two weeks.
Warm tingling spread over my cheeks. Had I actually been staring at him for so long? Yeah, I must have… Judging by the fact that, even for a security officer I was, his face was printed way too accurately into my mind.
– I do think he is attractive, actually. – Jadzia’s lips curled into a teasing smile. – Those blue eyes… Such a striking color for someone of his species, don’t you think? So, unusual, combined with his raven hair. But an alluring one nevertheless…
– Shut up. – I grumbled and brushed her hand aside in annoyance. – He might hear you.
My face was burning. I looked down at my glass only to find it empty, and set it on the counter with a frustrated sigh.
– Besides… If there was anything… A Romulan and a Human? Please. We are not compatible.
– No one can know for sure…
– Dax. Let’s drop the topic. I’m serious.
My friend only flashed me a toothy smile in response.
After that we spend another half an hour discussing less “stimulating” topics. Finally, tiredness started to grow on me; I bid my good bye and left the bar. On the way to my quarters I couldn’t help but replay the conversation in my head, an image of Vreenak’s sharp features highlighted by deem lights of the facility stuck in my mind. Somehow, it was endearing.
I shook my head.
Even if Dax was right and I did have feelings for that haughty clown… A fish can’t learn to fly, and a bird can’t live in a river.
Daily dose of messages, instructions and reports had been sorted out. Vreenak put the PADD aside, his head still buzzing with facts to settle.
After long years of suspicion and estrangement it was required of him to establish a bond between Romulus and the Federation.
What a strange feeling to process. Their greatest opponents, former enemies in a long and bloody war were offering an alliance. His father once said: “Humans are the most ridiculous creatures you can encounter. They hit hard, but they cry doing it.” Back then Vreenak didn’t understand what he meant. But the longer he lived in contact with that species, the better he saw through those words.
Few ludicrous voices who’d been screaming about siding with the Dominion must have had zero idea on what it would result into in the long run. Prejudice in them spoke louder than reason… Or, maybe, they were just fake puppets – like Vreenak not so long ago.
He took the PADD again and re-opened Velen’s report.
“Senators Tilok and Narissek, aside from briefing sessions, spend all their time inside their houses. Tilok’s wife is displeased with a reduced level of intimacy between her and her husband.”
That seemed suspicious enough.
Maybe, Velen could be assigned to conduct a little experiment on those two…
An involuntary smile stretched Vreenak’s lips as he thought about it. Being a vice chairman of Tal’Shiar had its benefits.
Soon, however, his face went serious.
Changelings or not, those voices had to be silenced at any cost. Being “surrounded” as captain Sisko reasonably noted, was inevitable and deadly for the Romulan Empire and its people, unless they did something about it. All the Dominion wanted was power, control. Expansion. It couldn’t be bargained with – the Founders preferred taking anything “for free” aka by force. Speaking of the force, they could hardly be fought with.
Yet, if under their reign death and destruction were only a matter of time, turning guns against them saved a chance – a very narrow one, but a chance – to survive. Unlike the Founders, humans had something that could be considered both their flaw and virtue – respect for other’s life, regardless of whose life was on the table.
An automatic clock on the nightstand showed 2 in the morning. Stiffing a yawn, Vreenak stood up and went to change before bed. Those matters could wait until another day.
Tugging the uniform off, he glanced at the mirror. His body almost returned to its normal state – human doctors knew what they were doing. Occasional moments of vertigo and general weakness remained a bother, but Bashir, a quite competent young man, assured him they were soon to disappear.
The senator chuckled at the memory of opening his eyes to that lad hovering over his face with some ridiculous tool in his hand. Human faces always looked a bit odd… Too ingenuous.
As his thoughts roamed about the subject, a soft pang struck through his chest.
That girl at the bar. Y/N, was she? A security officer. He spotted her a few days prior and finally got the chance to take a closer look. She and her Trill friend were gossiping about him. As far as he could tell, she was somewhat… intrigued by his presence? At least her cheeks blushed quite profusely at her friend’s fluttering comments regarding Vreenak’s appearance.
Of course, he heard that his kind, or what was left of it on Vulcan, appeared to be attractive to Terrains, and that feeling was mutual. Ambassador Sarek got himself a human wife. Romulan people not once indulged in soft human “treats”, though on much more… questionable terms. Personally, Vreenak’d always preferred stoic and resilient women of his world, yet…
Y/N… she was so undeniably compelling…
A memory of her, like sweet fog, enshrouded Vreenak’s mind. Her eyes, her shoulders, hair… They were exotic to his eye, yet extremely tempting. Like a fruit you have yet to try, but which sight makes you salivate.
The man in the mirror lifted his eyebrows in sarcasm.
Even if peace between their nations was to last, cultural differences would never allow such relationships. He wasn’t the kind of person to seek himself a toy to enslave; his mate either wanted to stay with him or was free on go, otherwise it would hardly be a marriage. That had to be a marriage – fleeting affairs, especially with non-Romulans, would affect his political career. Something he was not ready to give up.
Aware of irritation swelling in his heart the senator quickly changed into the casual wear and slid under the blanket.
Y/N’s laughter was ringing in his ears, and Vreenak groaned, clenching the pillow around his head.
The criminal was escaping.
I gritted my teeth. That damned Ferengi and his shady customers! One day he was doomed to lose those gigantic ears of his!
Willing myself to move faster, I made a few desperate leaps in Telarian’s direction and almost grabbed him by the collar – only to miss for the second time in a row.
An answer to that was a bolt of energy flying over my shoulder. A few startled creams cut through the agitated crowd.
“Stars give me patience!”
That was a shame Odo and others had fallen behind. I was on my own and out of my breath, holding on by pure spite. A necessity to dodge away from phaser shots and swarming customers did little to help.
Meanwhile, we were about to meet the end of the Promenade – that bastard was probably going for the turbolifts! – which meant his chances to slip away to the docks were only solidifying. My chest was on fire. Spiky head of the Telarian was lurking just a few steps away, but my legs refused to listen, and the distance was growing inexorably between us.
Yet, just when my hope was running thin, a dark silhouette jumped out of nowhere.
The phaser was unceremoniously torn out of the criminal’s hands. Overbearing power slammed him against a wall, the Telarian’s frame trembling at gunpoint of his own weapon.
– Now what is this all about!? – I shouted, fearing the prospect of facing two opponents instead of one. That’s what would usually happen if my target had “bills to pay”.
The second person’s head turned in my direction. I’d already trotted close enough to perceive its features, and my jaw dropped.
– Need help, lieutenant?
A familiar deep voice hit me like a splash of cold water. For a moment I couldn’t force a word, completely dumbfounded, staring at Vreenak pointing a phaser at my targets’s temple. Despite the occasion, he looked as dazzling as ever, dominant stance and fierce determination in his eyes only adding to his charms.
Fingers of his left hand were digging into the Telarian’s neck. A pained whimper from the latter sobered me.
– Y-yes, thank you, senator. – I hurried to reply, pulling out handcuffs.
Vreenak made sure the criminal remained still while I was securing his limbs behind his back. Just as I finished, Odo appeared. Smooth face of my commanding officer lit up at the sight of the catch, but gloomed again as he glanced at the Romulan beside me.
– Lieutenant Y/N was struggling to neutralize a threat, so I offered some assistance. – Vreenak explained calmly.
– That’s very thoughtful of you, senator, - Odo’s nonexistent lips tightened in a thin line - but I strictly advise you to abstain from such actions in the future. The suspect was armed, you could have been injured or killed. I don’t need losses among civilians. Is that clear?
– Perfectly, constable. – The politician slightly nodded in agreement. – I apologize.
Odo returned the gesture and took a hold onto the finally harmless Telarian.
– Now you, my friend, have something important to tell me. – He grumbled. His gaze softened as it switched to me. – Y/N, thank you for your service. Take some rest. I’ll wait for your report this evening.
– Yes, chief. Thank you, chief. – I straightened up.
With that, Odo left, dragging the guy into his office.
At last, the moment came to grant my aching legs and lungs some mercy. Panting, I slumped against the nearest wall, eyes closed, tension leaving my body and giving away just how exhausting the chase was. Wet uniform rubbed uncomfortably against my skin – I definitely had to change into something else before returning to my duties…
An object, hard and cool, bumped into my chest.
I flinched and opened my eyes.
– You are dehydrated. – Vreenak stated simply, a glass of water hovering under my nose.
It was a well known fact that Romulans were not to be trusted. No one would own a title of the most treacherous race in the galaxy for nothing after all. I critically glanced at the water, my brain soundly insisting to refuse.
Still… I was so thirsty. And any reasons for the senator to poison me hardly had a base. I allowed myself to shush my suspicions and, eagerly, downed the glass in one go.
When I looked at him again, Vreenak was smirking slightly, not in a vicious, but somewhat tender manner.
– That Telarian must have been a difficult game to hunt, I assume?
– He sure has! – I expressly confirmed, smiling at his playful tone. – But with your help, senator, he’ll be behind bars in no time… huh… I mean to say I’m forever grateful, sir.
The Romulan raised a brow.
– Your superior officer didn’t look very pleased with my interference, however.
I couldn’t help but chuckled.
– Odo simply wants everyone to be safe, that’s all. Don’t take offence in his words, sir – he might be a bit grumpy, but his heart is in the right place… if you can say so about a changeling.
Vreenak’s eyes were locked with mine, curious, unwavering. I didn’t really know if it was them or weakness after running at my very limit, but my knees were buckling. Mesmerizing from afar, the Romulan was outright majestic up close from sharp points of his ears to an exceptionally well-tailored gown wrapping around his slender, a bit angular shape. And even if not for his looks, Vreenak’s charismatic presence could win anyone over.
I couldn’t stare at him forever though. Collecting myself, I drew in a big breath.
– In any way, senator, I believe I have to return to my post. Thank you, again, and…
– Vreenak.
Thick blush flooded my cheeks.
– I b-beg your p-pardon, sir?
– Call me Vreenak, please. I’d prefer if we put ceremonies aside.
“OK, Y/N, don’t freak out!”
– Y-yes… Vreenak.
– That’s better.
He moved towards me, gently taking the glass I didn’t realize I was twirling. His velvety baritone could be compared to the finest music.
– Then I hope you won’t mind if, from now on, I call you Y/N, will you?
Running not so long ago, I thought my heart couldn’t pound harder. Well, I was clearly wrong. It required a conscious effort not to start jumping around like a stupid fan girl or fall pathetically right into his arms.
– Not at all! Th-that will do!
– Exellent.
Before my brain would melt into a puddle, I decided to leave. Yet, just as I was about to try and excuse myself again, his next sentence nailed me to the floor.
– I noticed you at Quark’s yesterday. Maybe, you would like to share a bottle of Kali-fal with me this evening? Around 20, to be exact.
Oh, my.
“Is he really asking me out!???”
– I prefer sweeter drinks.
His face strained almost invisibly. I gulped.
– That’s perfectly acceptable. But… Will you still come?
“Is it my imagination, or… he sounds hopeful?”
– Yes. I will.
– Then I see you there. Good bye… Y/N. I hope the rest of your day is going to be less troublesome.
The senator turned on his heels. I watched in pure astonishment as he was walking away, speed of my thoughts reaching sound barrier.
Maybe I had to ask Odo for a day out… due to overworking.
Yeah, definitely due to overworking…
I was rather nervous to cross the line between accidental acquaintance and a promise for something more intimate between Vreenak and myself.
Aside from quite… subjective matters which made butterflies flutter in my stomach, some facts about the senator were impossible to ignore. Vreenak was a dangerous man. Not just a member of an alien government, but a vice chairman of Tal’Shiar, an organization with no honor, morality or mercy in its codex’s lexicon. On a whim, he could squish me under his thumb and forget I even existed, no evidence left.
It made only more questions arise.
What did he want from me? Company to pass the time? Pleasure? Information? Who knew. In a few hours left before our scheduled “date” I couldn’t shake the feeling that I was led into a trap.
Rejecting him, though, was out of the question – I’d already given the senator my word. Besides, rejecting a man of his abilities and influence was risky anyway. But going unprotected was foolish too. I would have to put on something fancier than my work wear for the evening like that, but I knew exactly what kind of outfit could successfully conceal a phaser.
Once all preparations were set, I arrived at Quark’s, expectedly distressed and alert like a bunny about to be fed to a fox.
Vreenak came in shortly after. Just like me, he was wearing a civilian attire; it was a costume similar to those of Vulcan ambassadors, yet with sharper lines and inescapable shoulder pads. Despite my worry, I noted that it fit him quite well.
He took a seat across from mine, tips of his lips curling upwards as his gaze wandered about my body.
– I apologize. – The senator started in a friendly tone. – So inconsiderate of me to come late… especially when there is so much to miss out if I’m not careful.
I should have predicted it; his tongue was his greatest weapon.
– It’s perfectly fine, se… hm, Vreenak. I was a bit early.
He hummed, cocking his head. Playful sparks were twinkling behind his eyes.
We ordered food and drinks. Our small exchange didn’t make the situation less awkward for me; I didn’t really know what to talk about and would probably do nothing but stare into my plate all evening, if not for my companion. He took the initiative with readiness of a professional, asking about my life, hobbies, family. I did everything to remain as demure as politeness allowed, yet he had such an enthralling way with words that, dare I say, I was practically swept off my feet.
The ice was broken, and so came the flood. Personal topics invited a possibility for a broader, ideals-driven ones, and our casual chatting swiftly grew into a full-blown debate, opinions clashing upon each other with a chime of swords. His assault was unrelenting, but so was mine. With how invested we were in our little battle, it was most possible we received quite a number of awkward looks. We didn’t care though. At least, by the end of our date I certainly didn’t.
My brain was not the only one having fun. A few times in the heat of argument I made Vreenak laugh. That rich, breathy sound was one of the most beautiful things I’d ever heard. I couldn’t get enough of how irresistibly handsome he was while relaxed and, something was telling me, genuinely enjoying himself. It would be no wonder: discussions and wits were his native waters; he could weave silk out of them!
I completely forgot about caution; once I let go of the phaser under my clothes, I forgot about it too. The whole experience was unmatched. Vreenak’s presence felt electrifying; his gaze spoke of wisdom and mystery. On one occasion, he was a storm cloud, ready to burst in flames, but on the other – just as soft and enticing as one. With him, I felt rejuvenated. Careless. Happy.
Once we both had our share of drinks (and a light headache) Vreenak escorted me to my quarters. Trying to keep last bits of my sanity, I made an attempt to separate from the senator before we would come upon my door – and failed yet again. We talked a few more minutes before I found strength to cut it off and sneak inside.
Drained, hot, and weirdly satisfied, I slid down the wall, unable to suppress a giggle.
To my own shame, it was one of the best evenings I had on the station so far.
Every new meeting seemed to bring me and Vreenak a little bit closer together. It equally pleased and bothered me. With more days passing by I only fell harder for our Romulan passenger. Yet, a tiny voice at the back of my head never stopped warning me about dangers awaiting a frail human on the path like this.
For Romulans, life was war. Their tactics in any war was deception; a Romulan would play nice, wait patiently for you to lower your guard, to trip on your own feet, and then – snap!..Was it a walk in the station’s greenhouse or another dinner, I constantly watched my back, trying very hard not to be fooled by that kind smile Vreenak gave me very time he saw me and which had slowly become something I looked forward to. He was just like all of them, I tried to convince myself. And the more I did, the more I cursed both my romanticism and my cynics.
It was yet another of my shifts. I was at my post on the Promenade, and Vreenak came by for a chat – a small gesture that had already become a ritual.
– Good morning, Y/N. – He greeted me, earning a nod in response. – How was your night? No more unwanted guests, I hope?
The memory tore a tired groan out of me.
– Thankfully, no. And I hope there won’t be any.
Four days ago terrorists attempted – and failed – to blow up Sisko’s quarters. Everyone had been a bit jumpy since then; members of security, including myself, were working double time, keeping an eye on anybody just slightly suspicious. Lack of sleep bore heavily on me, and I could wait for the moment when Odo would dismiss the new order of his.
Vreenak sighed. He looked naturally collected and dignified, but it couldn’t conceal his own dark eye bags. Why did he have those?
– Something was keeping you up lately too, I see. – I pointed out, worry seeping through just a little more than I wished for.
– Normal business. – He shrugged. – Even with additional time evaluable to me right now it’s difficult to manage all current tasks… Especially, because I can’t actually put my hands on them… while being so far away from home.
Vreenak’s face dropped just slightly. I bit my lip.
It was easy to relate to homesickness after years in space. For him, it must have been even worse, given months of torture and despair he had to endure in captivity.
Urged to comfort him, I pulled my hand in Vreenak’s direction, but, thankfully, I cut myself off before he noticed. Vulkanoids were very sensitive to touch, and our closeness was not quite enough to be that intimate.
Instead, I offered Vreenak a reassuring smile.
– It must be exhausting to carry so much on your own.
– Nothing a decent Romulan can’t handle. - A prideful chest puff provoked a giggle from my side. I smiled wider.
– Sure thing.
Cozy silence nestled between us. He stood close enough for me to feel heat radiating from his body, and I relished in that subtle proof of his presence. Sneakily, I admired him.
His mind was wandering elsewhere, frame relaxed and full of quiet loftiness. Neatly sculptured features of his face spoke of a long life, many hard decisions and concerns locked behind. Cold, somewhat predatory beauty possessed every curve and wrinkle. Both wild and precise, it reminded of rocky mountains and freezing winds ruling northern skies.
For the first time I thought that, even if his intentions with me were not mercenary, it was still strange that Vreenak chose someone like me to chase away solitude. I was an inexperienced youngling compared to him; his lifespan, even with how old he was, would undoubtedly outrun mine. Vreenak must have seen and learnt so much. He’d achieved the heights one could only dream of. Even if I couldn’t agree with him on certain things, his strength, persistence and will to thrive were worthy of the highest respect. How could I ever match him? Hypothetically, would I be enough for a man like him?
Occupied with the question, I didn’t outright register a subtle change in the environment.
A high-pitched, repetitive noise, almost inaudible through chattering of abundant visitors, was going off somewhere very close by.
Vreenak’s expression changed to confusion. We shared glances.
– Do you hear that? – He mumbled under his breath, warily squinting around.
My eyes widened.
– EVERYONE, ON THE FLOOR!!!
Converting my whole strength into the motion, I grabbed Vreenak by the shoulders and yanked him downwards, landing on top.
Thunder of an explosion shook the Promenade right behind us.
Monstrous roar and screeching of torn metal left me deaf. A wave of hot air and hard pieces of whatever was destroyed hit us with a force of a train, tons of dust and smoke making every inhale a struggle. Vaguely aware of dull pain in my sacrum and stomach, I crawled off of the Romulan, both of us coughing and cursing, each in their own language.
– Y/N!
– What!?
– I said “Are you all right?”
– I think so…
The answer came automatically. I didn’t know if I was all right. Everything was blurry and shifting, pleas for help mixed with an annoying bell ringing in my skull. My limbs were meek and soft, as if made of cotton. Trying to stand up, I shrieked and collapsed back helplessly, pain rapidly growing stronger.
There were red stains on the floor.
“Oh, God”
My vision started to darken. Strong hands roughly tossed me onto my back; a short gasp followed.
– For the Elements’ sake…
Vreenak?
– Someone, call doctor Bashir, quickly! She will bleed out!..
There were more words, but I couldn’t understand a thing. The pain was immense; I wanted to scream, but my throat betrayed me. I was held, sensation tight, warm, yet helpless to compete with cold shivers shaking my body.
The outside didn’t matter anymore.
Everything went black, and I fell into nothingness.
After a thorough examination Bashir concluded that the senator, aside from a few minor scratches, got off easy, while Y/N and a few unsuspecting customers who were shopping nearby suffered the main impact of the bomb. Some people died before medics could get to them; Y/N survived, but her torso was sliced and pierced through by sizable shards of steel and plastic, causing damage to vital organs.
Her bravery spared Vreenak serious injuries and, quite possibly, saved his life.
The senator snarled in helpless anger.
He was pacing back and forth in his quarters, heels of his military boots clanking against the floor. Passing a table, he abruptly stopped and hit his fists into it, leaning against the structure.
Vreenak could still feel the grip of her little fingers on his forearms. When their bodies collided in a fall, he, accidentally, saw a flash of her thoughts. Y/N intentionally made it so that he would happen underneath her. Not fear of death, but for his life was her first response to a threat.
If only she knew how much more he cared about her than himself.
The constable promised to let Vreenak know when the attackers were found. But was there any use of them for him? It didn’t really matter whose hands planted that bomb. The Dominion was simply trying to get rid of him. At first they wanted to strike down Sisko and put the blame on Vreenak to create political tension – they even left some Romulan biomaterial at the crime scene. Fortunately, their own clumsiness led them to their demise.
Clumsiness!
Y/N’s limp body was lying in the infirmary. That was the cost of his, Vreenak’s clumsiness.
Vreenak breathed heavily, sweat glistening on his brow as he tried to fight the choking feeling of dread.
That was his punishment, too. He’d grown attached; attachments were a weakness, a waste of time and energy. She was just another human, a pathetic, miniscule being far below him… He should have known better. He should have forced himself to leave when the feeling became too strong. He should have stayed away from her in first place! He told that himself on the very first day when he spotted her at the bar...
He should have.
He couldn’t care less, though, craving to be greeted with her rosy human face and charming, clever wits every day as if it was a basic need.
There was his PADD glowing beside his hand. Rows of letters, tied into words. She said it was called “Romeo and Juliette”; Terrains deemed that poem to be the greatest, most tragic piece of romance ever written. Two young souls embraced love, contradicting everlasting hatred between their families, and fell victims to unforgiving wheels of fate. At first, naiveté of the story left Vreenak rather unimpressed, but, once he found himself between said wheels, Vreenak realized just how truthful and cruel it was in its simplicity.
Ironic, huh? A prospect of losing Y/N suddenly made poisons look a lot more attractive…
The senator pressed a button and the words faded.
Sisko’s insistent advice, almost an order, was for Vreenak to remain in his quarters to avoid repetitions of the assault – a reasonable measure, no questions asked. But after a whole day of not being able to see her the senator was about to start climbing on the walls. Even if his mind was telling him it was wrong, his heart selected Y/N to be his mate, his e’lev. He had to be with her – there was nothing worth not going.
Besides… It was unlikely they would try to kill him again so soon.
Vreenak lifted himself up and headed to the med bay.
Just like the last time, Deep Space 9 quickly recovered after the disturbance. Personnel of the station was running around the Promenade all the same; from the second floor Vreenak saw a few human or bajorian figures among ruins of the shop that got damaged the most, hassling about some technical issue. Blood was long cleaned, bodies taken away. Next day the facility would be operational again. Recent tragedy was as if forgotten, the only sign of it being a bunch of gapers rating the mess and pointing fingers at random objects. At the sight of them the senator tsked. Foolish idlers.
As Vreenak approached the infirmary, he was almost knocked off his feet by a Trill. He instantly recognized Y/N’s friend Jadzia Dax. For someone of her character Dax’s face was oddly somber; she narrowly avoided bumping into him and realized his presence only once he had moved past her.
– She is in a bad shape, senator.
Vreenak froze. The Trill was facing away from him, but it was easy to tell her emotions.
– If you have anything to say to her, do it now.
Jadzia left. Vreenak’s gaze followed her energetic form along the hall until she disappeared behind the corner. His eyes stung. Wasting no more time, he entered the sick bay.
The Romulan expected to see Bashir, but the doctor was nowhere to be seen. A nurse was sitting at a small table; when Vreenak came along she lifted her eyes from the PADD she’d been reading and sent him a questioning look.
– Can I see lieutenant Y/N?
– Room 3 – The nurse gestured in the direction of a small corridor. – But don’t stay too long. She’s already had one visitor.
The senator nodded in acknowledgement.
Finding the right door wasn’t too difficult. Vreenak took the handle, but at the last moment a wave of doubt made him hesitate. Was she awake or asleep? What would he say to her? Would she like to see him at all? He didn’t really think that through. A week or two were not enough to form a decent connection. What right did he have to disturb her peace? His heart tightened.
He put her into this position by drawing her to him, even though he knew it was wrong. She seemed happy to be around him, and that brief touch when she covered him with her body spoke so loudly about so many things… But could he mistake compassion for affection? How could a human love a Romulan, especially him?
In any way, she didn’t deserve to answer for his mess. It was the right time to finally cut the ties.
Yes, exactly, that was the reason why he had to come. To set her free.
Feeling as if he was about to die, Vreenak turned the handle.
First thing I saw when I woke up was a grey ceiling.
I blinked a few times. The lights were dim, but still too sharp for my liking. Something soft and light was wrapped around my body – it barely gave any warmth, but its presence was comforting. Had to be a blanket.
My head was throbbing, and every muscle could as well be made out of lead. Experimentally, I shifted a little. Sharp stretching pain in my side chased away the intent to do it again.
There were some weird wires attached to my arms. As my glance slid along one of them, I saw a white box with beeping lamps and numbers jumping in small windows. In a few seconds I realized that the beeping sound was synchronized with a rhythm of my heart.
I sighed. Of course, the infirmary.
But why was I here anyway?
Memories were hazy. Some kind of disturbance, very unnerving, nagged at the back of my mind. I was talking to a person. Everything was great, until… Until it happened. Something bad, very, very bad. Nothing afterwards.
The beeping was affecting me, intensifying my worry. A similar sound accompanied whatever happened then. The numbers climbed up. My mouth went dry as my brain was waking and revealing more and more details around the mystery of my condition.
I was talking to Vreenak; he’d approached me during my shift. He was a little sad and tired. He was…
Oh, no.
Vreenak!
If not for my injuries, I think I would have jumped off the bed. I did, in fact, try, but all I achieved was searing pain and instant darkness pooling in my vision. Breathing harshly, stunned and disoriented, I fell on the mattress, twitching like a butterfly stuck on a needle. Was he dead? Did I manage to block the blow? My consciousness was the most hysterical and disorganized place in the universe. Shreds of images and thoughts were jiggling and bouncing around in a formless, aching emptiness, while my body stung, as if pried open.
I wouldn’t be able to say for how long I’d been in that state, but when the red foam finally cleared, I noticed Julian sitting beside my bed. His brows had curled in a judgmental frown.
– What do you think you’re doing? – He spoke quietly, yet firmly. His right hand rested on my hip while his left one held an injector. – Standing up right now is out of the question for you.
– S-senator Vreenak…
– He is not hurt. – Julian assured, smirking. – You, however, very much are. And if you play a trick like this again, I promise I’ll strap you down and hold you like this until you get smarter.
– You would have to keep me here for the rest of my life. – I forced out a weak laugh.
– Exactly. So, be a good girl and rest. – The doctor stroked my leg lightly and stood up. – I’ll check on you again soon.
He wagged his finger at me with a feigned severity which didn’t hesitate to transform into kind playfulness as he winked before going to the exit.
When his brown locks disappeared in the hallway, I snuggled deeper into the sheets.
Vreenak was alive. That alone could make me forget my wounds. I was big enough to take a few hits, and I was glad to if it meant a person I loved survived. Yes, it was love, I couldn’t run away from the truth any more. His race, his position – I didn’t really care about, did I? My fear of him, though rational, was no match to that soppy, overwhelming tenderness that made my heart throb at the sight of him. At the knowledge that he was still here, even if I would be with him.
Maybe, I was doomed. The cause of his advances could be most terrifying, and I trembled, imagining my future if it was. Nevertheless, it did not matter inside sterile walls of the infirmary. I saved him. He was alive. Grinning like a fool, I basked in that feeling.
Eventually, I must have fallen asleep. My awakening was adorned with presence of my dear friend Dax; she was talking to a nurse in a far corner of the room, voices hushed, presumably, to avoid disturbing my rest. When our eyes met, Jadzia beamed up.
– Now here is my fearless hero! – Her tone was both cheerful and relieved.
– I will leave you two alone. –The nurse interjected briefly. – As we agreed, 15 minutes is a limit.
– But don’t forget, he might come too.
– I know, lieutenant. – The medic put hands on her hips in annoyance. – And that’s another reason for you to not overstay your welcome. If I decide the patient is too tired, I’ll not let any more visitors. So, use your time wisely!
As the door closed behind her, Dax giggled.
– Scary lady. – She sat down on a stool beside my bed and reached out to pet my hair. – Julian permitted me to see you at last. How do you feel?
– Could be worse. – I cringed. Analgesics Julian gave me had already begun to wear off, and previous soreness was spreading around my torso. – Who were you talking about?
Dax seemed surprised.
– Senator Vreenak, of course. I thought he might want to see you after what you’ve done for him.
– That was my duty. – I brushed off as impassively as I could manage.
She didn’t need to know how much his presence would please me. I might have accepted those feelings on my own, but it didn’t mean I had to make them a public property… suffering whatever would come with it.
– If a miracle graced me and he sought to show his gratitude, the senator wouldn’t have to come here. All he must do is pass his thanks to me through Commander Sisko...
– Y/N.
If disappointed glares burnt, I would have been in danger to find myself in a pile of ashes.
– It’s been funny for awhile, but enough is enough. Julian, Garak, even Miles! - we’ve all seen the way you two look at each other. You don’t have to cover it up from me.
– Don’t be ridiculous, Jadzia. Vreenak and I are friends at best, assuming that you can be friends with his species. Here is nothing to gossip about.
Dax withdrew from my side. Puzzled, I watched her pull herself up and stride across the room, huffing and rubbing her jaguar-painted temples. What did I do wrong?
Silence was growing tense. Moving a little to get a better view of her, I whimpered, stabbed into my stomach by yet another jolt of pain. Dax must have heard that; her cheeks were flushed as she turned to me, condemnation tainting her eyes.
– That’s what you think of me, huh.
– Jadzia…
– What? – Her voice was hoarse with tension. – We are friends, Y/N. For weeks you claim Vreenak doesn’t mean a thing to you, that you hate him and want nothing to do with him, Then you throw yourself in front of this man so that he doesn’t die! Don’t you think it’s an outright contradiction?
Her whole figure was buzzing with poorly suppressed rage. And who could think a Trill after seven lifetimes would act this way?
– It was necessary. He is a politician who can help us bring Romulans into the war. We need him to survive.
– And that’s why you spend so much time with him? Maybe you failed to notice, but the bomb was set not just anywhere: it was at your station where you croon at each other every fucking morning!
– Well, that’s a “he” problem! – I bit back in self-defense, feeling my own nerves give in under pressure. – I have no idea why he bothers me!
– You don’t seem to mind!
– I would look at you trying to shake off a vice chairman of Tal’Shiar!
– Knowing you, you find a way.
Jadzia took a few slow steps in my direction, fists clenched, face stoned with anger.
– Don’t you understand how much it hurts? To hear you disregard your own life when we’ve already lost so many?
– Then you shouldn’t have made friends with a security officer.
Dax gaped at me with a mixture of hurt and disbelief. My blood boiled. The whole conversation was just infuriating, and I wished I could run away and lock inside my room. As much as she was right about me (which I hated the most), I wouldn’t tolerate being scolded for specifics of my profession. Disregarding my life. Ha! We had all been disregarding our lives every day a few times a day, and suddenly it became a problem! The fact that my whole body ached like crazy only intensified my frustration.
– What is the point of our argument anyway? – I spat out. – What exactly are you mad about? That I was doing my job? What does this outburst even mean? I’m tired of you playing a matchmaker for me Jadzia. I will feel what I see fit for whoever it is, it doesn’t have anything in common with my responsibilities! Was it anybody else – god, even if it was Quark! – I would do just the same!..
– I know.
Dax’s shoulders slumped.
– I’m mad because… Because I care about you. And you are breaking my heart.
We stared at each other for a good while. Her words sank in like heavy stones, and as they did, guilt wormed out from underneath
Jadzia was just trying to tease me a little, it was in her character. And all I did was disvalue her worry.
Not sure what to say, I averted my gaze.
There was a muffled sob, chased by a soft screech of an opening door.
– I’m sorry. For annoying you.
I opened my mouth to protest, yet Dax had already flew out and slammed the door shut.
Exasperated and sick of myself, I covered my burning face.
In a minute or two, someone entered my room again. In hope for Jadzia I instantly brought my hands back down… only to reveal the cause of our argument looming in the doorway.
The senator swallowed thickly, yet again a witness to the consequence of his foolish actions.
Although he braced himself for the worst, no kind of mental preparation could prevent Vreenak from anguish that struck him when he saw a woman he loved, lying, pale and weak, on a bio bed. Y/N looked so distressed and vulnerable, he sensed an instinctive impulse to embrace her in the same way he did right after the attack – and never let go. She called out his name as he stepped in, but he could not answer - if he was to speak, last bits of control he still kept over himself would collapse.
On stiff legs he proceeded in and sat at the conveniently placed stool beside her.
When did he come this far? Were months in a prison camp to blame for his newly discovered pliability? Not for the first time he saw those in misery – interrogators had been crushing people to conditions far worse, and not a glimpse of compassion towards the victims sprouted in him before. However, it was the first time sorrow was personal. Vreenak could hardly contain his emotions and not lean onto her chest, right to her heart where he would gladly take residence, but which was forever closed for him. How could she love him after what he made her go through?
Fresh dampness on her cheeks tortured him. Of course she would cry; her wounds were severe and probably aching. If only he could reverse time and keep his mouth shut instead of suggesting that stupid dinner!
– Veherr. – He did not recognize his voice. – I’m so sorry, Y/N.
Her head tilted.
– For what?
– For bringing danger upon you. My selfish desire to have you by my side almost condemned you to death.
If anyone touched his nerves at the moment, they would sing like a lute. High collar of his tunic squeezed Vreenak’s throat like vice… or was it guilt? After all, every fiber of his being was soaked in it, and announcing his shame out loud could be compared to twisting a knife inside his own stomach.
– I know I do not deserve your forgiveness, Y/N, but I can’t stay silent for doing so would be ungrateful. You saved my life – I deeply appreciate that. Yet, if I was wiser, you wouldn’t have to risk losing yours in the first place. I knew that my status made me a not-so-safe acquaintance. Still, I ignored that and dared to get you… involved with me, making you into a target of attempted murder.
His hands clasped tightly.
– What I wanted the least was to be a cause of your suffering. In fact, I would do anything to be the opposite… And so, our ways must part. You must have come to the same conclusion – it’s foolish of me to assume you want to ever see me again after what you’ve endured. I promise not to disturb your peace again. I thank you one last time. Hopefully, your recovery is swift.
Blankness of her expression was the worst. Vreenak was barely able to keep his gaze on her as he spoke, but by the end it was just too much. His head hang in dismay as he attempted to stand up…
His intention disrupted by a small, gentle hand cupping his face.
Vreenak’s breath hitched. For a second, he sat there, motionless, as if the slightest twitch could scare her away.
When he dared to look up, a shaky exhale escaped him.
Where he’d witnessed emptiness was… fondness? Affection? The Romulan could not believe his eyes. Y/N’s lips were curled into a tender smile. Her chest was quivering under the blanket like the one of a small bird, her essence, exposed to him, suddenly just as brittle.
– Does that mean I was important to you? As a person? – Her voice, so confident and commanding on the best days, came out shaking.
– Important? – Vreenak was ready to laugh. – What an understatement. “Vital” would be more appropriate.
Unhurriedly, her fingers slid across his skin. They traced his cheekbone once, twice, her touch light and delicate as a feather. Despite himself, Vreenak crumbled beneath it, melting into her palm.
– Why?..
His hand rested upon hers and pressed down, harder.
– Because, once I met you, I could not imagine the universe where you would not exist. And I don’t ever want to.
As those words came out, through their touch Vreenak sensed something in Y/N’s soul snap. Fear crept in once more, ready to blow a spark of hope that had been just lit, but it was immediately washed away by a flood of a deep, genuine, unmistakable emotion.
Love.
– Vreenak... – The way she said it would drive a Vulcan wild. – My dear Vreenak…
New tears sparkled in her eyes, but those were tears of joy.
There was something she longed for him to do. Acting on her desire, the senator leaned forward, his lips brushing against hers. That was how Humans kissed. He didn’t have experience, but as he pushed further into her mind unraveling its secrets so willingly for him, his moves grew bolder, hungrier.
The gesture was alien, weird, absolutely scandalous by Romulan standards – and the Elements be damned, he wouldn’t have it any other way.
– E’lev… - Vreenak murmured against her mouth. – Jol-ao au.
She smiled and tugged him closer.
As their souls danced together in a divine union of a new bond, even without his explanation she could understand that he said: “I love you”.
We were lying in my quarters, my head nestled on top of Vreenak’s chest, our hands – joined. Julian took excellent care of his patients; I was back on my feet two days after the incident. Although, for me and Vreenak a minute of delay felt like eternity – the fire we had been suppressing, once unleashed, yearned to rave. Since the moment his arms wrapped around me in the confinement of my room there was no end to passion, relentless and desperate just like ourselves.
I nuzzled into him as the memory of our love-making clouded my mind. I definitely owed Dax a big, big apology.
– You are quite a sahe’lagge, darling. – Vreenak chuckled, cradling me in his embrace. For someone three times the strength of a human he was amazingly gentle. – I’m lucky to have such an eager mate.
It was gratifying to hear and feel his contentment. Every emotion of his was mine as mine was his, and I equally relished both in Vreenak’s ruthless desire and caring endearment. As far as I could tell, my love and pleasure were no less enchanting to him.
– You haven’t seen the best of me yet. – I teased, reaching to stroke his fluffed up hair. – Human women are known to be ravenous in their fervor.
Vreenak granted me an amused look.
– Then I guess I should worry for my safety. – He pondered in false concern, catching me mid-action. His thumb started drawling circles at the back on my hand. – What if you get carried away and devour me for good?
I snuck away and flipped on my belly, grinning.
– I would love to do that.
He grinned back.
– And I would let you.
In a fast, powerful motion I was pinned underneath him, his clear blue eyes locked with mine, familiar flames raging behind them. Yet, just as I thought he was up to another round, Vreenak closed them and lowered his head and placed his forehead against mine.
– I wish you did. – He sighed wistfully. – So I wouldn’t have to leave you.
My smile instantly faded. Understandably, Vreenak’s main concerns were the complications associated with me accompanying him on Romulus. Aside from our countries’ never-ending bickering, as a politician and a member of Tal’Shiar, he had to keep his public persona “clean”. Relationships with a human woman, or worse – a Starfleet officer… did not go well with that.
Conflict was pulsing restlessly under the shield of his stoic façade, and my heart tightened.
“Do you… regret it? Our bond?”
Vreenak flinched. He kissed me slowly, a thin line of concern between his eyebrows smothering into quiet sadness.
– …No, e’lev, I would never. But I am troubled.
I placed both hands on his shoulders and softly pushed. Obediently, he rolled off, allowing me to take a pose on my side, propped up on an elbow.
– I heard there were a number of high-standing Romulans who took human wives.
The senator nodded.
– True. However, I wouldn’t call them wives in a common sense. Only a free woman can be a wife. They, on the other hand, were prisoners. Basically, consorts. But both a consort and a wife can be considered a mate, so any child born in a relationship like this is considered a citizen.
His hand came to rest upon the side of my face.
– But I do not want anyone to see or treat you as my slave. For me, my mate is my ailhun, anything else is an ugly perversion. And, if I was to live with you under one roof, these are the only terms acceptable.
I’d never imagined I would hear something of that sort from a Romulan, but there was no doubt in sincerity of his confession. Paired with a sweet gesture, it was simply conquering.
– If you feel that way, why don’t you marry me? – I purred, planting soft kisses across his palm. Vreenak once again dragged me closer to himself, enveloping me in his warmth and an unusual, but pleasant scent of his cologne. Or did he actually smell that good?
– Because it is unheard of. My society might not understand my choice, and then we are both doomed.
I tapped on my chin, considering his statement for a moment.
– But don’t you find that now, maybe, is the best moment for it?
Vreenak raised a brow.
– How so?
– Think for yourself. – I smiled. My fingers slid up and down his collarbone. - Both Romulus and the Federation are seeking connection for a mutual benefit, correct?
A confirmation followed.
– To establish this connection, many steps have to be made and old prejudice – put aside...
Another confirming nod. Vreenak trapped my hand in his and pressed it against his mouth, hiding a smirk behind it. He already figured out.
– What will ensure new order of things better than a political marriage between representatives of the two nations?
After a moment of silence low, loud laughter shook the room.
– Actually, you make a good point. – Vreenak cooed. – And, perhaps, I thought about it myself. If only others would listen to it.
– Oh, they will listen, e'lev. – I retorted, looking him dead in the eye. – As far as I’m concerned, one of my lover’s most remarkable talents is persuasion. Isn't it, Dhaemnasi?
Vreenak froze and stared at me in astonishment. Though, it didn’t stay there for long as something excitingly sinister flashed through his mind.
– You insidious bastard… - The senator murmured affectionately, grabbing my jaw. – And I thought you were an innocent little thing! How disgusting of me to corrupt such a pure, delicate being…
The end of his sentence vanished in my mouth. As he pulled back for air after a few minutes of merciless wrestling with my tongue, I witnessed with pride how profusely his ears and cheeks had greened.
– I've chosen a Romulan as my mate, darling. – I sang in a sugary voice. – I don't need help with that.
– Ie... – Vreenak breathed out. His pupils were blown wide. – I have much to learn, it seems. We’ve been certainly underestimating humans all along.
Receiving a startled yelp, Vreenak yanked me forward, his lips grazing against my earlobe.
– In the meantime, you would make an excellent Romulan, lhhei…
the more i watch star trek tos, the more it becomes abundantly clear that the reason why modern trek doesnt get kirk at all is because they dont utilise mccoy nearly as much anymore
in modern trek, they always present the idea of logic vs emotion, with spock being logic and kirk being emotion, but thats not how tos has it. in tos, the logic vs emption debate is spock vs mccoy. kirk is supposed to be the mediator between the two, sometimes siding with one side over the other, sometimes finding a middle ground between the two. thats why hes the captain, hes able to see all angles and pick the best course
when you make kirk the emotional one, it completely breaks the format, because 9 time out of 10, it means kirk has to be correct. theres no more balance
mccoy is just as important to tos as spock is, and while i do understand why spock is as popular as he is, without mccoy, the show doesnt work. you need them both. kirk spock and mccoy are the three leads of the show, and removing one requires you to change the others, which is whats happened to kirk
Is this ANOTHER original story blurb from a story I may or may not finish?! Yes. Yes it is.
I was going through my stories drafts and there’s one that I keep coming back to but I don’t know if I’ll ever actually finish.
But I really like this dystopian, ‘us-against-the-machine’, fringe-justice-fighting-group type world/situation I’ve created but I can never seem to get more than disjointed scenes down for it, so who knows if it becomes a complete story eventually or not. However, I really like this scene so I figured I won’t let it go to complete waste.
It does have a male x female relationship (Laughs in aroace so i hope I did this justice lol) with the female as the main POV. Angsty. Love confessions and secrets. She is an ex living-weapon type character when she was a child for her now-enemy. He is a leader-type for an established rogue group/underground community of people (aptly named ‘the Hole’ due to the fact that they’re living underground… ya know, in a giant tunnel system.. or ‘hole’) fighting for justice against the oppressive leaders/corporations running the world.
I have this chapter temporarily(?) titled “Secrets for his sake”
~4.5k words
~~~
“No, no. No! You don’t get it.” She yells, waving her arms around as she paces in careless circles.
Everything was falling apart.
“But I want to get it. Why won’t you let me understand?” Nathan sat calmly and spoke carefully, in a way that irritated her more and more.
How could he be so calm? Doesn’t he know that’s not how normal people act at a time like this!? But of course he was calm. He didn’t know what was coming down upon her. He didn’t know how close her world was to ending.
She hated that she couldn't even keep herself calm in the face of something she only brought onto herself.
“Because you can’t understand.”
“You’d be surprised. I might be able to relate better than you know.”
“No… I mean, you can’t understand. I know you would understand… and that’s why I can’t let you understand.” She knew it sounded insane.
Ivy heard him stand up and immediately felt a firm hand on her arm spin her around to face him.
He gripped her arms tightly— almost angrily. Her nerves fluttered in surprise for a moment, not quite anticipating something so rough from someone who had seemed so calm just a moment ago. Perhaps his resolve was finally cracking.
“What do you mean by that?” His voice had dropped with anger and concern. It was more gravelly as he tried to force answers from her. The way it did when he was questioning the enemy. “Ivy, you’re worrying me now. What is going on? Did someone do something to you? Did you get into trouble? What happened?”
She could tell he was intently searching her face for answers. His brows furrowed together looking for any sort of clue to know what she was talking about. She could see the concern written in his eyes. He kept his face purposefully and tactfully devoid of emotion on scoutings and missions, so to see such clear worry? She knew he only showed it for her.
She felt guilty for causing him to worry and the guilt hit her like a ton of bricks.
But she couldn’t ease the worry without telling him too much…
The tears that she’d been desperately trying to keep back immediately filled her eyes. This wasn't how any of this was supposed to go.
“Tell me, Ivy! I can’t help you if I don’t know!”
“I wish I could tell you!” She yelled back exasperatedly before she stepped closer and dropped her head into his chest, knowing he'd catch her. Like he always did. Saltwater was now streaming uncontrollably down her face, wetting his shirt. She didn't care. And neither did he.
“I wish I could tell anyone," she lamented, "Maybe at least it would feel better than to keep it all a secret but I can't. It will only make it worse."
“You can tell me anything. Unless… Do you not trust me? Is there something I could do to make you trust me more? Make it so you can tell me what the problem is?” The harshness in his voice broke down. He now just seemed desperate to get her to give him answers.
He held her close to his chest when she didn't immediately answer, one arm protectively around her back, and the other softly running through her hair to calm her.
Usually this would work. Just the feeling of him being there would usually work, but she feels the weight of it all beginning to pile up this time. Its overwhelming her. Crushing her. And she wasn’t quite sure how to fight it.
The traders? Razers? Those she could fight. Her own mind? She was losing that battle.
“It’s not about trust, Nathan. This is something else entirely. I’d trust you with anything and everything— you know that. But this... it’s… it's for your own good.” She felt his hand hesitate for a split second, before resuming its path through her hair.
“You are protecting me from something?” He meant to sound calm as he questioned her, but she could hear the slight stiffness to his tone. She could tell this bothered him more than he wanted to let on. He was not used to being the one protected.
He’s protected his little brother and everyone close to him— hell, he protected everyone in the Hole— with everything he’s got and the best he can. It has been the sole purpose for him to be fighting so hard. And now, just the thought that she needed to protect him made him uncomfortable. The fact that this was something that wasn't in his control and he didn't know what to protect her from, she could tell it scared him. The rising storm beneath his eyes betrayed it this whole time. Its what has gutted her more than anything.
“I’m protecting you from this— from me. I want you to know everything but you can't help and it would only put you in danger. More than I've selfishly pulled you into already. You don’t understand what kind of threats I’m putting in your path just by being so close to you.”
“If you haven’t noticed, Ivy, we’re in danger all the damn time!” He countered. “The more you talk like this, the more I worry about you, anyway. Even if you don’t want me to. I’ve been through a lot. I can handle a lot. I want to help you but I can't if you don't tell me how. Is it one of the traders gone after you? Is it the Razers? Did something happen during one of the missions you didn't tell me about?"
Ivy stayed quiet. She wished it was something as simple as a trader or even the Razers again. But she couldn't tell him even if she wanted to.
Nathan sighed, realizing she wouldn’t talk. "I can’t imagine that this thing you think you have to keep secret from me is something that I haven't gone through already or something we can't figure out together.”
Hearing him speak briefly of his past experiences, she was reminded of how little she really knew of him from before they met. But also how little he knew of her. They’ve been through a lot together— more than most people in their entire lives— but that doesn’t mean the past disappears. It doesn’t mean you know someone inside and out.
And Nathan doesn’t know.
He doesn’t understand.
And the only person who does know has been missing for days because of it.
…But of course, Chris is fine. Of course he is…
She knows he’s fine. Plus, Chris is always fine.
He is! He’s fine! He has to be.
He’s gone off the grid to avoid them tracking him like this before and always came back fine, but it doesn’t mean she doesn’t worry. Chris doesn’t deserve what she’s put him through, but at least he understands why and how this all happened. How they both got into such a mess. He has been there since the beginning with her.
Nathan… he doesn’t have a clue. She would be throwing him needlessly and blindly into a fight he wouldn’t even begin to comprehend. Not before it was too late, anyway.
“Even if you could, I’m not making you suffer through anything else on my part.”
“I can do whatever you need me to do,” he said after a moment with a sigh that was more heart wrenching to her than she thought it could be. “I want you to know I would endure whatever it is you think you're protecting me from. I’d dance through every layer of hell for you. You know that, don’t you?”
She curled in tighter to his warmth. "I know.” That’s what scares me, she added to herself. “But I can’t ask you to do that. Not this time. This is my problem.”
She felt him lift her chin up from his chest so that he could look into her eyes, but she refused to look straight at him. She knew it would feel like he was spying into her soul. His eyes saw everything. They’ve done it before. And they’d do it again. She wasn’t taking the chance.
“Beautiful girl, please look at me.”
“No…” her childish answer trailed off weakly, choked by the tears she was ashamed to know he could clearly see. But she couldn’t hold them back, either.
She'd reprimand herself later for showing her weakness. She should be stronger than this. She’s fought too hard and for too long to suddenly break down like this. But being with him made her feel like she could. Like he is the last safe space she has that she doesn't have to act like she is made of steel.
The last place she has that she doesn’t have to act like she’s not terrified for the future that only seems to be getting grayer as the seconds tick by.
His hands engulfed either side of her face and she felt him tuck strands of loose hair behind her ears before he used his thumbs to wipe away the tears staining her face. It was useless since new ones took their place almost immediately but he tried a few times anyway. He then pulled her into a crushing hug, but she accepted the closeness.
At this moment, his arms felt like the only things holding her together. She took the moment to steel herself. Knowing that as soon as he let her go, she would have to pick up her own pieces and run.
Run so that he wouldn’t have to keep holding her together like this.
Run so that she could do as she needed without hurting him.
Run so that nothing could harm him to get to her.
Run so that she could get far enough away from him that she wouldn’t turn around and run back into his arms.
“Ivy,” her name broke through the storm of thoughts raging in her head.
“Yeah..?” she pulled her head back from his chest, looking up at his face when he didn’t continue right away. He was thinking hard, as lost in his thoughts as she had been. She could tell by the way his brows scrunched a little and he was chewing his lip.
“…Nathan?” She tried again. He held her a bit tighter, coming back to the present.
“Ivy, please answer me one thing?” He looked into her eyes. They were fierce with something serious. She nodded despite herself, not sure if there were any questions she could truly answer.
“Are you in danger?”
She didn’t answer, but the silence between them was thick and heavy. She knew he already had his answer. He wrapped around her more protectively, as if that unnamed danger was ready to jump out from any shadow in this room. His features hardened. All emotion was wrenched from his body, but his touch on her skin was still gentle and soft.
The fighter/ interrogator/ leader in him versus the one that was too kind and caring for his own good.
The juxtaposition made her head spin. How could he be two different people at the same time? An emotionless fighter ready to take on any challenge in his way and someone so soft and loving he could make her heart melt and keep an entire community together with ease. How can both of these sides be so deeply present and true in one man, let alone at the same time?
And then there was the way he could read people— read her just by looking into her eyes was jarring. He was having a conversation with her soul that she only wish she could hear. He was coercing his own answers from her mind as if he was asking her directly. There was a reason he was an interrogator. He could read lies and truths as if they'd been written in books. He could get answers from nothing with just a look.
And it was one of these answers he wrought from her that he questioned next. A simple question that made her heart jump into her throat. One that told her he already knew too much.
“Ivy, where’s Chris?”
“He’s fine.” She answered a little too quickly. His eyes narrowed, catching her lie.
“That’s not what I asked. Where is he?”
“I’m not his babysitter.” She pulled herself from his arms and tried to play nonchalant when she felt nothing like it. She plopped down on the bed with a shrug. He could see right through it but she played the game anyway. Her instinct is to lie so she did without question, knowing it was for the best.
It felt wrong to lie to Nathan so bluntly but she was quick to revert to her previous ways when she felt threatened. The ways she has always used to protect herself, and now it would be the best way to protect him.
Nathan wasn't a threat, but she knew all too well that he could be used as one. And that's why she needed to leave. To lie. It would be easier to run if she started now, anyway. If she started planting seeds of little lies, she’d be able to reap what she sowed later. It would be easier to make a clean break.
Maybe she should take a page from Chris’s handbook and go offgrid. Get out. Maybe stay that way. She wouldn’t have anything to come back to once she turned away from him anyway.
“What are you thinking?” Nathan asked her gruffly, clearly not done reading her with that uncanny ability of his.
“What?” She blanched, praying she hadn't somehow said her thoughts aloud.
“Whatever you’re thinking, stop. Right now.”
“What are you talking about?”
“You do not get to think about leaving.”
“But I didn’t—“
“You were. You were thinking about it.”
“But I’m not—“
“Bullshit. You’re lying. You know you can’t lie to me. You’re already pulling away from me. I can see it. I will not let you run from me.”
“I’m not pulling away. I just— I can’t— It’s just that—“ she couldn’t finish any of her sentences since her brain couldn’t come up with a single thing to make this sound better than it was.
Why did he have to steal my tongue as well? It's bad enough he’s taken my heart but he had to take my ability to lie now also? She prided herself on scheming her way out of things. But he took none of her shit. He saw through it.
He’s determined to make this harder for the both of them.
“Why are you doing this?” She finally had to ask him, her resolve cracking and tears were welling again in her eyes.
This man will break her down to nothing before he lets her go. That she knew for sure.
His eyes darkened. His frustration was evident.
“What am I doing? Huh?” He was furious. “Tell me, Ivy. What am I doing other than keeping you from disappearing out from under my nose? Trying to keep you from getting hurt? You just told me you were in danger and here you are planning to run off, making it so I can't protect you!” She shrunk down to a quarter of her size and pulled her knees to her chest.
“I said nothing about danger,” She answered quietly. Pathetically. Her voice cracked.
“Bullshit!” He yelled, throwing his hands into the air in exasperation. An explosion of emotion he usually kept tucked carefully away. He looked to the ceiling and closed his eyes, running a hand over his face and composing himself, as if realizing the same thing. After a moment he took a deep breath and blew it out slowly. Then he looked back to her, his eyes soft again.
But determinded.
"Ivy. I know admitting this is stupid and dangerous, but I can't do this anymore." Her eyes widened, unsure what was coming next. "You’re the only person I’ve ever truly fallen in love with. I love you. I do. " Her breath caught in her throat at the words. She tried to hide it. She failed.
Nathan continued. "And I know this is possibly the worst time to fall in love with the Razors breathing down our neck and the traders looking for Lily and Gabe and the mess the last few missions have become and — fucking hell— Brayden, too?!” He let out a tight breath, the pain of losing a teammate and friend to the enemy would never get easier. It wasn’t the first and it won’t be the last. It will never get easier.
“But I can't help it. And before I regret not telling you, I’ll say it again. I. love. you." He met her eyes with determination. "And I can’t let you leave. Not now. Not ever. If you do, I will find you. I want to be by your side for as long I live. Even if that means tomorrow or years from now. I can’t imagine being without you for even one moment. I want to protect you. Keep you safe."
He slowly walked over to her and she just sat watching him, with her chin tucked into her knees and her arms wrapped tightly around herself. Tears were falling pitifully off her cheeks. He kneels and places his forehead to hers as he tangles his hand in the back of her hair, gently but firmly keeping her close. She freezes and refuses to look at his face, even as close as they are now, so she stares down at her knees instead.
Why did those words she’s always longed to hear and always imagined would bring joy and happiness… I love you... Why did they have to feel like they were ripping out her very heart?
“How can I protect you if you don’t tell me what you’re running from? I want to help you. I have to make sure you are okay. Please. I don’t beg but I will for you. I will be on hands and knees asking you to please let me in. Please,” he sounded so broken. She hated that she was the one to do that to him. “I’m begging you. I’m not much in this world, but you’ve brought me so much purpose. I will protect what’s mine. Please let me do the one thing I can be good at. I can fight. I can be strong. Please let me do that for you.”
His confessions are becoming too much for her heart to bear. All this time longing to hear words like this from him, officially claiming her as his like she had once— foolishly— wished she could be, was meant to be a happy moment in her otherwise dismal life. She was meant to love and adore every moment of this and at once point, she might have. She was supposed to finally have the courage to admit her feelings as well.
But now she couldn’t. She never could again. And she would never even hope that she would be able to. Even if she manages to find an end to all of this and make it through in one piece. Even if she manages to right her wrongs and finally take down Grey. But there is no guarantee that she would survive any of this. There is no guarantee that she will make it even one day the moment she runs.
And there wasn’t a single chance or hope that he would be willing to wait for her. Especially if she manages to spit out the words she knows she has to say next. The ones that go against every feeling she’s ever felt for Nathan.
Even if her heart doesn’t explode on the spot, it will be the end of her. She knew she wasn’t willing to let her past hurt him, but it would be the death of her to make sure it would happen. Even if she physically survives, she won't be living without him.
Ivy pushed him away, her decision made. Her tears had spilled for what she would be losing, still wet on her face. Now, she felt the facade of her old life slip into place much too easily. She felt every emotion flee her. She felt her past self joining her in the present.
“I don’t need you to protect me, Nathan. I don’t need you to help. You can protect the others but I don't need it. I never have and I never will.”
She took a deep breath. All of her training and all of the experiences of her past that has always allowed her to lie smoothly and confidently, were suddenly too easy. She would do anything to keep him safe. Even locking herself away behind her training again. Even if she promised herself she'd never go back to that robotic, unfeeling weapon Grey tried to turn her into before Chris had found her.
It was like her head had finally overridden her heart and was doing what it had to. Only this time, it wasn't for the Razor's whims. It was for herself. It was for Nathan. She wasn’t sure why or how the flip happened, but she was glad it did.
“You have been a great friend to me, Nathan, but that’s all it would ever be. I don’t love you. And I don’t need you to protect me. If I let something hurt you just because I selfishly enjoyed the friendship you have given me, I would feel incredibly guilty. That’s all. Guilt for allowing a friendship that I had craved but never been offered an opportunity to have. You gave me that opportunity and I latched onto it and I dragged you down with me. I don’t know how I let you misunderstand that more feelings could be had, but you are not more than that to me. Thank you for the kindness you have shown me from the beginning. I regret that I am only able to pay it back by leaving for your sake. I’m sorry.” The last two words were for more than he would ever know but nothing in her tone changed to give away all the meaning she wanted to put to them.
Cold. Unfeeling. And yet it hurt.
She didn't dare look at him. She didn't want to see what was on his face. It was the only thing that might break her down in this moment.
She stood and dusted herself off, readying to leave. She didn't want to.
She had to. He forced her hand sooner than she'd have liked.
"Bullshit,” came quietly from the silence.
She stopped short, nerves tense.
"What?"
"That's fucking bullshit and you know it,” he stated angrily, like he knew the truth.
"What are you talking about? I don't—"
"Don't fucking lie to me. Don't fucking do this."
He wouldn't let her leave.
He will break her down to nothing before he lets her leave.
"You know nothing about me."
"I know enough to know you're lying. I know enough to know you don't feel that way. I know enough to know you love me too."
"You don't."
"I do."
"Fuck you," she hissed out, years of training crumbling against him in seconds, hating the way he was clawing at her heart to keep her here. He would break her down to nothing before he lets her go. "Just let me do this for you. Let me go."
"No."
Ivy took a steadying breath before she spoke again. "You're willing to put Jason in that kind of danger? One you know nothing about?"
Nathan's eyes narrowed, everything else leaving them but suspicion and accusations that pierced through her. She knew bringing up his brother would get the reaction she was looking for from him. She still regretted bringing him into it anyway.
"Just what are you suggesting here, Ivy?"
"I'm suggesting that you don't trust a girl you don't really know who brings death everywhere she goes."
"You're not that girl."
"You. Don't. Know. Me."
"Are you saying you'd hurt Jason?"
"I'm saying I can't promise he won't be."
The silence between the two of them grew tense. Neither looked away from the other's glare. Both trying to read the other's next move.
Nathan broke first.
"So that's it then?"
"What else do you want to hear?"
Nathan pauses for a beat. His glare never leaving hers.
"Tell me you love me. Don't lie and say this was just a misunderstanding."
She faltered— only slightly. Her facade shadowed her features again in a split second.
Nathan still saw through it.
"I can't do that," she said between clenched teeth.
"You can. You won't."
"You're right. I won't. Because I can’t."
"Say it. Say it and I'll let you go."
"You won't even if I did."
"Tell me you love me too. Say it. Whether you believe it or not, say it. If it's a lie like you say it is, I'll know and I'll let you go."
"And if it's real?" The words were out of her mouth before she could stop herself. Nathan raised a brow.
"Is it?"
"No."
"Then say it. And you'll be free to go. I won't follow you."
"You can't do this to me."
"And you can't leave like this."
“I need to.”
"You don't." He demanded, but she held his glare. She wouldn't break this time. She wouldn't back down. Not when it's his safety in the line.
Finally his glare turned soft and he sighed. He took a gentle step closer. His hand reached out and cupped her cheek. She didn't pull away like she knew she should have. His eyes held hers in a plea, a storm brewing in them. He bared his soul to her and only her and she knew that.
"You don't need to leave," he stated again but before she could argue, he continued, "But you'll find a way to do it anyway. So please," his voice softened, sounding vulnerable and broken, "tell me. Just this once. I love you, Ivy. I love you so much. Please tell me you love me too. Tell me it wasn't a lie."
She saw the truth in his words. He knew she would leave. He knew her decision was made and she would find a way to run. He was giving her the mercy to do so gracefully.
But he would break her down to nothing before he let her go.
She knew that he would.
And he found her most vulnerable piece. The one he'd already managed to crack. And he was precise in his attack. He knew just where to hit to shatter her like glass.
"Please don't do this," she begged in a watery whisper. Her voice was broken and pleading. Nothing like the cold, unfeeling weapon's tone she'd taken on just moments before.
He broke her down to nothing in seconds.
He pulled her tightly into his chest for a second time that night.
"I love you, Ivy."
"… I love you too."
She was gone by the time morning came around. Nathan knew she would be. But it didn't hurt any less, trudging to the room he knew would be stripped of essentials and finding the bed he'd grown accustomed to seeing a living, breathing lump in every morning suddenly so empty and flat. The sheets hadn't even been touched. She hadn't slept in them last night. She was likely gone the moment she'd packed the last item.
Nathan sighed and made his way to the next room in his usual routine.
He was suprised to find Jason awake and sitting up in bed, back turned from the door. The boy didn't look at his older brother come in, though Nathan knew he would have heard him.
Nathan was about to greet him as he did every morning, before he saw Jason's shoulders jump with a choked down sob he was clearly trying to hide.
"Jason?" He asked gently, instead.
The boy quickly wiped at his face that Nathan knew would be streaked with salty water lines if he could see it.
"She's gone," Jason said solemnly, holding back another sob.
"What?" But Nathan knew 'what'. He just didn't know how Jason knew already. He'd have been surprised if Ivy had gone to Jason to tell him she was leaving in the middle of the night. He thought he would have to be the one to break the news to the boy.
"I saw her… I… I couldn't sleep and… and I heard you two talking. I didn't hear anything. I didn’t listen like you always tell me to. I didn't eavesdrop, I promise. But… but then I saw her leaving. She had a big bag with her. And her bed was empty this morning."
Jason turned to his brother, tears streaming down his face. His small voice broke with his next words.
turnnoffyourmind
yousharknotpass
dededos
areudirty
romaincrisis
origamiaround
titsay
