beauty is terror

BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD, PUMP MUD THROUGH MY VEINS! (sideblog to phantomdesires) hover over TITLE for links.

[nihilisthedonism-archive]

Ari has his own blog now!! 

[eyegougd]

"Ah Kage-kun, you wound me with how cold you are... I only wish you look at me fondly with those beautiful eyes of yours, and smile. Do you truly despise me that much? You truly are a rose with such thick thorns." - nihilisthedonism

               “     uwah,     ISHIDA - san,     you’re   persistant.     ”

               A   WRY   SMILE     ———     oh,     fret   not,     young   man;     they   all   grow   weary   eventually     (     this   feeling   is   an   old   friend   of   his     ).     his   weight   shifts   from   one   side   to   the   other,     peering   up   at   the   friend    stranger    associate   with   those   damn   doe   eyes.     “     are   you   sure   you’re   chasin’   what   you   truly   want   ?     ”

               he   believes   that   his   intentions   are   PURE    (     he’s   saving   him.     he’s   being   more   than   generous     ).     are   cold   words   and   empty   grins   not   enough     ?     how   deluded.     he   almost   pities   him.

               “     i’m   curious,     though.     how   would   you   react   if   i   say   that   i   do   despise   you.     ”

@nihilisthedonism

[nihilisthedonism-archive]

On the topic of the word ‘love’

Kids can be cruel, he never had any doubts about that. 

He was eight when he heard the word “whore,” one of the older kids (a fourteen year old with an ugly sneer) who told him that was exactly what his mother was. Ari had trembled viciously, from anger and from being upset - 

“Don’t talk about my mother like that! She’s not a bad person!” He’d cry in response. 

“Why defend her? She doesn’t even love you.” The older boy would laugh. “Your own mother doesn’t want you, why do you think anyone else would?” 

The words would send him crying home to his grandmother that day - while furious, prioritized comforting her grandson - stroking his hair while he wept in her arms.

“Do you love me?” He’d ask her, and she would respond with “of course”.

“Would you love me even if I was weird?” He’d follow up with. His foreign origins were apparent to anyone who looked at him - with his fair skin, blue eyes and wispy, dark blonde hair. The kids at school easily singled him out from the crowd, the son of the Frenchman who left as quickly as he came - a mother who had sex with a man before they were even married. 

“I would love you no matter what.” His grandmother would repeat firmly, and she would be the only one he’d ever believe, even to this day. 

Don’t tell him you love him, he’ll only accept that if you want to hurt him - break him, that is the type of love he knows. Words of affection will be taken with a grain of salt, for who would love a man like him? He’s older now, and wiser - and he understands, as told with time, that somebody like him can never be loved. And he is fine with that, for if he cannot be loved - he can accept being hated. It’s better than nothing, isn’t it?

[nihilisthedonism-archive]

Autumn Preferences

Rules: bold what you prefer and tag some people.

1. go apple picking vs. go on a hay ride 2. scary vs. sweet 3. sweaters vs. boots 4. socks vs. mittens 5. bonfires vs. football 6. trick-or-treating vs. watch scary movies 9. bake pie vs. bake cookies 10. rain vs. fog 11. black cats vs. owls 12. ghosts vs. wizards 13. harry potter vs. halloween town 14. go hiking vs. sleep in 15. cinnamon vs. nutmeg 16. reading vs. writing 17. hot chocolate vs. tea 18. live in a cabin in a forest vs. have it be fall 24/7 19. candy apples vs. caramel apples 20. blankets vs. pillows 21. roasted marshmallows vs. roasted chestnuts 22. coffee vs. apple cider 23. red leaves vs. orange leaves 24. braids vs. bows 25. scented candles vs. the smell of fresh baked goods 26. carve pumpkins vs. make pumpkin pie 27. pumpkin spice lattes vs. chai tea lattes 28. coats vs. oversized sweaters 29. beanies vs. berets 30. candy corn vs. peanut butter cups 32. jump in a pile of leaves vs. swing on a tire 33. corn maze vs. haunted house 34. bob for apples vs. visit a pumpkin patch 35. whipped cream on hot chocolate vs. marshmallows on hot chocolate

tagged by: @firedesired

tagging: whoever wants to do it!!!

[chaosophia218]

Calvin Cutter - Teeth, “A treatise on Anatomy, Physiology and Hygiene”, 1850.

[firedesired-blog]

"Ah, I'm so glad you're here! Just the person I'm looking for. Will you do me the honors of lending me your assistance and caramelizing this batch of brulee? I've tried using the oven broiler to do it, but nothing quite beats your torch I'd have to say." - nihilisthedonism

The torch is already fired up and ready at the mere mention of caramelizing. “ Ari ! You’re the best man , the freakin’ best ! ” What a cool dude ! “ I’ve got your back , it’s gonna be great ! I won’t let you down ! ” It’s enough to bring some tears to his eyes. Oh beautiful flames , that wonderful crispy golden - brown covering the surface of the brulee , and that scent of hardening sugar . 

“ Oh man , Ari that reminds me. ” He takes a deep breath , steadying himself . No need to cry all over the guy who so generously brought him something torch.  “ I found some odd stuff in my basement again ! You wanna take a look at it before it goes in the incinerator ? I dunno what it is , but it looked like something you’d be interested in. ”

[-ixc999-]

[arterialtrees]

jenny holzer

[nihilisthedonism-archive]

10k yen and i'll send eye pics

Ah, an offer too good to be true - and from his precious Kage-kun himself! 10k yen would make quite the dent in his bank account - but 10k for pictures (HQ quality!) of Kage’s eyes? Such was priceless. 10k yen was too low! The beauty of his eyes was sufficient enough to make the world bow at his feet, and Ari would make the world bow for him if he could. But alas, 10k yen would have to do for now.

Fingers are quick in typing back a response, deviating from his standard response time ( which typically had quite the wait time for a response ) ( but this was urgent! ) 

“Do you accept etransfers?” 

@eyegougd

[ningyouko-blog]

"I have a surprise for you." A small box, wrapped in a satin light blue and adorned with white lace and silk ribbons is placed within Bo's hands. Inside the younger will find various brand new doll parts, carefully curated by Ari himself. "These were the ones you were wanting, right? Forgive me if I am in the wrong and you don't have much use for them." - nihilisthedonism

“ eh? a surprise? “ heterochromatic eyes seem to shine as he looks at the box handed to him. it was cute! very cute! and the silk ribbons felt nice to the touch, he almost got distracted by feeling them against his fingertips. carefully, he ripped into the box with glee, smile growing brighter as he looked at its contents. doll parts in a package, some of them just the ones he’s been looking for! some of them ones he would definitely keep for future uses!

“ ah!! this is so awesome! you’re the best, ari-san! “ a wide grin is plastered on his face as he looks up at the other, having to crane his neck a bit upwards in order to do so. does he hug him? is this the part where they hug? he’s gonna do it anyways whether ari likes it or not! bo wraps his slender arms around the other, squeezing him with all his might- which, honestly, isn’t a lot really… “ i love it!! “

[urfavoriteaquarius-deactivated2]

[thepoetandthedreamer-deactivate]

Visit Original Link

Am I beautiful, ‘cause I tear you to pieces?

[nihilisthedonism-archive]

eiji finds himself admiring his teammate's collections, all beautiful in their own ways; right now, he's eye-level with a jar containing what looks like a human heart. he taps the glass gently, enraptured by how anatomically correct the organ looks, ' ari-san, this piece looks incredibly realistic. fufu, i'm impressed, ' he turns to the other, ' would you mind telling me where you got it? ' --- eyeterror

He’s positively beaming! How he’s glad someone can appreciate his treasures as much as he does - his time, his money, and the entirety of his heart has been poured into his collection! For someone to recognize the relics for their beauty brings him absolute joy! A low chuckle sounds in his throat, rounding his desk to walk and join his unit mate by his side - humming lightly as he turns his attention to the preserved heart sitting in its jar.

“Oh, I’m so glad you’re enjoying it Eiji-kun. We should credit the owner for being in such great shape, yes? Such a healthy heart! We’ll have to speak to him ourselves - “ 

His grin widens, only maniacal in the way the low light of his office illuminates his face. 

“I’m only kidding! The original owner has long passed. Worry not, it was a perfectly legal acquirement - and it wasn’t through the means of any of my own clients, God forbid. I’m afraid I can’t disclose any further details, but if you are looking for a specific organ - do let me know, and I’d be glad to place a request for you.”

@eyeterror

[nihilisthedonism-archive]

“I dream of the day I can receive the pleasure in having my throat f***** raw before he decapitates me. I hope the knife he uses is sharp enough to sever flesh, but dull enough to draw out the process for much longer than necessary... I hope my head comes off by the sheer violence in his efforts. All of this, after we f*** of course.” 

[nihilisthedonism-archive]

When I die take whatever you want from my carcass ! Eyes , brain ! Whatever ! You know , that is if I'm not already a nice piece of toast ! You gotta burn the rest though ! That's the only way I want to go !

“Ah.... The thought saddens me terribly... but it is inevitable. Don’t worry, you can be certain that your eyes will be treated with the utmost care. I’ll be sure to preserve them just right, for it would be a shame to let them be scorned with the rest of you. Thankfully your time is not now. I can enjoy your gaze on me still.... I much prefer it that way.” 

@firedesired

[nihilisthedonism-archive]

" ari-san? " the taller man seems a little down, or maybe sick? bo wasn't exactly sure. he wasn't exactly good with dealing with these things, but.. maybe she would be? " hey punk!! " a harsh, higher pitched voice escaped from him as he held gloria up in front of him, moving her arms as if she were speaking. " time to get yer butt into shape!! we're gonna go to the park!! take in the sunlight!!! you got that?!!?!?! " -ningyouko

“Mm?” His gaze lifts, having been fixated in nowhere in particular - hazy and distant, as if focused elsewhere - lost and adrift in the complexity of his thoughts. The corner of his lips lift into a genuine smile at the abrupt and rather aggressive address, a small light chortle sounding from the man who previously seemed so downcast. 

“Ah! Miss Gloria! I feel awfully embarrassed to have you scorn me like this... I shouldn’t make a lady shout, forgive me.” He bows his head, taking the doll’s hand into his own and giving a light squeeze. “Will you be as so kind to bring me with you? How awfully considerate you are. I owe you my thanks, Bo as well. It’s a lovely day for a stroll.” 

@ningyouko

[aqua-regia009]

L'amore, la morte e il sogno / Love, Death, and the Dream (Detail), 2017. By Roberto Ferri