I Was Human Before I Was A Monster

  Indie Semi-Selective Multimuse. "ni·hil·ism (nī′ə-lĭz′əm, nē′-)The doctrine that nothing actually exists or that existence or values are meaningless."  penned by makenzie

[nihilisticxdreamer-blog]

MOVED OVER HERE

@nihilisticdreamer

[nihilisticxdreamer-blog]

MOVED OVER HERE

@nihilisticdreamer

[nihilisticxdreamer-blog]

MOVED OVER HERE

@nihilisticdreamer

[nihilisticxdreamer-blog]

MOVED OVER HERE

@nihilisticdreamer

[nihilisticxdreamer-blog]

I haven’t been on this blog in a long ass time yet it holds so much sentimental value <33 Also I forgot much of a sucky writer I was now that I’m looking over my characters’ bio and am like “what the hell was i writing” buuuuuuuuut yeah

[nihilisticxdreamer-blog]

To all my new followers: I love how I said I was going to move the blog to Harry as a sideblog but y’all are like NOPE LET’S FOLLOW

ALSO

HI GUYS IM BACK ON THIS BLOG

[assassinsandco]

nihilisticxdreamer:

“Check-up? Didn’t know you were into doctor foreplay but I’ll take it,” Alfie chuckled, as teasing as always. He gave Caleb a bright-eyed smile and raised his brows. 

“I am a doctor, thank you.” Caleb answered with a slightly stern tone, but the laugh behind it made it anything but stern. “I was actually coming for a check up, but more of a.. check up on you rather than to you.” 

[nihilisticxdreamer-blog]

“How sweet,” Alfie giggled, leaning back in his seat. “What’s there to know? I’m great, as always. You think I’m not or something?” He raised a brow and let his eyes trail over Caleb.

[assassinsandco]

@nihilisticxdreamer

When Alfie saw the car, a very loud…high-pitched honest-to-god squeal left his lips and he bounced up and down multiple times, even twirling in a circle a few times.

“Oh my god!” He laughed, incredibly giddy as he fished out his phone to text Caleb – who was on his contacts cuz besties.

[text - Doctor Love] ASDFGHJKL::::SAHGDFY I LOVE IT <33333 *50 kissy emojis*

Caleb was parked in a McDonalds car park of all places, taking deep breaths as he awaited any kind of sign that Alfie had received the present. Part of him wondered if it was too much… He’d never really had to do this before.

Then finally came a text and the relief was instant.

[text - Alfie<3] That’s rather a lot of emojis. Please tell me this is genuine excitement and not you trying to overcompensate for actually hating it… 

[nihilisticxdreamer-blog]

[text - Doctor Love] That fact that you don’t even appreciate...

[text - Doctor Love] Where are you???

[nihilisticxdreamer-blog]

It’s Garrett Clayton’s birthday today! For those who don’t know, he’s Alfie’s FC so by default (to me), it’s Alfie’s birthday today too!

Maybe wish the birthday boy a good one?

[nihilisticxdreamer-blog]

Left for Alfie~

The gift box is left on a table, the car parked outside, covered in a sheet. The gift is from Caleb, who isn’t around because he’s a scaredy cat who doesn’t want to know if Alfie doesn’t like it, so he’s doing the secret gift thing instead. Except not because the gift box has a label that says: 

Dearest Alfie, I heard it’s your birthday today, and so I felt it only right to get you a gift. Please note I can have it exchanged if you don’t like it. Yours, Caleb

@assassinsandco

When Alfie saw the car, a very loud…high-pitched honest-to-god squeal left his lips and he bounced up and down multiple times, even twirling in a circle a few times.

“Oh my god!” He laughed, incredibly giddy as he fished out his phone to text Caleb – who was on his contacts cuz besties. 

[text - Doctor Love] ASDFGHJKL::::SAHGDFY I LOVE IT <33333 *50 kissy emojis*

[nihilisticxdreamer-blog]

It’s Garrett Clayton’s birthday today! For those who don’t know, he’s Alfie’s FC so by default (to me), it’s Alfie’s birthday today too!

Maybe wish the birthday boy a good one?

[nihilisticxdreamer-blog]

@assassinsandco liked for a starter from Alfie.

“Ooh, I must’ve done something real bad to warrant a visit from you!” Alfie teased, plopping down in a seat and looking up at the other expectantly. “What’s on your mind?”

[assassinsandco]

Caleb smirked a little, raising his eyebrow. “What makes you think that? I could just be here to give you a check up.” He pointed out simply, adjusting his position in his chair.

[nihilisticxdreamer-blog]

“Check-up? Didn’t know you were into doctor foreplay but I’ll take it,” Alfie chuckled, as teasing as always. He gave Caleb a bright-eyed smile and raised his brows. 

[nihilisticxdreamer-blog]

                 we carry these things inside of us                         that no one else can see                    they hold us down like anchors                         they drown us out at sea

[nihilisticxdreamer-blog]

                        there’s something WRONG with me.                       a flaw in my code, a virus in my heart                            i think i’ve f o r g o t t e n how to love

[nihilisticxdreamer-blog]

        i will not αρσℓσgιzє for   the ways i tried to кιℓℓ my pain.

[nihilisticxdreamer-blog]

something thick && dark formed in my heart that day,           and i still can’t tell if it was hatred or FEAR    

[nihilisticxdreamer-blog]

I am suffocating with loneliness.                  The pain is almost physical.                        I felt like t e a r i n g myself apart.