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most likely to commit agathusia

[nikkishares]

Bajan looked stung. “I’ve been nothing but kind to you. I’m not some sort of monster.”

“No, you’re the man who sits idly by, congratulating yourself on your decency, while the monster eats his fill. At least a monster has teeth and a spine.”

—Crooked Kingdom, Leigh Bardugo

[nikkishares]

“I’ll tell you a secret, Hanna. The really bad monsters never look like monsters.”

—Crooked Kingdom, Leigh Bardugo

[nikkishares]

Title: Inferno

Author: Dan Brown

Cracked Synopsis: Robert Langdon, Harvard professor of symbology and religious iconology, is recruited by the World Health Organization to help them find a deadly pathogen created by Thanos... I mean by Bertrand Zobrist who believes that he's doing the world a favor by trying to stop overpopulation. Langdon follows the harrowing clues left by Zobrist which were all inspired by Dante's Inferno.

Favorite Excerpt: “Believe me, I know what it’s like to feel all alone … the worst kind of loneliness in the world is the isolation that comes from being misunderstood.”

Review: DISCLAIMER. Might contain spoilers.

Among all Robert Langdon novels, it feels to me like this is different from all the others when it comes to endings. I've noticed that the ‘mission’ wasn't entirely solved because the vector virus wasn't ‘cured’. Nevertheless, I enjoyed it because it feels like the characters, especially Professor Langdon, is still human despite his heroic journeys. He always solves the problems, always stops catastrophic events from happening, but this time, even when he solved the ‘puzzle’, Zobrist outwitted them all.

My reading journey with this book is curious, to be honest. I've had this book since last year and I started reading it in the month of February, but have always delayed finishing it. It's like I never had the motivation to read more than a chapter, but come April, I had this sudden urge to read it and finish it. I mean, April was the height of the COVID-19 Pandemic and of our government's incompetence which makes the reading of this book a bit of a mindboggling journey.

Now that I finished this book, questions such as “Where does my morality stand in this kind of movement?” hangs in the center of my last three remaining brain cells, and I'm afraid I don't like the answer.

[nikkishares]

It’s quite hard to stay calm and understanding when you see the same faces, the same mistakes made again and again.

—Me Before You, Jojo Moyes

[nikkishares]

“But you didn’t bother to ask me. You decided what you thought you’d like me to do, and you went ahead and did it. You did what everyone else does. You decided for me.”

—Me Before You, Jojo Moyes

[nikkishares]

“I hadn’t realized that music could unlock things in you, could transport you to somewhere even the composer hadn’t predicted. It left an imprint in the air around you, as if you carried its remnants with you when you went.”

—Me Before You, Jojo Moyes

[nikkishares]

Title: Me Before You

Author: Jojo Moyes

Synopsis: In a small town they are obliged to call home, two unlikely people formed a bond that will change a life and test morality.

Favorite Excerpt: “Tell me something good.”

Review: DISCLAIMER. May contain some spoilers. TL/DR: It's worth the read, but just prepare some tissues and make sure your morality isn't fragile.

I thought this will be a slow read because I know how heavy the plot is, but, boi, I was so wrong. I was hooked. Jojo Moyes' writing style had my book under my nose for hours. Thank you!

Now, with the characters. I kind of hated Lou at first because I understand where Will is coming from. I hated his sister, Georgina, and everyone who called Will selfish just because he wanted it all to stop. But then, a part of me does not hate them at all. I understand them, they love Will, and when we love something or someone we tend to hold on to them as if our own lives depend on them. I applaud Lou for trying, and for giving Will a chance to be himself, to not entirely decide for him every single time.

I also relate to Lou and the reason why she seemed to ‘cage’ herself in that small town. When bad things happen, we keep on thinking that maybe it's our fault, and as long as that guilt is there we will keep on closing in, and closing in, and closing in until we can no longer step outside the zone where we label safe.

Lou's past in the book made her human to me. In the movies, I did not really feel connected with her, but by knowing that behind those smiles, talkativeness and hopeful personality lies something I am deeply acquainted to had me drawn with her.

I would love to jump to the sequel book to know how Lou will deal with her new life, but I am not strong enough yet. I just need a few hours, or maybe days, to regain stability. As of now, the only thing that's keeping me from being completely heartbroken is that I know deep inside me that Will finally had the peace he wanted.

I know that for most people the message the book has given them is to live life boldly. I guess mine would be the message that the best thing we can do when all the straws are picked and there is nothing left to change anything is to show that we are there for those who need us, no matter how helpless and guilty we may feel about not being able to do anything to keep the pain away from them.

I hope some of you find that maybe, life is not for everyone. I hope you understand someday that for some people, it is the only answer. And I hope you will just come to understand it, not experience the pain yourself.

[nikkishares]

Title: Call Me By Your Name

Author: André Aciman

Sypnosis: A blossoming romantic relationship between an intellectually precocious and curious 17-year-old American-Italian Jewish boy named Elio Perlman and a visiting 24-year-old American Jewish scholar named Oliver in 1980s Italy.

Favorite Excerpt: “I’m not wise at all. I told you, I know nothing. I know books, and I know how to string words together—it doesn’t mean I know how to speak about the things that matter most to me.”

Review: There are more than a million words in the English Language yet I can not string enough words to express what this book made me feel. Let me try, but do not hate me if I do not make any sense at all. I'm still bewildered.

The writing is raw. It is that book wherein you will feel what the character is thinking. It is as if you are Elio's soul narrating for him. At first, I felt a bit uncomfortable about how he expresses things, I felt that it was too obsessive, too much, too anything, but then I found myself highlighting so many parts. It was not because I felt that Elio's thoughts of Oliver were disturbing rather, it was because I felt exposed as if my deepest thoughts and desires were revealed and the fact that I am reading it in a book felt as if I am voicing my deepest thoughts using a microphone in a plaza. I understand how Elio could want even the slightest touch of Oliver's skin or his clothes because, I, too, wanted the same thing from someone I loved years ago.

There is also one excerpt that made it's way to my heart.

“I could speak about this and not feel I was doing it to impress him or to draw his attention or to put up a wobbly footbridge between us. I could speak about the Haydn for hours—what a lovely friendship this might have been.”

I love how Elio realized how much he craves a simpler interaction with Oliver. He realized that even a few moments of talking about what interests them without the goal of impressing or drawing attention would have bloomed to a lovely friendship/relationship. I guess it is because despite our deep cravings for intense passion we still need the calm. We need the dandelion, not another burning fire, in our lives so the heated fuel within us wouldn't burn and consume us immensely. I love how Elio came to realize that it is the little things that matter the most to him—such as Oliver calling him by his name.

I also loved how real the author wrote Elio's emotions towards the end. I mean, Elio wants it, but also doesn't want it, he is confused and certain about what he wants. It goes to show how paradoxical human emotions can be.

Lastly, I love how he concluded the book. It did not feel like a cliffhanger. It was the perfect ending for me—one that left me both hanging and satisfied. The end had me on the edge of my seat because I can feel that there is so much tension, there is still one big moment that needs to happen—usually a breakdown speech—but the only thing needed to be done is a simple thing such as say one's name. This made me realize that we often see things with so many complications that it makes us feel like the only solution to it is something complex, but sometimes it is not. And that we have to live with that.

[nikkishares]

You didn‘t. You didn‘t want me. You only wanted to save yourself. You needed a fall-back plan so you made me. If things don't improve, you expect me to make it work for you. You never wanted a fruit of love and life, you wanted a servant. You are just so afraid to grow alone. When the time comes, you want me to baby you because you fed, clothed, and housed me. Deep down, I was just another responsibility, another investment. You never really cared. I never felt that you cared. You never brought a child to life, you made your retirement plan breathe.

[nikkishares]

André Aciman keeps hurting me using his book.

I suddenly realized that we were on borrowed time, that time is always borrowed, and that the lending agency exacts its premium precisely when we are least prepared to pay and need to borrow more.

— Call Me By Your Name

[nikkishares]

I am currently reading Call Me By Your Name and I relate to Elio so much. Some of his thoughts reflect mine that it feels as if I am him. I am excited to finish this book and see how things will unfold for him. I've seen the movie already, but, you know, the feeling the book gives is something else entirely.

Anyway, here's one example of the Elio's thought that kind of hits home.

P.S. I don't really have someone that I have agonizing romantic feelings for like Elio having Oliver, but there are many ways to interpret ‘him’. It could be a thing, a friend, someone you just deeply admire that you've been wanting to notice you. Do I make sense? It doesn't matter. I relate to it. The end.

[nikkishares]

What's up? Any book recommendations?

Heya. I would highly recommend Mitch Albom's The Five People You Meet In Heaven and The Next Person You Meet In Heaven. I don't know your genre, but it's something anyone would really love. And all those life lessons? Oh, I wish I could re-read it as if it's my first time.

[nikkishares]

Title: The Hundred-Year-Old Man Who Climbed The Window And Disappeared

Author: Jonas Jonasson

Synopsis: After a long and eventful life, Allan ends up in a nursing home, believing it to be his last stop. The only problem is that he’s still in good health. A big celebration is in the works for his 100th birthday, but Allan really isn’t interested (and he’d like a bit more control over his alcohol consumption), so he decides to escape. He climbs out the window in his slippers and embarks on a hilarious and entirely unexpected journey. It would be the adventure of a lifetime for anyone else, but Allan has a larger-than-life backstory: he has not only witnessed some of the most important events of the 20th century but actually played a key role in them.

Favorite Excerpt: “‘Revenge is not a good thing,’ Allan warned him. ‘Revenge is like politics, one thing always leads to another until bad has become worse, and worse has become worst.’”

Review: Before everything else, let me just inform you that I am a sucker for drama, angst, and mystery. This book is the opposite of that. There's more humor in it than the ‘jokes’ I have ever mouthed, my friends—which are also not that many—can testify to that.

I like the idea that Allan is a geriatric than he is a younger man. I think an old person's impulsiveness is easier to grasp than that of a youth's. In my experience, younger people are prone to impulsiveness because they want to experience things and explore their chances, while older ones are doing things because they've been through so many things and survived it all that caring about what happens next hardly gets a second thought. Did I make sense? I hope I did. Anyway, Allan portrayed as a geriatric made it easier for me to understand the reason why he let himself be involved in such events.

As the story progress, I have to admit the I became less interested because of the very reason above—I already understand how he functions—which made me wish that he would show another layer of him. I have no problem with him being asexual and unattached, maybe it's just because I am really a sucker for intense emotion investments. This being said, I felt happy when I read the part where he developed an attachment with his cat that he finally wanted revenge when in the previous chapter he said that revenge is a bad thing—which is indeed true as seen how his home was blown off to bits. It just shows that Allan has that layer that I am craving for when it comes to characters, it's just that the genre is not that for me.

[nikkishares]

Someday, I will go to places where my soul will feel at home. I will visit places where the beating of my heart eases out all the anxiousness it feels because it finally feels one with it's surrounding. Someday, I will be in a place where I will no longer feel like a lost old soul.

(insp)