Nini V. @ninicolz - Tumblr Blog

I wish I was a little girl again :(

#im just a girl #girlhood #i miss my innocence #i miss my beauty #i miss my toys #i miss my cute dresses #i miss my dad #i miss my littleness

My eating issues tendencies are returning :(

#mental illness #tw eating issues #eating issues #girlhood #i wanna be perfect #i wish i was innocent again #i wish the world permitted me to be innocent again #im just a girl

I hate men. I fucking hate men. I FUCKING HATE MEN.

#mental illness #im just a girl #female rage #misandry is in my veins #pro misandry

I have such a femcel and victimisation vibe if one gets to actually know me. I'm cooked.

#mental illness #femcel #possibly #idk i just thought about it #im just a girl #misandry is in my veins

I'm feeling somewhat feverish. I don't know what happened, but oh well.

At some point, during my childhood, I thought I would learn to enjoy everything, including illness. As I grew up, spite and grudge developed within me, and so... Well, turns out I dislike being ill just the same as I did when I was a child.

Religion was the only thing that actually taught me to enjoy it, but ever since I found myself to be a sinner in His eyes, I gave up on enjoying it for His sake.

I'm just... Floating now. Not trying to swim against or in favour. I'm feverish. And that's it.

#I don't know what this is meant to be #mental illness #I'm still feeling feverish though #how silly of me #I hope it's just a flu #I hate cooked onions

Imagine Banmara and Playing Dangerous, by Lana Del Rey.

#patalliro!#patalliro #banmara #Idk I just thought about it

I love Cecilia's vintage wedding dress.

They should've buried her with it :(

#the lisbon sisters #cecilia lisbon #the virgin suicides #lisbon sisters

I can't self harm. I can't drink. I can't medicate myself.

I know it's for my own good, but how am I supposed to stop this pain when I'm never clean enough to reach for Him?

I miss Him. I can't seem to let go of the disgusting life I put myself into. I don't even know the actual problem, I just know it's all my fault. It's always my fault. I never do anything right.

Except for reaching for Him. This I did right. But I have ruined it, as I always do.

I miss Him, I miss him, and I miss my baby. I always lose, and I'm always lost. I'm never found.

#mental illness #tired

I know looking pretty won't change the fact that I'm a sinner, stained by what's evil in His eyes, but... It's something. I have nothing good about myself, so maybe the looks could get me to smile at my reflection and finally give myself some approvement.

I'm a walking failure. I don't even know why I try.

#mental illness #low self steem #I hate myself #still a sinner #tw depressing thoughts

I don't know who I am.

I was supposed to be small, pretty and girly. But I'm just disgusting. I have grown. I'm not his little princess anymore.

I'm not me anymore. I'm not who I was supposed to be, And I'm not who I truly am.

#mental illness #maybe dissociation

I wish I wasn't so disgusting. And so ugly.

#mental illness #self deprecation #self deprecating thoughts

There's something interesting about the absence of existence.

I came into this world and I'm not allowed to leave. Why is living so difficult? And why is death so ironic?

I wish I wasn't so hungry all the time. And I'm not talking about physical nourishment.

#thoughts #mental illness #existential thoughts #i hate it but i can't leave

I need to stop and take control of myself, of my life, of things... I'm stained by sin again and I can't seem to stop and drive myself to the Lord.

I just hope He won't give up on me...

I've been obsessed with the colour red, blo0d, catholic symbolism, religious suffering, hunger, human weaknesses, mourning, can1bal1sm, st4rving, vampires, pain, the gloomy, silence, old times, candles, harder times, religious stuff. I don't know what it is, but I'm sure there is something wrong about me.

#mental illness #obsession

Hannibal and Will pass the bufa, do you accept?