Misunderstood

[traumaeyed-deactivated20210519]

Got a mental illness?

Uh, check please! 

Pacing nonstop, especially while listening to music

An inability to relate to peers

 Relating to fictional characters more than your peers

You want to do something? Too bad. You’ll think about how much you want to do something while in bed not doing anything. You will continue to do nothing for hours. 

Alcohol? Yeah, that’s your best friend now

Wanting to have friends and interact with them while simultaneously wanting to isolate yourself

A slight inconvenience? More like: time to commit suicide

Oh, what’s that? Drugs? Or more specifically, a way to overcome your dissociation and feel something? Great! Or alternatively… maybe you’ll feel nothing to combat your intense emotions!

Repeating the same actions over and over to comfort yourself (rocking back and forth, drawing the same drawing over and over, researching something for hours, taking multiple baths or showers in one night)

Candles? They’re magical

Overthinking every little thing. Overthinking every little action, unable to stop thinking about that action at night

Original characters? Did you mean: the embodiment of my mental illnesses?

Afraid to ask questions because you have a fear of rejection or you fear a negative response

What did you just hear? Nothing? Something? Singing? Crying? Ringing? I swear I heard something!

The internet? That’s your only source of happiness

You sleep too much or not eough

Can I trust my own thoughts?

I must please everyone and if I don’t I’m a horrible person!

“No” isn’t in my vocabulary. Yes, of course I can do what you want! No matter how it inconveniences me!

Music is your savior

It’s cold outside? Below freezing? Too bad, all I wear is shorts and t-shirts in public and I don’t feel bad.

Food is your lover AND your worst fear 

Sex either scares you shitless or is a never ending fantasy for you. There’s no in between

[bikku-ballero-deactivated202010]

Having BPD makes life into such a fun game, like every time (once a day) you feel a mental breakdown coming in you can wildly guess whether it’s gonna be the

“If I don’t get babied right now I’ll turn into a hollow shell” breakdown

“I’m gonna get a giant spontaneous nosebleed in 2 minutes” breakdown

“Generic emotionless problem solver super AI from a scifi game” breakdown

“Just like, murderous rage” breakdown

“I will isolate myself from other people for the rest of my life for 15 minutes” breakdown

“Mind gone blank, all responses at zero, Sound of Silence faintly echoing at the back corners of my brains” breakdown

Or the “Please just fucking bonk me in the head I’m stupid” breakdown

That’s just the base game tho the more debilitating trauma you go through the more diverse breakdowns you can experience every day for the small cost of mental stability and will to live

To make the game more fun you can record how many different types of breakdowns you have every month collect them like pokemans

[chamomile-bpd]

my kink is having my mental illness validated by my psychiatrist

[butterflyinthewell]

Growing up with emotional abuse makes you want to avoid people when you feel bad instead of seeking someone out.

Because your abuser always told you you weren’t really upset.

Or that what you’re upset about is trivial.

Or that you’re overreacting again.

Or that your being upset is ruining everyone else’s mood.

Or that you’re being a baby.

Or that you need a thicker skin.

Or you’re told to go away until you can be a decent person again.

You believe your feelings don’t matter unless you express the “right” ones the “right” way at the “right” time, and you can never do it “right.”

You believe everybody has it worse, so there’s no point in talking about it when you feel bad.

It’s easier to isolate yourself when you’re sad, angry or hurt because it feels easier than “inflicting” yourself on somebody else.

Even when there are beautiful people in your life who say you can always come to them, you still don’t because you’re scared.

That is what sits at the center of who I am. It’s like an abscess that won’t pop or drain. And when it hurts, it hurts.

[sadhoc]

right now, i’m thinking about all the mentally ill and neurodivergent people affected by the COVID-19 pandemic. 

to the people with compulsive skin picking, who have to avoid touching their faces. people whose OCD is focussed on cleanliness and contamination or hoarding. people with anxiety and hypochondriasis who are being blamed for the strain on our medical system and economy

people with bpd and mood disorders whose dbt groups are being cancelled. people who’ve been going to support groups for years who are suddenly having to do without. especially the elderly or those without internet access. 

people with psychosis for whom being alone means having no one to reality check them. for whom aloneness means having no distraction from delusions and hallucinations and nothing to stop us from falling back into them

people with eating disorders whose safe foods are now off the shelves. who find themselves with a brand new excuse not to get groceries, or are alone at home with a pile of bingeable food. 

autistic people whose routines are disrupted. people with adhd stuck at home with no structure. people with any number of neurodivergencies who know that this is bad and that following cdc guidelines is important, but can’t understand or remember them

it’s not selfish or “making this about you” to be affected. 

[frawgs]

how much scarier would a frog be if it ran instead of hopped .. u just hear plat plat plat plat coming towards u and u look down and it’s a frog going at full speed

[ninjin88]

[ninjin88]

[borderlinebastard]

shout out to the borderline folks who socially isolate themselves as a way to avoid abandonment. the ones who rarely have relationships. the ones who say “I just prefer to be alone” to avoid explaining abandonment issues and why they have no-one to talk to. the ones who set high standards to avoid befriending people who could hurt them. 

you’re worthy of love. you deserve to love and be loved. someday you’ll trust wonderful people and be happy. 

[alifechasingchaos]

Restless.

Some days I find myself unable to concentrate; never quite satisfied with anything I try to do.

I flip through the same three apps over and over, always finding that nothing has changed. I can’t watch anything because I can’t pay attention.

Whenever I get up to do something, my limbs feel as if they’re full of lead, pulling me back to stagnancy.

Five minutes have passed and its hours later; half a day goes by and it’s only been 30 minutes.

I’m restless, yet exhausted.

It’s this terrible mix of boredom and apathy that renders me absolutely useless.

[bpd--daisy-blog]

Myself? Idk her

[borderlinebadger]

One thing about people with BPD is that we know the most useless shit.

Having no sense of identity causes us to pick up random hobbies.

Having black and white thinking makes us lose interest in those hobbies quickly.

So we’ll very briefly be obsessed with art, languages, diets, science, pursuing specific careers, collectible items, books, stuffed animals, etc… then stop caring about it.

And then we’ll meet someone who’s actually into one of those hobbies and they’ll start talking about art or something, and we’ll be like “oh word? Prismacolor or faber castelle?” and sprout random bullshit facts we know about said hobby and literally no one expects our top tier trivia knowledge.

[pariaaaaah]

[alienkitsune99]

It’s better to do something half-assed than not at all. Doing something is better than doing nothing. Not doing something perfectly is not failure. 

[thoughts-of-a-schizophrenic]

My mind is torn into two different parts. There’s the need for attention and human contact, and then there’s the need to isolate myself and cut everyone off completely. Both parts can be pretty scary.

[ninjin88]

Besides, as the vilest Writer has his Readers, so the greatest Liar has his Believers; and it often happens, that if a Lie be believ’d only for an Hour, it has done its Work, and there is no farther occasion for it. Falsehood flies, and the Truth comes limping after it; so that when Men come to be undeceiv’d, it is too late; the Jest is over, and the Tale has had its Effect.

-Jonathan Swift

[ninjin88]

It’s amazing how alone you can feel with so many people close to you.