Oh oh, do not get me started on Black Lady (actually yes, do ).
I have SO many thoughts on Black Lady as an incarnation of Chibiusa and that mindset that lead to her creation. Because when you think about, Chibiusa literally could've stayed herself if she turned evil because Wiseman only gives you what you deeply desire.
Emerald got magical hands.
Diamond got the power to hypnotize people and bend them to his will.
And so on. (Oh, I'm sorry this is so long)
So, Chibiusa becoming an 'adult' (she's physically not actually that old when she becomes Black Lady. I'm assuming she's like at least 15-18 at Best. ), that's because it's *her* deep desire to have what everyone else has.
Being stuck as a small child for so long must've made her desire to be an 'adult' overwhelming and you can clearly see where it comes from. It's not just her being envious of her mother (and by extension, Usagi in some ways) but think about it- everyone else around her is an adult. Most of the kids she's probably played with had no issues growing up. How many kids has she played with that grew up without her? Went on to get married and have children of their own?
After all, she's living in an age where once your physical maturity is done, you *stay* that physical age for the rest of your life.
But Chibiusa? She's not growing. She's not maturing. She doesn't get to keep any lasting bonds, not only because of her status, but because she's not growing up with her year-mates. Or the ones after them. Or the ones after them and so on.
She might have a child's mentality, but you know that children notice things. They know they're different when it's pointed out. Chibiusa's had 800+ years to realize all this. To make the connection.
Plus her only friends (aside from Diana) at this point are all adults. They've grown as normally as possible for them. They cannot relate.
And as a person who's been in a household of only adults (raised by parents/grandparents) it DOES do something to how you look at the world. For example, for myself, I didn't think of myself as the same as other children. They were Children and I was myself. There's a distinction between the two.
And I can't help wondering if over time, Chibiusa developed or has this distinction towards the kids in the palace which further makes her an outcast. (but this is just speculation on my part.)
She is enormously envious but also it's mixed. It's not just she's jealous of her mother. She LOVES her mother so much, she wants to *be* her but has no idea how to obtain it. She has no power, none of the elegance- and she can't even do the most simplest of things as growing up.
That desire to be an adult is a universal desire a lot of kids have and that's actually completely normal. Given how things are structured, having an adult form is ideal because it means Admiration from others. Being taken seriously by others. Having your opinions respected. Being able to do what you want because you're now an adult.
(This is important. We will loop back to this soon.)
So, yes! Black Lady is an idealized form Chibiusa has in her mind. She wants to be grown up. She wants all the surface level things that she sees of what an adult is.
But she doesn't know what it actually means. And due to her sheltered insular life, she has no idea what love actually means or is or even different types yet.
Now, her father/Mamoru is complicated for her. It's because she has to reconcile the idea that this younger version of her father *is* her father. The dude is only 16 at this point. He's 'older' but he's still considered a kid by everyone else too. He also treats her kindly. He has the same vibe as her father (she makes a note of how he seems like him when she first meets him). He's caring and concerned for her all the time. He feels Safe!
Of course she loves him! Mamoru is literally the perfect prince. He's the template that she's going to use in the future to find her own prince.
Why wouldn't she love him? But again, Chibiusa doesn't actually understand what she's feeling entirely. She's just infatuated. She doesn't actually *know* Mamoru at all. She knows what she feels around him (safe! Like papa! like home!). She's mentally and maturity is still that of a first-grader (but she has 800+ yrs of knowledge however she's stunted socially to a degree.).
She also doesn't know how to share and or express anything she's feeling well.
(Remember? Part of her turn to darkness was seeing Pluto SMILE at her Hologram Father, King Endymion. A smile she doesn't even interpret right other than Pluto smiled (that's a smile that's supposed to only be for her!) at her father . She reacted to that wildly disproportionately which is to say she thinks she's not wanted anymore.)
So, now what does that tell you about Chibiusa?
There's more, of course. She has no powers. She's characterized in the Manga/SMC as having no powers. She's seen the most horrific things that could ever happen to a child. She's seen her entire city become a shell of its former self. She's seen her mother- this Goddess on earth- fall. Her father, her protector. Her primary caretaker, sicken (most likely. Seeing as she's surprised he's a hologram when she comes back).
Her mother's guardians? All fallen.
Her world, which may've not been the BEST and it had bullies, but it was safe! It's no longer safe. It's in ruins.
And she's the reason why.
Due to her lack of power or show of power, coupled with her stunted growth, she steals. She wants so badly to have power to show everyone that they're wrong about her. That they're wrong and she IS her parents' daughter! She is her mother's daughter. She's not weird or anything.
But in taking the Silver Crystal. In becoming impatient with her own growth as a person, she feels like she's doomed everyone. That it's her fault any of it ever happened. (it's actually really out of her hands.)
The crystal doesn't work for her.
It doesn't glow. It doesn't shine. It doesn't do anything for Chibiusa.
Everything she'd Done was for nothing.
You really can't imagine all the guilt this kid probably has from all that. So when she does break down to tell Sailor Moon, Venus, the cats and Tuxedo Mask about why this is all happening- it's probably a relief but she still has guilt.
After all, she lied and stole from Pluto.
She still has lied and stolen from her mom too.
When she leaves them to return to the 30th century alone, she is demoralized (Recall prior to her return solo, she realized again that even getting Sailor Moon? It didn't immediately change anything. She probably feels like she's been a burden too, to Usagi and co because again, she probably internalized being at fault for Jupiter, Mars, and Mercury being kidnapped.).
After all that, what *can* she do?
Top it off with Pluto, her only human friend who seems to need her as much as she (Chibiusa) needs her. Who wants her around even if her mother said it was fine if Pluto didn't want her bothering her.
Pluto who smiled this friendly smile only at her that made her feel special. Like they had a connection.
Pluto smiles at her father and it's a friendly smile but there's something else she doesn't understand with it that makes her feel excluded.
Makes her believe that Pluto no longer needs her. That her father doesn't need her either. No one needs a powerless troublesome princess.
And that's when Wiseman finds her.
Finds this kid that's been through so much. That's full of guilt, envy, demoralized, longing, wishing she could be and do SOMETHING.
Wiseman finds her and gives her all her wishes. He distorts it. It's a corruption of what she wants. (but isn't all his gifts like this?)
And she becomes Black Lady.
She's wanted. (by Wiseman. She doesn't know what his true goal is, she just knows he needs her and this is something only SHE can do.)
She has power. (He's awaken (she thinks) her power that she's been denied for SO long. She has the power to make everyone that said terrible things to her quake in their boots. She's the strong one now.)
She's grown up. (Her wish to be an adult is now realized. She has the body she's always longed for. Always wanted to show. After all, the first person she shows herself to is her mother. It's a mixture. To gload that she's better, that she's here but also a painful cry for acknowledgement. She turns to her father the same way. She wants you to KNOW and SEE. She's an Adult! Finally! After centuries, she's what you probably lament about her not growing into when you think she's not listening.(Speculation) )
And she now has the prize companion. (Mamoru isn't her father. At least, he's not the one she recognizes as her father yet. She's transferred all her thoughts of what it means to be an Adult in a Relationship but she has no idea what that actually means or what it really is. She just thinks, like many kids who only see and don't understand, that kissing and hugging is what love is. And if she does it enough it means she's in love, right? Like her mama and papa because that's what they do but it's NOT right with her. But she doesn't want to give him to Usagi because he's hers now. It's like a toy. As long as she has him, everything is Perfect. This is what she wants- she thinks. )
As Black Lady, Chibiusa is basically a parody of her parents. Of what she wants in life. It's not her true self. This is just an illusion.
This is also why she realizes all this when Pluto dies.
when Pluto dies is when Chibiusa becomes her real self. The real true feelings of love (platonic) comes through over all that darkness.
It's not her mother that saves her. It's not her love for her father or mother or anyone else in the group that sets her free of Wiseman's lies.
Her love for her first friend that ever cared for her outside of the Inner circle she's grown up with, that befriended and came to know her as her own self.
Pluto is the first person to know her.
And it's Pluto that sets her free.
-Hey remember that point above where I say I will circle back to? This is the part where I'll put it in simpler terms-
Chibiusa's journey to being Sailor (chibi) Moon is parallel to Usagi's journey of self-discovery as a Princess.
In the beginning (I'll even bring in the 90s anime a little here to illustrate this point),
Usagi thinks it'd be so cool and amazing to be a Hero like Sailor V. Then she thinks it'd be so cool to be a Princess (like Princess D/in general).
But.. Usagi didn't know what it would MEAN to be a hero like Sailor V. What sacrifices she'd have to make. What battles she'd be terrified of and STILL have to do it. That there' s no actual glory to this. So what if there's fans, her friends are being hurt, her loved ones in danger and the love of her life a target constantly.
She didn't know that being a Princess could entail inheriting a war over a shiny (but powerful) rock.
She didn't know that being a Princess meant she's to be protected, meaning she has to SEE her friends fight and fall. That she'd have to see the person she loves do the same. All for her.
She didn't know that being a princess meant also reliving the nightmares of the fall of her kingdom. Of the death and bloodshed.
Usagi had no idea what it meant, but she learned.
Same thing with Chibiusa.
They had to go through experiences that made them who they were.
They needed it because in order to grow, they had to go through some times. (this is why Chibiusa starts growing and maturing. This is why Usagi became more resilient and less likely to run away from a fight. To see it through. )
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