Following the idea that Kakashi gave up parts of himself while in ANBU, I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone talk about how and when he and Iruka came into each other’s lives. I mean, you start off thinking that Naruto is the only link between them, but once you get to Shippuden it’s revealed that they took a mission together before Naruto was a student to either of them. And this turns their dynamic on its head, because suddenly they exist outside of the co-parent dynamic they get put into and become more three dimensional as characters because of how they influenced each other.
We don’t know much about the mission itself, except that Iruka was hurt because Heart Too Big™️ and that Kakashi tried to take responsibility as captain when questioned by the Sandaime (which probably poked at his own trauma around letting comrades get hurt but thats beside the point). While I do wish we could have gotten an episode or two about that mission, we know all we need to know from what we’re given, specifically that the versions of Kakashi and Iruka that went on that mission were unevolved versions of themselves (compared to how they’re portrayed in the present) and that the versions of them that came out of that mission were changed, or would be changed.
Iruka, for example, realizes and passionately proclaims that he now understands his role as a shinobi is not in the field, but in the village as an instructor passing on the will of fire to the next generation. This clarity changes and sets him on a path toward teaching Naruto later on. Kakashi is changed by virtue of witnessing Iruka’s commitment to not just the will of fire/the village but to future generations.
The Naruto timeline is a mess, but I do think that the Kakashi watching Iruka and the Sandaime talk is the version of Kakashi that was recently discharged from service as an ANBU (the ages line up well enough). This Kakashi is still jaded and disconnected from his purpose as a shinobi/person after years of working as a weapon for the village in its shadows. You get the idea from the Kakashi ANBU arc that, for all that time, he ran missions like a machine and lost sight of what it was all for.
(This is also when it becomes clear that they’re foils for one another. The version of Kakashi on that roof was still functioning in the same ways he used to in ANBU, exceptionally skilled and emotionally distant, just under a different title/command,and Iruka, in comparison, was just a chuunin, too emotional and immensely dedicated to the village and its people/will of fire.)
The scene on the roof is a wake up for Kakashi in terms of reminding him why he does missions, what he’s protecting, etc— it’s sort of a redux of Obito’s speech about comrades and Asuma’s king allegory, which is why I think he (as its alluded) attaches himself, trusts, and seeks out Iruka so often throughout the series and bonus materials (at least in a way he doesn’t for anyone else, that we can see). Iruka, and his dedication/essence/drive, is something he recognizes as invaluable and worth preserving because Kakashi understands that’s what preserves the village, ultimately. Not war, not missions, not killing, but protecting the people in it and a vision for the future. (Sidenote: this is also why Iruka is there in the early seasons when missions get handed out.)
I’m rambling, but to reiterate, hearing Iruka talk about the will of fire and the future pulled Kakashi back into his body after so many years of being in fight or flight, his humanity pushed aside. In fact, the passion Iruka showed made enough of an impression on Kakashi that he remembered it and noted its absence years later when they were on the bench (“there’s no spark in your eyes”/ “your eyes had a spark back then”). I don’t doubt he committed the moment to memory, sharingan be damned.
I say this alot, as a proud Iruka supremacist, but Iruka is the will of fire. The Sandaime recognized this in him and nurtured it. Kakashi recognized this too and helped/protected him throughout the story by listening to him (the bench), assuring/comforting him (regarding Naruto in the earlier seasons), encouraging him (the vice principals exam), and saving his life even if it meant putting his own in danger (the 3 kunoichi from Takigakure, Pain).
And if Iruka is the will of fire, then Iruka is the personification of Kakashi’s purpose and a major facet of his humanity. And while the jokes are funny, their relationship goes far beyond just being co-workers or co-parents to Naruto. Iruka helped turn Kakashi from a blade to a shield-- something that gets underscored in Kakashi Retsuden when he shows Kakashi the non-lethal way to restrain enemies, as Konoha implemented different measures under him-- and Kakashi helped him stay on the path he was meant to be on. Not to mention they grow so much closer as time goes on, taking care and confiding in one another in different ways. It’s a really beautiful relationship, whether you see it as romantic or not.
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